Whirlpool of DOOM!!!

[Jay Preston]

Part One

Dani decided to walk along the beach at Summer Bay after her recent return after the successful launch of her book. She's pretty much hugely famous now, especially with the new tell all book about the sister who destroyed her life called "Kirsty, you are a worthless, selfish human being: A story of hope". It's a best seller.

But despite her success, and the successful exploitation of her misery (completely justified as this atrocity happened to *her*) she feels empty. She realises now that she should've done more to destroy Kane and Kirsty, because they deserved it after what they put her through. Instead she decided to go with making peace. She thought it would make her feel better in the long run, but it didn't. Not now that her sister was on the run with her worthless husband, pregnant with baby number three. Kane never did bother with protection, I should know. But really, Dani didn't care about Kirsty anymore. In fact she hated her.

First she ran off with the man who raped her. This guy didn't pay for what he'd done, but Dani would pay for the rest of her life. Kirsty, being selfish, didn't care to think about Dani's feelings. Doing so would be out of character for a selfish person. Then she only returned to her family because Kane threw her out of a car. What a catch Dani thought. Then she ended up marrying the bastard, running off *again* then returning *again* to rub Dani's face in the marriage and a fake pregnancy. Sisterly love, I really lucked out with this bitch. But then Kirsty got sick. And because Dani was a decent, non-selfish human being, she accepted things to make it easier for Kirsty. At least I didn't have to give up a kidney. There's no way I'd live with being an "enabler of life" to the baby-maker that Kirsty has become.

Yes, Dani was feeling empty about accepting Kirsty and Kane. Because she accepted the fact that Kirsty and Kane were going to be in her life forever, to make her life easier. But then they slapped her love and compromise right back into her face when they ran off *again*. Dani got some satisfaction from the fact that Kane was running from a conviction for a crime he didn't commit. He had it coming, since he put me in prison with his false testimony, only to end up staying with my sister.

But as Dani was walking along the beach, that small satisfaction wasn't enough. A rage began to dwell within her soul. A rage against the smite on her life known as Kane and Kirsty. A rage so immense, she stopped breathing for a few seconds.

"I can't believe I let them get away with it! I can't believe they're happy while I still can't get over the constant blows they have given me. How I wish I could rewrite it all!!!", she screamed whilst on the beach. *Seemingly* alone.

But she wasn't alone. The Rage Fairy was listening. The Rage Fairy, despite the name, is really a helpful little pixie. Not evil, not good, but useful. They find the sufferers of immense rage and help them. But only the people who deserve help; people who are full of rage because they have been wronged.

The Rage Fairy appeared to Dani and said "I have heard your screams and seen the damage to your soul. I've felt the pain caused by the evil cancer you call 'Kane and Kirsty'. I cry for you. I want to help you."

Of course, Dani was surprised by the appearance, but heartened. Finally an end to my suffering. So Dani said, "I wish that Kane had never come into my life. So that he and Kirsty would never get together. I know that I would be giving up my fortune from the Guv biography and the 'Story of Hope' book, but to get this torment from my core being would be blessed."

The Rage Fairy was amazed at the restraint shown by Dani. Such a crushed spirit, but that's her wish. The fairy decided to improvise. The idea of Dani's crushed spirit was enough to make the fairy full of rage. The fairy opened up a Whirlpool of Doom and sucked all the memories of Kane and Kirsty as a couple into the inner recesses of the a hell dimension. Kane and Kirsty (the couple) no longer existed.

But the fairy decided to do more. Dani would not remember her life after Kane (because it no longer existed), she would have had a whole new life; but the Guv still existed. So the fairy planted an idea in the new Dani's head to go and see the Guv in prison anyway, to offer to write the biography. And the fairy planted the idea of "Kirsty, you are a worthless, selfish human being: A story of hope" in Dani's head also, as a work of fiction instead of a tell all. So Dani still got her success and riches.

And finally, the fairy made Jade the real Sutherland, and Kirsty the one swapped at birth.

Although Dani, and no one else for that matter, remembered the diabolical pairing of Kane and Kirsty, Dani always had a niggling feeling that things were going better for her than she expected. But she never really gave it much attention. She just lived a well adjusted life without anymore Kane related terror. Kirsty never saw any of Dani's money, and Jade was happy.

[claire_louise]

Fantastic.

[Annette]

Erm... So you're not a fan of Kane and Kirsty then?! Can't really see where this is going...

[Jay Preston]

The Rage Fairy will live and love on... in the Whirlpool of DOOOOOOOM!!!

Because something might have backfired in the spell. KbloodyK were horrible together, but no one counted on them being even worse apart!!!

Poor, poor Dani.

ETA: For continuity purposes, please discount the last few paragraphs of Part 1. They don't fit with my new vision that only came about when Annette layed the challenge.

[Loz]

Awesome stuff, Jaybird. Usually when I say I 'laughed out loud' I'm basically lying, but this time I mean it. Especially here:

Kane never did bother with protection, I should know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And

And finally, the fairy made Jade the real Sutherland, and Kirsty the one swapped at birth.

