Caged

[Ludub]

Thanks Suzza for your comment above! Really glad you enjoyed the chapter 

So, the good news is that I actually wrote an excessively long chapter so I decided to split it into two. This is part one. I'll upload the second part tomorrow night (want to do a bit of extra editing). Hope you like this one!

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

 

Chapter 21

 

“It’ll be okay” said Aaron, giving Kyle’s hand a little squeeze as he moved along in the line towards the visiting room, “You don’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to… Just be nice, say hello, let them see that you’re okay.”

“But I’m not okay” muttered Kyle, as he glanced sideways at him. He knew that this wasn’t normal. He knew that Aaron wasn’t really there.

“Okay, so maybe you’ve gone a little bit nutty” admitted Aaron, with a little smirk, “But it’s not like you’re completely crazy…”

“You don’t think that talking to your dead boyfriend is a problem?!” he asked with a worried little frown.

“Well, yeah, I guess it is” said Aaron, “But, I mean, as long as you’re conscious of it…”

“You mean, as long as I know I’m going crazy it’s okay?!” he asked, rolling his eyes at him, “And what?! …I shouldn’t worry about it?!”

“Well, if it means we still get to be together?  …Then yeah!” smiled Aaron, as he elbowed him in the ribs a little playfully. “I mean…” he giggled, “You weren’t complaining last night!”

“I’m glad you think this is funny!” said Kyle, shaking his head a little, “I’m the one who’s seeing things! …Imagining things!”

“You talking to me?” asked the man in front of him as he turned and frowned at him. Kyle had been mumbling under his breath and making strange little giggles but he hadn’t been able to understand what he was saying. He was giving him the creeps!

Kyle didn’t answer. He was just shuffling along and talking to himself.

“Freak!” said the man, as he turned around again and moved forward a little more to increase the distance between them.

“Ooh! Think you might be attracting attention!” laughed Aaron.  “You better ‘straighten up’…” he teased, making inverted comma signs with his fingers, “…and fly right!”

Kyle was still walking along with his eyes fixed on the floor but he was mumbling quietly and humming to himself. The line stopped moving all of a sudden, and Kyle bumped right into the back of the man in front.

“Seriously, mate?!” said the guy, whipping round and giving him a shove in the chest, “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Nothing!” said Kyle, finally looking up and scowling at him, “Just get out of my face!”

“Me?! You’re the one acting like some kind of zombie!” growled the man, as he shoved him hard in the chest again. “Losing your little boyfriend hit you that hard, has it?!” he sneered.

Kyle lunged forward, grabbing the guy by the front of his t-shirt, and slamming him up against the wall. He went to hit him but he stopped his fist just before his face and stood there glaring at him and breathing heavily. Their faces were only inches apart.

“Hey, hey, calm down!” said the guy, realising that he may have misjudged things a little. Kyle was a good deal taller than him and he had a strange wild-eyed sort of look that was making him seem a bit unhinged. “Come on, man… Let me go!” he said, pulling at his hands.

“Fine!” huffed Kyle as he let go of his shirt. He’d wanted to hit him. He’d wanted to hit him so badly, but Aaron had been holding his fist back, and telling him off for resorting to violence instead of using his words. Aaron had always been so damn reasonable. It was infuriating sometimes!

The guy smoothed down his shirt and stepped back into the line in a nervous sort of way. The other men in the line had simply gathered round to watch with interest and hadn’t stepped in to help. There was a curiosity more than anything else. Kyle’s strange behaviour hadn’t gone unnoticed this morning, with him holding a full-blown conversation with thin air in the shower room, and trying to share his breakfast with an empty space in the mess hall. It hadn’t taken long for rumours to start to spread. According to the rumour mill, he’d gone completely crazy when his boyfriend had died, and he’d nearly killed one of the guards. The stories were getting more and more exaggerated as the day went on, so they were just waiting for him to snap and kill someone else!

Kyle turned and glared at the other men who had all fallen back into line. “What are you looking at?!” he asked, clenching his fists, “What?!”

No-one answered. The man directly behind him just held up his hands in a conciliatory sort of way and shook his head.

With that, he turned and began to follow the line again. They were nearly at the visitors’ room now.

“See?” said Aaron, putting his arm around him and leaning his head on his shoulder, “You didn’t need to use your fists… I’ve always told you that.”

“Give it a rest, will ya?!” groaned Kyle. He couldn’t help smiling a little too though. Aaron had always been such a pacifist! He’d always wanted to take the peaceful approach if he could. If only he’d done that in the first place, Kyle though to himself, he never would have wound up in here, and he wouldn’t be dead. Maybe he had a point?

He stepped through the door to the visitors’ room and spotted Heath and Brax on the far side. “Here we go” he mumbled, looking at Aaron a little nervously. He didn’t know what he was going to say to them.

“It’ll be okay” said Aaron, taking his hand and beginning to pull him across the room, “Come on, one foot in front of the other…”

 

*****

 

Josh lay on his right-hand side and stared across the room to the window. It was bright outside, but there were blinds on the glass that made it difficult to see anything. He could really only make out the swaying of a tree in the distance as a green blurry shape moved back and forth. He would have killed to be outside. All he wanted was to sit under that tree. Even ten minutes would have done! The feeling of claustrophobia was really weighing heavily on him today. He couldn’t actually remember the last time that he’d been outside in the fresh air. It couldn’t have been that long ago, he thought to himself, but the warm feeling of sunshine on his face, and the fresh breeze blowing across his skin, felt like memories from someone else’s life. They didn’t feel real. They didn’t feel like they belonged to him.

Smithy’s words echoed in his head and he gave a sad little smile. That investigator had been infuriating, and he’d spent the entire interview wondering how anyone could possibly be so stupid, and now it turned out that there had been a simple reason for that.

“That’s what they do!” Smithy had gloated, “They have to be seen to carry out an investigation… Something like this happens? This many guys die in a riot?! The government can’t be seen to just sit on their asses doing nothing! Noooo…. So, they send in some pretty young thing! Some inexperienced, idealistic little twinky who wants to make a name for themselves… They come steaming in, asking all the wrong questions… They put you guys on the defensive… Anyone with any sense keeps their mouths well shut! And Little Miss Thing slinks off with her tail between her legs in a week or two… They file the report… which basically says nothing… and we all get on with it… Same thing every time!”

Josh gave a little start. He’d drifted off for a second. He was tired and sore after his physiotherapy session, and finding it hard to keep his eyes open, but he was scared to go to sleep.  The dreams had been getting worse…

He tried to concentrate on staying awake. He stared out the window again and started to run through his mind the names of all the streets in Summer Bay. He started to play games with the names, using them to spell other words. He just needed to stay awake.

Suddenly he gave another start as he opened his eyes. The room was a lot darker now. He must have fallen asleep! “Little Fish” moaned a voice behind him, as he realised that he was naked, and that Alexei was in his bed! The Russian was naked too and the hardness of his crotch was pressing against him! Two large arms were pulled around his chest and squeezing him tight! He couldn’t breathe! “Little Fish smells real nice” he whispered into his ear as he began to rub his enormous sweaty leg up and down Josh’s naked thigh. “Stop! No!” he managed to shout, as he tried to free himself from Alexei’s vice-like hold, “Noooo!”

“Josh!” exclaimed the doctor, giving him a shake, “Josh! Wake up!”

Josh’s eyes flicked open, and he gave a guttural scream, as he scrambled out of the bed and onto the floor. His wrist was still handcuffed to the bed so all he could do was kneel beside the bed with his arm raised above his head. He clutched at his chest and wheezed as the panic took hold.

“Josh, calm down!” said the doctor as he crouched down in front of him. “It was just a bad dream, okay? …Look where you are… It’s just a hospital room… You’re safe.”

“Where is he?!” gasped Josh, as he glanced around the room and looked down at the hospital gown that he was wearing. He knew that it had been a dream. Of course, he knew that… He knew that Alexei was gone, but it had felt so real. His skin, his smell, the feel of him against his body… He felt like throwing up.

“You’re safe, Josh!” said the doctor, “You’re safe.”

“Safe?!” snorted Josh. He was never going to feel safe again!

The doctor sat down on the floor beside him and put his fingers to his wrist to feel his pulse. “You know?” he said, giving him a sympathetic little smile, “I actually lived in Summer Bay for a while… That’s where you’re from, isn’t it?”

Josh nodded as he tried desperately to get his breathing under control. His chest hurt.

“It’s a nice part of the world” said the doctor, “You probably know a lot of the people that I used to know?”

“I don’t know?” wheezed Josh.

“Alf Stewart? Irene Roberts?” he asked, with a little smile, “Leah Patterson?”

Josh nodded and gave a weak little smile. “Yeah” he said, “I know them.”

“I used to live in a big farmhouse with my kids” said the doctor, “It was a great place to live… lots of open space, peace and quiet at night-time… I actually still own the house… Rent it out at the moment…”

Josh nodded. He was fairly sure that he knew exactly which farmhouse he was talking about! It was a pretty small world!

They sat for a while longer on the floor as Josh began to calm down. He felt foolish. Panic attacks were becoming a normal part of his routine now. It seemed to happen every time he fell asleep. He’d wake with a crushing pressure in his chest, convinced that someone, or something, was choking him or crushing him. He’d dream of Alexei, or Vasily, or some other faceless monster… The fact that it kept happening didn’t make it any easier to deal with!

“There” said the doctor, climbing to his feet and offering Josh his hand, “Your breathing sounds a lot better… Panic attacks can be pretty scary, huh?”

“Thanks” said Josh, giving him a little nod as he took his hand. “Sorry” he said, as he climbed back into the bed and lay there still wheezing a little, “I just… It keeps happening... Bad dreams...”

“You’ve been through a lot from what I hear” said the doctor, “I think you’re coping pretty well, considering.”  He sat down on the side of the bed and cocked his head to one side. “I won’t be sending you back to the prison until I’m 100% satisfied that you’re in good health… I’ve already agreed that with the welfare officer.”

“Keith?” asked Josh, suddenly feeling quite grateful to him.

“Mr McCoy, yes” he said, “He’s quite concerned about you.” He handed him a cup of water and nodded for him to take a drink. “In fact, Keith would like to speak to you tomorrow if you’re feeling up to it?”

“Do I have to?” sighed Josh. He didn’t want to do any more interviews. He was sick of talking!

“I suggest you do, yes” said the doctor, “He says he wants to help… and I believe him… I think you should too.”

Josh gave an exhausted sigh. “People keep saying that!” he said, “They keep saying they want to help…”

“And how many of those offers of help have you actually accepted?” asked the doctor.

Josh furrowed his brows and looked down at the bedsheets. The truth was that he’d pushed away every person in a position of authority that had tried to help him and here he was, lying in this bed. He was bruised and battered and raped. Maybe he’d been making all the wrong decisions?!

“That’s what I thought” said the doctor, “Don’t you think maybe it’s time that you gave someone a chance? Trust that someone might actually be able to help you out of… out of the mess that you seem to have found yourself in?”

“Maybe” said Josh, “But they’ll probably just get me killed.”

“Well you don’t seem to be doing a very good job of staying alive on your own… do you?”

“I guess not” snorted Josh, with a sarcastic little smile. He liked this doctor. He knew that he was Sasha’s dad. He’d figured that out, but he didn’t really want to get into that discussion with him right now. ‘Hi, I know your daughter… and I’m serving 28 years for manslaughter!’

“Okay then” said the doctor, as he stood up to leave, “He’ll be in to see you tomorrow then.”

“Okay” mumbled Josh, with a grateful little smile, “Thanks, Dr Walker”

[Ludub]

Thanks again everyone for reading and taking the time to comment. Much appreciated! Hope you like this one...

 

Chapter 22

 

Kyle walked up to the table in the visitors’ room where the two boys were. They were both on their feet, and smiling, but there was a look of real concern on both their faces. He stopped in front of them, with his eyes fixed on the floor, and gave a little shrug of acknowledgement.

“Oi! C’mere!” said Brax, throwing his arms around him tightly and stroking the hair on the back of his head, “You had us all so worried!” He pulled back and looked at him with his head tilted to one side. “Mate, are you okay?” he asked.

Kyle just nodded but he didn’t look up from the floor.

“Mate” said Heath, putting his arms around him but feeling him tense up a little, “We’ve been going out of our minds with worry!” He could tell by Kyle’s body language that he wasn’t all that pleased to see him. He couldn’t blame him really! He hadn’t seen him in nearly eight months and he didn’t really have a decent excuse. Turning up now and expecting him to be okay with that was a little bit rich! He didn’t blame him for being angry.

“Yeah, thanks” said Kyle, pulling away from the hug and taking a seat. Brax and Heath glanced at each other in a worried way and then followed suit.

“So, mate?” said Brax, eyeing the faded bruises on Kyle’s cheek and eye, and round his neck, “What happened?! …I mean… that riot?! That was some pretty crazy stuff?!”

Kyle just shrugged and crossed his arms across his chest. He still hadn’t looked at them.

“Come on, Kyle!” said Aaron, leaning over and patting him on the shoulder, “Don’t push them away! They’re here now! You’re gonna need them!”

He looked up for a moment at Aaron as he perched on the edge of the table and narrowed his eyes at him. As much as he loved him, he didn’t like him telling him what to do!

“Okay!” said Aaron, holding his hands up in surrender, “Do what you want!” He made a movement with his hand as though he was zipping his mouth closed.

“Mate, seriously?” said Brax, leaning across the table and squeezing his shoulder, “Are you okay?! We’ve been worried about ya.”

“I’m fine” mumbled Kyle, looking across the room at the clock on the wall. He didn’t really want to be here.

“Kyle, mate” said Heath, “We were watching everything on the news and… we tried calling the prison to find out what was happening… We even came down here with all the TV crews and stuff outside” He frowned a little when he saw Kyle look across at him with a less than friendly expression on his face. “We tried to get in to visit you… We tried… We were worried something had happened to you… They wouldn’t tell us anything.”

“They just kept saying that you couldn’t have any visitors” said Brax, “We figured they’d gone into lockdown?”

“Yep” said Kyle, pulling his arms tighter around his chest.

“So, they just wouldn’t let you have visitors?” asked Heath, “You weren’t hurt or anything?”

“Nope” said Kyle, looking around at the other prisoners in a restless sort of way. He was finding it hard to sit still.

“What’s this then?” asked Heath, turning Kyle’s face to look at the bruising. It was faded but it was pretty clear that he’d taken a bit of a beating. “You get mixed up in some of it?” he asked.

“Get off me” tutted Kyle, as he pulled his face away and scowled across the table at them. “I said I’m fine.”

“Okay!” said Heath, holding his hands up and leaning back in his chair, “Just showing some brotherly concern.”

“Yeah… right” said Kyle, giving a little snort of derision and shaking his head at him, “Brotherly concern…” He eyed the little stack of photos on the table and rolled his eyes a little. “Brought me some happy family snaps, have you?” he asked.

“Yeah, we thought maybe…” said Brax, faltering a little because of the hostile tone of Kyle’s voice, “We..we thought you might want a few more recent ones.”

He reached across the table for the stack of photos and began to flick through them a little aggressively. As he looked at the happy shiny faces in these new photos, that same wave of anger began to crash over him. He moved through them quickly, barely pausing for a moment, as face after shiny face flashed past his eyes. Suddenly he stopped. There was a picture of Bianca with a swollen pregnant belly! He glanced up at Heath in an accusatory sort of way and shook his head in disgust. No-one had bothered to tell him! After a moment of extremely uncomfortable silence, Kyle began to shuffle them again, like they were a deck of cards, and threw them back across the table.

“Mate, you seem a bit…” said Brax, tilting his head at him, “I mean… what happened to you?!”

Kyle looked up from the table and gave a little snort. “So, that’s what this is about, is it?!” he asked, “Fishing for juicy details… like a couple of gossiping girls?!”

“Mate, you know it’s not like that!” said Heath.

“Then what is it like?!” snapped Kyle.

Aaron raised an eyebrow at him in a disapproving way but didn’t say anything.

“What do you mean?” asked Heath, furrowing his brows at him.

“Eight months, Heath!” said Kyle, “Eight months! …But yeah, I guess riots are pretty exciting! …I mean, what?! You couldn’t be bothered coming to visit when it was just boring old Kylie to talk to… There had to be a riot… That’s what it took to get your attention?!”

 “Mate, I… I…” stammered Heath, “I’m…” He didn’t really know what to say to him. He didn’t have a decent excuse! He didn’t have a reason.

“When it comes down to it” he said, shaking his head at them in a sad sort of way, “I’ve never mattered to you… any of you.”

“Hey!” said Brax, “Mate, that’s not true!”

“Yeah, it is!” snorted Kyle, “Yes, it is!”

“Mate, it’s really not!” said Heath.

“How is it not?!” asked Kyle, with a little shrug, “You’ve never really seen me as one of you…”

“Mate, seriously?” said Brax, “You’re being ridiculous now!”

“Am I?” asked Kyle, “Really?!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” asked Brax.

“I’m only a Braxton when it suits you” said Kyle, “But as soon as I’m not useful anymore… As soon as you can’t use me for some deal of yours… You forget I even exist!”

“That’s not true” said Heath, sounding less than convincing. Some part of him knew that Kyle was right. He’d certainly grown to care about him over the years but he didn’t feel about him the same way that he did about Brax, or how he’d felt about Casey. It just wasn’t the same bond.

“Kyle, I…” Brax began to say, but Kyle cut him off.

“You came back from the dead, Brax!” he said, shaking his head at him, “You came back from the dead… And you weren’t even going to bother to come see me! You were there at the house! …Do you have any idea how much I… How much I missed you?! How much it hurt to think that you’d died… But you were gonna just skip town without even sticking your head through the door and saying ‘Hey Kyle! I’m still alive!’ …Because I mattered that little to you! …I’ve never mattered!”

“Hey, look, it wasn’t like that!” said Brax, lowering his voice and hoping that Kyle would follow his lead. He needed him to stop shouting about him having faked his own death. Not while they were sitting in a prison! This place still made him feel uneasy.

“What was it like then?!” he asked, sitting back in his chair and glancing up at Aaron. He’d often discussed this with him and told him just how much that one action had hurt him.  Aaron was looking at Brax now with a look of interest and waiting for his answer.

“I was trying to keep my head down” said Brax, looking around a little nervously, “I wasn’t thinking about anything other than seeing Ric… It’s not like I’d even told Heath.”

“But Ash knew” he said, “Ash knew all that time… and you didn’t think you could trust me.”

“It wasn’t about that” groaned Brax, rubbing at the back of his neck, “I needed you to be there for Ric… I needed you to believe that I was dead because I needed her to believe it… I needed her to move on… I never intended to come back.”

“Right” said Kyle, in a sarcastic tone, “Well, as long as you got what you needed, huh? Brax?” He looked down at his broken watch with the blood still congealed around the edges of the glass. People had been leaving him his whole life. Why had he even been surprised at Brax’s callous attitude?

“I didn’t mean to…” said Brax, “I didn’t mean to make it seem… like that… Like I didn’t care.” He reached out and squeezed Kyle’s shoulder again. “I do care, mate… We all do… We’re just not the best at showing it.”

“Out of sight, out of mind, eh?!” he said, glancing across at a shame-faced Heath.

“I just… I’m sorry, mate… I don’t really have a good excuse…” said Heath, “I’m just an idiot!”

“Well, at least that’s honest” sighed Kyle.

They sat for a moment in silence. Kyle looked up at Aaron for a moment and gave him a sad little smile. He wanted to talk to the real Aaron about all of this. He wanted him back. He needed him more than he could even begin to put into words. This phantom Aaron wasn’t enough. He was never going to be enough because he was hampered by the limitations of his own mind and memory. He needed the real, flesh and bone, breathing man. The one that would have given him his opinion with no holds barred. He missed him.

