Blind Sided

[Ludub]

Once again, thanks to KittCatt, Kristen, and ~JarlieFanEver~ for the lovely comments. It's always great to get feedback and nice to know that people are reading and enjoying the story. Hope you lIke this chapter! 

 

CHAPTER 21

Evie sat beside Josh on the couch, in silence, glancing at him nervously every now and then. He had his head in his hands so she couldn't see his face, and had made it pretty clear he didn't want to be touched. He wasn't talking to her right now and, every time she'd tried to take his hand, he'd pulled it away angrily.

Josh had never felt more disappointed in the people he loved, or more betrayed in his life. That his brother and his girlfriend would doubt him so easily and fail to support him when he'd been through such a terrible ordeal, made him feel so isolated and powerless. If he couldn't count on Andy and Evie, who could he turn to? 

To say that the interview with Kat had not gone well would be an understatement. He had done his best to explain to her what had happened, desperately trying to recall the events of that night through a Swiss cheese memory. He remembered certain aspects so well they made him sick to his stomach, but others were vague and sketchy. He figured he must have been slipping in and out of consciousness and losing chunks of time. He had no way of identifying his kidnapper with not even a voice to go on. He knew there was very little chance of them catching him but he needed someone to listen to him, to believe him, to not think he was crazy or making it up... He had hoped that Kat might be more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt...

Telling Kat what had happened had taken every bit of strength that he had. He was so tired, both emotionally and physically. Talking about it had brought it all back, the raw visceral fear he had felt in the moment of the kidnap, the terrifying snatches of memories that made his blood turn to ice, the utter helplessness he had felt when he had woken up out there... His heart had been racing just thinking about it and he'd  had to fight to keep his composure throughout the interview. He felt so many emotions at the same time,  swirling around, so much anger, and fear, and resentment. That no one believed him, when it would have been so clear how much he was struggling with this, was soul destroying.

The whole time he had been talking to Kat he had been all too aware of the glances being exchanged by those around him. Before Kat had even got there, Andy and Evie had made it clear that they didn't believe him.  They had then done everything they could to undermine him in front of Kat, and made him look even more paranoid than he already sounded. Kat had taken her lead from Andy and Evie, picking up on their doubts and concerns, and he could tell it had influenced every aspect of the conversation.  All of Kat's questions had been phrased in a way that sounded patronising. She had obviously made up her mind and nothing he could say was going to change that. The general consensus seemed to be that he was having some kind of breakdown and suffering paranoid delusions, possibly exacerbated by some pretty ill advised drug use. He felt that Kat had just been going through the motions throughout the interview, letting him say his piece, and simply humouring the crazy blind kid.  It had been fairly clear that she didn't believe him either.  Listening to Andy say goodbye to her at the door had left Josh seething with anger, and to add insult to injury, Andy had even apologised for wasting her time! 

Josh sat on the couch wondering where to go from here. The events of two nights ago had been one of the most terrifying experiences of his entire life. His blood ran cold when he thought that someone could just walk into his house and take every tiny little bit of control away from him in an instant. That they could overpower him so easily, and do whatever they wanted with him, was more frightening than he could even begin to put into words. The worst part was the fact that they could do it again. There would be nothing he could do to stop them. They could come for him again, and maybe next time he wouldn't make it home to tell the tale.

*****

"Evie, I think you should go home" said Josh, clenching his jaw and talking through gritted teeth. He had never been so angry with her before but he didn't want this to become a massive fight, not tonight, he was too tired.

Evie sighed, and tried once more to take his hand but he pulled it away again. "Josh, I just want to talk to you.  I think we have things we need to talk about, don't you?" 

"Oh, I have things I want to say, Evie!" said Josh, narrowing his eyes at her, "but I think it's best you go home before we both say things we regret". He was breathing heavily, the anger building in his chest, he thought he might explode. He dug his finger nails into the palms of his hands hoping that the temporary pain would distract him from the pure anger he was feeling.

"Go!" he said loudly.

Evie looked at her boyfriend's face, so full of hurt and anger and couldn't help feeling a little guilty for not believing him. She'd assumed he'd been lying this whole time, weaving a tangled web of lies like any good addict, desperately trying to cover for the fact that he'd been using. But as she looked at him now, it became clear it was worse than that, he actually believed it was true! Something must have cracked in that mind of his and he'd actually invented an alternative reality where he was being stalked by some faceless entity. She felt a surge of pity when she thought how frightened he must be. But how could they protect him from something that wasn't real?

"I'll go Josh, but I'll be back in the morning" she said, patting his knee and making him jump a mile high. "Maybe you'll have calmed down by then and we can have a proper talk".

He snorted in derision and shook his head. He wasn't sure he wanted her to come back at all, not if she was going to treat him like this.

She walked to the door and shouted "I'm going now" but stood for a moment looking back at him. He looked so small, so vulnerable, so frightened... She just wished she could do something to help him. 

He listened to her footsteps disappearing just as he had the other evening, but this time, when she was gone, he crumpled into a fit of tears. He pulled his feet onto the couch and put his arms around his knees, making himself into a little ball. He had no idea how he was going to get through tonight. The fear that 'he' would come back was too much to take. He had nowhere to go where he could feel safe. How could he ever sleep in that bed again?

*****

Josh sat on the couch listening to the sounds of the house as things wound down for the evening. Tamara and Kyle had gone to Kyle's room down the hall and he could hear Tamara giggling faintly in the distance. Andy had just finished washing the dishes from dinner and he could hear him pottering about in the kitchen, open and closing drawers and cupboards, as he put things away. He knew that Andy was getting ready to go to bed and before long he would be on his own again. He was dreading it. 

Part of him wanted to stay awake, standing guard in the livingroom, readying himself for a possible house invasion. He contemplated getting a knife from the kitchen and arming himself, just in case 'he' came back. But what good would that do, he wondered. He'd need to be able to see his attacker for it to be of any benefit. He figured he'd probably just end up getting his throat slit with his own knife. 

The other part of him knew he couldn't live like that. He couldn't spend the rest of his life worrying that 'he' would come back to get him. He told himself to pull himself together and go to bed. He'd already made Andy check that all the doors and windows were locked to make sure no one could get in. He knew Andy thought he was being ridiculous but he had humoured him and done it anyway. If he was honest, it hadn't really made him feel any more secure. 

He and Andy were at something of an impasse. Andy didn't believe Josh's story and had made no bones about telling him so. The stress of the last few months had finally caught up with Andy and he couldn't hold it all in any longer. After Evie had gone home, Andy had made a point of sitting Josh down and lecturing him in a sort of 'tough love' fashion. He'd told him that people were getting a little tired of dealing with his never ending drama, and that everything couldn't always be about him. That he, and Evie, and Kyle, all had lives of their own that were complicated and difficult. That he understood that what Josh was going through was really hard, but that they'd done everything they could to support him over the last few months only to have him throw it back in their faces. He said he was disappointed that Josh had turned to drugs, but more annoyed that he persisted in lying about it. He wanted him to face up to his problems and take responsibility.

Josh, for his part, had stood his ground. He knew that he wasn't imagining things, that someone had come into his home, and kidnapped him. Nothing Andy said was going to convince him otherwise. He knew he hadn't voluntarily taken those drugs. He didn't even know what GHB was. He knew that he had been attacked in his own bedroom, chloroformed, kidnapped and drugged. He shuddered to think what else had happened while he was unconscious. He wondered why no one would take him seriously. Surely it seemed more plausible than the alternative? Did they really think he was able to walk all that way to the caravan park on his own, without his cane? He was surprised and disappointed that Andy was so quick to doubt him, so willing to think badly of him. 

They had agreed to disagree and Andy said he would speak to him again in the morning. 

*****

Andy opened his eyes, a little startled by a noise near the door to his bedroom.  As his eyes adjusted to the dark he was just about able to make out a figure standing on the far side of his room. For a second, a terrible thought flashed through his mind. Was Josh telling the truth? Was this the kidnapper? Had he come to get him this time? His heart was thumping in his chest as he watched the dark figure move towards the bed. 

"Andy?" said a voice, in a sort of urgent whisper. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realised in an instant that it was Josh.

"Yeah, mate?" said Andy, trying to hide the fact that he'd been frightened.

"Uh.... ". There was a long pause as Josh faltered, turning back towards the door as though he was listening out for something or trying to decide whether to leave again. "Uh.... can I sleep in here?" continued Josh, the utter humiliation apparent in his voice. 

Andy flicked on the light on his bedside table and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light. He could see how frightened Josh looked now, the anguish and terror on his face. Andy squinted at his brother, standing there, asking to sleep in his room, and thought back to the child Josh had once been. The baby brother he'd always looked out for. He could see him hugging his arms around himself and clearly shaking with fear. 

"Yeah, course mate" said Andy, making space for him on the bed. "Hop in" he said, trying his best to hide his shock . 

It struck him that Josh must be shaken to the core if he'd been driven to this. He knew that Josh's pride would be in tatters. That asking to sleep in his brother's bed, at nineteen years old, was a whole other level of humiliation that Josh would find hard to deal with. It made him question the whole kidnap thing. Maybe Josh had been telling the truth?! He had been almost sure that Josh was making this whole thing up to cover for his drug use, but seeing the state he was in now, he knew that Josh genuinely believed it was true. He truly believed that there was someone stalking him, and that he'd been kidnapped.  The fact that he believed it, didn't make it true though, thought Andy. It just meant that Josh thought the threat was real. 

Josh walked slowly, shuffling forward with his hands out in front of him. He wasn't as familiar with the layout of Andy's room and was trying to judge the distance to the bed as best he could. He hit the edge of the bed with his shin and sat down with a heavy sigh. 

Andy sat up and put his hand on Josh's shoulder, making him flinch. "Mate, what's going on?".

"I just can't sleep in there" said Josh in a trembling voice that sounded thoroughly defeated. He was ashamed that it had come to this. He felt so utterly pathetic that he'd had to ask this of Andy, especially after the speech that Andy had given him earlier. 

"I'm so scared" said Josh, in a small broken voice. A tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away angrily. He wondered what Andy must think of him, how pitiful he must seem. "Sorry about this" he said, flushing red with embarrassment.

Andy gave Josh's shoulder a squeeze. "It's okay mate... It's what I'm here for!." said Andy, regretting every word of what he'd said to him earlier, the 'tough love' had been far too harsh. How could he have spoken to him like that?

"C'mon, mate, let's get some sleep." said Andy lying back on his side of the bed trying to make this seem as normal as possible. 

Josh lay back too, and breathed a sad sigh. He was exhausted mentally and physically. He hadn't slept at all since the night of the kidnap, and he was still feeling the after effects of the drugs and the seizure. As he lay in the bed beside Andy, the embarrassment gave way to an overwhelming need to close his eyes. He had to admit that there was something comforting about being in Andy's bed, beside his big brother, drifting off to sleep just like he had as a small child. 

Andy watched him as he fell asleep, shaking his head sadly. He hadn't shared a bed with Josh since he'd been about eight years old. As he looked at him now, it was like going back in time, as though he was looking at his eight year old brother who'd come to him because he'd had a nightmare. He might as well have been wearing Star Wars pyjamas. Josh was so fragile these days, so scared and vulnerable... terrified of some faceless monster. He wished he could simply plug in a night light for him and tell him the monsters weren't real. 

Switching the bedside lamp off and rolling over to go to sleep, he decided he would have another talk with Josh in the morning and that he would try to be a little more open minded this time... 
 

[Ludub]

Thanks everyone for the kind comments. As always, much appreciated! Hope you enjoy this chapter. 

CHAPTER 22

Kyle sat beside Tamara in the waiting room at the hospital, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze every so often. He knew she was on edge and seemed to want silence for now, so he was keeping quiet and just being there for her as best he could. He was nervous too. He knew she'd been putting on a brave face this whole time, pretending she didn't care if things didn't go her way, but he knew that she desperately wanted to see. He knew she'd be crushed if the surgery hadn't worked, if she'd gone through all this again for nothing. She'd kept telling him that she'd accepted being blind and that she knew in her heart that the surgery hadn't worked, but he couldn't help feeling that she'd been protesting too much. He knew a large part of her was holding out for a miracle cure. On some level, he was too. He wanted her to be able to see. He thought she was amazing just the way she was, often watching in awe as she navigated her darkened world. He was impressed at her confidence and her refusal to let her blindness define her. He knew he was falling in love with her all over again, falling in love with this new Tamara, this strong, proud, fiercely independent woman who happened to be blind. He knew it wouldn't really matter to him if she was blind or not, he would be onboard either way... But he knew that life would be so much easier for her if she could see. He didn't want her life to be full of struggle if it didn't have to be. 

"Tamara Kingsley" called the doctor, looking around the waiting room.

"Here goes" said Tamara getting to her feet. She gave Kyle a nervous half-smile and motioned with her head for him to come in with her. She didn't want to do this alone, and if by some miracle she could see, she wanted his to be the first face she saw.

Kyle and Tamara made their way into the room, following behind the doctor.  He told her to hop up on the bed and Kyle stood beside her, awkwardly, not sure where to place himself. Tamara chewed her bottom lip the way she always did when she was nervous, and held on to Kyle's hand that little bit tighter. He could see how nervous she was. Kyle rubbed her arm, in an attempt to reassure her, leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. 

The doctor organised his equipment and rolled over a little treatment table. "So, Tamara, let's have a look at you" he said. He began to cut the bandages at the side of her head and unwrapped the first layer of bandages off, leaving two large thick pads covering each eye. He removed each one carefully and then, indicating a light switch on the wall, asked Kyle to turn off the lights.

"Okay, Tamara..." he said, "I want you to slowly open your eyes if you can."

Tamara took a deep breath. She thought about the other times she'd gone through this. She still remembered the crushing disappointment of opening her eyes to the darkness, to know that it hadn't worked, that it would never work. She was scared to do it again. 

Kyle gave her hand a squeeze, "I'm here" he said, "It'll be okay".

She slowly opened her eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by the searing brightness of the light in the room.  She had to close her eyes again, hit by a wave of nausea, and shaking at the realisation that the surgery had worked. She took her hand from Kyle's and gripped the edge of the bed, feeling like she needed to steady herself. She took another deep breath and forced her eyes open again. The brightness was almost unbearable, painful even, but she wasn't sure what she was seeing, if she was even really seeing... She tried to make sense of the scene in front of her, to identify shapes, to understand what she was looking at, but it was all so blurred and scrambled. 

"Kyle!?" she called, sounding frightened. A blurred image materialised in front of her, appearing out of nowhere, leaving a trail of identical images behind it. It was like there were multiple versions of the same blurred image, layered, one on top of the other, and they were all moving. She couldn't concentrate, it was making her feel sick and disoriented. She had to close her eyes.

