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Harmony


Ludub

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Thanks once again to Kristen, KittCatt, and ~JarlieFanEver~ for the lovely comments. This chapter is a bit more dark than usual but I hope you like it!

WARNING: Very Adult Themes. No explicit violence or bad language, but this chapter is extremely dark, so you have been warned! :wink:

 

Chapter 11

 

He ran his hand gently over the skin on her naked back, struck by the beauty of her tanned skin, and smiled as he traced the tan-lines on her flesh. They’d had so much fun at the waterpark yesterday and she’d looked so beautiful in her bikini, splashing around with him in the water. He couldn’t understand why she hated tan-lines so much, he thought they were beautiful. He leaned down and kissed her on the shoulder. She was still sleeping but she began to stir a little, and mumbled something about ice cream, which made him laugh.

Sunlight was pouring in the window and he could see that it was already bright and sunny outside and that it was going to be a hot day. Their apartment was tiny, with only one room that had a kitchenette, a double bed, and a wardrobe all crammed in, with a poky little bathroom stuck off to the side. They’d laughed when they’d first moved in that they really could have breakfast in bed. Kyle only had to crawl to the end of the bed, and he could fill and boil the kettle from there, as well as reach the fridge. It was cramped, to say the least, but it was all they really needed. They didn’t need much, as long as they had each other.

He looked down at her, as she slept face down on the mattress beside him, and thought how lucky he was to have her. This was the first time in his life that he’d felt like he had somewhere to belong, someone to care about him, and someone to worry about him when he wasn’t there. He’d never had that before. He’d bounced from foster home to foster home, and though the people had been kind, he’d never really felt like he was there to stay. Sure enough, each time he began to find his feet and start to form attachments to the people around him, he’d be moved along. He’d find himself in a new house, with new people that he didn’t know, and have to start all over again. He’d learnt not to get too comfortable or to try too hard to be liked. Nothing was ever for keeps.

This girl he’d only known for a few months, had given him a sense of ‘home’ for the first time in his life, but truth be told, she’d given him so much more than that... She’d been like a breath of fresh air, making him lighten up for once and take himself a little less seriously. He’d opened up to her and let her see the real ‘him’, something that frightened him more than anything in the world. He’d spent years in foster care carefully crafting a persona that allowed him to keep people at arm’s length, so he couldn’t get hurt any more than he already had been. He played the part of some dark brooding type, who spent his time frowning in the corner with his guitar, pretending he was too cool for school. In reality he was just a scared teenage boy, with no-one to love him, who was terrified of opening his heart to anyone for fear of having it broken. She’d come in like a whirlwind, breaking down all his defences, and knocked him off his feet. He liked who he was when he was with her.

He leaned down and began to kiss the skin on her shoulder with light little kisses. She kept her eyes closed and pretended she was still sleeping, but he could see her shiver a little with each kiss, and he could see the smile that had crept onto her face. He worked his way over to the back of her neck, and slowly down the middle of her back, until she started to giggle. She was always ticklish and he knew this would wake her up. She turned over, laughing breathlessly, and reached for his face. She pulled him back up the bed towards her, gazing into his soft brown eyes and gave him a kiss on the lips, giggling and wriggling underneath him as he began to tickle her. He pushed himself up on both arms so he was hovering above her and gave her a huge white smile.

“Morning gorgeous!” he said, leaning down and lightly kissing her on the neck. In between each kiss he asked “Wanna do something today? … or do you just want to stay in bed?”

She smiled at him a little mischievously, and pulled him down onto the bed beside her. She rolled over so she was sitting on top of him and began running her fingers down his chest. She looked down at this boy, who was gazing up at her with such love and adoration in his eyes, and said “Oh I think we can find things to do right here, don’t you?”

 

*****

Kyle woke to the stabbing pain in his chest with a start, unsure of where he was or what was going on. He was lying down for a start, which was never a good sign. For the last four years he’d slept in a sitting position, and normally if he woke up stretched out on his back it meant that he was in hospital.  Lying fully stretched out was more painful than any other position he could think of and something that he avoided at all cost.  The room was dark, but as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he recognised the lampshade above his head and realised that it was the spare bed in the babies’ room. Memories of the argument with Tamara flooded back into his mind. She’d left him three days ago and taken the boys with her. He gave a heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes with his good hand. He started to try to sit up and was suddenly very aware of the wound on his stomach. This pain was different from the pain in his chest that he’d become so familiar with. This was burning intensely and felt tight like it might burst. It felt like the abdominal muscles surrounding it had simply seized and he couldn’t make them work anymore. He tried to think if there was a way to get out of the bed without hurting himself more than he had to. He needed to go and find his pills. He was going to have to try to swing his legs out of bed and hoist himself up that way. He took a deep breath and tried to summon the courage, knowing that moving at all was going to be excruciatingly painful. He counted down, 3, 2, 1 and then threw his legs out of the bed to bring himself into a sitting position.  Everything went white for a moment as the pain rushed through his body and he had to hold on to the side of the bed to keep himself from fainting. Standing up was going to be another challenge but he thought he’d give himself a moment to gather himself.

He looked around the boys’ bedroom with a deep sadness, seeing their empty cots, with their toys scattered around the room. He thought how empty his life would be without them. Looking down at his stomach, he pulled up his t-shirt and recoiled at the extent of the damage.  This wreck of a man wasn’t the father his boys deserved. Apart from the bandage that was hiding that ugly wound, his stomach was a patchwork of bruises in all different shades. They were layered one on top of the other, evidence of weeks and weeks of physical abuse. And that was only his stomach... He had bruises up and down both legs, so deep and dark that he was scared to look at them. He had welts on his back that he hadn’t brought himself to look at in the mirror yet, but he knew that they were probably even worse. His body was bruised and battered like he’d been in a car crash, and he didn’t think it could take much more.

Looking around for Phoebe, who was absent for the first time in months, he breathed a sigh of relief. It was quiet. In the blessed silence, he was able to organise his thoughts without interruption, and see things clearly for the first time in a long time. Looking again at the deep bruises on his stomach, he knew that he was a sick man and that he was going to die if he didn’t get help. He knew it would probably mean spending time in a psychiatric unit and that he might even lose Tamara over it, but if he was going to have any hope of being a father to these boys he would have to take his chances. He decided that he would phone Nate.

He looked around for his phone and felt in the pockets of the jeans that he was still wearing from days before. It wasn’t there… With a flash, he remembered that he’d left it on the ground outside the Surf Club. He hadn’t ventured out since Tamara had left him and the last couple of days seemed to have gone past in a blur. He couldn’t remember much of anything. He’d have to go to the hospital in person and ask to speak to Nate.

Taking a deep breath again, he prepared to get to his feet, but before he could stand up, a hand reached over his shoulder and dragged him back down. He jumped nearly a mile high with the shock, and turned to see Phoebe in the bed beside him. She was stripped down to her underwear and raised her eyebrows at him with a mischievous smile “Morning Lover! How was it for you?” she giggled.

He leapt to his feet, ignoring the pain that raged through his body, as his heart thundered in his chest. Blanching white and cringing in disgust, he realised that his jeans and belt were undone. Propping herself up on one elbow, she grinned at him and walked her fingers across the bedsheets in a way that might have been seductive if she hadn’t looked like a rotting corpse. “Well, Kylie… looks like you had it in you after all!”

His stomach churned as he looked at her, with her purple mottled skin and bloodshot eyes, and he retched at the thought of her touching him like that. The injuries he’d read about in the coroner’s report were laid out now for him to see, plain as day, and he couldn’t stop looking at them, no matter how hard he tried. He’d look away, trying to get his breathing under control and ease the rising tide of nausea in his stomach, but his eyes would be dragged back involuntarily and he’d see those marks all over her body. The hand-shaped bruises on her neck, the rope burns on her wrists, the cigarette burns all over her arms and legs, and the bruising to her stomach and inner thighs… He knew what Tank had done, but seeing it here in front of him, etched all over her body, was more than he could take. He began to vomit.  

“What’s wrong Kylie?” asked Phoebe, watching him as he got sick. She was sitting up on the side of the bed now and swinging her feet back and forth. She tilted her head and looked at him in a flirtatious way. “Don’t tell me I’m not your type anymore?”

Looking up at her again, as she smirked at him, he began to cry as he remembered his dream and how beautiful she’d been. They’d been two teenage kids, renting their first place together that summer, and everything had seemed so full of hope and possibilities. She’d been so bright, and joyful, and full of life. This cruel and twisted living corpse wasn’t Phoebe! He wondered what was wrong with him that he could imagine her like this. What kind of person would create a vision like this? He knew that he needed to get help before it was too late…

He glanced at the doorway, wondering if he could make a run for it. He needed to find help one way or another. He couldn’t stay here with her… not anymore. Maybe he could make it to Nate’s house before she caught up with him? He looked back at Phoebe who’d got to her feet and was walking towards him. She slipped her arms around his waist and said, “You weren’t thinking of running out on me now, were you Kylie? I’m not a one-night stand kind of girl!”

 

*****

 

Kyle stood in the shower, scrubbing his skin raw, as Phoebe sat on her perch on top of the toilet watching him. He needed to wash the feel of her hands and the smell of her flesh off his skin. He felt violated and sick to his stomach at the thought of what she’d done. He knew that she was laughing at him as he stood there inside the cubicle, feeling more exposed and vulnerable than ever before. He’d even had to plead with her not to come in there with him and she’d ridiculed him for it. He tried with everything he had to tell himself that she wasn’t there, and that she didn’t exist, but every time he glanced through the steamed up glass of the shower cubicle he was met with her icy stare. He could feel her eyes on him with every move he made.

Getting out of the shower he tried not to make eye contact with her and pulled his towel around him quickly, shaking with fear as he walked past her. He opened the door to the hallway and made his way to the bedroom to get dressed, aware of the footsteps behind him as she followed him down the hall. He wished he could get rid of her just for a moment. This was unbearable.

Pulling his jeans on over his bruised legs, he looked around for a clean t-shirt and remembered that Tamara had left a stack of clean laundry out in the living-room. He wouldn’t normally walk about undressed, for fear of Tamara seeing his bruises, but he knew she was at her mum’s so he thought he could be quick and nip out to get one. As he crossed the living-room, he stopped dead in his tracks and his heart skipped a beat, as he saw Andy peering in the window with his mouth hanging open in shock.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide this now. Phoebe was standing by the door with her hands on her hips and looking at him with a fury he’d never seen before. On the one hand, he was terrified of what Phoebe would do, but on the other, he wanted this to be over. Maybe this was his chance?  As he made his way to the door, he pulled on his t-shirt, and tried to tune out Phoebe’s taunts. He hoped that she was wrong. He hoped that he’d get to come home from the mental hospital someday. He hoped that Tamara wouldn’t leave him and that he’d get to be a father to his boys. He hoped that they wouldn’t fry his brain and that they wouldn’t leave him drooling like some kind of basket case. He hoped that he could have a life without Phoebe in it, and learn to be normal again. Maybe Andy could get him the help that he needed?

He opened the door to Andy and hung his head in shame as his friend walked in and sat down on one of the armchairs. He walked over and lowered himself carefully onto the seat of the sofa. He flinched as Phoebe leaned down behind him and hung her arms around his neck, whispering in his ear “Think long and hard about this, Kylie. You can’t put the cat back in the bag once you’ve let it out!”

Andy sat forward in the armchair and laced his fingers together with his elbows on his knees. He was looking at him with eyes full of concern but clearly struggling to know what to say. He cleared his throat and said, “What… what have you done to yourself, mate?”

Kyle looked up at Phoebe’s face, as she hung over his shoulder, and saw the cruel smile on her face. Her words were ringing in his ears and he was beginning to lose his nerve. What if she was right? What if he did never get to see the boys again?!

Looking at the ground and trying not to make eye contact with Andy, he said, “Um… It’s from the accident in the city. The bruises are still healing.” He shifted uncomfortably in the seat and let out a small groan as he pulled at the stitches on his stomach. “It’s nothing for you to worry about” he added.

“Mate, I can tell you now, I am worried.” said Andy, moving over to the sofa beside Kyle. In an uncharacteristic show of affection, he touched Kyle on the arm and leaned around him to look him in the eye, “We all care about you, mate… I think you and I both know that a lot of those injuries are new… Now, I don’t know what you’ve been doing to yourself but we can get you some help…”

Phoebe put her hands around Kyle’s throat and pressed lightly making him feel short of breath. She pulled her head in against his and put her mouth to his ear. His heart nearly stopped when he heard her say, “If you do this, Kyle, I swear to you, I’ll hurt your boys… and you won’t be here to stop me.”

Starting to sweat and finding it hard to breathe, he looked at Andy with fear in his eyes. “I haven’t been doing anything to myself, Andy, really!”

“Then let me see your stomach, Kyle.” said Andy, starting to pull Kyle’s t-shirt up. “I can’t ignore this…”

Kyle leapt to his feet and tugged his t-shirt back down. “What are you doing?!” shouted Kyle, breathing heavily, “It’s none of your business, okay?! …I want you to leave now, Andy! Get out!”

Andy got to his feet and put his hands up in front of him, “Okay, okay, Kyle… I’m going, I’m going… but I’m going to call Nate.” He walked towards the door and turned to look back at Kyle before he left. “You know, I just care about you, mate... After everything we’ve been through together, everything you did for us, I want you to know that you’re family to me. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I’m always gonna have your back, no matter what”.

Kyle watched Andy leave, feeling like he’d just thrown away the only opportunity to save himself that he was ever going to get. He sat back down on the couch and breathed a heavy sigh of defeat as Phoebe stood over him with a sadistic grin on her face. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes and his whole body started to shudder.

She crouched down, putting her hands on his knees, and smiled at him in a sickeningly sweet way. “That was too close for comfort, Kylie. I think your Auntie Phoebe needs to teach you to keep that mouth of yours shut!”

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Thanks a million to KittCatt, Kristen, ~JarlieFanEver~, and Suzza101 for the feedback, much appreciated. Hope you like this chapter! :P

 

Chapter 12

 

“You think he’s self-harming?!” asked Nate, standing in the corridor at the hospital. It was a busy day already, but with a multiple vehicle RTC coming in shortly, it was about to get even busier. He was feeling under pressure and didn’t really have time for this. He knew that Kyle had been going through hard times, and had told him some pretty worrying things when he’d last spoken to him, but he couldn’t break patient confidentiality by speaking to Andy about it. In any case, he had far too much going on to be dealing with friends just wandering in off the street. Trying not to sound too dismissive, he asked, “Did he admit that to you?!”

“No, he didn’t admit it Nate… but yeah, I think he’s hurting himself” said Andy, nodding and pulling at the hair at the back of his head in a worried sort of way. “Mate, you should see his stomach… and his chest” he said, gesturing with a swirling motion of his hand that it was all over Kyle’s torso. “He’s covered in bruises, really bad ones… and he’s got a huge bandage on his stomach too that he wouldn’t let me see. He looks like he was hit by a bus!”

“And he didn’t give you any explanation?” asked Nate, checking a chart at the Nurses’ station, and then looking back at Andy impatiently. He really didn’t have time for this today and while he cared about Kyle, mainly because he meant so much to Ricky, he couldn’t afford to be seen loitering in the hallway chatting with his mates. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d earned himself another suspension for getting overly invested in his friends’ problems and breaking the rules for them. It certainly hadn’t gone unnoticed and he felt like he was on shaky ground with his superiors.  Besides, if this really was a mental health issue then it wasn’t exactly his field of expertise.

