Missing Heart

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 10

Danni peered at Michelle sitting on a sun bed the other side of the swimming pool. Brett was with her and the two of them seemed to be getting on. She stood up and moved slowly towards the house grinning as she saw Ella in the kitchen with Sophie.

“Hey.” She called out.

“Hey yourself. “ Ella said softly. “We’ve just made a pitcher of fruit punch to bring out to you.”

“Perhaps Sophie could walk it down to them. You coming out for a swim?” Danni asked her eyes meeting with Ella’s.

“Off you go Sophie.” Ella murmured after a moment.

Sophie grinned at her and picked up the jug and a pile of beakers and began to walk carefully to the swimming pool.

Ella grinned at her daughter before clearing down the top and putting the fruit away. She tipped the rubbish into the bin before washing her hands and turning to Danni.

“Ok you have about five minutes before someone will want me.” Ella told Danni.

“It’s been rough then?” Danni said frowning.

Ella smiled and reached for a cup off the wall and tipped the last of the coffee into it before walking out to the veranda and sitting down. Danni followed and sat opposite Ella.

“It’s been a nightmare Danni.” Ella said slowly. “But you don’t want to hear that. You want me to take away your guilt about leaving us. I haven’t heard from Mike for two months now. My Dad has said he’s ok but I don’t know if he’s going to come home after his tour is over.”

“Mum.” Danni protested.

“I’m not saying anything you don’t already know. The question is are you planning to let Mike know he’s about to become a Dad and give him a reason for coming home or are you going to keep that to yourself?”

“I think you are being a bit harsh.” Danni said feeling tears gather in her eyes.

“I don’t have time to pussyfoot around you Danni. You’ve seen how it is here. Even with Irene’s help I don’t usually get a minute to myself from the time I wake up to going to bed. Lily and Liam are in nursery full time and the twins go to crèche twice a week, which helps. Miles, Aden and Geoff take it in turned to come and help sort the garden. Lee cleans three times a week.” Ella pointed out her tone gentle.

“What do you think he would say if I tell him?” Danni muttered folding her arms over her stomach.

“I think he would be upset at first but then would be very protective of you.” Ella murmured kicking off her shoes and lifting her feet up on her chair. “He’s hurting more than any of us over Roman’s death.”

Danni nodded before she looked at Ella.

“Tell me.” She said after a minute.

“He was standing in front of Roman about 30 seconds before the first shot. 30 seconds Danni between Roman being shot and Mike protecting him. That is going through his head all the time and he can’t escape those thoughts. He could have declined the recall notice, stating medical reasons but he wanted to go because if he didn’t then maybe someone in his unit could have been next.”

“I didn’t know that.” Danni said quietly. “I didn’t understand his pain.”

“And now you do?” Ella murmured glancing down the garden to where Lily was standing. For once her daughter had got out of the pool before being chased down and that had her frowning.

“I’m going to write to him and ask him if we can talk when he’s home.” Danni whispered.

Ella turned and looked at her.

“It may take more than that.” She cautioned.

“I can’t do anything else Ella.” Danni protested her hand going to her stomach.

“You can tell him he’s going to be a Dad.”

“Like you told Roman that time.” Danni snapped.

Ella smiled.

“Mike isn’t Roman.” She said and stood up.

“Ella.” Danni called out.

“Lily wants me.” Ella said to her pointing down to her daughter.

“I need you too. You weren’t there for me.” Danni said her hand shooting to her mouth as she realised what she’d said.

Ella turned and looked at her.

“I wasn’t there for you because you wouldn’t let me be.” She said quietly. “You may say you need me now but nothing I say is going to change your mind about how you tell Mike about the baby. You think that if you tell him he’ll get himself killed or even worse than that, he’ll hate you for keeping it from him.”

She began walked towards Lily when Danni called out once more making her turn and look at her daughter.

“I got pregnant deliberately.” Danni cried out before she burst into sobs.

“I know.” Ella said softly moving back to her and knelling in front of her. “You wanted to have something of him in case the worst happened.”

Danni nodded before collapsing into Ella arms and sobbing. She continued to talk but her words were unintelligible.

“Danni shush.” Ella called softly.

“I –hic- misshimso-hic-much.” Danni cried out.

Ella nodded.

“I know my lovely girl.” She told her softly. “But he’s going to come home soon.”

“I really need him home.” Danni gasped out.

“Then tell him. Write to him and let him know he is loved and needed.” Ella said easing up. “Now I really have to go and see to Lily.” She added hearing her other daughter crying.

She moved down the garden and picked up her Lily and hugged her.

“Mama splash.” Lily said to her.

“Did someone splash you?” Ella asked her.

Lily nodded.

“Did you splash anyone?”

Lily shook her head quickly.

“Are you sure?” Ella whispered.

Lily leaned back and gave her mother her most innocent look before she pursed her lips.

“Sure Mama.” She said softly.

“Ok then, I think you need to go give Danni a hug because she hasn’t’ seen you for so long she needs some Lily hugs.” Ella said to her and lowered her to her feet. She grinned as Lily turned and ran up the garden launching herself at Danni and putting her arms around her legs.

Danni frowned before she bent down and carefully lifted her sister into her lap. She glared at Ella before smiling as Lily planted a big kiss on her cheek.

“I’m sorry Danni but you can get Mike back. Roman is gone forever.” Ella whispered. “Try getting over that pain.”

She straightened her shoulders and moved over to them before placing a kiss on the top of Danni’s head.

“It’s going to be ok.” she promised her. “I’ll make time to come and see you in the city. We’ll spend some time together.”

Danni looked up and nodded.

“That would be good.” She said quietly.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 11

Roman looked over at the surf, a bottle of beer in his hand and a pair of shades covering his eyes. The day had started out well, he’s overslept and been late for work. Then burnt his hand and finally his car had died on the way home. He’d pushed it into the side before getting the mechanic to come and take a look. He knew the bill would be enormous and he would struggle to find the money to pay for it.

Sipping the beer he glanced at his watch and calculated how long it would take him to hitch home to Summer Bay. He frowned before sipping the beer once more. Sunday afternoon and the children would be doing chores, last minute homework and then chilling out. On a day like this he bet that it would involve the swimming pool. His thought drifted then thinking of Lily in the pool and wondering if Ella had managed to get her to come out of it when she was called.

Sighing with the ache that was going through thinking of his family he stood up and moved to the storeroom at the edge of the veranda and opened it up. He looked through the gloom before seeing pots of paint and a pile of paintbrushes. He collected the large tin and opened it up checking that the paint was all right before he grabbed one of the brushes and moved around the side of the house and began painting.

If he got a decent night’s sleep then maybe he would feel so bad tomorrow. Of course if he stopped with the drinking then maybe he would feel better but he forced that thought from his head and began to focus on painting. Within an hour he had most of the side covered and had moved round the back and begun painting that.

He was surprised at the difference the new coat of paint made to the place, he thought before heading back to the storage room and looking for a ladder. He settled for grabbing a couple of chairs and balancing on them to reach the high bits. He made a second trip to the storage room and took out the next tin of paint, checking the bath numbers before he undid the brand new tin. Hours went past while he painted his house and he couldn’t help but know that Ella would have done a better job.

Ella eased out of the nursery before going into Lily and Liam’s and seeing them into bed. She grinned as she saw Lily was wide-awake and was reading a book.

“Lily squeals.” She called softly.

Lily sat up in her bed and chuckled.

“I not squeals Mama.” She murmured.

“Bet you do if I ickle you.” Ella told her moving over to her side.

“Mama, Lily is sad.”

“And why is Lily girl sad?” Ella asked her removing the book and placing it on her bedside unit. She eased Lily down under the covers and tucked her in.

“No Mike or Danni.” Lily said with a pout.

“I know sweet girl but Danni came to visit didn’t she? And I bet she’ll come back again.” Ella promised her. “How about you draw a nice picture that we can send to Mike and let him know we are thinking of him?”

Lily nodded.

“Now?” she asked with a grin.

“No my Lily girl, now is bedtime or you’ll be sleepy tomorrow in nursery.”

Lily pouted and gave her the big eyes before frowning when her mother smiled at her.

“Tomorrow.” Ella promised. “Now sleeps little Lily girl” Ella told her before moving over to Liam. She pulled his covers up and chuckled when he kicked them off again.

“Night my babes.” Ella whispered kissing his head. She moved out of the room and headed down the stairs before sinking into a seat on one of the long sofas.