"This isn't right!" she said, the fear and confusion evident in her voice. "I can see something, but it's not right!... I feel sick!".

The doctor glanced at Kyle with a concerned look on his face, and put his hand on Tamara's hand, still clamped to the side of the bed. "It can be scary at first, Tamara. Seeing again after such a long time can be difficult. The brain takes a little while to readjust to all the new sensory information..."

"I dont think it's just that" said Tamara, her eyes closed tight, and shaking her head emphatically. "It's like everything's blurred... and... double... and delayed..."

The doctor frowned, and made some notes in his file. "It may just take some time for things to settle Tamara.... Hopefully your vision will correct itself gradually..."

"You mean... it might not?!" asked Kyle looking worried. He could see how frightened Tamara was and he was a little taken aback at the doctor's blasé attitude towards her, especially when she was so clearly distressed.

"Well... it should... hopefully.... There is a chance it might not.  Some people with head injuries like yours do develop double vision and other sight defects.... but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." He could see how concerned Kyle looked and how unhappy Tamara was. He patted her hand again and said, "You should be celebrating Tamara! We've taken the hardest step... You came in here blind a week ago, and now you can see!".

"This isn't seeing!" said Tamara through gritted teeth. She opened her eyes again for a few seconds but the nausea she felt was overwhelming. "What am I supposed to do?!"

"You'll have to take it slowly. No bright light for a good while... Build up your resistance gradually... get your brain used to seeing again."  He closed her file and started to get up, nodding to Kyle to help Tamara to her feet. "Now, the OT will see you in a few minutes, and then the rehabilitation nurse will see you as well before you leave. We'll review again in a fortnight and see how you're getting on."

*****

Kyle and Tamara arrived home to find Josh and Andy in the livingroom with Kat. Andy had called Kat, asking her to speak to Josh again about the kidnap. He said he'd had time to think about it and that some aspects of it didn't make sense. He had gradually been won over by the fact that Josh believed it so firmly and had unwaveringly told the same story, over and over, to anyone that would listen. The fact that he hadn't taken his cane with him had been the detail to swing it for Andy, he couldn't see how he would have made it to the caravan park on his own. Josh's obvious fear and anxiety over the whole thing had also gone a long way to convincing him. Having watched him sleep in the bed beside him, he'd come to the conclusion that no drug habit in the world would have reduced his brother to this much of a quivering wreck. There had to be more to it. 

Kat closed her notebook and said "We might need you to come down to the station to make a formal statement, Josh". They'd just finished the interview and Kat was going to take a look around the property for signs of forced entry. 

She still didn't think Josh's story held much water, but she'd been wrong the time before, so she'd tried to take some of Andy's comments on board. It did seem unlikely that Josh could have made it to the caravan park on his own, but that didn't mean he hadn't gone there with someone voluntarily. She knew he was suffering from PTSD so she'd contacted his counsellor to understand what that involved. From what he'd said she thought Josh could be imagining it, creating a fantasy, possibly suffering some sort of psychotic break from reality... 

He just seemed so genuine though. His story had been full of holes, but he had been consistent with what he did remember. He hadn't changed his story from what he had told her yesterday. She had checked her notes as he recounted his story again, he had seemed both clear and lucid. One thing that had rung alarm bells for her was that he'd refused to undergo a physical examination, flaring up in anger when she'd suggested it. It struck her that he was genuinely afraid that something had happened when he was unconscious, but too frightened to deal with that possibility. He didn't strike her as someone who was crazy, but it was clear that something had Josh well and truly spooked. She looked at him with pity as he relayed his story for the second time, struggling with the trauma of saying it all out loud again.  She wasn't sure which would be better, that he had really been kidnapped and drugged by some unknown assailant, or that he had taken leave of his senses and imagined the whole thing. Either scenario would be terrifying.

Kat went outside to have a look around the outside of the house leaving the others in the livingroom. Josh sat forward with his head in his hands, sighing heavily. Talking to Kat again had taken a lot out of him, and in many ways she had just made things a lot worse. Now he had new fears whirring around his head. What had happened when he was unconscious?!

*****

Andy made eye contact with Kyle across the room as he led Tamara into the livingroom and helped her find the armchair. He knew they'd been to the city today to find out about Tamara's eyesight. Given that she was wearing dark glasses and letting Kyle lead her, he figured things didn't look too good. He raised his eyebrows at Kyle, silently questioning him. Kyle shook his head, frowning, not sure what Tamara wanted to tell them right now.

Josh had heard them come in, so he lifted his head from his hands and said "Well, how did it go?", not sure he really wanted the answer, not today.

"Um, well... Tamara..."  Kyle started to say, but Tamara jumped in, interrupting him.

"Same old story... Didn't work... just like I knew it wouldn't" she said, bitterly. She didn't have the energy to talk about it with Josh and Andy, not tonight. She wasn't sure how she felt about it all. It was like being blind, without being blind. What use was being able to see if you couldn't keep your eyes open, let alone make sense of what you're seeing? She was angry, and sad, but secretly hopeful, all at the same time. Telling Josh about it all would just feel like rubbing salt in his wounds. It just seemed so ungrateful for her to be unhappy and impatient about this when she at least had a chance now that her sight would return to normal. She decided she'd tell Josh later, he had enough to deal with right now.

Kyle looked at Tamara in surprise, but he understood her need to keep it to herself for now so he didn't say anything. He gave her hand a squeeze to reassure her of his complicity.

"I'm really sorry, Tamara" said Josh. He felt sad for Tamara but he also felt a little guilty at the flicker of relief he felt . He wasn't sure he could really be happy for Tamara if she had got her sight back, it would just have thrown his own misery into even sharper contrast.

Andy was relieved too and he found it hard to hide it.  He had watched Josh's reaction and he could see the relief on his face. Things were hard enough for Josh at the moment.  He didn't need Tamara getting some miracle cure on top of everything else. He managed to say "yeah, I'm sorry too Tamara, that must be rough".

"It is what it is" said Tamara. Kyle leaned in and kissed her on the top of the head, and she leaned in against him, putting her head on his shoulder. 

*****

"There are footprints outside your bedroom window" said Kat walking back in the front door. "Footprints outside Josh's window... They look like size 10, sports shoes". She was surprised that she'd found something that might actually support Josh's story.  She'd expected to do a quick scan of the property so she could tick the box and dismiss the whole thing as drug fuelled fantasy. She hadn't expected this. There were footprints in the mud outside Josh's window and what looked like a handprint in the unwashed window glass. She took out her radio and called in to ask for forensic assistance. "This is officially a crime scene now" said Kat.

Josh sat back against the couch, running his fingers through his hair, and shuddering a sigh of relief. He could feel the tears welling up as he realised he'd been right all along. He hadn't actually expected Kat to find anything. On some level he had been terrified that they might all be right, that he really was losing his mind. He had been focused on making Andy and Evie believe him, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he too had had his doubts. He had wanted so badly for them to believe him, to understand and share his fears...to get why he was slowly falling apart. But now that he knew it was true, he was even more frightened. There really was someone out there, intent on terrorising him and frightening him half to death. What was he going to do now? 

Andy put his hand on Josh's knee as he realised he had been wrong again. He had doubted Josh again, failed him again, when he had needed him most. "What can I say, Josh. I'm really sorry." said Andy feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. "You'd be right to hate me right now" he said, feeling thoroughly ashamed of himself. He wondered how he could ever make it up to him? 

[Ludub]

Thank you Kristen, ~JarlieFanEver~, and KittCatt for the kind comments. It's lovely that you take the time to write, and as always, much appreciated. I'm enjoying writing this so much more than I ever expected, so thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy this chapter  

P.S. Don't think I'll have time to update again for a few days, sorry!

CHAPTER 23

Evie flew in the door of John's house, out of breath, having run the whole way over. Andy had phoned her to explain the situation, that Josh had been telling the truth and that they were now neck deep in a police investigation.  They'd had to leave their house, now closed off as a crime scene. Kyle had called John, lying about a broken pipe and flooding, and asked if they could stay in his place while he was away. 

To say she felt terrible about it would be an understatement. It was as though Andy had just kicked her in the stomach, she felt sick with guilt. She had promised herself that she would always stand by Josh after they had got back together, but it seemed she had fallen at the first hurdle. He had needed her to help him, to trust him, to believe in him, and all she had done was accuse him of things he hadn't done. He had been terrorised in his own home, where he was supposed to feel safe, and she had tried to make him think he had imagined it. She couldn't even begin to comprehend how he must be feeling. She tried to put herself in his shoes, to imagine being attacked in the dark by someone you can't see, who doesn't speak to you, who drugs you,  and then does God knows what to you... She shuddered to think. How would you ever go to sleep again?!

The guilt was overwhelming. That he had gone through all that, the trauma of it all, and to then have no one believe him was unforgivable. She was supposed to be the person he turned to, the person he could count on... Why had she been so quick to doubt him?

"Josh! Josh, I am so sorry!" she said, kneeling down beside the couch where he was sitting. She tried to take his hand but he pulled it away,  and clenched his jaw in anger. He closed his eyes, clearly trying to control his temper, just like Mark had taught him.

"I'm not interested" said Josh through clenched teeth. He couldn't forgive her so easily. She had let him down in the worst way possible and he didn't know if he would be able to get past it. He felt the sting of betrayal so intensely. She was the one person he had needed to believe him more than anyone, the one person he had thought he could count on. She should have known him better than that. He thought she must think very little of him if she couldn't put her trust in him, and that hurt more than he could put into words right now. He wanted to hurt her like she'd hurt him.

"Josh, you have every right to be angry with me" said Evie, cautiously putting her hand on his knee. He pushed her hand away, and started to get to his feet.

"You know what?! Yeah, I'm angry, Evie." shouted Josh. "How could you do that to me?!" He was breathing hard, his heart racing in his chest. "I needed you" he said, angrily blinking back tears.

"I know, Josh!" she said, flushing red. She knew it was true.  He'd needed her and she'd failed him. She tried to put her arms around his waist but he pushed her away, reaching for his cane that was folded on the sofa.

"Josh, I can't change what I did" she said, her voice breaking. She could see the hurt in Josh's face and she just wanted to reach out to him, to hug him,  and make him feel safe. "I love you, Josh! I was just scared".

"You love me?!" growled Josh. He spat the words at her in disgust. "You love me?!... You think I'm a liar, Evie. You think I can't be trusted.... You think I'm a drug addict that makes up stories to scare my family... How can you love that?!" He was shaking now, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I thought you were ill, Josh. I thought you were ill!" sobbed Evie, trying again to take his hand. She couldn't stand not bring able to touch him. Since he'd lost his sight, it was the only way she could really communicate her feelings to him. The lack of eye contact was difficult sometimes, squeezing his hand or stroking his arm had had to take its place. 

"I was scared, Josh. I didn't think you meant to lie, I just thought you were ill. I thought you were imagining things... Like that dream you had... I thought maybe you'd been sleepwalking...". She was sobbing uncontrollably now, hardly getting the words out. 

"I know I've let you down, Josh! Don't you think I know that?!" She put her face in her hands.  "I would do anything to go back and change things... but I can't..."

"I would have believed you" said Josh, his chin trembling as he tried not to cry. "When you needed help, Evie... I came for you"

She hung her head in shame. she knew he was right. She'd been so quick to think badly of him, to think he was using again, she'd all but abandoned him in his dark and scary world to deal with this on his own. 

"I know Josh! I'm sorry!" she said between sobs. She put her arms around herself since Josh so obviously wouldn't let her put them round him. "I don't know what else I can say"

As he listened to her cry, he started to feel sorry for her, getting a glimpse of how hard this must have been for her.  He thought how ridiculous this whole story must have seemed to her, how far fetched. It must have seemed like he was completely delusional. He tried to put himself in her place, to see himself through her eyes. She'd just been told that her boyfriend had PTSD and that he might have set the kitchen on fire while he'd been sleepwalking.  She knew how much he'd been affected by that dream, and the attack at Angelo's. The threat of some faceless figure hanging over him, constantly in his mind, had made him jumpy to the point where it was difficult for even Evie to touch him.. And then there was his history of drug abuse... and the fact he'd lied about it before... The more he thought about it, he couldn't really blame her for thinking what she did... or Andy for that matter. He was angry with them for it, but, in many ways, he did understand.

He sat down on the arm of the couch, letting out a defeated sigh. He was too tired for this. Too tired to fight with her. He needed her and he knew that. He didn't want to be this frightened person, quaking in his shoes, sleeping in his brother's bed because he was too scared to sleep on his own. He wanted her beside him, to hold him in her arms. He needed to feel safe, to know he had someone with him, someone who could see when he couldn't...

He slumped, exhausted on the arm of the couch, hanging his head. "Evie" he said quietly, reaching out his hand to her, surrendering himself to his greater need for comfort. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze as she moved in close to him. She leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. He didn't push her away this time so she threw her arms around him and pulled him in so his head was on her chest. She could feel him crying softly, his body shaking, as he shut his eyes tight, trying to stifle the tears. She looked down at his face as she held him, and breathed a sigh of relief. She sat down beside him on the arm of the couch, and put her head on his shoulder. Taking his hand, she started playing with his fingers, knowing it was something that always helped to calm him.  She wondered how he had been able to forgive her again, when she'd hurt him so much. When she thought how much she'd let him down, she wasn't sure she deserved his forgiveness...

 *****

"Wayne Snelgrove?!" exclaimed Kat. She was on the  phone to Forensics and they'd managed to get fingerprints from the handprint on Josh's window.  

She felt a pang of guilt when she thought how dismissive she had been of Josh's story. Treating a victim statement in this way had been very unprofessional of her. She hadn't seen the handprint the first time she'd been out to the house, with it being so dark, but if she was honest she hadn't really looked properly. She'd been so sure that Josh was making it up she'd only done a very superficial sweep of the exterior of the house. She wondered how she'd missed it. She was angry at herself. She knew she'd screwed up and was worried that it might reflect badly on her if Josh were to go to her superiors and make a complaint. She was going to do her best to make amends now and hope it never came to that.

Tank was in the system because of the original assault on Josh.  They'd also found blonde hairs on Josh's pillow but they would need to get Tank in for questioning in order to take a DNA sample.

"And you're sure about that?" Kat asked the Forensics person on the phone. She wondered why she hadn't even thought of the possibility before, that it was Tank who was terrorising Josh.

"Right, thanks for that. Can you email the results over, please?... Okay, thanks" said Kat hanging up. She looked at Emerson with raised eyebrows and said "This is getting interesting". 

