The Ricky Horror Picture Show

[emmasi]

Topic Title: The Ricky Horror Picture Show

Topic Description: Ric, Kim, Robbie, Martha, Tash. Rating: A(SC)

Type of story: Oneshot

Rating: A

Main Characters: Ric, Kim, Robbie, Martha, Tash

Genre: Comedy/Musical

Warnings: Binge drinking, homo/sexual content, mild incest...

Is Story being proof read: Yes

Summary: The Rocky Horror Picture Show and vodka don't mix.

Note: I would not suggest trying to make sense of this fic if you haven't seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." I'm not saying it won't still be...interesting...but I think it's hard enough to underestand if you HAVE seen the movie...

Some of the lines, and obviously the song lyrics, are taken straight from this script, as are many of the adult situations. Don't think that I could be coming up with anything that clever on my own, people!

This is a one-shot. A very very bizarre little one-shot. I feel many people will be thankful of that fact by the end

Enjoy (if you can)!

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Robbie, Tasha, Ric, and Martha stumble into the Surf Club, laughing. It's dark and deserted – they've come after hours.

Tasha: Ah, I love that movie!

Martha: We were lucky that the Yabby Creek cinema decided to do an old-fashioned midnight screening.

Ric: Yeah, cause it's just not the same if you're not half asleep.

Robbie: I think they do it so that the little children (He stares pointedly at Ric) don't interrupt the viewing.

Ric: Yeah, whatever.

Kim follows them in. Alf is with him.

Kim: What's the matter Ric? You're not a Rocky Horror fan?

Ric: I'd never seen it before. I only went because Martha had a spare ticket.

Tasha: Yeah, it sux that Jack didn't want to go.

Ric: Now I know why. You could have warned me that the “horror” referred to guys dressing up like chicks.

Alf: Nothing you haven't done before, mate.

Robbie and Kim giggle at him.

Ric: That was a dare, Granddad. Thanks for bringing it up.

Martha: I thought cross-dressing was standard for footy players?

Tasha: I think that's just Rugby League.

Alf: (To Kim) You sure you can keep this lot under control? I'd like the joint to still be standing in the morning.

Kim: Yeah, no worries Alf.

Robbie: We'll behave, Mr Stewart.

Alf: (Not believing him) Yeah, right. (To Kim) Make sure you remember to lock up, eh?

Martha: Don't worry Granddad!

Tasha: We promise not to be too irresponsible.

Alf: Hmm... Alright, I'll see ya's all tomorrow. And go easy on the lad, eh? He's only new to this.

Ric is horribly embarrassed by Alf's worrying. Martha pats him on the back.

Martha: We'll look after him Granddad.

Alf nods and leaves. Kim closes the door behind him.

Kim: Right. Who's up for some shots?

Robbie: Yo!

Robbie hops up onto a stool while Kim goes behind the bar to get the drinks. Martha and Tasha stand at the bar as well, while Ric stays seated on the lounge.

Kim: Ric, you in?

Ric: Nup.

Martha: Come on! You're not still sulking about the movie, are you?

Ric: Well you could have warned me.

Martha: Don't be such a baby!

Tasha: Ric, there's nothing to feel uncomfortable about. It's just a movie.

Robbie: Yeah, don't freak out over it.

Kim: And besides... (He puts a CD in the stereo and searches through the tracks) what could be wrong about a movie that features this?

Kim grins as the stereo starts playing “Lets Do the Time Warp Again.” He puts the song on repeat, and lines up the vodka shots on the bar. He slams one down. Robbie and the girls do the same. Ric, unwillingly enticed by the music, finally cracks and gets up to take the shot that Kim has set out for him. Everyone claps him; he smiles and nods – he knows how good he is.

Ric: (To Kim) Can I get another one of those, mate?

Martha: Another one all round!

Robbie: I'm in!

Tasha: Yep!

Kim pours the next round of shots. They each down their own, and the song keeps playing....

