Distance and Time

[charmed60]

Thank you ever so much Suzanne, Red Ranger and Danni It's really useful for me to see what parts you enjoyed. I'm going to just add a little warning that this next chapter might be upsetting for some readers so read with caution I hope you enjoy!

“Hey babe” Angelo grinned when his girlfriend walked through the door from a long shift at work. He had set out the table knowing that Leah would be out at Rachel’s all evening, complete with candles and a home cooked meal. Sprinkled along the floor were tiny rose petals leading from the front door to his feet and he’d closed all the curtains and set the lighting on low to create a romantic mood.

“Angelo” Charlie gasped, her face frozen in shock as her bag dropped from her shoulder to the floor. “Wha…what’s this in aid of?”

“Because I love you” Angelo smiled, his voice shaking with nerves. He didn’t think he’d have everything done in time so when she’d called him earlier and said she needed to work late he’d breathed a sigh of relief. “Charlie we’ve been together for three years now and…they’ve been the best three years of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and nothing would make me more proud than being able to call you my wife…”

“Your wife” Charlie shrieked. She hadn’t been expecting it at all, she thought that he’d have at least spoken to her about it but they’d never discussed marriage before.

“Er…yer…I’m sorry I did that the wrong way round” Angelo stuttered, his palms becoming sweaty. “I probably should have asked you to marry me first.”

“You’re asking me to marry you” Charlie gasped as she slowly moved towards him. He looked so gorgeous and now that the initial shock had worn off she found herself excited at the thought. He was dressed in a light blue shirt and black trousers and she could see that he’d made the effort to shave; mainly because he’d left a tiny piece of blood dotted tissue just underneath his chin.

“I’ve messed this up” Angelo frowned, he was so angry with himself. “Just forget I said anything, I know it’s sudden, do you want a glass of wine?” He looked down, trying to change the subject although he wished the ground would just swallow him up.

“Angelo” she whispered, her hand reaching out to touch his face gently and force him to look at her. “I want to marry you.”

“You do” he stammered, his eyes wide with shock and surprise.

“I do” she beamed, equally surprised at her answer. Tears stung at her eyes and she kissed him passionately, running her fingers through his hair before they embraced each other.

“The ring” Angelo suddenly shouted out, “I can’t believe I forgot to give you the ring.” He knelt down before her and presented a tiny golden box. Upon opening it Charlie gasped as he revealed a white gold ring with three delicate diamonds sitting perfectly alongside each other.

“It’s so beautiful” Charlie sobbed, unable to hold her tears in any longer. Angelo pulled it out of the box and began to put it on her finger but she suddenly pulled it away.

“Angelo” she began, her voice turning serious. “Would you mind if I didn’t put it on yet? It’s just, I spoke to Martha earlier and she told me that Rachel’s really struggling at the moment. She was meant to be getting married Angelo and now Tony’s gone; I just don’t want to upset her by rubbing our happiness in her face. Can we just keep this between us for now?”

Angelo took a deep breath; he understood her reasoning but was disappointed that he wouldn’t be allowed to share his happy news with all their friends. “If that’s what you really want then that’s okay. But Charlie, we have a right to be happy and we have a right to share that with the people we care about.”

“I know, I know” she smiled. “And I want us to but Rachel’s our friend, I already had to tell her that her fiancé was dead, I can’t hurt her again.” A tear trickled down Charlie’s cheek as guilt poured over her and Angelo stood up quickly and wrapped her in his arms.

“Hey, you’re not blaming yourself for any of what happened to Rachel are you Charlie?” Angelo wrapped his arms tighter around her as she began sobbing into his shoulder, “it was your job to tell her but even if you hadn’t, it wouldn’t have changed anything. Tony would still be gone.”

“I know” Charlie smiled as she breathed her tears away. “I just feel so sorry for her Angelo, if I lost you…I love you.”

“I love you to” he smiled, kissing the top of her head and allowing her to nestle further into his chest.