"Wayne Snelgrove?" said Emerson, sitting on the edge of Kat's desk. "The same Wayne Snelgrove that put the Barrett kid in hospital in the first place?...  I thought he was in the psych ward at the hospital?". Emerson hadn't taken much interest in the case until this morning, when Kat had got Forensics involved. It had all seemed like the stuff of fantasies, until Kat had managed to turn up some actual physical evidence. He wondered what was becoming of this town if blind teenagers were being attacked in their own homes and kidnapped.

"I thought so too... " said Kat, reading the original arrest sheet for Wayne Snelgrove on her laptop.  She pulled up his address on the screen and turned to Emerson, "Apparently not!"  Kat stood up, pulling on her cap, and said "Think we'd better pay young Mr Snelgrove a visit,  and see what he has to say for himself."

*****

"Tank!?" said Josh, the look of utter shock and dismay apparent on his face, "But... but... how..." he stammered. Josh was lost for words. He couldn't get his head around it. It had been Tank who had asked for the mediation session, saying that he wanted to make amends. He had said he was sorry, asked for forgiveness, he had even cried... Why would he do this?!  Josh just couldn't understand. The colour had drained from his face and he was fighting a rising wave of nausea.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves, before facing Kat and asking her again.  "Tank did this?!... You're absolutely sure?!" Evie gave his hand a squeeze as they braced themselves for the answer. 

"Yes, Josh, it certainly looks that way." said Kat. She felt terrible for Josh. It was hard to understand why Tank would have done this. He had effectively ruined Josh's life, but hadn't been content to leave it there, he had wanted to inflict psychological torture into the bargain!? 

"Where is he?!" asked Kyle, the rage written on his face. 

Kat looked around the livingroom in John's house, taking in the scene. All of Josh's surrogate family had gathered around him for support and there was a mixture of shock and fury on their faces. Evie was silently sobbing, leaning her head on Josh's shoulder, and holding his hand tightly. Tamara was sitting beside Kyle, with a firm grip on his arm, as though to restrain him. He had his jaw clenched firmly and was breathing very heavily. Ricky was rocking back and forth with baby Casey, furrowing her brow and chewing her bottom lip. Andy was pacing the floor, with both hands pulling at the hair at the back of his head, barely able to control his anger. 

She wasn't sure how to broach the next bit, she knew they weren't going to react well. "We haven't been able to locate him." she said, frowning. 

"What?!" said Andy, spinning round to glare at her. "So he's just out there, walking about somewhere?!" The thought that he could track him down, and beat him to within an inch of his life, certainly crossed his mind.

"We've been to his father's house and neither of them are there. There's a warrant out for his arrest and we have a number of police units out looking for him." said Kat.

"We found his car at his father's house..." she continued,  a little nervously. She looked at Josh, flushing red with shame before continuing again. "There was an empty chloroform bottle in the glovebox... ". she said. She felt guilty when she thought how she had treated this piece of information. When Josh had given his statement, she had pictured some melodramaric scene from a Victorian crime thriller. Chloroform wasn't something she thought a modern day kidnapper would use. "I'm so sorry Josh" she said looking at him with new found sympathy and compassion, "That must have been terrifying!"

Thinking about it, Tank had done very little to cover his tracks, as though he didn't care if he got caught. Or maybe he was just too arrogant to think that he would...

"We checked his house but there was no sign of him or his father..." she said, looking worried. She paused before she continued, unsure whether to share this information or not, given how shaken Josh was. In the end, she decided they should be armed with all the information, that she owed Josh that. She knew she also needed their help if they were going to find him.

"The place looked like it had been ransacked... and his father's car is missing... Greg Snelgrove called in sick to work two days ago. So right now, we're concerned for his father's welfare."

"You think he's kidnapped his father?!" asked Kyle, wondering what sort of psychopath they were dealing with.

"It looks that way, yes.... There were signs of a struggle and a small amount of blood on the hallway floor. We're waiting for confirmation but we think it might be his father's blood." 

She looked at Evie and said "Do you have any idea where Tank might be? Places he might go if he wanted to hide out?"

"I know a few places you can look!" said Evie, suddenly sitting forward, glad to be able to do something constructive. "There's a place he used to crash with some of his scumbag mates". She was speaking quickly as though he might get away if they wasted any more time, scribbling on a piece of paper in front of her. "And there's that place he took me to, out in the country... Josh has the map I sent him on his phone..." She nudged him with her elbow, "Do you still have it Josh?!"

Josh seemed dazed. He was staring straight ahead, unseeing eyes gazing into the distance, nodding slowly.  He was replaying the conversation he'd had with Tank at the mediation meeting. He was trying desperately to understand how this had happened. He wondered how he hadn't known it was him. It was the only thing that really made sense but it had never even crossed his mind. When he thought about the mediation session all he could really remember was Tank sobbing and repeatedly apologising to him. He hadn't seemed deceitful. If anything, he had seemed overcome with remorse. He tried to think if there had been any hint that he wasn't being genuine? He ran the conversation over in his head, again and again, looking for anything that Tank had said or done that would have shown him to be the psychopath that he obviously was. But there was nothing...

"Josh?" said Kat, reaching out and touching his arm gently. She could see he was badly shaken and seemed to have withdrawn into himself.

He turned slowly towards Kat and said "Yeah, I think it should still be in my phone...". He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, handing it to Evie. "You'll have to look for it, Evie...". 

He rubbed his face in both his hands, his shoulders shrugging up and down, as he suddenly erupted into laughter. It was a strange sounding laugh, full of anguish, like something had just broken in his head. "You'll have to look for it, Evie" he repeated in a strange strangled voice, between gasps of laughter, "because I obviously can't!". He was laughing hysterically now, his body shuddering, while the others all watched him, glancing at each other with looks of confusion. Evie looked at him in shock, rubbing her hand up and down his arm in an attempt to reassure him. There was nothing happy or funny about the way he was laughing, if anything it was very unsettling. It was the laughter of someone suddenly released, damaged and broken, from weeks of terror and mental torture.

"Josh, mate, are you okay?!" asked Andy, cautiously putting his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Oh, I'm great, Andy... just great" said Josh, laughing alarmingly, "Why would I not be okay?!"

He tried to picture the scene at the mediation meeting. Him sitting opposite Tank, face to face with the person who had been torturing him all these weeks. He asked himself why he had gone to that meeting? Why had he agreed to it?! He realised now how foolish and pathetic he must have seemed, sitting there, listening to his lies. The humiliation he felt now was overwhelming. Had Tank asked him to come there simply so he could admire the damage he had done up close? Had it given him some sick and twisted pleasure to know that Josh's life had been forever altered because of him? That he would never see again because of what he'd done? Was that what it had been about?! The power to destroy someone's life? 

Josh's face suddenly began to crumple, his chin trembling, and the shudders of laughter turned into sobs. He furiously blinked back tears, wiping angrily at his face. He was on the verge of another panic attack but he was determined to hold it together, unwilling to lose it in front of Kat.

"So what do we do now?" asked Kyle, trying to take the attention off Josh for a moment or two,  to let him compose himself.

"Well, you don't do anything" said Kat, looking at Kyle, and then Andy.  "I'm serious guys! You need to let us deal with this. You'll only land yourselves in hot water and I really don't want to have to arrest you." She looked back and forth between the two of them,  "Have I made myself clear?" she asked firmly.

"I'll make sure they don't do anything stupid" said Ricky, bobbing Casey up and down as she walked back and forth across the room.

Andy glared at her, wondering how she thought she got to dictate what he did or didn't do. She wasn't his wife!  He turned to Kat and said "Well, I won't have to do anything, if you pull your finger out and catch him!"  He stood behind the sofa where Josh was sitting and gave Josh's shoulder a squeeze. He looked at Kat and said "Find him... or we will."

"I'll pretend you didn't say that, Andy." she said, getting to her feet and pulling on her cap. She took the details Evie had written out for her and turned to Andy. "For now, I suggest you focus on looking after your brother.... " she said, glancing at Josh. "And guys... can you keep the doors locked!?"

She patted Josh's hand as she went to leave "We will find him, Josh... I can promise you that."

He nodded, pretending that he believed her. 

 

[Ludub]

Once again, thank you so much for all the feedback!  Always appreciated!

Warning: This chapter is a bit dark. No bad language or sexual content but slightly more adult themes.

CHAPTER 24

Tank leaned foward to rewind a scene on his laptop, clicking the mousepad and dragging the progress bar back to the point in the video that he wanted to watch. This was one of his favourite scenes. When he watched it, he felt a rush of excitement, a tightening in his stomach and in his chest, his heart beating faster. It was exhilarating to have this much power over someone, to hold their lives in your hands, and be able to reduce them to nothing, just because you feel like it. He didn't understand other people with their strange attachments to each other, and their compassion. They were so easily manipulated, so easy to frighten. They were pitiful and weak. He smirked as he watched the video, watching the same part over and over...

"Mmmm..... mmmmm" came a noise from across the room. He turned to look at his father, slumped in the wooden chair behind him. He could see him, wide eyed, staring at the laptop screen with a look of pure horror and disgust. He was clearly straining at the ropes tied so tightly round his chest, making it difficult for him to take in a full breath. His hands were tied behind him and his ankles were taped tightly with gaffer tape to the legs of the chair. He had blood seeping from a wound on his forehead, blinding him in one eye, and his mouth, stuffed full with rags, was covered in gaffer tape. He'd clearly lost quite a lot of blood, his clothes were soaked in it, congealed and sticking to him.

Tank flashed a cruel smile at him, his eyes glinting, thinking he didn't look too well. He could see that he was sweating profusely, and shivering at the same time, and that his skin had taken on a strange grey tone. He wondered how long it would take for him to die just sitting there like that. They'd already been there for two days and he hadn't died yet. Tank had thought it would happen much faster than this, but the process was certainly interesting... Watching him get weaker and weaker, fading in front of him... he was enjoying every moment of it. He'd read somewhere that it took three minutes to die without oxygen, three days without water, and three weeks without food. He did think the food one might have been interesting to watch but that he probably wouldn't get the time to see that one out properly. He knew the police would come looking eventually... 

He stared at his father, grinning from ear to ear, and slowly opened a large bottle of water. He poured himself a glass, lifting the bottle high above the glass theatrically so Greg would be able to see the steady stream of water. Then, lifting the glass to his mouth slowly he took long greedy gulps, letting some of the water run down his chin, culminating in an "aahh" sound, and smacking his lips. He smiled at his father again, wiping the water from his chin. Getting to his feet slowly, he walked over to him, still slumped in the chair. He was carrying the water glass in one hand, now only a third full, and the water bottle in the other. He kneeled down in front of him, looking him directly in the eye, like a predator views its prey. He looked at the glass in his hand, swirling the water round and round, enjoying the fact that his father couldn't take his eyes off it. 

"Sorry, I didn't offer you any,  did I?" said Tank, in a sickly sweet voice. 

He slowly opened the bottle, deliberately taking his time, and went to pour a glass. He suddenly stopped, and a cruel sneer spread across his face. He watched with amusement, as his father eyed the water in desperation, straining against the ropes that were cutting into his chest. He upended the bottle of water, allowing it to glug out, over his father's head. 

Putting on an English accent like something from a period drama, he said "I'm awfully sorry, father, I've been such a terrible host!". His father closed his eyes, shuddering as he sobbed, now soaking wet but dying of thirst. 

Tank stood up again and watched his father sobbing in the chair, his head hanging in despair. He wondered how 'normal' people got their kicks from things like eating out, and going to the cinema, or even having sex. They didn't know what they were missing. Nothing compared to this feeling!

He turned back to his laptop and repositioned the screen so his father would have a better view. He glanced over his shoulder at his father again, smirking at him. He turned up the volume before he pressed play for the fifteenth time today. 

He was watching Josh's panic attack unfolding on the screen in front of him. The one he'd had when he came home from hospital after the kidnap. He watched as Josh closed the door to his bedroom. He could see the colour drain from Josh's face as the awful realisation of what had happened slowly crept in. He watched him slump to the floor, shaking and hyperventilating. The pure terror on his face was better than anything he'd ever seen. He couldn't stop watching it. He had zoomed in so he would catch every little detail. As he watched it, he felt that familiar surge of excitement as Josh collapsed, overcome with fear. There was nothing more exhilarating. Knowing that he'd been able to frighten him this much, that he'd reduced him to this quivering wreck, vomiting on his own bedroom floor? He felt like a God, drunk on the feeling of power and control it gave him. The adrenalin rush was overwhelming. He couldn't get this feeling any other way, and now that he knew how to get it, there was no way he would be able to stop.

"This really is one of the best bits" he said, laughing, as he heard his father moaning behind him. 

"Although this is episode 10, so you're jumping in a bit late in the story... If you're going to watch a show, you really should start at the beginning!" said Tank, opening a folder on his laptop with multiple video files labeled "Episodes 1-14". He glanced at his father, snorting as he took in the pitiful sight, before clicking on Episode 1. "I think you'll enjoy this one!", he said, smiling to himself in the blue flickering light of his laptop.

*****

"Evie?" said Josh, giving her arm a little shake. "Are you awake?"

Evie opened her eyes, squinting to adjust them to the light. "I am now" she said sleepily, reaching her arms above her head to stretch. The events of yesterday suddenly came flooding back as she registered where she was. They were in Jett's room and Josh was sitting up on the edge of the bed, already dressed.

"Josh?!" she said, sitting up, suddenly startled. "Is everything ok!?"

He gave her a huge smile. Caressing the side of her face, he found her mouth with his thumb, and then leaned in to kiss her. "You know what, Evie? It actually is..."

"Em... okay?" she said, frowning and knitting her brow. After everything that had happened yesterday it didn't make sense for him to be so happy. He'd been so shaken up and distressed that he'd been tossing and turning all night. Looking at the smile on his face now, it was all very unsettling. He had her really worried. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked reaching for his hand.

"I'm good, Evie..." he said, smiling again and shaking his head in wonder. He was surprised too. "I haven't felt this good in so long". 

He leaned in to kiss her again but she put her hand on his chest to hold him back. She looked at his face, studying it with concern. She hadn't seen him look this happy since before he went blind. She couldn't understand why he was smiling like this,  "Josh, you're scaring me now... What's going on?!" she said, brushing the hair back from his eyes.

He took her hand and interlaced his fingers with hers. He let out a big sigh, and smiled. "I don't have to be afraid anymore, Evie!...I don't!"

"I've been thinking about it all night... The last few weeks I've been more frightened than anyone should ever be. There were times when I thought the fear would kill me. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I've been afraid to trust my own mind..." 

He picked up her hand, still intertwined with his, and kissed her knuckles. His eyes were shining as he spoke.