Andy realised that Nate wasn’t biting and gave him a pleading look. “Kyle said it was from the accident when he and Tamara were in the city… when he broke his wrist” said Andy, shaking his head in disbelief, “but that was weeks ago… I’m telling you, these were fresh bruises! Lots of them, all over… I’m really worried. I don’t know what’s wrong with him… but he has to be hurting himself or something!”

Nate checked his watch, painfully aware that he was running late. “I’m not a psychiatrist, Andy. If that’s what you really think then you need to get him to come in… or call an ambulance…” said Nate. As he started to back away down the hallway, he shouted back to him, “I’ve really gotta go, Andy I’m sorry!” He felt a little guilty when he saw the look of disappointment on Andy’s face, and he knew that Ricky wouldn’t be happy about it either if she found out, so he stopped and pulled out his phone to check his work schedule. Tilting his head and looking at Andy in sympathy, he said, “Look, I’m on a late shift here tonight but… I don’t start till the afternoon tomorrow. I can look in on him before I come in if you think it can wait till then… Maybe just keep an eye on him in the meantime, yeah?”

“Okay, thanks Nate” said Andy, nodding gratefully. He didn’t want Kyle to be dragged in kicking and screaming if there was a gentler, more persuasive way to do it. Calling an ambulance for him conjured up images of men arriving with white coats to put him in a straitjacket, and that was the last thing that Andy wanted for Kyle. He hoped that Nate might be able to convince him that he needed help, and get him to come in here of his own volition. It was worth a try.

He puffed out a deep breath and decided to head back to Kyle’s house to check in on him. He was going to make sure that Kyle was okay, and not causing himself more harm, whether he was welcome there or not…

 

*****

Kyle jumped when he heard the knock at the door and his heart leapt in the hope that this would be the end of it. He wriggled in the chair and tried to shout but all he could get out was a low muffle. He watched as Andy put his hands against the glass to block the light, and stared in the window. “Kyle!” he shouted, “Kyle, mate, it’s Andy! Can you let me in!”

“Mmmmm mmmmmm” shouted Kyle, wondering why Andy hadn’t seen him sitting here in plain view of the living-room window. “Mmmmm!” he tried again hoping that he would hear him. He was finding it hard to breathe with all this bandaging gauze in his mouth and he was risking choking himself as he tried to shout. His chest was hurting even more than usual, with his arms thrown back in this position, and more than anything he wanted Andy to burst in and save the day. This was all too reminiscent of that day with Tank, and he was fighting the rising panic in his chest, as he remembered the last time he’d been tied to a chair like this. He glanced at Phoebe who was sitting in the armchair beside him, with one leg thrown over the arm of the chair, kicking her foot and wearing a self-satisfied smile on her face. She raised her eyebrows at him and got up from the chair. “Let’s go see what Andrew wants, eh Kylie?!”

He watched in fear and surprise as she sauntered over to the door and swung it open. “Andrew!” she exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear and threw her arms around him excitedly. “It’s so good to see you!”  she said, hugging him tightly and rocking him from side to side.

Andy untangled himself from the arms thrown around him and stepped back a little to take a better look at the grinning face in front of him. Andy’s face took on a quizzical look and he tilted his head in concern. “Um… oh-kay?!” he said, sounding confused, “Are you alright? You seem… different”

“Mmmmmmm!” shouted Kyle, trying to get his attention. He couldn’t understand how Andy could see Phoebe this time, when he’d never been able to before. But he figured if he could see her now, then she’d be able to hurt him too, and he was worried for Andy’s sake. He didn’t want him getting dragged into this whole sorry mess.

“I’m fine and dandy… Andy! …Hey, that rhymes!” she said, giggling and grabbing Andy’s arm to drag him through the door. “Why don’t I make us both a cup of coffee and we can have a nice chat!” said Phoebe, skipping off to the kitchen while Andy sat down in an armchair. Andy looked around the room, looking a little nervous, and craned his neck to see where his friend had gone.

Phoebe reappeared carrying a tray with cups of coffee and set it on the table. She picked up one of the cups and handed it to Andy before sitting down on the couch in the spot closest to him. She picked up her cup, smiling brightly at Andy, and asked “So, what can I do for you, Andy?”

Kyle stared at Andy, as he sat there in the armchair, pouring milk in his coffee and stirring it with a teaspoon. He seemed to be playing along with Phoebe and hadn’t acknowledged the fact that Kyle was sitting there tied to a chair. Kyle couldn’t understand it. He moaned loudly, and struggled at the ropes on the chair, but Andy seemed determined to ignore him. He guessed that Andy was biding his time and would find some way to free him once he’d overpowered Phoebe. At least that’s what he hoped because the alternative was just too terrible to contemplate. Tears rolled down his face, as the fear, and the pain, and the frustration got the better of him. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

Andy looked very confused, as he looked at his friend, who was grinning from ear to ear in a slightly maniacal way. Smiling a little in return, he ran his thumb around the rim of his coffee cup, and said “I just wanted to duck my head in and check that everything was okay. I was a bit worried about you.” He took a gulp of coffee, playing along, and trying to make this as normal an exchange as possible. He could see now that things were very far from normal, and he wondered how they hadn’t noticed before, and how they’d let things get this far. He thought he’d take the ‘softly softly’ approach, and hoped that he’d be allowed to stay for a bit longer this time. He wanted to try to have a proper talk about things, and see if he could understand what had really been going on.

“Oh there’s no need to worry, Andy!” said Phoebe, smiling at him again. “Everything’s fine here” she said, glancing at Kyle with a malicious smirk. Kyle rolled his eyes to look up at the ceiling as he tried to bring his breathing under control. He was in a world of pain now, with his shoulders held back in an unnatural position that put strain on his ribcage, and he didn’t think he could cope with it for much longer. This was like his worst nightmare come true, to be back in this chair, powerless to do anything, and unable to speak. He’d had recurring nightmares like this for years, waking in a cold sweat and screaming the house down… Only now it was happening for real. He sobbed quietly as he listened to them making chit chat, while he sat there in agony, and wondered why Andy seemed in no rush to help him. It didn’t look like he was going to make his move any time soon, and if truth be told, he was starting to feel angry and resentful. How could he just sit there drinking coffee and let him suffer like this?!

“You seem a bit different” said Andy, drinking the last of his coffee and returning the cup to the tray on the coffee table. “You’re okay with me being here now? You don’t want me to leave?”

“Why would I want you to leave, Andy?” laughed Phoebe, jumping up to sit on the back of the couch with her feet on the seat. “We haven’t had a proper talk in ages! What’s new with you, Barrett?!”

He glanced up at the figure balanced precariously on the back of the couch and shook his head slowly with real concern. He worried that the couch could tip backwards at any moment. “Can you get down from there? You might hurt yourself with the shape you’re in” he said, standing up. He shook his head as he realised that he was feeling dizzy.

He sat down, and shook his head again, as though it might be some sort of inner ear imbalance that he could somehow put right if he just shook his head enough. He sat back in the chair and took a number of deep breaths, becoming aware of a sick and heavy feeling in his stomach. He looked up at his friend perched on the back of the couch and wondered why they were so out of focus. He tried to clear his fuzzy vision, but the more he thought about it, the worse it seemed to get. Without warning, the world was spinning like a merry-go-round, with a swirl of bright colours and distorted sounds. “I… I…fffeeel abit ssssstrange” he managed to slur, suddenly feeling like his tongue was much too large for his mouth and that he couldn’t form the words properly.

He tried to get up, but as soon as he was on his feet, he staggered forward as though his whole sense of balance was out of kilter. He put his hand out to steady himself but his legs buckled under him, and he found himself down on his knees, gripping onto the edge of the coffee table beside the armchair. “Wah… what… what the…” he stammered, as the room spun round and round, and quickly picked up momentum. He tried to stay upright but he could feel a heaviness taking over his body, and his grip on the edge of the table slipped, as his world went black…

Kyle watched in horror as Andy collapsed on the floor and Phoebe got down on her knees beside him. She looked up at Kyle, with eyes shining cruelly, and began to giggle. She lifted one of Andy’s eyelids, revealing the white of his rolled back eye, and turned to grin at Kyle. “Looks like your sleepy little friend needs a nap!”

 

*****

Tamara bounced Tommy on her knee and clapped his hands together as she sang to him softly. “If you’re happy and you know it… Clap your hands!” She looked up and smiled, feeling a little self-conscious when she spotted Kat standing in the doorway with one eyebrow raised at her, mocking her in a light-hearted way. She had that bemused smile where she only raised one side of her mouth, and she was obviously pretty tickled by Tamara’s singing ability, or lack thereof! It was something Kyle always used to tease her about, and something she always pretended to be offended about. She knew that she couldn’t sing but she didn’t really care. Tamara giggled a little and said “Yeah, well, we can’t all sing like angels!”

Kat walked back into the living-room, with two big mugs of tea and a packet of very indulgent chocolate biscuits, and set them down on the coffee table with a smile. Jamie and Sophie were both fast asleep, having an afternoon nap, but the twins would rarely sleep at the same time, which was pretty infuriating.

Tamara repositioned Tommy on her knee, and picked up one of the mugs of tea. She held the mug and stared down into it for a moment before bursting into tears. She set down the mug and wiped angrily at the tears flooding down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Kat! I’m just such a mess!” she sniffled.

Kat got up and came over to Tamara, kneeling down in front of her, and said, “Hey, I know it’s hard. It’s okay to cry… Everyone needs to cry sometimes.” She lifted Tommy off Tamara’s knee and set him on the floor beside some building blocks and other toys that Tamara had brought with her. “Have you spoken to him since you left?” she asked, tilting her head sympathetically.

“No” sobbed Tamara. “His phone has gone dead and I’ve been too afraid to go over there.” She wiped at her face with the sleeve of her top and sniffled loudly. “He really scared me the other day… I mean, I really thought he was going to hit me.”

Kat looked at her in shock. She knew that Tamara and Kyle had had a huge fight, and that Tamara had taken the boys to her parent’s house, but she’d never imagined that it had been because of anything physical. Kyle had never seemed like the type to get violent with a woman. He also seemed so frail these days, and so thin and fragile with that broken wrist, that it was hard to imagine him having the strength to hurt anyone. “Did he hit you?” she asked, with real concern in her eyes.

“No… he hit the wall” she said, blinking back tears. “He hit it over and over till his knuckles were bleeding… but it was right beside my head!”

Kat put her hands on Tamara’s knees and looked up into her tear-filled eyes. “You did the right thing, Tam… Take it from me! I had an abusive boyfriend and it always starts out that way. They see how much you’ll take and then they push it just a little bit further the next time…. He’ll punch the wall first, and then he’ll punch you… He’ll say he’s sorry and you’ll forgive him… The next time he’ll hit you a few more times, maybe a punch, maybe a few kicks… and before you know it, you’re allowing him to beat you all the time. It becomes normal, and you tell yourself that you deserve it…” She reached up and caressed Tamara’s cheek gently, “You did the right thing… You have to walk away…”

“Kyle’s not like that” said Tamara, shaking her head and clenching her eyes shut. “Really, he’s not, Kat… I think he’s ill… I think he’s really ill! …There’s something wrong… but he won’t talk to me about it!”

Tamara lowered her voice to a whisper and stared down at the ground, looking embarrassed and uncomfortable. “We haven’t slept together for so long… It’s like he’s ashamed of his body… He won’t let me touch him and he sleeps with all his clothes on… I think there’s something seriously wrong... I think he’s hearing voices or something…”

“Oh God, Tam, I had no idea that things had got so bad!” said Kat, leaning in for a hug. “I feel so bad… for both of you” she said, hugging her friend tightly and rocking her back and forth.

“I mean, what if it’s a brain tumour or something like that?!” cried Tamara, with her eyes full of fear. “What if he’s really sick and I’ve just been ignoring it all this time? …Kat… I’ve known there was something wrong for months! ...I’ve just been burying my head in the sand all this time... afraid to face it.” She covered her face with both hands and began to cry inconsolably. “It’s like he’s not even Kyle anymore! I just really miss him!”

Kat gently squeezed Tamara’s knees and said, “Oh God, Tam! …We have to get him to see a doctor.”

Tamara nodded and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. “I’m going to go over there in the morning and try to talk to him” she said, nodding decisively.

“Do you want me to come with you?” asked Kat, sounding worried. “Or take Andy with you?”

“No, I want to do this on my own.” she said, sitting up straighter and giving a loud sigh. “He’s my husband and I love him… I’ve made a decision! If I can’t get him to come with me to the hospital, I’m going to call an ambulance and make him go.” She patted Kat’s hand and gave her a half-smile. “Can I leave the boys with you?”

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Thanks to Kristen, ~JarlieFanEver~, and KittCatt for the lovely comments. As always much appreciated! I really hope you like this chapter :P

*** WARNING: ADULT THEMES AND VIOLENCE ***

Chapter 13

 

“Mrrrrhhhhhmmmm” cried Andy, as he woke up face down on the floor in Kyle’s living-room. He lifted his head and stared around in fear, slowly becoming aware of just how much discomfort he was in. He realised that he’d been ‘hog-tied’ and was lying on his chest on the floor, unable to get up. His hands were tied behind him with cable-ties, and his ankles were bound with electrical wire and pulled up behind him. It was making it very hard for him to breathe properly and he knew immediately that he wouldn’t be able to free himself. The cable-ties had been pulled so tightly that they were cutting into his flesh and his hands had gone completely numb. He tried to lower his legs, desperately trying to ease the tightness in his abdomen, but he quickly realised that his shoulders might dislocate if he moved too much. His heart thumped so hard in his chest, from the panic, that he thought it might burst. The gag in his mouth was all too familiar and sent shivers down his spine when he thought back to that day with Tank. His head felt clouded and fuzzy, and as he tried to remember what had happened, he drew a blank.  He gazed around the living-room wondering where Kyle was, and who had taken them hostage this time.

He jumped as Phoebe skipped back into the living-room, whistling the Duelling Banjos music from Deliverance, with a huge grin on her face. She crouched down in front of Andy, putting her hands on her thighs, and peered into his face. He blanched white with shock as he looked into the big brown eyes of his best friend. “Evening, sleepy head!” chirped Phoebe, “Glad you could join us, Mr Barrett! You had a pretty long afternoon nap, didn’t you?! I was beginning to get a little worried that I might have overdosed you. That would have been a pity, wouldn’t it?!”

“Mrrrhhhhhmmm” he cried, looking up at his captor with pleading eyes. In some ways this was more frightening than when Tank had held him hostage, partly because it was coming on the back of the trauma he’d suffered the last time, and partly because this time it was a friend who was doing it. He’d never felt so betrayed. How could someone he cared about hurt him like this?!

Kyle watched from across the room as Phoebe grabbed Andy’s hair, to turn his head, and make him look at her. With his arms tied behind him like that, it was clear that she was hurting him, and taking sadistic pleasure in seeing him in pain. Watching his friend suffering in this way was somehow worse than anything she could do to him. Pain had become such a normal part of his life, and something he’d grown accustomed to, but he couldn’t stand to hear Andy scream. Besides, Andy didn’t deserve to suffer like this, none of this was Andy’s fault.  Unlike him!  In many ways, he thought he did deserve to be punished like this and didn’t really blame Phoebe for anything that she’d done to him.