“So, uhhh, mate?” said Heath, sliding a newspaper article across the table to him, “What happened? …I mean… Is that your cellie? …Brax says this guy was your cellmate?”

Kyle pulled the paper towards him and read the headline ’32 Killed in Australia’s Deadliest Prison Riot’ and scanned down to the prisoner photos printed below. He felt his stomach tighten, and a pain at his heart, as his eyes settled on Aaron’s face. It wasn’t a flattering photo by any means, and it had been taken when he was only 19 years old, but it was unmistakably him. If anything, his big blue eyes looked even bigger in this photo, but he looked so frightfully unhappy and vulnerable too. It was a far cry from the Aaron that he’d come to know over the last eleven months! He glanced up at the older, more self-assured Aaron, and gave him a sad little smile. Aaron shook his head in an embarrassed sort of way and rolled his eyes as though to say ‘I hate that photo!’

“That’s Aaron, isn’t it?” asked Brax, in a sympathetic sort of way, “Your mate?”

“Yeah, it is” he said, tearing the page away and starting to fold it. He’d suddenly realised that he didn’t own a single photo of the man that he loved. Not one! He wanted to keep this one.

“Were you with him?” asked Heath, “I mean… Did you see what happened to him?”

Kyle finished folding the front page and slipped it into his pocket. He sat for a moment, looking down at the table, and wondered how to say ‘My boyfriend bled to death in my arms’? He rubbed his face in his hands and gave a little sigh. He couldn’t talk about it. He couldn’t bring himself to say those words to them.

“So, you’re not going to tell them?” asked Aaron, with a disappointed look on his face, “Not even now?”

“I can’t” he mumbled, throwing him an apologetic look, “I’m sorry, I can’t”

“Mate? Who are you talking to?” asked Brax, as he glanced at Heath in concern. Kyle had been behaving pretty strangely throughout the visit.

“What?!” said Kyle, turning his attention back to his brothers.

“Who were you talking to?” repeated Brax.

“I wasn’t!” said Kyle, “I… I was just talking to myself”

Brax and Heath exchanged worried glances again.

“I know it must be hard” ventured Heath, “Losing a mate, I mean?  …Especially somewhere like this?”

“And what would you know about it?!” he snapped.

“I… I don’t…” admitted Heath, “I guess”

“No, you don’t!” he snarled at him, “You have no idea!”

“Kyle, I know you cared about this mate of yours” said Brax, “But you’ll…”

“He wasn’t just a mate!” snapped Kyle. He clenched his fists and looked up at Aaron. Maybe he owed him this? Maybe he had to do it?! “He was my boyfriend” he growled, through gritted teeth, “I loved him and he loved me… and now he’s dead…”

“He… he was…?” stammered Brax, in a shocked sort of way, “He was your… your….?”

Heath just sat there and stared at him. He was speechless!

“He was my boyfriend” repeated Kyle, as his eyes filled with tears, “He was my boyfriend …and I loved him.”

“He was your boyfriend?!” asked Heath, with an involuntary little laugh. He was just so shocked. “He was your boyfriend?! …Like… your boyfriend boyfriend?!”

“Yeah, Heath…” he answered, in a sad tone of voice. “Kylie got herself a boyfriend…” he said, “So laugh it up, boys! It’s an absolute riot! …Isn’t it?”

[Ludub]

Thanks everybody for the very kind comments. Much appreciated as always! Hope you like this one!

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

 

Chapter 23

 

“Hey! How was he?!” shouted Ricky as the boys crashed through the doorway to the apartment. She and Bianca were having a cup of tea and watching their two little boys playing together on the floor. “Is he okay?” she called out to them.

“Well… that depends” said Heath, walking over and flopping down in one of the armchairs. He rubbed his face in his hands and gave a heavy groan. “I really… I don’t know how to answer that.”

“What d’ya mean?” asked Ricky, looking at him in confusion and then turning to look at Brax out in the kitchen. He’d lifted a bottle of whiskey down from the shelf and was pouring two big glasses. He looked worried.

Brax shook his head at her and then picked up the glass.

“Brax?!” scolded Ricky, “Answer me!”

He just shook his head and threw the contents back before pouring another.

“Seriously, guys!” said Bianca, reaching across and putting her hand on Heath’s knee. He was sitting with his face still hidden behind his hands. “What’s going on? …Is he hurt?!” she asked.

“Nah, he’s not hurt” said Heath, glancing over at Brax as he made his way towards him with two glasses of whiskey in one hand and the bottle in the other. He set the glasses down on the coffee table in front of Heath and went to grab one of the dining room chairs.

“Few cuts and bruises” said Brax, straddling the chair and resting his forearms on the backrest. “He got beat up a little… Nothing too bad…” he said, throwing down a second glass of whiskey “…But… he’s okay… Physically, he’s okay.”

“What do you mean? …Physically?” asked Ricky, wondering why they were both behaving so strangely.

Brax and Heath just looked at each other in an awkward sort of way and shook their heads.

“Oh, for goodness sake!” said Bianca, looking back and forth between the two brothers, “Will you just tell us what’s going on?!”

“Well…” said Heath, starting to laugh out of nerves, “Kyle… He… He’s decided that he’s…”

“That he’s gay” said Brax, giving a snort of disbelief.

“He’s gay?!” repeated Ricky, looking noticeably shocked, “He told you that?!”

“Yep!” said Heath, dissolving into a fit of giggles, “Had a boyfriend and everything… or what is it they call them… like a ‘prison wife’?”

“Heath, that’s not funny!” scolded Bianca, “It must have taken a lot of guts for him to tell you that!” She looked at him very disapprovingly and then glanced at Brax. “You didn’t laugh in his face like this, did you?!”

“No, course we didn’t” said Brax, leaning forward to refill his whiskey glass, “He’s pretty cut up about the whole thing…” He took another swig of whiskey and shook his head again.  “His cellmate… That guy Aaron?” he said, looking at Ricky, “He was his… he was his…” He was still having difficulty saying the word.

“He was the boyfriend” said Heath, biting his lip to try to stifle his nervous laughter, “The one that got killed… That was him.”

“His cellmate?!” exclaimed Ricky, “Oh God, poor Kyle!”

“Yeah… He’s really not… I don’t think he’s in a good way, Ric” said Brax, giving her a look of concern, “The guy bled out in his arms… He got stabbed in the riot… and they were locked in a cell for like 20 hours…  He had to watch him die…”

“Oh, my God!” exclaimed Ricky, shaking her head in a pitying sort of way.

“Kyle just seems a bit…” he continued, glancing across at Heath, “I mean… He’s talking to himself…”

“I think he’s lost it…” said Heath, doing his best to get his nerves under control, “Lost touch with reality.”

“It’s like he’s seeing things” said Brax, looking quite worried, “He just seems a bit… out of it… dazed or something…”

“His boyfriend just died!” she snapped at them, “How’s he meant to be?!” She ran her hand through her hair and stared out the window for a moment. “Why didn’t he tell us he was… I mean, I saw him… what, five months ago? …I mean, why didn’t we know he had a boyfriend… We’ve really let him down, haven’t we?!”

“So… you didn’t know either?” asked Brax, sounding a little dubious.

“You think I knew that he was gay and didn’t tell you?!” asked Ricky, turning to look at him in surprise, “How on earth would I know that?!”

“I don’t know” he said, giving a little shrug, “I just thought… I mean, you two were always pretty close… Maybe he might have mentioned something… or you’d have had some inkling or something?”

“No, I didn’t know” said Ricky, rolling her eyes at him, “I don’t think even Kyle knew that…”

“He can’t just suddenly be gay…” said Heath, “I mean, he must have been… like… ‘in the closet’? It can’t just have come out of nowhere…”

“It’s not always that simple” said Bianca, “Sometimes it’s not about male or female… sometimes you just fall in love with a person…”

“I don’t think I’m gonna fall in love with a man!” laughed Heath, “…No matter how nice a person he is!”

“It’s not all about what’s between someone’s legs, y’know!” scolded Bianca.

“I think I might find it hard to get past it” he replied, with a nervous giggle. He could see her giving him a dirty look so he held his hands up in a conciliatory sort of way, “What?! I’m sorry, but I would!”

“Yeah, well, maybe Kyle’s Bi?” she answered, turning to look at Brax and Ricky, “He’s always been quite… sensitive”.

“It happens” sighed Brax, with a little shrug, “It happens in prison… I knew some guys who were straight on the outside… They were… I mean…. I guess sometimes… people just need a bit of… comfort… or something…”

“Oh yeah?!” laughed Heath, “You and Ash ever have a bit of a cuddle then?!”

Brax just fixed him with a steely glare and set his jaw a little in anger. This whole thing was hard enough to get his head around without Heath making it into some kind of joke. Heath held his hands up in apology and straightened up a little.

“I think maybe Kyle was just really lost” said Ricky, “…I mean, I think maybe he’s been a bit confused?” She looked at Brax and gave him an embarrassed little smile.  “He… He tried to kiss me once.”

“He what?!” exclaimed Brax, suddenly looking a little angry.

“It meant nothing” said Ricky, rolling her eyes at him, “He just got a bit emotional… and I think maybe… maybe I should have seen the signs then… Maybe he was just a bit lost and confused?”

“You think he tried to kiss you because he’s gay?” asked Brax, failing to see the connection.

“I think maybe he was just searching for love” she said, staring off into the distance, “Trying to find comfort some place… wherever he could find it.”

“And he thought he’d find that with his brother’s girlfriend?!” huffed Brax.

“You were dead!” said Ricky, “So, I don’t think you have any right to be angry about that!”

Brax blew out a long breath and rubbed the back of his neck. It was something he always did when he was feeling stressed.

“And he just came right out and told you?!” asked Bianca, shaking her head at her husband, “I mean… he just said ‘I’m gay’?!”

“He said that Aaron was his boyfriend” sighed Brax, “That they were together for about 6 months… And that they… that they loved each other…”

“I need to go see him” said Ricky, nodding her head in a decisive way, “I need to go speak to him myself.” She couldn’t help thinking that she knew exactly what he was going through and that she might be the only person that could help him get through it. She knew what it was like to lose the one person that she had loved more than anyone else. Her soulmate. To feel like she’d lost everything. She wanted to put her arms around him, and be there for him, like he’d been there for her. She owed him that.

“He’s not very happy with any of us” said Brax, looking a little sheepish, “He’s angry with us all for not visiting… for abandoning him… That’s how he sees it anyway.”

“And he’s right… We should all be ashamed of ourselves…” said Ricky, nodding in a sad sort of way, “But he’s gonna need us now.”

“Yeah, he is” said Bianca, looking at Heath in a disapproving way. He was still laughing a little, despite his best efforts to stop. It wasn’t that he found it particularly funny, it was just that it had all been such a shock. He certainly hadn’t expected to hear this today!

“What about Josh?” asked Ricky, “Is he okay?”

“That’s the other thing” said Brax, grimacing a little, “I think we might need to stop by the hospital and see if we can get in to see him… He’s had a tough run of things.”

“That’s one way to put it!” said Heath.

Kyle had told them about Josh’s injuries and the fact that he’d been repeatedly sexually assaulted by his cellmate. Brax was even familiar with the reputation of Alexei Petrovski so he was in no doubt about how serious the assault would have been.

“I think we may have a problem” said Brax, “That guard? …Kyle thinks he’s just taken the money.”

“You mean… he’s not going to move Josh?” she asked, frowning at the thought of ever having to see that guard again.

“He will if he knows what’s good for him” said Brax, glancing across at Heath, “We might just have to give him a gentle reminder.”

 

*****

 

Josh’s eyes began to slowly flutter open. Everything was a little blurry so he blinked a little and tried to bring his vision into focus. There was a young woman standing by the window. At least he thought there was… She had her back to him but she had long dark hair and a very petite frame. There was a string of beads around her wrist that he was sure he recognised and he could see a ring made out of wire on her ring finger.  Surely, it couldn’t be?! Could it?! Was it Evie?! …He tried to call out to her but he found his throat too dry to speak. The words just wouldn’t come… His heart was racing now. What on earth would he say to her?! How would he explain his injuries?! Would she know instinctively the things that had happened to him? The things that he had had to do?! What would she think of him?! Would she see him for the pathetic weakling that he was?! This sorry excuse for the man that she had loved?! Part of him wanted to hide. He didn’t want her to see…

“You’re awake?!” she said, suddenly turning to look at him, “I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up.” There was something a little cold in her tone. He would have given anything for her to smile at him the way she used to. To look at him with hope and excitement shining out of those bright blue eyes of hers. Now she looked a little grey and sad. Like the light had been snuffed out.

“Evie” he started to say, “I’m… I’m so sorry…”

“Oh, I bet you’re sorry!” she said, walking over and taking a seat on the side of his bed, “I bet you’re really sorry!” She smiled at him but there was nothing kind about the look on her face.

“I never meant to hurt you” he whispered, feeling his eyes begin to fill with tears, “I still love you.”

She gave a little snort and shook her head at him. “You think I’d want you now?!” she sneered at him, “You think any woman in her right mind would want you now?! …I mean…. You’re damaged goods, aren’t you?” She leaned in close enough to whisper in his ear. “From what I’ve read in your medical records right there” she whispered, pointing to the chart at the end of his bed, “Very damaged!”

He looked at her in shock. He’d never known Evie to be so cruel.

“Rectal gonorrhoea… And stitches!” she said, smirking at him and raising her eyebrows, “Sounds like that cellmate of yours really had some fun with you!”

“Evie?!” he pleaded, looking down at his shaking hands. He couldn’t look her in the eye. “Why are you doing this?”

“Oh what, were you expecting sympathy?!” she laughed, “You thought I’d come in here and tell you that it didn’t matter?! That you’re still a man in my eyes?! That it doesn’t matter that you let him do those things to you?!”

He began to cry.

“Oh, there he goes! Snivelling little girl… Alexei was right, wasn’t he?!”  She ran her hand down his chest, and rested it on his stomach, just above his crotch. “He was right. You are pathetic!”

“Can you please just leave me alone?” he asked, glancing up at her with tear-filled eyes. He’d never felt more betrayed.

“You enjoyed it though, didn’t you?” she continued, moving her hand down and cupping him between the legs.

“What?!” he gasped, trying his best to sit up and pulling at her hand to move it away, “I didn’t… It was…”

“You wanted it, didn’t you?!” she insisted, refusing to let him pull her hand away. She had a firm grip and she was clearly enjoying the fact that she was hurting him, “You even went back for more...”

He was trembling now, partly from the pain, and partly from fear. She just wouldn’t let go. The more he tried to make her release him, the tighter she squeezed.

“Oh, come on, Josh!” she teased, “You can’t lie to me… Everyone knows what you are now… They all know…”

“I’m not!” he wheezed, feeling sure that he was going to vomit, “I’m not! …It was rape! I didn’t want it!”

“Got a taste for it now though, haven’t you?” she continued, finally loosening her grip a little and crawling on top of him, “You like it rough, don’t you?” He felt her body stretched out on top of his, crushing his ribcage, but for some reason he couldn’t move. It was like he was suddenly paralysed. His eyes widened in fear as he felt an unmistakable hardness pressing against his groin. It didn’t make sense! Was she wearing a strap-on?! He stared up at her, paralysed and unable to speak, and felt his whole body shaking with fear and anticipation. She was staring down at him with a look of pure hatred on her face. He wanted to throw her off him. He wanted to shout at her to stop. Why was she doing this?!  

“See?!” whispered Smithy, “I knew you’d like it… Just took a little bit of persuasion!” The guard’s body was lying on top of his and crushing his body down against the mattress. Josh’s hands were both strapped down so he couldn’t move.

“Mrrrrhhhm!” he cried, suddenly realising what was going on, “Get off m…!”

“I don’t think so!” snarled Smithy, clamping his hand over Josh’s mouth and nose, and grinning down at him, “Now, you’re gonna listen to what I have to say.”

 

*****

 

Josh looked up at the blue sky and squinted at the little glimpse of sunshine between the branches of the tree. He’d wanted to be out here so badly. He’d been daydreaming about it for days and wondering how it would feel to be out here in the fresh air and away from that hospital room. To not have four walls hemming him in and making him feel like he couldn’t breathe. Now that he was here though, he didn’t feel any different. He felt just as trapped as he’d been before. In some ways, this was worse!

Keith had gotten permission to bring him out to the garden. Dr Walker had suggested it, but they’d had to get special restraints, and an armed guard to agree to him being allowed outside. He was wearing shackles on his ankles, and handcuffs on both wrists, and all four were connected to a chain around his waist. Even if he’d been able to get out of the wheelchair he wouldn’t have been able to run. He’d never felt less human.

He thought about the events of the morning and wondered at his own change of heart. He didn’t really know how it had happened because everything in him had been screaming at him not to talk, not to tell. His every instinct had been telling him that this was a sure-fire way to get himself killed… and yet… He’d needed to do it. Something had simply broken. Last night had been the last straw! He couldn’t take it anymore! He'd suddenly found himself confiding in Keith, and telling him much more than he’d ever intended. It was like a floodgate had opened this morning, and everything had come pouring out in a sudden rush of tears and rage. Dr Walker had been there too and he’d been grateful for that. He’d told them both everything. He’d told them about the sexual assaults at the hands of Alexei Petrovski and all the other injuries that he had sustained. He’d told them about the threats of violence from other factions within the prison. He’d told them about the attack in the shower room the first time, and the second one with Vasily and his men. He’d told them about the riot, Vasily falling on top of him, and about Aaron dying in the cell. He’d told them everything… well, nearly everything… He’d thought that telling them would make him feel better. That unburdening himself would somehow do just that… Lift a weight from his shoulders… but it hadn’t. Truth be told, all he felt was an emptiness inside. He felt like he’d been chewed up and spit out. Used and abused and broken… He felt like he had nothing left.

“I can’t do it anymore” he said, staring across the hospital gardens to where the prison guard was standing. He wasn’t Smithy. He was one of the younger guards who’d been recruited since the riot. He seemed like a nice enough bloke but he still didn’t want him overhearing. “I can’t do this” he said again, in a quiet and broken voice.

“You can’t do what, Josh?” asked Keith, looking a little surprised. Josh hadn’t spoken for nearly twenty minutes and he’d been waiting for him to break the silence.

“I can’t… I can’t live like this… Something has to change” sighed Josh, leaning his head back to look up into the branches of the tree, “This isn’t a life that’s worth living.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.” said Keith, following his gaze.

“I need someone to help me” he said, blinking back the tears that were threatening to come, “I need… I need something to happen… I need someone to stop him…”

“Stop who?” asked Keith.

“He came to my room last night” said Josh, sounding a little dazed and distant and shaky, and as though he was talking to himself more than him, “He came into my room and he… he could have done it …and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him… He came pretty close… He was… He was on me… On top of me, just like Alexei… Just like him… He could have… and I couldn’t do anything…” He brought his gaze down and looked at Keith with teary looking eyes. “I can’t live like that!” he said, “I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering when it’s going to happen again.”

“Wait a minute, Josh!” said Keith, sitting forward and looking at him with renewed interest, “Who are we talking about here?!”

“I don’t care if I get killed” he said, breathing heavily as though he was on the brink of a panic attack. “Telling you is probably just going to get me killed… but right now, I think I’d prefer to be dead…” He looked up into the tree branches again and gave a shuddering sigh. “I’ve been looking at those branches up there and fantasizing about throwing a rope over one of them and hanging myself… I mean, it would be better, wouldn’t it?”

“No, Josh” said Keith, looking very worried now, “It wouldn’t.”