"I just feel so relieved.... I can't really explain it... Maybe I shouldn't be relieved... but I am." He shook his head again, smiling and breathing out a huge sigh.  

"It's like I've had this faceless monster stalking me, following me... torturing me... That was the worst bit, that I didn't know who they were, or even if they were real! They'd become some kind of mythical creature in my mind, something that could materialise out of nothing... Some Freddy Kruger kind of boogieman who was gonna come get me as soon as I closed my eyes!"

"I'm exhausted, Evie, I mean... I haven't really slept in weeks...I've been running scared from some monster lurking in the dark..."

He ran his fingers through his hair and gave her the biggest smile, shaking his head and laughing incredulously. "Now I find out it was Tank all along!  Just some guy... just a guy... a living, breathing human... guy".

"Well, maybe not really human.... He's clearly sick, and twisted... and probably evil...but I know what he looks like now! You know what he looks like, Evie! We all do... Andy, Kyle,... everyone! There's no mystery anymore.... I don't have to be frightened anymore" He took a deep breath in and said "I know it sounds stupid, Evie, but... I'm free".

Evie had listened to the whole speech, chewing on her bottom lip, worrying silently that Josh was finally losing it. It would be understandable if he fell apart after this latest revelation. She had half expected him to blame her again for bringng Tank into their lives. She already blamed herself, holding herself responsible and feeling guilty. She hadn't expected this! Looking at him now, and listening to what he had to say, she had to admit, it did make sense. The most frightening aspect of Tank's campaign of terror had been his anonymity. Take that away, and you took away his power. At the end of the day he was just a seriously deranged teenager that they could now easily identify. She looked at the relief on Josh's face and thought how nice it was to see Josh smiling like this, she hadn't seen him smile so openly for a very long time. 

"Get up!" he said, dragging her up out of the bed beaming at her. "I want to go to the beach"

"Oh... um... do you think that's a good idea?" asked Evie, now on her feet beside him. She put her arms around his waist and looked up at his smiling face,  "Didn't Kat say we were to stay inside and wait it out?"

He frowned and shook his head at her "I'm not letting him control me anymore. He's taken too much already... If I want to go to the beach, I'm going to the beach!". He picked up a towel on the end of the bed and a bag he'd packed while Evie was sleeping.  He threw it over his shoulder and started to slowly make his way towards the door, his hand outstretched in front of him.  "I'll ask Andy and the others if they want to come" he shouted to her, over his shoulder. "You can all keep an eye out, and let me know if Tank shows up."

*****

Andy sat on his towel, digging his feet into the sand, and watching Josh and Evie splashing about in the water. He couldn't take his eyes off him. He didn't really understand what they were doing there. It didn't seem like the right time to be going to the beach, not with everything that was going on. Josh had been adamant that he was going to the beach, with or without them, and wouldn't be talked down, so Andy had reluctantly agreed to go. Andy really just wanted to go and find Tank so he could kill him, but he knew he couldn't afford to leave Josh alone right now. Josh had been acting very strangely this morning, smiling like a maniac, and jumping about like an overexcited puppy. He couldn't help but be concerned about him, especially after last night.  He watched Josh, smiling and laughing with Evie, in the shallow water, and wanted nothing more than to be happy for him. But he just couldn't shake the feeling that this was some sort of delayed shock and that Josh would come out of it soon, more fragile and damaged than ever. He needed to be there when that happened.

Tamara and Kyle made their way slowly along the beach towards Andy, Kyle leading Tamara carefully across the sand. He was watching Josh and Evie too, with a look of concern.  

Kyle put down two towels beside Andy's and helped Tamara sit down. He took the towel closer to Andy because he wanted to talk to Andy about Josh.

"Is he ok?" he asked, nodding towards Josh with his head. He looked worried. "I wasn't expecting a day trip to the beach!"

"God knows" said Andy, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. "I don't know what's going on in that head of his!"

Kyle could see how tired Andy looked. This was having a huge effect on all of them, no one was getting much sleep these days, but Andy had had to deal with more than anyone else. He'd sat with Josh throughout the whole hospital ordeal, day in day out, and been with him every step of the way ever since. The stress was clearly taking its toll. He looked tired and haunted.

Andy ran his fingers through his hair, and breathed a heavy sigh. "We're in the middle of a police investigation. The psycho that's been stalking him for weeks is still out there, just walking around... and he wants to go swimming?!" He was shaking his head incredulously.  "I just don't get it".

"Something must have cracked" said Kyle furrowing his brow.

"Maybe he just wants some normality back?" said Tamara, interrupting them. 

"More like he's in denial" said Kyle, shaking his head with concern as he looked at the two of them out there in the water. Evie had her arms around his waist, and they were kissing like they hadn't a care in the world.

"Maybe he is" said Tamara, "Maybe he is in denial.... but I think you should let him have this... This might be the only way he can deal with it. Maybe he just can't cope with any more... Let him have this... Let him have today"

They both turned to look at Tamara with surprise. She was smiling a half-smile and had turned her face towards the sun to enjoy the heat on her skin. She was wearing special black sunglasses that blocked out light from all angles. 

"If he's happy right now, in this moment, what does it matter?... There's plenty of time for reality to kick him in the nuts again... What's your rush?" she said.

They both looked back out at Josh and Evie enjoying their day at the beach, and then glanced at each other. "Maybe she's right" said Kyle, shrugging his shoulders.

*****

Kat stood at the wooden railings looking down at the beach. She was surprised to see the Barretts out there.  She'd told them to hunker down and wait it out in John's house, and yet here they were cavorting on the beach. Looking at Josh and Evie down in the water you never would have guessed that he was going through such a terrible ordeal. Appearances could be deceiving, she thought to herself. Watching them having fun, she didn't begrudge him the temporary release from this private hell of his. The beach was actually a pretty good choice, she thought, it would be difficult for Tank to sneak up on them there. 

She was waiting for Emerson. They were in the process of organising a raid on a property out in the countryside where they thought Tank might be hiding out. It was pretty isolated so they really only had one chance to get this right. They'd called in reinforcements from the city based on the fact that Tank was known to be in possession of a handgun.

She was tense. These situations always made her nervous. She'd made Josh a promise that they'd catch him and she didn't want to let him down. She was also concerned about Greg Snelgrove. The blood had turned out to be his, and they'd found a larger quantity outside in the driveway. It was looking like a very serious hostage situation or possibly a murder... She was feeling guilty too, thinking back to the first interview with Josh, and how she'd missed that handprint. What if Greg was dead now because she missed it? They'd lost an entire day because of her. What if he was dead because she wouldn't listen to Josh?! She wasn't sure she could forgive herself.

[Ludub]

Thanks again for the kind comments  Hope you like this one.

CHAPTER 25

Kat held her gun out in front of her with both hands, with her back against the wall, in the defensive pose she'd been taught in basic training. She took a deep breath and steadied herself as she watched the other police taking up their positions, ready to go in. They were all dressed in body armour, readying themselves for possible gunfire. They'd snuck up as quietly as possible, taking their positions in silence. It was so quiet she could hear her own heartbeat, thumping in her chest as the adrenalin took hold. 

It was an old hunting cabin out in the middle of the bush, with old peeling paint, and boarded up windows. One of Tank's friends had mentioned it during questioning, that it was somewhere Tank used to go with mates when he was a kid. They'd already exhausted the leads given to them by Evie, he hadn't been at either place. This was the best lead they'd gotten so far. There were fresh tyre tracks in the mud outside the cabin but no sign of the car. They couldn't hear anything inside the cabin, but that didn't mean he wasn't in there hiding out, lying in wait. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves, making eye contact with Emerson. He nodded at her and she knew they were ready to go.

Another cop, Detective Andrews, brought in specially from the city to deal with hostage situations, stood on the other side of the door. He looked at her and nodded, before taking a deep breath and kicking the door open. "Police!" he yelled loudly, as he went through the door into the stifling heat and gloom inside.  Kat followed him into the shack, protecting her back as she went, scanning the room for possible assailants. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness inside the cabin, she thought it looked like some kind of house of horrors. There were hooks hanging from the ceiling and it had an overall sense of disuse and decay. This place gave her the chills. 

She squinted into the far corner of the room. Her heart jumped when she realised there was a body slumped in a chair, grey and lifeless. She felt her stomach churn. Was she looking at a dead body?  Was this Greg Snelgrove?! Were they too late?! 

"Clear!" shouted one of the other armed police. There was no sign of Tank anywhere, just Greg, tied to a chair in the corner.

She made her way over to him, fearing the worst. She put her fingers to his throat to check for a pulse. "He's alive!" she said, letting out a huge sigh of relief.  "Just barely, he has a faint pulse... but he's alive!".  She turned to Emerson, standing in the doorway. "Get the paramedics!"

She knelt down in front of him and lifted his head to look at him. She gently pulled the tape off his face, and took the rags out of his mouth. He coughed and spluttered, half choking, and then his head slumped and his eyes rolled back in his head. She put her hand on his shoulder and said "Just hold on Greg... you're gonna be okay".

*****

"What is going on with your hair, Joshua?!" asked Evie, laughing, and combing through his hair with her fingers, using both hands. She was sitting in his lap, at the table outside John's house. 

Kyle was busy barbecuing and Ricky was pottering about with bowls of salad. They'd decided to embrace Josh's need for normality today and just let him be happy. Andy watched Josh laughing and smiling at the table with Evie, it was good to see him enjoying himself, even if he did think it was going to be very shortlived. He had given some thought to what Tamara had said, and taken it onboard. She was right, there was no need to burst his bubble before he was ready. If Josh wanted to pretend that everything was okay, he was going to let him. At least it was a bit of temporary relief, and maybe they all needed that.

Tamara sat down at the table with them and leaned back enjoying the sunshine on her face. She'd been over at the barbecue, whispering with Kyle, but now the food was almost ready, so he'd told her to go and take a seat.

"Josh told me about your eye thing at the hospital" said Evie, looking at Tamara with sympathy, "I'm sorry it didnt work out."

"That's okay" said Tamara, sounding a little uncomfortable. "I wasn't holding out for a miracle". She felt a little guilty about lying to them but she still wasn't sure what this was. She still couldn't focus on anything, and even just keeping her eyes open for any length of time was painful, no matter how low the lighting. She didn't know yet if this was as good as it was going to get. If it was, then she might as well still be blind, and she didn't think there would be very much to celebrate.

Andy carried a plate of burgers and steaks over to the table and sat down beside Josh. He thought how strange this all was, acting as though everything was normal, when there was a psycho stalker on the loose. But he looked at his little brother, smiling and looking relaxed for once, and decided he'd play along. He put his hand on Josh's shoulder and said "This was a good idea, Josh. We haven't done this in a while".

Kyle joined them, sitting down beside Tamara, and leaned in to give her a kiss. 

Ricky put Casey in his high chair and sat down, smiling at the others in a nervous way. As she looked around the table it was fairly clear that everyone was concerned for Josh, worried at his strange behaviour,  but they were making a concerted effort to keep things upbeat for him. He obviously wanted a happy, carefree day, where he didn't have to think about the events of the last few weeks. If that was what he wanted, then that was what they were going to do for him.

*****

"He didn't!" laughed Evie, covering her mouth in shock. 

"I'm serious! He did!" laughed Kyle. He had been telling them about a customer in Angelo's who had been having a business meeting over lunch with a female client.

"He actually put his hand on her stomach and asked her when she was due!" he giggled. "You should have seen her face!" said Kyle, sniggering. They were all laughing now, enjoying the scene unfolding before them. "She was all like 'Em, I'm not pregnant!'"

"Oh God! That's so embarrassing!" said Evie, giggling into Josh's shoulder. He was laughing too.

"I'm guessing he's not getting that contract!" laughed Ricky. "There's no coming back from that!"

Andy was laughing along with the others, enjoying the joke. It was good to talk about something else and to have a laugh with some mates. His face fell when he saw Kat open the garden gate. He could see her serious expression as she came towards them, and got to his feet, looking worried. "Kat?" he said, "Have you got him?!"

She walked up to the table and pulled up a chair. She looked nervous and was visibly shaken and pale. She took off her cap and breathed a heavy sigh. This had been a very hard day. "We haven't found him" she said, shaking her head, "but... we found his dad. He's in a critical condition. He's lost a lot of blood..." She shuddered, as an image of Greg's blood drained and lifeless face flashed through her mind. She frowned and bit her bottom lip nervously, "We're not sure he's gonna make it".

"So, you're saying he actually tried to kill his father?!" said Andy, looking at Kat in shock.

She nodded. "He might still have... At the moment, it's assault, kidnapping, and false imprisonment... probably attempted murder... If Greg doesn't make it, it'll be upgraded to first degree murder"

Andy sat back in his chair, letting out a huge breath, and leaned his chin on his hand. This was truly shocking. He looked at Josh and thought how lucky they were that Josh was still alive. If he was capable of killing his dad, it was a wonder that they'd got Josh back in one piece. He began to wonder again what that psycho had done to Josh while he'd been unconscious. He looked at him and wondered if Josh really didn't remember, or if he was too traumatised to talk about it. He wasn't sure that he really wanted to know.

"So, no one knows where he is?" asked Josh, speaking quietly. "He's just out there somewhere?"

"Yes, unfortunately, Josh... That is the case" said Kat, nodding sadly. She was feeling very sorry for him. Seeing what Tank had done to Greg today had shaken her to the core, she couldn't imagine how frightening and traumatic this whole thing must have been for Josh. That he was still functioning at all was nothing short of incredible. She thought he must be an exceptionally strong person.

"We will find him, Josh" said Kat, giving as reassuring a smile as she could to the others around the table. "In the meantime, we're going to have a car stationed outside the house, keeping an eyes on things." She looked again, at all the worried faces round the table,  "We're not gonna take any chances..." She leaned across and patted Josh's knee,   "We're gonna keep you safe, Josh".

Josh was nodding slowly, a sad smile on his face. "He could be watching us right now" he said. He sounded dazed and distant, lost in his own thoughts, "He's out there now... planning his next move".

*****

"I'm fine Evie" said Josh, shrugging his shoulders and doing his best to smile convincingly. "You don't have to worry so much... I'm okay!" He squeezed her hand, and breathed a loud sigh. They were in the livingroom, winding down for the evening, and just about to go to bed. Josh knew that Evie was worried about him, scared that he was going to fall apart at any moment, but, if he was honest, he just felt overwhelmingly numb. Today had been too much for him, he just couldn't take any more.

"It's okay to not be okay about this, Josh!" said Evie, looking at him with concern. "He's a murderer... or an attempted murderer, I guess... and... and he kidnapped you!"  She was worried he wasn't dealing with this, and that he'd fall to pieces when it finally did hit him. "Are you just blocking it out!?"