Andy was a different story. He hated having to watch this whole thing unfold in front of him, unable to help, and feeling utterly powerless to stop it. He’d watched as Phoebe had dragged Andy’s unconscious body across the room and tried in vain to lift him. In the end, she hadn’t been strong enough, and she’d clutched at her ribs in pain when she’d tried. Giving up on that, she’d gone hunting in the storage cupboard, and hauled out a big metal toolbox that had once belonged to Brax. She’d teased him for even owning a toolbox, saying that he was clearly such a poor excuse for a man that he’d hardly have much clue how to use anything.  She’d rifled through the box until she’d turned up a packet of large cable-ties and a spool of electrical wire, and then she’d turned and given him a malicious smile. He’d tried to free himself to help Andy, but he’d been tied there for so long now that he couldn’t feel his arms anymore, and in the end, he’d given up all hope. All he could do was watch.

He watched as she let go of Andy’s hair, and stood up again, towering over him. “Well, Andy, I’m so glad you came back to see us. Things were getting a little boring here with just the two of us rattling about this house. Kyle’s a little boring to be around sometimes!” she said, laughing as she made eye contact with Kyle across the room.

Andy stared up at the figure towering over him, with a look of confusion, and wondered at the use of the third person. He’d said “The two of us”. As he looked at his friend, hovering above him, a sick feeling of realisation swept over him like someone had just kicked him in the stomach. This was Kyle, but it wasn’t ‘Kyle’. It was like he was someone else, like he’d been possessed by someone much more upbeat, but sadistic and cruel at the same time. He’d never seen Kyle smile so much, and the demented look that it gave his face was very unsettling. As he listened to him babble on, it became clear that Kyle seemed to think that there were three of them in that room. He would even turn sometimes, and shout to the far side of the room, talking to thin air.  What was really going on?! Was this a drug-induced psychosis? Could it be something like a brain tumour? A mental breakdown? A demonic possession?! Whatever it was, he hoped that someone would come and help him soon, before he really got hurt, or things got even more out of hand. His hands were completely numb now and he wondered if he’d ever have the use of them again. Lying here, on this floor, at the mercy of a crazy person, he felt that same sense of terror he’d experienced in the hands of Tank. There was a volatility with this type of crazy, and he was terrified of what might happen before someone turned up to check on them. He could see from the fading light outside that it was getting late and he was due home around 10pm. His only hope was that Kat’s police instincts would kick in, when he didn’t come home, and that she’d come looking for him, preferably armed. He really couldn’t see how he was going to get out of this otherwise.

Suddenly there was a beep as a text message came through on Andy’s phone. Phoebe spun around with a cruel smile on her face and crouched down beside Andy again. Putting her hand in his trouser pocket, she laughed as he flinched and pulled away a little. “Oh, don’t mind me!” she said, in a flirtatious tone. ”A lot of men would pay good money for this!”. Finding nothing in the pocket nearest her, she reached across him and rummaged in his other pocket, while leaning her face in close to his. She giggled as she saw him pull away, uncomfortable with how close she was, and planted a kiss on his gagged mouth. Snorting with laughter at the look of shock on his face, she finally found what she was looking for and pulled out his phone. “Kat wants to know whether to stay up and wait for you, or if you’ll be late home and she should go to bed?” said Phoebe, glancing down at Andy’s face, now full of defeat. “I think we should let her know that you won’t be home tonight, don’t you?” she said smiling sweetly, “Wouldn’t want her worrying her pretty little head now, would we?”

Tears began to run down Andy’s face, as he watched his friend type a message into his phone and he contemplated a night spent lying on this floor, tied up like this. The pain was overwhelming and it was taking everything he had not to lose his mind. He just wanted to pass out and wake up when it was all over… or not wake up at all. Staring up into the face of his friend, this person that he’d trusted up to now, he wondered what was coming next. What did this nutcase have in mind for him? Would he ever get to see Kat and Sophie again, or was he going to die here on the floor of Kyle’s living-room?

Kyle sobbed as he sat on his chair at the other side of the room, watching his friend in so much pain, and wished he could help. Phoebe turned and looked at him with a malicious grin and said, “What about you? Been enjoying the show?” She walked back across the room with a glint in her eye, and took out a cigarette lighter. She walked behind Kyle’s chair and he threw his head backwards to try to see what she was going to do, his eyes popping in fear.

Andy stared in horror, as he watched his friend burn his own hand with the cigarette lighter.  He’d never seen anything so horrible. He had to fight a wave of nausea, terrified that he’d vomit with the gag in his mouth, and choke himself to death. He didn’t understand how someone could do something like that. How could Kyle hurt himself like that? He thought about the bruises all over Kyle’s poor body, layers and layers of them, and shuddered at the thought of what he’d been doing to himself. He felt guilty that he hadn’t seen what was going on. Kyle had been battering himself half to death, for what looked like months, and none of them had noticed a thing. How had he failed his friend so badly? He hoped that a psychiatrist could help, and that maybe, with some therapy and medication, they might be able to get the old Kyle back... But more than anything he just hoped that he wasn’t next, and that he’d make it through this and live to see his loved ones again. He hoped that this ‘Kyle’, whoever he was, wouldn’t hurt him…

 

*****

Tamara stood at the counter in the diner, waiting for the coffee she’d ordered, and secretly hoping that Chris would take his time making it. She was trying to put off going over there for as long as possible. She knew that she had to do it but she was scared. She hadn’t seen him for four whole days now and she was worried about what she might find when she opened that door. She’d called into Angelo’s this morning and she’d been shocked to find out that he hadn’t turned up for work the last few days. The restaurant had been limping by without him, but a lot of the staff had been getting a bit anxious, and a couple of them had even called over to the house looking for him.  He hadn’t answered the door. Ricky had been running things in his absence, but even she hadn’t been able to get hold of him, and was getting worried. He didn’t seem to have his mobile switched on so he hadn’t been answering his texts. She knew that she should have gone to check on him sooner but she’d needed a few days to think, and if truth be told, she was a little frightened of him now. She wasn’t sure how she was going to face him.

“One cappuccino to go” said Chris, setting the red and white takeaway cup down on the counter, and looking at Tamara with a huge white smile. “Haven’t seen you around here for a while, Tamster!”

She furrowed her brow at him and shook her head, pretending to be annoyed at him for the silly nickname. “Thanks Chris” she said, secretly grateful for something to lighten the mood. “I’ve been busy.”

She turned and bumped into Josh and Evie. “Oh, hi guys” she said, surprised to see them. “I thought you were heading back up to Perth last night?”

“Nah, we decided to stay a few more days.” said Josh, giving her a little smile. “We wanted to see if we could sort things out with Kyle before we leave. I don’t like leaving things like this. After everything we went through, I’d hate to think we couldn’t be friends anymore.”

Tamara bit her bottom lip, looking a little worried and said, “Um… I might give Kyle a little bit of space today, Josh. I’m not sure he’s in the right headspace to discuss this with you.”

Evie smiled at Tamara and said, “Okay, w-well, we would like to s-speak to him at some st-stage before we l-leave… I think he’ll be ha-happy to h-hear what we have to s-say”

Tamara gave her a questioning look, wondering what more they had to say to Kyle, but she knew that she had more to be worried about today than the making of that film. She ran her hand through her hair, breathing out a heavy sigh, and said “I’m not sure Kyle is in any mood to be discussing anything with anyone... I’m headed over to check on him now.”

Evie tilted her head to one side and looked at her with concern. She knew that Tamara and Kyle had had a big fight, and she thought that Tamara looked even more stressed than normal. “Do you w-want us to come with you?” she asked.

“No, Evie, I don’t think that would be a good idea at all!” said Tamara, shaking her head adamantly. She would have liked them to come, so she didn’t have to face him on her own, but she knew that them being there would make things so much more difficult. If she was going to have any chance of convincing Kyle to come with her to the hospital she was going to have to approach this whole thing very carefully. She patted Josh on the arm and smiled at Evie, “I’ll give you a call later and we can talk properly then, okay?”

Evie turned and watched Tamara leave in a hurry. She squeezed Josh’s hand and said “I’m w-worried about them. Kyle just seems a bit w-weird… and Tamara is a bit on edge, d-don’t you think?! I hope th-they can s-s-sort things out.”

 

Tamara hurried along the beachfront with her cup of coffee in her hand, headed for home, and rehearsed, over and over in her head, the conversation that she would have with Kyle when she got there. She was more nervous than she’d been in a long time. Walking with her head down, and staring at the ground, she smacked right into Nate who was hurrying in the other direction. “Oh!” she shouted as her coffee spilt over both of them. “I’m sorry, Nate!” she exclaimed, wiping the coffee off her top and looking at him apologetically, with tears welling up in her eyes.

“That’s okay, Tamara.” sighed Nate, sounding less than impressed. He looked down at his shirt and shook his head in frustration. He’d been called to come into work early today, and he’d hoped to grab some lunch at the diner on his way, but it didn’t look like he was going to have time now. He knew he was going to have to go home to change. Looking up at Tamara’s worried face, he could see that she was blinking back tears, and trying not to cry. He tilted his head to one side and put his hand on her shoulder, “Hey… you okay, Tamara?!”

She nodded and looked at the ground, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand. “Just a bit stressed, Nate” she said. “I’m bringing Kyle into hospital today. There’s something really bad going on with him… and I think he needs help”.

Nate squeezed her shoulder and leaned down to look into her eyes, “I’m glad to hear that, Tamara!” he said, relieved that she was going to sort it out herself, and that he was off the hook. He really didn’t have time to be making house calls today. “Andy came to speak to me yesterday because he was worried. If you really think he’s self-harming, then you need to get him in as soon as possible so we can get him a psych evaluation…”

“Self-harming?!” she exclaimed, looking up at him in shock, “Andy said that?!”

Nate looked confused and said, “Isn’t that why you’re bringing him in? Because he’s hurting himself?”

“Oh God!” said Tamara, her face crumpling as she began to sob loudly. She covered her face with both hands and started to shake. It all made so much sense now. He hadn’t let her touch him in months, flinching and pulling away every time she tried, and he wouldn’t get undressed in front of her either. She didn’t know when she’d last seen him without a shirt on. When she thought about that morning he’d come home limping, she wondered why she hadn’t even asked him what had happened. What kind of wife was she?! She wondered what he’d been doing to himself all this time. His poor body was already so damaged and broken, why would he hurt himself even more?! She took her hands away and looked up at Nate with fear in her eyes. “What did Andy say?! What’s he done to himself?!”

“Um… he said that Kyle has bruises all over his chest and stomach” said Nate, looking at her with concern. “And a laceration of some kind on his abdomen.”

She gasped and put her hand to her forehead. “Oh God, Nate! What are we going to do?!” she cried, feeling guilty for leaving Kyle there to suffer on his own. This was so much worse than she’d thought! “He’s really lost it, hasn’t he?!”

“Hey, it sounds to me like you’re already doing the right thing! …Call an ambulance if he won’t come in with you.” he said, giving her a supportive smile. “It’ll be okay, Tamara… He’ll be okay.”

 

*****

 

Tamara walked up to the front door of her house and stood outside for a moment, gathering her thoughts, and trying to calm her breathing. She’d run the whole conversation over and over in her head, but she knew that she had no way of knowing how Kyle would take it. How do you tell someone that they’ve gone crazy, and that you want to take them to a psychiatric hospital? How do you convince a crazy person that they’re crazy?

She glanced at the living-room window and realised that the blinds had been pulled down. It made her worry because they never closed those blinds. She looked at the door and listened for sounds of Kyle moving around inside. She couldn’t hear anything. She took her keys out of her bag, and found the right key, hesitating before she put it in the lock. She was frightened of what she would find behind this door. She reached inside her bag and took her phone out, typing 000 into the keypad and hovering her thumb over the screen, ready to press call. With a deep breath, she turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open.

She walked slowly into the living-room trying to adjust her eyes to the gloom. Her heart skipped a beat, as she suddenly caught sight of a head on the floor sticking out past the end of the couch. They were lying on their side and she could only see the back of their head. She dropped her phone out of shock, and froze to the spot, fearing the worst. Had Kyle killed himself?! Was that his head? Had he been lying there dead for days without anyone to check up on him?!

Suddenly an arm grabbed around her chest and a hand covered her mouth with a steely grip. She squealed and her eyes widened in fear, as she struggled to get away, driving her elbow backwards into the chest of the person holding her. She felt their grip loosen, and the body behind her slump to the floor, groaning in agony. Turning to look at her attacker as she sprung away, she was shocked to see Kyle on his knees, wheezing in pain. “What?! Kyle? …What are you doing?!” she shouted at him.

He looked up at her with hatred in his eyes and started to pull himself back up onto his feet. “Kylie’s a little tied up at the moment…  but I thought you and I could have a little chat instead.” he growled at her, brandishing a knife in his hand. She backed away in fear as he started to walk towards her. She was struck by the fury in his face, like nothing she’d ever seen before, and was suddenly very frightened. She was looking at her husband but he was barely recognisable. He looked possessed. Glancing at her phone, on the floor beside his feet, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to reach it. She turned to look at the back door, wondering if she could get there before him, and she decided to make a run for it. She took off as fast as she could, but as she reached the kitchen, her poor field of vision let her down, and she suddenly tripped over something.  Losing her balance, she found herself falling forward, and hit her head hard off the corner of the breakfast bar as she went down. Lying on the floor as her world slowly went dark, she saw her husband’s grinning face draw level with hers. He got down beside her on the floor, leaning in and whispering in her ear, “That was clumsy of you, Tammy! …Kylie’s very clumsy too… You and that pathetic little husband of yours are more alike than you’d think! ...Lucky that your old friend Phoebe is here to look after you!”

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Thanks once again to KittCatt, Kristen, JarlieFanEver, and Suzza101 for the kind comments.:P Hope you like this chapter.

WARNING: ADULT THEMES AND VIOLENCE

Chapter 14

 

“Hi Kat?” said Josh, holding his phone between his ear and his shoulder, as he squirted some sunscreen into his hand to rub on Evie’s back. It was such a beautiful day that they’d decided to take advantage of their extended stay in the Bay, and head to the beach for a few hours. He was just glad to be out of that caravan for the day. They hadn’t wanted to impose on Kat and Andy when they were staying for such a long time, and Leah had offered them one of the vans for the week for free, so it had seemed like the ideal solution. But he’d forgotten how much he hated those cramped tin cans! Caravans always made him feel so claustrophobic now, because there was no space to move around, and he always just spent his time bumping into everything. It was hard to judge the distances when everything was so close together. He’d bumped his shin so many times over the last couple of days that he’d lost count. “What’s up?” he asked Kat, surprised to hear from her.

Kat padded up and down the living-room floor, trying to give Sophie her bottle, while she screamed the house down. “Oh hi, Josh! Listen, Andy’s phone still isn’t turned on. Did you two have a late one last night? He’s not still sleeping it off, is he?!” she said, laughing a little to hide her annoyance. She thought it was nice that he’d wanted to spend some quality time with his little brother before he went back to Perth, but she would have appreciated a little advance notice. Sophie wasn’t sleeping very well at the moment and she’d kept her up all night!