*****************

Lucas pulled himself up the stairs to the front of the house and hovered his hand over the door to his bedroom. It was 1am and he was exhausted, having roamed the streets for the past few hours trying to get rid of the rage encaged in his chest after his earlier confrontation with Rachel. He felt awful; he never meant to take it out on her but he was so sick of people trying to tell him that he was grieving wrong and that he should ‘focus on the good times.’ His stomach rumbled subconsciously and he realised that he hadn’t eaten anything all day. Rachel usually left him some dinner outside his room as she knew that he didn’t want to come into the main house; not with all those memories of his Dad littered around. But tonight she hadn’t and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep feeling hungry so he resolved to just sneak through and grab something from the refrigerator. If he kept his head down then he wouldn’t have to see anything right? As he tiptoed through the living room and kept his eyes firmly focused on the ground his arm caught something on the fireplace and it crashed loudly to the floor. Swearing under his breath, he prayed that he hadn’t woken Rachel up and bent down quickly to pick up what he’d dropped. As he pulled it into his hands, his heart sank and his eyes began to well up whilst that familiar feeling of anger washed violently over him. It was a photograph of his Dad and Rachel, both beaming as they had their arms wrapped tightly around each other. He focused on his Dad’s face; his eyes seemed like they were twinkling which was stupid considering it was a photograph, but Lucas could tell how happy he was. A wave of guilt ripped through him as his mind flashed back to what he’d said to Rachel earlier; she hadn’t deserved it and looking at his Dad’s smiling face he felt like he’d let him down. He realised that Rachel deserved an apology and despite the time; he needed to do it now, to make it up to his Dad. Lucas placed the photo frame gently back on the fireplace and crept towards Rachel’s room; noticing the door was slightly ajar. He tapped lightly on it, not wanting to scare her and squinted his eyes through the gap when he saw her lying on top of the bed. Realising that she didn’t flinch he had second thoughts; maybe it wasn’t fair to wake her and he could hold his apology until tomorrow? As he went to walk away his phone vibrated in his pocket and so he stood still on the spot to read it. The message was from Jack making sure he’d got home, something which made Lucas smile slightly; as angry as his older brother was with him it was touching to know he still cared. He went to reply so as not to worry him when he noticed that the light from his phone had illuminated the space in front and he was able to see clearly into Rachel’s room.

His whole body froze and a cold feeling washed over him as he saw blood dripping slowly down the side of the bed sheets. Lucas threw the door open, hoping that his tired mind was just playing tricks on him but as he got closer to the bed he could see further pools of blood harshly contrasting with the pale green colour of the duvet. Rachel’s face was porcelain white and there were harsh jagged cuts on her wrists which were still slowly bleeding. Lucas’s body began to shake and he was frozen to the spot, unsure what to do. So many things were going through his mind that he couldn’t logically think; he couldn’t speak. Worry ripped through him, shock not far behind. He forced himself to gain control over his body again and ran out of the room desperate to get help; the situation was far too huge for him to deal with himself.

He banged loudly on his brother’s door, both fists pounding on the wooden frame frantically. He tried to call out but found he couldn’t speak and he suddenly wondered whether he should have left Rachel alone, was he meant to have done something first to stop the bleeding? Why did Jack have to move back next door? He thought angrily until he saw a light flicker on and his brother come running towards him.

“Luc, what the hell are you doing banging on my door at this time of the morning” Jack shouted until he saw his brother shaking.

“Ja..jack, come quick” Lucas was so desperate to get his words out but nothing was happening no matter what he did. Instead he frantically pointed next door, hoping his brother would understand him.

“Luc, what’s happened” Jack soothed, grabbing his younger siblings wrists in an effort to stop him shaking. He’d never seen him in this state before although he imagined it was how he reacted when he told him that their Dad had died; he could barely speak. It was when Lucas managed to mumble Rachel’s name that Jack’s eyes widened with horror and he pushed past his brother; running as fast as his legs could carry him. He barely had time to imagine what sort of scene was going to greet him but after seeing Rachel earlier with Leah and Elijah, he knew it wasn’t going to be good. Hearing Martha call after him he burst into the house and scanned the room quickly before moving towards Rachel’s room.

“Oh God please no” he screamed, his hand flying to his mouth and a rush of bile moving to the back of his throat. He jumped onto the bed and grabbed Rachel’s wrists instantly in an effort to stop the bleeding whilst also crouching down, praying that she was still breathing. Martha’s horrifying howl as she ran into the room sent chills down his spine and he struggled to keep his emotions in control. “Call an ambulance” he shouted, so loud that his voice cracked and screeched. His brother was frozen in the doorway, his eyes wide in horror as he struggled to take in the scene before him. “Luc, call an ambulance now.” He breathed a momentary sigh of relief as Lucas reached into his pocked and dialled the emergency services. “Come on Rach, don’t do this, stay with us” he repeated over and over, praying that she would listen. “Please stay with us.”

Preview:

Will Rachel survive?