“Mum.” Gabby called out coming in through the back holding Daniella.

“What’s the matter?” Ella asked.

“Well our stuff isn’t getting here for a few days and I wondered if I could borrow a crib or something. I tried putting her in her buggy to sleep but she wouldn’t settle.”

Ella nodded and eased up off the sofa.

“Strike me love you looked shattered.” Irene commented.

“Oh Mum.” Gabby cried out feeling guilty.

“It’s ok.” Ella tried to smile at them but her tiredness stopped her. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

She moved up the stairs and then made her way up the next set of stairs slipping into the room.

“Hey Mum.” Georgie called out. He was seating at the desk with his laptop playing some kind of game.

“Hey.” Ella said walking past him.

“Are you after the girls?” he murmured gesturing with his head to Sophie’s room where Sophie and Meggy were.

“No just the attic.” Ella said grinning at him. “Want to give me a hand?”

“Sure.” He told her, pausing his game and standing up. “What do you need?”

“Gabby needs a crib for Daniella.” Ella explained.

“She staying?” he asked.

“You mean Sophie didn’t tell you?” Ella chuckled as she walked through to the attic. She saw the crib stacked to one side and picked up the bassinet section and handed Georgie the stand. He turned and moved away.

“Hang on.” Ella called.

She placed the bassinet to one side before moving to Roman’s trunk.

“You been looking at this?” she asked Georgie.

He shook his head.

“I think Sammy was up here last.” Georgie told her. “Is there a problem?”

Ella shook her head and opened up the trunk. She looked inside and saw that a few of Roman’s things were out of place.

“Mum?” Georgie asked.

“Go get Sammy.” she told him. “I’m not mad I’m upset he didn’t ask and that he didn’t lock it afterwards.”

Georgie nodded and moved out to fetch his brother.

Ella sat down by the trunk and took out Roman’s diary. She opened it to the first page and saw her husband’s handwriting. It sent a jolt through her and she felt her eyes misting over before she blinked the moisture away.

“Mummy.” Sammy called out.

“Was this you?” Ella asked.

Sammy nodded.

“Ok, can you please make sure it is locked after you look in it please.” She murmured looking at him. “Did you take anything out?”

He shook his head.

“Alright Sammy.” She said to him. “Go and get the key and lock it for me please.”

She stood still holding the diary before collecting the bassinet and moving out of the attic. Georgie looked at Sammy and frowned.

“What were you looking for?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I was just looking.” Sammy muttered. “And now I won’t get another chance because she’ll put the key somewhere else.”

“Sammy if there is something you need to say you can talk to me. I’m your brother.”

Sammy shook his head before moving out of the attic leaving Georgie frowning at his back before he picked up the stand and moved out himself. He carried it down the stairs and out to the stables, making a second trip and taking the bassinet for his Mum.

“Thank you Darl.” Irene called out.

“Yeah, thanks Georgie.” Ella called giving him a tired smile.

Gabby grinned at him before looking at Ella.

“Irene is right you are dead on your feet.”

“I’m fine.” Ella murmured. “Been a busy weekend.”

“Not half.” Irene said softly a smile on her face.

“You need any sheets or covers?” Ella murmured to Gabby.

“No we’re good aren’t we little girl?”

Daniella nodded and lifted up her fingers to her mouth and sucked on them.

“Hey babes have you gone shy?” Gabby chuckled at her daughter as she buried her face in her side and shook her head at the question. “But you know Nana don’t you?”

Daniella shook her head again.

Ella laughed.

“Don’t tease her, eh Daniella, tell Mama not to tease you.” Ella called softly.

Daniella lifted up her head and looked at Ella before looking at Gabby. She gave her mother a grin.

“Is Nana telling me off?” Gabby asked laughing when Daniella nodded. She moved over to Ella and lent down kissing her cheek before she moved over to the door. “It’s good to be home.” She said to them. “Night, see you tomorrow.”

“Night.” Ella called watching them go.

She felt Irene looking at her and she grinned before standing up.

“I’ll have an early night then.” She told Irene.

“Good idea.” Irene said watching her go up the stairs.

Ella eased into her room and closed the door. She picked up Roman’s dairy and opened it back at the first page and began reading as she sat back on the bed.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 12

Ella woke from a disturbed sleep and eased up. She pushed a hand through her hair and climbed out of the bed moving over to the shower in the en suite. She came out after a few minutes and dressed in her normal jeans and t shirt before heading down the stairs and getting coffee started. It wasn’t long before she had the breakfasts sorted and was working on the packed lunches. When everything was ready she moved out of the kitchen and back up the stairs seeing to the babies first before Lily and Liam before taking them all downstairs. She gave them breakfasts and sat with them before the other children came down.

“Mama.” Lily called out.

“What baby girl?” Ella asked turning to her and smiling knowing that her daughter was going to mention the drawing for Mike.

“When can I draw?” Lily murmured with a smile.

“This afternoon.” Ella said to her. “I’ll go and buy you some new colours.”

“Really Mama?” Lily cried out.

Ella nodded before leaning over and kissing her daughter’s cheek.

“We’ll make it a nice picture and put it in a frame and everything.” She promised her.

Lily grinned happily.

“Will it make Mike come home?” she asked.

“I don’t know about that.” Ella said slowly. “But it will tell him how much you love him.”

Lily titled her head to one side as she absorbed the knowledge.

“K’s.” she murmured after a minute.

“Morning Darl.” Irene called out.

“Hey.” Ella said softly. “Coffee in the pot.”

Irene nodded walking through to the kitchen. She poured out a coffee for herself and topped it up with milk before sitting at the table and helping herself to cereal.

“Did you sleep ok Missy?” she asked Ella.

“Yes.” Lily called out in response.

“I wasn’t asking you Missy.” Irene grinned and leaned over to kiss Lily on her cheek.

“I don’t know.” Ella said softly. “I go to bed and it’s like I switch off for a few hours.”

Irene glanced at her over the rim of her cup.

“I was reading his diary last night.” Ella admitted slowly.

“Darl,.” Irene began.

Ella held up her hand stopping the other woman from finishing her comment.

“It’s so strange I just keep getting the feeling that I’m missing something. That’s he’s trying to tell me something. And I don’t think I’m the only one. I think Sammy is….” Ella stopped as the back door opened and Gabby came in with Daniella.

“You need food?” Ella guessed.

Daniella nodded before looking over at the babies. She gave them a shy grin and gurgled when August waved at her.

“Pull up a chair. Want a coffee?” Ella asked.

Gabby smiled and nodded as she moved over to the table.

Ella stood and went into the kitchen coming back a moment later and handing a cup of coffee to Gabby. She placed a bowl in front of Daniella and handed the little girl a spoon.

“What would you like?” Ella asked her. “August likes this cereal.”

Daniella nodded shyly before grinning at August and Fleur.

“Mama baby.” Fleur called out.

“Yes sweetie another baby.” Ella murmured smiling at her daughters. “You want to share your toys with baby?”

August nodded.

“Me share my toys too.” Lily offered quickly.

“I know you will babes but your toys are for bigger babies. Like Mira and Millie.”

Lily looked at her and nodded.

“So what do you do every day?” Gabby asked. “I didn’t realise that you’d moved over here Irene.”

“Meant I was on hand for getting up when Ella needed help with the babies.” Irene explained.

“Couldn’t have coped without her. “ Ella smiled at Irene before giving Gabby a grin.

“I bet and I’ve only got one kid.”

Ella chuckled.

“Well anytime you want to borrow some I’ve got some spare.”

“Yeah, like she would let you. She keep her chicks close.”

Ella glared at her for a moment before she nodded.

“True.” She acknowledged wryly.

“Morning.” Sammy called walking into the room.

“Toast?” Irene asked.

Sammy nodded sitting at the table and pouring out a drink.

Irene stood up and moved into the kitchen putting slices of bread into the toaster.

“Got everything ready for school?” Ella asked him.

Sammy nodded looking over at Gabby.

“Nice to see you home.” He said quietly.

Ella hid her smile knowing it would embarrass Sammy. She stood up and fetched herself another coffee sipping it slowly feeling Irene’s eyes on her as she collected the cereal for Daniella. Irene returned to the table a moment later with the toast. The other children started drifting in and sitting at the table. Sophie making a beeline for Gabby and chuckling when Gabby handed over the baby to her.