“Oh, um… Andy?” said Josh, wondering what to say. It dawned on him that Andy must have used him as an alibi. He’d obviously told Kat that he was going out with him last night, and that he was staying at the caravan park. While he was a little worried that Andy might actually be cheating on Kat, he decided that he’d play his part and cover for his brother. Old habits were hard to break. “Sorry, Kat. He’s up and gone already. I’m sure he’s already at work?”

“Oh… okay…?” said Kat, sounding disappointed and a little worried. “Normally, he’d text me in the morning. It’s not like him to turn his phone off like this.”

“I’m sure he just can’t find his charger or something…” said Josh, feeling guilty for lying to her. Josh thought that Kat was the best thing that had ever happened to Andy, and that his brother was a total idiot if he was playing away. He wondered what he was up to and why he always had to mess things up for himself. He really hoped he wasn’t cheating and that there was a better explanation than that. “Kat, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. If it makes you feel better, I’ll head over to the gym and have a look for him in a bit… Yeah?”

Kat rocked Sophie back and forth in her arms, wondering why she had such a sick feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but deep down she knew that something was wrong. This whole thing was making her feel very uneasy. “Okay, thanks Josh, I really appreciate it. It’s just not like him.”

“I’ll get him to call you as soon as I find him, okay? …Bye” said Josh as he hung up the phone. Evie had taken her earphones out for the tail-end of the conversation, and turned over to look at him. She put her hand out and touched his arm to get his attention. “Was that Kat?” she asked, looking a little concerned, “Has A-Andy gone AWOL?”

He smiled a little half-heartedly in her direction and said, “Yeah, I told her we’d go find that brother of mine at the gym in a bit…” Furrowing his brow and shaking his head in disapproval, he said, “Think he might be making a mess of things for himself... Why am I not surprised?!”

 

*****

 

Kyle watched as Phoebe dragged Tamara’s unconscious body across the floor and tried to lift her onto the couch. She winced in pain, as she hoisted Tamara’s limp body up over the arm of the couch, and threw her face down on the seat. Looking at Kyle, as she manhandled Tamara’s body, it seemed like everything she was doing was for his benefit. It was as if she knew that having to watch his loved ones suffer was hurting him more than any punishment she’d ever dealt out to him. She pulled Tamara’s hands behind her back and tied her wrists together tightly with some cable ties. Yanking violently at Tamara’s hair, she pulled her back up into a sitting position, with her head lolling back and her mouth hanging wide open. She crouched down at her feet, and pulled Tamara’s ankles together, securing them with another cable tie. Then, turning to look at Kyle, she gave a cruel smirk and patted Tamara on the knee, “There! Looks like the family’s back together!”

“Mmmmmmm!” shouted Kyle, bucking in the chair again and trying to free his hands. He stared at Phoebe with fear in his eyes, scared that she was going to hurt Tamara even more. He could see that Tamara had already taken a nasty knock to the head, and the wound on her forehead was bleeding badly, with blood streaming down her face. He knew that she needed medical attention... and soon. He struggled again at the ropes, with them cutting savagely into his wrists, but he couldn’t get free. He screamed in frustration, wondering what Phoebe was going to do, and realising that there was little he could do to stop her. He was just as helpless as the last time he’d had to sit in a chair like this one, and listen to the people he cared about scream and cry. “Mmm?”, he mumbled at her pleadingly, with tears streaming down his face.

Phoebe stood up, looking at Kyle with an evil glint in her eye, and walked over to him with a mischievous smile on her face. She sat down heavily on his lap, and giggled when she saw him wince from the pain in his bruised thighs. She threw her arm over his shoulder and patted him on the side of the face. “Both our guests are a little bit sleepy, Kylie…” she said, walking her fingers up his chest, and laughing as he flinched with every movement. “What are we going to do in the meantime?” she said in an amorous tone. She took the lighter out again, and smiled at himm as she rolled the little metal wheel with her thumb just a little too slowly for it to ignite. “Maybe we could have a bit more fun with this? Whatcha think Kylie?”

Mmmmm!” he moaned at her, sobbing a little. He glanced at her in horror, and pulled away from her, when she reached for his face with those blood coated fingers of hers. The smell of rotten flesh was overwhelming now and he was trying to hold his breath as much as possible. He flinched in disgust, as she grabbed his face with those stone cold hands, and clawed at the edges of the gaffer tape stuck across his mouth. She ripped the tape away as violently as she could, and forced her cold dead hand inside his mouth. He thought he was going to be sick. She slowly pulled the saliva soaked gauze out of his mouth, and laughed at him as he coughed and wheezed.

“Now, what was that you were you saying, Kylie?” she said, cupping her ear in an exaggerated way to hear what he had to say for himself. “C’mon… speak up, Princess!” she sneered at him.

He tried to speak, but his throat felt like it was on fire, and his mouth was so sore and dry, that he couldn’t get the words out. “Hhhhhhh” he wheezed. “Hhhhhhelp!” he tried to shout, but his voice wasn’t much more than a hoarse whisper. “Help!” he tried again. She pulled herself over on the chair, laughing and throwing a leg on either side of him in a straddling position. She gazed lovingly into his eyes and ran her fingers through his hair in a seductive way. Then, putting a cold clammy hand on either side of his face, she leaned in to kiss him, and whispered, “I don’t think you understand, Kylie. You can shout as much as you want to… No-one can hear you now… You don’t exist.”

He gasped in shock, and looked around the room, as things suddenly started to make sense. He understood now. Andy hadn’t tried to help him, and he’d allowed himself to be drugged by Phoebe, because he thought she was him. No-one could see the real Kyle anymore! He didn’t exist. He was gone now, just an apparition, leaving this sick and twisted version of Phoebe filling the void. He’d left his friends at the mercy of this monster, who was wearing his body like a Halloween costume, and there was nothing he could do to stop her! He hung his head in despair and began to sob. “Why don’t you just kill me?” he asked as tears rolled down his face, “Why not just kill me and let them go? I’m the one you’re angry with.”

“Oh, I plan to kill you, Kylie… Don’t worry about that” laughed Phoebe, “Just not yet. What fun would it be if I killed you when the party was just getting started?” Hearing Tamara moan softly as she began to regain consciousness, she smiled sweetly at Kyle, and said, “Looks like Little Miss Tammy’s ready to join the party after all!”

 

*****

 

“It’s not true, Kyle!” said Tamara, talking to the empty chair across the room. “You have to know that what Phoebe’s saying isn’t true! None of it, Kyle!” she said, fixing her gaze on the empty space where Kyle seemed to think he was sitting. She glanced every now and then, at the flesh and blood man, who was her husband only in body. He was glowering at her as she sat there tied up on the couch. He may have looked like Kyle, but the man she knew and loved was long gone, and he seemed to think that he was Phoebe now. Even in her concussed state, she’d come to the realisation that Kyle was well and truly unhinged, and that she and Andy were in a very precarious position. She’d realised quite quickly, as she’d listened to him speak, that Kyle seemed to think that there were four people in the room, and that the real Kyle was sitting on a chair on the far side of the living-room. ‘Phoebe’ kept talking to him. Tamara had decided to play along, and accept that the man that she loved was no longer inhabiting the body of the man in front of her, but had somehow taken a leave of absence and was sitting on an empty chair in their living-room. “I love you, Kyle! I love you… the boys love you… Andy loves you.” she continued, throwing a quick glance at the figure towering above her. “We need you, sweetheart! We need you more than you know”.

Phoebe snorted, and turned to face Kyle with a sneer on her face. She could see that tears were streaming down Kyle’s face, as he listened to Tamara declare her feelings for him, and he was smiling at her with love and gratitude in his eyes. “She’s only with you out of guilt, Kylie!” she said, instantly wiping the smile from his face. “She just feels guilty for butchering you so badly, and she knows that it would look bad to everyone else if she walked out on you now… You know it, I know it… and deep down, so does little Tammy!” she jeered. “She yanked that knife out of your chest and you nearly croaked… Pity for her that you made it! Poor little Tammy’s been stuck with you ever since. She must look at you sometimes and wish that you’d died!”

She spun around to look at Tamara, who was shaking her head at her with a sad look on her face, “I’m right, aren’t I Tammy? Life would have been a whole lot easier for you if this sorry excuse for a man hadn’t made it? If he’d just had the decency to bleed out that time, you wouldn’t have wasted four years of your life on some guy that does nothing but moan… and moan… and moan… about how much pain he’s in. Whinge, whinge, whinge… I mean, it’s never ending… How can you listen to it?!”

Tamara looked into the brown eyes of the man standing over her, and said “I love Kyle. I LOVE him! He means more to me than he could ever know. I don’t want to live without him. He’s the father of my babies, and those little boys worship the ground he walks on. He’s their hero. Kyle needs to understand that a lot of people love him… That man lying over there, struggling to breathe? He loves Kyle and cares about him too. Kat loves him. Josh and Evie love him. Heath and Bianca love him. Ricky loves him… There’s a lot more love in this world than he thinks”

Phoebe threw her head back and laughed mockingly. “Yeah, well… Maybe they won’t, when they know what he did!”

 

*****

Josh and Evie arrived outside the gym, and were surprised to find it locked up, and with Andy nowhere to be seen. Josh frowned when Evie told him that all the lights were off inside and that there was no notice on the door to explain or apologise for the unusual closure. Normally Andy would put up some sort of sign on the door if they had to close unexpectedly. It was well after lunchtime now, and that was one of the busier times in the gym, so it would be very unusual for Andy to just close up shop without warning. He turned to Evie and said “I have a bad feeling about this…” He took out his phone and dialled Andy’s number, but it went straight to voicemail, so he called Kat instead.

“Josh?!” exclaimed Kat, sounding a little breathless, “Have you got hold of him?!” She was sure now that something was wrong, and that Andy was in trouble, but she was trying to tell herself that she was being irrational. She’d been calling Kyle and Tamara’s phones, but neither of them had answered either, and Nate’s phone had just gone straight to voicemail. Ricky was the only one who’d answered her phone but she’d said that she hadn’t seen any of them today. Kat felt like she was being the type of person she’d always hated having to deal with in her job as a cop. The ‘paranoid panickers’ were always the hardest to deal with. They wouldn’t wait to see if the person turned up, and panicked after only an hour or two, expecting the cops to drop everything to mount a full scale search for whichever loved one happened to have gone missing. She knew that she was being ridiculous but she couldn’t help how she felt. There was a nervousness gnawing at her stomach the more she thought about it. The cop in her was telling her to take a deep breath and calm down, but the woman who loved her husband, was telling her that something was very definitely wrong.

“No, Kat, he’s not at the gym. It’s all closed up” said Josh, sounding a little shaken. “His phone is still switched off too.” He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. He knew that Kat was going to be angry with him but he needed to tell her the truth. “Listen, Kat… I’m really sorry… but Andy wasn’t with me last night. I don’t know where he was.” There was silence at the end of the line and he wondered if Kat had got cut off. “Kat? You still there?” he asked.

“Why… why would he tell me he was going out with you, if he wasn’t?” she asked, as all sorts of terrible possibilities ran through her head. She felt guilty, as the thought that he was cheating flitted through her mind for all of a second, but it just didn’t seem likely. Andy always made it clear that he thought he’d got the better end of the deal, and that Kat was the best thing that had ever happened to him. She had no doubt that he loved her, and that he loved Sophie, and their little family, more than anything in the world. She didn’t think he’d do anything to jeopardise that. Maybe he’d intended spending the evening with Josh but he’d had an accident on the way?! She pictured him lying unconscious in a hospital bed, or worse still, in a ditch somewhere bleeding… She shuddered at the thought. Tank was foremost in her mind, knowing that he’d use peoples’ phones against them to stop their loved ones looking for them. She told herself that she was being silly. After all, Tank was dead! It couldn’t be something like that… Surely it couldn’t?!

“I don’t know, Kat. I’m really sorry I lied earlier… stupid brother stuff… covering for each other, y’know?” he said, scratching at the back of his neck nervously. “What do we do, Kat? You’re a cop... What should people do in this situation?” he asked, hoping that she’d know the best course of action.

“Well, as a cop, I’d probably tell you that he’s only been missing for about 18 hours so, sit tight and wait to see if he shows up… but the truth is, I know there’s something wrong, Josh! Andy wouldn’t do a disappearing act like this! We need to get out there and find him!” She set Sophie down gently in her bassinet and caressed her little tummy, before continuing, “Josh, can you ask Evie if she’ll watch Sophie for me? I’ll be a lot more use out there… I can’t just sit here and wait.”

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Thanks everyone for the kind comments again, hope you like this chapter! :P

 

WARNING - ADULT THEMES AND VIOLENCE

 

Chapter 15

 

7 weeks ago…

 

“Um, Kyle… we were clearing out the lost and found yesterday and I found this jacket… It’s been here for years, I think…” said Jenny, one of the waitresses working with him today. “Do um… Do you mind if I take it?”

Kyle was busy making up a drinks order at the bar. He really wasn’t feeling good and was finding it hard to concentrate on anything, never mind one of the waitresses wittering on about clothing. “What?!” he said, impatiently as he poured a glass of red wine.

“This jacket? I found it in the lost and found… Can I have it?” she asked, in a cautious voice, holding up a red leather jacket. Kyle had a pretty short temper these days and she could see he wasn’t in a good way. He was pale and shaking, and seemed to be sweating heavily. “It’s been there for a really long time… I don’t think anyone is going to claim it…”

He bent to get a bottle of water out of the fridge and let out a gasp in pain, clutching at his ribs, and leaning back against the counter breathing heavily. “I don’t care, Jenny!” he said, screwing his face up in pain with his eyes closed. “I really don’t. Take whatever you want!”

“Thanks Kyle!” she said, smiling brightly. She looked at his pained face, as he leant back against the counter behind the bar, and couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. He often shouted at her for no reason, and for a while, when she’d first started working here, she’d thought that he was a bit of an ogre, but she’d come to realise that he was just a man in pain. He looked so weak and vulnerable now. She turned and skipped back out to the kitchen to put the coat in her locker.

Kyle opened his eyes and blew out a big breath, trying to regain his composure, and get back to work making the drinks orders. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to make it through today. The nerve block had worn off a few days ago and it was always so much harder to deal with the pain when he’d had a couple of days’ reprieve. The pain just seemed so much more intense, with sensations seeming heightened and exaggerated, and every ache was like someone driving a knife in. It was as though the nerves that had been frozen had stored up a backlog of all the pain he should have felt over the last few days, and he was feeling it all now in short succession. His medication wasn’t doing much to ease it. He didn’t think he could go through with another nerve block any time soon. The aftermath just wasn’t worth it.

He struggled through the rest of the lunchtime rush, managing to run the bar, and keep up with the orders relatively well. As things began to quieten down, he leant with his back against the counter again and put his hand up to cradle his aching ribs, suddenly aware of how ill he felt. He was a little dizzy, and he felt both hot and cold at the same time. He decided he needed a breath of fresh air, so he got one of the waiters to cover the bar while he went outside. He leaned his exhausted body back against the wall and closed his eyes as the sun shone lightly on his face. He tried to concentrate on his breathing, but it felt like the ribs on his left side were smashed into smithereens, and every inward breath sent a shooting pain up through his chest and into his jaw. He looked up at the sky and wondered how he was going to live the rest of his life like this.