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Danni, Red Ranger, Freckleface and Kirsty - comments appreciate as always Another little warning for this chapter, please read with caution

Jack breathed out an exhausted sigh and ran his fingers through his hair, his legs shaking gently in frustration. He couldn’t get the image out of his mind; Rachel lying there completely helpless, her skin a ghostly colour, surrounded by her own blood. Why hadn’t he seen it coming? He kept going over and over in his head his last conversation with her but there was nothing she’d said that indicated she was even thinking of doing this. If anything she seemed more at peace; he thought she’d just hit breaking point and was beginning to move out of it but he realised now it was probably just because she’d made the decision to end her life and knew she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. He hated himself so much, if he’d have only stayed at her house then maybe he’d have heard something or been able to stop her; did she do it because she felt like she’d been left on her own? Lucas was sitting quietly next to him, his head bowed down in his hands; he hadn’t said a word since they’d got there and he’d decided not to press him, the shock of finding Rachel like that had really affected him.

“Jack” Leah screamed as she came storming towards him, the heels of her shoes thudding against the cold, hospital floor. She looked terrified, her eyes with wild with worry and she was dressed in mismatching jogging bottoms and a knee length dress; Jack figured she’d just thrown on the first thing she could find to wear when he’d called her earlier. “Where is she? Is she okay? What happened” she shrieked, her body shaking as she pressed him for information.

“They said she’s going to be okay” Jack reassured, grabbing both of her arms as he attempted to calm her down. “She erm, she tried to kill herself Leah. She…I should have stopped it, I should have…should have taken better care of her, I just…”

“Hey it’s okay” Leah soothed as she wrapped her arms around Jack and tried to calm him down; his body racked with sobs as he cried into her shoulder. “The most important thing is that she’s alive right?” Leah felt tears sliding down her cheeks as she tried to process the news, Rachel said she was okay, she said that Elijah had helped

her. So why did this happen?

“Yeah but only just” Jack cried, his voice wavering as he pulled away from Leah and took a seat back down next to his brother, who was looking guiltily towards them.

“They said that she was really anaemic and so, she probably fainted before she was able to do any real damage to herself.”

Leah squeezed her eyes shut tightly in an effort to force away the images in her mind. “I don’t think she’s eaten for days” she exasperated tearfully, mentally scolding herself for not being able to stop this from happening. Rachel was her best friend, she should have been able to tell that things weren’t right she kept repeating over and over in her head. “Is it okay if I go in and sit with her? I want to be there when she wakes up” Leah added, her voice cracking as she forced herself to stay composed.

“Yeah of course it is, I was in there for a while but I just…I couldn’t anymore, I couldn’t see her like that.” Jack looked down at the ground guiltily.

“Are you going to be okay out here?” Leah added, concerned for her friend. She’d noticed Lucas’s quiet expression and suddenly felt a pang of sympathy for him; hoping that he wasn’t blaming himself.

“Yeah, Martha went to get coffee she’ll be back soon” Jack croaked weakly, forcing a smile of gratitude. He watched as Leah let go of Elijah’s hand and slipped quietly into Rachel’s room; thankful that someone was strong enough to be able to go in and sit with her. The truth was, he was also worried about what to do when she woke up, what would he say to her? Part of him was angry with her for what she did; he’s just lost his Dad and didn’t want to lose a friend to, didn’t she realise how selfish she was being? However knowing how devastated she was, he tried to push the angry thoughts away and instead focused on Elijah, who was sat a few seats away from him. He’d taken a Bible out and was reading it intensely as if he was searching for the answer to something. You’re not gonna find anything in there Jack muttered under his breath and turned his attention back to the floor, patiently waiting for Martha to get back.

**********

Rachel fluttered her eyes open groggily and smiled to herself as a brightness hit her immediately. “Tony?” she whispered with all the strength she could muster and she looked around eagerly, waiting for him to appear. Her heart fluttered with excitement as she anticipated seeing him again and she quickly wondered whether he’d look the same, would he be dressed in the clothes he died in?

“Rach!” She heard a muffled voice echo to her in the distance but knew immediately that it wasn’t her Tony, it sounded too high pitched. As she wondered who it could be, her vision began to focus and her heart suddenly hit the bottom of her chest with a force that made her feel violently sick.

“Noo, no, no, no, no, no” she screamed, her head shaking violently from side to side as she blinked furiously, unable to believe that she could still be alive. She’d done everything she could, cutting the right way with the sharpest knife she could find; why didn’t it work?

“Rach calm down” she heard the same voice say and as she turned towards it she saw her best friend standing above her, tears pouring down her cheeks and a terrified look in her eye. “It’s okay, you’re in the hospital” Leah soothed, as if the news was something Rachel wanted to hear.