Nice touch. Possibly the whole thing's way too subtle for a lot of people in these parts, but I'm appreciating it.

[beachbabe]

great fic! please put the next chapter up soon! kirsty the baby maker he he. :-)

[I love music]

If I have the time (I’m not sure I will because I’ll be away over Xmas and I could be moving house the end of January) but would anyone like me to have a go at writing a tongue-in-cheek fic about the destruction of either Angie or Josie?

[Nim]

This fic is awesomly *if thats a word* funny.

I'll be waiting for part two...

[Stefan]

me too. Very good.

[Jay Preston]

Whirlpool of DOOM!!!: The Christmas Special.

It was coming up to Christmas time in the Sutherland house. Dani was home visiting her family for the holidays, taking a break from her wildly successful book tour to return to Summer Bay briefly. "Kirsty, you are a worthless, selfish human being: A story of hope" was an even bigger hit than the biography of the Guv.

Life was beautiful for the lovely and amazing Dani Sutherland. She was spending Christmas with her beloved sister Jade, and the family was having their first Christmas with Jade's newly discovered identical twin, Laura. The three of them made Rhys and Shelly so proud. The only dark spot was the disappearance of Kirsty. Dani sometimes wished that she had chosen a different name for the villain of her book "Kirsty, you are a worthless, selfish human being: A story of hope", because she couldn't help but think that this may have offended her fake sister Kirsty. But it was the perfect name for the selfish nasty bitch that I created in my brilliant work of fiction, she thought.

But Dani still had those niggling feelings that filled her with doubt about her new life. She didn't know that this wasn't how it was supposed to be. That by this point, Kane Phillips was supposed to have destroyed her life several times over.

However, thanks to the kindness of the neither good nor bad Rage Fairy, Dani did not have to deal with this. She had been handed the life she deserved. Dani had proven by her kindness to Kane and Kirsty that she was worthy of a better life, while Kane and Kirsty deserved to suffer for what they had put her through. So the Rage Fairy fixed things for Dani.

The Rage Fairy also took a huge risk changing Jade into the real Sutherland. But the idea of Kirsty and her betrayals and selfishness filled the Rage Fairy with Rage, and the Rage Fairy couldn't help it - Kirsty was removed biologically from the family in an instant. My best work. Not even a soap writer could've gotten it anymore right than I did, the Rage Fairy thought. There was also the fixed relationship between Rhys and Shelly; thanks to the Rage Fairy they had never split.

What the Rage Fairy didn't know was that changing the course of history came with consequences. Dani's feeling of forboding was warranted in this situation. Despite the Rage Fairy's best intentions, Dani's perfect life was about to come undone.

There are three levels of Rage Deities; and these help to keep the balance of righteous rage and evil rage. There are the Rage Angels (the good ones; they remove rage by helping people deal with their problems) and the Rage Fairies (neither good nor bad, it just depends on how they feel; they can use their magic in any way they like to remove rage).

However, there are also supreme evil beings called the Rage Bitches. They are so bad, they like to undo the good work of the Rage Fairies and Angels. And cause more rage. They are constantly on the prowl to cause destruction in any way possible. And a Rage Bitch was on her way to Summer Bay.

The balance of power had shifted, and Dani was going to pay.

The problem was that the Rage Fairy who helped Dani was supposed to be neither good nor evil, but the Rage Fairy had gone too far. The Rage Fairy had been too nice. And it threw off the balance, and immediately came to the attention of the most evil Rage Bitch in the universe.

The Rage Bitch was coming, to reset the balance.

Unaware of the danger that would soon arrive, the Rage Fairy watched over the Sutherland family's Christmas. It was a beautiful occasion, and the Rage Fairy shed a tear of joy. No sooner had the tear rolled down the Rage Fairy's cheek, did the Rage Bitch arrive.

"Well what do we have here, Fairy dear? A happy family Christmas for the Sutherland family? We'll see," sneered the Rage Bitch.

"Don't even think about it Rage Bitch. I won't let you ruin Dani Sutherland's life. This is the life she deserves. I'll die before I let you do this," the Rage Fairy said determinedly.

"Done". In an instant the Rage Bitch summoned her power and killed the Rage Fairy on the spot. "The Bitch has arrived, bitch" was all she said as the Rage Fairy released her last fairy breath.

And in that moment, the Rage Bitch opened the Whirlpool of Doom. And Dani's happiness and joy was sucked down into hell.

The moment the Rage Fairy died, an unexplainable rage returned to Dani's soul. Right in the middle of Christmas dinner. The family was shocked by this sudden turn, as Dani destroyed the house with her rage. They'll all pay. I need to find that bitch Kirsty, Dani thought. She remembered everthing, and without any happiness or joy to compensate, she only felt rage.

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Living an unsavoury life was Kane Phillips. Things never went well for Kane. He didn't understand why. He never did much wrong in his life; just a bit of petty crime.