“Hey!” said Jenny, making him jump, and he realised that she’d crept up on him quietly and was leaning against the wall right beside him. “What are you doing? …Meditating?” she asked, laughing a little.

He glanced at her, thinking that he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, never mind someone so upbeat and chirpy. He just wished that she’d go away and leave him to wallow in his own misery. “What do you want, Jenny?” sighed Kyle, in a tired voice.

“Just to say thanks …again!” she said, beaming at him. “You know, you’re actually a pretty sweet guy…” said Jenny, giggling a little nervously, “…under all the grumpiness.” She leaned across and gave him little kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks… I think…?” he said, rolling his eyes. He smiled to himself a little, still staring at the sky, and thought that she reminded him a little bit of Phoebe. She was loud and brash, and far too upbeat at times, which could be incredibly annoying. She was often a little too ‘in your face’ and she really didn’t have a great understanding of personal boundaries. She even had a pretty unusual fashion sense, not quite like Phoebe’s, but equally ‘out there’.  They could have been sisters. He wondered if that was why he’d hired her.

He turned to speak to her, but the smile on his face disappeared when he caught sight of her jacket. Seeing the red jacket, paired with her wavy brown hair and heavy eyeliner, his heart started to thump in his chest, and he felt like he’d just been kicked in the stomach. He grabbed the jacket and started to pull it off her shoulders, his face full of anger and hurt.  “Where did you get this?!”  he roared at her, as he yanked the jacket off her and hugged it against his chest. His eyes filled with tears as he glared at her, and she backed away in fear.

“But… But… You s-said… I could have it” she stammered, starting to cry out of embarrassment and shock. “I asked you before if I could have it, and you said yes!”

“Not this! You can’t have this!” he shouted, turning away from her and holding the jacket pulled in close to him. He could smell Phoebe’s perfume on it, and images of her at Angelo’s that night with her eyes all puffy from crying, flooded through his mind. Even with her face all red, and her mascara running everywhere, she’d been beautiful. This jacket, this long forgotten red jacket, was all he had left of her now. He hadn’t let himself think about that night in years. He thought about her sitting outside on that bench in the cold, without this jacket to keep her warm, and he wondered why he hadn’t gone to her. It would have been so simple. He’d been right there. He could have walked down those steps and he could have taken her in his arms and he could have kept her safe. Instead he left her there, sitting on that bench like prey. He grimaced at the thought of what Tank had done to her, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was his fault. He was to blame for Phoebe’s death. Mr Nicholson was right. He’d been trying to push it away for years now, forcing it down like some kind of sickness in the pit of his stomach, but with this jacket in his arms now, he couldn’t hide from it any longer. “I’m sorry” he said, with tears streaming down his face, “I’m so so sorry!”

 

*****

Present...

 

“…He left me there! He just left me there!” growled Phoebe, as she glared across the room at Kyle. He’d listened to her version of events with tears running down his face, feeling the deepest shame, now that Tamara knew the truth about him. As Tamara played along, and looked at the empty chair across the room, tilting her head at it in sympathy, he wondered how she could even bear to look at him.

Tamara looked up into the scowling face of the man she loved and shook her head in disbelief. “That’s it?!” said Tamara, “That’s the terrible thing that Kyle did?! That’s the reason you’re so angry with him?!” She couldn’t believe that Kyle had been torturing himself about this for all these years, and that he actually thought that he was responsible for Phoebe’s death. Her eyes teared up as she thought of how much hurt he’d been carrying around with him, and wondered why he’d never talked to her about it. It was so obvious that it wasn’t his fault, but Kyle had obviously got it into his head that it was. “Kyle couldn’t have known what would happen to you, Phoebe.” she said, looking at the figure hovering over her with kindness and sympathy. “He didn’t know that Tank was out there looking for a victim… None of us did!”

“Maybe not” said Phoebe, staring at Tamara with a cruel glint in her eye, “But he’s still the reason I’m dead! All he had to do was walk outside… Instead he chose to slink home to your bed and leave me in the hands of that psycho! He chose you over me, and I ended up dead because of it.”

Tamara flinched as her husband crouched down in front of her and put his hands on her thighs. There was a look on his face that she’d never seen before and it made him look like he really was a different person. He was hurting her, and she winced as he dug his thumbs into the flesh on her thighs, and glared at her with an anger so cold it made her shudder. “Want to see what Tank did to me?” asked Phoebe, tilting her head at Tamara with a cruel smirk on her face.

Kyle watched in horror, as she pulled up the sleeves on her top to reveal the rope marks and the cigarette burns etched all over her mottled flesh. She pointed to her wrists, and said “See these stripes?... These are from the ropes that he tied me up with… See these pretty little circles? Tank didn’t smoke, but he found a much more creative use for a whole packet of cigarettes…” Kyle’s stomach churned, as he watched her stick her arm under Tamara’s nose, and force her to look at her injuries. “Have a good look, not a pretty picture, is it?!”

Tamara couldn’t hide her shock. She wasn’t looking at rope marks and cigarette burns, like Phoebe had said. What she was looking at was layers and layers of black and blue bruises, and self-inflicted burns, all over her husband’s arms. There was barely a patch of normal skin. She began to cry as she glanced at her husband’s face, wondering what the rest of his body looked like. She wondered how she hadn’t seen this. How had she not known what he was doing to himself?! She looked at this tortured soul in front of her and wondered if they’d ever be able to get past this… Would she ever get her ‘Kyle’ back?

“Phoebe, I’m so sorry that this happened to you!” said Tamara, shaking her head in pity. She was feeling a little ridiculous talking to a figment of her husband’s imagination, but humouring him seemed like the only way that she and Andy might make it out of this alive. The truth was that she did feel bad for Phoebe, but she also knew that Phoebe was resting in her grave, and that she was beyond caring whether Tamara was sorry or not. It was Kyle who needed to let go of his guilt and forgive himself. She needed to make him see that this wasn’t his fault.

Suddenly there was a loud groan from behind the couch as Andy began to regain consciousness. He’d passed out at some stage during the night and Tamara had been very worried about him, listening to his laboured breathing for the last few hours. Phoebe’s eyes shone with a sudden glint of cruelty and she got up to go and look at Andy.

Crouching down beside him, she peered into his face as he lay on the floor, and watched as his eyes flickered open. “Nice to have you back with us, Andy!” laughed Phoebe, patting the side of his face. Andy stared into the face of his friend, with panic in his eyes, as the reality of his situation hit home once again. He lifted his head, but cried out in pain as he accidentally pulled at the restraints, and he began to sob as he realised that this nightmare still wasn’t over. He’d been tied up like this for nearly a day now and was well past his breaking point in terms of stress and discomfort. Something in his shoulder had snapped during the night, and he’d passed out from the pain, but now he was overwhelmingly depressed to be back in this room, and wished he could just give up and die.

Tamara craned her neck back as far as she could to look over the back of the couch and see what ‘Phoebe’ was doing to Andy. Up until now she hadn’t been able to see Andy but she’d been worrying about him because of the sound of his breathing. She was shocked when she saw him in the ‘hogtie’ position and realised how much pain he must be in. His arms were pulled so far behind him, and tied so tightly to his ankles, that he was in a backward arch, and it looked like he was in agony. She had to do something to help.  “Phoebe? Please, can you listen to me for a second?” said Tamara looking at her husband pleadingly. Andy jumped a little when he heard Tamara speak, and turned his head to look up at her, with tears in his eyes. He hadn’t realised that she was there. She could see how frightened he was as he looked at her in shock, and as their eyes met, she thought how vulnerable and humiliated he must feel.

She could feel her heart racing in her chest as she looked at her husband’s crazed eyes, and she knew that she was taking a big risk talking to him this way. He was clearly very volatile and she didn’t want to provoke any violence towards herself or Andy. But she couldn’t just sit there and let Andy suffer like that either. She hoped that she could somehow reason with this ‘Phoebe’ persona that Kyle had created.

“Phoebe, can you look at him?” said Tamara, tilting her head at the man crouching beside Andy. “Look at how much you’re hurting him... Look! …I mean… he can’t even breathe properly. He’ll die if you don’t at least let him lie down flat.”

Phoebe stood up and ran her fingers through her hair, giving Tamara a cruel smirk, and turned to look at Andy. She could see that his chest was heaving as he tried to force each breath in. The position he was held in was putting stress on his diaphragm, and he couldn’t take a full breath, no matter how hard he tried. His hands had gone a dark purple colour and his face looked a strange shade of grey too. He was shaking and crying. “A little uncomfortable, are we?!” she said, grabbing his hair and pulling his head up off the ground. He screamed in pain and began to sob loudly.

“Stop it!” shouted Tamara, her eyes filling with tears, “Please stop it, Phoebe! He didn’t do anything to you. He doesn’t deserve this!”

Phoebe let go of Andy’s hair, letting his head thud back to the ground, and turned to look at Tamara. “Maybe you’re right… Maybe Andy doesn’t deserve this.” she said, walking over to the dining table to retrieve her knife. She crouched back down, twirling the knife round and round in her hands, making sure that Andy got a good view. Andy stared at it in a blind panic and then closed his eyes in preparation for whatever was coming next. He just hoped that it would be quick. He flinched as he felt someone pulling at his restraints, and squealed as his hands were drawn even closer to his ankles, causing him excruciating pain. Then, with a sudden snap, he realised that the connection between his hands and ankles had been cut and he took his first full breath in nearly a day. While he could suddenly breathe better, he was overwhelmed by the pain of his dislocated shoulder, no longer held so tightly by the restraints, and his hands were still tied tightly behind his back. He looked up at the demented expression on his friend’s face, clearly taking pleasure in his suffering, and he realised that some part of him had just wanted to die. He was actually disappointed that ‘Phoebe’ hadn’t killed him! He closed his eyes and began to sob uncontrollably.

“Oh for God’s sake!” said Phoebe, laughing at him mockingly, “Some people are never happy!” Getting back to her feet, she turned to face Tamara with the knife and said, “You’re right, Tamara… Andy never did anything to hurt me… But you did… didn’t you?”

Tamara’s heart thumped in her chest as she looked at the wild-eyed expression on her husband’s face. He was pale and shaking, and looked like he was sweating heavily too. She thought he looked just like that day when she’d come home to find him with the pills all over the floor. This was not a well man, in more ways than one! His eyes were nearly popping out of his head as he started to move towards her, brandishing the knife, and she could feel the panic taking over her body as she began to shake violently.

Phoebe suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, with her eyes darting towards the living-room window, as she listened to the approaching footsteps. She stepped back and crouched down beside Andy again, fixing Tamara with a steely stare. She put the knife to Andy’s throat, making a ‘shhh’ sound, and motioned to Tamara to zip her mouth closed. They waited in silence as the footsteps grew louder and stopped outside the front door.  There was a loud knock that made everyone jump, and as Tamara craned her head over the sofa to look, she could see that the knife was already cutting slightly into Andy’s neck. She couldn’t decide what to do. Shout, and she was risking Andy’s life. Stay quiet, and she was throwing away the only opportunity they might have to get help. They sat and they waited.

 

“Kyle!” shouted Josh, from outside the front door, knocking again, more loudly this time. “Kyle! Tamara!” he called again, before turning the door handle. The door was unlocked so he pushed it open and stepped slightly inside the doorway. “Kyle! Tamara! Anyone here?!” he shouted loudly, rapping his knuckles on the door again. He took another step inside with the dog on the harness leading him slightly. Bonnie glanced around the room at the faces, and then began to growl a little at the man crouching down beside Andy, as Andy shook with fear on the floor. Her hackles were raised, and she began to growl softly, but no-one made a move. “Kyle?!” Josh shouted again, staring vacantly around the silent room. “Looks like there’s no-one home…” sighed Josh, patting the top of the dog’s head as he turned around to leave. “Maybe we’ll try Ricky’s… eh Bonnie?” he said, pulling the door closed.

Phoebe stood up again, once the footsteps had died away, and grinned at Andy as he sobbed on the floor. “Well, looks like it’s just the four of us again…” she said, giggling a little. She threw Kyle a malicious smile and said, “I think Tammy and I have a few things to sort out… After all, if she hadn’t been so keen to get you into bed that night, I might not be six feet under…”.

“Please don’t hurt her!” pleaded Kyle, as he watched from across the room. “Neither of them deserve any of this” he sobbed, “It was my decision to leave you there! I’m the one who let you down… I’m the one you should be angry with! I’m the one you should be punishing…”

Walking towards him with the knife, she smiled at him sweetly, and cocked her head to one side. “You know what, Kylie? I think that’s the best idea you’ve had all day.”

Tamara watched, with her mouth hanging open, as her husband pulled down the neck of his t-shirt, revealing a meshwork of dark bruises and deep scratch marks. He stared at the empty chair with a cruel expression on his face, and cut himself with the knife right in front of her. His eyes gleamed with sadistic pleasure as he dragged the knife across his own chest, cutting deeply into his right pectoral muscle. Tamara had never been so shocked by anything in her life. She looked at her husband, standing there bleeding in front of her with a smirk on his face, and she wondered who this person was. Who had she been living with all this time? Because it certainly wasn’t Kyle… This tormented soul wasn’t the man she’d fallen in love with. Maybe that man really was sitting on that empty chair across the room from her, but if that was the case, how was she going to help him find his way back? How had his mind become this broken?

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Thank you all for the lovely comments, as always they are very much appreciated!  Sooooo.... This is the penultimate chapter in this story, and it's very looooong! Hope you enjoy it!

WARNING: ADULT THEMES AND VIOLENCE

 

Chapter 16

 

 

Kat peered out the windows of her car checking the roadsides as she drove along. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was looking for, but the thought that Andy might have had an accident wouldn’t leave her. She was half expecting to see his overturned car somewhere by the roadside, and images of him, lying bleeding and injured, kept floating into her mind. She’d called the hospital, just in case he’d been brought in, but there was no-one fitting his description.  It just wasn’t like him to turn his phone off like this. Andy was sometimes obsessive about ‘checking in’. It was a little annoying at times but she understood the source of his anxiety all too well. Tank had had a big impact on him, and he was always worried about where she was, texting all the time and phoning every couple of hours. Disappearing like this just wasn’t something he’d do.

She’d called Sgt Emerson, hoping that she might get some support from her fellow police officers, but he’d been pretty dismissive, and treated her like any other worried wife.  She loved being at home with Sophie, but this whole maternity leave thing was harder than she’d imagined. She felt as though she’d lost part of her identity, becoming some little home-maker instead of a policewoman, and resented the feeling that no-one took her seriously anymore. She knew that they’d all be rolling their eyes about her down at the station, thinking that her hormones were out of whack, but she couldn’t really blame them… She knew that she’d have done the same thing in the past. Andy had been missing now for about 20 hours. At least, that was the last text message she’d received from him. She picked up her phone and glanced at the message. Something about the wording didn’t seem quite right although she hadn’t noticed it last night when she’d been trying to get Sophie off to sleep. It just seemed a little forced. He’d called her ‘babe’, which was something he did call her, but he rarely put in his texts. Everything was telling her that this text wasn’t from him… In which case, he’d been missing for more than 24 hours!   

