Extreme Measures

[krfan4lyf]

I entered this fic for a competition, so I thought I'd post it on here.

Story Title: Extreme Measures

Type of story: One shot

Main Characters: Rachel, Harry, Tony

BTTB rating: T

Genre: Hurt, loss

Does story include spoilers: No

Any warnings: Slight reference to suicide

Summary: When Rachel loses the love her life she will go to extreme measures to end her suffering

He had that same smile, that same gaze. She could barely look at him. It hurt her too much. Brought up too many painful memories, memories she wanted to forget. Alcohol had become her new best friend. It had given her comfort and understanding and the ability to forget everything and just write herself off, day after day. No one could understand the pain she was feeling. To lose the love of your life and to still have a living, breathing constant reminder each day felt like a knife being plunged into her heart a thousand times over. She had never expected her happy, perfect life to end up this way. The vodka was her way of dealing with the excruciating pain she felt from the moment she woke up till the moment she would pass out from drinking too much. The first few days after it happened she tried to be strong, she had to be strong for those around her, but it all just became too much. She couldn’t be that strong person everyone wanted her to be. Everyone’s expectations of how she should grieve, how she should continue with her life just all got the better of her. There were so many times she’d contemplate ending it all, but then she’d look over at the little boy fast asleep knocked her back to reality. She’d even stopped drinking so heavily because that little boy, her little boy needed his mum so much. Thinking of him worked for a while, but eventually she’d taught herself to stop listening to that niggling voice in the back of her mind and to just do what she wanted. Forget about everything the only way she knew how. He’d lay their crying day and night, crying out for her, but she’d just blank him. Treat him like he didn’t exist. She just couldn’t do anything, but sit in the darkness listening to her baby’s cries getting more desperate by the minute, just wanting his mum to pick him up and cuddle him, to show him some love. People would come and go, but she’d barely notice them. It was like she was in her own little world, completely secluded by society. It was like time was at a standstill and everyone was getting on with their lives, while she was left behind. She was even blocking out her best friend. The one that had been there through thick and thin. She tried so hard not to get nasty with her or treat her like she wasn’t there. This seemed to be her new trick. Blanking everyone out, like no one understood the pain she was feeling, like no one knew what it felt like to wake up each morning feeling like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. She knew she wasn’t the only one who had ever felt like this. God knows her best friend knew more than anyone what she was going through. Even though she was being treated so badly by her, her best friend still stuck around, purely because she needed someone to stop her completely going off the rails and so that little boy wasn’t neglected. She didn’t mean to neglect him. It was just her way of dealing with things. It was when she looked over at that little boy that it hit her. She needed to think of a more permanent way of dealing with the pain. A way to end it all that couldn’t be reversed. She didn’t want to do it but it was the only way she could end the pain she felt, get rid of the constant reminders that she saw daily, that made it completely impossible to go even a second in a day without feeling unbearable pain. She grabbed a pen and paper and started writing that fateful note that would turn the lives of everyone she cared about. She wrote that note, not thinking of anyone but herself:

I’m sorry; I just can’t bear the pain anymore. It’s too much. I need to be with him. I’m sorry.

She left the note on her dining table, with the knowledge that someone would be round in the next hour or two. She grabbed her baby and set off for her car. A plan ingrained on her mind. She drove to the only place she knew her plan could be carried out effectively. She parked up right by the cliff edge. She stepped out of the car and stared at the ocean. Her voice calling out into the night

‘It won’t be long my love. We will be with you soon.’

She got back into the car looked at her baby, and then reality had hit her. She couldn’t end her life, let alone his. He was only a baby and he was a baby that needed his mum. She looked up at the sky, tears falling from her red stained eyes, calling out

‘I’m sorry. I can’t do it. I know you wouldn’t want me to. You wouldn’t want me to end my life, let alone our sons. Maybe one day will be together again. Until then, I love you’

She knew she needed to move on with her life and take care of the baby that she and the man she loved so fiercely had created. It wouldn’t be long before she was with Tony again. She knew one day she would see him again. It was just the waiting that would pain her the most.

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