“I’ll do the school run for you.” Gabby offered.

“That would be a help especially next week.” Irene said her eyes meeting Ella’s gaze.

“Yup.” Ella agreed.

“What is happening next week?” Gabby asked.

“The diner is reopening.” Ella told them grinning at the squeals of excitement.

“Daddy would be so happy.” Meggy cried out.

“We know.” Ella said softly.

“Can I work a shift there?” Sophie asked quickly. “I think it would be cool to cook one of Daddy’s recipes in the new kitchen.”

Sammy looked at his sister before lowering his eyes to his plate.

“What’s the matter Sammy?” Meggy asked watching her brother.

“Just miss him.” Sammy replied. “I think it’s great about the diner though.” He added quickly. “I bet wherever Daddy is now he’s cooking.”

Ella started at the way Sammy phrased his last sentence and felt a shudder go through her. She heard the blood rushing through her ears and knew that she would faint at any minute. She forced herself to suck in a deep breath and then a second one and the strange dizzy sensation eased.

“I’m sure he is Darl.” She heard Irene say as she composed herself.

“Yeah me too.” Ella murmured taking a long drink of her coffee. “now then how about we finish breakfast and get ready for school.”

Meggy groaned and rolled her eyes making Gabby giggle at her sister.

“Nothing changes then.” Gabby said to Ella.

“Not much.” She agreed.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 13

Roman looked up at the knock at the door. He frowned because he’d kept himself aloof from just about everyone in town, believing it better to keep his distance. He didn’t know of anyone who would be knocking on his door at eight at night and frowned before climbing of the sofa and going over to the door. He opened it cautiously and gasped when he saw who was the other side.

“You b*stard.” Jacko called out swinging his fist and punching Roman in the face.

“New way of saying hello.” Pete commented to James.

Roman staggered back and put his hand to his face his fingers coming back covered with blood. He shook his head and moved to the kitchen grabbing a tea towel and putting that on his face to stem the blood.

“How did you find me?” he asked glaring at the three men.

“No the question you should be asking is do we have Ella with us because if we did you could expect a few more of them.” Jacko said looking at Roman with disgust all over his face.

“It’s not what you think.” Roman muttered.

“So you ain’t Roman Harris the chicken who ran out on his family and left them in hell for a year?” Jacko asked.

“Think he’s pissed?” James asked Pete.

“Possibly.” Pete replied before looking over at Roman. “Maybe if there was a damn good reason that he did this.”

Roman moved to the cupboard and took out his bottle of whisky before reaching for glasses. He pour the golden liquid into the glasses before passing them out frowning as Jacko folded his arms and just glared at him.

“Yugoslavia.” Roman said slowly. “They came and told me that William was bartering the information in exchange for money.”

“They?” Jacko asked before Pete could.

“General Jackson.” Roman murmured mentioning their old commander. Back then he’d been a Major.

“So Ella’s Dad ain’t part of this?” Jacko said slowly looking over at Pete.

Roman shook his head.

“I don’t believe so.”

“You sure about that Hardcore because I got my ass recalled. So did Mike. Pete encountered problems with his pension. James had his PI licence revoked. Seems like they are targeting all of us in one way or another.”

Roman groaned trying not to swear as the movement pulled at his bruised face.

“How did you find me?” he asked.

“Ella asked about your missing Sim card.” Pete told him pulling up a chair and sitting down. “We’d cloned it remember.”

Roman groaned once more before a reluctant grin settled on his bruised face.

“What the hell you grinning at Hardcore?” Jacko muttered.

“It took you a year to figure out I was still alive and track me down? No wonder you call yourselves lousy detectives.” He murmured watching the play of expressions on their faces.

“No it took a year before we thought about looking for you.” Pete said with a hostile tone in his voice. “And then about a day to track down your sorry ass.”

Roman looked at him before folding his arms across himself.

“You can’t tell Ella.” He said clamping down the bit inside of him that wanted them to say they’d already told her.

“And why would we want to ruin her happiness?” Pete asked giving a smile to James and Jacko as he saw the play of emotions on Roman’s face.

“Happiness?” Roman asked the word torn from him. He felt something hit his gut and dismissed it because he knew he had no right to be jealous.

“Yeah, she and the kids are finally happy now they’ve moved on. She’s back dating too.” Pete embellished the lie.

Jacko sniggered at the expression on Roman’s face.

“Now Hardcore just how are you planning to get us out of this mess?” he asked after a moment.

Roman looked at him before shaking his head.

“There is nothing I can do.” He stated.

“Of course there is.” James said catching on to the point he knew that Jacko was going to make. “You are our secret weapon.”

Roman frowned.

“You are dead remember. You telling me that you want this life for the next ten years? Running and hiding? Missing out on those kids of yours?” Jacko murmured giving Pete a glance.

“Seeing some other man get called Daddy.” Pete added.

“Oh for gods sake.” Roman muttered glaring at them. “Leave Ella and the kids out of this. Don’t you understand I’m doing this to protect them?”

“Protect them?” Jacko said softly. “By what stretch of the imagination do you think you being dead is protecting them? They no longer have anyone to look after them. There is no Mike just in the pool house. Anything kicks off and it’s just Ella and the kids.”

Roman looked at him before he felt the familiar guilt of leaving then swamp him. The babies would be walking now. Lily would be a proper madam and Liam would be grown into a young boy and here he was missing it. Sammy and Georgie were heading for teenage years, when boys needed their dad and he wasn’t there. Meggy and Sophie were pretty girls and it wouldn’t be long before the boys were swarming round them and he couldn’t do anything to protect them.

“So what is your plan?” he asked them.

“Oh I didn’t say I had one of them I just came to punch you on the nose for what you put Ella through.” Jacko said slowly.

Roman looked at him before he groaned and saw his old friends grinning at him.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 14

“Don’t tell her.” Roman murmured looking out at the sea. They had been talking for most of the night and now the sun was up. He glanced over at the distant horizon seeing the play of colours in the sky and smiled thinking of how Ella would have got her camera out and taken a couple of shots before even getting her first cup of coffee. He sighed thinking of his wife and imagined what she would say if she knew he were still alive. He turned around and looked at Pete and James and finally Jacko.

“How do you expect me not to tell her?” Pete asked. “She asked me specifically to look into the missing sim card.” He stopped and looked at Jacko and saw the other man nod before he continued. “Your Sammy is in trouble.”

“Samson? What’s wrong with him?” Roman asked quickly.

Pete rubbed his face and looked at Roman.

“He’s had a year of counselling because you died.” Jacko told him.

“So me coming back now will just mess him up more. Let alone put them in danger. No gentlemen I’m not going back.” Roman decided.

Jacko glared at him before he stood and walked inside.

“What is his problem?” Roman asked his tone soft.

“He stood next to you when you were shot remember?” Pete said after a minute. “He made the choice between taking care of Ella or you and he chose Ella.”

Roman groaned feeling the weight of his decision to enter witness protection suffocating him all over again.

“I’m sorry.” He said to them. “I’m sorry you are dragged into this again.”

“We were with you.” James murmured. “Wasn’t like it’s Mark or Gardy this time Roman. If you are a target then we are.”

“You didn’t testify against him.” Roman pointed out.

“No but he knows who we are.” Pete added.

Roman sighed and looked at them before he tugged off his t shirt and dropped it to the deck before running down the beach and wading into the water. He moved into it until it was to his knees before he dove and began swimming.

“Jacko.” Pete said looking at the other man.

“Did you see them?” Jacko asked.

“The scars from the slugs that hit him?” Pete asked nodding. “Looks like we’re lucky he’s still here.”

Jacko sighed.

“I can’t do this. It’s like he’s turned yellow.” He muttered. “When does Hardcore back down from a fight?”

James looked at them.

“Only one person who’d change his mind.”

“Ella.” Jacko murmured. “Not the only thing she’d change.”

Pete and James looked at him.

“She’d make him get rid of that stupid beard.” Jacko finished. “Why? What did you think I was going to say?”

“Never mind old friend.” Pete said standing up and placing his hand on Jacko’s shoulder.

“You thought it was going to be some sex thing didn’t you?” Jacko muttered.

“Well you did stay in the room that was next to their bedroom.”

Jacko looked up and swore under his breath.

“Yeah but I was prepared.” He murmured smiling at their frowns. “I used earplugs.”

Pete groaned and shook his head.

“You…” he muttered before he laughed.

