The Angels Will Look After You

[meant2live]

Story Title: The Angels Will Look After You

Type of story: Oneshot

Main Characters: Matilda

Other Characters: Beth, Tony, Kit

BTTB rating: I'm going to say T just to be on the safe side

Genre: Tradgey, deals with Death and Grievance

Does story include spoilers: no

Any warnings: reference to death

Summary: Matilda wants to see Beth one last time

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The smell engulfed her, it was sickening, and triggered her gagging reflexes. The smell of embalming fluid wasn’t a nice smell; it was strong and rich, as it filled the air around her, mixed with the smell of blood and other chemicals. It made her quite glad that she hadn’t eaten lunch, so there was nothing to bring up. Covering her nose and mouth with her hand, to muffle the smell, she took a few more steps. She began to notice how cold the room was becoming, taking her hand away from her mouth for a few seconds as she breathed out, and saw her breath, gasping slightly, not realising that it would be that cold. Biting her lip she pulled her t-shirt up over her nose and rubbed her arms to try and keep herself warm.

Her eyes were red and bloodshot and her cheeks were tear stained from where she had barely stopped crying in the last twenty four hours. She felt as though she had no more tears to cry, no one could have spilled as many tears in their life time as she had in the last day. It was unnatural that someone could cry so much, but she hadn’t wanted to smile, not once, there was nothing to make her smile. Taking shy steps towards the table that clearly had a body laid on it, covered in a white sheet, not matter how much the white sheet tried to obscure that fact. She cursed herself for not wearing a long sleeved shirt as she rubbed more vigorously at her arms. It was way too cold, why did it need to be this cold? She thought to herself.

Glancing around at the room; at the harsh metallic surfaces that reflected the harsh lights that shone from the ceiling, the realisation that this wasn’t a nice place bore into her. Tears began to brim her eyes as she reached the table.

“Tilly...”

A single tear fell down her face, as she heard her mother’s voice in her head. She pulled her t-shirt down from her face as reached out for the white sheet. She didn’t care about the smell anymore, it wasn’t important, or the coldness as she eased up on trying to keep herself warm.

“I love you Tilly...”

The tears fell fast and hard as her mother’s voice echoed in her mind. Pulling the sheet back she saw her. She looked so peaceful, like she was asleep. In the back of her mind she hoped that she was just sleeping, that it was a practical joke, a very cruel joke. She waited for a few moments, staring at her mother’s face, hoping that she would sit up and say ‘gotcha!’ But she didn’t. And with each passing moment, she realised that it wasn’t a joke. Even though she knew it never was, because her mother would never be that malicious. But the longer she stared, the more it broke her heart, it had been true. Every single word that she had been told twenty four hours ago was true. Her mother was dead, and she wasn’t coming back.

“I love you mum.” She whispered softly, barely above human hearing level as the tears streamed down her face, never once easing up. She didn’t need to speak loudly, there was no one there to hear. Just a body on a slab. “I’ll miss you.” She knew there was no point wiping her tears away, because they would be replaced by new ones as soon as she moved her hand away.

Her mother had always been the one that had been there, she’d always looked after her. She’d always been strong for her, but now she had to live her life without either of her parents. She felt as though she had no one, even though she had brothers and a sister, and she had a sort of family. She knew she’d always be welcome in the Holden family. Tony had told her that before he’d even told her about the death. But she knew something had been wrong before that, as soon as he’d come back home, his eyes red, she’d known, that she was alone. She hadn’t spoken anything to anyone about how alone she felt, she just pushed them all away even further.

All she had wanted to do was to see her mother one last time. She’d give anything to hear her voice or feel her warmth or see her smile once more. But now, looking down at the body in front of her, she wondered why she had wanted so desperately to come here. The only difference it made was that it made it so much more real, and she hated that. There was no going back to pretending that it wasn’t happening after seeing this. She reached out a hand to hold her mothers, but retracted when she felt the cold skin. There was no warmth left in her body, she didn’t even smell like she should. She couldn’t take it anymore, she needed to get out of there. No matter how strong she wanted to pretend to be, she couldn’t do it. She wanted to break down, she wanted to scream. Her mother was gone and she hadn’t said goodbye.

Starting to walk backwards towards the door before she turned and rushed out of the room, tears still flowing violently from her eyes. Running straight into the awaiting arms of her sister, she wrapped her arms around her. The warmth, the smell, so familiar. It calmed her slightly, as her tears eased up. Kit smelt just like her mother did, she was warm just like her mother, she hugged just like her mother did. Kit was the closest thing she had to a mother now, she’d been reassuring her every minute that she’d be there and that she could talk to her about anything.

“Oh Mattie...” Kit pulled her younger sister closer and tighter to her. “Mum loved you. I love you. We’ll be okay. I promise.”

She couldn’t reply, she wanted to, but she couldn’t speak, so she just nodded. She felt a warm come around her from behind as she guessed Tony joined in the hug.

“You were brave in there Mattie. She’d be proud of you.” Tony’s voice filled her ears.

Brave? That wasn’t a word that she would have used to describe herself just then, she felt so weak, so pitiful. She had wanted to be strong, but she wasn’t, she was far from it. She pushed away from the embrace and wiped her tears away.

“I need... I want...” She couldn’t get her words out properly, she pointed towards the exit. “I’m going for a walk.” She whispered as she headed towards the door. Both adults looked at her with saddened faces and nodded.

“I love you. I’ll always be proud of you. Tilly... take care of yourself, okay?”

She turned around and stared at the two adults as she swears she heard her mother’s voice, but it must have been in her mind. Opening the wooden door, it creaked slightly as she walked out of the room to the reception area, and finally out of the building into the fresh air.

“Goodbye mum.” She mouthed as she looked back at the building behind her, before slowly heading down the path, wanting to be alone with her memories. "The angels will look after you."

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