She tried to think what could have happened. Tank was long dead. It was irrational to think that there was another psychopathic kidnapper on the loose, who would just happen to target Andy. What possible motive would they have? She and Andy had had arguments in the past, when his paranoia had got the better of him, and she’d always been the one to tell him that it couldn’t happen again. She kept having to reassure him that Tank was dead, and that he wasn’t coming back. Sometimes he’d completely freak out if she didn’t text him back immediately, and they’d argue because he couldn’t understand that she sometimes wouldn’t hear the message, or she’d be too busy with something at work. By the time she’d text back, he’d be in a blind panic and it would take hours to calm him down again. His fears had seemed thoroughly irrational… up until now. He hid his anxiety pretty well from everyone else around him and put on a brave face, especially when he was around Josh or Kyle, but she knew the true impact that Tank had had on him. The others didn’t know that he was still having nightmares or that he’d had numerous panic attacks. They didn’t know that he felt he was a failure for not being able to stop Tank, or that he blamed himself for Kyle’s injuries. He’d confided in her how he felt about those things, and he’d told her his worst fears. It had brought them so much closer as a couple and they were in a pretty good place in their relationship. She just didn’t understand what was happening right now. She knew that Andy wouldn’t do anything to worry her like this.

As she rounded a corner she saw the wreck of a black truck lying overturned in a field and her heart skipped a beat. She pulled the car in as quickly as she could and jumped out, running closer to take a better look. Her heart felt like it would jump out of her chest as she climbed through a broken section of fencing where the truck had passed through. Adrenalin was coursing through her veins as she approached the mangled remains of the vehicle, fearing what she would see inside.  Suddenly, she saw the license plate. It wasn’t Andy’s truck! Walking around it, she saw that the front section had been cut away. Clearly, this was an old accident and emergency services had been there, and removed the victims, cutting them free from the vehicle. It just hadn’t been picked up yet. She breathed a sigh of relief, and felt the pulse in the side of her neck, aware of how fast her heart was beating. She looked at the wreckage and wondered at the fact that she felt a little disappointed. She didn’t want Andy to be hurt, but at least if this had been his car, then she would have found him, and he wouldn’t still be missing God knows where. Her eyes welled up with tears, from both fear and frustration, as she wondered where he was.

As she trudged back across the field to her car, her phone began to ring, and her heart gave a little leap when she saw that it was Josh. “Have you found him?!” she asked excitedly.

 

 

*****

 

 

“Phoebe, please stop hurting Kyle! Please, STOP IT!!!” screamed Tamara, as she looked in horror at her husband’s blood-soaked shirt. “Look at what you’ve done to him!”. She thought she might get sick if he did it again. Her husband’s body was covered with new cuts, pouring out blood, and she couldn’t do anything to stop him from hurting himself. It was the most disturbing thing she’d ever seen. He’d cut his chest, then his arm, and then he’d cut a big slash in his own thigh. It had taken everything she had not to throw up. It was incredibly hard to watch, and she’d tried to keep her eyes closed, but in the end she couldn’t fight her curiosity, and she’d opened her eyes to see blood pouring out of each new wound. “Kyle loved you Phoebe! You know that! He wouldn’t have let anything bad happen to you if he could have stopped it! He didn’t know what was going to happen… How could he?” she asked, in a pleading tone. “Please stop hurting him! Please!” she cried.

Phoebe turned to look at Tamara, with the knife still in her hand, and began to laugh. “Oh please! Oh please, don’t hurt him, Phoebe!” she mimicked, back at her. “Do you know how many times your snivelling little coward of a husband has said those words?! ‘Oh, please don’t hurt me, Phoebe! Please don’t!’ Do you have any idea how pathetic that sounds?! …Don’t you think I said the same thing to Tank?! Don’t you think I got down on my knees and I begged him to stop?! Two days, Tammy! Two days he had me! Did your darling little husband come looking for me? Did he?!”

“He didn’t know!” said Tamara, with tears streaming down her face. “How was he to know? Even if he did, how would he have found you?” She looked at the empty chair across the room from her, and said, “Kyle, it isn’t your fault! You have to believe me... Listen to what I’m saying, IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT!”

Phoebe glanced at the chair where Kyle was sitting and smirked at him. He was slumped in the chair with tears rolling down his face. His shirt was soaked in so much blood it was sticking to him and his whole body was shaking. “Please, Phoebe…” he pleaded quietly, “I didn’t know…”

“You were the last person to see me alive!” she roared at him, with a cold fury in her eyes. “You were the only person that had a chance to save me! She turned around and glared at Tamara, walking back towards her with the bloody knife. “You took him away from me. He left me there to be with you ….and now you think you just get to play happy families?! Why should you get to be happy?!”  She leaned down and grabbed the front of Tamara’s top, growling in her face, “Don’t you feel even a little guilty that you two were busy having sex when it happened?! I was sitting on that bench and Tank just came and took me…

“Um… That’s not what happened” said Josh, standing in the doorway of the kitchen with his hands held up in front of him defensively. The dog stood beside him, baring its teeth, and growling softly at the man with the knife. Josh had taken off his shoes to move more quietly, and they’d managed to sneak in the back door, while all the shouting was going on. They’d crept up unheard, to the door of the kitchen, and Josh had been listening intently. He was a bit confused by the fact that Tamara kept calling Kyle ‘Phoebe’ but he’d figured out that something was very definitely wrong. He could hear Andy crying softly off to the side and wondered what on earth was happening. He’d heard enough of the conversation to understand that Kyle was scaring Tamara pretty badly. “That’s not what happened with Phoebe” he continued, “Kyle, you weren’t the last one to see Phoebe alive… Ash was…”

 

 

*****

 

 

Nearly 4 years ago…

 

 

Phoebe picked up her phone again, and unlocked the screen, disappointed to see that there still wasn’t a reply from Kyle. He was certainly taking his time about it. Surely he was going to come and find her soon? It was really cold, and she was shivering badly now, so she rubbed her hands up and down her arms again, trying to warm up. She really needed that coat. She turned to look back at Angelo’s, wondering where Kyle had got to, and her heart skipped a beat when she realised that all the lights were off. He’d locked up and just left her there! She looked around to make sure he wasn’t somewhere nearby but it was suddenly very clear that she was on her own. It was dark, and cold, and he’d left her there on her own! She was angry and hurt, but on some level, she knew that she probably deserved it. A lot of what he’d said was true. She did just use Kyle as an emotional sounding board a lot of the time, which wasn’t really fair, considering how badly she’d treated him. She knew that he’d been in love with her, but she’d just expected him to be okay with her being with Ash, as though she hadn’t broken his heart into a million pieces. The fact that he could still take the time to listen to her, and lend a friendly ear, after the things she’d done, just went to show what a good guy he really was. He was kind hearted and sensitive underneath all that Braxton bravado. She couldn’t really blame him for leaving her to sit here and stew, especially when she thought of the horrible things she’d said about Tamara. She’d have to find him and apologise before she left for Melbourne tomorrow.

She looked out at the black water as it shone under the moonlight and wondered at the mess that she was making of things. She looked at her phone again, and scrolled through the text messages from Ash. So many apologies! It did sound like he was sorry. Maybe she’d been overreacting before. Just because he was showing some girl how to surf didn’t mean he was necessarily flirting with her. They had looked a little too touchy feely but maybe she should have given him the benefit of the doubt. He’d been pretty adamant that nothing had happened. Even Kyle had stood up for Ash, saying that he was a decent guy, and that she had unrealistic expectations when it came to boyfriends. She thought back to every relationship she’d ever had, and every guy had pretty much said the same thing. Maybe she was just a spoilt little princess, who always expected to have things her way, and wanted to be the centre of attention. Was that such a bad thing?! She scrolled through his text messages and smiled at the obvious concern in Ash’s words. He was worried about her. He obviously did care. Maybe she’d let him off the hook this one time. Maybe she wouldn’t go to Melbourne after all... Maybe she’d go to the caravan park and surprise him…

 

*****

 

 

“Ash, and the girl he was with that night, gave a statement to the police… Ash said that she came to his caravan after she left Angelo’s… They had a big fight and she stormed off” said Josh, trying to listen for movement in his direction. He was nervous that Kyle would make a sudden charge at him, but he was relying on Bonnie to alert him to any danger. “Tank didn’t take her from the bench outside Angelo’s. He snatched her from the path out of the caravan park. There’s even video footage.”

“Nooooo!” shouted Phoebe, grabbing the sides of her head, and covering her ears. “It’s not true! You’re just trying to trick me!”

“It is true, Kyle! If you’d bothered to read the book, you’d know all about it.” said Josh, “I included all the police reports. Ash and Phoebe had a fight after you left her that night. He was the last person to see her before Tank took her.”

“You see!” said Tamara, tilting her head at her husband, and smiling a little through her tears, “Baby, it’s not your fault. It was never your fault!” She looked at the man standing in front of her, soaked in his own blood, and all she wanted to do was throw her arms around him. He was rocking on the balls of his feet with his eyes closed, and shaking his head violently. “Phoebe!” she called, trying to understand what was going on. He suddenly opened his eyes, looking startled, and looked down at Tamara as though this was the first time he’d ever seen her. “Kyle?” she asked cautiously, looking up at him with hope in her eyes.

He looked down at his blood-soaked shirt, and the blood encrusted knife in his hand, and took a step back, in a sort of stagger. “What?!” he said, moaning in distress, as his eyes darted wildly around the room. He turned to look at the wooden chair where he’d been tied for so many hours and realised that it was empty. He tried to take a breath, but his chest had suddenly tightened with a sharp stabbing pain, as though his heart was going to burst, and his legs buckled under him. In a swirl of half-remembered flashes, he saw the last seven weeks laid out in front of him as a series of disturbing episodes of self-harm. He had leapt in front of a car! He had stabbed himself in the stomach with a broken vodka bottle. He had burned himself, and beat himself, so many times it would be impossible to count. He had stood in front of Tamara, and carved slices into himself, and made her watch. Worse than the self-harm was the fact that he’d extended his violence to his friends and family. He’d scared both Tamara and Andy half to death, and he’d tortured and injured Andy. Phoebe didn’t exist. It had all been him! It had been him all along. How were they ever going to forgive him? How could anyone ever trust him again? 

“I’m so sorry, Tam… I’m so sorry!”, cried Kyle, as he sat in a heap on the floor. He dropped the knife, and looked up at her with tears in his eyes, looking more frightened than she’d ever seen him look. “I need help” he said, sobbing inconsolably, and hugging his arms across his chest, “I need help”.

 

*****

 

“Baby?” said Kat, leaning on the side of Andy’s hospital bed. His eyes slowly fluttered open, and he gave her a little smile, but it quickly turned into a grimace as he registered the pain. He groaned a little, as he shifted his position, and gave Kat’s hand a little squeeze. “Are you in pain?” she asked him, placing the morphine driver in his hand, “They said you can give yourself some morphine when you’re in pain.” Her voice broke at the end of the sentence and her eyes filled up with tears. “Baby, I thought I’d lost you! I was so worried! I can’t believe Kyle would do this to you!”

He pressed the button and shifted a little in the bed trying to find a comfortable way to lie. Everything hurt. He shook his head at her and said, “I was so frightened, Kat! I thought Sophie was gonna grow up without a dad. I was so scared I’d never see you again!”

“Emerson said he’d be in a bit later to take your statement” she said, leaning over to kiss him. “We can’t let him get away with this.”

“I’m not pressing charges” he said, shaking his head adamantly. “I’m serious, Kat! …It wasn’t Kyle!”

“What?!” she said, furrowing her brow at him. “What do you mean it wasn’t Kyle?!” She wondered if he’d had too much morphine.

“He wasn’t himself… It was like he was someone else. He kept talking to someone else called Kyle… as though he was… I know this is going to sound really twisted… But he thought he was Phoebe.  Kat, he’s really ill! It’s not a prison cell he needs… Honestly? ...I feel really sorry for the guy.”

“You feel sorry for him?!” she asked, sounding shocked and angry. “You feel sorry for the guy that had you tied up in a torture position for 24 hours?! Andy, you could have suffocated! You’ve just had an eight-hour surgery to fix your shoulder! …I don’t care if he’s going for the insanity defence… He’s dangerous!” She looked at him with love in her eyes, as her chin trembled, and she blinked back tears, “He hurt you, Andy! …I can’t forgive him for that.”

“Yeah, he hurt me” said Andy, sounding tired and depressed, “but he’s hurt himself a lot more…” He set the button down and reached for Kat’s hand, wincing a little from the pain, and gave her a worried look, “You need to see what he’s done to himself, Kat… I think when you see what I’m talking about, you’ll understand why I’m not angry with him…” He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, trying to stifle the tears, and shook his head at the thought of what he’d witnessed. “He burnt himself in front of me… He took a lighter and he held it under his hand until his skin bubbled… I mean… I could smell it!”. He opened his eyes and looked at her with fear in his eyes, and said “He cut himself and he made us watch.”

Kat stared at him in shock, as she tried to imagine Kyle doing any of those things, but she couldn’t help feeling angry on Andy’s behalf. She could see how much pain Andy was in, and she couldn’t stand to see him suffer. Seeing him lying on that floor, at Kyle and Tamara’s house, had been bad enough.

She’d got to the house to find Tamara cradling a crying Kyle on the floor, and Andy was screaming as Josh tried to cut his restraints. She’d come as soon as Josh had called her, but she’d never expected to find something like this. Josh had been able to hear breathing, when he’d been standing in the living-room that time, and had realised that there were two people lying close to the floor. At first, he’d wondered if someone had had an accident, but his gut had told him that there was something seriously wrong, and Bonnie’s reaction had confirmed it. He’d made sure to make a lot of noise as he walked away, and he’d called Kat to tell her to come over as soon as possible. He’d then ignored her warnings, about not doing anything stupid, and snuck around the back of the house. She was a little annoyed with Josh for that. It was very lucky that it had turned out as well as it did!

Kat had tried to move Andy when she got there, wanting to put her arms around him and never let him go, but as soon as she put her hand on him, he’d started screaming. He was clearly in so much pain that he couldn’t bear to be touched. The ambulance crew had had to give him massive amounts of morphine to be able to move him at all. It turned out he had a severely dislocated shoulder combined with a badly torn rotator cuff. His shoulder was barely hanging together. His other shoulder was badly sprained too, and he had strains to both hamstrings.  He was in a bad way.

Looking at him now in this hospital bed, she didn’t think she’d be able to forgive Kyle for what he’d done. “That doesn’t change the fact that he’s hurt you.”

Andy leaned his head back and closed his eyes again. He was tired, and sore, and the morphine was making him feel very heavy. “He tied me up and I hurt my shoulder trying to get my hand free… But he didn’t really hurt either of us… even in his insanity… He could have burned me or Tamara… and he could have cut us with that knife… But he didn’t! …Instead he burnt himself… he cut himself… What does that tell you?"

 

 

Kat left Andy sleeping in his room and walked out to the hallway to stretch her legs. Tamara was sitting on one of the chairs in the hallway with her head in her hands, so Kat walked over and sat down beside her. She reached out and put her hand on Tamara’s knee, making her jump a mile high.

“Sorry!” said Kat, giving her a tired smile, “Didn’t mean to scare you.” She looked at Tamara’s face and thought that she looked exhausted. She had a large bandage covering the wound on her forehead and dark circles around her eyes, and she’d clearly been crying. Kat tilted her head at her in sympathy, and said “How are you doing with all of this?”

Tamara took a deep breath as though she was going to speak, but before she could get the words out, her chin began to tremble and she looked at the floor and started to sob. She shook her head and put her hand up to cover her mouth.