They looked over as Roman ran up the beach and over to them.

“I can’t turn up in their lives again.” He told them. “Not until I’m sure they won’t be harmed.”

Jacko looked at him and nodded before he looked at Pete.

“We should go.” He said.

“Jacko.” Roman protested.

“No mate. You ain’t Roman Harris you’s this person I don’t know.” Jacko said looking Roman up and down. “And I don’t want to know you.”

He turned and walked away over to the car not even bothering to look back to see if the others were coming.

“I’m sorry.” Roman said to them. “I really am but I can’t turn up in her life now and I can’t …” he stopped and looked at them hoping for some sign off understanding.

“We should go.” Pete said looking at James.

James frowned for a moment before he nodded.

“What will you tell her?” Roman asked.

Pete looked at him for a long moment before he spoke.

“That is none of your business anymore.” He said turning his back on his friend and walked over to the car. James shot a look at Roman before he followed the way of the other men. Jacko started up the car and moved off slowly.

“How long do we give him to change his mind?” James asked looking at Pete and Jacko in the front of the car.

“He’s not going to change his mind.” Jacko said sounding upset.

“No way I’m going to tell Ella.”

“She’ll know you are keeping something from her.” James pointed out.

“Did I forget to mention I was planning on moving in with Roman and entering Witness Protection?” Pete asked with a half smile on his face.

“Then she really will know something is going on and track you down.” Jacko said a hint of smile on his face.

“Would she?” Pete asked thoughtfully.

Jacko looked at him before looking back at road.

“Did we get his number?” Jacko asked slowly.

“I might have done.” James admitted a smile on his face.

“Bet it looked a lot like the last number that was dialled on his old phone.” Jacko said. “We owe it to Ella to give her the transcript of his calls.”

“Now that would be fair.” Pete said.

“Gentlemen that is so sneaky that Ella would be proud of you.” James aid with a laugh.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 15

“Thanks for this Dad.” Ella said into the camera.

“No worries. It’s nice to use my rank for something important occasionally.” George said from the other side of the world. He leant forward and looked into the camera before removing a bit of fluff from it. “How are you doing?”

“Dad I’m doing good.” Ella said softly. “Kids are ok. Sammy is better adjusted.”

“Sounds as though you are on the right track.” George said gruffly.

“Irene misses you.” Ella told him.

“I miss her too.” He admitted. “I’ll have to come home soon and see you all.”

“The diner is reopened.” Ella said quietly.

“Must have been rough.”

“A little Daddy. But we were glad we did it.”

He sighed.

“I hate being so far away from you.” He admitted. “It’s time I thought about that retirement.”

Ella smiled at him.

“They’ll just pull you back in.”

“Ella.” George murmured sounding serious despite the four second delay in transmission.

“Don’t stress Dad. “ Ella said softly sensing something was wrong.

“I’ll speak to you soon. Here he is.” George murmured.

Ella heard a muttered conversation before Mike sat in front of the computer screen. He glared at her for a moment before smiling.

“Hello son.” Ella drawled. “Glad I only had to invoke a colonels wrath to get hold of you.”

Mike chuckled.

“Hello Ma.” He said before peering at her. “You look ok.”

Ella laughed.

“Thanks.” She said. “Sure the settings are right on that pc?”

Mike nodded and she could tell from the expression on his face that he wanted to check them now she had mentioned it.

“Everyone alright?” Mike asked.

Ella nodded.

“We are fine. Had a BBQ the other weekend. Gabby has moved home. Oh and we reopened the diner.”

“Who went to the BBQ?” Mike asked before he could stop himself.

“Toby and Gabby.” Ella said. “Got something to show you.”

Mike nodded looking faintly disappointed. She grinned to herself thinking of the picture Lily had drawn. She held it up and showed him.

“Er…” Mike murmured.

“Lily drew it. She wanted you to know that she missed you.” Ella said.

“I miss her too. Er… she’s not very good.”

Ella laughed.

“She is.” She told him. “Look here is me and Sophie and there is Gabby.”

“So who is the one holding the baby?” Mike asked slowly before he paled. “That’s not exactly being held is it?”

Ella shook her head before placing the picture to one side.

“No she knows that babies are in Mummy’s tummies.” Ella said softly.

“So who is the mystery person.” Mike groaned.

“It’s a picture of the family.” Ella explained picking it up again. “Meggy Sammy Georgie Toby. That she drew herself with the babies and Liam, and you’ll note she drew Daniella with August and Fleur. This is you in your army stuff and here standing next to you is…”

“Danni.” Mike said looking at it. “Is she pregnant Mum?”

Ella nodded.

“You know I can’t answer that question.” She said to him. “When are you coming home?”

Mike swore under his breath.

“Mum.”

“Make it soon ok. It’s time.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Mike asked rubbing his face before glaring at Ella.

“When I was pregnant with Sophie and Georgie I didn’t tell Roman because I didn’t’ want him to worry about me.” Ella said softly.

“She….” Mike began.

“I can’t answer questions Mike. It’s not my place. I can’t get between you. I love you both.”

“Now is not the time for fence sitting Mother.” Mike muttered his voice raising.

Ella chuckled.

“I’m not getting in between you. I’m just showing you Lily’s drawing because she misses you and wants you home.” Ella explained.

She heard him mutter bloody woman and smiled before the picture began to fade.

“Mike.” She called out quickly.

“Mum.” He said back.

“Be safe please. Come home to us. Love you.” Ella said urgently.

“Me too Ma.” Mike said before the picture faded and the connection was lost. Ella looked at the picture that Lilly had spent two days doing before she moved over to the far side of her study and opened up one of the long drawers of her wall units. She took out a frame and placed the drawing into it before putting it on one of the shelves. Moving back to her desk she sat back down and began checking the accounts for the shack. As expected there was a profit drop because of the diner’s reopening but it was still a good enough margin to keep it going. Her brow furrowed into a frown when she opened up her emails.

Pete had been incommunicado for the past couple of weeks, seeming to conveniently miss her calls but now he’d sent her an email. She looked at the time he sent it, frowning some more before she opened it. There was no message, no greeting just an attachment. She was about to click on it when the study door opened.

“Hey, sorry but Lily wants to know if you’ve shown Mike yet.” Sophie muttered.

Ella grinned and stood up collecting the picture from where she’d placed it. She followed Sophie out of the room and went over to Lily. Her baby girl had obviously been crying and Ella sighed wondering if it had been a tantrum or something else.

“Hey you.” Ella said softly. “Look I put it in a frame.”

“Is Mike coming home?” Lily gasped.

“I know he’s thinking about it.” Ella soothed her.

Lily shook her head and big tears rolled down her face once again.

“Come on madam.” Ella said gathering her close.

“Want Mikey.” Lily cried out beginning to sob.

“How about we get Toby to come for another visit?” Sophie said trying to distract her sister.

Lily stubbornly shook her head before burying her face in Ella’s neck and snuffling.

“I talked to Mike and showed him your drawing and he asked how you got to be so talented. He recognised everybody in your drawing.” Ella told her.

Sophie looked over at it and smiled.

“We should get you new colours tomorrow.” She told her sister. “So you can make more.”

Lily shook her head.

Ella grinned at Sophie.

“No I was never like this.” Sophie said quickly.

Ella nodded.

“Mother!” Sophie cried out her face flushing.

“Why don’t’ you go fetch the craft box from the study and we make cards or something?” Ella suggested in a soft voice.

“That would be cool.” Meggy murmured standing and going with Sophie to the study.

“Now then Lily squeals lets sit quiet on the sofa for a moment.”

“Me too.” Liam cried out.

“Liam too.” Ella told him taking hold of his hand and walking him over to the long sofa. She eased down and put Lily to one side before helping up Liam and snuggling with her two babies.

“I hates Lily sad.” Liam told her.

“Me too Liam. What are we going to do to cheer her up?” Ella asked him in a loud whisper.

“Ickles.” Liam said.

“No!” Lily cried out.

“Ah bless Lily are you too sad for ickles?”

Lily nodded.

“Guess we need to tell a Cookie story.” Ella said quietly.

Lily sighed and moved climbing into Ella’s lap.

“Once there was a manky cat.” Liam began. “Who frowned at Daddy and ate his ham.”

“Then she had babies.” Ella said softly. “Who are her babies?”

“Popcorn and Biscuits.” Lily whispered.

“Fudge and Toffee.” Liam said quickly.