“He wants more money” said Josh, looking down at the ground in a dazed sort of way, “I mean, I didn’t know there was any money in the first place… Kyle shouldn’t have done that… I wouldn’t have agreed to that… but now he says he wants more… and he says if I don’t give it to him, he’s going to… he’s going to finish what he started last night.” He looked up at Keith and shook his head. “I don’t have any money” he said, “I don’t have anyone on the outside even… All the family I have is in prison… There’s no money… I tried to tell him that but he won’t listen.”

“Who are you talking about?” asked Keith, already fairly sure that he knew the answer, “Are we talking about a guard, Josh?”

Josh looked at him in a startled sort of way. He’d expected him to be shocked. He’d expected him not to believe him. He glanced across at the other guard who was keeping watch but he didn’t seem to be taking too much of an interest. He nodded and clasped his hands together tightly. If he’d been able to, he would have hugged his arms around his chest. He felt very vulnerable sitting here with these shackles on, restrained and unable to move. Just like last night.

“Are we talking about Officer Smith?” asked Keith, giving him a sympathetic little head tilt, “Has he been trying to extort money from you? Has he threatened you? Are you saying that he tried to rape you?!”

“You know about him?!” asked Josh, looking surprised and a little scared, “You know that he’s crooked?”

“We know a lot more than that” said Keith, lowering his voice and leaning towards him, “Officer Smith and a number of other guards have been running an extortion racket and drug smuggling operation in this prison for some time… You’re not the only victim… but no-one will ever speak to us… We know he was involved with Alexei Petrovski and the Russian mafia, which I think you’re probably in a position to confirm…” He paused for a moment and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m taking a risk here, Josh, but I think maybe we could help each other out…”

“Wait… what… what do you mean?” he stammered, “I thought you were just a welfare officer?”

“Yes and no” said Keith, giving him a little smile and looking quite proud of himself, “I am the welfare officer…. But I’m also working with the Federal Police, and if you’re willing, we could use your help…”

“You think I can help?” he asked in an incredulous sort of way, “What can I do?!”

“Ordinarily we wouldn’t be bringing you on board like this… but we’re in an unusual situation” said Keith, “There’s been an unfortunate development because of the riot… We lost someone on the inside… and I think you might be just the person to help us out of a hole.” He sat forward and gave him a little smile. “I think we’d be willing to cut you a deal."

[Ludub]

Thanks again everyone. Sorry for the long wait. Hope you enjoy this one.

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

Chapter 24

 

One week later…

“So, this is her then?” asked Aaron, perching himself on the side of the table, with his arms crossed in a defensive way, and looking at her with a raised eyebrow, “This is the famous ‘Ricky’, is it?”

Kyle glanced up at him and smiled a little. He recognised that tone in his voice. That tone that said ‘These people don’t deserve someone as special as you… You’re better than this!’ Aaron had always sounded that way when it came to anything to do with the Braxtons. They certainly hadn’t made a good impression, even if he’d never met them! He cringed a little, looking at Aaron now, when he thought how many times he’d had to come back from the visiting room and tell him that his family had bailed on him yet again. How many times he’d gotten his hopes up, talking excitedly about seeing them and wanting to find out how things were going for them on the outside, only to find that they weren’t as bothered about him. He’d been embarrassed as the weeks had dragged on and on, and no-one had ever come. So ashamed to let Aaron see just how alone he was. How worthless… He’d thought about lying sometimes. Not telling him that Brax and Ricky had cancelled and that he’d only been informed at the door that there was no-one there to see him. He’d wanted to save face, and not let him see how unwanted and uncared for he really was. He’d thought about making things up and coming back with a fake smile plastered across his face… He’d even tried that once, but Aaron had seen through it. He’d known. He’d always been able to tell.  The hurt on his face must have been so apparent that even a fake smile couldn’t hide it. Aaron had been in and out of that visitor’s room practically every other day and there’d always been letters and photos stacked all over their cell. He’d always been so full of stories of his sisters, revelling in their news, and talking about what they were going to do when he got out. And then there were the times that he’d obviously been holding back, not telling him about his chats with his family, and trying not to rub his face in things. But that had just made him feel even more pathetic. That his boyfriend couldn’t even talk about his family for fear of highlighting just how rubbish his own one was? How sad was that?!

“She’s not what I was expecting” said Aaron, looking her up and down in a judgemental sort of way, “The way you talk about her! You’d have thought she was the most beautiful woman on the planet… I mean, she’s okay… but she’s nothing that special!”

Kyle rolled his eyes at him, and shook his head, but he couldn’t help smiling either. Aaron had always had a tendency to be a little bitchy when he was angry and it was something that he had loved and hated about him in equal measure. He’d been quite resentful of Ricky in real life too and hadn’t always managed to bite his tongue. He’d been angry on Kyle’s behalf of course and he couldn’t really blame him for that. He couldn’t fault his loyalty. In his view, Ricky had simply used Kyle for babysitting duties, foisting her child on him at every available opportunity, and taking advantage of his kind nature. Now that he was locked up and of no further use, he’d been dropped like a hot potato, and that just didn’t sit right with him! He hated users! From what Kyle had told him, he’d been more of a parent to that baby than Ricky ever had! And as for Brax?! ‘Ungrateful bastards!’ he’d said on more than one occasion, ‘God help that baby of theirs!’ Of course, they’d had some shocking fights about it! Sometimes dragging their mattresses off the floor and sleeping in their separate bunks. Giving each other the silent treatment for hours the next day. Old loyalties die hard, and all that… What he wouldn’t give to be able to lie in that bed with him again, just one more time, though. He smiled a sad little smile when he saw Aaron tilt his head at him in pity.

‘You’d better answer her…” laughed Aaron, motioning with his head to the blonde seated at the table in front of him, “…before she gets you a trip to the psych ward for being loony tunes!”

He’d only been vaguely aware of her talking.

“Kyle?” he heard her say, eyebrows furrowed with a look of real concern etched on her face, “Kyle, are you even listening to me?!”

“Wuh” he answered, finally bringing his attention back to her, “Uh… sorry, what were you saying?”

“Kyle… I… I’m so sorry I haven’t been to see you for a while” she said, realising now that what Brax and Heath had said was right. He was behaving very strangely. It was almost as though he wasn’t connected to the world or the people around him. He’d come in to meet her, and gone through the motions of saying hello, but there hadn’t been any of the normal warmth in his greeting. She might as well have been hugging a surfboard, for the amount of affection that he’d shown! And that just wasn’t Kyle! And just now it was like he’d disappeared somewhere in his head. He hadn’t been listening to a word she’d been saying and kept looking at a space just beside him and smiling in the strangest way. She didn’t know what to make of it. Maybe losing his boyfriend had just broken him?! It certainly looked that way!

“Four months” he said, suddenly making eye contact and setting his jaw a little in anger, “You haven’t been here in four months.”

“Yeah… I know” she said, blushing a little red, “I’m sorry, Kyle… I… I don’t really know what to say… I know I’ve let you down.”

“How long do you think it would have been?” he asked, leaning back and crossing his arms, “If there hadn’t been a riot? How long do you think it would have been before any of you came to see if I was living or dead?”

“Kyle, that’s not fair!” she said, flushing an even deeper shade of red, “Life is just… it’s…”

“Busy? …Yeah, Brax said.”

“Kyle, I’m sorry!” she pleaded, reaching across the table and placing her hand on his forearm, “I really didn’t mean to leave it so long… You know how much I care about you… how much I love you.”

He gave a little snort and looked up at Aaron. There was a sarcastic little smile on his face that said he didn’t believe a word that she had to say. Ricky followed his gaze and wondered what it was that he could see. He was staring into thin air!

“What is it you want?!” asked Kyle, turning his attention back to her with a look in his eye that was less than friendly, “Come here to see the homosexual for yourself, have you?! …I assume Brax and Heath told you? Just couldn’t resist coming down here to have a look! Bet you were all having such a laugh!”

“No-one was laughing at you, Kyle!” she assured him, “And you know it’s not about that!” This wasn’t the Kyle that she knew and loved. It was like he’d been hollowed out and all that was left was a shell. She wondered where he’d gone? That sweet man that had been with her through so many of the hard times? The one who had held her hand when she’d been giving birth. The Kyle that she knew to have a good and kind heart and who would never have spoken to her in this way. Where was he?!

“Then what is it about?!” he snapped at her, “What?! You want to know about the riot too?! All the gory details?!”

“You know me better than that!” she answered, searching his face for any sign of the old Kyle, “You know that’s not why I’m here!”

“Then why are you here, Ricky?!” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her, “Why now?! …After all this time?! Four months… You didn’t want to see me… None of you wanted anything to do with me… Didn’t care enough to come down here…”

“It wasn’t like that!” she said, looking ashamed of herself, “It really wasn’t… I know that’s how it looked, but it wasn’t…”

He shook his head at her and gave an angry little snort. “Then the riot happens and… Suddenly Brax and Heath couldn’t get down here fast enough! ‘Banging down the door’ is what the guards told me…Funny that, don’t you think?!”

“They were just worried” she said, “It just looked so… so full on… I guess it scared them.”

 “…And now you?!” he said smirking at her, “Couldn’t be bothered coming down here, couldn’t see your way to come visit the guy who basically raised your child for you… Now you hear he’s gay?! And what, you wanted to come down here and do some digging?! Take some juicy gossip back so you and Brax can have a laugh about it?!” His voice had trembled a little on the last few words and he silently cursed himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. He could feel the threat of tears forming too, but he clenched his jaw, and willed himself not to cry. He didn’t want to show her that weakness. Not now! She didn’t get to see him like that after what she’d done. She didn’t get to be the one who picked up the pieces and then skipped out of here like the last four months didn’t matter. Like she hadn’t abandoned him when he’d needed her most! She didn’t get to pat herself on the back for being a good friend now, when she hadn’t been for such a long time. He was going to stay strong! He was going to hide his pain.

“Kyle, come on!” she said, rubbing his arm in a soft and tender sort of way, “Can you stop trying to push me away and just… please just talk to me? I know I’ve messed up! I know I’ve let you down… but I’m here now! …I’m here.”

“It’s too late” he said, looking away across the room and blinking to stop the tears from coming. He wanted so badly to let her hug him. Even now, she had her hand on his arm, and he could feel the softness of her hand against his flesh. He hadn’t had the heart to shrug her off him like he might have done with anyone else. Like he would have done with Brax. It was Ricky that he needed right now and deep down he knew that. As angry as he was with her, there had always been a connection between the two of them. A closeness that he couldn’t explain. It was why he’d tried to kiss her that time. He’d confused the close ties that they had, and his need for some kind of comfort in that moment, for something romantic. Of course, it hadn’t been. Their relationship was more akin to family. But he needed her right now. He needed her more than he wanted to admit to himself.

“I did that deal for you, y’know?!” she said, sounding a little hurt, “I took that risk… We both did… me and Brax!”

“I know” he sighed, glancing at her in a guilty way before looking away again. He knew that she’d put herself out there for him when he’d asked her to. It didn’t excuse the fact that she hadn’t come to see him, but he knew that she hadn’t abandoned him completely when it came down to it.

“You know I love you” she said in a pleading sort of voice.

He didn’t respond. He didn’t even look at her.

“Sweetie, I know about Aaron” she ventured, feeling him begin to shake “I know that you lost him… That he died in the worst possible way…”

He turned to look at her with teary eyes.

“I know you loved him” she continued, gently stroking his arm, “I know… I know what it feels like… to lose someone like that… To feel like you can’t breathe…”

He glanced up at Aaron. He was smiling at him in the saddest way. It was true, he did feel like that.

“I can’t know what it’s like for you” she said, “I don’t know what it’s like to be in here… but I know what it’s like to lose the man you love… to have him ripped away from you…”

He began to nod, blinking frantically as he tried not to cry, and looked around him in an embarrassed way as though he’d suddenly remembered where he was. He couldn’t be seen to cry in front of all the other inmates!

“When I thought I’d lost Brax, I felt like my whole world just stopped” she said, her lower lip trembling as she blinked back tears too, “I mean, you know what a mess I was… You were there, you saw! …I remember what it felt like… I felt like I was suffocating”

“You said you were relieved” he said, sounding a little distant, “Like Brax dying had ‘freed’ you”. He didn’t think that she could really understand his pain. She hadn’t lost what he had lost. She hadn’t loved Brax like he had loved Aaron.

She stared at him for a moment. Part of her wanted to get angry with him for what he’d just said. It was true. She had said that! But surely he had to understand the life that she and Brax had lived. He’d put her through so much pain! She’d been relieved not to have to live like that anymore, but not to lose the man that she’d loved. Besides, it had mostly been the anger talking… Looking at his heartbroken little face now though, she couldn’t bring herself to shout at him.

“You need to talk to someone” she sighed, realising that that someone might not be her, “You need to tell someone what you’re feeling…”

“I didn’t even get to go to his funeral” he suddenly blurted out. He was trembling and grimacing as he tried to hold the tears at bay. “They just buried him” he said quietly, “…and I don’t even know where.”

“Kyle” she sighed, reaching for his hand, “I’m so sorry!”

“I don’t even know where he is…” he repeated, glancing around again in a frightened way, “He’s just gone.”

She got up from her chair, and came to crouch in front of him, glancing at the guards momentarily to check that it was okay. Neither of them made a move.

“Kyle, I am really… I’m so sorry” she said, cocking her head to one side and putting her arms out to him for a hug.

“I loved him” he whispered, as he let her pull him into her arms, “It just… It hurts so much…”

She held him in her arms and looked around the room nervously. She was just as worried as he was about drawing unwanted attention to themselves but no-one seemed to be paying too much heed. His whole body was shaking in her arms. He wasn’t crying but he was clearly on the edge. “I’m sorry” she said to him again as she held him tight to her, “Mate, I’m so sorry.”

 

*****

 

Josh closed his eyes and gave a heavy sigh as the hot water cascaded down on top of him. It felt so good. Hot steaming water hitting his tender flesh. It kind of hurt too, but in a good way. He wanted to take in every moment of this shower and enjoy it for the luxury that it was. He wouldn’t get to do this again for… well, probably not for the rest of his life! Once he went back to prison, that would be it. Back to communal showering. Back to using the toilet in front of another man. Back to having no say over any single aspect of his life. That was a sad thought but he tried to push it away. He needed to try to hold on to this. The one pleasure that he’d had in months. This was good. He was having a shower on his own, with total privacy. The guard was outside the door of course, but in here, he was on his own! There was no-one else in here with him. No other naked bodies around him, invading his personal space with their stink and their sweat. Nobody else’s wandering eyes to make him feel afraid and vulnerable. No-one leering at him. He’d actually been able to wash himself, for the first time since he’d been in prison, without feeling that every move he made was being scrutinised. He opened his eyes and looked for the sponge that they’d given him. He’d hung it off the shower door handle. His body was recovering, but having a spleen injury had slowed his healing, and there were still dark brown bruises on his ribs and abdomen. They’d taken his stitches out yesterday, which was why they’d allowed him to have this shower today, but parts of him were still very tender. He was grateful that he’d got to stay out of the fray for as long as he had, but now it was time to go back. He was dreading it. He was terrified.

He looked at the sponge for a moment and then squirted some soap on it. He knew that nothing he did was ever going to make him feel clean again but it didn’t stop him from wanting to try. He turned the temperature up on the water until it was just a bit too hot. Just slightly painful. Then he began to scrub his skin, wincing as he dragged the sponge a little too violently over the brown bruises on his stomach. He scrubbed and he scrubbed and he scrubbed...

‘How am I going to do this?’ he asked himself, as he rubbed his skin raw, ‘How am I going to keep it together when I’m back in there? Back in that cell with God knows who?! Back where Smithy can get to me?!”

He was scrubbing too roughly and grimacing with the pain. He knew that he’d only had his stitches removed and that he shouldn’t be doing this, but he had to! He couldn’t stop himself!

‘Am I strong enough to do what they need me to?’ he asked himself, ‘Or am I just gonna get myself killed?’ He winced a little when he saw the foam in the shower tray turn a sort of pink colour but he couldn’t stop himself. He just wanted to feel clean. ‘Does it matter?!’ he thought, with a sad little laugh, ‘Does it really matter?! …Either he kills me… or I do.’

“Knock knock!” shouted Smithy. It was a voice that had become all too familiar, “Get out here, Barrett! Shower time’s up!”

“Oh-Okay!” he shouted, as he hastily turned the shower off and got out. They must have changed the guards while he’d been in here. “C-coming… Just… Just a minute!” he stammered, hoping that Smithy would have the decency to let him get dressed before he started messing with him.

“The doc’s here” shouted Smithy, knocking again quite insistently, “You’re needed for tests… Get your butt out here!”

“Yeah, I’m coming!” he shouted.

‘That’s why he didn’t come in!’ he thought to himself, with a sigh of relief, ‘Doctor Walker’s there! He won’t let him see him victimising the prisoners! Thank God for that doc!’ He began to dry himself as quickly as he could with the towel that they’d given him and then pulled on the hospital issued pyjamas. He still couldn’t bend very well so it took him a moment to get the trousers on. He dried his hair a little frantically, worried that Smithy would lose patience with him and come in to get him. He didn’t want to antagonise him if he could help it.

“Okay, coming out” he said, before opening the door and holding his hands out to be cuffed. He threw a very brief smile at the doctor as Smithy cuffed his wrists. He’d never been more grateful for anyone’s presence as he was right now.

“We need to take you for an MRI” said Sid, “I’m not 100% happy with your breath-sounds… and I’d just like to check that we haven’t missed anything.”

“Okay” said Josh, nodding to the wheelchair, “Do you want me to go in that?”

“No, I think you’ll be okay to walk” said Sid, “I think it might be good for you to have a bit of exercise… if we’re going to get you back to normal.”

“Okay” nodded Josh, looking a little nervous as he glanced at Smithy’s smirking face. He’d hoped that he would say that he had to use the wheelchair. Now he was going to have to be cuffed to a man that made his skin crawl. Still, he was going to have to get used to being around him. Up close and personal. He was going to have to learn to deal with him if this plan was going to work.

“Looks like we’re gonna take a stroll then” said Smithy, producing another set of cuffs to cuff the two of them together.

“Hey Smith” said a young guard, suddenly appearing in the doorway, “The warden needs to see you… Sent me to relieve you.”

“But I just started my shift” argued Smithy, flushing red and looking a little nervous, “What does he want to see me about?”

“How would I know?” shrugged the other guard, “Just said for you to hop it… I got called in on my day off so it must be pretty urgent.”

“Great!” huffed Smithy, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated way before letting go of Josh’s arm, “Guess you’ll have to get along without me then!”

The young guard walked over and took hold of Josh’s arm. “I’ve got him” he said, nodding for Smithy to go, “Better get going… You know what he’s like.”

“Yeah… alright” groaned Smithy, “You keep a close eye on this one though… He’s a runner!”

Josh gave a sad little snort. He might have been a runner not so long ago, but he was finding it hard enough to walk these days. His injuries had been pretty serious, and he’d had to do quite a lot of physio just to get back on his feet. He wouldn’t have made it to the end of the corridor!

They watched Smithy go and then the new guard undid his cuffs and cuffed one wrist to his own.

They began to walk out to the hallway, and as they passed Sid, he saw him give him a strange little smile. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“Guess we’d better get going then!” said the guard, giving him a little wink, “Gotta get you down to that MRI, haven’t we? Wouldn’t want you to be late!”

[Ludub]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Hope you like this new chapter x

WARNING: VERY ADULT THEMES!

 

Chapter 25

 

Brax pushed the yellow toy car along the floor making a ‘vroom vroom’ noise, and beeping at imaginary traffic. Little Casey giggled and squealed like a mad man in response. For some reason, he found the ‘beep beep’ noise incredibly funny.  So, like most small children, he wanted him to repeat that same joke over and over again. He would have had him do it all evening. Ricky was out in the kitchen making dinner, so Brax was trying to keep Casey occupied, and maybe tire him out enough so that he’d go to bed tonight without a fuss. He and Ricky desperately needed some ‘quality time’ together.