...Hours later, the song is still playing. The bar is soaked with vodka as Kim's aim is getting steadily worse. Robbie puts his head on the wet bar-runner, licking the side of his shot glass as Kim pours the vodka over it. Robbie turns his mouth up towards the flow, and Kim obliges by pouring the drink straight into him. Robbie coughs, and Kim laughs at him.

Kim: I think you might have had enough, Rob!

Kim laughs, swaying, and then collapses out of sight behind the bar.

Robbie shakes his head and stumbles away from the bar, glasses askew, feeling his way through the clear air until he finds Tasha on the lounge. He falls onto the cushion beside her and starts falling asleep on her shoulder. Ric starts singing/slurring along to the CD.

Ric: I rememmmber! Doin the tiiiiiiiime waaaaarp! ... Madnesssss!

Martha: (Out of it) That's beautiful Ric.

Tasha: (Also out of it) Yeah... It's... it's amazing how... you know the words... only just heard it...

Ric: (Laughs) Mmm I got a cofezzion to make... s'not my first time. (He giggles to himself.)

Robbie: (Half asleep on Tasha's shoulder) I thought you never seen the moviemmm...

Ric: I... lied! Ha ha!

Martha: Why... why would you... do that?

Ric: Didn't want yous to think I was gay.

Robbie: I'm not gay...

Robbie tries to pull himself up to give Tasha a kiss on the cheek to prove his heterosexual attraction to her. He only gets as far as her collarbone. He kisses that instead and goes back to his half-sleep on her shoulder.

Tasha looks down at him and then across to Martha.

Tasha: Mac, I have to go to the loo.

Martha: 'Kay.

Martha gets up woozily and helps Tasha to do the same. Robbie grumbles as Tasha moves out from beneath him, but he falls back down onto the lounge and rests his head in Ric's lap. Neither boy seems particularly concerned, as they're not really paying attention. Ric does however shuffle along and stand up.

Ric: I've gotta go too.

Robbie doesn't care. He readjusts to the even surface of the lounge, rolling on his back and preparing to go to sleep for real.

Tasha and Martha go into the girls' bathroom. Ric follows them. The girls see him behind them in the mirror.

Martha: (Surprised) Ric! What are you doing in here?

Ric: I have to go to the toilet.

Martha: This is the girls' toilet! ...Isn't it?

Tasha: It is. I checked the little…um…picture…on the…um…door.

Tasha wanders into one of the stalls.

Ric is left with Martha at the sink. Martha takes a lipstick out of her bag and reapplies it...badly. Ric watches her curiously.

Martha: What are you staring at?

Ric: That Frankenfurrr guy looked pretty hot in that make-up.

Martha turns around to face him.

Martha: Are you serious?

Ric: See! This is esackly why I didn say anything about liking the movie! ...Really liking the movie...

Tasha throws up in the stall.

Martha: I agree, Tash.

Ric: Come on Martha... I'm your little couzn, you're supposed to encourage me to esprez myself!

Martha: You want to borrow my make-up to express yourself?

Ric sighs. He takes his shirt off – there's a tight, low-cut black singlet beneath it – it looks like one of Cassie’s. He takes off his jeans to reveal black briefs and fishnet stockings.

Ric: The outfit’d be nothing without it.

***

Behind the bar, Kim is regaining semi-consciousness on the floor. He's vaguely aware of something around his neck. He pulls at it – and rips the top buttons of his shirt. He still feels too constricted to sleep. His belt is digging into his waist. He manages to undo it, and he takes his jeans off. He wriggles out of his shirt and then bundles it up beneath his head, using it as a pillow.

Robbie is asleep on the lounge.

***

Ric finishes applying his make-up in the mirror – bright red lipstick, heavy blue eye shadow, and more than enough rouge on his cheeks. It's not quite as “hot” as he thinks it is.

Martha has passed out on the floor – either from alcohol or shock.

Tasha comes out of the stall and washes her face. She rinses her mouth out, gargling, not even noticing Ric until she's done. She doesn't realise it's him – she thinks it's another woman.

Tasha: Sorry ma'am... I'll get out of your way.

Tasha stumbles out blindly past Ric, somehow managing not to trip over Martha.

