Exposure of the Beast (by pembie) - comments

[JosieTash]

That was soooooooooooooooooo funny and ACE, especially …..

Duncan, “I take it you are talking about your secret love affair?”

Miles lets out a loud nervous laugh.

Miles, “What a secret affair with Rabbit not likely.”

Duncan, “Rabbit? Why are you talking about a rabbit now? I’m confused.”

Miles, “So your not here to take me away then?”

Duncan Foster, “No why would you think that?”

Miles, “Because of your long white coat, You know the saying the men in white coats will be coming for you soon, especially if you start talking to little girls called Rabbit again.”

 Duncan, “Well that’s good Its nothing to worry about I have come to give Heath his vaccine shots that’s all.”

Milles, “I see.”

Duncan, “Yes I don’t really make home visits but Mrs Patterson said it was quite difficult to make it down to the surgery.”

Miles, “Yes you could say that. In fact that is some understatement your making there.”

 Duncan, “Well you are always finishing the offer off by insulting me.”

Miles, I am? What’s insulting about offering you a biscuit? Ginger nut?”

Duncan, “There you go again insulting me.”

Miles, “Errr ok but I have got to say I don’t find anything I am saying insulting. All I’m saying is would you like a biscuit? Ginger nut?”

Duncan, “NO I WOULDN’T LIKE ONE OF YOUR BISCUITS.”

Miles, “Ok then jezz

Duncan, “I have never been so insulted about my hair colour before.”

Miles, “Oh I am sorry I never thought. You thought I was calling you a ginger nut because of your ginger hair, When all the time I was only offering you a ginger nut biscuit. Oh my dearly me we just can’t seem to get it right now can we?”

 Duncan, “What by himself where has he gone?”

Miles, “His girlfriends.”

Duncan, “Your dog has a girlfriend?”

VJ, “Yep I share him with her.”

Duncan shuffles back in his seat as he tries to understand what the hell was happening to him.

Duncan, “What is this?”

Duncan holds up a very skimpy pair of knickers.

Leah, “Oh sorry about that their my housemates, she was doing a modelling show in here earlier.”

Miles, “Yes what a delightful heavenly treat that was.”

Duncan, “I’m sorry I’m just a vet I didn’t ask for any of madness today when I woke up.”

Leah, “Miles go and make him some tea he looks beside himself.”

Miles, “Sure would you like a biscuit? Ginger…………….”.

Duncan, “NO.”

 Heath, “Yep I’m Heat…….. I mean Brax.”

Duncan, “But your not a dog.”

Heath, “You cheeky sob I would have you know I’m a werewolf.”

Duncan, “You’re a what?”

[Red Ranger 1]

Awww, poor Duncan Vet Bloke.Might as well have been wearing red.Love Brax being on autopilot about splitting up.

[Inactive User]

Great chapter More soon please xx

[pembie]

Deleted Sorry this was going to be a update but realised it wasn't quite ready through.

Edited February 29, 2012 by pembie

[JosieTash]

Sooooooooooooooooooooo funny !!!!! LOOOOVED it, especially …..

 The darkness of the night has taken its hold over Summer Bay. The gentle noise of chirping crickets can be heard through the peaceful air. Everyone should be sound asleep but for one man this is his favourite time, for this is the time where he can enjoy the guilty pleasures that his hungry stomach so desires. Because to him food tastes so much better when one should not be eating at this late hour. But as he lets his eyes wander over all the glorious mouth watering treats before him on offer his stomach rumbles. Oh there is so much choice here, left over chicken, spare ribs little pork balls, cheesecake or a chocolate cake oh dearly God he just can’t take any more. Licking his lips viscously he is all but ready to pounce to devour the tasty treats before him well that is until there is the sound of some annoying tapping at the door and a voice calling out which confuses the hungry man.

“Hello there.”

Miles, “Hello?”

Duncan Foster, “I didn’t know whether to come back or not. I really didn’t expect anyone up at this time what are you doing?”

Miles, “Oh just getting myself a light snack. Would you say six chicken drumsticks a slice of cheesecake and some……. Woooo left over pizza is enough?”

Duncan, “My word I would say so yes, that is more than a light snack through. Abit more like a feast.

Miles, “Oh no that is light trust me.”

Duncan, “Well you know your own stomach.”

Miles, “Oh yes that I do.”

 Leah, “Miles what are you doing in here? Are you talking to the food again? Shut that fridge door your letting the heat get to it.”

 Leah, “Yes phew how would you feel if he had eaten someone again?”

VJ, “Oh Mom please don’t I’m tired.”