“Brax?” called out Ricky, “How hungry are you?”

“Uhh… Pretty hungry” he shouted back.

“Hungry like ‘Meh, I could eat’, or hungry like ‘I’d eat the leg off that table’?”

“Hungry like I’d eat a scabby horse!” he shouted back “Absolutely starvin’!” He’d been for a swim after work and he’d certainly worked up an appetite. “Why?” he asked, sounding a little dubious.

“Just trying to decide how much pasta to put on” she shouted back.

He wondered at how boring life had become these days. Here was a former River Boy, lying on the floor playing toy cars with his son, and his biggest concern of the day was stopping his girlfriend from making too much pasta for dinner. Was this it?! Was this going to be his life from now on?! They lived a very different lifestyle now because of Casey, and it was taking some getting used to. They stayed in pretty much every night now, because finding trustworthy babysitters was harder than he’d ever imagined. Their love life was certainly suffering as a result. They rarely got to have sex anymore because Casey took their attention all the time. He missed the old Ricky too. The pre-mummy Ricky had been a lot more fun. While he absolutely loved his little boy, and wouldn’t have changed him for the world, part of him would have liked to go back to how things were before he arrived.

Suddenly the doorbell went. “I’ll get it!” he shouted, jumping up from the floor, “Were you expecting someone?”

“No, no-one” she answered, looking a little worried. They rarely got unannounced visitors these days. When they did, it was usually the cops, but Brax had been keeping his nose clean for quite some time now. They’d lost interest a good few months ago and accepted that Brax had gone straight. For them to turn up now was a little worrying. She wondered if it could be something to do with Smithy. Maybe it was her they were looking for this time, and not Brax?!

“Yeah?” asked Brax, speaking into the intercom handset and furrowing his brow a little. He obviously shared her concerns. His eyes shot across the room to her and he grimaced a little when he heard who it was. “Uh… yeah… you’d better come up” he said, pressing the buzzer for them to open the door downstairs.

“It’s the Feds” he said to her when he replaced the handset, “They want to talk about Josh”

 

*****

 

Josh limped along the metal walkway of the corridor that was to be his new home. He was still dragging his foot on his left-hand side, and guarding his ribs a little, so having his hands cuffed behind his back certainly wasn't making walking that easy. Smithy had a tight grip of his arm though, and was clearly getting annoyed at him for moving too slowly. He kept shoving him along every time he slowed down. It was night time and all the prisoners were already locked in for the night. That's when they often did cell transfers, early in the morning or late at night, for easier control. He was trembling a little out of fear but desperately trying not to show it. He didn't know which cell he was going to or who was waiting on the other side of the metal door. Smithy hadn't seen fit to give him that information. "You'll find out soon enough!" he'd said with a cruel glint in his eye and a little smirk, "You two boys are gonna have a lot of fun getting to know each other!" He'd given him a creepy little wink and left him then. Left him to stew, with fears of rapists even more scary than Alexei racing through his mind all night. He hadn't slept a wink and he'd been a bundle of nerves all day. He knew that the Feds were supposed to have sorted things out for him, but he wouldn't have put it past Smithy to 'accidentally' mess up just for tonight. They'd get him moved tomorrow of course. He had no doubt about that. But if it really was some sicko on the other side of that door, then there were some 'mistakes' that just couldn't be undone. He knew that all too well.  'Again' he thought to himself, unconsciously tensing all his muscles, 'I can't take this... I can't have it happen again!' He'd left a message for Keith, panicking about what Smithy had in store for him, but he hadn't got a reply yet. Not before they'd come to transport him anyway. So here he was, trudging towards another night of hell, in all probability. He glanced behind him at Smithy, but he simply gave him a shove forward, and told him to stop 'eyeballing him'. 'Why does he have it in for me?!' he asked himself, 'I mean, he got that money from Kyle, didn't he?! It was a lot of money! Doesn't that mean anything to him?!'

Suddenly they stopped outside a cell and Smithy gave him a cruel little smile. He was clearly taking his time. Enjoying watching him shake, and stare in fear at the door in front of him. "Home, sweet home!" he announced, with a sadistic laugh, "You're gonna love it here!"

With that, Smithy opened the door and gave him a shove forward into the cell. He stumbled in and looked at his new cellmate in shock. “What the?” he asked, turning to look at Smithy again in surprise. Surely, he'd made a mistake?! Was this one of those moments, like on a gameshow where they show you 'what you could have won', only to have them rip it out from under you?! Was this a trick?! The Feds had told him he was being transferred to Kyle’s cell but he’d been sure that Smithy was going to do something to sabotage it. He hadn’t expected this!

"Well, isn't this sweet?!" sneered Smithy, "I hear you two boys are queer for each other?!"

Kyle was sitting on the top bunk with his mouth hanging open in shock. He clearly hadn’t been expecting him either.

"Or maybe it's just your boyfriend here?" asked Smithy, turning him round by force and nodding for him to look up at Kyle. "Seems he's had his eye on this tight little ass of yours for some time!" he giggled, taking the opportunity to give his buttock a squeeze. Josh squirmed to try and get away from him but an arm went around his neck and pulled him in tight against his chest. "Mmm mmm!" he moaned in his ear, the way you would if you'd eaten a particularly nice mouthful of cake, "I wouldn't mind a bit of it either!”

"Get the **** off me!" growled Josh, wriggling to get away from him, “Get off!” Smithy wouldn’t loosen his hold of him and he was choking him slightly. With his hands cuffed behind his back there was little that he could do.

“Oh, come on now sweetheart!” he laughed at him, “Don’t get your knickers in a twist!”

Kyle was peering down at the scene unfolding in front of him in pure disgust. Josh looked so miserable. So small and beaten down and vulnerable! He'd heard rumours about Smithy, of course, but he hadn't expected him to be quite so brazen about it.

“Look at him!” teased Smithy, gripping his face with his free hand and forcing him to look up at Kyle, “Look at him… Your little mate up there on that bunk… Yeah, that’s right… I’m nearly certain he’s giving you the glad eye!”

Kyle gave an angry snort and shook his head but he didn’t say anything. He’d learnt a long time ago not to talk back to the guards, especially one like Smithy. He really didn’t want to spend any more time in solitary confinement if he could avoid it. That last stint had nearly done for him. Aaron was sitting beside him, squeezing his hand, and warning him silently to keep his mouth shut.

“What do you want from me?!” wheezed Josh, turning his head as best he could to look at Smithy’s grinning face, “What the **** do you want?!” He couldn’t stand the feel of this man’s body squeezed up against his. It was making him panicked and queasy!

“Well… That depends, really, doesn’t it? …What have you got to offer?” asked Smithy, “Seems to me, if you haven’t got any money… and you keep telling me that you don’t… then you’re gonna have to find some other way of settling your debts…” He pulled him in even closer and whispered in his ear. “Aren’t you?!”

“What debts?!” coughed Josh, as he tried to pull away from him again, “I don’t owe you anything!”

“Oh, honey!” sighed Smithy, sniffing in his scent slowly from the back of his neck, as though he was the sweetest smelling thing he’d ever smelt. “Price for this cell went up since the riot…” he said with a smirk, “There’s a lot of eyes on me now... The warden asking questions, papers to fill in… a lot of red tape… If you wanna stay here with your pretty little boyfriend here, then we’re gonna have to figure something out… Aren’t we, sweetheart?”

“**** you!” growled Josh, bucking violently to try to get out of his stranglehold.

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say!” laughed Smithy, as he tightened his hold around his throat, “I think I’d be willing to accept that as payment!”

Josh gave a sudden lurch, drawing his head back quickly in an attempt to headbutt him, but he reacted quickly and dodged him. They struggled for a moment, with Josh grunting and growling, and trying with all his might to get away from him. He managed to pull away, and spun around to face him, but Smithy gave him a couple of swift digs in his injured ribs. He cried out in pain and collapsed coughing and spluttering to his knees on the floor. Smithy drew back as though he was going to kick him in the stomach.

“Stop!” shouted Kyle, getting ready to jump down and defend him.

Smithy stopped his foot at the last moment and looked up at Kyle with a grin. “If you say so” he said with a little shrug. Josh stared up at him in fear, still breathing heavily, and wheezing a little. He’d been sure he was going to do it!

“Come on, mate. Give him a break!” pleaded Kyle, “Look at the state he’s in!”

“Well, isn’t that sweet?!” sneered Smithy, “Lover boy sticking up for you?!”

Josh looked up and made eye contact with Kyle. He could see that he was seconds away from snapping. The anger on his face was pretty apparent. There was a redness sneaking up his neck and his nostrils were flaring. It was fairly obvious that he wanted to hit Smithy. Not just hit him, but kill him! ‘Don’t’ he tried to tell him telepathically, ‘I need this to happen this way… I don’t need you interfering!’

“Now, are you gonna play nice?” asked Smithy, as he grabbed Josh by the hair and dragged his head back to look up at him. “You gonna behave yourself?” he asked, clamping his other hand across his mouth.

“Mmm” moaned Josh, nodding his head at him.

“That’s better!” he laughed, grinning down at him.

“How much?” asked Kyle, interjecting, “How much money do you want?”

Josh glared up at him. He didn’t want him doing this! He tried to tell him with his eyes to shut up, and protested in a muffled way. This wasn’t part of the plan!

“Oh dear!” laughed Smithy, pulling on Josh’s hair again to get his attention, “Looks like your little boyfriend doesn’t want to share you!”

“How much do you want?” repeated Kyle through gritted teeth. It was taking everything he had not to jump down and flatten this guy. He wanted to do it so badly! The only reason that he hadn’t was because Aaron was holding him back. ‘You’ll get yourself thrown in the hole again’ he’d said, ‘Don’t do it!’

“I can’t blame you, Braxton!” teased Smithy, “He’s a sweet little thing, isn’t he? Only one… well… One not so careful owner!” He began to laugh again. It was pretty clear that he thought himself highly amusing.

“How much?!” growled Kyle, glancing sideways at Aaron. He knew that he didn’t have the money but he figured that an empty promise might at least buy them some time until they could figure things out. Aaron gave him a gentle little smile and squeezed his hand again.

Josh glanced up at Kyle. He couldn't help feeling humiliated. Here he was, handcuffed and vulnerable, and once again he was being treated like a piece of meat. He'd been bought once before and things certainly hadn't gone well for him. Kyle had basically bought him for a second time. He was Kyle's property now. Him and his 'tight little ass' as Smithy had so eloquently put it! Now Kyle was offering to pay even more just to keep him. Why was he doing this, he began to wonder? Did Kyle have designs on him like Smithy had said?! Were his motives less than honourable?! He hoped that he was just being paranoid, but the thought of it was making him sweat.

“See, pretty boy?!” giggled Smithy, “Lover boy here’s just been dying to get his hands on you... Paid top dollar for you too! Gonna pay again from the sounds of it!"

“Come on, Smithy?!” sighed Kyle, “How much do you want?”

“He’s an impatient bloke, your mate, isn’t he?!” laughed Smithy, before looking up at Kyle, “But uh… I reckon another 10’ll do it.”

Josh shook his head at Kyle. This wasn’t part of the plan. This wasn’t part of the plan!

“And that’ll be the end of it?” asked Kyle, “You won’t be back in here, throwing your weight around, and looking for even more?”

“That’ll be it” said Smithy, with a little wink, “You and this sweet little fish… all snuggled up together… Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

“How do I know you’ll keep your word?” asked Kyle, knowing that the chances of that happening were between slim and none.

“You’ll just have to trust me” he replied, with a flash of the least trustworthy smile ever. “Smithy’s word is his bond.” he stated.

“Okay” said Kyle, with a curt little nod, “Leave it with me… I’ll need a little time though.”

“Looks like you’ve got yourself a protector!” said Smithy, dragging Josh up onto his feet a little roughly by his hair. “I’ll leave you two boys to catch up then, shall I?” he asked, before uncuffing his wrists and shoving him forward towards the bunkbeds.

“After this…” said Kyle, “There won’t be any more money… Just so you know”

“Get me the money” said Smithy, standing in the doorway, “And we won’t have any problems.” With that, he closed the door and disappeared whistling down the hallway.

Kyle and Aaron exchanged worried glances as Josh stood staring at the floor and massaged his bruised wrists. He was clearly avoiding eye contact.  ‘Is he okay?’ asked Aaron, looking down at him in a concerned way, ‘He didn’t hurt him, did he? I mean, really hurt him?’ Kyle gave a little shrug and turned to look down at him too.

“Mate, are you hurt?” he asked him.

Josh shook his head. He didn’t have the energy to explain things to Kyle tonight. He was bruised and sore, and dealing with Smithy had taken a lot more out of him than he’d thought it would. He was still shaking, and his stomach was one giant knot. He felt like throwing up.

“Josh?” asked Kyle, “Are you okay, mate?”

“I’m fine!” he snapped, moving over to the wall opposite the bed and leaning his back against it. He stood for a moment breathing heavily and staring at his feet.

“Josh, we’ll figure out a way of getting him off our backs.” said Kyle, “I’m not gonna let him hurt you.”

Josh gave a little snort and began to laugh a little. ‘If only he knew what was really going on’ he thought to himself. Of course, Kyle might have just complicated matters for him without meaning to. On the other hand, he thought to himself, maybe this could work out even better?! He was beginning to form a new plan but he needed to talk things through with Keith and see what he thought. He just hoped that he would get his message and contact him in the morning.

“I’ve been worried about you” ventured Kyle, “I knew they’d taken you to the hospital… They said you were recovering.”

“Yeah, I’m getting there” he mumbled, as he ran his hand gently over his ribs to check the damage. There was a renewed tenderness. New bruises on top of old ones!

“You didn’t look too good…” continued Kyle, “…the last time I saw you.” His voice caught a little and he glanced sideways at Aaron. It was still hard to talk about that day. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t make it…” he mumbled, “You were out of it for hours …You weren’t awake when… when… when it happened…”

Josh looked up at him and tilted his head in a sympathetic way. He could hear the hurt in his voice and see the tears threatening to come. “I heard about Aaron” he said gently, “I… I… don’t remember a lot… but… I’m just so sorry, Kyle.”

Kyle bit his bottom lip and began to blink fast to stop his tears. “He shouldn’t have had to die that way… Not like that.”  He sighed when Aaron began to softly rub his leg with his thumb. He missed that.

“No, he shouldn’t” said Josh, with a sad little nod as he looked down at the floor again, “He was a good person…He didn’t deserve that.” He didn’t know what else to say. Was there really anything to say?!

Kyle watched him as he stood there lost in his own thoughts. He couldn’t help thinking of what he’d looked like the last time that he’d seen him. He’d been deathly pale, and sweating profusely, and he’d looked like he wasn’t long for this world. Obviously, Aaron had taken most of his focus, so he couldn’t have said what was actually wrong with Josh, but he’d been slipping in and out of consciousness for hours while they’d been locked in that cell. He was amazed to see him back on his feet and so well healed. But he did look tired. Very thin, and very tired! He couldn’t help feeling concerned for him.

“Mate, it’s getting really late” said Kyle, after what felt like an eternity. Neither of them had spoken for quite some time. “Maybe we should get some sleep?” he suggested, mainly because Josh looked dead on his feet. “We can have a talk in the morning.” he offered.

Josh nodded and hugged his arms around his chest. It was true. He was exhausted… He kicked his shoes off and climbed directly into bed without taking his clothes off. He was just too tired and sore to bother. “Night” he said, clamping his eyes shut and letting out a big breath slowly to try to calm himself.

“Night, Josh” said Kyle, with a little sigh. It was still taking him a while to get used to sleeping in the bed again and not on the floor. Having a new cellmate was going to take him some time to get used to too, even if it was Josh.

Josh lay on his right-hand side, so his back was against the wall, and told himself to go to sleep. His heart was thumping though, and he couldn’t make it slow. He had too many bad memories of staring up at the underside of the bed above. There’d been times when he’d wished that he could be anywhere other than there… times when he’d wished to not exist at all. Sleeping on the bottom bunk was like being in a cage within a cage. Like being trapped! He wanted to sleep on the floor… but how could he explain that to Kyle?!

 

 

[Ludub]

Thanks again everyone for the kind feedback. Hope you enjoy this one!

WARNING: VERY ADULT THEMES!!!

 

Chapter 26

 

“I can’t sleep!” groaned Ricky, as she rolled over in the bed and rested her head on Brax’s shoulder, “Are you sleeping?”

“I was” mumbled Brax, as he put his arm around her and pulled her in close. “You thinking about earlier?” he yawned.

“Yeah… I just can’t stop my mind whirring” she said, “We aren’t really gonna do this, are we?”

“We aren’t going to do anything” said Brax, talking with his eyes closed and sounding very sleepy, “If anyone’s doing this, it’s just gonna be me… I’m not letting you take any more risks.”

Ricky gave a little snort and poked him in the side quite hard. “Brax, we’re not starting this again!”

“Oi!” he exclaimed, squirming away from her quickly and turning to look at her. “I’m serious, Ric!” he said, now fully awake, “I’m not letting you get mixed up in this stuff again… There’s a reason why they came to talk to me…”

“They came to talk to us” she replied, “To us, not to you.”

“No, Ric… They came to talk to me… They came because I’m Daryl Braxton… because I’m a River Boy” He pulled himself up into a sitting position and turned on the light on the bedside table. “They came because they know my history…” he sighed, “They might never have caught me, but they know…”

She rolled her eyes at him in a frustrated sort of way. Of course, he was right. They’d come to talk to him because of his chequered past, and because it was something that they could now use to their advantage. They needed him. “I don’t think I like this” she said, frowning in a worried way, “I mean… Do you trust them? …Are you sure this isn’t a trap?”

“I don’t know” he admitted. He hadn’t liked either of the agents that had come to speak to him. On the other hand, with only one notable exception, he hadn’t met many cops that he’d ever actually liked. “I don’t know if I really have a choice.” he added, “They kinda have me over a barrel”

“You could just say no” she said, “I mean… Is it even legal what they’re doing? …Isn’t it basically blackmail?”

“They’re the Feds” he sighed, as he ran his fingers through his hair, “They can do what they want.”

“Shouldn’t we talk to your lawyer?” she asked.

“And say what?” he shrugged, “That the Feds want me to help them… and in return they won’t bring fresh charges? They won’t reopen the case against me? They won’t put me back in prison for assault and battery, faking my own death, and evading arrest?” He gave a little laugh and shook his head. “I think he’d say that that was a pretty good deal.”

 

*****

 

Josh woke with a start as he felt the bed shift under him, and froze instinctively as someone weighed down the outside edge of the mattress with their knee. A warm naked body climbed on top of his own, straddling him at first and then lying lengthwise on top of him.  He could tell by the feel and the massive crushing weight of their body that it was a man. He could feel their excitement from the trembling of their body against his own flesh and the hardness of their groin digging into his lower back.  He wanted nothing more than to jump up and knock them to the floor. He wanted to kill them! But for some reason he couldn't move. He could feel them, running their hands over his naked skin. Their rough fingers creeping around his body. He could feel the heat of their breath on the back of his neck and hear their heavy breathing in his ear. He could feel their every movement, but he couldn't move a muscle himself. At least not voluntarily. He was trembling with fear. His heart thudded in his chest like a jackhammer as a wave of panic overtook him, and he realised that he'd simply stopped breathing. He was literally holding his breath and waiting for the inevitable.

"Josh!" shouted Kyle, now crouched beside him on the floor, "Josh, Josh! Wake up!" It was clear for anyone to see that he was having a very bad nightmare.