Ric doesn't question it. He looks down at Martha, wondering if he should try to wake her up. He decides not to. Instead, he steals her boots because they have heels on them – he needs to complete the “Sweet Transvestite” look.

Ric comes out of the toilets and goes back to the bar (walking awkwardly because of Martha’s boots), passing Tasha, who has crashed out on the pool table.

He goes behind the bar, stepping over Kim, not caring that he’s sleeping on the floor in his underpants. Ric pokes blindly at the CD player, hoping to hit the skip button. He finally finds it, and the continual “Time Warp” loop is broken. (I’m just a) “Sweet Transvestite” starts playing instead.

Ric listens to it for a while, nodding along to the slower lyrics before turning dramatically and miming to no one in particular:

“Don't get strung out by the way that I look,

Don't judge a book by its cover

I'm not much of a man by the light of day,

But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania.”

He tries to strut ala Frankenfurter, but the combination of unsteady heels and Kim’s legs being in the way causes him to trip over. He lands on Kim, who groans, but doesn’t wake up. Ric is no hurry to get up either. He stays on top of Kim, watching him sleep, as the song becomes evermore appropriate:

“By the light of the night when it all seems alright

I'll get you a satanic mechanic.”

He starts miming again, leaning in close to Kim’s ear:

“So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?

I could show you my favourite obsession.

I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan

And he's good for relieving my tension

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania.”

Ric licks Kim’s ear, and then starts kissing his neck and chest…

***

Martha wakes up on the bathroom floor. She notices that her shoes are missing. She pulls herself up to the bench and grabs her handbag, spilling the contents all over the floor as she drags it back down. She searches through the open make-up containers and finds her phone and messages Jack:

“im druk n mz shose r gon”

She hits “send” and goes back to sleep.

***

Tasha is stirring on the pool table. She still feels sick – her head is spinning. She has yet to open her eyes.

Tasha feels someone leaning over, and hears Robbie’s voice in her ear…

Robbie: It’s alright, Tash. Everything’s going to be alright.

Tasha nods and lets Robbie kiss her. She opens her eyes and sees Ric instead of Robbie.

Tash: You.

Ric: I’m afraid so, Tash. But isn’t it nice?

Tash: (Still hazy) What have you done with Robbie?

Ric: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

Tash: You tricked me…I would never…

Ric places a finger on her lips.

Ric: Sh. Robbie's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like this?

Tash: It's your fault.

Ric kisses her again and lowers himself closer to her body. Tasha’s too drunk to care.

***

In the bar, Robbie is just waking up on the lounge. He feels someone leaning over him.

Robbie: Mmm, Tash, you smell so good…

Robbie kisses her with his eyes closed.

***

Martha wakes up again. The bathroom tiles are too cold.

She staggers, barefoot, out into the poolroom, where she sees Tasha lying alone on the table. Tasha is flushed and breathless, but Martha takes no notice – she just likes the idea of sleeping somewhere that isn’t three feet away from a toilet bowl. She hoists herself awkwardly onto the table and curls up at Tasha’s back.

***

Robbie finishes the kiss, and opens his eyes to see Ric instead of Tash.

Robbie: You!

Ric: I’m afraid so, Robbie. But isn’t it nice?

Robbie: You tricked me…I wouldn’t – I’ve never…

Ric: I know, but it wasn’t all bad was it?

Robbie: No… I mean, no! Tash -

Ric places a finger on his lips.

Ric: Sh. Tasha's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like this?

Robbie: Like this? Like how? It's your fault.

Ric lowers himself closer to Robbie’s body. Robbie pushes him back for a moment.

Robbie: You promise you won’t tell Tash?

Ric grins and kisses him. Robbie lets him.

***

Tasha wakes up with Martha’s arm across her chest. She gives Martha a strange look and then wriggles out – she can’t remember falling asleep with her…

Tasha goes into the bar, completely ignorant of Ric making out with Robbie on the lounge. She goes and sits on one of the stools with her back to them. Kim stands up behind the bar. Tasha gives him a strange look as well.