“Than she ‘dopted.” Lily murmured beginning to sound sleepy.

“That’s right she adopted Fuffly and Monster.” Ella said referring to the two long haired cats Roman had bought her for a Christmas Present. “And she looked after everybody.”

Ella glanced down at Lily and saw that she had drifted off to sleep and sighed softly.

“Can I go find Monster?” Liam asked.

Ella nodded smiling as Liam moved off the sofa in search of his favourite cat. She tugged the throw down and wrapped Lily in it sitting quiet and holding her daughter.

“She asleep?” Sophie asked quietly as she and Meggy came back into the room.

Ella nodded.

“Let’s do this later?” Sophie asked Meggy. “When she’s awake?”

“Ok.” Meggy nodded. “Shall we go upstairs so we don’t make too much noise?”

Sophie grinned.

“Lets kick the boys off their game.” She said turning and moving out with Meggy.

Ella watched them go before she eased down on the sofa. She’d just close her eyes for a couple of minutes she thought as she drifted asleep. She stirred only briefly when Liam came back and climbed up next to her burrowing under the cover so he could nap too.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 16

Ella eased up off the sofa and looked around for the babies.

“Sophie took them swimming.” Irene commented. “And your Danni has come for a visit.”

“Is everything ok?” Ella murmured rubbing at her eyes before she stood up and moved through to the kitchen.

“Something about getting a phone call.” Irene said.

Ella peered round the archway and looked at Irene.

“Oh?” she asked.

“Not that you’d have anything to do with that.” Irene said with a smile. “Or the bunch of flowers that I got.”

Ella grinned and walked over to the other woman kissing her cheek.

“He did say he was missing you.” She murmured.

She caught sight of the flowers then and whistled slowly under her breath.

“Yup.” Irene said. “Has he lost his senses.”

“It’s a big display.” Ella murmured going over to them and inhaling the fragrance from the bevy of blooms. “Roses, lily of the valley, petunia, freesias.”

“I know. All the flowers we had at our wedding.”

Ella smiled.

“He’s a softie.”

“I love him Ella.” Irene said her voice breaking just a little.

“I know that my lovely step-mum.” Ella moved to her side and put her arm around her.

“I’m just being silly Darl, take no notice.”

Ella kissed the top of her head before hugging her.

“You’re thinking that he’s just overseas when my Roman’s gone so you don’t have a right to moan.” Ella guessed. “But he’s your husband and you love each other, I think that gives you the right to let off steam occasionally.”

“Get away with you.” Irene said after a moment. “You’ll have me sobbing.”

Ella looked at her before pressing another kiss to her cheek and then standing up. She stretched and collected her cup moving out the back and walking down to the patio area around the swimming pool.

“Mama.” Lily called.

“Hey.”

“Look who cames.” Lily said swimming over to the side of the pool and pointing at Danni.

“So I see. I also see that my Lily is happier.”

Lily nodded.

“She told me Mikey called.”

Ella smiled at her before looking at Danni for a second.

“He did.” Danni said softly. “Told me that you wouldn’t tell him anything about me because it was for us to sort out.”

Ella chuckled.

“I did say that.”

“He also asked if we could talk when he comes home. He was planning on extending his tour but he wants to come home now.”

Ella sank into a chair.

“And how are you?” she asked her daughter.

“We’re fine.” Danni grinned. “I’ve got a couple days of work so I thought I’d come keep Gabby company.”

Ella nodded.

“Always welcome you should know that.”

“I do mama.” Danni said softly giving Ella a smile.

“It’s getting late. Have you been fed?” Ella asked Lily.

Lily shook her head.

“Me’s hungry.” Liam shouted out.

Ella chuckled.

“How about we splurge and have a Chinese?” she asked.

“sing roll.” Liam called out loudly.

Danni burst out laughing before looking over at Ella.

“Are you ok?” she asked quickly seeing a lost expression on her face.

Ella nodded.

“Yeah, just gets to me sometimes what he’s missing out on.” She told her daughter quietly. “How about you come out of the pool and go get ready for bed and we’ll bring down covers and pillows and have a slumber party in the lounge while we eat our Chinese.” She suggested.

“Cool.” Meggy cried out.

“We’ll see to the babies.” Sophie said quickly.

“Thank you Sophie. How about Georgie sorts out what everyone wants?”

Georgie nodded climbing out of the pool and grabbing a towel.

“We’re pretty sorted why don’t you go have a minute.” Gabby suggested.

Ella looked round her wonderful kids and smiled at them.

“I will thank you.” She told them easing up and walking back into the house. She placed her empty cup in the sink before heading into the study, sighing when she saw her computer still powered on. Heading over to it she remembered the email from Pete and moved the mouse to bring the computer back to life. Double clicking the cursor over the attachment it slowly opened. She saw a list of calls and text messages from Roman’s phone and frowned before a feeling of sadness almost overwhelmed her. Most of the text messages where between them, with a few for Sophie. She recognised Rachel’s number seeing that he’d phoned her constantly the night they’d had to leave Fleur in the hospital and come home to the other children. He must have been reassuring himself that their baby daughter was ok while she had been a basket case. She sighed as she read down the list before spotting the final number. It wasn’t one that she recognised and it was dialled the day after Roman had died. Someone must have used his phone and taken the sim so that it wasn’t noticed. She frowned wondering who could be so selfish and on the spur of the moment she picked up the house phone and dialled the number.

Roman heard his phone ringing and swore before he eased up off the floor where he was doing sit ups. He was making an effort to get fit again cursing the way he’d let himself go over the past year before he raced over to where he left the phone. He checked caller id and saw that the number was withheld before he opened up the phone and answered the call.

“Hello.” He murmured cautiously.

He heard a small gasp and frowned.

“Hello can I help you?” he said again.

Ella gasped as she heard the call answered and recognised the voice. She frowned thinking she was mistaken before she heard him speak again.

“You’re dead.” She said in a hoarse whisper before she hung up.

She recoiled from the phone and starred at it before tears fell down her face and she began to sob.

Roman flinched when he heard the voice whisper the other end of the line and then the call disconnected. Looking at the phone he tried to think who had made that call before he realised that he’d recognised the callers identify and he dialled his heart thumping in his chest.

“El.” He said quietly when the call was answered.

He heard sobbing and his heart broke into a million fragments, as he heard his wife crying and he couldn’t go to her. Knowing that she must have been like that hundreds of times in the past year.

“Listen.” He begged. “Don’t hang up. I’m sorry, you’ll never know how sorry I am. There is stuff I’ve done that, well it’s not important but someone is out that who wouldn’t stop at killing any one of you to get to me. That’s why I did it.” he muttered his words almost tripping over each other in his haste to get them out, to explain. “I had to protect you. I know you won’t get that, I know you won’t. You’ll hate me for the hell that I’ve put you through but I love you so much Ella, I love our children and you all mean more to me than my life.”

He took a breath and listened He heard more sobbing before the phone was hung up and he swore

Pacing his small shack he looked at his phone seeing it mocking him and knew that despite needing to make sure she was ok, he didn’t have the strength to dial that number again and hear her heart breaking because he should have protected her from everything. He jumped when his phone rang again and had to still his shaking had for a moment before he could answer it.

“El.” He whispered.

“You’re dead. I never want to see you or hear from you again. You don’t deserve this beautiful wonderful family. I’m taking them away from you to somewhere you can’t spring up and disrupt their lives. You put us through hell and now I want you in hell, I want you to rot there knowing that I’ve got a new man in my bed and the kids will be calling someone else Dad. Don’t call here again and never call me Ella again. That name is reserved for someone who loves me.”

Ella slammed down the phone her hand shaking before she picked it up again and dialled Pete’s number. He answered on the first ring as though expecting her call.

“Hey Ella.” He said softly.

“You despicable bastard.” She spat out. “Don’t ever come near me or my kids again. The same goes for the others.”

“Ella.” Pete said quickly.

“No. Letting me find out like that. How could you? Well you can go rot in the same hell I’ve just cursed Roman with.” She snapped before slamming down the phone.

Pete looked at his phone before he dialled Jacko’s number.

“Yeah.” Jacko drawled.

“Our girl just found out.” Pete murmured.

“God that was quick.” Jacko said slowly. He sat up straight and looked over at his tv switching it off before he spoke again. “How come you are still alive?”

“Oh I’m not. She was very succinct about where I should go and how I should get there. It might be an idea to go see our boy.” Pete murmured. “And er, she wanted me to say hi to you and James too.”