The room was black. Pitch black, like when he'd been blind. He wanted to turn his head to see who it was but his muscles wouldn't work! He tried to open his mouth to shout, to scream, to tell them to stop, but it felt like his mouth was glued shut. His tongue felt thick and heavy, and tingled with pins and needles. Nothing was working. Then it came, sudden and fast, and without warning! 

“Josh, c’mon mate!” pleaded Kyle, as he shook him by the shoulder, “Wake up! You’re scaring me now!” Josh had been crying in his sleep and his pained moans had eventually woken him. He’d found him sprawled face down on the floor and tangled in his bedsheets. Some time during the night he must have dragged his blankets onto the floor to sleep there instead. He looked such a pitiful sight, as he cowered there with his eyes clamped shut, and his face screwed up in an ugly grimace. "Nooooooo!" he screamed, crying out in an anguished and pain-filled way, "No, pleeeee-hease... Sto-op!"

Suddenly the door burst open and he heard footsteps rapidly approaching. He still couldn’t see. He still couldn’t move. All he could do was lie there with another man grunting and groaning on top of him… And now there was someone else! Someone else to see his shame. They’d see what was happening! They’d know! The humiliation was more than he thought he could take... He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. He wanted to disappear! The body above him was suddenly dragged away and, although he was relieved, he was left shivering and exposed on the bed. He heard the two men shouting at each other but nothing made sense. Both of them were speaking a garbled nonsense, like a language that he didn’t understand. He didn’t know what they were saying, but they were roaring at each other at the top of their voices, and it was all getting very heated! He wondered if the new man wanted a turn. Was that he was here for?! Was that why they were fighting?! He was listening so hard. Trying desperately to decipher the words, but the more he tried, the more muffled it all seemed… He was terrified!

"Josh!" shouted Kyle, quite shocked to see him reduced to such a state. He didn't know exactly what he was dreaming about but he thought that he could probably give it a good guess. His moans were those of someone in pain, like an animal caught in a trap. "Josh!" he called, giving his shoulder another violent shake, "Josh!" He was looking at him now, in a vacant sort of way, but he just wasn’t waking up!

The voices became ever more raised, as the two men growled at each other, and then he heard what seemed to be a scuffle. He couldn’t be sure, but from the grunts and the growls, and the sounds of feet scuffing on the floor, he was pretty sure that the two men had started to physically fight. He could even hear the smacking sounds of punches being exchanged. He shuddered to think that these two men were fighting over him like a piece of meat. He had no say in the matter. No say in what they did to him.

His body gave a sudden jump when he heard a loud bang and then something heavy fall to the floor. It was an all too familiar sound, that gunshot, and it echoed around the cell. Had someone been shot?! What on earth was going on?! His heart was beating so fast now that he thought it might explode. Who was this new man with the gun?! Was he going to shoot him too?!

“Josh?” said a voice right beside his ear, and he felt a blanket being pulled over his lower body, “Josh, it’s me… Are you okay?”

‘Oh, my God! It’s Andy!’ he thought to himself, as he lay there paralysed, ‘Oh, God… and he saw! He saw! …Oh, God! I want to die!’ He began to sob inwardly. Andy was the one person that he had never wanted to know about this! The one person that mattered who hadn’t known what he’d become! He was so ashamed!

“Joshie” whispered Andy, using his childhood name as he stroked his back softly, “Joshie, talk to me… Are you okay?”

He could feel himself shuddering as he cried on the inside. He didn't want Andy to see him like this. Not like this! He wondered if it was possible to be any more pathetic?!

"Joshie" repeated Andy, in that soft way that he'd only ever used with him when he was little, and more recently when he'd been in the hospital, "Joshie, it's gonna be okay. I'm here now... It's gonna be okay..." He felt him gently stroke the hair out of his face as he lay there frozen on the bed. He still couldn't see. "Mate, come here!" said Andy, in a soft and coaxing way like calling a puppy, "Come here…"

With that, he felt himself being lifted. Andy's strong arms, raising his head and shoulders off the mattress, and then resting his head sideways on his thigh. Andy was sitting on the bed now, with his back against the wall, and he was cradling him in his arms. A hand began to softly stroke his hair and another held his shoulder in a comforting sort of way. He still couldn't move and that terrified him, but right now he was safe in his big brother's arms, and that was all that really mattered. He hadn't realised how much he'd needed him until this moment. He felt a tear slowly roll down his cheek and he couldn't stop a little whimper escaping his lips. He wanted to cry. To really let go and cry! This was the first time that he'd felt safe in months.

"Josh?" said Kyle, gazing down at his friend as he held him in his arms, "It's okay, I'm here". Josh's eyes were open now and he was crying softly but he didn’t seem to really be awake. It was like he was sleepwalking. Was it possible to ‘sleep-cry’, wondered Kyle. "Josh, can you look at me?" he asked, giving his shoulder another little shake, “C’mon, Josh, you’re freaking me out now!” Josh’s eyes were darting all around the room like something hunted but he didn’t seem to be seeing anything. He was in another world. Still, he'd calmed down significantly since he'd started holding him. His breathing had calmed a little and he seemed to be shaking a little less. He softly stroked his hair and rocked him gently back and forth, sitting behind him, and holding him against his chest. He'd held Aaron this way when he'd been dying. Held him until his heart had stopped beating, and then for hours afterwards. He'd held him while his body had grown cold and started to stiffen. He'd held him. He might not have stopped holding him if they hadn't made him. As he watched Josh, fitfully sleeping in his arms, part of him wanted to let him sleep. It was nice to feel this close to someone again. To hold a warm and breathing body this close again and to feel like he had someone to protect. He'd felt an emptiness since Aaron had been gone, even if in some ways he wasn't completely gone. He needed someone to care about.

Suddenly, with a loud gasp, Josh was awake, with mad staring eyes, and he scrambled kicking and flailing across the room. He pulled his knees painfully up to his chest, making himself into a small ball, and stared at Kyle in fear.

"Josh... mate, it was just a dream" said Kyle as he began to move towards him, "You're okay... You're safe"

"Stay away from me!" snapped Josh, looking at him in a very accusing way "What the **** were you doing?! Why were you touching me?!" In his dream he’d been naked, so he was particularly shocked to find himself cradled in Kyle’s arms, and not Andy’s. Smithy’s words were still echoing in his head too, so it was hard not to leap to conclusions. What if Kyle was a rapist too?! Was that why he’d been having that dream?!

"You were crying" said Kyle, as he knelt on the floor among Josh's blankets, "I just wanted to... I wanted to check you were okay."

“Why were you touching me?!” he demanded again, clutching at his chest with one hand. His heart was beating much too fast.

"Josh... I… I wasn't...” stammered Kyle, “I wouldn't!"  He could see the fearful and accusatory look in his eye and he couldn’t help feeling offended. As though he would ever do anything like that! He tilted his head at him in pity and gave a little sigh. "I was just trying to help."

"I don't need your help!" snapped Josh, as he wiped at tear-filled eyes, "I just need you to stay away from me." He started fidgeting with his clothes as though he was making sure that they hadn't been tampered with. He was still wearing the tracksuit that they'd brought him back from the hospital in, although now it was completely soaked in sweat.

"Josh! Come on?" pleaded Kyle. He could see from the way that he was inspecting his clothes for signs of foul-play that he had his suspicions. "You know me..." he said, holding his hands up in a pleading sort of way, "We know each other... You know I'm not gonna do anything to hurt you... I mean, we lived together before, didn't we?!"

"You weren't gay then!" snapped Josh, "Who knows what you'd do now?!"

"For **** sake, Josh! I'm gay! I'm not a rapist!" said Kyle, looking noticeably wounded, "Is that what you really think of me?!”

Josh shrugged and clenched his jaw in reply.

“Well, I’m not!” said Kyle, shaking his head in a despairing way. He looked up at the bunk where Aaron was sitting and blew out a long slow breath. He was angry and hurt, but he told himself to keep it together. "I loved... him..." he said, looking back at Josh. He couldn’t bring himself to say Aaron’s name out loud. "I didn't choose to fall in love with him...” he said, “It just happened... You can't control who you fall in love with... It just..."

"Happened?!” sneered Josh, “...Yeah, you said!" He wanted to hurt him... In this moment, he needed to hurt someone else, even if it was Kyle.  He shook his head at him. “How does a straight man just become gay?!” he asked, “I mean… something like that doesn’t just happen!”

“Yeah… well, it did” sighed Kyle, with a little shrug, “It was a surprise… but I’m not ashamed of it… He helped me, he gave me a reason to live… He was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Josh let out a snort of disgust. He couldn’t get the feel and smell of Alexei’s body out of his mind, and the thought of letting a man do that to him again just turned his stomach. More than that, it filled him with fear and self-loathing! He couldn’t understand why someone would choose to do that. Why they would allow someone to do that to them?! “And you… you two…” he stammered, “You actually slept together?! …You had sex?!”

“That’s none of your business” said Kyle, furrowing his brow a little and glancing up at Aaron.

“Be nice” whispered Aaron, as he smiled down at the two of them, “It’s not his fault!” Aaron had always been a calm and steady sort, and he knew that he would have told him to try to look at it from Josh’s point of view. A rape victim couldn’t be expected to understand what a loving consensual relationship was like. All he knew was pain.

“Look, Josh..." he sighed, as he looked back at him, "I don’t know what you think has happened since I’ve been in here, but... I mean… I'm still me… I’m still Kyle Braxton… Being gay doesn’t change that… I’m still that guy you ate your cornflakes with in the morning in Summer Bay… I haven't turned into some kind of predator or something... I am still the same guy!"

Josh ran his hand through his hair and let out a heavy sigh. He knew that he was being unfair. Kyle didn’t deserve this! "Sorry" he said, a little begrudgingly.

"Look, Josh..." said Kyle, starting to move towards him again.

"Don't!" gasped Josh, jumping involuntarily. His whole body felt wound tight. He would have jumped at the smallest noise.

"Okay", sighed Kyle, holding his hands up, "I'm not moving... We'll just sit here."

"Sorry!" blurted Josh, as he pulled his knees in tighter to his chest and started to cry again. His ribs and stomach hurt a lot in this position but he needed to feel protected in some way. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” he sighed. He wiped angrily at his eyes with the heels of his hands. He was frustrated at his own weakness. This crying. This childish weeping. This jumping at any little thing. When had he become this cringing little coward?! Where was the confident young man that he'd once been?! Was there anything left of him or had that person simply been beaten out of him?! Was this all that was left, this hollowed out and pitiful shell?!

"It's okay, Josh" said Kyle, "You don't have anything to be sorry for"

"I shouldn't have said that… about you being gay…" he apologised, grimacing a little as another wave of tears hit, "I didn't mean it"

"I know" replied Kyle, "It's okay…"

“It’s not” said Josh, flushing a little red, “I know you’re not… I know you wouldn’t…”

“It’s okay” insisted Kyle, “Don’t worry about it.”

They sat in silence for a little while and Josh eventually stopped crying. “Sorry” he said, with an embarrassed little smile, “I’m just… I’m a mess”

“It’s okay” said Kyle, shaking his head at him. After a moment, he tentatively moved towards him again, crawling slowly on his hands and knees, and came to sit beside him with his back against the wall. “Josh?” he said, glancing sideways at him, “I think you need to talk to someone.”

“I did” sighed Josh, “I told the doctor at the hospital… and the Welfare Officer.”

“Okay?” said Kyle, looking a little surprised. He hadn’t expected this! He’d expected him to tell him he didn’t want to talk about it, and to let the matter drop. This was a big step forward for him! “And?…” he asked,  “…Are they… are they gonna try to help?”

Josh nodded his head slowly at Kyle and let out a big breath through his nose. “That’s the thing…” he said, dragging his fingers through his hair again, “I just don’t… I don’t know if it’s even worth it.”

Kyle furrowed his brow at him. He wasn’t sure that he followed what he was saying.

“Even if I get out of here…” he said, tapping the side of his head and giving a sad little laugh, “He’s gonna be in here with me… He’s always going to be in here...”

“Who?” asked Kyle, looking increasingly worried, “Who are you talking about?!”

“Cuddles” muttered Josh, “I’m never gonna be free of him… Even if I do what they want me to do… and everything goes to plan… I’m never gonna be free of him… He’s always going to be here in my head, in my dreams… He’s there every time I close my eyes…” He made a grimace as though he was close to throwing up. “I can still feel him…”

Kyle nodded in a sympathetic sort of way. He couldn’t pretend to understand what Josh was going through but he’d seen how badly all of this was affecting him. He was clearly deeply traumatised. They sat in silence for a few moments, but then he turned towards him with a look of renewed interest. “What do you mean?” he asked, “’If everything goes to plan’?”

 

*****

 

“Josh, you need to eat” said Kyle, as he followed him out of the mess hall, “You don’t look well… When was the last time you ate a full meal?”

“I’m not hungry” said Josh, as he scraped his uneaten breakfast into the bin near the door. He’d barely touched it. He glanced around him nervously at the other prisoners and the guards positioned around the room. The mess hall had been full of whispers today and he’d drawn quite a bit of attention. Kwon hadn’t been lying when he’d said that he’d earned himself a reputation! Everyone seemed to think that he was responsible for the riot in some way. Word had gotten around about Alexei. That seemed to have earned him a little respect at least. A few of the white supremacists had turned to look at him when he’d walked in, and he’d caught the attention of what remained of the Russian mafia too. They’d all started talking about him, and he’d sat there at the table with Kyle, wondering if any of them were going to approach him. They hadn’t, but it had certainly kept him on edge. Dimitri had given him a shy little wave from his table with the other Russians, but he’d seemed a bit too nervous to get up and come over. Kwon had thrown him a little wink from across the room too but he’d simply nodded in reply. The guy had been pretty friendly in the hospital, coming and talking his ear off, but he’d never been quite sure how to take him. He’d never been entirely sure whether he was friend or foe. The atmosphere in the mess hall was obviously very tense. It was clear that control of the prison was still up for grabs. No one group had asserted themselves yet, so there was an uneasy peace for the time being. All he wanted was to get out of there as soon as possible and back to the safety of the cell. He wasn’t ready for this today!

“C’mon mate” pleaded Kyle, “You can’t starve yourself!”

“I’m not” said Josh, sounding a little irritated, “I’m just not hungry.” They walked out into the hallway and headed back towards their cell. They had an hour to kill before they had to be at their work details.

“I have some potato chips back in the cell” offered Kyle, “I have some chocolate too… You can have it.”

“I’m fine” said Josh, making his way along the corridor with Kyle trailing behind him, “Just drop it, will you?!”

“I’m just worried about you!” argued Kyle, “If we’re gonna do this thing… You need to eat!”  He’d seen him with his clothes off in the showers this morning and he’d been shocked to see how thin he was. The baggy prison clothes hid it well but he’d lost an enormous amount of weight and was basically just skin and bones!

“When did you become my mother?!” snapped Josh, “I’m not hungry, and what I eat or don’t eat is none of your business!”

“Okay, Josh” sighed Kyle, as they got to their cell and he watched him sit down cross legged on the floor. “You don’t need to bite my head off!” He reached under the bed for the metal box he kept his stuff in and pulled out the chocolate bar he’d been talking about. “Here” he said, throwing it into Josh’s lap, “Eat it, don’t eat it… I don’t care.”

Josh looked up at him and rolled his eyes. “I have enough on my mind without you nagging me about food” he said, picking the chocolate bar up and setting it on the bed. He pulled in a frustrated way at the hair at the back of his head and gave a loud sigh. “I’m scared, Kyle… I wish I wasn’t, but I am.”

“I know” said Kyle, sitting down on the lower bunk beside him. He reached out and gave his shoulder a little squeeze. “It’ll be okay” he said, with a nervous little half-smile. He wasn’t sure that he believed that himself, but what else was he meant to say?!  “We’ll figure it out” he said, including himself in the plans now.

“Thanks” said Josh, turning to give him a tired little smile.

“C’mon?” coaxed Kyle, picking up the chocolate bar and waving it in front of him, “I’ll even share it with you, if you want?”

“Well, isn’t this cosy?!” came a voice from the doorway, “Sharing a chocolate bar like a couple of little love bugs?!” Smithy grinned from ear to ear and gave Josh a creepy little wink. “Well princess?” he asked, kicking him in the ankle, “You ready?”

Josh winced a little and looked up at him in a confused way. “Ready?” he repeated, “Ready for what?”

“Welfare Officer wants to see you” he said, nodding for him to get up, “That Keith is one of the most boring people I’ve ever met…” he said, as he dragged Josh’s hands behind his back and handcuffed them. “I mean, maybe he could brighten himself up a bit?” he chuckled, trotting out an old and very familiar joke, “…He could start wearing a lot more grey?!”

[Ludub]

Thanks Suzza! Glad you enjoyed it!  Kyle's a good egg, isn't he?

 

Here's the new chapter. Hope you all like it! 

WARNING: VERY ADULT THEMES!!!

 

Chapter 27

 

Smithy jumped a little, and busily rolled up his newspaper, as the door to the Welfare Officer's room suddenly opened. He frowned a little. That Barrett kid had only been in there for about twenty minutes, even though he was scheduled for a full hour, and he hadn’t even had time to get to the sports pages yet! This was his time to doss about and do nothing, and maybe even schmooze the young office clerk a little when no-one was looking, but it seemed like he was going to have to take the kid back to his work detail a lot sooner than planned. He wasn’t pleased. The little prick was gonna pay for this later!

"Josh, wait!" he heard Keith shout, as he followed him across his office, "Can we at least talk about this?! ...Be reasonable!"

‘What’s this?!’ thought Smithy, ‘I thought this guy was one of those bleeding heart liberals?! All cosy chats and cups of tea?’

"There's nothing more to talk about!" he heard the kid snarl. He was standing near the doorway now with his back to him. "I don't care what you think of them!” he continued, “Those people are my friends!"

"Josh, I'm just trying to advise you" pleaded Keith. He watched as he caught him by the arm and turned him to face him. "Surely you can see that?!" he said, pulling him back towards his desk.

Smithy watched from the door as Josh reluctantly took a seat again and folded his arms in an angry and petulant way. Maybe the kid had more spirit than he’d given him credit for?! It was true that he’d drugged Alexei, but it was clear that he’d been put up to that. He’d thought him a pathetic little weakling. He’d seemed so broken, so deliciously fragile, so frightened… but maybe he still had a little fight in him? Maybe he’d have a bit of fun taking what he wanted? He’d enjoy breaking him even more now.

He smiled to himself a little when he realised that they'd forgotten to close the door. Stupid, really. These sessions with the Welfare Officer were supposed to be confidential. He was never allowed in the room and he certainly wasn’t allowed to listen in. He was never one to waste an opportunity though, so he pulled it almost closed, and left just enough of a gap so that he could still hear. He didn’t want to miss a word!

"All I'm trying to say is..." continued Keith, "Maybe you shouldn't be associating with those type of people if you ever want to get out of here some day?”

"People like what?!" he heard Josh demand.

He couldn’t help glancing through the window in the door to see what was going on. Everything about the kid’s body language said that he was on the defensive. He had his arms pulled across his chest and he was leaning back in his chair. This was not a friendly exchange. ‘What’s the kid got his knickers in a twist about now?!’ he wondered to himself, ‘Who are these people they’re on about?’

He could see Keith shaking his head at the kid across the table from him. He had that goody two shoes ‘I just want the best for you’ expression on his face. This guy really got on his nerves! How could anyone be this sickeningly sincere all the time?! How could he spout this ‘self-help’ rubbish all day long and not make himself sick?! Telling inmates, the very detritus of human society, that all they had to do was get their HSC and they’d somehow become a model citizen again?! Surely, he knew deep down that it was total bull?! Surely, he couldn’t really believe this crap?!

“All I’m saying is...” continued Keith, “You have to think about the impression you’re giving off… It won't look good to the parole board if they see that you're still hanging around people like that..."