"Evie..." he sighed sadly, covering his face with his hand. "What difference will it make if I get upset?" He sat back and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm scared, Evie... of course I am..." he said shaking his head. "But... that's not going to change anything. If he wants to come and get me... he will... There's nothing I can do about it..."

She looked at him in shock. This was new. It was like he'd disappeared into himself and all that was left was a distant version of the Josh she loved. Just a shell. She looked at his face and thought he looked strange, a half-smile on his mouth, giving him a look of resignation. She wasn't sure what to make of it.

She put her head on his shoulder and took his hand in both of hers. She had no idea how to make this better. With Tank still out there, lurking God knows where, it was no wonder Josh wasn't coping. Especially now they knew what he was capable of. She just hoped the police would find Tank soon.
 

[Ludub]

Thanks as always for the feedback. Hope you enjoy this chapter! 

Warning: Some violence in this chapter.

CHAPTER 26

He opened his eyes, to blinding sunlight, blinking to try to bring things into focus. He was lying face down in the dirt and all he could see was dusty soil and shrivelled up tree leaves. He rolled over slowly into a sitting position and looked up at the scene around him.  The sun was high in the sky, burning with an intense heat when he looked at it, and there wasn't a single cloud in sight. He was surrounded by tall trees, swaying slightly as he looked at them, making him feel a little dizzy. He slowly scrambled to his feet, dazed by the feeling of disorientation, turning a full 360 degrees to try to get his bearings. There was nothing that he recognised. From what he could figure out, he was lost and alone in the middle of the bush. He tried to think how he'd got there but his mind was a total blank. He couldn't remember anything, he couldn't even think what his last clear memory was. Everything he knew was in this moment, pure and simple existence, with no past and no future.

He started to walk, wondering what he was walking towards... or away from. He didn't even know what he was hoping to find... The only sounds were occasional bird calls and the creaking of the trees in the gentle breeze.

His heart suddenly jumped as he heard a rustling in the trees behind him, the steady tread of footsteps and the crushing of dead leaves, as they approached him. His stomach churned in recognition and, in an instant, he knew!

This was Tank, this was the 'he' he'd been so frightened of for so long. This was the faceless threat, the phantom in the darkness, the boogie man... He froze mid step, listening to the rustling behind him, growing ever closer, unsure of what to do. His heart raced and he could feel his chest tightening and that familiar sensation in his stomach, like he'd just been kicked....

He slowly turned around, filled with dread, and came face to face with Tank, who was grinning and almost snarling at him. It was like looking into the eyes of a wolf who might as well have been licking his lips in anticipation. He was looking at him in the way that a predator regards its prey, like a piece of freshly butchered meat. Josh's heart was racing now, threatening to leap out of his chest, the adrenalin coursing through his veins...

Suddenly he was running, running like he'd never run before, because his life depended on it. He was trying not to trip, dodging trees, and ground roots, looking back every few seconds to see where Tank was. He knew he wouldn't be able to outrun Tank forever, he would have to find somewhere to hide.

He stood with his back to a tree, trying to block himself from view, panting heavily. He needed to catch his breath but his heart was beating so fast he could feel it in the blood vessels in his neck. He was trying to get his breathing under control, worried that his heavy breathsounds would give him away. He leaned around the tree to try to see where Tank was, to see if he was still following him...

Before he had time to react, he was on the ground with Tank on top of him. Tank had come out of nowhere, suddenly appearing from behind a tree, and rugby tackling him to the ground. Josh struggled to get away, to get out from under him, but Tank was stronger, and he couldn't get free. He stared into Tank's face in pure terror, wondering what he was going to do to him. Tank sneered from ear to ear, white teeth glinting in some evil version of a Cheshire cat grin. There was something so deeply malevolent about Tank's gaze, it gave Josh chills down his spine, and made his stomach churn with intense nausea. 

Tank began to laugh, that cruel sadistic laugh that Josh remembered from the night of the kidnap. The memory of it made him feel sick, and he had to fight a wave of nausea rising in his chest. Tank began to lean in, bringing his face closer and closer to Josh's, as he held him down with all his body weight. Josh's eyes widened in terror as he wondered what he was going to do... 

Suddenly, Josh was on top of Tank. The tables had turned! As Tank had leaned in, Josh had used every bit of strength he had to headbutt him in the face, breaking his nose, and throwing him over. He looked at Tank's face now, his broken nose bleeding, his eyes watering... and all he wanted was to kill him. He needed this to be over. He needed to know that Tank was never coming back.

He reached his hands around Tank's throat and slowly began to squeeze.  It was an awful sensation, feeling the internal structures of the neck in his hands, but he knew he had to do it. He had no choice. 

He could feel hands clawing at his in desperation, and the struggling of the body beneath him, but he knew he had to see this out. If he didn't, Tank would come back, he would always come back.

He was gradually becoming aware that something was wrong, something was very wrong... but he wasn't sure what it was.  There was a sick feeling in his stomach, like he'd forgotten something really important, something that really mattered. He was concentrating on keeping his hands on this neck, ignoring the pitiful struggling, the hands clutching at him, the tiny squealing noises. He wasn't a murderer, he thought, this wasn't the person he wanted to be. But he couldn't let Tank hurt him any more, he had to finish it...

But he was suddenly aware that everything was black... He wondered why everything was black?... He wondered when it had suddenly become nighttime?!

As hands pulled frantically at his own, clawing at them, desperately trying to find release, it began to dawn on him...  With a sickening realisation, like nothing he'd ever felt before, he knew this wasn't Tank. He had his hands around Evie's throat. He was strangling Evie!!! 

He released her, horrified at what he'd done, and let out an anguished gasp, "Evie?! Oh God, oh God! are you ok?!" 

She was making the worst sound he had ever heard, the most terrifying gutteral rasping noise. It sounded painful, as she forced air through bruised and crushed airways, desperately trying to breathe. He tried to touch her face but she pushed his hand away in terror and started punching and kicking at him, frantically trying to push him off her. She wriggled out of the bed, falling onto the floor, coughing and spluttering, and crying through her hoarseness. "Get off me! Get off me!" 

"Evie! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry Evie!" he cried, shaking violently with the shock of it all. "I thought you were Tank! I dreamed you were Tank!"

She looked at him in fear, still struggling to take a breath in. Her throat felt like it was closing and she wondered if he'd done some real damage. She was frightened of him now, she didn't want to be, but she was. She couldn't get his face out of her head, that vacant expression! She thought about the moment that he'd closed his hands around her neck. It had been like he wasn't even there, a completely blank expression on his face, like he'd gone somewhere else in his head. It was terrifying. He had nearly strangled her to death, but it hadn't really been Josh, it had been some hollowed out and empty version of him. An empty shell masquerading as her boyfriend. She shuddered when she thought he could have killed her by accident, throttling her in his sleep.

She couldn't breathe. Her chest was heaving, trying to force air in through her bruised throat. She was coughing violently, and shaking with shock.

She looked at Josh as he sobbed, kneeling in the bed above her. He had his face in his hands, crying brokenheartedly, repeating "I'm so sorry, Evie!" over and over. He looked so lost.

Suddenly there was a knock on the bedroom door. "Josh?! Evie?! Are you guys ok?!" shouted Andy, sounding scared. His heart was racing as adrenalin rushed through his bloodstream. He'd been asleep on the couch when he'd heard the thump of Evie hitting the floor, and he could hear her coughing and wheezing now as he stood outside. He thought he could hear Josh crying too. His immediate thought was that Tank was in there so he was contemplating breaking the door down if he didn't get an answer.

"Andy!" coughed Evie, between wheezes. She clambered shakily to her feet, hardly able to stand, and opened the door, falling into his arms. She wanted him to come in. She knew Josh needed someone to comfort him, he was falling to pieces, but she knew it couldn't be her right now. Josh had scared her so much and she wasn't ready to be anywhere near him. She didn't know how she'd ever be able to share a bed with him again.

Andy looked at her in shock, as she sobbed in his arms, spluttering and coughing. He peered past her into the room, terrified at what he might see. Josh was kneeling on the bed, covering his face, and shaking uncontrollably, but there was no sign of Tank. "What... what's going on?!" stammered Andy, wide eyed and startled. 

He lifted Evie's face to look at her and that's when he saw her neck. He was shocked. "Evie, who did this?!" asked Andy, still thinking that Tank must have been here. "Was it Tank?!" he said, wondering how he'd gotten in and out without him hearing. He'd slept on the couch to stand guard.

She looked up into his eyes, her own filled with tears, and shook her head as her face crumpled in despair. "Josh" she said in a raspy voice, "he had a nightmare".

He let out a gasp and pulled her in to hug her. He looked at Josh, crying inconsolably on the bed, and wondered what to do. He hugged Evie and rocked her back and forth, saddened at how much Tank had been able to ruin Josh's life without him even being here.

*****

Kyle and Tamara sat with Evie on the couch waiting for Zac to come and pick her up. They were doing their best to calm her down, making her drink sweetened tea, and holding her hand.  Andy had had to phone Zac and while he'd done his best to explain the situation, it was very clear Zac wasn't happy. Trying to explain Evie's injuries to other people was going to be difficult, he knew it was going to come across as domestic violence no matter what way they explained it. Nate had taken a look at her and given her some pain killers and anti - inflammatories. They'd also had to explain all the coming and going to the cops sitting outside, which hadn't been easy. 

Andy sat down on the bed beside Josh and breathed a heavy sigh. Josh was hugging his knees, making himself as small as possible, and rocking back and forth on the bed, softly crying. "Is she going to be okay?!" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, mate... she'll be okay" said Andy, sadly. He knew this was going to be hard for the two of them to get past. Evie was terrified. Her physical injuries were fairly superficial but it was going to be a long time before she'd trust him again. The worst part was that it wasn't really Josh's fault from the sounds of things. Even Evie knew that. 

He reached out and put his arm around his little brother, pulling him in against his chest. Josh started sobbing, his whole body shuddering as he cried. Andy wondered how on earth they were going to fix this.

Andy heard Zac arrive in the livingroom, so he got up and went out to speak to him.  

Josh could hear the muffled voices out in the livingroom, speaking deliberately quietly so he wouldn't hear. Even in their whispered tones he could tell that Zac was angry.  He didn't blame him, he thought he was right to be angry. He couldn't understand how this had happened. He had nearly killed Evie in his sleep!  She'd never forgive him for this, he thought, and he didn't think she should. Her poor neck! How could he have done this to her?!

He heard a gentle knock on the bedroom door.  "Josh?" said Evie in a hoarse voice. "Can I come in?" she said, sounding nervous.

Josh was surprised, to say the least, but managed to stammer "y...yeah... uh.... c... come in". He put his feet on the floor and fidgeted nervously, sitting on the edge of the bed. He didn't really know what to do with himself. He was pretty sure she'd come to break up with him. He thought he must seem like a monster, like some kind of psychopath who was just as bad as Tank. He thought it was nice of her to do it in person, and very brave, given what he'd just done to her, but he didn't think he deserved this much consideration. She could have just told Andy to pass on the message, and been done with him. He wouldn't have blamed her if she had. He hung his head in shame.

She sat down next to him and took his hand, pulling it to her chest so he could feel her heartbeat.  "I love you, Josh" she said, in a voice that sounded painfully hoarse. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me" she sighed.

He breathed out and his whole body shuddered as he felt a wave of relief crash over him. It was like he could suddenly breathe again.

"I'm gonna go home with Zac tonight, Josh... I need some time on my own....but I'll be back in the morning... We can talk then". 

His chin began to tremble, and his eyes filled with tears again. "I'm so sorry Evie! I'm so sorry!" he sobbed. 

"I know, Josh." she said, taking his face in her hands and wiping away his tears with her thumbs. "It's okay". She wasn't sure she'd be able to get past it but she knew he hadn't meant any of this.  She couldn't leave him like this, torturing himself about it. She needed to make sure he was okay before she left, she owed him that.

She leaned in and kissed him gently, "I love you, Josh... I'll see you tomorrow".

He listened to her leave, wondering how she could be so strong. How could she forgive him after what he'd done?! 

Andy walked in and sat down on Josh's bed, breathing out a big sigh. He put his hand on Josh's shoulder and said "It'll be okay, mate... Evie's okay".

Josh turned towards him and gave him a smile, full of pain and sadness. "I don't know how much more I can deal with, Andy...." A tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away with the heel of his hand. He took a deep breath in, and then breathed it out slowly, "I'm so tired of this".

Andy leaned back on the far side of the bed and said "I'll stay with you tonight, mate... C'mon... try to get some sleep".

Josh lay back beside his brother for the second time in his adult life, but now he was afraid to close his eyes. What if he ended up trying to kill Andy? How could he share a bed with anyone again? What do you do if you can't trust yourself to fall asleep?

[Ludub]

Wow, thank you all for the incredibly lovely comments! I'm so glad you enjoyed the last chapter 

CHAPTER 27

"Okay, open your eyes" said Kyle, feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement. They'd tried a couple of times over the last few days but Tamara still hadn't really been able to see anything, not properly. She said that everything was blurred, and moving at the same time, giving her a sensation like being on a waltzer. They were going to keep trying. He really wanted this to get better for her. 'Seeing' but not seeing was nearly worse than being blind. 

He'd closed the blinds on the window so the room was very dimly lit, and she'd taken her black glasses off in preparation.  He crouched down in front of her as she steadied herself on the edge of the bed. "You can do this, Tam... I'm here", he said, putting his hand on her leg.

It always took a great effort to do this because she was already anticipating the pain and the nausea, and dreading the disappointment of still not being able to really see. She took a deep breath and forced her eyes open.

Even in the gloom that Kyle had created for her, the light seemed painfully bright. She had to fight the urge to close her eyes again. She tried to bring her eyes into focus, telling herself that Kyle was sitting in front her, and trying to separate the shape of his face from the confusion of background colour.  Slowly the image in front of her started to steady itself, moving a little less, and becoming a little clearer. Details within it started to make themselves known. She could see the outlines of his eyes, and the shape of his mouth, where before there had been only a beige coloured blur. 

She closed her eyes again for a moment, feeling exhausted. This was more difficult than she'd ever imagined it would be. When she'd gone to meet with the surgeon, at the first consultation, he'd made it sound like she'd just have the surgery and then, like magic, she'd be able to see again. He hadn't mentioned any of this discomfort, or that there'd be so much uncertainty. She hadn't signed up for this! But Tamara had never been afraid of a fight, so she steadied herself again, gripping the edge of the bed, and reopened her eyes, determined that she was going to see.