Jacko laughed.

I’ll go and see if he’s ok.” Jacko murmured standing up and reaching for his jacket. After they’d decided on the way they were going to let Ella know about Roman, Jacko had told them he was going to book a room in a hotel closer to Roman. The three of them had looked at one another and nodded with understanding.

“I think that would be a very good idea.” Pete said quietly.

“No worries. Speak soon.” Jacko said hanging up the call and going out to his car.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 17

Jacko looked over at Roman. He’d finally managed to get the other man in bed after a three day bender during which Roman had drunk the contents of several bottles of whisky, tequilla and even a bottle of 70 proof vodka. There had been a lot of cursing and swearing before lack of sleep had finally made the other man collapse.

He looked at him now and signed before heading outside and making a call not surprised that the phone was answered on the first ring.

“Jacko.” Pete said softly, his voice drowsy.

Jacko glanced at his watch and saw that it was nearly three am and groaned.

“He’s not doing so good.” Jacko admitted.

“Ok I’m awake.” Pete said and Jacko could imagine the other man sitting up in bed and rubbing at his face the way he always did when he was awoken.

“It’s like.” Jacko stopped and looked back through the door at the sleeping man. “It’s like when he lost her in that car wreck but worse.”

“How worse?” Pete muttered.

“He kept going for the kids that time remember.” Jacko whispered.

“And he doesn’t have that anymore?” Pete said slowly.

“I’m never seen someone lose hope.” Jacko said finally. “One of us needs to speak to Ella.”

“Thanks for that.”

“Well it’s not easy being this end you know. I’m actually considering attending an AA meeting.”

Pete chuckled.

“I’ll do my best.” He muttered hanging up the call. He glanced at his watch and took a deep breath before he dialled.

“You got any freaking idea what time it is and I thought I told you to drop dead.” Ella snapped out as she answered the call.

“He’s in trouble El, I don’t know what you said to him but …”

Ella pushed her hair out of her eyes and sat up.

“I told him to rot in hell and I hope he does that.” She muttered and cut the connection.

Pete looked at his phone and sighed before he texted a message to her.

He waited until he saw the delivery message come through before he dialled Jacko again.

“Yeah.” Jacko answered.

“Well she’s going to think about it.” Pete told him.

“She wished him dead didn’t she?”

“Oh yes.” Pete murmured. “What are we going to do mate?”

“Well I’ve got to get some sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” Jacko disconnected the call before he moved over to the sofa and collapsed on it. He was asleep in seconds exhausted by the struggle with Hardcore. He giggled at how that sentence sounded even as he rolled over and started to snore.

Jacko woke with a gasp. The door was wide open and it was pouring down with rain. He looked over at the bedroom door and into the other room. Groaning he clambered off the sofa and ran over to the bedroom seeing the bed empty. He ran outside seeing fading footprints on the wet sand and followed them. He saw an empty bottle being tossed about by the incoming tide and he cursed under his breath.

“Roman.” He shouted out cursing that the driving rain and the wind took his desperate call. He ran along the shore thinking that he was never going to find his friend when he saw a crumpled form in the distance. He ran towards it swearing when he saw that it was Roman. The stillness frightened him and he looked around the beach in desperation hoping to see someone but he knew they were alone. He reached for Roman expecting the worst and sighed with relief when he heard the other man groan.

“You scared the crap outta me.” Jacko said feeling his eyes well up. He reached down and dragged the other man into a sitting position before trying to lift him over his shoulder. His hold slipped a couple of times before he grabbed the other man and got him over his shoulder. He carried him to the shack and inside staggering over to the bathroom. He dropped Roman into the shower and switched it on full blast turning the heat up.

“Come on mate.” He gasped out seeing the other man shaking with cold, his lips had turned blue.

“Ella.” Roman said slowly his voice hoarse.

Jacko groaned.

“Sorry Mate.” He said to his best friend. “Although you must be delirious if you think I’m her.”

Ella moved into the bedroom and looked at him in the bed.

“How long has he been like this?” she asked seeing her husband looking half dead against the white covers.

“Thought you didn’t care.” Jacko said folding his arms and looking at her. He caught her expression and sighed. “Three days. Wouldn’t let us call you or take him to the doctor.”

Ella nodded before she moved over to the bathroom she took a flannel and rinsed it out under the cold tap before taking it through and wiping Roman’s face. She frowned at how hot it felt under her hand before she looked into his face.

“You can go.” She told Jacko.

He looked at her about to say something when he changed his mind and nodded instead. He walked out of the shack and over to his car his eyes scanning the horizon. He frowned when he saw the motorbike parked up and then grinned realising it was Ella’s way of not being recognised as she came to him. He smiled some more as he pulled away slowly and went back to his hotel.

“Dreaming.” Roman muttered through cracked lips.

“No.” Ella said looking down at him. “See.” She added pinching him on his arm.

“Ouh.” Roman muttered and slapped ineffectively at her hand.

“Wuss.” She said a reluctant smile on her face.

“Hold me hand.” He begged. “Want to …”

“Forget it.” Ella said. “I only came to make sure you are really dying.”

Roman groaned and tried to sit up on the bed before he fell back once more on the pillows.

“Gonna spank you.” He gasped out before he fell asleep.

“You and whose army mister. And that beard looks ridiculous.”

She moved out of the bedroom and looked in disgust at the state of the place and moved over to the kitchen grabbing cleaning stuff and making herself busy. She found his car keys and tucked them in her pocket while she took out the rubbish and cleaned all the tops. She checked the cupboards next and sighed at the meagre contents. She hooked his keys out and checked on him before heading out to his car. Hopefully she would get there before the shops closed.

Ella grimaced at the state of his car as she forced it to start and then chug up the hill before heading to the nearest town. She stopped outside the food store and walked inside grabbing a trolley and filling it with staples before heading to the fresh vegetables and fruit stocking up on them before taking a quick walk around the aisles. She spotted a throw with matching pillows and added them to the trolley before going to the tills, noticing that his sofa didn’t have any.

“Not seen you here before?” the woman murmured pushing through her food and ringing them up.

“Just visiting.” Ella said slowly glancing around.

“Well we have some nice coastline.”

“Yeah,” Ella murmured bagging up her stuff.

“That will be $172.58.” The woman said her tone not quite so friendly.

Ella pulled out her wallet and took out cash handing it over.

“Most people use cards.” Ella was told as her change was handed over. She could feel the woman eyeing her suspiciously.

Ella nodded.

“I just had my handbag stolen the week before I was due to come here. Lost all my cards and keys and everything.” She replied. “That’s why I’m sticking to this wallet and keeping it close.”

“Oh that is awful.”

“I know.” Ella said softly. “Expect I’ll see you around.” she added cheerily before taking the shopping over to his car. She pilled up the back seat before wheeling the trolley back. Raising her hand in a friendly wave she moved back to the car and started it cursing under her breath as it stuttered before she drove off. She headed back to the shack taking the shopping inside and putting it away. Grinning as she put the throw on the back of the sofa and added the matching cushions.

“El.” Roman called.

Ella stood from the sofa and walked over to his room. She stood in the doorway looking at him.

“Weren’t a dream.” He said sounding more awake.

“No.”

He eased up in the bed sighing when she didn’t come over and help him.

“Still mad at me huh?” he said with a grin.

“How could you Roman?” Ella asked in a quiet voice. “A year we grieved for you and here you are alive and well.”

“I had to Ella.” He began.

She looked at him before moving over to her bag and taking out a book. She walked back to the bed and dumped it in front of him. His eyes flew to hers as he recognised his diary.

“You know?” he whispered.

“That you were sent in to kill him and instead you decided to kidnap him so he could be tried for his crimes.” Ella summarised. “Bet you wish you could have that day over.”

Roman flinched and looked at her.

“He murdered hundreds of his own people. He deserved to be tried for his crimes.” Roman told her. “We’re not talking soldiers that knew what they were doing but women and children. We saw…”

“Mass graves. Yeah I know.” Ella looked at him. “I can’t forgive you Roman. And seriously that beard looks stupid.”

He looked at her before he gave her a half smile.

“How…” he began to ask.

“The kids are fine.” She told him. “I don’t have pictures with me for obvious reasons.”

Roman sighed and looked at her his eyes eating up the sight of her.

“You should eat something you look like crap.”