Duncan, “Excuse me but where is your dog?”

VJ, “Over with his brothers.”

Leah, “Here we will drive you over there. Miles put that cheesecake down and go fetch Bam- Bam from upstairs.”

Leah and VJ then start to guide a very confused Duncan Foster outside.

 BANG.

John, “What is that?”

Gina, “Well what ever it is its better than your snoring.”

BANG.

 Heath, “TELL THE OLD BAG WE WILL STOP IT, SO SHE CAN GET HER BEAUTY SLEEP BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T HALF NEED IT”

 Miles, “Let’s spilt up and look for him.”

Leah, “Oh God no Miles.”

VJ, “Yeah people are never seen again when they do that in horror films.”

 Duncan, “You people are utter bonkers werewolves are mystic creatures.”

Brax, “Hey don’t call my brother mystic, ah Case good you’re here with the steaks.”

 Leah, “What so we are really splitting up?”

Brax, “No for heaven sake Charlie we are not.”

Leah, “Huh?”

Brax, “Oh sorry its just I have heard that question so often from Charlie that I was just on autopilot. But yes we are splitting up into small groups we will find Heath quicker that way everyone take a steak.”

 Casey, “Come on let’s go already, Ruby says she wanted to show me her hotel room on Skype in half hour.”

Miles, “At this hour?”

Casey, “She said she can’t sleep. Charlie keeps pacing the room.”

Miles, “Sounds like she’s abit lovesick to me.

 John, “Just a minute Heath’s gone walkies I cant miss this.”

Gina rolls over in bed having a little moan to herself.

Gina, “So much for an good nights sleep. Oh well I just have a little dose tomorrow in the governors meeting. I will make sure I sit right at the back.”

 John, “Hey Gina love this looks like it’s going to get good.”

Duncan, “His behind me isn’t he?”

John, “Well I shouldn’t move mate let’s just put it that way.”

 Brax, “Well I’m going to try and talk calmly to him he is my brother after all.”

Duncan, “Does he listen to you?”

Brax, “No not normally eh.”

Duncan, “Oh my that is very comforting thank you.”

 Leah points to a naked Heath sitting down in the long grass tearing chunks of meat off bone.

Brax, “Heath?”

Heath, “Yeah I know, Heath where are your clothes?”

 Heath, “Very nice abit too much ginger flavouring through I think.”

 Casey, “Oh fine if your werewolf of a brother eating his vet is fine.”

Ruby, “Wow that’s intense.”

Casey, “Yeah Rubes is that Charlie I can see in the background?”

Ruby, “Yes she’s like a priming puppy ever since she left Brax.”

Charlie, “Oh Rubes isn’t this just beautiful?”

Charlie shoves a golden framed photo of a grinning Brax in front of the laptop.

 Ruby, “Your see Braxy Wax…I mean Brax in a week.”

Charlie, “A WEEK, A WEEK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

[Red Ranger 1]

Oh man.Charlie getting cosy with Ruby is all kinds of wrong.Jake having a more evil glare than Hammer.Charlie seriously losing herself in the part.I laughed a lot at that chapter.

[Inactive User]

Great chapter. Really amusing to read More soon please xx

[mizziette]

Charlie creating an alter ego called Esther who's a modelling actress with dreams of starring in a soap? That scene in the hotel room was wrong in so many ways but utterly hilarious as usual. Can't wait for more.

[JosieTash]

That was soooooooooooooooooooooooo AWEOSME !!!!!! the coconuts/melons bit was INSPIRED !!!!!!

ADORED that, especially …..

 The next glorious morning as the tweeting birds sang their pretty little song, Ruby was busy gazing into the depths of the room service waiters eyes.

Waiter, “Excuse me Madam I said tea or coffee?”

Ruby, “Have you anything sweeter?”

Waiter, “Errrr well I have….”

Ruby, “The most dreamy eyes ever.”

The waiter coughs nervously.

Waiter, “Yes well, we have hot chocolate Madam.”

Ruby, “Oh yes what else is on offer?”

The waiter looks nervously over at Ruby who is fluttering her eyelashes.

Waiter, “Toast, sausages, bacon, eggs, hash browns, mushrooms fried tomato?”

Ruby, “Yummy, now tell me do I get you for desert?”

Waiter, “Madam this is breakfast if you feel not quite satisfied after you have finished, you may have fruit salad.”

Ruby, “Woo juicy shame you aren’t on the menu through.”

The waiter blushes.

Waiter, “Does the breakfast interest you Madam?”

Ruby, “Errr yeah I guess so as your serving it to me.”