Kyle watched her with admiration. The sheer effort this involved seemed incredible, and it was obviously causing her physical pain. He hated to see her like this, but he couldn't help being impressed at her bravery. He had never known someone so strong. He knew things were moving very fast between them, and that she'd only been back in his life for a few weeks, but he couldn't deny his feelings for her. The more he got to know this new Tamara, the more he knew he loved her. 

She slowly brought Kyle's face into focus. It was still moving slightly, with duplicate images left behind in its wake, but she could see him! His eyes were shining, with kindness and affection, and he had that same beautiful smile she remembered from all that time ago. She knew Kyle didn't smile much but, when he did, it could really melt your heart. She let out a huge breath that she didn't know she'd been holding, and shuddered with relief. "I see you!" she said, smiling and reaching her hands out to hold his face.  She was reaching breaking point with the level of concentration this was taking, and the pain was almost unbearable, but she didnt want to stop looking at his face. She tried to take in as much detail as possible, in case she never got to do it again. She wanted to have this image, this moment, this Kyle, to hold in her mind forever.

"I love you" she said, beaming at him and looking one last time into his soft brown eyes. Her own eyes filled with tears and she closed them, unable to keep them open any longer. Tears of happiness streamed down her cheeks and she began to laugh. 

Kyle started to laugh too, partly in relief that she could see, and partly in shock that she'd said the 'L' word. He'd never been so happy. He leaned in, caressing the side of her face, and kissing her. He whispered, "I love you too, Tamara" before kissng her again, and gently pushing her back onto the bed. She giggled with the excitement of it all, thinking that it all seemed too good to be true.

*****

Tamara lay in Kyle's arms, her eyes closed, smiling contentedly as she thought about the life that now lay ahead... so different from the one she had only a few weeks ago. It was so full of possibilities. What was she going to do with her life now? Who was she going to be? In a way she'd lost a little of her identity. She'd spent the last couple of years being 'Tamara, the blind girl'. Now she could see, she wasn't really sure who 'Tamara' was.

With a pang of guilt, she thought about poor Josh lying in the next room. She had no idea how she was going to tell him she'd got her sight back. She was dreading it.  It just seemed like such a cruel blow, especially with everything else that was going on. She tried to imagine the conversation. 'Oh hey Josh. Yeah, so you know the way we're both blind?... Yeah, well, one of us still is!' No matter what way she told him, no matter how sensitive or compassionate she would try to be, she knew it would still come across that way. It would seem like rubbing salt in his open wounds. She didn't know if she could do that to him.

She lifted Kyle's hand up to her mouth and kissed it. "I don't want to tell Josh yet" she said, "not just yet".

"Tam... you're gonna have to tell him sooner or later" he said rolling onto his front and turning his head to look at her. "It'll be a lot worse if he finds out you've been lying to him."

"I know... I just don't think I can do that to him right now..." she sighed. "Not with all the stuff with Tank...and poor Evie!". She leaned in so he could kiss her and said "Can we just keep it to ourselves a little while longer?"

"Okay, but you will have to tell him... Maybe we should tell Andy first?" he said, thinking that Andy might know how to break it to him better. 

"Maybe" she said, frowning. "I'm just really not looking forward to telling him."

He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, "You're allowed to be happy, Tamara. You can't let this stuff with Josh take that away from you"

*****

Evie sat on the edge of her bed, staring into the distance, with her hand resting gently on her bruised neck, massaging her collar bone lightly with her finger tips. It hurt. 

She hadn't managed to sleep at all, tossing and turning all night, and waking with a start every time she started to drift off. She couldn't get Josh's blank expression out of her head, that vacant stare, it was the only thing she could think of, and it was there every time she closed her eyes. She would start to fall asleep, only to feel her throat tightening, like he was doing it again. She could almost feel his hands tightening their grip. She could swear he was on top of her again, like some kind of robotic version of Josh, void of any kind of emotion, intent on squeezing the life out of her. She'd wake with her heart thumping, gasping for air, and clutching at her throat. This imaginary strangulation was almost as frightening as the real thing.

She had dark circles round her eyes from the lack of sleep. As she stared vacantly across her room, she had the look of a hunted animal. She was dazed and terrified at the same time.

She got slowly to her feet, still feeling a little wobbly, and put her hand out to steady herself.  She walked over to the mirror on her makeup table and pulled down the neckline of her pyjama top to look at the damage Josh had done. She couldn't hide her shock as she looked at it, not even from herself. It was so much worse than she'd thought it would be. She started to cry, shuddering and shaking, and watching her own reflection as it sobbed in front of her . She felt sorry for that girl in the mirror, so frightened, so battered and bruised...

The bruises had come up so quickly. There were already multiple shades of red, and black, and purple. You could clearly see Josh's finger prints on either side of her neck.  She put her hand up to touch the bruises, wincing at the pain. She couldn't believe that Josh, the man she loved more than anything, had done this to her. She knew he hadn't meant to, but as she looked at the bruises, she wondered how many women had said those sorts of things to the people who cared about them. "He didn't mean it... It wasn't his fault... He won't do it again..." She didn't know how she'd explain this to Oscar, or anyone else for that matter. They'd all think the worst, and she didn't want that for Josh. He wasn't 'that' guy. She just didn't know how she could make people understand that without sounding like a battered wife.

Her whole body hurt. Every muscle was tender and bruised. She'd struggled so hard to get away from Josh, unable to get out from under him. He'd overpowered her so easily and held her down with all of his body weight. She had been powerless to stop him, no matter how hard she tried. That was part of what had frightened her so much, the utter helplessness, the total lack of control... If Josh hadn't woken up when he did, she would be dead right now.

She pulled on a pair of jeans and slipped a t-shirt with a high cut neckline over her head, grimacing as the edges of the material made contact with the skin on her neck. She took out a scarf, a thin and silky one from a drawer in the dresser, and wound it round her neck to try to hide the bruises.  She didn't want people looking at them. She knew they looked bad, and she didn't want them to think badly of Josh. She was going to do her best to downplay it and hope that they'd let it go.

She stood at the top of the stairs, preparing herself for the 'family meeting' she knew was waiting for her downstairs. She could already hear them whispering about her, with concern so evident in their voices. She just wished she could go down there, and eat some breakfast, and pretend none of this had happened. Surely they could save the 'intervention' for another day?

*****

"We're just concerned about you, Evie", said Leah, reaching out and gently tucking Evie's hair behind her ears. "I mean, your neck, Evie?! Have you looked at it? He's really hurt you", Leah was looking at Evie with that motherly affection she had for all the teenagers in the house, her head tilted to one side, and her big brown eyes full of kindness and compassion.

Evie hadn't had a mother in her life for such a long time, she sometimes just wanted to curl up in Leah's arms and let herself be a little girl again. She looked at Leah, trying her best to hold it together, but the stress of the last few days began to get the better of her. She was blinking furiously in an attempt to stop the tears that were quickly welling up.  "I'm okay, Leah... It's Josh we should all be worried about".

"Josh has Andy" said Leah, rubbing her hand on Evie's arm, "He has Kyle too... and Ricky...". Leah was eyeing the bruises on Evie's neck, not completely hidden under her scarf, and couldn't help feeling anger towards Josh. "You need to let us worry about you", she said, giving Evie a sympathetic smile.

She turned to Zac who was sitting on one of the kitchen chairs nearby and raised her eyebrows at him. He had calmed down since last night, having had time to think. Josh had seemed so pitiful when he'd gone to pick Evie up, and Andy had been at great pains to explain that it hadn't been intentional. Evie also seemed to think that Josh had had some kind of episode, a sort of absence, during which he'd done this terrible thing. Zac had some experience of counselling so he knew that the mind could play terrible tricks on you at times. He felt bad for the boy, but he just couldn't forgive and forget this so easily.

He nodded slowly at Leah. They'd spoken about this before Evie came downstairs, and they'd agreed that Zac would be the one to speak to her about it.

He shifted forward in his chair, putting his elbows on his knees, and ran one hand through his hair. "Evie... I think you need to give Josh some space.... at least until this whole thing with Tank is sorted".

"I can't leave him on his own", said Evie, shaking her head at him sadly. Tears streamed down her face and she wiped at them angrily, annoyed at herself for crying in front of Zac and Leah. She wanted to pretend to them that she was okay, and that it hadn't really affected her. She didn't want them to be angry at Josh or to think badly of him. He didn't deserve it. "He needs me", she sobbed.

"Maybe so, Evie, but we can't let him put you in danger... not anymore. You don't know what Tank might do... and I don't want you sharing a bed with Josh for the time being" said Zac. He didn't want to do the whole controlling father figure thing but he wasn't about to let his neice get strangled by her own boyfriend either.

"I don't think I can anyway..." she said quietly, staring into the distance. The thought of being back in that bed beside Josh made her feel sick to her stomach. She put her hand to her neck and gently pressed on the bruises. They served as a reminder that things would never be the same again with Josh. She thought back to the first time they'd slept together after Josh forgave her, and how safe she had felt in his arms... She was so sad that it had come to this. She sighed heavily and said "I can't share his bed... but I need to be there for him... I'm not going to abandon him now."

She heard a noise and turned to see Oscar, staring at her, wide-eyed in shock. He'd just come downstairs to find Evie crying in the livingroom with Zac and Leah. He'd been asleep when she'd got home last night, so this was the first he'd heard if it. He stared at the black and purple marks on his sister's neck, feeling a surge of anger. "What's happened to your neck?!" he asked, already clenching his fists in indignation.

Evie took a deep breath. A large part of her wanted to lie to him.  She wanted to make up a story... something, anything, that would let her cover for Josh. She didn't want Oscar to know what had really happened. She didn't want him judging Josh unfairly, and she knew he would overreact. This was not going to be easy...

[Ludub]

Thanks again to KittCatt, Kristen and ~JarlieFanEver ~ for the lovely comments. Hope you enjoy this chapter 

 

CHAPTER 28

"Oscar!... Oscar!..." shouted Evie, as loudly as she could. Her throat was so swollen and bruised it was difficult for her to raise her voice. "Oscar! Stop!" she cried, chasing him as he charged through the door of John's house. 

Josh had been slumped on the couch, his head hanging, the perfect image of misery personified. He had heard them as they approached the house, with Evie calling out to Oscar, asking him to stop. He knew what was coming. He knew why Oscar was angry and he didn't blame him for feeling that way. He knew that Evie's neck must be terribly bruised, his handprints emblazoned on her skin, in shades of black and blue, and he knew that Oscar would find it hard to understand what had happened. He didn't really understand it himself. He got to his feet and waited there for Oscar to come and get him. He wanted Oscar to hit him, to hurt him, to make him suffer. He couldn't help thinking that he deserved it. He hadn't meant to hurt Evie, but he couldn't forgive himself, all the same.

Oscar grabbed him by the neck of his t-shirt, "I'm gonna kill you!", he shouted in Josh's face. He pulled back his fist to hit him, but Evie caught up with him just in time, pulling at his arm and shouting "No, Oscar! It's not his fault!" 

Josh had put up no resistance, leaving his hands hanging at his sides, in the hope that Oscar would actually hit him. He felt that he needed to pay for what he'd done, and thought some physical pain might help distract him from his own mental turmoil. In many ways, he thought, it would be better for everyone if Oscar did kill him. "You're right" he said, sounding utterly despondent. 

Evie was trying to drag Oscar away from Josh but he shrugged her off and roared at her, "Look at your neck, Evie! Look what he did to you!" He pushed her out of the way, forcing her back towards one of the armchairs. He shoved Josh backwards with all his strength. The couch hit him in the back of the knees, making him lose his balance, and he fell backwards. Suddenly he was on his back, sprawled out on the seat, with Oscar leaning over him and growling in his face. "I should hit you right now" he snarled, "How could you do this?!".

"Do it" said Josh quietly, genuinely hoping he would. "Hit me. It's what I deserve" said Josh, his eyes filling with tears. 

"Oscar! What do you think you're doing?!" roared Kyle, as he charged across the room.  He'd heard the commotion out in the livingroom and come out to see what was going on. "You think this is okay, threatening someone who's blind?!" He pulled Oscar off Josh, gripping the back of his neck, and pushing him towards one of the armchairs.

"Sit down!" he shouted at him, glaring in anger. He dropped to his knees in front of Josh, and asked him "Josh, you ok?!". 

Josh pulled himself back up into a sitting position and pulled his fingers through his hair to move it back from his face. "I'm okay" he said quietly. He was disappointed that Kyle had stepped in. He thought Oscar deserved the chance to protect his sister, to take some revenge on the person that hurt her so badly. What did it matter if he was blind? 

Kyle looked back at Oscar who was sitting, breathing heavily, in the armchair that he had put him in. He was glaring at Josh, and clenching his jaw in anger. Kyle glanced at Evie, sitting in another armchair, with her head resting on her hand, and quietly crying. She just looked so sad. He shook his head, feeling bad for all of them, and thought what a mess this all was.

"Evie, you know Josh didn't mean to hurt you? Don't you?" he said. She nodded emphatically for Oscar's benefit. He looked at Oscar and thought he couldn't really blame him for being angry, he knew he'd probably do the same thing if he was in his shoes. He sighed and rubbed his face in his hands, before turning to Oscar again,  "Oscar, you know Josh wouldn't hurt Evie deliberately? You do know that, right?".

Oscar's expression began to soften as he looked at the pitiful state Josh was in, the misery etched so clearly on his face. He'd come over to beat the living daylights out of Josh, like any good brother would. But looking at the torment on Josh's face, and his utter resignation to being beaten up, he'd somehow lost some of that momentum. Josh just seemed so crushed already, so utterly devastated, so lost in his own private hell. Hitting him would feel like kicking a puppy. Oscar was shocked that he was already feeling sorry for him, and wondered how on earth he could ever feel sorry for a wife beater? "Have you seen her neck?!" said Oscar, still not sure he could just let this go.

"Oscar!" said Evie, glaring at him. She didn't want Josh to know how bad it was. That was the one saving grace, of this whole blindness thing, she thought. At least he couldn't see what he'd done.

"Josh, it's not that bad" she said, making a face at Oscar, warning him to play along. 

Oscar felt bad for Josh but he wasn't about to cover for him.  "No, Josh... It is really that bad... Her whole neck is black and blue. You can see every single one of your fingermarks... You crushed her throat... You could have killed her, Josh!...". He turned back to her, ignoring the fact that she was shaking her head at him in anger and disappointment, and pursing her lips. "It is bad, Evie, and I'm not going to lie to him about it", he said.

Josh turned towards Evie, his eyes glistening with tears and said, "You don't have to lie to me Evie. I know I've really hurt you... I don't know how you can ever forgive me... I would never hurt..."