"What kind of people?!” snapped Josh, “What?! ... Restaurant owners?! Gym owners?! Photographers?! …What?!"

He could see the kid’s little face all flushed bright red, so full of anger and indignation. He loved to see him all wound up like this. It always made him laugh.

"Josh!" said Keith, giving him a scathing look and raising his eyebrows in a scolding sort of way, "I think we both know what sort of people the Braxtons are... Restaurant and gym owners don't have the police on their doorstep every five minutes... Not unless they're doing something they shouldn't be!"

‘Well, today just got a lot more interesting!’ he thought to himself, ‘So, Braxton’s family are people to know, are they?!’

He watched as the kid flushed a brighter shade of red and looked down at the floor. "They're the closest thing I have to family...At least on the outside…" he heard him say, "How am I supposed to just walk away from them?! …I don’t see anyone else banging down the doors to see me ...Besides, they're not mixed up in that stuff anymore!"

"I think the Federal Police would beg to differ!" said Keith, patting a brown file on his table, “They’re still on the radar… This mate of yours that you call ‘Brax’? …He’s still what they call a ‘person of interest’.

‘A ‘person of interest’?!’ he thought to himself, ‘Well, that’s certainly …interesting!’ Just exactly what 'kind of people' was Alexei's little ‘bum chum’ mixed up with, he wondered?! He’d heard the name Brax before of course, but he hadn’t taken that much notice. The guy had been on a different wing from the one that he’d looked after and he also hadn’t stayed around for long. He was nearly sure that he’d been told that he was dead? A prison transport accident or something to do with Trevor Gunson? He couldn’t quite remember. Was he some sort of big deal out in the real world, he wondered? If the Feds were involved, then he had to be! Was Kyle Braxton related to some sort of crime family then?! Why hadn't he known this before?! And what did Josh Barrett have to do with them? Maybe the Barrett kid had more to him than he’d originally thought? Maybe there was a lot more to this thing than that Braxton guy wanting a pretty piece of ass for his cell? $20K was a lot to pay for sex, even if the kid did have a tight little butt. Maybe he should have been asking for a lot more than ten grand this time round?! The whole thing had certainly caught his interest. He made a mental note to do a bit more digging and find out what the deal was.

He peered in through the door again and watched as Josh sat there in silence. He could see him sticking his tongue in his cheek, and glaring at the man across the desk from him, in that way that he always did when he was angry. He gave a little smirk. He had other plans for that tongue of his.

"That doesn’t mean he’s doing anything wrong” huffed Josh, "If they were this big crime family, why aren't they in prison?!"

“They’re obviously good at what they do” said Keith, with a little shrug, “From what I understand, it’s always been a case of not being able to get anything to stick… This Brax guy… He’s clever… He never stays inside for long, does he?”

“I’m done talking about this!” said Josh, as he stood up from the desk, “You can’t stop me from seeing them…Not if they want to see me.”

“No, I can’t” sighed Keith, “But I thought we’d talked about getting you on a better path… You know, maybe even getting you some qualifications…”

‘Ugggh! Qualifications again?!’ sniggered Smithy, ‘How did I know he was gonna start banging on about that again?!’

“Are you sure you want to get yourself mixed up with drug dealers?!” he heard him ask.

‘Drug dealers?’ noted Smithy, ‘This just got a whole lot more interesting.’

“They’re not drug dealers!” shouted Josh, as he kicked the leg of Keith’s desk, “And I’m in here for the next 28 years! What is the point of doing all these courses?! Who’s ever gonna hire me?! …A forty-seven-year-old ex-con with no experience?!” He kicked the table leg again and shook his head. “No-one!”

“That’s why you need to start thinking…” insisted Keith, “You have a 28 year sentence now, but that could change… You could take a case to the appeals board… I’d support you… but you need to ask yourself what it is that they’re looking to see… Start building the groundwork to show them that you want to change, to better yourself… I can tell you now that they won’t look too favourably at the fact that you’re still hanging around with unsavoury characters like these.”

“Unsavoury?!” said Josh, tutting and rolling his eyes in an angry way.

“Yes, Josh” answered Keith, “I think a known drug dealer would be seen as ‘unsavoury’

“He’s not a drug dealer” snarled Josh, “Can you stop saying that?!”

“Whatever you want to believe, Josh” said Keith.

“I’m leaving!” said Josh, heading for the door.

Smithy quickly turned with his back against the wall beside the door. He didn’t want them to see that he’d been listening.

“Josh, just think about what I’ve said!” he heard Keith call out, “I just don’t want you to get yourself involved in something that you might regret.”

Smithy turned and gave Josh a little smile when the door was pulled open. “Ready to go?” he asked him, reaching for the handcuffs hooked on his belt.

"Ready" muttered Josh, as he turned around again and allowed him to cuff his hands behind his back. He was clearly shaking very badly.

“Little eager to get back to laundry duty?” he whispered in his ear, “Aren’t we, princess?!”

“Can we just go?” mumbled Josh, pulling his head away from him, “I just want to get out of here.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart” he sneered, turning him around and pushing him ahead of him through the security doors. They began to make their way along the corridor towards the stairs. He couldn’t help smiling. This had been the most entertainment that he’d had in work in some time. At least since Alexei had been put out of commission. He missed that guy if truth be told! They’d had a lot of fun together and done some good business. They’d had a healthy drug smuggling operation that was now very much dead in the water since the Russians were all but gone. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do about that. He needed to find a new supplier and a new network on the inside that he could trust. And he needed to do it pretty sharpish! He had debts to pay! But there were other things. Much as he hated to admit it, he and Alexei had had a lot in common. Neither of them were gay as such, or at least neither of them would have defined themselves in that way. It wasn’t about sex. It was about power. That said, they certainly had similar taste in men. They liked them very young, slim in build, and preferably straight. What had started as a strictly business arrangement had gradually led to a mutually beneficial agreement whereby they shared their prey. He would select them for a price, and Alexei would break them in. Sometimes he’d even join them for an evening’s entertainment. Sometimes he just liked to watch, but other times he’d taken a more active role. He enjoyed inflicting pain more than anything else, but if he was honest with himself, the thing he liked most was seeing the terror-filled expressions on their faces when they realised who they were sharing a cell with. He loved closing that cell door! He often fantasised about what was happening in there. The funniest thing was when they’d try to buy their way out of the cell! They’d ask around and they’d find out that there was someone who could arrange transfers. He’d always take the money of course, and promise them a move within a day or two. Then he’d split the money with Alexei and the prisoner in question would meet with an ‘unfortunate’ accident before the transfer was made. They’d made a lot of money that way, and there was always a steady flow of fresh young faces to keep them satisfied. They’d really had a good thing going before this little prick had come along and ruined it!

They made their way down the stairs and he gave him a violent shove on the final two steps, sending him slamming into the wall on the landing. Josh groaned in pain, having smacked his cheekbone and his ribs off the wall at great force. “Oops!” exclaimed Smithy, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back again, “Clumsy me!”

Josh narrowed his eyes at him and clenched his jaw.

“Oh… You don’t think I did that deliberately, do you?!” he asked him, in a mock offended tone. He pushed him up against the wall and pressed in tight against him like he’d done at least a dozen times before. “Do you?!” he repeated, staring him in the eye intensely.

Josh shook his head.

“Good!” exclaimed Smithy, pressing his groin against him, “Wouldn’t want there to be any misunderstandings!”

“No mis-misunderstandings” stammered Josh, “I… I tripped.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” laughed Smithy, as he turned him to walk him down the rest of the stairs. He couldn’t help giggling a little. He could see how nervous the kid was now, walking in such a cautious way down each step and waiting for another big shove that never came. He was shaking so badly it was a wonder he could even stay on his feet! He loved this, this feeling of power. ‘How do other people get their kicks?!’ he wondered to himself, ‘Don’t they realise how much fun this is?!’

He walked him back to the door of the laundry room and pushed him roughly ahead of him until they stood beside the young guard who was on duty today.  “Anderson” he said, giving him a little nod as he uncuffed Josh’s wrists, “He’s all yours!”

He stood in the doorway for a moment and watched as the kid made his way over to one of the work benches. There was an older man busily folding sheets there, fast and efficient like a machine. He watched him briefly say hello, before picking up a bundle of bedsheets, and getting to work. He could see, even from this distance, that his hands were shaking violently. He was having a lot of trouble doing his work.

As he watched him there, he began to think about the things that he’d heard today. Maybe this kid could solve all his problems?! Financial and otherwise… Part of him had wanted to quiz him on the way here. He’d wanted to crush him up against the wall and force him to spill his guts about these Braxtons. Force him to tell him everything. And he knew that he would have. It wouldn’t have taken much persuasion! He wanted to know who the Braxtons were, what kind of stuff they were into, and whether they could be of any use…  But the kid wouldn’t have been the first one to lie to him, to cover for their family, so he wanted to do his research first. He had his connections on the outside… He’d find out who they were! With that, he turned to leave and fished his mobile phone out of his pocket. He had a phone call to make!

[Ludub]

Thanks for all the kind comments as always  Hope you like this chapter x

 

Chapter 28

 

Josh glanced sideways as Smithy finally left the laundry room. As soon as he was gone, he stopped what he was doing, and gripped the edge of the folding table with both hands to stop himself from falling to the floor. It had taken everything he had to hold it together this long. He didn’t know how he’d made it down the stairs after that little run-in with Smithy on the landing. His legs felt like they were made of jelly! His whole body was shaking violently and his chest felt tight like he couldn’t breathe. ‘**** sake, Josh!’ he said to himself, ‘Just breathe… Get it together! …You can’t do this here! …Not here where everyone can see!’ He recognised the signs all too well. ‘Not again!’ he thought, silently cursing himself for being so weak, ‘Not now!’ He was in the early stages of a panic attack, and he knew that if he didn’t get it under control pretty sharpish, he would soon be on the floor. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to see how much of a mess he was, or for word to get back to Smithy!

He glanced across at the older man across the table from him. Frank was busily folding the sheets in that calm and practiced way of his. So fast! So efficient! He wasn’t looking at him. He was just getting on with the task at hand. ‘Just follow him’ Josh told himself, as he tried to get his nerves under control, ‘Just copy him… Keep your head down and try to pretend that you’re somewhere else!’ He looked around the room to check that he wasn’t being watched. Everyone seemed to be minding their own business but he was sure that some of the guys were whispering about him. One of the skinheads turned to look at him, and they made eye contact for a moment, but then he went back to laughing with his workmate. He couldn’t help wondering if they were laughing about him but he tried to tell himself that he was just being paranoid. ‘The world doesn’t revolve around you!’ he told himself, ‘Everyone’s just trying to get by as best they can.’ He glanced over his shoulder at the young guard and was surprised to see him throw him a little smile. It wasn’t the sort of smile that he was used to seeing on Smithy’s self-satisfied and cruel face. That smile that said ‘I have unpleasant things in store for you. Just you wait!’ This actually seemed sincere… kind even!

Turning back to the folding table he pulled the bundle of sheets towards himself and tried to make his mind work. He couldn’t begin to think how he was meant to do this. Frank had shown him multiple times already, and it wasn’t like it was that complicated, but with all the adrenalin rushing through his bloodstream, it seemed like the hardest thing in the world right now. He just couldn’t make his hands work! He took a deep shuddering breath and tried to blow it out as slowly as he possibly could. ‘He’s gone now’ he told himself, thinking how much he hated this feeling, this thumping in his chest, this breathlessness! He was still so scared. But in some ways, he was proud of himself. ‘Smithy’s gone…” he said to himself, ‘…and you did what you had to do… You did it!’ He couldn’t believe that it had gone so smoothly. That it had seemed so genuine. He’d never thought himself a particularly good actor, or even that great a liar, but Smithy seemed to have lapped it up. He’d seen him hanging on their every word. All they could do now was hope that they’d set the ball rolling. ‘What if he hasn’t taken the bait?!’ he thought to himself, ‘What do we do then?!’

“You gonna do any folding today?” asked Frank, as he eyed the bundle of sheets sitting in front of Josh, “Or you just gonna stand there?!”

“Yeah… uh, s-sssorry” stammered Josh, in a breathless sort of way, “I was… I was… I… j-just…”

“You were just gonna let me do all the work?” asked Frank with a disapproving tone, “I know what you young blokes are like!”

“N-no” stammered Josh, as he reached in a shaky way for the sheet in front of him and tried to will his hands to move in a coordinated way, “I was just…”

“That’s the problem with your generation…” interrupted Frank. He narrowed his eyes at him as he watched him clumsily fold a sheet. “No work in any of ya!” he exclaimed, with an angry shake of his head, “Lazy little bastards, the lot of you!” Frank leaned across and yanked the sheets away from Josh’s trembling hands and showed him in a slow and deliberate way how to do it properly. “You young folk think the world owes you something… That you’re all precious little snowflakes… and you shouldn’t have to do anything for your food and board… Everything’s just been handed to you on a platter your whole lives, so why would this be any different?!” He shook his head at him and then spat on the floor. “I’ve been folding these sheets here for twenty years” he said, “Nothing gets on my nerves more than seeing you young pups doing a half assed job of it! …All wrinkles, no nice clean folds… No pride in your work, that’s the problem! …You just don’t care!” In the time that he’d been speaking, he’d already folded 6 sheets in neat little bundles, and transferred them to the trolley with the stacks and stacks of sheets that he’d folded earlier. He picked up another bundle of unfolded sheets and threw it across the table at him. “Try not to mess these ones up!” he huffed before returning gruffly to his work. “Useless little bastard” he muttered to himself, just loud enough for Josh to hear.

“Okay… sorry” answered Josh, with a defeated little shrug. He picked up the first sheet on top of the pile and began to fold it as best he could. His hands were still shaking. He heard Frank give a loud tut but he just kept going. What the hell was this guy’s problem, he wondered?! Didn’t he understand that he had other more pressing things to worry about than whether prison issued sheets were folded correctly?! Who really cared?! He doubted that any of the prisoners would worry that their sheets had the creases in the wrong places. Not with the things that were going on behind closed doors in this prison. They might have been more concerned that they didn’t still have traces of blood and other bodily fluids on them! He shuddered to think what the sheets from his cell had looked like.

After a while the trolley sitting beside Frank was full. It had a pile of sheets nearly sky high and they were just about reaching toppling point. He turned to add another stack of them and then thought better of it. Josh’s trolley only had about twenty folded sheets on it. He was still making a dog’s dinner of them and taking forever and a day to do it!

“Kid!” shouted Frank, louder than he really needed to, and making Josh jump. He pointed to the store room and then to his piled-high trolley and gave a grunted “Go!”

Josh’s heart nearly stopped. He didn’t want to ever set foot in that store-room again. He could still remember the sickening snap of the bones when Vasily had broken his fingers. Knowing that it was coming had been the worst thing. Bracing himself and waiting for the pain. He still had cold sweats about it. It was also the perfect trap if someone did want some ‘alone time’ with him. He didn’t want to go!

“Uhh…” he stammered, wide-eyed in fear, “I… I… can’t… I…. please?…”

Frank glared at him and shook his head before leaning two sinewy and strong looking hands on the table. He might have been old but he looked like he was more than a match for him.  “You’re gonna take this trolley” he growled at him loudly, “…And you’re gonna do what I tell you to do… or I’m gonna come round this table and shove my…”

“Barrett!” interrupted a loud voice as a hand suddenly slapped him hard in the middle of the back. It made him jump a mile high! “Good to see you back in the land of the living!”

“Kwon?!” he said, turning to look at him in a startled sort of way. There was a group of Asian men over in the corner, but he hadn’t seen Kwon among them when he’d looked around the room earlier. He figured that he must have been in the store room or on a bathroom break. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy to see him or not. He still wasn’t at all sure whether he could be trusted.

Frank came around the table and got the trolley from beside Josh, pulling at it in an angry and exaggerated way. He gave them both a look that could kill.

“How are the ribs?!” asked Kwon, ignoring Frank and pretending to punch Josh in the side.  He stopped short at the last moment and laughed when he saw him flinch. “How’s my little mate doing?!” he asked, throwing his arm over his shoulder and pulling him down to his height in a sort of headlock.

“Yeah, they’re… th-they’re… okay” stammered Josh, finding it hard to hide his discomfort and trying to pull away from him, “St-still a bit… a bit sore.”

“Ooh… They did a number on you!” said Kwon, sucking air through his teeth for dramatic effect as he let him go again.

“Yeah… I guess” said Josh, standing up straight again and glancing across at Frank. He could see him watching them both with a look of disdain and muttering about ‘useless young men and their lack of work ethic’. “You look better” said Josh, looking back at Kwon with an uneasy smile. He knew that he’d been very badly injured in the riot too and that he’d had to have surgery so he was surprised to see him looking so well.

“Yeah, man… Check this out!” said Kwon, grinning from ear to ear and pulling his t-shirt up to show him his belly. “How’s this for a killer scar?!” he asked. There was a long, ragged scar that ran diagonally from his belly button to just below his ribs on his right-hand side. “They nearly gutted me, didn’t they?!” he said, giggling a little, “But it’s healing good!”

“Yeah… It looks…” said Josh, wincing a little at the sight of it. It was still red and painful looking.

“Badass?!” said Kwon, finishing his sentence for him, “Yeah, I know! …It’s sweet as!”

Josh gave him a weak little smile, remembering Aaron’s belly wound, and how badly it had bled. Kwon was indeed lucky to be alive! He wondered what kind of person would react this way to being gutted like a pig. His manic grin was setting him even more on edge.

Josh glanced at Frank and gave him an apologetic little grimace when he saw him glowering at him. “Uh… I think maybe” he said to Kwon, “I think maybe we should get back to work?”

“Nah man, listen” said Kwon, lowering his voice to a whisper and glancing around in a conspiratorial sort of way, “I put in a good word for you with my boss… He wants to talk to you.”

 

*****

 

“You’re not doing it right!” said Aaron, shaking his head at Kyle in a teasing sort of way, “You’re gonna hurt your back if you keep doing it like that!” He was sitting on a low stone wall right beside where Kyle was working and kept interrupting with annoying little pointers and suggestions.

Kyle gave a sigh and wiped at his brow with the back of his hand. It was a hot day and he’d been working hard in the hope of distracting himself. He was soaked in sweat. “And what would you know?!” he replied, looking down at the bag of mulch that he’d just set down, “A city boy like you?!” He didn’t mean to sound so short with him but he was getting on his nerves. He’d been chiming in with silly little jokes all day. He knew that he meant well, of course, but it was making him more and more anxious. Didn’t he understand that he was nervous? That he was worried about whether the plan would go wrong?! Worried, not just for him and Josh, but for Brax and Ricky too. His whole family was in the line of fire! How could he not be stressed?!

“I know more than you!” laughed Aaron, “And what?! …You’re a country boy now, are you?! …Last I heard, you were from Melbourne!”

 

“Yeah, alright” snapped Kyle, “So neither of us are exactly farmers! …Can you shut up for a while?!”

“Sor-ry!” said Aaron, in an exaggerated and sarcastic way. He crossed his arms across his chest and furrowed his brows at him. “You seem stressed?” he ventured, “A bit… a bit wound up…”

“How can I not be?!” he shouted, “What if it all goes wrong?!”

“It won’t” insisted Aaron, with his head tilted at him in sympathy. He jumped up from the wall and came to stand in front of him. “It’ll be okay, Kyle” he said, putting his arms around his waist and leaning in towards him for a kiss. He looked a little hurt when he saw him pull back from him.  “It’ll be okay.” he repeated, with an insistent little nod.

 

“You can’t know that!” he snarled at him a bit too loudly, as he pushed him way. There was a sudden hush as the other inmates stopped talking and turned to look at him. They’d heard him shouting at thin air! He flushed a little red with embarrassment when he realised that they were all looking at him.