“Hey” said Kat, as she put her arm around Tamara’s shoulder, “It’s over now… you’re safe.” She felt terrible for her friend. It sounded like Tamara had been very strong through all of this, talking to Kyle throughout the ordeal, and trying to reason with him. Now she had to deal with the fact that her husband had done this terrible thing, whether it was because he was ill or not. It was understandable that she’d break down now. “You’re okay, you’re okay” she said, as she rocked her from side to side.

Tamara wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her cardigan, and glanced sideways at Kat. “I’m not upset because of what he did to me… Kat…You weren’t there! You don’t know what he’s done to himself! …I can’t …I just can’t…”  She looked at Kat with worried eyes, and said, “Come with me?” Getting to her feet, she offered Kat her hand, and got her to follow her to Kyle’s room. “I need you to see this, Kat… I need you to understand…”

They walked slowly into Kyle’s room. He was heavily sedated and lying sleeping in the bed, stripped to the waist with heart monitor stickers and drips in both arms. Kat gasped in horror, and covered her mouth, when she saw the black and purple, bruised, and butchered body lying in the bed in front of her. There were bruises, and burns, and cuts all over his body. She glanced at Tamara, with a look of shock on her face, and reached out to hug her friend. “I’m so sorry, Tam!” she said, hugging her tightly, “I can’t believe he’d do this to himself!”

“They’re saying it’s probably a psychotic break” said Tamara, shaking her head sadly, “…but they won’t have a diagnosis for at least a couple of days… He’s too sick for a psych evaluation…”

Tamara moved to the end of Kyle’s bed and picked up his chart, flicking through the pages, and then handed it to Kat. “He has so many individual injuries, they ran out of space” she said, shaking her head in despair at the body in the bed, “He’s in full on sepsis from a wound on his stomach… he, um… he… stitched it himself… with a sewing needle… Then there’s everything else…” She put her hand up to her forehead again and turned away from Kyle, looking at the ceiling. “He’s been doing this for months… and I didn’t know! What kind of wife am I?! …You would know if Andy was hurting himself. You would do something…”

“Hey!” said Kat, pulling her round to face her, “You didn’t know! He hid it from you! He hid it from all of us!” She hugged Tamara again, and she felt her friend collapse into her arms, shuddering as she cried. Glancing at her other friend’s poor battered body in that bed, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him, and she knew now what Andy meant. No-one would do this to themselves if they weren’t mentally ill. It wasn’t an excuse, or some cynical legal defence. Kyle was a very ill man. She wondered how none of them had seen the signs. How does someone do this much physical damage to themselves and hide it from everyone they know? What had been going on in that poor head of his?!

 

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Sorry there's been such a delay on the final chapter. It's finally here and boy is it long! I suppose it could really be two chapters but anyway... her we are! Thank you all so much for reading, and thanks to KittCatt, Kristen, ~JarlieFanEver~, Suzza101, and Red Ranger 1 for taking the time to comment. Much much appreciated. Always so nice to see that little notification pop up! Hope you enjoy this (incredibly long) chapter.

 

Chapter 17

 

13 months later…

 

“It’ll be okay, mate!” said Alex, giving him a supportive smile and a pat on the knee, “You’ve come such a long way. You’re ready… You know you’re ready...”

Kyle nodded at him and gave him a nervous smile. He couldn’t stop jittering his knee up and down, and fiddling with his wedding ring. He wasn’t so sure that he was ready, even if they insisted on telling him that he was… He was finding it really hard to hide his nerves.  He looked around the reception area, thinking how different this place looked to him now, and wondering why it had seemed such a frightening place when he’d first arrived. In the beginning, all he’d wanted was to escape, but now he wasn’t sure that he ever wanted to leave. This place felt so safe. It was the world outside that scared him.

He glanced down at the bags that he’d packed and carried out here himself. One suitcase, and a gym bag, stuffed full with the bits and pieces that he’d gradually accumulated in his room over the last eight months. He looked at them sitting at his feet, and had to fight the urge to take them back to his room and unpack them again. Part of him wanted to stay in that room, where it was safe, forever. He did want to go home but he was terrified of what that meant. Seeing everyone again was going to be really hard and he wasn’t sure he was ready to take that step.

“Seriously, mate, just take a breath” said Alex, tilting his head at him sympathetically, “You’ll be okay!”

“Thanks” said Kyle, taking a deep breath just like Alex had suggested, and blowing it out slowly. He could feel his heart racing and his stomach was doing somersaults just thinking about walking out that door and never coming back. This felt like such a big step. He looked at his watch and saw that Tamara was ten minutes late. He wondered if she was having second thoughts about it too. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this either? Maybe they could do it another day?

Alex looked out the window and smiled from ear to ear when he saw the taxi pulling into the carpark. “Here she is!” he said, patting Kyle on the shoulder, “Looks like it’s time, Kyle… You know we’re all going to miss you here… But, like I say to everyone when they leave, I’d prefer not to see you back!” He chuckled a little and held his arms out for a hug. Kyle threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly. For someone who’d never been a very touchy-feely person in the past, he’d eventually gotten used to all the hugging that went on in this place. He was going to miss it.

“Hey!” said Tamara, standing in the doorway of the reception area smiling brightly. “You guys gonna hug all day, or are we gonna hit the road?” she asked, giggling a little nervously.

Kyle turned to look at Tamara and gave her an anxious smile. “So, this is it” he said, sounding a little nervous. “We’d better get out of here before I lose my nerve.” He picked up his suitcase, and Tamara took his gym bag, and all three of them walked out the doors of the hospital. Standing at the bottom of the steps, Kyle turned to look back up at the building and breathed out a loud sigh. He shook Alex’s hand and said “I can’t thank you enough… all of you… really…”

Alex smiled at him and said, “There’s no need, Kyle. I’m just glad we could get you back on your feet. Remember… talk to people! Tell them what’s going on with you… Ask for help when you need it.” He looked at Tamara and threw her a sympathetic smile, “Take care of each other, okay?”

Kyle’s heart was going a hundred miles an hour as they crossed the carpark to the taxi. This was the most nervous he’d been in a while. They threw the bags in the boot of the car, and he climbed up into the back seat, and sat twisting his wedding ring round and round, and stared back up at the hospital building. He watched as his counsellor climbed the steps back up the main building and walked back inside. He was going to miss Alex; he’d been very kind. Tamara joined him a moment later, jumping in the other side, and pulling on her seatbelt with a happy sigh. She turned to face him and took hold of his hand, giving him a huge smile. “Baby, I’m so happy you’re coming home! The boys have missed you so much… and everyone’s going to be so excited to see you!” She leaned across and kissed him lightly on the lips, and he gave her the biggest smile he could manage. He thought about how far they’d come in the last few months, and thought it was nothing short of amazing that she could trust him enough to do that again. How could she want to kiss him after everything he’d done?! He wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d run for the hills, and never wanted to see him ever again. He wondered how she could be so forgiving and marvelled at the emotional strength of this amazing woman he was married to.  She’d stood by him through everything, and made the trek back and forth to the hospital week after week, and now she was here to take her crazy husband home! He couldn’t help feeling that he was an incredibly lucky man.

As they drove out of the carpark, and they passed the sign that had filled him with so much dread the first time he’d seen it, he let out a huge breath and began to cry a little. He was hit by an overwhelming sense of relief that he’d come out the other side, and made it back into the world.  “The Sinclair Clinic, Private Psychiatric Hospital” had been his home for the last eight months. He’d seen that sign from the window of the ambulance, when they’d brought him here so many months ago, and he’d told himself that he was never going to get to go home again. That this would be it. He’d spend the rest of his life in a straightjacket, locked up drooling in a padded cell. He’d imagined electric shock therapy, and forced medication, and some nurse in a white uniform bullying everyone. He’d imagined ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’. The place had seemed so ominous to him that night he’d arrived, and such a dark and scary place, like something out of a horror film. It was a very imposing building, all red brick and Victorian, and had appeared exactly the kind of place he’d imagined a mental hospital to be. In reality, it had turned out to be his salvation. It had been his place of refuge for so long now that it was difficult to imagine living life outside its protection. Returning to the real world had seemed like such a distant prospect for such a long time that it was difficult to believe it was really happening now. He stared out the window and blinked furiously to stifle his tears, hoping that Tamara wouldn’t see. He didn’t want her to think he was unhappy about going home. He was just frightened of what lay ahead.

He was scared to be leaving Sinclair, but he knew in is heart that it was time to go home, and that if he didn’t leave now, he might never leave.  He wanted more than anything to get back home to the Bay, and be able to see the boys and settle back into family life. The twins had grown so much the last time Tamara had brought them to the city to see him, and he’d been surprised at how much they were talking now. They’d been very shy around him though, and hidden behind Tamara for a lot of the visit, which had nearly broken his heart. He was sad that he’d missed out on such a big part of their little lives, becoming a little bit of a stranger to them, but he knew that he’d needed to get better. He couldn’t have been the dad that they needed, without this time away, and now that he was coming home, he knew that things were going to be very different! He began to smile a little, as he glanced at Tamara, and he couldn’t help feeling a little excited, wondering what the twins would make of their newly improved ‘bionic’ daddy. “Did you tell the boys that I’m coming home?” he asked.

*****

“There’s your daddy!” exclaimed Joanne, pointing across the room in an exaggerated way, as Kyle followed Tamara through the front door. She was sitting on the floor with the boys, who’d been playing loudly with their toy cars, and she’d looked up in surprise when the door opened. The twins had been too busy arguing with each other, and fighting over one of the cars, to hear the car pull up outside. They gave Kyle a wary look, startled to see him suddenly in their living-room, and crawled over to their grandmother to hide. Tommy climbed into Joanne’s lap, tucking his head under her arm and sucked his thumb, while Jamie hid behind her and peeked over her shoulder. They were always painfully shy with people they didn’t know.

The smile on Kyle’s face quickly disappeared when he saw how frightened the boys were of him, and he glanced at Tamara, unable to hide his disappointment. He didn’t know why he’d thought this time would be any different. “They really don’t remember me, do they?” he sighed.

“They do!” she said, taking his hand and interlacing her fingers with his. “They’re just not used to you anymore” said Tamara, trying to reassure him. She could see how upset he was, and understood how hurtful this whole thing was, but the boys were allowed to be scared too. Kyle had been away for more than a year now, and the twins had only seen him on a few occasions during that time. For a long time in the beginning, Kyle had been adamant that he didn’t want them visiting him in a mental hospital, and he hadn’t let Tamara bring them with her. Nearly five months had passed before they got to see him for the first time, and he’d been eating so little that he was nearly skeletal, making him almost unrecognisable.  They’d been very withdrawn, and hadn’t wanted to let him hug them. The more he’d tried to win them round, the more distressed they’d become, and she’d had to take them home. Bringing them to visit had been difficult, not just because they were a handful for Tamara to manage on her own, but because each visit had upset Kyle and the boys so much. In the end, the clinic had advised her to stop bringing them, at least until Kyle was feeling a little better. She felt just as sad about it as Kyle did.  The weird thing was that the boys did miss Kyle, and they talked about him all time, asking where he was and when he was coming home. They drew endless pictures of him and talked about ‘daddy’ all the time. They obviously felt his absence just as much as she did. They’d been excited about him coming home all week and they’d made ‘welcome home’ cards together. She’d hoped that they might handle his arrival a little better than this, but she knew that it would just take a little time to get used to him being around again. “Just come and sit down”, she said to Kyle, leading him to the couch and sitting down beside him, “Let them come to you…”

Joanne gave them both a sympathetic look and rocked Tommy in her arms. “It’s okay, baby” she said, “It’s okay”.  Jamie sat back down on the floor and started to play with one of the cars again, glancing nervously at Kyle every now and then out of the corner of his eye.

Tamara leaned her head on Kyle’s shoulder, and smiled at Jamie, who was regarding his father with great suspicion, and said, “Daddy’s home”.

*****

Another 4 days later…

“Dinner in 5 minutes, guys!” shouted Kat, as she stood at the back door, and gave them a big smile. She walked back into the kitchen, and put her arm around Tamara’s shoulder, and they both gazed out the window at the two boys enjoying a beer together out in the garden. “He looks like he’s doing really well” said Kat, giving Tamara a supportive smile. Tamara nodded her head and sighed, “I’m just so relieved that he’s home.”

“Were the boys happy to have their daddy back?” said Kat. “I know you’ve been worried about that.”

“Not at first, but they’re coming round” she said, giving Kat a relieved smile. “It’s just getting them used to having him in the house again. They’ve been so used to it just being the three of us… and those hospital visits really scared them.”  Tamara ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, “Jamie’s a bit braver than Tommy… more curious… He’s been poking and prodding Kyle since day two… but Tommy’s taking his time… I know it’ll be okay when they realise he’s not going anywhere.”

“And he’s new and improved!” laughed Kat, gazing out the window at her friend’s husband. “I still can’t believe the treatment has worked so well! …I mean, he’s like a new man, isn’t he?!”

Tamara glanced sideways at Kat a little mischievously and blushed red. “Yep” she said, smirking a little.

Kat looked at her friend, raising her eyebrows at her, and gave a bit of a dirty laugh. “Really?!” she said, “Already?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘already’ Kat! …I mean it’s been more than a year… but yeah… I mean, it just felt… ‘right’.”

*

“Do you want to see it?” asked Kyle, looking at Andy with an air of amusement. “I’ll show it to you if you want” he said, smirking a little. Everyone always wanted to have a look when he told them about it. Everyone at Sinclair had wanted to see it as soon as he’d got back from hospital. He couldn’t blame them. Curiosity is a natural thing.

Andy grimaced a little at the thought of it, but the truth was that he was curious, and he did want to see, so he nodded his head. “Go on then, show me” he said, laughing a little nervously.

Kyle lifted his shirt up a little on one side and pointed to the sort of rectangular shape that was visible under the skin on his abdomen. It was about the size of a stopwatch and clearly visible under his flesh. “So, this is the neuro-stimulator.” he said, tracing his finger round it lightly to show Andy the outline. “It sends electrical impulses into my spinal column… They link it up with a whole lot of leads and then those are connected to my spine…” He looked up and chuckled a little when he saw the grossed out expression on Andy’s face. He was always a little squeamish. “Basically… It um… it interrupts the pain signals and stops them getting to my brain.”

“That’s so creepy!” said Andy, screwing his face up in an exaggerated way and squirming a little for comic effect. “You’re half robot!”