 Charlie, “Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh my God my poor, poor head it feels like it’s going to explode, oh what is that smell?”

Ruby, “This is the smell of five star hotel bacon.”

Charlie, “Oh I think I’m going to be sick.”

Waiter, “I won’t tell the chef you said that about his cooking, would you like a sick bucket Madam?”

 Ruby, “Mom?”

Charlie, “What?”

Ruby, “I’m officially mentally scared for life.”

Charlie, “Why?”

Ruby, “You are nude, you slept in the nude.”

Charlie, “Oh yes I did sorry, in my drunken state last night I must of thought you were Brax.”

Waiter, “Oh my oh my.”

The waiter starts to busy himself trying his best to avert his eyes away from Charlie’s naked form.

Charlie, “I normally sleep in the nude with Brax we get rather fruity in the bedroom.”

Waiter, “Melons? Er lemons no I mean…….”

Charlie, “I beg your pardon?”

Waiter, “I mean would you like lemon juice Madam?”

Charlie, “Ew no thank you I just feel so rough.”

Waiter, “Very well Madam I…………”

Ruby, “Wooooooooo their some big coconuts you have there.”

The waiter’s eyes instantly fall to Charlie’s naked breasts.

Waiter, “Yes they are aren’t they?”

Ruby, “What does the milk taste like inside them?”

Waiter, “Delightful I would imagine.”

Ruby turns her head from the breakfast trolley where the two brown coconuts are sat.

Ruby, “Hey I think your dribbling my leg.”

Ruby looks up at the waiter who is just stood there in a trance before hers and Charlie’s bed.

Ruby, “Would you like a tip?”

Waiter, “Errrrr yeah sure.”

Ruby Stop preving over my hungover mother.”

Ruby throws a cold glass of water which soaks his face.

Waiter, “WHAT THE, WHAT, ERRRRRRRRRR VERY GOOD OH MY I………”

Ruby, “GO.”

Ruby points to the door and a very embarrassed blushing red faced waiter trips over himself as he stumbles out of the room.

Ruby, “What is it with men and their fascination with our coconuts?”

Charlie rolls over in bed once again not really aware that there had been a man moments ago who had been mesmerised by her breasts.

Charlie, “I’m sorry for last night Rubes.”

Ruby, “Oh yeah why?”

Charlie, “For spooning with you, and giving you a tiny love bite while you were asleep.”

Ruby, “YOU DID WHAT?”

Ruby dashes away to glance at her neck in the bathroom mirror.

Ruby, “Oh Charlie it’s massive.”

Charlie, “My Braxy Waxy would of liked it.”

Charlie starts to cry into her pillows as Ruby looks at the bright red love bite meant for Brax.

 Hammer, “Yes we take the pretty copper and her daughter hostage while you pay Brax a visit and kill him.”

Jake, “Yes I want to strip Brax of all he is worth before I kill him. How dare he think he can steal from our crop of drugs and get away with it.”

 Jake, “Have you practised your intense glaring to put the fear of God into people?”

Hammer, “Oh yes.”

Jake, “Show me.”

Hammer gives Jake his most threatening looking glare. Jake just laughs.

Jake, “No add abit more fear into your look. At the moment you just look like your suffering from a bad case of constipation.”

Hammer, “Oh shut up lets see yours then Mr I’m so dangerous and scary.”

Jake gives Hammer his look of utter death causing Hammer to let out a girly scream.

Jake, “You big wuss.”

Hammer, “Jesus it was like you were glaring right into my soul.”

 Jake starts to get excited as he feels his plan of killing Brax falling into place. Surely this woman before him would turn out to be Charlie Buckton.

Charlie, “Oh my name?”

Jake, “Yes what is it?”

Charlie, “Esther Anderson.”

 Hammer, “I’m Hammy his assistant.”

Charlie laughs.

Charlie, “Hammy seriously?”

Hammer, “Yeah what’s wrong with that?”

Charlie, “It’s a name that someone would give there pet hamster.”

 Charlie, “Yes Esther Anderson is going to be a very high maintenance, bitchy and a right diva, just like so many other supermodels. Hey Rubes if I manage to pull this off maybe I should think about going into the acting profession.”

Ruby, “Charlie…..”

Charlie, “No Ruby from now on you call me Esther, hey if my acting classes go well maybe I could even end up having a role in an Australian soap now that would be great.”

Ruby sighs.

[Red Ranger 1]

Oh man.The whole confession sequence, with the chocolate milk and biscuits and Elijah trying to throttle Heath.Xavier and Sasha making a meal of kissing.Excellent work!