One day he came across a book. He could read at a 12 year old level, so he managed to read it all the way through, and was able to look up the long words. He felt a strong connection to the book. Something about it was familiar. These thoughts plagued him. He knew the only way these feelings would go away would be if he was to visit the author.

The book was Dani Sutherland's "Kirsty, you are a worthless, selfish human being: A story of hope".

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Kirsty had moved in with her biological parents. They were nice enough, but they weren't family. She had been shafted by her other family. And Dani had written that book with a nasty character called Kirsty. Kirsty had been her usual horrible self throughout her entire life. But I deserve better. I'm Kirsty. I couldn't *help* it, the deluded, selfish young "woman" thought in her half-brain. So what if I put them through hell. They should still treat me like family.

She went for a walk down her new street. And within her, she felt a rage developing. WHAT ABOUT ME!?!?!?!, she screamed in her half-brain. And then the Rage Bitch appeared.

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Rhys and Shelly cleaned up the house after Dani's rage fuelled rampage. They did not know where she had gone. But they worried about her. But they also worried about something else... The moment the Rage Fairy had been murdered, Shelly began to feel doubts about her marriage. What a great Christmas this turned out to be, Shelly thought to herself.

But she didn't have time to think about it. A unpleasant looking young man knocked on the door and introduced himself as Kane Phillips.

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"What are you saying?" Kirsty asked.

The Rage Bitch was getting annoyed. She had been trying to explain the very simple instructions to Kirsty for over four hours. It had gotten dark while she had been waiting for the half-brain to register.

"I feel your rage. You need to think about your rage and think of a way that it could be fixed then wish for that to happen," the Rage Bitch explained.

"What are you saying?" Kirsty asked.

And with that, the Rage Bitch killed her on the spot and assumed her identity.

I'll do it myself, the Rage Bitch thought.

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Kane Phillips explained his arrival at the Sutherland House.

"I read a book by your daughter. About a girl called Kirsty. I think I might be in love with Kirsty. I need to meet her," he declared.

"OK moron, sit down," Rhys said. This poor, dimwit man probably has the same half-brain eating disease as Kirsty, Rhys thought. "The book that Dani wrote is fiction. The Kirsty in the book does not exist."

"That's right. We had a daughter called Kirsty, and while she's just as selfish as the Kirsty in the book, she hasn't done any of those things... Yet," Shelly added.

This disappointed Kane. He wanted someone to love him. So he decided to really reveal himself to the Sutherlands.

"By the way, I'm a serial murderer, and what you've told me tonight displeases me. Therefore, you will die," Kane confessed.

He pulled out a tiny knife ready to fulfill an evil deed. Luckily, a Rage Angel arrived just in time.

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The Rage Bitch successfully turned herself into Kirsty. Eeeew, she thought. Right at that time, Dani rounded the corner in her rage fuelled car.

Just the right time, thought the Rage Bitch and Dani simultaneously.

Dani got out of her car. The rage was unbelievable. She was so full of rage that she stopped breating for a whole minute.

"I remember everything Kirsty. Everything about what you did in an alternative reality that was sucked into hell where my happiness now resides. I remember everything. Especially the part about 'Kirsty, you are a worthless, selfish human being: A story of hope' being a true story. You actually did that and destroyed my life. And now you'll pay," Dani raged.

"Stupid girl, you don't know what you're getting into," The Rage Bitch said.

A fight to the death ensued. Dani was going to open a Whirlpool of DOOM to suck Kirsty away.

But the Rage Angel summoned them back to Summer Bay.

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"Jade's an angel?" Dani asked.

"Yes I am a Rage Angel Dani. When your Rage Fairy was murdered by the Rage Bitch, I knew I was needed," Jade explained.

"Wow, rage must run in this family," The Rage Bitch thought out loud.

"You're right. But don't think you're fooling me Rage Bitch. You are not Kirsty!!!"

The Sutherland family was shocked. Well, not really, since this version of Kirsty seemed somewhat intelligent.

"I'm going to put a stop to this. I may not agree with the Rage Fairy's original actions, but they certainly did not warrant the Fairy's murder, or Kirsty's murder. You've gone too far Rage Bitch," Jade said.

She opened up the Whirlpool of DOOM and the Rage Bitch was sucked into it. The Rage Angel did not worry about the balance - the Rage Bitch has tipped it too far over to the evil side, and therefore needed to be sucked away.

Jade realised that Dani's memory had been too ravaged by this point to turn it back to any kind of reality. Jade had a suggestion instead.

"Dani, you've proven yourself to be very skillful in dealing with rage. You'd be a perfect replacement for murdered Rage Fairy."

Shelly and Rhys were proud. They now had two deities in the family. They looked at the underachieving Laura and shook their disappointed heads.

Jade took pity on Kane. But not really. She opened up the Whirlpool of DOOM and sucked him in. Putting him out of his misery, she thought, It's the best thing an angel could do.

And now everything was kind of good again. Kirsty and Kane never met and Dani never had to deal with that. Instead she became a Rage Fairy.

And it truly was the best Christmas ever.

Is this where the story ends? Maybe, it feels a little stale already.