“No, I don’t want to be here” Rachel sobbed, tugging at the oxygen mask covering her face. She attempted to pull it away from her but the weakness in her wrists meant that she couldn’t grip properly and instead all she managed to do was hit herself in the face. “Get it off me” she cried hysterically, her eyes pleading with Leah to help her.

“Okay, it’s alright” Leah choked, her heart breaking at seeing her friend so distressed. She removed the mask from around Rachel’s head and then perched herself defiantly on the side of her bed, forcing her to look at her. “Why did you do it? Why didn’t you talk to me” Leah cried. She was plagued with guilt and desperate to understand why Rachel felt she couldn’t come to her, did she not think she was sympathetic enough? Maybe because Leah had been afraid to relive the grief she’d felt all over again she’d subconsciously made Rachel feel like she didn’t want to be there, that she didn’t want to listen to her talk?

“Because I want to be with Tony” Rachel blurted out as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Elijah, he promised me Leah, he promised me that I would see him again” she sobbed, the disappointment becoming more and more powerful with every second that passed. “Why wasn’t he there, why couldn’t I see him?”

Leah’s eyes widened with horror and she gasped involuntarily, shocked at Rachel’s confession. “Sweetie, he didn’t mean it like that” she screeched before pausing and taking a deep breath, attempting to keep her voice calm and reassuring. “He didn’t mean that you should take your own life, Tony wouldn’t want that, you still have so much to give.” Leah tried everything she could to persuade her friend that she’d make a mistake but it fell on deaf ears as Rachel turned over onto her side so that her back was facing her. Leah’s heart broke as she heard her sobbing to herself and she desperately wracked her brain, trying to think of what she could say to make Rachel’s pain easier. “Rach, do you know how devastated Jack is?” she questioned, hoping to make her friend realise how many people cared about her. “He’s beside himself with guilt and Lucas…he hasn’t said a word, Jack said on the phone that he was the one to find you and it’s really shaken him up.” Leah paused, hoping to see some sort of reaction but Rachel didn’t move. As Leah closed her eyes in defeat she carefully made her way round to the other side of the bed; she was determined not to let her friend down again. As she stepped closer she noticed Rachel picking at something and it was only when she was standing at the bottom of the bed that she realised she had removed the IV fluids and was now trying to pull the cannula out of her hand.

“Rach, please don’t do that” Leah cried, noting the determined yet heartbroken expression on her friend’s face as she ran towards her however it was too late; Rachel had pulled it out and blood was now pumping swiftly from the open wound all over the sheets and down the side of the hospital bed. Leah panicked, unsure what to do and so she pushed open the door and screamed down the hospital corridor for help.

“Just let me go” Rachel whispered as Derek came rushing towards her and placed the oxygen mask back over her mouth and nose. She tried to push it away but all her strength had disappeared as the blood loss caused her to become quickly lightheaded.

“Rach come on, help us out here” Derek begged as he attempted to stop the bleeding as well as ensure she didn’t pass out. He was aware that all of Rachel’s friends were watching panic stricken from the doorway and was trying to keep his professional cool but treating your friends was never going to be easy; particularly when they don’t actually want your help.

“It’s okay Derek” she mumbled from underneath her mask. “I want to die, please.” Her cries were rasp and frantic and Derek couldn’t help but look at the pain in her eyes, almost persuaded by the desperation in her voice. But as quickly as it came, he remembered a significant detail that Rachel needed to know.

“I’m not going to let that happen” he stated defiantly, tapping her vein in order to try and reinsert her cannula.

“Please” she screamed, her cries almost ear piercing as she attempted to pull her hand away. “I need to be with him” she sobbed. Knocking the mask off of her face with the side of her arm, she pressed all her weight onto her elbow and pulled herself up, ignoring the waves of dizziness that passed over her.

“Rachel, lie down” Derek instructed, trying his best to be compassionate yet firm.

“No please, I can’t go on like this.” Her whole body shook with sobs and she hung her head in despair, trying to ignore the fact that all of her friends were watching her completely unravel.

“But what about the baby?” Derek enquired, breathing a sigh of relief as Rachel calmed down and looked him directly in the eye. “I understand that you’re hurting and it feels like you’ve got nothing to live for but Rachel, you’re going to be a Mum. There is going to be a baby that…”

“W,what are you talking about” Rachel shrieked, “what baby.” Her breathing became rapid as she tried to consider what he was saying; he’d made a mistake, surely?

Derek froze as he heard quiet whispers coming from the doorway. “Can we have a second please?” Derek stuttered, his hands shaking nervously as Leah, Jack and Elijah scuttled away and closed the door softly behind them. He turned back to Rachel and took notice of the confusion in her eyes, silently reprimanding himself for just having assumed she already knew.