Roman looked at her before he tried to ease out of bed. She moved to his side then and helped him up out of the bedroom and over to the bathroom.

“Want me to run you a bath?” Ella asked.

“Was that subtle way of tell me I should wash?” he murmured sinking down on to the side of the bath.

Ella looked at him and nodded.

He grinned at her and unable to resist he leaned forward and kissed her flinching when she pulled back.

“Sorry.” He said immediately.

Ella busied herself with the bath filling it with hot water before she helped him out of his clothes and let him sink into the hot water. She dipped the washcloth into the water and squeezed it out rubbing the soap across it she lathered it up before washing his back.

“That feels good thank you.” Roman said softly as she rinsed it down.

He lifted up his hand and she put the flannel and soap into it.

“Where do you keep the bedding?” she asked.

Roman pointed to the cupboard nearby and she went over to it and took out clean sheets and covers. He watched her walk away and sighed before scrubbing at his skin feeling better with each second that passed. He eased out of the bath and swung his legs over the side.

“Need any help?” Ella called.

Roman looked up at the ceiling before smiling.

“I’m ok.” he said quickly.

“Really?” she asked in the doorway. “Not like I haven’t seen everything before.”

He grinned and pointed to the towels.

Ella chuckled and moved to the rack taking one of the towels and walking back over to him. She wrapped it around his waist as he stood up and helped him back over to the bed.

“Clothes?” she asked.

“Boxers and a T.” he muttered short of breath.

She nodded and moved around the room gathering his clothes and helping him into them before getting him back in the bed. He sighed blissfully at the feel of the clean sheets against his skin and sank back into them.

Ella chuckled and gathered his wet towel, mixing that with the rest of his laundry and taking it to over to the utility room. Roman watched her move around the small shack before his eyes drifted shut and he slipped asleep. He woke up when she came back in with a tray of food.

“You need to get something inside you.” She told him.

He nodded looking down at the tray and seeing a mug of soup and toast.

“Thank you.” He told her.

Ella nodded and helped him to sit up before she placed the tray on his lap and watched him eat.

“You’ve got something?” he asked.

Ella nodded once more and gave him a small smile.

“I’m going to be on the sofa.”

“El.” He whispered.

“I have to stay don’t I?” she asked him. “Otherwise.”

“Otherwise I’ll go for a swim in the middle of a typhoon stinking drunk and have to get Jacko to rescue me?”

“Something like that.” Ella said softly.

“There is plenty of room in the bed.” He said seriously. “Or let me take the sofa.”

She shook her head.

“Finished?” she asked.

He nodded his eyes closing tiredly.

“Still be here when I wake up?” he asked as he drifted to sleep.

Ella nodded before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind her. She put the tray to one side before lying on the sofa and pulling up the blanket over herself. She shivered suddenly and added the throw on top.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 18

Ella woke up and groaned at her cold feet. She looked over at his bedroom door and groaned again before getting up and padding over to it. Opening the door she moved inside and looked at him in the bed. He was fast asleep and wouldn’t know if she got into the bed would he? She asked herself.

She moved over to the bed and tried not to notice that he was asleep in her side of the bed as she eased out of her jeans leaving just a vest top and her panties. She lifted the covers and eased underneath them sighing when she started to feel warm.

“Your feet are cold.” He muttered still half asleep.

“Warm them up then.” She shot back.

Roman grinned and rolled over pulling her into his arms and snuggling with her. He bit back the sigh that wanted to escape and just enjoyed being with her. The smell of her shampoo brought tears to his eyes as he finally admitted to himself how much he missed that. Then there was the strawberry scent of her body moisturiser on her silken skin. He sighed contentedly as he fell back asleep.

Ella shook her head feeling strangely uncomfortable in his arms. She moved around before she realised that she was in the wrong position and the mattress was awful. It dipped in strange places.

Roman came fully awake when she wriggled against him. He sighed, his breath ruffling her hair and she turned on to her back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“How do you sleep in this thing?” she muttered.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I’m not normally…..”

“Alone?” she shot out.

Roman frowned as he felt the sting of her accusation.

“Sober.” He finished his sentence. “And for point of reference just because I’m “dead” doesn’t mean that I’m not married.”

Ella rolled over and looked and looked at him.

“So you are planning on spending the rest of your life celibate?” she mocked.

He looked at her with the realisation that this was for the rest of his life. He couldn’t let Ella risk coming to him again and there was no way he was interested in other women.

“El.” He whispered.

He leaned forward and kissed her groaning when she pushed him away.

“You don’t want me anymore.” He said after a long silence.

“I don’t want you kissing me with that thing on your face.” Ella said quietly.

His eyes shot to hers and he gave a chuckle before rolling over and going into the bathroom. She heard him sing under his breath as he shaved and laughed. He returned a moment later and climbed back into bed.

“How’s that?” he asked her.

She inspected his face stroking his cheeks before she nodded and then moaned softly as he pressed his lips to hers and began kissing her.

“Better?” he asked easing back and looking into her eyes.

Ella nodded, knowing this was a really bad idea. She shouldn’t be in bed with him and she shouldn’t be about to make love to him. Most of all she shouldn’t be here. But she looked into his eyes and the year of loneliness and grief melted the anger for a brief time and she wound her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

Roman pressed himself against her as he kissed her. He felt her hands teasing the back of his neck before her arms wrapped fully around him and pulled her closer to him. Suddenly he felt the pleasure building, the smell of her, the feel of her, the taste of her lips made his body react and he gasped pulling his lips away from her as he gave an inarticulate cry before collapsing into her arms.

“Roman.” Ella said softly.

“Sorry.” He muttered his face flaming.

She smiled a cat like smile looking smug.

“First time you’ve done that.” She commented.

His eyes bored into hers and he finally smiled ruefully.

“Yes you made me come in my pants.” He admitted.

“You really haven’t been seeing anyone.”

He shook his head.

“No I haven’t.” he promised her.

“And er, “ she whispered suddenly embarrassed.

“I didn’t do that either.” He said knowing what she was asking. “I mean I tried relieving my tension that way but it made me too lonely.”

“So.” Ella whispered.

“I’m yours.” He said softly. He wanted to tell her he was hers in all ways, not just his body but his heart and soul, but the words would have bound them together once more and in the morning now he was feeling better he should let her go. Not only let her go he should move so she couldn’t find him again. It was only fair that he let her have a life and move on.

Ella moved close to him again before she kissed his lips. It was a gentle kiss that reminded him suddenly of some of their first kisses and he smiled against her lips before kissing her back. He moulded her against him before tugging off his t shirt and throwing it to the floor. Looking down he glided his hand up her flat stomach before reaching for the hem of her vest drawing it over her head. He smiled at the bra with the butterfly pattern on it before he released the catch at the back and slid the straps down her shoulders.

He looked into her eyes before kissing the column of her neck feeling her arch so he had more access. She was so beautiful, he thought as he peeled the bra from her body and tossed that to one side. His finger traced where the bullet had entered her body and he looked at her.

“Because of me.” He whispered feeling guilty.

She shook her head.

He lowered his lips to it and kissed the puckered scar feeling a tremor go through her before their eyes connected once more.

“Make love to me please husband.” She murmured softly.

Roman groaned at her words before he moulded her body to his once more and held her. He felt her hands began to touch him after a moment and he eased back looking into her eyes wanting to stop this, to get her to leave but she looked at him and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her again. He skimmed his hands over her body before his lips followed and he kissed her in all the places he remembered and all the places he knew drove her crazy feeling her writhe under him as he loved her. Finally he joined his body with hers and they began to move together as one.

It was like coming alive again.

“Morning.” Ella called out.

Roman looked over at her sitting on the front veranda and grinned. He ran his hand through his hair and moved over to her side kissing her briefly on the lips.

“I had the most interesting dream.” He told her.

She glanced at him.

“Was it about doing something about these rotten windows?” she asked. “Because sleeping on that sofa was horrible.”

“No.” he admitted suddenly distracted by the shack. He hadn’t thought about the winter but wil only a wood burning stove and barely any curtains he supposed it would get cold in the place.

“There is coffee in the pot.” Ella said and he frowned realising that she wasn’t going to talk about last night.

He nodded and moved into the kitchen pouring out a drink.

“I’m up and moving around.” he commented before coming back out to her.

Ella nodded.

“You don’t have to stay.” He pointed out.

“Know that too.” She said softly.

“It’s not fair on you.” He continued as though she hadn’t spoken.