Tamara had told them all about the surgery that Kyle was to have, and she’d even brought them home copies of the x-rays afterwards to show them the procedure that he’d had done. She’d been really worried about it, and scared that it might go wrong, but she’d been incredibly excited at the same time. It had seemed like the miracle cure that they’d been hoping for all these years. Dr Evans had turned out to be an absolute godsend! He’d shown up when Tamara was beginning to think that all hope was lost, and had plucked them both from the depths of despair. He’d found out about Kyle’s breakdown, and having read his case file, had come to see him in the psychiatric unit at the general hospital. Kyle had been languishing in the general psychiatric ward for nearly five months and he certainly wasn’t looking like he was making any kind of recovery. Kyle had been insisting on having his wrists strapped down at all times, convinced that he was a danger to everyone else, and that he’d end up hurting himself if they let him. He’d become incredibly shut down and depressed, and was finding it very hard to deal with the amount of physical pain he was in. His injuries had been taking a long time to heal, and the pain medication was barely scratching the surface, making his life a living hell. He wouldn’t talk to anyone very much and spent a huge amount of his time staring into space. He’d been getting more and more withdrawn, and Tamara was worried that he’d just stop talking someday, and never speak again. The psychiatric ward was also the most depressing and frightening place he’d ever been. There were people crying and screaming all the time, and he hadn’t had more than a few hours’ sleep since he’d been there. He’d stopped eating and they’d had to force feed him on a number of occasions. Things were looking pretty grim. Dr Evans had suddenly arrived, full of compassion and kindness, and asked Tamara if they would be willing to take part in a clinical trial. He said he was interested in doing a study on the psychological effects of long term opioid use in the treatment of chronic pain, and exploring the efficacy of surgical intervention as an alternative treatment. Essentially, he wanted to see if he could fix Kyle’s mental health problems by taking away his pain. In his view, the source of Kyle’s problems was the excruciating pain he was in, rather than any real mental health issues. Tamara had leapt at the opportunity, agreeing on Kyle’s behalf, especially because Dr Evans had offered to have him transferred to a private psychiatric hospital, and to cover all costs. It had seemed far too good to be true, but he’d been as good as his word, and Kyle had had the best treatment possible. Kyle had been nearly completely pain-free for nearly three months now, and was only taking a low dose of anti-depressants. Andy thought that Kyle was looking better than he had in years.

“Seriously though, mate, I’m so happy it’s working for you” said Andy, giving him a sincere smile. “Just a pity you had to wait so long for it”

Kyle glanced at Andy, hardly able to meet his eyes, and his face flushed red. “I’m so sorry” he said, hanging his head a little. He knew that Andy hadn’t meant it in that way but he couldn’t help thinking of what he’d done to him. If only he’d been able to get this treatment earlier, it might have prevented the whole ‘Phoebe’ psychosis, and Andy wouldn’t have got hurt. Maybe.

Kyle thought back to the time that Andy had come to visit him at Sinclair, and was amazed at the kindness of his friend. He’d been terrified to go and meet him in the family room that day. standing in the corridor outside, and hesitating with his hand on the door handle. His heart had been beating so fast that he’d thought it might burst out through his chest. When he’d closed his eyes, he could still picture Andy lying on the floor of his living-room, tied up and in pain. It made him feel the deepest sense of shame and regret. There was nothing he would ever be able to do to change the fact that he’d tortured his best friend. He knew that Andy had had to have extensive surgery to repair his injured shoulder, so it hadn’t exactly been a minor thing. He’d been scared to face him, and had no idea what he was going to say to him. How do you begin to apologise for something like this?! Walking into that room had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, but he’d eventually opened that door, only to be met by Andy’s kind and smiling face.

He glanced up at Andy apologetically and said, “You know I’d go back and change things if I could… I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know mate” said Andy, giving him a reassuring smile, “It’s okay, Kyle… Seriously, we’ve talked about this… Can you please just stop apologising?! …I just want to move on and be mates again if that’s okay with you.” He put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder and tilted his head at him in a slightly pitying way. “…Okay?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and nodding at him encouragingly.

“I don’t get how you can just forgive me, Andy” said Kyle, shaking his head in disbelief. “I put you through hell… You should hate me.”

Andy smirked a little mischievously. “I seem to remember it was some girl called Phoebe who tied me up… whereas, my old mate Kyle was nowhere to be seen, was he?!” he said, playfully elbowing Kyle a little and ruffling his hair. Seeing the shocked expression on Kyle’s face, he chuckled, “What?... Too soon?!”

Kyle began to laugh, relieved at Andy’s attitude to the whole thing, and grateful to him for failing to sugar coat it. Andy had been the one he’d been most frightened of seeing again, unsure of what he would say to him. But Andy had been incredibly kind and gracious about the whole thing. He was amazed that Andy didn’t seem to hold any ill-feeling towards him.

“I don’t hate you mate… I’ve missed you if I’m honest… A year is really a long time.” said Andy, looking back across the garden, and smiling at Kat as she beckoned for them to come in for dinner.

*****

“Josh, you’d be amazed at how well Kyle is doing! Seriously, mate, it’s incredible!” said Andy, smiling as he walked back and forth across the garden, staring at the ground. He had the phone held to his ear with his good arm and was pretending to walk on a tightrope as he balanced one foot in front of the other. It was at times like these that he really missed Josh and wished that he’d move home to the Bay, but he knew that he and Evie had big city lives now, and they weren’t coming home. They were both working as consultants on the movie, making sure that they stayed near to the truth and didn’t end up sensationalising it. They were about half-way through filming. Andy was pleased that they’d both seemed really excited about it the last time he’d spoken to them, even Evie. He knew that they were happy, and that life in Melbourne was obviously treating them very well, but he missed his little brother. It just would have been nice to kick back with a few beers together, and give themselves a well-deserved pat on the back. “Honestly, Josh, it’s probably the best thing I’ve done in my life. It makes me feel like I might actually be a good person... I mean… he’s been pain-free for three whole months!” he said, smiling from ear to ear, “That thing in his stomach is seriously weird… you can actually see it under his skin… freaky as hell, but it looks like it’s working!”

Josh laughed as he heard the pure joy in his brother’s voice, and a warm feeling of self-satisfaction washed over him too. “Two hundred Gs well spent, then eh?!” he said, smiling as Evie put her arms around his waist and leaned in to kiss him. He felt good about it too, if he was honest, and it had made Evie very happy to know that the money had been put to good use. She’d been relieved to think that the movie hadn’t simply been the fruit of some cold mercenary venture on their part and that they could all be proud of what they’d done. The sun was shining on his face as he stood out on the balcony of his apartment, with Evie’s arms around his waist, and he felt so happy that he thought he could burst. How far removed his life seemed from the carnage left behind by Tank five years ago! He felt grateful to be standing here fit and healthy, with Evie by his side, basking in the sunshine, and when he thought about what they’d done with the money from the movie deal, he didn’t regret their decision at all. Life was good. “You haven’t told him though have you? I mean we’re not telling him… ever? Are we?” he said, just making sure that Andy wasn’t going to get carried away and end up blurting it out some evening.

“God no!” said Andy. “You know he’d lose it if he ever found out… We haven’t even told Tamara… and we’re never going to… As far as they’re concerned, that doctor just wanted him for his medical trial… Understood?

“Yes, Andy, understood” said Josh sarcastically, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated way at his brother on the other end of the phone, “It was me who said we should keep it a secret in the first place! I certainly won’t be calling Tamara or Kyle anytime soon to blow the whole thing…I’m more worried you’ll be having a few beers with Kyle and decide to tell him.”

“I won’t.” said Andy, shaking his head adamantly for his own benefit. “I’m just so glad that something positive has come out of this whole thing… I mean, it kinda makes me feel like things have come full circle. Kyle should never have had to suffer like that… Thank God for that movie deal! …I just wish we could have fixed things for him earlier.”

“Yeah, well… You know it was never about the money for me… I just felt like I needed something good to come out of what Tank did… I’m just glad we found a way to help Kyle.  I’m still amazed that that Dr Evans went along with it…”

“Well, Nate can be pretty persuasive when he wants to be” said Andy, laughing a little. “I was talking to Nate the other day. He said Evans was impressed by the fact that we were willing to give away all our money to help our friend… and I suppose he did get a fully funded case study out of it… so he can’t really complain.”

Evie leaned in and whispered in Josh’s ear that they needed to get ready to go, because they were meeting friends for dinner.  “Yeah, I know” said Josh, smiling at Evie. “Listen, mate, I’ve gotta go… but say hi to Kyle and Tamara for me, and tell Kyle I’m glad he’s feeling better!”

As he hung up the phone, Andy smiled to himself, thinking how much that book of Josh and Evie’s had benefited them all. Dr Evans had really only agreed to help them because he’d read the book, and felt sorry for them all for what they’d been through. It had made him take pity on Kyle, and made him more willing to listen when a contingent of Kyle’s very worried friends had showed up asking for help. Andy knew that Kyle had actually read the book while he was at the Sinclair Clinic as part of his therapy, under the supervision of his counsellors. Confronting it, and piecing together the chain of events properly for the first time, had helped him come to terms with things. It was probably what had spurred him on to write apology letters to both Josh and Evie, telling them that he was sorry for his behaviour when he’d last seen them, and that he had no objections to the movie being made if it was in keeping with the book. The truth was that the movie was already underway at that stage, and the proceeds of the movie deal had been put towards his private treatment in the best psychiatric facility they’d been able to find. They’d also paid for his surgery. If only Kyle knew how important that book had been for all of them, and how big a part it had played in his recovery… But they were never going to tell him…

*****

6 days later again…

Kyle threw Tommy up in the air, and caught him again as he came back down, squealing with laughter. Jamie was squinting up at his brother in the bright sunlight, waiting his turn. Kyle couldn’t stop smiling. They’d certainly gotten over their shyness now and would hardly leave him alone for a moment. From morning till night they were climbing all over him, and poking and prodding at him. They’d been fascinated by his neuro-stimulator, poking their little fingers at it, and trying to figure out what it was. He’d explained that it was a little box under his skin, like a tv remote control, and that it stopped him from feeling bad. They’d looked with interest at the numerous scars on his arms, and on his stomach, and Tommy had looked at his daddy with a worried little face. “Does it hurt?” he’d asked, peering at the particularly big scar on Kyle’s abdomen. Kyle had simply shaken his head, and jabbed a finger at it to show them that it didn’t. He didn’t know how he was going to explain all his scars to the boys when they were older. It would certainly make for an interesting story. Where would he even start? ‘So… Daddy thought he was a woman called Phoebe…” He laughed to himself at how ridiculous it all seemed now.

He picked Jamie up and started to fly him like an airplane around the garden, making a “neeeeeee” airplane sound as he went. Jamie giggled like a maniac, and Tommy laughed as he ran alongside them with his arms stuck out, mimicking his brother.

Kyle glanced at the barbecue as they ran past, and thought it would be nice to have a few people over for dinner some evening. That was assuming that anyone would want to come to the house of a crazed lunatic… After all, what’s to say you wouldn’t end up drugged, and tied up, and held hostage instead?! He knew that Andy hadn’t been back since it happened and he wondered if he was really dealing with things as well as he seemed to be. He certainly didn’t seem too keen to come visit at Kyle and Tamara’s house, and so far he’d managed to make Kyle come over to his instead on three separate occasions. He couldn’t really blame him, but if it was going to be like this, then they’d have to move eventually. Maybe they’d just have a barbecue tonight with Tamara’s folks instead?

He set Jamie down, panting a little, and walked towards the house to suggest it to Tamara. Suddenly, he saw her appear at the back door. She had her right hand behind her back, hiding something from him, and was biting her lip in that worried way she always did.

“Kyle, I want you to sit down” she said, indicating one of the patio chairs with a nod of her head. He sat down and gave her a quizzical look. Seeing how nervous she looked, he began to worry that something was wrong.

“I found something” said Tamara, her voice shaking a little. “I wasn’t sure what to do with it… I thought maybe I should throw it out… but somehow that didn’t seem right.”

“What is it?” said Kyle, wondering what she could have found that was freaking her out so badly. He could see now that she had a large paper shopping bag in her hand. “Seriously, Tam, you’re worrying me now… What’s in the bag?”

“It’s um… it’s a jacket… I found it in the boys’ room… under the mattress in the spare bed” she said, glancing at him with concern. She wasn’t sure if he would remember putting it there or not. “It’s um… a red leather jacket.”

A cold chill ran down his spine as a flashback of the day he’d come home from Angelo’s ran through his mind. He’d had that fight with Jenny outside the restaurant, scaring the poor girl half to death, as he’d wrestled Phoebe’s jacket off her. When he’d tried to go after her to apologise, another waitress had smashed into him with a tray, and nearly laid him out flat. Andy had driven him home, and he’d clutched that jacket, inhaling Phoebe’s scent the whole way. Too ashamed to let his mother-in-law see it, he’d stashed it under the mattress, and with the sudden appearance of cruel ‘Phoebe’ that evening, he’d forgotten it was there. It was this jacket that had started it all. It had acted as the trigger, unlocking the deep feelings of guilt that he’d been carrying around with him subconsciously for far too long.

He held out his hand and Tamara tentatively gave him the bag as though it contained some volatile substance that might explode if handled too roughly. “Are you sure?” she asked, tilting her head at him. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

He looked at the paper bag and wondered if it would have the same power over him as before. “I’ll be okay, Tam.” he said, belying the anxious feeling that he had in the pit of his stomach. “It’s just a jacket” he said as he reached in and pulled it out. He began to smile as a feeling of relief washed over him. It was just a red leather jacket. It was Phoebe’s jacket, and he missed her, but in the end, it was just a jacket. Looking at it now, he thought about the beautiful girl he’d once known, and the terrible way in which she’d died, and felt a profound sadness deep in his heart. The world had lost something really special when Phoebe died. She was really gone.

He looked up at Tamara, who was watching him intently, looking for signs of madness, and he gave her a reassuring smile. “I have an idea” he said, standing up and putting the jacket back in the bag. “Can we go for a drive?”

Tamara watched as Kyle made his way among the gravestones with the paper carrier bag in his hand. She sat in the car with the boys and waited. He’d asked if he could do this on his own. She could see him in the distance, crouching at Phoebe’s grave, and she could see that he was tidying up the dead flowers and clearing away the weeds. She could also see that he was talking to her, running his fingertips over the name etched in the headstone in a loving and intimate kind of way. There was a tenseness in her stomach as she watched him at the graveside but she couldn’t quite understand why. Then, suddenly she realised, feeling thoroughly ashamed of herself, that what she was feeling was jealousy! She was actually jealous of a dead woman’s relationship with her mentally fragile husband. She put her hand up to massage the temples of her forehead, wondering at herself, and began to laugh a little at the ridiculousness of it all.

Glancing up again, she saw a blond man standing beside Kyle, and watched with interest as they chatted to each other. From the topknot hairstyle, a little blurry in the distance, she guessed that it was Ash. What with all the running back and forth to the city to see Kyle, and trying to look after the boys, as well as manage her own work, she hadn’t seen Ash in a while. He certainly looked better than the last time she’d seen him. His skin looked a healthier tone and he was clean and well dressed.

Kyle suddenly stood up and threw his arms around Ash, pulling him into a tight embrace. She watched, a little surprised, as it became clear that both of them were crying. The hug seemed to go on for an uncomfortably long period of time, and she had to look away, feeling a little embarrassed, and almost like some kind of voyeur watching them like this from the car. She looked down at her wedding ring, and smiled to herself, when she thought about the Kyle that she’d married a few years ago who couldn’t have hugged another man like that. Counselling seemed to have changed him in many ways, mostly for the better. She looked back up at them and saw that they were both facing the grave again, and Kyle had his arm across Ash’s shoulder, holding him pulled in close in an affectionate way. She hoped that they might give each other the support that they needed, as the only two people who really understood the other one’s torment. As they walked away from the grave, she saw that Kyle had placed the jacket around the gravestone, as though it was wearing it, and as they walked towards the car she could see the smiles of relief on both of their faces. For the first time in a long time, these two tortured souls almost looked happy.

 

 

 

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