“Busted” said Aaron, with a little grimace.

“Shut up!” whispered Kyle, as he went back to his work. He hoisted one of the big bags of mulch up onto his shoulder and carried it to the raised bed. “Just shut it” he muttered again, glancing at Aaron for a moment, before slitting the bag open and starting to scatter the contents. He could still feel the eyes of the all the other inmates on him.

“Okay, shutting it” said Aaron, motioning with his hand as though his was zipping his mouth closed. He went and sat down on the wall of the raised bed beside him and stared off across the garden in a sullen sort of way.

He tutted and rolled his eyes. “No need to throw a strop” he said under his breath, “Like some sulking little girl.” He knew that he was being unfair to him. That he was being unnecessarily cruel. But he needed to lash out right now.

He went to get another bag of mulch and threw it down on top of the wall. He glanced around at the other inmates and gave a sigh of relief when he saw that they’d gone back to work too. As he scattered handfuls of mulch around the plants he suddenly became aware of a dark shadow. Someone was standing behind him and blocking out the light from the sun. He glanced at Aaron in a frightened sort of way and widened his eyes at him.

“Kyle?” said the man behind him…

 

*****

 

“How do you know he’s even gonna call?” asked Johnno, “I mean, what?! You’re gonna have me sit here forever… Just in case he decides to call me?! What if he doesn’t?! …I haven’t heard from him in weeks!”

“He’ll call” said Agent Lee, picking up his coffee and taking a long slow sip. “For your sake, you’d better hope he does… No call, no deal.” The mobile phone was sitting in the middle of the table and they’d been staring at it for the last half hour. He didn’t want to admit to the lowlife idiot sitting in front of him that he was worried too, but he was. They needed this call to happen! They needed Smithy to be predictable. They’d been watching him for nearly a year now and they knew his habits inside and out. Anything happened and he went running to his younger cousin Johnno. He was his eyes and ears on the street! If he needed information, especially in a hurry, ‘Little Cuz’ would be his first port of call.

“I don’t know if I can do this” said Johnno, picking nervously at the edges of a sheet of paper on the table. His hands were shaking. He looked down at the bulletpoints on the page in front of him and gave a nervous swallow. He didn’t really need the notes. They’d rehearsed this now a hundred times. He knew it inside and out. He’d said his lines so many times now that he almost believed them himself! But he was scared! Smithy was his cousin. He knew him better than he knew most other people. What if he saw through him?!

“You wanna spend the next twenty years inside?” asked the agent, raising an eyebrow at him, “With guys like your cousin… Maybe worse?” He gave him a cruel little smile and ruffled his hair for him. “You’re a good looking boy, aren’t you Johnno?” he said with a smirk, “I think you’ll be popular… Especially when they find out what you’re in for.”

Johnno looked up at him and grimaced. He knew exactly what happened to guys like him on the inside and he knew that he wouldn’t survive twenty years. His only chance was this deal. All he had to do was play his part. All he had to do was feed Smithy the lines that he’d been told to. Maybe he could do that? He’d get a private cell in a protection wing, and his sentence knocked down to twelve years. Smithy would do the same if he was in his position. Who could blame him?!

Suddenly the phone rang and both sets of eyes fell on the phone. “Smithy” came up on the screen and the agent pushed it across the table to him.

“Showtime” he said, nodding to it, “Don’t screw this up.”

[Ludub]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment! Much appreciated!  Hope you enjoy this one!

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

Chapter 29

 

 

Smithy hung up the phone and slid it back into his pocket. ‘Well, this has turned into an interesting day’ he thought to himself, ‘Looks like Smithy may have himself a whole new meal ticket!’ He took his pouch of tobacco out of his pocket and started to roll himself a cigarette. He figured he’d take a few more minutes to mull things over. Nobody would miss him inside…

He couldn’t help smiling. Things were certainly looking on the up! He’d called his cousin to ask him to put his feelers out and see if he could find out any information about these Braxtons. He’d thought that maybe he could ask around for him and see if anyone had heard of them. He hadn’t expected him to already know about them! For them to already be on his radar! His little cousin did mix in the kind of circles that would know though. The kind of people who always had an iron in the fire. Johnno wasn’t a bad lad really, he thought to himself. The kid was a little odd and the whole family knew it. He was the only one that really took much to do with him now. The others didn’t want him around since that incident with his brother’s youngest girl. He’d served his time though. He’d said he was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again. Not only that, but he was on a register now, and being closely monitored. What more did they want?! His time inside had proved invaluable too! He’d forged all sorts of new connections. A whole new network of people just like him. Kindred spirits really. Eyes and ears everywhere! If there was something going on in the city, it was unlikely that Johnno wouldn’t know about it!

So, as it turned out, that Kyle Braxton was more connected than he’d given him credit for! These Braxtons seemed to be a much bigger deal than he’d ever imagined. There was money to be had! And lots of it! Here he’d been asking for a miserable $10,000, when it turned out the kid was related to some sort of kingpin?! How could he not have known this before?!

Johnno had told him that ‘Brax’ was the head of some gang called the ‘River Boys’. They operated a large scale drug smuggling racket, dealing primarily in crystal meth, and they supplied a large area of the inner city. They’d started out as small-timers, dealing in cannabis for the most part, but Brax had been inside and made some useful connections while he’d been there. He and Trevor ‘Gunno’ Gunson had worked together for a little while, but then they’d had a falling out. Word was that the River Boys had taken on Trevor Gunson and his crew. They’d fought and they’d won. Gunno had mysteriously disappeared after that, so Brax and his River Boys had a monopoly now.  He’d heard something about some sort of feud between this ‘Gunno’ character, and someone called ‘Brax’, but it hadn’t really registered as that important. He wished that he’d paid more attention now!

It was true that the Feds had an ongoing interest in this ‘Brax’ and his family, mostly because he’d faked his own death and gone underground for a period of time. That had certainly piqued their interest, but he’d done such a good job of late, of building himself a new identity, that they’d all but abandoned their surveillance of him. They seemed to have bought his story. They seemed to think that he’d actually gone legit! That was a hard thing to pull off, especially these days with the traceability that modern technology allowed, but he seemed to have done it! He seemed to have dropped off their radar to a certain extent. ‘Family man, gone straight. Restaurant Owner. Nothing to see here!’ They’d bought it, hook, line, and sinker! That’s what Johnno had said anyway…

But seemingly, the Feds were wrong! The underground rumour mill was up to top speed. Word had started to spread over the last few days that the Braxtons had a big deal in the offing. Some people were saying that there was a boat coming in in the next few days, a shipment from Thailand, or Malaysia, or somewhere like that. Others were saying that they had a facility of their own, a factory somewhere on the outskirts of the city, where they were cooking up their own stuff. It sounded like something out of Breaking Bad! He’d said that every player in the city seemed to be trying to get a cut of it.

Johnno had seemed surprised that he hadn’t heard of them. That he, sneaky Smithy, was so out of the loop! He couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed. He’d obviously gotten too comfortable over the last year or two. He’d taken the good deal that he’d had with Alexei far too much for granted, and he really had taken his eye off the ball! How could he not have known about these Braxtons before?! Was he that out of touch?!

Not only that but they’d played him! He thought back to the meeting that he’d had with that young blonde woman. He’d taken them for amateurs, simply handing over their cash in good faith, like most of the families that he’d dealt with before. Like total suckers! Nothing had suggested that he was dealing with big time drug dealers. Nothing had told him that he should be careful about who he was messing with. It had all gone exactly like any other deal. He’d talked to her like she was some little Susie homemaker like all the others he’d met! The young woman had even seemed frightened and very unsure of herself. ‘Clever’ he thought to himself, ‘Threw me off the scent completely!’ He liked that. He liked the sneakiness of it. He respected that.

He took a draw from his cigarette and blew it out with a self-satisfied little smile. Part of him knew that he should have been worried. If these Braxtons really were the big deal that they appeared to be, then he’d basically ripped off a drug baron, and he probably wasn’t far off being shot in the back of the head some evening. Not only that, but the role he’d played in putting this Barrett kid in a cell with a rapist, might not go unnoticed. At least he hadn’t tasted of that particular fruit himself, not yet anyway. There was still plausible deniability as things stood. ‘I didn’t know what Alexei was doing!’ he could just hear himself saying, ‘I swear on my dead mother’s soul, I didn’t!!’ He knew it was going to be a ‘tough sell’ but he was never one to waste an opportunity when it presented itself. Maybe it was sheer arrogance that made him think that he could pull it off but he was pretty sure that he could make it work for him. ‘I mean, sure they might be a little pissed off with me’ he thought to himself, ‘…but I’m a pretty useful guy to know, and these fellas are businessmen at the end of the day. I’m a lot more useful to them alive than I am dead… They’ll know a good deal when they see one!’ He stuck his thumb and forefinger in his mouth to wet them and then pinched out the end of his cigarette. ‘Time for me and little brother Braxton to have a catch up’ he said to himself, as he got to his feet, ‘A nice cosy chat about this big brother of his!’

 

*****

 

"I don't need it anymore" said Josh, trying to hand the small packet back to Kwon without the guards noticing, "I was out of my tree on pain meds... I didn't know what I was saying!" He'd felt Kwon slip a small package in the back pocket of his work trousers just before they'd lined up at the end of the shift. The guards hadn't seen, as far as he could tell, but Frank had! He'd seen him glaring at him and muttering under his breath. "You have to take it back!" he whispered to Kwon in an urgent sort of way as he tried to palm it back to him, "Please Kwon?! I don't want it!"

"You asked for it" insisted Kwon, crossing his arms in an angry way and talking through clenched teeth like a ventriloquist, "I stuck my neck out for you! I told my boss you were good for it!"

"I can't!" whispered Josh, talking to him over his shoulder as the line moved along, "I don't have any money! I can't pay for it!"

"You should have thought about that before you asked me for it!" he growled at him, "That's why the boss wants to see you... He has terms and conditions."

“But I didn’t agree to it” said Josh, as a half-remembered conversation flashed through his head. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Maybe he had asked him for it?!

“You asked me to get you some stuff” said Kwon, narrowing his eyes at him. “Please, Kwon?!” he said, imitating Josh’s voice in a high falsetto, “I just need something to help me forget… To help me block it all out… I’ll do anything!”

Josh grimaced. He did sort of remember that conversation. He wished that he didn’t, but he did. It had been a moment of weakness, that was all! Surely, Kwon had seen what a mess he was?! He should have known not to take him seriously. He’d been having night terrors every time he drifted off. So vivid! So real! He’d been screaming the place down and climbing the walls! Anyone could have seen that he wasn’t in the right headspace to be making decisions, and certainly not any business deals! He’d begged him. That was true. But he’d been out of his head on pain meds and more than a little confused. All he’d wanted was to shut everything out for a while, to be numb, to not remember… Maybe he’d even wanted to end it entirely?! He couldn’t be sure… Besides, it had been before his meeting with Keith! He’d genuinely thought that he’d reached the end of the road. That he had no options left!

“Yeah! …You remember!” laughed Kwon, “Oh Please Kwon… pretty please?!”

Josh gave a heavy sigh and shook his head. It was clear that Kwon wasn’t going to take no for an answer. "How much is it?" he asked, pushing it back into his pocket in a defeated sort of way. He just hoped that there wouldn’t be a shakedown before they got back to their cells. The last thing he needed was to get caught with a pocket full of narcotics!

"Two" said Kwon, giving him a little smirk, "He'll want it in the next day or two."

"And... if I can't get it?" he asked, hanging his head as he walked ahead of him in the line. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to get that sort of money. He had next to nothing in his account and Kyle was pretty wiped too. He wondered how he was going to get himself out of this new mess that he’d landed himself in.

"I don’t know, mate…” said Kwon, with a cruel little chuckle, “…but maybe you two could work something out… You and the boss? A 'payment plan' of sorts?"

Josh glanced back at him and flushed red with embarrassment and anger. It was pretty clear what he was suggesting!

"Wouldn't be anything new for you…” said Kwon, with a little wink, “Now, would it?!"

Josh turned back to the queue as they trudged along, and clamped his hand around the little packet in his pocket. He didn’t even know what it was or what it was supposed to do! Was it something to snort or something to swallow? He dug his fingers into the packet to try to figure out what it was. Little round things inside. It felt like pills. He wondered how much was in there, how strong they were, and what would happen if he took the whole packet. On some level, he was tempted. He was fairly sure that that was what he’d originally intended. Suicide. Quiet and private. To leave all of this behind! It had seemed like the only solution. That’s until Keith had stepped in and given him something to hope for… He'd been so engrossed in making plan B work over the last week or so, that he'd forgotten completely about plan A. What was he going to do now?!

“I wouldn’t if I were you” said Kwon, coming up behind him suddenly and whispering in his ear, “You die and that little mate of yours inherits your debt… That Kyle guy you seem so tight with…” He laughed when he saw Josh glance at him wide-eyed in shock. “What?!” he asked with a giggle, “You didn’t think the boss would just go supplying some guy he doesn’t even know… without an insurance policy?!”

“But… but…” stammered Josh, “He doesn’t have anything to do with this!”

“He does now!” said Kwon. They’d reached the doorway out to the general population cell. “So?!” said Kwon, grabbing Josh in a headlock again like he’d done before and razzling his hair for him, “You come look for us in the mess hall tomorrow morning… The boss will be expecting you!”

Josh walked back to his cell and sat down on the mattress of the lower bunk. He sat for a moment with his face in his hands and wondered at the mess that his life had become. How had he ended up in a place like this?! Was he really such a terrible person that he deserved this life?! That he deserved to be beaten to a pulp on a daily basis, to have his bones broken, to be raped repeatedly and made to do abhorrent things, to be endlessly victimised? He gave a sad sigh. Maybe he did. Maybe he deserved exactly this?! He’d killed Charlotte in self-defence but he’d left her body there to wash up on the shore like a piece of trash. Like she wasn’t worth anything. He’d run away like a coward and lied to the people closest to him. He’d allowed poor innocent Zac to go to prison in his stead. He’d stood by and allowed him to be charged and to be held in a place just like this. He’d done a truly terrible thing! A terrible thing! He’d hurt so many people. Maybe he deserved everything he got?! Maybe he’d brought all of this on himself? His own personal hell on earth… He held his hands out in front of him and tried to steady them as they shook violently. He didn’t know what to do but one thought began to take hold. ‘Maybe I should just end it?’ he thought to himself, ‘Maybe I could leave Keith a note and he could sort things out with Kwon and his boss… or maybe transfer Kyle out of harm’s way? Maybe it would be for the best?’ Before he knew what he was doing, he’d pulled the packet out of his pocket and he was sitting looking at it. ‘I wonder what they are’ he thought to himself, as he unwrapped it and looked at the ten blue pills in his hand, ‘Could be Viagra again for all I know!’ He grimaced at the thought of going out like Alexei had. Death by giant throbbing member was not that appealing a prospect! There were no markings on the pills so he had no way of knowing what they were.

“Josh do drugs?” came a Russian voice that made him jump. A very large man was now standing in the doorway and looking at him with a disappointed expression on his face.

“Dimitri!” exclaimed Josh, quickly rewrapping the pills and shoving them back in his pocket, “No… I… I… It’s not what it looks like!”

“It look like Josh want to take drugs” said Dimitri, looking like a small child who was on the verge of tears, “I not want friend to be sick… He be very sick if he take drugs like that.”

“It’s okay” said Josh, giving him an uneasy little smile, “They’re not drugs… They’re a special kind of vitamin.”

“I not smart” said Dimitri, leaning against the doorframe and shaking his head at him, “But I not stupid either! They drugs!”

“No, really, they’re not!” said Josh, smiling in a very unconvincing way, “I don’t do drugs!”

“That’s good to hear!” said Kyle, stepping into view in the doorway. He’d been outside listening the whole time and everything about the way that he was looking at him now said that he didn’t believe him. He threw him a very disapproving look and squeezed past Dimitri into the cell. “You won’t mind me taking a look then” he said, as he joined Josh on the mattress of the lower bunk and held his hand out expectantly, “Hand them over!”

“What?! No!” said Josh, furrowing his brow at him, “Kyle… they’re not…” He didn’t finish the sentence. He could see the way that Kyle was looking at him and he felt guilty and ashamed. As though he really was some sort of drug addict! He didn’t really know why he was lying to him. It was pretty obvious that he was going to need Kyle’s help if he had any chance of getting out of this mess. He was going to have to come clean! He knew that he didn’t really have a choice, but some part of him wanted to hide the pills and deny that they existed. He wanted to hold on to the possibility of escape for just a little bit longer, even if he knew that he would never really do it. He just wanted to hold them in his hands and know that he had the choice, if only for tonight. It was more of a fantasy than anything else. Wishful thinking even! He knew that he would never really have the guts to go through with it! He was too much of a coward for that! With a frustrated little sigh, he pulled the packet out of his pocket and handed it over.

“What are these?” asked Kyle, as he peered at the blue pills in his hand.

Josh just shrugged and wrapped his arms around his chest. He glanced up at Dimitri who was standing in the doorway with two lollipops in his hand. He looked quite crestfallen.

“You bought pills and you don’t even know what they are?!” exclaimed Kyle, “They could be anything!”

“They Rohypnol” said Dimitri, giving a little nod as he gazed at the pills in Kyle’s hand, “They make you sleep sleep, and walk funny too… and then you do like this…” He rolled his eyes back in his head and stuck his tongue out to the side like a zombie. “Like this!” he said, pretending to stagger about a bit like he couldn’t keep his balance. He looked back at Josh and shook his head. “They make you sick!” he said with a worried expression on his face, “Alexei… He make me take them …before he…” He shook his head as though he was trying to shake away the memories. “I get very sick!”

“You were gonna take this stuff?!” said Kyle with a scolding ‘mother hen’ sort of tone as he looked back at Josh, “You were gonna dose yourself with Rohypnol and you didn’t even know what you were taking! Jesus, Josh! How could you be this stupid?!”

“I didn’t buy them!” snapped Josh, “Someone just forced them on me!”

“Wait… What?!” asked Kyle.

“And now… now I have them…” he said, talking more to himself than to Kyle, “…and… and I have to pay for them! …I have to pay for them one way or another… and I have no money! …So you know… You know there’s only one way to pay for them in a place like this… and I can’t let that happen again! They think that’s what I am now! That I’m fair game! I’m some …some little bitch that’ll turn tricks to earn my keep!” He was sitting with his hands covering his face now. “I don’t… I just don’t… I don’t know what to do!”

[Ludub]

Thanks for the kind comments peeps and sorry for the big delay. Hope you all like this one 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

Chapter 30

 

Kyle laughed as he followed along behind a dark-haired older man. He didn’t know where they were going but he had a sense that the man was taking him somewhere to show him something special. He was excited. He could tell by the way that the man was moving that he was full of excitement too. He might as well have been skipping along! A strong hand with mud under the fingernails gripped his own, holding it tight, and pulling him along behind. The skin was rough and work-worn, but there was something so familiar about it too, like their hands belonged together. Like they’d been made for each other… He knew this man. He was sure of it. The shape of his shoulders, and the way that he moved… He couldn't see the man's face properly as he moved along ahead of him, but from the crinkles at the corners of his eyes he could see that he was smiling.  

“Nearly there!” said the man, talking over his shoulder to him, "It's just over here!” That’s when he realised! The man in front was Aaron! He would have known that voice anywhere. The years had given it a more gravelly, serious tone, but it was unmistakably Aaron’s voice!