Tasha: Kim, are you naked?

Kim looks down and sees that he’s no longer wearing his underpants.

Kim: Um, yes. Can I get you anything?

Tasha: Water…

Kim: I’ll make it a double.

Tasha: Thanks… Why are you naked?

Kim: I…don’t know. Your lipstick’s smudged.

Tasha feels around her mouth and then looks at the foreign shade of red lipstick that’s rubbed off on her fingers.

Tash: I think this is Martha’s…

Kim: (Grins interestedly) Really?

Tash: Looks like she got you too.

Kim feels his own mouth, and sure enough his fingers are also smudged with the lipstick.

Kim: Awesome. Water, was it?

Tasha: Mhm.

Kim nods and turns around – Tasha sees even more red marks (bites and scratches as well as lipstick) on his back. She smirks to herself.

Kim: (Brings the water to her, and sees her face) What?

Tasha: (Still smirking) Nothing.

Kim looks past Tasha and sees Ric turning Robbie over on the lounge.

Kim: What are they doing?

Tash: I don’t know. It looks like Robbie’s making out with that weird lady I saw in the bathroom.

Kim: Oh. You don’t seem worried.

Tash: Nah, I’m not. I know he loves me.

Tasha gives a drunken smile to Robbie, who is obliviously sighing as Ric kisses the back of his shoulders.

Kim: (To Tash) So, you and Rob have an open relationship now? That’s interesting.

Tash: Why? (She smiles and leans across the bar) Do you want to take advantage of it?

Kim: Maybe. Do you?

Tasha: It seems a shame for you to be all dressed-down with nothing to do.

Kim leans across the bar and kisses her. He glances across to Robbie.

Kim: I think I’m going to have another shot. Want one?

Tasha nods, grinning.

Kim smiles at her and gets the near-empty bottle of vodka (which is beside the completely empty bottle). He pours out two generous shots, and offers one to Tash. She tries to take out of his hand, but he draws it back to his chest.

Kim: Come and get it.

Tasha smirks at him and walks around to his side of the bar. She puts her arms around his neck and kisses him, Kim is careful not to spill the vodka as Tasha slowly pulls him down to the ground.

Tash’s hand reaches up to the CD player – she skips the song ahead to:

“Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me.

I wanna be dirty.

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me.

Creature of the night.”

***

THE NEXT DAY

***

Robbie is asleep on the lounge again. His glasses are missing, his hair is a mess, and his white singlet has faded smudges of make-up trailing all the way down to his boxers…

Ric wakes up on the floor with Robbie’s shirt draped over him like a mini blanket. He shoves it aside and hauls himself to his feet.

Kim and Tasha are asleep behind the bar, holding each other closely. They are both in their underwear – the shot glasses lay abandoned beside them.

Ric wanders obliviously past them into the poolroom. He finds Martha, who is sitting up on the pool table. She sees his face, which is now looking painfully bruised from the purplish mixture of red and blue make-up.

Martha: Ric!

Ric: Hey gorgeous.

Martha: What happened to your face? Why are you in your underwear? Are those fishnets…? Are those my boots?!

Ric winces at her barrage of questions. He jumps up on the table to sit next to her.

Ric: I have a headache.

He lies back on the table.

Martha: (Waiting for an answer) Ric? (She takes a closer look at him) Is that pash-rash?

Ric sits up, groaning at her for asking.

Ric: Can I help it if Kim doesn’t know how to shave properly?

Martha: What the hell have you been doing?

Ric: Everything. Everyone. Except you. (He puts his arm around her) Come on. I won’t give you a rash.

He tries to kiss her but she pushes him away.

Martha: Get off me. You’re my cousin…

Ric: (Laughs) Yeah, alright. I can’t make any promises about the rash anyway. (He thinks for a moment) Isn’t that what cousins are supposed to do though? I mean, if we were younger, experimenting… You are from the country.

Martha glares at him.

Ric: Sux that we didn’t know each other back then.

Martha: (Sarcastically) Yeah, devastating.