“You need rugs on the floor and curtains up. The windows really need replacing but you can get away with removing the rotten wood and replacing it before painting them.”

Roman sat next to her and looked at her face.

“Ella. I’m trying to tell you to go home before I get down on my knees and beg you for any time you can spare and stay with me.” He said his voice hoarse.

“Three days.” She told him.

“No you can’t do this.” He murmured. “I can’t let you split yourself in two.”

“Time to get started on the windows.” She said standing up and draining her cup.

“Ella listen to me.” Roman said urgently moving over to her side and taking hold of her arms. He looked into her eyes searching for some clue as to how she was feeling or what she was thinking and then shook his head. She had to leave. He had to make her leave. This wasn’t fair.

“I’ve got three days. Do I spend them here with you or do I go somewhere else and spend them there?” she told him quietly.

“Three days.” He whispered.

“Time enough to work on the windows.” She commented.

Roman groaned and dragged her into his arms clutching at her like a drowning man at a life jacket and he frowned at the analogy before grinning at it. She had come and saved him hadn’t she?”

“Three days.” He repeated before kissing her.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 19

Roman eased out on to the veranda and looked across the beach. He saw Ella standing a little way off looking out to sea. Stepping down on to the sand he kicked off his shoes and began walking towards her struck by a feeling of déjà vu. She looked up and saw him and he saw her smile.

“Morning sleepyhead.” She called out.

“Hey.” He mumbled finally reaching her side.

She leaned in close and kissed him feeling him put his arms around her. She wrapped her own around his neck pressing herself close to him.

“What shall we do today?” she asked him.

“Well we could paint the inside of the shack or we could go back to bed.”

Ella eased back and looked into his eyes. She smiled up at him before she spoke.

“Do we really need a bed?” she asked.

Roman chuckled, feeling her hands ease around him and push themselves up his t shirt.

“Well.” He began.

Ella giggled and leaned up whispering in his ear.

Roman blushed and looked around.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

She nodded.

Roman sighed.

“What is it?”

“I dreamt….” He began.

Ella flinched and pulled away from him turning and looking back at the sea.

“El please.” Roman murmured.

“You have no idea.” She said her voice hurt. “I used to dream of you.”

Roman groaned before moving over to her.

“No don’t touch me. You can’t make this better.” She whispered.

“I used to dream that you found me and we would make love here on this beach.” Roman said quietly. “Or you’d see me walking down the street and I’d look up and see a look of love on your face but it would be for someone else. I know you are angry Ella I’m not trying to take that away from you but I hurt too ok. Making that choice was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I knew you’d never forgive me for it even if there did come a time I could come back to you.”

Ella shook with the emotion that went through her.

“I felt like I was going mad because those dreams wouldn’t go away.” She whispered. “You’d be so alive in them.”

Roman reached for her and pulled her hand to him, placing it on his heart.

“I am alive.” He told her. “Feel.”

She looked into his eyes her fingers pressing on his firm chest.

“Tell me your dream.” She whispered.

“I kept walking along this beach and suddenly you’d be there. Like you were today and then …

“We’d turn to each other and kiss…. “ she murmured.

“And fall into the sea making love.” He finished his eyes boring into hers. “I was calling to you wasn’t I?”

Ella nodded.

“God I hate you Roman Harris.”

He gave her a wry smile.

“Frank.” He told her. “Frank Curzon.”

Ella giggled suddenly.

“Ella.” He protested.

She looked at him.

“Make love to me on this beach.” She begged huskily.

He looked at her before he nodded.

“I love you.” He told her. “I’ve been trying so hard not to say those words to you. Trapping you in this miserable mess I’ve made but I love you so much Ella Harris. I’ve missed you so much, it’s felt as though part of my soul has been missing.”

Ella blinked back tears as she reached up and kissed him. She pulled at his T shirt and he helped her lifting it up and throwing it to one side as they sank down on the soft golden sand together. She kissed his lips before trailing her lips down his neck and one to his chest. He sighed longingly when she pressed a kiss over the top of his heart before she lifted off her dress. He looked down at her black bikini and gasped.

“Were you planning anything when you packed?” he growled out.

Ella giggled and eased down on the sand pulling him to her.

He reached for the ties on her bikini pulling them undone before tugging off the scraps of material. He looked down at the naked body pressing her to him as he kissed and caressed her. He felt her hands on him pushing down his shorts before she wrapped her legs around him.

“Please.” She begged huskily.

He chuckled huskily before easing into her feeling her moving under him.

“I love you.” He told her. “Love you.” He promised.

Ella sighed and clung to him.

“Hey.” She called out coming out of the bathroom.

He turned and looked at her.

“Hey.” He said softly.

“You regret me coming here don’t you?” she asked taking out her comb from her bag and beginning to comb the tangles from her hair.

He nodded.

“I’m so torn between pushing you away and pulling you close, I don’t know how I’m going to let you go tomorrow.” He said honestly.

“Do you want me to come back again?”

He walked over to her and took the comb from her hands working it through her hair.

“You already know the answer to that. I can’t offer you anything and this is too dangerous for you to be here.”

Ella nodded wincing when he caught her hair.

“Sorry.” He said softly.

He finished combing her hair and she turned her head and looked at him.

“I won’t come back then.” She told him.

He nodded.

“That would be best.” He said.

“So this is our last night.”

He nodded once more.

“What do you want to do?”

Roman chuckled.

“I’ve just combed your hair what do you think I want to do?”

“Roman Harris.” She groaned.

She stood up and moved over to her backpack searching through it. She took out a small box and handed it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“Open it.” she told him.

He frowned and opened the small wooden box and gave a little gasp.

“It doesn’t have any of our numbers in.” she said to him going over and taking out the phone. She switched it on and opened it up showing him the keyboard section. She sat on the sofa next to him and placed it in his hands.

“It’s password protected. The password at the moment is Samson.”

He looked at it before typing in the password and seeing the internet screen come up. He clicked on it and watched as a homepage opened on the small screen in front of him.. Glancing at Ella he clicked on the small envelope icon and opened up his emails. The first one contained various links and he looked at then.

“Click on that one.” She told him.

He nodded and opened up a page.

“User name?” he asked.

“Solider.” Ella grinned.

He typed it in.

“And?”

“Samson.” She said slowly.

He typed that in the password section and looked at webpage that opened up seeing folders with all their kids names on.

“Pictures.” She told him. “I’ll keep them updated.”

“El.” He said looking at her.

“I’ll leave you for a minute I need some fresh air.” She said moving outside.

Roman looked up and watched her go before he looked at the pictures seeing pictures of Sophie and Georgie, Nic and her family, Aden and his family. Gabby and her family. Lily. His heart broke as he saw pictures of her and he began sobbing dropping the phone to the table in front of him as he sank to the floor.

“Roman.” Ella called.

“What have I done?” he cried out. “What have I done to you all?”

She ran over to him and held him as he cried feeling the sob go through him. She instantly flashed back to being in their bedroom and crying like this and knew that Roman was grieving, that the year of loneliness and missing them had descended on to his shoulders like a tonne of bricks. She eased up and guided him on to the sofa wiping his face with her hand before picking up the phone and holding him as he looked through the rest of them. She kept quiet letting him absorb the images.

“She’s beautiful.” He told her referring to August.

Ella nodded.

“Can you tell them apart?” she asked.

“No.” he admitted.

She gave him a smile before she kissed him.

“El.” He whispered.

“It’s ok.” she said.

“No it’s not. How can I fix this?”

“You can’t.” she said slowly. “Lets make the most of this night. We should eat.”

“Ok.” he said softly.

“So go cook me something then.”

He looked at her and smiled.

“There is something I’ve been meaning to do for ages.” He murmured before he grabbed her and dragged her over his lap. He lifting his hand and letting it descend down on to her backside hearing her squeal on indignation. He did it again a second and third time before she squirmed off his lap.

“You pig.” She screeched out pushing her hair out of her face and glaring at him.

He grinned at her.

“Oh you are going to pay for that one.” She told him.

Roman chuckled before he lifted her up and sat her in his lap and held her.

She gave a little sigh before she kissed him.

“There is an email address in there. If you need me …”

“Ella I can’t. I can’t drag you away from our kids.”

She smiled and lifted his chin up looking into his eyes.

“Contact me or else.” She told him before kissing him.

He looked at her and nodded before leaning his head on her shoulder.