“Am I…am I pregnant?” she mumbled, her eyes searching his desperately for the answer.

“Yes, you are” he whispered back noticing a tear immediately fall slowly down her cheek. As she began to cry silently, he motioned towards Leah who was glancing nervously through the window of the door and left her to comfort Rachel.

“Are you okay sweetie?” Leah asked, knowing immediately that it was the wrong thing to say.

“I’m going to have a baby” Rachel croaked. “I’m…I can’t”

“That’s so fantastic” Leah beamed; a flicker of excitement running through her despite having already assumed that’s what Derek meant. She moved forward and wrapped her arms around her friend; she could see that the shock had completely overpowered her and left her confused about what to do. “It’s going to be okay now” she assured, allowing Rachel to cry into her shoulder. “We’re all here for you.”

Preview:

Charlie has second thoughts about keeping her wedding news secret

Rachel is unsure of her feelings

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Red Ranger, Danni and Kirsty for your faithful readerness Here's the next update, I hope you enjoy!

“Sooooo” Charlie teased as she leant closer to her fiancé and entwined her fingers with his across the table, “are we having a Church wedding or a registry office wedding or…oh we could get married on the beach” Charlie shrieked, her eyes widening in excitement as the thought of planning her nuptials filled her with anticipated joy.

“Shhh” Angelo whispered, a cheeky grin spread across his face. “Shouting that out in a room full of people with Colleen working just ten paces over there is not a good way to go if you want to keep this secret.”

“I know, I know” Charlie retreated, her eyes clouding with disappointment. “I’m just so excited I can’t help myself. Maybe we should just tell some people, I mean as long as Rachel doesn’t find out then there’s no harm right?”

“Honestly?” Angelo replied, “I think we should tell her; Rachel’s our friend, she’d be happy for us. And as cruel as it sounds she’s going to have to get used to seeing other people happy eventually and who knows, she might even be upset if we tell others and not her. Is it really fair to leave her out?” He felt bad for saying it but he didn’t like the fact that he had to tiptoe around other’s when he had such exciting news to share; he was getting married! Some one had agreed to spend the rest of their life with him; he could hardly believe it.

“I guess not” Charlie sighed, considering that maybe he was right. “So we should probably tell Leah first seeing as we’re living with her, maybe we could cook dinner tonight and make a special occasion of it?”

“Sounds perfect” Angelo beamed, running his thumb over Charlie’s hands.

“I’ll just go outside and give her a call now; see if she’ll be free” she stated as she stood up and kissed his head before walking towards the door to the diner. Her heart leapt when she thought about the future she had ahead of her; she had an amazing man whom she loved more than anything and he actually wanted to spend his life with her. It’s just like the movies she giggled to herself, pulling her phone from her pocket with a big smile plastered on her face.

*********

“That’s really great news Rach” Jack beamed as he perched himself on the end of her hospital bed, his hands covering Martha’s who had wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Yeah it’s so amazing; it’s like Tony’s left you a little gift” Martha giggled, excited at the thought of there being a baby in the family.

“Yeah” Rachel smiled, unsure of how she was meant to feel. Of course she was thrilled, she’d always wanted to be a Mum and her and Tony had been trying for a baby for months with what they thought was no success. But just when she allowed herself to feel happy and even excited at the thought of having a baby, the brutal reality that Tony would never meet their child hit her with a violent force and all feelings of joy would be swiftly diminished. “How am I going to do this on my own?” she whispered, not realising that she’d been vocal rather than keeping her thoughts safely in her head.

“You are not going to be going through this by yourself, I promise you” Jack comforted as Rachel instantly blushed, embarrassed that she’d revealed her weak thoughts.

“We’ll all be on hand to help paint the nursery and babysit whenever and erm…change dirty nappies”

“Speak for yourself” Martha shrieked. “I will happily feed and cuddle and sing to your baby Rachel but I will not change dirty nappies thank you very much, that can be big brother Jack’s personal job.”

“You’re going to regret volunteering to do that” Leah teased, her heart lifting as she saw the first genuine smile in months appear on her best friend’s tear stained face.

“When have you got your first scan Rach?” Leah enquired; keen to continue talking about the baby when she could see how happy it was making her.

“Next week” Rachel answered, her hands shaking with a combination of nerves and excitement. She knew it sounded crazy but she didn’t think she’d be able to properly believe that her and Tony had created a baby together until she saw the tiny, black and white image on the ultrasound screen.