Ric: We could… (He puts his arm around her again) …make up for lost time?

Martha stares at him, as if to ask him if he’s serious.

***

Outside the Surf Club, Alf and Jack run into each other.

Alf: G’day mate. You’re not here on official business are ya?

Jack: No. Martha and Kim didn’t come home last night. I got a text from Martha at around 4am – sounded like they had a pretty wild night. I thought they might be sleeping it off here.

Alf: Yeah, well that’d explain why young Kim never dropped the keys to the Surf Club back ‘round to me this mornin’.

Alf tests the door – it’s unlocked, as suspected. He rolls his eyes to Jack.

They walk in to hear the song "Science Fiction, Double-Feature" coming from the stereo in the bar:

“Science Fiction - double-feature

Frank has built and lost his creature

Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet

The servants gone to a distant planet

Oh - at the late night double-feature

Picture Show - I want to go - Ohh –

To the late night double-feature picture show.”

As Alf and Jack enter the poolroom, they see Ric and Martha sitting on the table, about to kiss…

Jack: (Shocked) Martha!

Martha: (Seeing him) Jack!

Ric: Jack!

Alf: Ric!

Ric: Granddad!

Martha: Granddad!

Alf: Martha! What the flamin’ hell do you two think you’re doing!?

Robbie stumbles out of the bar in his underwear, holding his head groggily.

Robbie: Oh, what is all the yelling about?! (He sees the new arrivals to the party) Jack, Mr Stewart? (He sees Ric, and remembers what he did) You…

Ric quickly gets down from the table, avoiding Robbie’s withering stare.

Ric: Um, I’m gonna go find my clothes… (He turns and whispers to Martha) Where are my clothes?

Martha: (Quietly) Bathroom.

Ric nods and heads off in that direction.

Martha: (Calls after him) Girls’ bathroom!

Jack shakes his head at Martha.

Martha: What?

Jack: I knew that movie was a bad influence.

Martha: Please Jack, I think it’s got more to do with the bucket of vodka we all shared.

Robbie notices that he’s still in his underwear, and realises that the alcohol has affected them all rather severely.

Robbie: (Slightly concerned) Where’s Tasha?

***

Tasha wakes up in Kim’s arms.

Tasha: Oh…um…

***

Martha hops off the table and hugs Jack.

Martha: The movie’s influence isn’t that bad, Jack. You don’t seem to mind… (She whispers in his ear) …when I dress up like a naughty maid…

Jack coughs, hoping to God that Alf didn’t hear what Martha just said.

Jack: I think it’s time we got you home.

Martha: What about Kim? Shouldn’t we wait for him?

Jack: Where is he?

***

Kim wakes up as well, and looks at Tash.

Kim: (Confused) Morning…

Tash: Hi…

Kim: Did we…?

Tash: Um, I think so.

Kim: Right… Are we telling Robbie about this?

Tasha: I don’t think so.

Kim: Right.

***

Ric emerges from the girls’ bathroom, fully clothed and having washed his face. He’s carrying Martha’s heels and handbag to give back to her.

Alf gives him a filthy look.

Alf: I guess I’d better get you back to Sal’s before you can do anymore damage.

Kim comes out, attempting to button his shirt with the few buttons he has left. Tasha is standing sheepishly beside him – her hair a mess. She can’t look Robbie in the eye.

Kim: (Speaking of Ric) Sorry Alf, it’s my fault. I should have been keeping an eye on him.

Alf: Yes, you should have. Looks like you had a pretty rough night yourself.

Kim gives up on his shirt and leaves it open. Robbie notices that Tash is acting strange, and puts it together with the state of Kim’s clothes. He’s suspicious of them.

Robbie: (To Kim) What happened to your shirt?

Kim stalls, trying to think of an answer, and then sees that Robbie is in his underwear.

Kim: What happened to your pants?

Robbie: (Squints) Touché.

Tasha: Um, I think I saw your stuff near the lounge, Rob.

Tasha motions Robbie into the bar. He gives a knowing look to Kim, but doesn’t say anything. He exits with Tasha to go and get dressed.