"Josh, stop!" she sighed, interrupting him. She moved over to the couch and sat down beside Josh. She looked at Oscar in defiance, and took Josh's hand in hers. She wasn't going to let Oscar tell her what to do, and she wanted to make it clear to him that there was no breakup on the horizon.

Josh breathed out a heavy sigh as he started to cry softly. "I'm so sorry, Evie" he said, in a small quiet voice, "I can't believe I hurt you". There wasn't much else he could say. He was so grateful for this feeling of closeness, this hand clasping his, something he was so frightened of losing. He needed to feel her near him. He didn't know how she could be so strong, so willing to forgive him, but he was terrified at the thought of losing her. She was his only real source of comfort in this terrifying world. She was the safe place he went in his mind when things got too much, his place of refuge, the only thing that really made him feel some sense of security. He didn't think he could cope without her. That was why this was going to be so hard.

Evie glanced at Oscar, as he frowned at her, clearly uncomfortable with her being so close to Josh again. He was watching Josh's every move, as though he half expected him to attack her again, like some wild animal. It was as though he thought she might need rescuing at any moment... 

Looking at Josh's hand in hers, she took a deep breath, and then lifted his hand and slowly brought it towards her throat. 

She was terrified doing this. The memories of last night were flooding back to her in intense flashes that made her heart thump. It made her feel sick to her stomach, but she knew she had to do this. She knew Josh's imagination must be working overtime, and that Oscar had just put some truly terrible images in his head. She knew that he would be torturing himself about what he'd done. It would take every bit of courage she had, but she decided she would have to show him that she was okay. If he couldn't see with his eyes, he would have to 'see' with his hands now. Oscar and Kyle watched on in nervously as she tried to bring his hand to her neck, fighting a rising wave of nausea at the thought of him touching her there again. 

In horror, he tried to pull away, suddenly understanding what she was trying to do. He didn't want to touch her neck, the thought if it made him sick with fear. His eyes widened, "N.. no, Evie! I can't!"

"You can" she said firmly, holding his hand tightly, and pulling it back towards her neck.

He pulled away again, wide eyed, and shouting out in fear, "I said, 'no', Evie!" He didn't want to be reminded of last night. Waking up to find he'd nearly killed his girlfriend was the most terrifying and shameful experience of his life. He wasn't sure he'd ever get over it. 

"Give me your hand, Josh!", said Evie, sounding a little angry and impatient. He sighed, knowing that she wouldn't give in. He gave her his hand again and allowed her to guide his hand over her skin. He felt the heat of her bruised flesh under his fingertips, terrified of hurting her.

"Josh, I'm bruised..."she said, wincing at the contact. Her chin trembled as she blinked back a few tears. "...but it's nothing that won't heal.", she said, her voice trembling a little. She looked at his face with a mixture of love and pity, as he shuddered, suddenly losing all composure. She put her arms around him and kissed him on the forehead.

Oscar looked at his sister in shock. How had she become so strong that she could do something like this?  To face Josh after what he'd done to her, to let him touch her neck like that, to still want to be there for him... Evie was nothing short of amazing in Oscar's eyes. He'd come here to play the protective brother but it looked like she didn't really need him. He could see how fragile Josh had become, how vulnerable and scared. He wasn't sure he could forgive him for hurting Evie, but it was pretty clear he wasn't some monster. Just the same, he didn't think it was safe for Evie to be around him right now, with all the Tank stuff, and with Josh now going a bit loopy... He decided he would have to talk to Josh about it, and make him see sense, before things got any worse.

*****

"I don't want to leave you, Josh" said Evie, looking shocked and  holding his hand that little bit tighter. Josh had just told her that they needed to take a break and that she needed to go home with Oscar.

She glanced at Oscar who was nodding his head at her and looking relieved. He gave her a sympathetic smile, and said "I think Josh is right".

"If you stay, Evie..." said Josh, his voice trembling, "I can't promise you  that you won't get hurt... Anything could happen... I can't protect you from Tank...". He breathed out a huge sigh and shook his head sadly, "I can't even protect you from me..."

Evie shook her head at him, her eyes filling with tears, "That wasn't your fault, Josh!".

"I still can't promise you it won't happen again... I don't even know how it happened this time. I would never hurt you, Evie!... It makes me sick to think that I've hurt you... but I did... and I can't change that", he said quietly crying, with tears streaming down his cheeks. "I can't trust myself... I can't take that risk"

He thought about Tank, and wondered what new torture he had in mind for him. Given what he'd done to his own father, he figured it wasn't going to be pleasant. He knew he was coming for him sooner or later. Police protection or not, Tank would find a way to get to him. He didn't want Evie to be here when that happened, he couldn't put Evie in that kind of danger. It was better that she left now before something even worse happened. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if she got hurt again because of him.

"But... I love you Josh" she said, sobbing.  Deep down she knew he was right but she didn't want to admit it to herself. She was a little scared of him now. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep in the same bed as him, not for a long time anyway. She wasn't sure she'd be able to share a bed with anyone right now. The thought that Tank might break in some night was also weighing heavily on her mind. She knew she should want to be there for Josh, to protect him, but she realised she wasn't strong enough for that. This whole thing with Josh had shaken her to the core and she didn't think her nerves could take any more.

"I love you too, Evie" said Josh, "That's why you have to go". 

He turned to Oscar and said, "Take care of her for me... I do love her, you know?"

Oscar was glad he hadn't had to have that conversation with Josh, and that he'd come to the same conclusion on his own. He knew Evie would be heartbroken but it would be easier to deal with her if she didn't think of him as the 'bad guy'. He'd been preparing himself to be the one that broke them up, the one she was allowed to be angry with... He was willing to do that for her, to give her someone to rail against if that's what she needed, because he needed to know that she was safe. He looked at Josh, lost in his private world of darkness and fear, and thought how sad and unfair this whole thing was. Evie had actually found a good man who clearly loved her more than he loved himself, who had put her first. Josh had let her go, to keep her safe,  and Oscar would be forever grateful to him for that. 

Oscar got up and took Evie's hand, gently pulling her up off the couch. She let go of Josh's hand and collapsed into Oscar's arms, sobbing inconsolably. He looked at Josh, the utter desolation written on his face, and said, "Look after yourself, Josh".  

Oscar led Evie to the door but she began to fight him, trying to turn back to Josh, crying, "I love you, Josh! I love you!". Oscar gripped her wrists and pulled her back into a hug as she collapsed in fits of tears. 

Josh listened as their footsteps, and Evie's sobbing, disappeared into the distance. He realised he hadn't been breathing for the last minute or so,  holding his breath to the point where his chest felt like it might explode. He let out the breath and started to cry again. 

The anger he felt was overwhelming. He had lost Evie! He had lost the one thing that made him feel safe, the person he loved more than anyone else in this world. The more he thought about it, the angrier he felt. Tank had taken everything from him! He'd taken his sight, his sense of self, his confidence, his feeling of security, every tiny bit of control he'd ever had... His life wasn't his own anymore. Tank was controlling him even when he wasn't here! Even his own mind was betraying him, giving Tank power over him. He could feel the anger rising in his chest and he couldn't hold it in any longer. He had to hit something!

Kyle came rushing out of his room to find Josh smashing furniture in a fit of rage. He'd been in his room with Tamara, giving Evie and Josh some space to sort things out with Oscar. He hadn't realised they'd left. The sudden crashes had made his heart leap, sure that Tank must be here, or that Oscar was fighting with Josh again. Instead he found Josh intent on smashing up John's livingroom, crying hysterically and screaming the house down. He wasn't making words, it was more like the anguished howl of an injured animal. 

He rushed over to him, wide eyed in shock, and tried to grab hold of his arms to restrain him. Josh lashed out angrily, catching Kyle in the face with his elbow, and staggering backwards into John's bookshelf. He fell to the floor taking the book shelves and the books with him, landing in a broken heap. He slumped with his head hanging, sobbing uncontrollably, as his fury dissipated into pure despair. Kyle was nursing his split lip, wondering what to do. He looked around at the wreck of John's livingroom with a flicker of anger, wondering how they were going to explain this to John, but his heart nearly broke when he looked at Josh sitting in a heap on the floor. He couldn't be angry with him, he realised that Josh was more broken than anything in this room.  He sat down beside him and pulled Josh's head in against his chest. He took out his phone and texted Andy "Think you'd better get home". 

[Ludub]

Thanks again to KittCatt, JarlieFanEver, and Kristen for the very kind comments. Always much appreciated  Hope you like this chapter!

CHAPTER 29

"Is it okay if I take him away for a few days?" asked Andy, hanging over the desk at the police station. 

"Yeah, course, he's not a suspect...", said Kat, looking a little confused by the question, "He's free to go wherever he wants".

"I just meant with the police surveillance and everything.", said Andy, "I wasn't sure if we needed permission or not. What happens with them? Do they stay or do they come with us?"

"Oh right, um... I actually need to talk to you about that... I was going to come over to speak to you... and Josh" said Kat, biting her bottom lip. She always did that when she was nervous. "Maybe come into the interview room with me for a moment?".

She led him into one of the interview rooms and closed the door. Andy thought how strange it was to be in here on friendly terms, to sit across from a policewoman in this room without being accused of something. The room itself made him feel nervous. He sat down and waited for her to speak, thinking that it must be something serious if she didn't want to tell him about it out there.

"Andy, there's no easy way to say this." she said, frowning and looking very nervous. 

He was worried now, "What's this about, Kat?" he said.

She took a deep breath, looking up into Andy's worried eyes, and said, "We found hidden cameras all over your house... In Josh's room, in your room, in the kitchen, the livingroom, even the bathroom."

Andy sat back, his eyes widening in horror, and let out a gasp of air. He was speechless for a moment, before he eventually managed, "what... uh... who put them there?... Tank?! He's been watching us?!"

Kat nodded and said, "Yes, Andy, it looks that way... they're fairly sophisticated... very small cameras, transmitting to an unknown server, it bounces around a bit... we haven't been able to trace it yet... He has sound recording equipment too... I think he may have been watching you for some time... He had three cameras in Josh's room!"

Andy stared at the wall beside him, unable to fully take this in. Josh had been telling them for weeks and weeks that he felt like he was being watched, and he'd been right! Tank had been watching them like some kind of sick version of Big Brother, a personal show just for him. He wondered what he'd been looking for, what he'd wanted to see. It made his skin crawl to think that they'd been living in that house, being watched by that twisted creep, every minute of every day.

He sat forward with his elbows on the table and ran his hands through his hair.  He looked up at Kat and said,  "And you're no closer to finding this sicko, are you?!"

She looked at him, shaking her head sadly, "No, Andy... He's keeping a very low profile, we've found no trace of him since we found Greg."

He sat with his head resting on one hand, and said, "Any change with him?"

"He's still in the ICU. He seems to have stabilised but it's a bit of a waiting game".

As she looked at Andy, it struck her that this was a man at the end of his tether. He looked exhausted, with dark circles around his eyes, and a look that said he hadn't really slept in weeks. He was clearly living on his nerves. She tilted her head at him in sympathy, and said, "It might do you both good to get out of the Bay for a day or two. The car will stay outside whether you're there or not. We want to make sure everyone is safe".

He nodded slowly, still a little dazed at this new revelation, and said "I'm gonna take him to the city for a day or two. Heath and Bianca have said we can stay with them..." He sighed loudly and rubbed his tired eyes, "I don't know what else to do with him."

His eyes started to well up a little and he blinked furiously to regain his composure, "He's at breaking point..." he said, his voice trembling a little. 

Kat reached out and put her hand on his. He looked up at her, and gave her a sad smile, surprised at this show of compassion. She suddenly looked a little embarrassed and pulled her hand away.  He looked back down at the desk again, shaking his head sadly, and said, "or maybe he passed that point a long time ago..."

*****

Heath eyed Josh with concern as he returned to the livingroom. He'd just put Josh and Andy's bags in the spare room and come back to find both of them sitting on the couch with Bianca and Darcy. 

Heath really wasn't sure about this whole thing, and was worried about the safety of his family. It had been Bianca who had answered the call, and agreed to it. He knew he would probably have refused. It wasn't that he didn't care about Josh, he did. Josh was Casey's brother and that made him 'blood' and, in a way, it made Andy 'blood' too. He knew that Brax would have wanted him to look out for Josh, and that Casey would probably have never forgiven him if he turned his back on him. It was just that Andy had been a little too upfront about what was going on and he was worried that Josh might be a bit too unhinged to have around his wife and children... And that was setting aside the fact that he had some psycho after him! What had Bianca been thinking?!

"So, you're meeting the other loopers tomorrow then?" asked Heath.

"Heath!" said Bianca in that scolding schoolteacher voice she always used with him. "Don't be so rude! It's a group for blind people". She hated how he always over compensated with tough-guy bullying bravado when he was nervous.

"Riiiiight" he said, smiling mischievously. "But you have gone a bit crazy, right?"

"Yeah, Heath..." said Josh, actually appreciating the way that Heath always cut right to the chase and never pussyfooted around anything. He hated all this oversensitive treading on eggshells. There was nothing more guaranteed to make him feel nervous than people skirting around the issue. "Mad as a bag of cats" he said, smiling a sad sarcastic smile.

Andy shook his head at Heath, with a disappointed expression. He didn't think Josh needed this kind of bullying with the state he was in, but they were in Heath's house so he decided to let it go.

Bianca wanted to change the subject so she said "What does everyone want for dinner? I can make some risotto if people like that, or we can get some pizza delivered. Any preferences?"

"I don't care what we eat!" said Josh, a little too quickly. He didn't mean it to sound like he was snapping at her, but he was finding it hard to keep up this upbeat facade. He was tired and emotional and being around people right now was the last thing he wanted. "Sorry, I mean I don't mind", he said blushing a little.

"That's okay, Josh", said Bianca, glancing at Andy. 

He shrugged at her apologetically and said to Josh, "I'll choose something for you, mate".

Josh shook his head and said, "Actually, do you mind if I skip dinner? I just want to go to bed... if that's okay?".

"Josh, you've hardly eaten in days!" said Andy, looking at Josh in concern. Heath and Bianca exchanged glances, thinking this might not have been such a good idea. Josh was obviously more of a mess than he was letting on.

"Yeah, because I'm not hungry, Andy!" he snapped. "Can you stop mothering me?!" said Josh, his anxiety levels rising. He wanted out of this room and away from everyone. He had an overwhelming urge to escape, to run, and never stop running, but he knew he couldn't. The frustration was unbearable. He just couldn't deal with them all right now, with their sympathetic tones and their obvious silent communucation. He needed to be alone for a while. 