“Well if you want any of us to go with you, you know you only have to ask. We could make it a little family event” Jack joked, amused at the image he’d formed in his mind of all of them piling into a tiny room.

“Thanks but…I think I’d like to go by myself” Rachel tentatively answered, hoping that she didn’t offend Jack. As much as she wanted someone there for moral support, it didn’t feel right to effectively replace Tony and she hoped that whilst he wouldn’t be there in body, he would be in spirit somewhere, watching, smiling and feeling proud at seeing his unborn child.

“Of course” Jack nodded, slightly disappointed that he wouldn’t get to see his little brother or sister. “Anyway we should probably head off and check on Luc, he went home a couple of hours ago.”

“Thank you so much for everything” Rachel smiled as she kissed Jack goodbye on the cheek and tried not to cry when he held her hand and made her promise not to struggle on her own anymore. She didn’t know how much she could promise that, she’d been so sure of her feelings yesterday but now she didn’t know what to think. But

what she could do was give her word that when she felt like she couldn’t go on anymore she would talk to Jack.

“We’ll get through this together” he vowed. As they both exited her room, their arms wrapped around each other; Leah positioned herself in Jack’s previous spot and placed her hand over Rachel’s.

“You can stop being brave now they’re gone” Leah assured, knowing her best friend more than she knew herself sometimes. “How do you really feel?”

“I don’t know” Rachel immediately replied, tears brimming as the tension of trying to pretend that she was okay in front of Jack was finally released. “I still want to be with him Leah, so much. Does that make me a bad person?”

“Of course it doesn’t” Leah soothed, “it makes you human. And that feeling won’t go away but it will get easier to cope with, I promise you.” She smiled reassuringly at her friend and braced herself to ask her a question that she was mostly dreading to know the answer to. “Erm Rach, do you mind if I, if I just ask…well I wanted to know if” Leah reprimanded herself mentally as she stumbled over her words and couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

“I’m not going to kill myself Leah” Rachel bluntly replied as Leah breathed a loud sigh of relief. “I still want to don’t get me wrong, I’m still really scared about living without him and I want the pain to go away so much but…I can’t be selfish. It’s not just my life anymore and there is no way that I’m going to harm this baby, our baby.” Tears of sadness rolled down Rachel’s cheeks and her voice shook as she contemplated her uncertain future without the man she loved. “I can’t wait to see what our baby’s going to look like” Rachel beamed in a moment of pure excitement. “I really hope it looks like Tony; has his dimples and his sparkly eyes…”

“Let’s just hope this baby doesn’t have Tony’s sense of humour though right” Leah teased as they both called out the different parts of him that the baby could inherit.

“Do you think he knows?” Rachel whispered through a moment of mutual silence. “About the baby I mean?”

“Absolutely” Leah grinned. “Wherever he is, he’s going to be a very happy Daddy right now.”

***********

“You’re home” Charlie shrieked, bouncing off the settee as Leah wearily dragged herself through the front door. “We’ve been leaving messages on your phone for hours, we made dinner.”

“Oh sorry” Leah apologised before yawning and fantasising about her bed. “I was just…”

“Were getting married” Angelo blurted out, unable to contain his excitement anymore. He’d been desperate to tell someone ever since Charlie had agreed to allow him.

“Angelo” Charlie reprimanded him before hitting his abdomen lightly. “Let Leah get in the door before you shock her like that” she giggled, grinning at her housemates stunned expression.

“Well aren’t you going to say something…Congratulations guys I’m really happy for you” Angelo mocked, wrapping his arm tightly around his new fiancée. He loved the sound of that word and kept saying it over and over in his head, trying to get used to it.

“Im…of course I’m happy for you, congratulations” Leah smiled, unsure if she’d actually heard correctly. Everything was fuzzy in her head and she hadn’t slept in hours; she was just thankful Elijah was able to drop her home because she didn’t think she’d have been able to drive safely. Her thoughts turned immediately to her best friend who was still at the hospital,, alone by now. She felt awful having to leave her, Elijah had to practically drag her away and she prayed with everything she had that Rachel wouldn’t do anything to herself. Although with the recent surprise with the baby she doubted that she would. “I’m sorry about missing dinner”

“Where were you?” Charlie questioned, noticing Leah’s distant look.

“Erm, Rachel’s in hospital. I don’t really want to go into why but…she’s going to be okay” Leah smiled, desperate to help Rachel retain some of her privacy. “Although I am pretty exhausted so I’m going to go to bed now, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Well she wasn’t particularly excited for us was she” Angelo muttered, wrapping his arms around Charlie’s waist.