He gripped his hand a little tighter. This was Aaron! Of course! Aaron had come to pick him up! He’d come to get him at the prison and now he was taking him to show him something. They’d parked a car by the marina and they were making their way along the rows of businesses by the waterfront. He kept looking down at the water that glistened and lapped in against the moored boats. The sun was shining brightly overhead and there was a blue sky as far as the eye could see, hardly a cloud in sight. He could feel the heat in his bones and taste the saltiness of the sea air. It felt good to be here, out here in the fresh air. He felt free!

There was a long row of industrial type buildings. Lots of little businesses selling fishing equipment and doing boat rentals. Aaron stopped them at a heavy metal door that was painted green and pointed for him to look up at the sign above the door. "Taylor's Garden" the sign read, “Commercial Interior and Exterior Landscaping Services”. Kyle looked down into the eyes of the man that he loved and his heart swelled with pride. He'd done it! He'd opened his gardening business! He’d realised his dream! Aaron beamed at him with those blue eyes of his twinkling in the sunshine and he thought his heart would melt. He was even more handsome than he’d remembered him! It was true that he was older now but he’d aged well. Ten years of hard work outside in the elements had taken their toll, but it had given him a tanned and rugged look. His beard was greying in places, he had a few wrinkles, and there was a bit of grey coming through at his temples too. He looked distinguished. He wondered how he seemed in comparison, with his sickly prison complexion, and his sad tired eyes. Life certainly hadn’t been kind to him.

With a huge smile on his face, Aaron let go of his hand, and turned to unlock the padlock on the door. He pulled back the bolt and threw him another huge smile as he slid the door sideways to reveal a tropical paradise of plants of all shapes and colours. It was truly breath-taking! Oranges, and reds, and pinks, and purples, and greens of every shade. There were plants there that he didn't think he'd ever seen before. Colours so dazzling that it was hard to fathom! For someone who had spent a decade in a world defined by grey concrete, it was almost more than he could cope with. A sensory overload. He actually took a step back!

Aaron grabbed his hand and held it for a moment before slowly leading him inside. "What do you think?!" he asked, turning to face him and slipping his arms around his waist.

"It... It… It's so beautiful!" he stammered, looking around at it in awe, "I'm so... I’m… I'm so proud of you!" His voice caught on the last few words as he felt a wave of emotion crash over him. He couldn’t believe that he was standing here, holding Aaron’s hand. He was free…

Aaron reached forward a little tentatively, looking a little shy, as he gently caressed the side of his face. "I've missed you so much" he whispered quietly, with tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

"I've missed..." he started to say but he didn't get to finish. Aaron had stopped his mouth with a soft little kiss. Their lips met only for a moment before Aaron pulled back and flushed red with embarrassment.

Kyle looked at him in surprise. He knew that they hadn't seen each other in ten years and he'd thought it might be presumptuous to think that he would still feel that way.

"Sorry... I…" stammered Aaron, as he looked down at the ground, "I just... I wanted…"

"No... I..." he mumbled in reply, "I've missed you too"

Aaron smiled up at him in a shy sort of way and began to lean in again.  It was like being on a first date. They were both embarrassed and awkward. He reached up and put his hand on the back of Kyle’s head to pull him in towards him and smiled when he didn’t offer any resistance.

Kyle gave a little sigh and leaned his forehead against Aaron’s. He put his arms around his waist and they stood there for a moment in silence.  "I still love you" he whispered eventually, as tears began to roll down his cheeks, “I never stopped.”

With a gentle little smile, Aaron took his face in both hands, and wiped his tears away with his thumbs. “I love you too” he said, pressing his lips to his for a soft little kiss.

"It's been so long" said Kyle, beginning to kiss him more urgently and speaking in a breathless sort of way, "I didn't think..."

"I waited" said Aaron, hopping up to sit on the potting bench behind him and pulling him over to stand between his legs. "I told you I would..." he said, as he ran his fingers through his hair and pulled him in close for a slow and passionate kiss.

Kyle pulled back from the kiss after a few moments and leaned back a little to look at him properly. He had a full beard now, and while he liked the feel of it against his face, it did make him look so much older. ‘Nearly 40’ he thought to himself, ‘We’ve lost so much time!’

Suddenly there was a noise and they both turned to look. It had come from the corner of the shed.

"What was that?!" asked Kyle, looking around a little startled, "It sounded like someone was choking?”

“It’s nothing” said Aaron, putting his arms around his waist again as he planted soft little kisses on his neck, “Just ignore it.”

The noise came again. This time it was a lot clearer. There was a loud retching sound, followed by a sort of slosh of chunky liquid.

“Someone’s getting sick” said Kyle, staring all around him as he tried to see where it was coming from. He turned to look at Aaron in a worried sort of way and saw the sad expression on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked him.

"I think you have to go now.” said Aaron, with a sad little shrug of his shoulders, "I think that's Josh… I think he needs your help."

"I don't want to go!" said Kyle, tightening his hold around Aaron’s waist, “I’ve only just got here!”

“You have to!” said Aaron, shaking his head at him, “You don’t have a choice… He needs you.”

“No, please?! Aaron?!” he pleaded, gently stroking the side of his face and then leaning towards him for a kiss.

“You can’t stay” said Aaron, putting his hand in the middle of his chest to stop him, "You have to see if he's okay."

The choking sounds were getting louder. He couldn’t ignore them any longer. They were drowning everything else out!

"Go" said Aaron, giving him a sad little smile, "He needs you!" With that, he gave him a hard shove in the middle of the chest…

Kyle's eyes flickered open and he stared at the grey cement ceiling. Gone was the vivid blue sky, gone were the dazzling bright colours of the flowers, gone was Aaron’s handsome smiling face… All he was left with was this grey concrete. A bunkbed in a locked cell and nothing but grey concrete to hold it all in. He knew that it had only been a dream. Of course, he knew that… but he felt cold and empty all the same.

Then he heard it!  A loud hacking cough and the unmistakable sound of someone vomiting. He looked down and saw Josh on his knees in front of the toilet. 'Great!' he thought to himself, 'What now?!' He swung his legs out over the edge and jumped down.

"Are you okay?!" he asked him, crouching down beside him as he retched over the toilet. He knew that he'd been badly shaken by their chat with Smithy but he hadn't expected to find him vomiting like this! 

"I'm okay" mumbled Josh, before suddenly lurching forward and dry retching again, He hadn't really eaten much for days so he had nothing much to bring up. "Just ...go back to bed" he panted, as he leaned his arms and head on the metal toilet bowl.

"Have you taken something?!" asked Kyle, wondering if the packet of pills had been the only ones that he'd had on him earlier and cursing himself for not checking, "Josh, have you taken something? You need to tell me now!"

"No!" grunted Josh, "Nothing... Just... I'm sick, okay?!"

"Josh, c'mon?" coaxed Kyle, tentatively putting his hand on Josh's forehead to check for a fever. He felt cold and clammy, "You definitely haven't taken anything?!"

"No! Just leave me alone!" groaned Josh, pulling his head away from him, "I haven’t taken anything..." He'd been fighting off a panic attack for hours now but it had finally gotten the better of him. The adrenalin was rushing through his body and making him feel nauseous. He hated being anywhere near Smithy, even in normal circumstances, but knowing that they were leading him into a trap had his anxiety levels at breaking point. And now Kwon and his guys had been added to the mix! "Just... back off, will ya?!" he pleaded.

"Can't do that" said Kyle, with a shake of his head, "Not when you're puking two feet from where I sleep."

"Sorry" said Josh, in a bitter sort of way, "Didn't mean to wake you up".

"C'mon, Josh, you know that's not what I mean!... I'm just worried"

"I don't need..." he said, before dry retching again.

"You need someone" said Kyle, cutting him off before he could finish that thought, "And right now I'm the best that you have."

"I just..." he started to say, turning to look at him with tears in his eyes, "I'm scared." He hated to admit it, but he was. Any confidence that he’d ever had had been well and truly knocked out of him. He felt like a little boy surrounded by men.

"Yeah, I know" said Kyle, "I am too... but it'll be okay."

"You don't know that" he said, coughing a little and spitting in the toilet bowl. 

"Josh, c'mon?" said Kyle, putting his hand on his back to give it a gentle rub. He could feel him cringing under his hand but he did it anyway. "It'll be okay... Just...You need to calm down... Just breathe... Don't let him get to you like this."

Josh gave a little sigh and wiped at his mouth in disgust. It was true. Smithy had got to him. He was the reason he was crouched over this toilet bowl now. Somehow, he had this way of making him remember Alexei, and everything that had happened, and just how weak and powerless he'd felt when he was with him. Even tonight, despite the fact that Smithy had been alarmingly friendly at first, there'd always been an underlying threat of sexual violence. Like he might force himself on him at the drop of a hat. He was always smirking and throwing him creepy little looks. He always seemed to be undressing him with his eyes. Long lingering looks that made him feel uncomfortable and made his skin crawl. Seeing him look at him that way, the way that Alexei had looked at him, had brought it all rushing back! The smell and the taste of that revolting Russian man! No matter how much he tried to, he just couldn't forget it. It was the reason that he couldn't eat. Even the taste of vomit couldn't wipe it from his memory. He would have given anything to be able to scrub his mouth out with bleach. "Can you get me some water?" he asked Kyle, in a defeated kind of way, "I need a drink".

Kyle got up and went to fill the cup by the sink for him. "Here" he said, handing it to him. Josh was sitting on the floor beside the toilet with his back against the wall, knees drawn up in that defensive position he was so fond of these days. He looked pale and shaky. Kyle watched him as he rinsed his mouth out repeatedly and spat it in the toilet. 

The cell had been locked for the night again and Smithy had left the two of them to mull things over. They'd played their parts. Keith had coached them both well. 'No, Brax isn't this big drug dealer that you've heard he is! No, we have no idea what you're talking about... No, he's just a restaurant owner... What do you mean you could make our lives more difficult?! No, of course we don't want that... No, neither of us wants to spend time in the hole... No, neither of us wants to be moved to a cell with a rapist... No, neither of us wants to be pimped out... Okay, so... ‘maybe’ a meeting with Brax could be arranged after all? Maybe he'd be willing to have a chat? …Call him tomorrow? Okay, but neither of us has call privileges... You'll sort that out? Okay, we'll call him tomorrow then. Can't promise anything though.' It couldn't really have gone any better. Smithy had done exactly as expected. Predictable, practically down to the last syllable. He’d come at them with offers of friendship and camaraderie at first, and when that had failed, he’d simply fallen back on his tried and tested means of persuasion. He’d threatened both of them with all sorts of unpleasantness until they’d finally admitted the ‘truth’ about Brax. It had all gone very well but the stress had just been a bit too much for Josh. The threats had cut a little too close to the bone for him. He'd started to shake from the moment that Smithy had closed their cell door.

"Better?" asked Kyle, when he saw that he'd finished the cup of water.

Josh gave a little snort and rolled his eyes in response.

"Do you want some more?" asked Kyle, reaching for the cup.

"You know what I want" muttered Josh.

"You're not getting them back" said Kyle, "Not when you're in this frame of mind." He still couldn’t get his head around Josh's decision to take his own life. No matter how bad things got, it was something he would never do. Getting killed was one thing, throwing in the towel was another. "I don't trust you not to hurt yourself" he said, “I’ll give them to you in the morning.”

"Who do you think you are?!" exclaimed Josh, with a sudden flash of anger, "What I do or don't do has nothing to do with you! You don’t get to treat me like a little kid!" He had no intention of killing himself really, but he was tempted to take one of the pills just so he could escape from everything for a little while. He just wanted to feel numb.

"It has everything to do with me! Everything! You share my cell!" answered Kyle, “I've been dragged into this plan of yours and we're only halfway through... You're my friend and... and I care about you whether you like it or not." He looked at him with a hurt expression on his face. "How do you think I would have felt? Finding you dead on the floor here? How selfish can you be?!"

"That isn't fair" said Josh.

"No, what isn't fair is you OD'ing and leaving me to find you!" snapped Kyle. He looked at him and shook his head a little angrily. "You were gonna just take them and let me find you?! Weren't you?! You were gonna swallow those pills and… I just would have found in the morning… lying in a pool of your own vomit?! You were gonna let me watch you die... watch you... like... like I did with Aaron?!"

"No, I..." Josh said, turning to look at him with tears in his eyes.  "I... I just want it to stop" he said, giving a heavy sigh.

"What to stop?" asked Kyle.

"This" he muttered, holding his arms out to indicate his own body, "This... feeling..."

"What... what do you mean?" asked Kyle, coming to sit down beside him. He couldn't help feeling sorry for him.  He just looked so small and fragile.

"I don't know... I just can't stop..." he said, staring off into the distance, "I can't turn it off... He’s in my head all the time… I can't stop thinking about... about what ...happened."

"With Alexei?" asked Kyle, tilting his head in sympathy. He still didn't know exactly what had happened when that cell door had closed but he had a fair idea. Josh's injuries had painted a clear enough picture, with his bitemarks and his obvious discomfort at sitting down... but in any case, Cuddles was well known in the prison for his depraved tastes and brutality. He'd heard the rumours. He wasn't sure that he really wanted to know the gritty details. Not when it was someone he knew personally.

Josh just nodded and pulled his arms around his knees. "I feel sick... I feel... I feel... pathetic and weak... and... and disgusting... And everyone knows... They all know what he did to me... What I let him do... How am I meant to hold my head up? When they all know? I mean... Why? Why couldn't I stop him? Why didn't I put up more of a fight? Am I that much of a loser?!"

"You didn't have a choice, Josh!" Kyle assured him, "I mean, you were locked in that cell! What were you meant to do?! He's three times your size!"

"Maybe I did?" he said, speaking more to himself than to Kyle, "Maybe I did have a choice? ...I guess I could have let him beat me to death instead?" He nodded slowly and stared in a wide-eyed and vacant sort of way. "At least I would have died a man... I'd have gone out fighting!"

"Josh!" groaned Kyle, “What happened doesn’t make you any less of a man.” He wanted to reassure him but he could understand him feeling that way. He couldn’t begin to imagine how powerless he must have felt! His self esteem was clearly in ribbons.

Josh snorted and rolled his eyes at him. "It makes me a little bitch!" he said, with a bitter tone to his voice, "It makes me fair game!" He wiped angrily at the tears in his eyes. "Maybe it would have been better if I'd just let him kill me?" he said quietly, "Better than this?!"

"No, it wouldn't" said Kyle, as he put his arm around his shoulder and ignored the little flinch that he gave. He clearly wasn't comfortable with being touched. "It wouldn't." he repeated, "You did what you had to do... to survive."

"Yeah but why did I have to?" he asked, "Why me? ...I mean, they didn't put you in his cell, did they? ...Smithy saw something in me... He must have done... A weakness?"

"You're young" said Kyle, with a little shrug, "…and there was a vacancy." The young boy in Alexei’s cell before Josh had hanged himself. He'd only lasted eight weeks.

"Just bad luck?" he said, staring at the wall in front of him. He wondered why he was even surprised. His whole life had been a series of misfortunes, "That figures."

"Yeah... bad luck I guess" nodded Kyle.

They sat in silence for a few minutes with Josh wiping at his eyes every now and then in an angry way. He was angry with himself for being so weak.

"I don't think I'm strong enough to do this deal" he blurted out suddenly, "To go through with it... It wasn't part of the plan and... and I'm scared it's gonna screw things up." He rubbed his face in his hands again. "I mean, I'm clearly cursed... If something's gonna go wrong, it's gonna be because of me... I'm gonna get everyone killed, aren’t I?!"

"No, you're not!" said Kyle, "You just have to keep it together... I'm gonna help you"

"I don't see how it's gonna work" said Josh.

"The Feds want to bring down the drug dealers in this prison... right?"

Josh just nodded.

"Well then, like I told you earlier, we're gonna hand them all of them... not just Smithy... Kwon and his gang too... We're gonna take them all down."

"You really think we can pull this off?" asked Josh, looking more than a little dubious. He'd voiced his concerns earlier too, but Kyle seemed absolutely convinced.

"Yeah, I do...” said Kyle, “…but I need you to pull it together"

"What if they see through me?" he asked, "I'm a mess, Kyle. You know that! They'll see that I'm lying".

"They won't" Kyle assured him. He razzled Josh's hair a little and pulled his head over so it was resting on his shoulder. "Just do what I tell you to do." he said, “Okay?”

He smiled a little. He couldn't help thinking about Aaron and what he would have thought of all this. He knew that he would have been worried. He'd have been trying to talk him out of taking such a big risk. Nagging him and counselling caution! But he wasn't here… For the first time in weeks, he wasn’t here! It felt strange. On the one hand, he missed him, but on the other, he was relieved to be on his own again. He knew that seeing his dead boyfriend wasn’t normal. Touching and kissing him certainly wasn’t! He’d definitely gone a bit mad for a while there and he was well aware of that. He wasn’t far enough gone for him not to realise that though. Truth be told, he’d been quite worried about himself! That’s what had made his chat with the ‘Welfare Officer’ earlier so amusing. Keith had come to speak to him in the garden today to make sure that he was on board with the plan. Josh had assured them that he was going to play ball but it seemed that they weren’t so sure. He’d gotten the impression that they were worried about Josh’s mental stability, and whether he’d be able to go through with the plan or not. As it turned out now, they’d been right to be worried! Josh really was falling apart! There was also the simple fact that they needed his connection to the Braxtons to make things seem believable. Without him the whole plan was likely to fall apart. He’d said yes, of course. They’d offered him a good deal. That was certainly true. But that wasn’t why he was doing this. He needed to feel that his time in prison hadn’t been wasted. If he could do some good while he was here, then he wanted that. If that meant getting killed, then so be it!

Josh leaned his head on Kyle's shoulder and let out a tired sigh. He was surprised at the feeling of relief and comfort washing over him. This was the closest that he'd allowed anyone to be to him since Alexei, but somehow it didn't feel threatening. Having Kyle’s arm around him almost felt nice. Protective even...

“You really think we’ll pull this off?” he asked again.

“Yeah, I do” said Kyle, with a decisive little nod, "Kwon and his gang don't know anything about you …and they don't know who the Braxtons are either... not really.  I say we sell them the same story that we've sold Smithy..."

"But what if they find out?" he asked quietly, "What if they do their own digging?"

"Then they'll see that Brax has a really good cover story" he said, giving Josh's shoulder a squeeze, "And a restaurant as a front... If Smithy thinks it's true, so will they. They'll see what we want them to see..."

"So, I just front up, and offer them a deal?" said Josh, cringing at the thought of it.

"You just tell them that you're not buying their crap" he said, "You hand them back their pills and you tell them if they want some better stuff that you might be able to hook them up."

"They're just gonna kill me" snorted Josh, "You know that, right?!"

"No, they won't" said Kyle, "Business is business... That's all it is... They'll be interested...You'll see."

"Then you step in?" he asked.

"Yeah, then you tell them to come see me." said Kyle. For some reason, he didn't feel nervous about any of this stuff. Maybe it was because he didn't really care if he died? The person he wanted to be with was dead and he was never coming back. Maybe some part of him wanted to die too? Maybe he wanted to go and spend eternity with Aaron in his garden centre. He imagined him there among the bright and beautiful flowers, working with his hands like he'd always wanted. Maybe he did want to die? Or maybe it was just that he had nothing to lose.

"What if they kill you too?" asked Josh, suddenly looking up at him with fear in his eyes.

"They won't" he reassured him.

"What about Keith?" asked Josh, "What if he's not happy? What if this screws up our deal?"

"It won't" said Kyle, "This'll be an even bigger bust for them..."

"I guess" sighed Josh. He wasn’t so sure, but there wasn’t going to be time to talk to him about it.

"We just have to get things lined up with Brax" said Kyle. Keith had told him that Brax was going to play ball. The Feds had already spoken to him and it was all lined up! He wondered how they'd gotten him on board with all of this and he wondered what Ricky thought about it! He figured he’d find out tomorrow.