Darcy had been watching Josh closely since he arrived. Bianca had sat her down before they got there, and explained about Josh going blind, and that he was going through a tough time at the moment. She had been excited to meet a real life blind person, and couldn't hide her curiosity now that her dad had said he was crazy too. She'd been fascinated watching him try to navigate his way around the livingroom, feeling his way around obstacles, and letting Andy lead him. She could see how stressed he was, his fists clenched so his fingernails were digging into his hands, trying hard to breathe normally. "Why don't you come with me, Uncle Josh? I'll show you where you're sleeping tonight." she said, smiling at Bianca.

"That's very kind of you, Darce" said Bianca, smiling back at her stepdaughter with pride. "Is that okay, Josh?" she called out to him, having moved across the room to the kitchen.

Josh slowly got to his feet and took hold of Darcy's arm. She proudly led him around the couch and out to the hallway slowly, narrating as they went. He couldn't help but smile a little as she described everything in minute detail, from the colour of the floorboards, to the fact that there was a cobweb above the doorframe that Bianca had missed. She opened the door to the spare room, and led him in, continuing the commentary.  She helped him find the bed and then plonked herself down beside him.  He could feel her eyes on him, staring at him, with fascination.

"What's it like?", she asked, covering her own eyes with her hands. "What's it like to be blind?".

He sighed a heavy sigh, blinking back tears,  and said, "Right now, Darcy?... It's the least of my worries".

*****

"So we have a new member of the group today", said the counsellor. "Jamie, would you mind telling us about yourself?". 

"Well, like she said, I'm Jamie" he said in a soft American accent, like he was from somewhere in the Southern states. "I'm 22... Um... I moved here from Tennessee, with my folks when I was about 17.... um, my dad is a doctor, and my mom is a schoolteacher. I have two younger sisters.... Ummmm... When I lost my sight I had to move back in with my folks... which really sucks.  It was a motorcycle accident... bout a year ago. I got a big old piece of metal lodged in my face... lots of surgeries... but there was no fixing my eyes... so um, here I am... so yeah..."

"Thanks Jamie" said the counsellor. "Do you have any interests you'd like to tell us about?"

"I like sound recording, mixing, that kind of thing... Wanted to be a filmmaker before this happened. Sound mixing is the next best thing, I guess."

There had been clear reactions of pity around the room when Jamie told them about his accident, similar to Josh's assault story. Josh was wondering why Jamie seemed so familiar. He didn't know any Americans so he assumed that he must remind him of someone off the TV.

"Josh, I understand that you've been having a very hard time of it. Your brother spoke to me earlier today. Would you like to tell the group about it?...", said the counsellor, sounding very worried about him. "You don't have to, Josh, we can wait until you're ready." 

Josh sat forward and took a deep breath, wondering where to begin. This was all so complicated, and he knew it would make him sound like some kind of crazy conspiracy theorist, but he needed to say it outloud. He decided it didn't really matter if they believed him or not. He closed his eyes and started talking, pretending that he was simply narrating a story to an empty room. Before long he was shaking and crying, tears streaming down his face. The feeling of release was incredible though. He wasn't holding back any of the details, and he knew he was shocking some of the rest of the group, but he needed to say it. There were loud gasps every now and then but no one interrupted him. He did feel someone put their hand on his knee, which made him jump a little, but he chose to ignore it. He needed to unburden himself, to say what he was feeling, to purge. He wasn't really even aware of the others in the room after a while, it was just him, his breathing, his tears, his misery...

He hadnt really stopped shaking when Jamie came up to him after the meeting. The counsellor introduced them and then left them to talk.

"I was blown away by your story", said Jamie. "I can't imagine going through something like that! I mean, how do you even get out of bed in the morning?!"

"Um... I'm just trying to get on with things... I guess" said Josh, wondering the same thing. It was hard to get out of bed most days. Life was a struggle, even before he thought about Tank and everything else. 

"I can't believe there's really some psycho stalking you", said Jamie, clearly more excited about the story, than sympathetic. "Aren't you afraid he might have followed you here?!" he asked.

Josh felt his stomach churn a little at the thought. "I don't think he would have." said, Josh hoping he was right. 

He wasn't enjoying this conversation. Talking to new people was difficult at the best of times but this guy was a little weird and the whole thing was just making him feel more nervous. He made his excuses and went outside to wait for Andy.  

*****

Tank watched Josh leave, smirking to himself.  He wondered how people were so gullible. His American accent wasn't even that good and he was pretty sure he hadn't done a particularly good job using that cane he'd stolen. But no one seemed to want to call him on it. They were all such do-gooder types. They wanted to believe that everyone was genuine, that they were who said they were, that they could be trusted. He was amazed that even Josh had bought into good old Jamie's sob story. A motorcycle accident! 

He'd had fun coming up with that back story, just enough detail to be plausible, and that accent had been fun! His dad hadn't seemed too impressed with his rehearsal performance though. He'd been a pretty tough audience, whinging on about wanting water, and wanting to go to the hospital, rather than giving constructive feedback. That's why he'd had to gag him in the end. 

He'd enjoyed Josh's performance at the support group more than he could have imagined. He'd had to stifle his laughter so many times he thought he would burst. How could anyone be this pathetic, and if they were, why on earth would they go admitting it to everyone?! 'He was a funny, funny guy, that Josh', thought Tank. An absolute pleasure to watch. He just wished he could have recorded it. He hadn't been able to make a new episode since they'd all moved out of their house, although the police bumbling about had been pretty entertaining too. He thought it was pretty amusing that Josh and his idiot brothers had just moved next door, like he'd never look there! He'd seen the cops sitting outside, keeping an eye on the house, which was hilarious. He'd actually walked right up to the car the other day and asked them for directions and they hadn't even batted an eye. Why were other people so stupid?!

He knew Josh was going back to the Bay in a few days.  He smiled to himself, thinking that it would give him some time to sort out the things he needed to. The anticipation was killing him.

[Ludub]

Thanks again for the lovely comments  Hope you enjoy this chapter!

CHAPTER 30

Kat leaned her arms on the nurse's station waiting for Nate to come and speak to her. They'd received the call 20 minutes ago and she'd wasted no time in getting down there. Greg was awake and asking to speak to the police. The nurse had gone to get Nate because he'd left instruction that she needed to speak to him first.

Nate rounded the corner, walking quickly towards the nurse's station, looking stressed. He had plastic scrubs on from treating an urgent trauma patient but he'd come straight away when he was told Kat was there. 

"Think you'd better come with me, Kat. I need to put you in the picture" he said, beckoning for her to follow him to the family room. She followed him into the room and sat down on one of the chairs, watching him with concern. This clearly wasn't good news. He closed the door and pulled a chair up so he was facing her.

"What's going on, Nate?" said Kat, furrowing her brow, "I was told Greg Snelgrove had woken up?"

"He's regained consciousness, yes" said Nate, nodding solemnly, "...but... he's gone into multiple organ failure. His liver was too badly damaged and his kidneys are shutting down".

Kat looked shocked. She knew he'd had a head injury and some significant blood loss but she'd thought he would recover. She'd hoped he would recover. "How... but... I thought it was a head injury!?".

Nate nodded again, frowning. "He lost a lot of blood from the head injury but he had some internal bleeding too... from blunt force trauma to the abdomen. Probably a kick to the stomach... Add to that, the dehydration he endured over a number of days..." He shook his head, this was the part of his job that he hated. "He doesn't have very long".

All sorts of thoughts ran through her head. With Greg's death, this would be upgraded to a murder investigation. That would ramp things up significantly with the police department, probably gaining the attention of some of the bigger fish in the city. At the very least, Emerson would probably take the lead now and she'd be relegated to simply assisting him. She felt sick with worry. There was a much greater likelihood that things would come out now, about her screwing up and missing that handprint. At best, it would look like incompetence, but if Josh made a complaint, they might even bring charges of misconduct. This was very, very bad, she thought. At the same time, she felt ashamed that she was so worried about getting into trouble, thinking about herself and her career, when a man's life was slowly slipping away. Above all, she had an overwhelming sense of guilt. Greg was going to die now, and it was partly her fault! Maybe if they'd gotten there sooner he'd have had a better chance. If that was true, then this was her fault. How would she live with herself after this?!

She nodded slowly at Nate, trying to hide her inner turmoil and retain some semblance of professionalism. "But he's talking now?" she asked, wondering if he could give them something to go on, that would help them track Tank down. At least if she could bring in a plausible lead it might help her case a little.

"He is, yes... and he's been asking to speak to you" said Nate. "...but, you need to be aware that he's on high levels of morphine right now, so I don't know how much sense you'll get out of him." He reached out and put his hand on her arm, "Take it easy on him Kat. He's not a well man."

She sat back and let out a heavy sigh. "Poor Greg" she said, shaking her head sadly. Putting all her own private worries aside, she felt terrible for Tank's father. By all accounts, he had been a good man, who hadn't done anyone any harm. It gave her chills when she thought about the grey and lifeless body she'd found in that shack the other day. He didn't deserve to die like that. She wondered why Tank had done this. What kind of person could do this to their own father?

*****

Kat walked into the slightly darkened room, nervous about seeing him again. She hadn't been able to get that image of him in the chair out of her head since it happened. She was dreading this. The blinds had been partially closed, creating a dim light, which she guessed was meant to be soothing for the patient but gave the room a very sombre tone. Greg was lying in the bed, hooked up to a multitude of machines, with tubes and wires everywhere. His colour hadn't improved much from the last time she'd seen him and he looked like he'd lost a lot of weight too, particularly on his face. He looked like a man suddenly twenty years older than he was, pale, and gaunt, and wasted. This was a man who was clearly dying.

She pulled up a chair beside his bed and gently took his hand. "Greg? Can you hear me?" she asked.

His eyes slowly flickered open and he turned his head to look at her. His eyes were sunken in his head but they had a wild look, staring in fear like something hunted. Slowly a look of recognition crept over his face, as he looked at Kat's name badge and uniform. "Hello... you came" he said hoarsely, giving a weak smile.

"Yes, Greg. I understand you wanted to speak to me?" she said, tilting her head in sympathy.

"You have to stop him!" he said, his eyes filling with tears. "He's my son... but he's a monster... you have to stop him". His voice was hoarse and he was slurring his words badly.

He reached out and took her arm in a tight grip, his eyes bulging, giving him a crazed look. "We knew!... We knew and we did nothing about it! Me and his mother, we knew!".

Kat looked at him with shock. He was hurting her arm, digging his fingers into her flesh, and staring at her in a way that frightened her. He was very strong for someone who was not long for this world, she thought. "You knew?... You knew what?" she asked him, looking confused.

He let go of her arm and collapsed back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. He was breathing heavily and making a wheezing sound. "Why didn't we do anything?!"

"What are you talking about, Greg?" she asked. She wondered if this was just the morphine talking, if he was making any sense at all... "What did you know, Greg?!" she asked, getting a little impatient.

"He killed that cat... we should have done something then..." he said quietly. Tears were running down his cheeks and he was staring at the ceiling vacantly. "Kept it in a box in his bed for weeks" he said, shuddering as he cried. "We knew he wasn't right then... but he was our son and we loved him."

He turned to look at her again but there was a absent look like he was staring right through her. "We should have got him some help... Maybe he wouldn't have hurt that boy..."

"The boy?!... Greg, do you mean Josh Barrett?!" she asked him, hoping that they were finally getting somewhere.

"That poor boy" he cried, whimpering at the thought. He closed his eyes shut and shook his head. "The things he did..."

"What did he do, Greg?!" asked Kat, sounding worried. She didn't want to think that Tank had done anything really bad to Josh. She thought he was a good kid and that he really didn't deserve any of this.

"He made me watch..." he said, sobbing uncontrollably, "he made me watch..."

"He made you watch?!" repeated Kat, trying to understand the timeline of events. Surely Greg hadn't been there when Tank kidnapped Josh? Suddenly she thought of the cameras hidden all around the Barrett house and it dawned on her that Tank must have kept recordings. "He made you watch his videos?!"

"The things he did..." he said, slurring his words. His eyes closed and his face took on a blank expression. 

"Greg?! Greg?!" she said, shaking him lightly, but he'd lost consciousness. Kat gave an exasperated sigh. They hadn't managed to get anything useful out of this interview and it looked like Greg was going to take Tank's secrets to his grave. She patted his hand and whispered in his ear, "We'll stop him Greg, we'll get him the help he needs".

*****

Andy hung up the phone, staring into space, in shock. Kat had called him to let him know that Greg had passed away. She wanted them to know that this was now a murder investigation and that operations would be stepped up to find Tank.  

He thought about the man he'd thrown out of his garden that night he'd come to speak to Josh. He'd been so earnest, so worried, so keen to plead his son's case. He'd been trying to be a good father. How had it come to this?

Andy looked across the room. He could see Josh sitting outside on the balcony with Darcy. They were having breakfast in the sunshine and Darcy was wearing a blindfold, talking excitedly to Josh as they ate. She'd started this game since the day after they'd arrived, blindfolding herself with one of Bianca's scarves, and following Josh around the house trying to understand what it was like for him. She wouldn't take the blindfold off, and Heath was getting a little fed up with the whole thing. She'd managed to overturn a huge jar of rice when she'd insisted on helping Bianca to cook. Josh had been a bit bemused at first, unsure of what to make of it, but it was clear he was actually enjoying it now. He was spending a lot of time teaching her how to do things he'd only recently learned himself. He was out there now showing her how to butter toast, and how to pour drinks without spilling, and they were giggling like a couple of schoolchildren. Darcy was good for Josh, thought Andy. He smiled a bit more when she was around and she'd even got him to eat again. Her fearless approach to his blindness was refreshing, almost making it into a game that they could both enjoy, and it was helping to take his mind off things back home.

Andy wondered whether to tell Josh about Greg.  He didn't want to bring that dark and scary world crashing back into the one that Darcy had created for him here, not just yet. Josh seemed to feel safe here, or at least, safer than he did in Summer Bay. He wasn't as jumpy, and spending time with Darcy was clearly helping. Even Heath and Bianca were having a positive effect. They had tried to make things as normal for him as possible, not wrapping him up in cotton wool like the rest of them did. Bianca and Heath had been making him help out with things around the house, flanked by Darcy, imitating him and wearing her blindfold. He'd been enjoying feeling somewhat useful again.

But Andy knew that their welcome was wearing thin, and that Heath and Bianca wanted them to go soon. They'd already stayed longer than first intended because Josh didn't want to go home and was dragging his feet. He was scared to go back there, and at least while he was here, he didn't have to really think about the fact he'd lost Evie.  It was more like being on holiday, except he was terrified of what was waiting for him at home. 

Andy decided to keep the stuff about Greg to himself for now. As Tamara had said before, "there was plenty of time for reality to kick him in the nuts again."