“Did you hear what she just said? Rachel’s in hospital Angelo, don’t be such a jerk.” Charlie snapped a lot harsher than she’d intended and stormed into her bedroom, desperate for some space. She didn’t mean to take it out on him but she couldn’t help feeling guilty and after the embarrassment of what had just happened; she began to wish she’d never agreed to tell people about their engagement. There was too much sadness in the Bay at the minute and the last thing people needed was them rubbing their happiness in their face. From now on, they keep it to themselves Charlie decided.

Preview:

Rachel receives a present that causes an unexpected reaction

Matilda attempts to get through to Lucas again

[charmed60]

Thank you so much carine.vanessa.adellefan, Danni, Red Ranger, Freckleface and little Charlene So appreciate your comments as always! It actually prompted me to edit this next chapter so please continue to give your comments, good or bad! Enjoy

Rachel curled up on the sofa and stared out of the window, enjoying the sound of the birds singing for the first time in what felt like years. She used to do this every morning that she wasn’t working; her long shifts meant that she’d never been able to have lie ins and so she would get up as soon as she awoke and sit with a cup of tea, just enjoying the silence. She smiled to herself as she remembered how Tony would more often than not come and join her, except he could never be quiet for long and she would have to pretend to be interested as he would natter away about his plans for the day. But now, she would give anything to have that back, to have her silence ruined. She breathed in deeply as she felt the familiar lump in her throat form and swallowed it away; Leah was right, she was beginning to get used to living with the pain and learning to control it. Part of it made her sad though; she wondered if Tony would think she didn’t miss him anymore if she wasn’t crying.

“Knock knock” a cheery noise at the open door greeted and Rachel smiled as she saw Mattie standing in front of her, one hand firmly behind her back.

“Hey, I thought you’d be spending your day packing” Rachel enquired, referring to the fact that Matilda was heading back to University for a finals exam early tomorrow morning.

“I was but I wanted to come and say goodbye to you – and see how you’re doing. Are you glad to be back home?” Matilda questioned as she perched herself on the arm of Rachel’s chair.

“Very” Rachel exaggeratedly replied; “I’m sick of having psychiatrists and obstetricians and all sorts of medical students walking in the door whenever they want and asking me a ton of questions. Although Leah and Jack haven’t really left me alone, they call me near on every hour to make sure I haven’t…”

“They’re just worried about you” Matilda interrupted, sensing Rachel’s hesitation to say the word. “It really scared them, what you did.”

“I, I know” Rachel stuttered, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment.

“Why didn’t you talk to one of us?” Matilda questioned, taking the opportunity to understand what she’d done while her defences were down.

“I don’t know” Rachel choked; “I guess it’s because I knew one of them would talk me out of it and I’d feel, I don’t know…guilty for wanting to do it. All I could think of was how much I wanted to be with Tony again and it was so overpowering that…I couldn’t think about anything else. Only him.” Rachel surprised herself at how much she was revealing, particularly to Matilda who she wasn’t all that close to. But it felt nice to talk to somebody who wasn’t so personally affected by what she did. When she spoke with Leah she kept reminding herself of how much she’d let her down; with Jack, she felt sick when she thought of what she’d put him through so soon after losing his Dad.

“I was just so desperate to see him again” she cried, “it seemed to solve everything.”

Matilda wiped away a tear and moved herself so that she was sitting directly next to Rachel. “You will see him one day” she smiled optimistically, “just keep reminding yourself of that everytime it gets really hard; that’s what I do when I miss my Mum. And talk to people, talk to Leah, Jack, Martha, they want to help you.”

“I will, thank you Mattie” Rachel smiled, feeling more optimistic about her future.

“Didn’t you have your scan last week? How did it go?” Matilda questioned, keen to change the conversation to something more cheerful. As much as she sympathised with Rachel, part of her did feel a little hostile towards her. When she considered how her Mum loved her life, had a partner and children that she adored and yet it was all taken cruelly away from her, she struggled to understand how Rachel could throw it away so carelessly.

“Really good, did you want to see a picture?” Rachel offered, desperate to show off the 2D ultrasound scan.

“Absolutely” Matilda shrieked, clapping her hands together in excitement in an effort to hide her true feelings. “Oh my” she cooed as Rachel passed the picture to her, “it’s so cute. Are they the arms? It looks like it’s waving” she pointed out as she studied the picture intricately, grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah it does” Rachel blubbed; still finding it hard to believe that she was having a baby. She couldn’t even begin to describe what it felt like when she’d first seen the grainy image of her unborn child only six days ago, it was like a multitude of emotions crashed through her; grief, regret, sorrow and yet unbelievable happiness. The second the sonographer turned the volume up and she heard the rhythmic beat of her babies’ heart she fell to pieces, completely overjoyed that she had Tony’s baby growing inside her yet utterly crushed that he would never get to meet their child. That their baby would never know what an absolutely wonderful father he or she had; it seemed so callous and cruel.

