Too Many Babies, Somehow Not Enough // Am I Dyslexic, Or...?

[emmasi]

Story Title: Too Many Babies, Somehow Not Enough

Type of story: S/M - Poem

Main Characters: Kim and his various children

BTTB rating: G

Does story include spoilers: No

Is story being proof read: No

Any warnings: No

Summary: Kim reflects on a long life of short stints being a father.

Too Many Babies, Somehow Not Enough

Cradling my baby,

Holding him in my arms…

All this time, I thought he was gone.

Realising he wasn’t mine was like

Losing him all over again.

I never thought I’d recover from that.

Every baby since has reminded me

Nobody could know that our friend would die.

Only his killer, and I’m not even sure that she meant for it to happen.

Anything I could do to remember him, to help my girl move on

Hayley… She's not my girl anymore. It's not my son that we named after him.

Just

Once, I wanted my father to love me.

Nothing I did was good enough

And now I know why.

That man killed for me.

He drowned the woman he loved to save my life.

As long as I live, I’ll remind him of that, and remind him that I’m

Not my brother. I can’t make up for what he’s lost.

Jesus, can’t anything go right? Can’t

One baby actually be mine, and stay mine?

Everything’s falling apart. My wife and I…

All of it’s coming undone.

Rachel… she can’t understand. She

Can’t understand what this means to me.

He’s my last chance.

I don’t get any more do-overs after this.

Even if I have to give up everything to be with him, I will be there for my son.

[emmasi]

A second Poem, for your consideration:

Am I Dyslexic? Or…

Am I dyslexic, or did I just name my son after my wife?

A. R. C. H. I. E.

R. A. C. H. E. L.

I and L are similar. Put the L in lower case and you’ve got:

R. A. C. H. E. l.

A. R. C. H. I. E.

I named my son, to another woman, who broke up my marriage,

After my wife.

But maybe that’s the healthy way of looking at it.

What could be worse?

How about naming my son after my stalker?

C. H. A. R. L. I. E.

A. R. C. H. I. E.

Just that pesky L getting in the way again.

So wait a minute…

Am I dyslexic, or…?

R. A. C. H. E. L.

C. H. A. R. L. I. E.

My stalker and my wife - my stalker who wanted to kill my wife,

Maybe wanted to BE my wife…

Have the same name?

The only thing that separates them is… I?

But what are the odds of that happening…

Really, what are the odds?

Or the odds of my first baby being…

C. H. A. R. L. I. E. …?

I’m not dyslexic, I’m not making this up…

C. H. A. R. L. I. E.

R. A. C. H. E. L.

C. H. A. R. L. I. E.

A. R. C. H. I. E.

Man, this is confusing.

Thank god for K. I. T.

Written by K. I. -

Crap.

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