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Summer Bay High (by Skykat) - comments


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Another great chapter ILM, I love the way you use flash backs to illustrate where the characters are at, it is so effective. The characters are so well described and portrayed, I can see and hear them.

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Another great chapter ILM, I love the way you use flash backs to illustrate where the characters are at, it is so effective. The characters are so well described and portrayed, I can see and hear them.

Thanks. I'll be returning to Hayley next chapter and it's way, way past time I returned to what's happening with Will :rolleyes: so he'll make a reappearance...not sure who else, if anyone, will pop up yet as I've barely begun it but, just to keep people happy, I can probably - well, hopefully :unsure: - squeeze a Barry/Irene scene in there too... :P

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Another great chapter ILM, I love the way you use flash backs to illustrate where the characters are at, it is so effective. The characters are so well described and portrayed, I can see and hear them.

Thanks. I'll be returning to Hayley next chapter and it's way, way past time I returned to what's happening with Will :rolleyes: so he'll make a reappearance...not sure who else, if anyone, will pop up yet as I've barely begun it but, just to keep people happy, I can probably - well, hopefully :unsure: - squeeze a Barry/Irene scene in there too... :P

That would be much appreciated. I have enjoyed the intervening chapters, the Gypsy one was harrowing, and the last one was intriguing as well, but I would not say no to a nice romantically inclined mention of my favorite couple occasionally :P However, I particularly like the way you bring your characters to life, and the Tramps and Thieves chapter was especially evocative and hard hitting. You always mange to surprise us. This is my favorite fic on the forum. :D

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An excellent chapter, which I greatly enjoyed. I always liked Gypsy, her fire and spirit were second to none amongst the teenager characters. You have captured that well, yet given it your own unique spin. I also like how you have drawn the parallel with Irene, who also has fire and spirit.

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Thanks for your reviews. :D I'm about halfway-three quarters through the next chapter now. So far it's Will/Hayley and Martha/Kane but I WILL work on a Barry/Irene scene as promised too and I'll prob put a Dani cameo in there too. :) As you can guess, it's pretty long again...2,000+ words and rising... :rolleyes:

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I hardly deserve you crediting me anymore ILM it's been so long since I came in here. My bad I'm sorry, I've missed this story though, you're one of the few writers on here who completely hook me in and you're doing such a good job of this. Sorry it's been so long since I reviewed and I've missed to many chapters to comment on everyuthing but I have to point out Gypsy's backstory. You know she's my favourite and you did it so well. The rest is pretty darm spectacular too. I hope you update soon and this time I'll read and review, its a promise.

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Baystormer & Angry Dad v Hot Chick. Uh...no contest. He immediately staggered back the way he'd came.

Still thinking deep, alcohol fuelled thoughts. Like how come they always put inside pockets on a guy's jacket next to his heart? What was the deal with inside pockets anyway? Not big enough for a wallet, not secure enough for cash, not convenient enough for a mobile phone, right? A love poem, on the other hand...

I loved that, I'm not sure how much of Will you remembered but that was such a Will thing to say, that cocky yet goofy type guy that saw everything in shades of black and white, ^^ that was so him.

"Stuff you, Gypsy!" he shouted drunkenly, shaking his fist at the thunderous sky. "Betcha Dani appreciates poetry!"

When he brought the fist down, the fist swept over his eyes and he had to force himself to think of other things.

Loved the echoes with the storm. You were the first person to show me how effective that form of writing could be and this is just another example of it. Will's bitterness towards Gypsy is so apparent in the echoes of the storm, it is fabulous writing.

And Hayley still couldn't understand why they didn't come back, no matter how many times Will told her. Not even when she got to six.

She thought when she reached the grand old age of to six she'd know.

That made me laugh, I was minding a six year old this weekend and when you're that age there is such a feeling that when you're that year older you'll be so much more grown up. You know kids so well, it always amazes me how you get in their heads and get their thoughts so spot on.

Stupid Will! She wasn't playing Don't Step on a Crack or You'll Break Your Back! Bubs in Reception played that and she wasn't a bub anymore! She was playing Don't Step on a Crack, And They Might Come Back...'cos...'cos they might, see? If they knew how much she wanted them to. She sniffed back tears, hoping Will's mates hadn't noticed. Boys always teased girls about crying.

Same as the last bit I quoted really, creates such vivid images of them as children in my mind. Fasntastic dialogue.

In the darkness two figures holding each other lightly as friends were but a short step away from holding each other closer. And so they took that step. She smelled of a light flowery fragrance, of soap, of warmth and tenderness, of croissants freshly baked that long ago morning yet that had lived and breathed only a few short hours ago, when the sun was still golden and the sky never knew any darker clouds.

Description! I loved that bit, it was the croissants that did it, I've thought that so often after I've eaten croissants, that you must be able to smell them all day, the way they linger on your clothes. Really fantastic imagery.

So he digs on into the silent earth and the moon watching. Something burns in the corner of his eye, some grit or soil or grain of sand. And still he has no tears to shed. He grips the spade so hard that tomorrow blisters will cover his bloodied hands, he presses his heel so heavily on the silver metal that tomorrow he will find the blood seeped through his boots to leave its indelible print.

That almost had me in tears, such evocative description. There's a real poignancy to the description of that particular moment in time, poor Barry!

Irene locked her fingers in his and led him like a child into the living quarters. She let his hand fall from her grasp for only a moment while she lit the gas fire and into the cold room brought warmth and light too in her tender smile. The room was rarely used as Alf had given over to her his own more spacious and comfortable living room but here she had put her own stamp. He looked to the flower print home-made curtains brought with her from some previous life, to the dancing blue flames and to battered little old carriage clock still ticking away the years, to the framed photographs adorning shelves and walls. Family. Her family. And all that the light touched was tinged with flecks of gold and each flicker was a breath and each breath was carried on the wings of hope.

Now that's an awww moment, again beautiful description. It created a real note of tenderness between the two of them.

This is important. This is what those of you who have loved and lost will know. Never give your heart.

Oh, but sometimes your heart will be stolen.

Great ending, just about sums everything up.

-

I know we hadn't planned on the Irene/ Barry stuff but I'm glad you went with it, it's nice to have the adults mixed in with the kids. Again another fabulous chapter, nice to see Freddie teddy still alive in memory even though he's now mutilated at Hayley's hands.

I'm happy you keeping writing this, you write it so much better than me and I've lost all enthusiasm for writing atm. I do really feel like writing a bitch scene though so if you're short of any dialogue or ideas, let me know. :P

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I do really feel like writing a bitch scene though so if you're short of any dialogue or ideas, let me know.

YES!!!

:D:D:D

I've been struggling with this lately, I've been okay with flashbacks and...um...getting all poetic but it needs more substance and needs its co-writer back.

I only just got up tho and I haven't done anything yet apart from having my breakfast. Tea is so good and I have the time so I just had to have a second cup but with kit-kat instead of toast this time. :rolleyes: I'm off work today and have to do shopping etc so will pm you later this afternoon. :)

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That was a gobsmacker of a chapter! Skykat has commented brilliantly and I agree with her analysis. It was a great idea to put in Irene and Barry, it adds gravitas, and that last section took my breath away with its intensity. You sure know how to get into the characters heads. Hayley and Freddy teddy, and thinking things will be Ok when she is 6, is so 6 year old thinking as well.

I like the sound of the "bitchy dialogue" collaboration, bring it on.

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