Alf looks around the Surf Club and then back at Kim.

Alf: So what kind of damage are we talking about here?

Kim: None. I don’t think.

Alf: Clean up?

Kim: I spilled some vodka behind the bar.

Tasha: And one of the stalls in the girls’ bathroom might need… cleaning…

Alf: Right…

Kim: I’m going to pay for the drinks.

Alf: Too right you are. You’re also gonna pay for the cleaners. You should be able to get onto someone, have this place resembling respectable by opening. Away you go.

Ric: You mean it’s not even 9am? No wonder I’m still drunk... (Alf glares at him) Sorry Granddad…

Kim sighs to Jack and Martha.

Kim: You guys better head home without me. This could take a while.

Jack nods and leads a giggly Martha away. Kim goes back into the bar to make the phone call.

Robbie and Tash pass him on his way out. Robbie gives him a dirty look behind his back, but Alf distracts him.

Alf: (To Robbie and Tash) I suppose you two need a lift home as well?

Robbie: Yeah, that’d be great, thanks. We’re really sorry that things got out of hand.

Tash: Yeah, we’re so sorry.

Tasha looks up at Robbie, as if the apology was for him as well. Robbie smiles at her – he can’t stay mad at her. Particularly after what he did with Ric.

Alf: Righto, get a move on then.

Robbie and Tash follow Ric and Alf out of the Surf Club.

***

Kim’s on the phone to the cleaners.

Kim: Yep. Thanks. Yeah, I’ll be here. See ya in a bit.

He hangs up the phone.

He goes over to the stereo to take out his Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack. He’s about to press “eject” when he changes his mind and presses “play.” Against his better judgment, he cranks up the volume as “The Time Warp” starts up again. He mimes along to it, acting it out by himself.

Kim:

It's astounding.

Time is fleeting.

Madness takes its toll

Robbie and Tash come back, having heard the music, creeping dramatically through the doorway as Robbie mimes along to the next part:

Robbie:

But listen closely

Not for very much longer

I've got to keep control.

Ric slides in on his knees, having broken free from Alf:

Ric:

I remember doing the Time Warp.

Drinking those moments when

The blackness would hit me.

And the void would be calling.

All: Let's do the Time Warp again.

They undress themselves on every beat, leaving them each in their underclothes (Kim in skimpy underpants, Robbie in his singlet and boxers, Tasha in her bra and underpants, Ric in his black singlet, briefs, and fishnets). They all jump up on the bar to dance. Jack and Martha (dressed in a leather Jacket and a maids outfit, respectively) ride into the bar on a motorbike. They jump off it (it rolls out of view) to dance and mime emphatically in front of the bar.

All: Let’s do the Time Warp again.

Cut to Alf, in the poolroom.

Alf:

It's just a jump to the left.

Others:(dancing in the bar)

And a step to the right - right -

right - right - right.

Alf:

With your hands on your hips.

Others:

You bring your knees in tight.

But it's the pelvic thrust.

They really drive you insane.

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Martha: (Strutting around the others)

It's so dreamy

Oh, fantasy free me

So you can't see me

No not at all.

In another dimension.

With voyeuristic intention.

Well secluded I see all

With a bit of a mind flip

You're into the time slip

Nothing will ever seem the same.

You're spaced out on sensation.

Like you're under sedation.

All:

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Tash: (Strutting, particularly around the boys)

Well I was walking down the street

Just having a think

When a snake of a guy

Gave me an evil wink.

Well it shook me up

It took me by surprise

He had a pick-up truck

And the devil's eyes

He stared at me

And I felt a change

Time meant nothing

Never would again.

All:

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Cut to Alf in the poolroom again.

Alf:

It's just a jump to the left.

Others:(dancing in the bar)

And a step to the right - right -

right - right - right.

Alf:

With your hands on your hips.

Others:

You bring your knees in tight.

But it's the pelvic thrust.

They really drive you insane.

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Let's do the Time Warp again.

As the song winds down, they all fall to the floor and over the bar, exhausted.

THE END

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