“Well I’ve got a little present for you” Mattie cooed, pointing her finger at the tiny image on the picture as she noticed Rachel beginning to become distracted. “Although I think your Mummy’s going to have to open it” she giggled, handing over the tiny pale green coloured bag she’d been hiding.

“Mattie you didn’t have to buy a present! I know what being on a student budget is like…” Rachel reprimanded, her heart jumping excitedly as she peeked into the bag and pulled out the tissue paper covered gift; it was the first present she’d received for the baby.

“Don’t be silly, it’s a special occasion” Matilda waved off, studying Rachel’s expression and crossing her fingers tightly, hoping that she would like it. She watched Rachel’s smirk gradually drop as she pulled out the tiny babygro and her hands began to shake; whilst her gaze never left it. Tears started to stream down her cheeks against Rachel’s will and unexpectedly to Matilda, she began to sob.

“I’m so sorry” Matilda apologised, her cheeks brightening red as she immediately regretted buying it. “Ric told me that I shouldn’t give it to you, I’m really sorry I never meant to upset you.”

“No” Rachel choked, “don’t apologise. It’s perfect.” Rachel breathed deeply in a desperate attempt to calm her tears; she hadn’t expected to react so much but just seeing the words etched in pale green on the miniscule bodysuit instantly broke her heart; I love my Daddy x

“It was too much, I understand. I’ll take it back and get something else” Matilda rambled, desperate to make up for upsetting Rachel so much.

“I don’t want you to take it back” Rachel smiled, wiping the remaining tears away. “You don’t understand this is exactly what I want; for Tony not to be forgotten about.” She ran her thumb gently over the soft fabric and closed her eyes briefly, trying to imagine her tiny baby wearing it. “I don’t want people to think they can’t talk about him around me” she cried, “and I want the baby to grow up feeling like it knew its Daddy. I’m going to do whatever I can, talk about him, show pictures of him and I’m going to keep Tony’s voicemail message on his phone so that when it’s older, they’ll know what he sounded like. Just because Tony’s not alive, it doesn’t mean that he’s not this baby’s Daddy because he is. He’s always going to be.”

**************

Matilda closed the front door behind her and knocked gently on Lucas’s bedroom door; having been informed that he was in there by Rachel. After she’d finally finished crying she explained how she’d hardly seen Lucas for the past few weeks; he’d locked himself in his bedroom and refused to come out.

“Luc, it’s me, Mattie. Can I come in please?” After receiving no response she let herself in and frowned sadly when she saw him tucked up in bed, the duvet wrapped around his head. “Wakey wakey rise and shine” she sang, pulling the covers off of him and giggling when he jumped up, his fists clenched out in front of him. “Oh Luc, you should see your face it’s hilarious” she gasped, struggling to control the laughter bubbling inside her.

“Give me back my cover” he snarled when the sleep filled confusion cleared and he dug his face back into his pillow. “Just leave me alone.”

“Luc” Matilda soothed, her smile fading when she realised how broken he actually was. “Will you please talk to me” she cried, her voice cracking as she sat on the side of his bed and pulled the cover down to reveal his face. “I’m going back to Uni tomorrow and I can’t leave you like this, I care about you too much.”

“I’m fine” he mumbled, his voice muffled in his pillow.

“No you’re not, you’re not fine” she insisted, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. “It’s two o clock in the afternoon Lucas and you’re sleeping; you’re hiding yourself away from the world, you’re not talking to anyone. We all care about you so much and seeing you like this really hurts. Luc, you need to speak to someone, just talk about how you’re feeling.”

“I lost my Dad Matilda” Lucas yelled, his eyes bloodshot with a combination of tears and frustration.

“And I know what that feels like, I lost my Mum to remember?”

“Except your Mum loved you Tilly, your Mum thought the world of you.” Matilda’s mouth opened in shock and she stuttered, trying to reply.

“Your Dad loved you to Luc, so much. How could you think he didn’t?”

“You don’t understand” he sighed, turning his head away from her so that his back was turned.

“Luc, if your Dad didn’t love you then why did he keep that piece of paper you signed so that he’d have the first autograph when you published your book?” She paused and waited for a response but received nothing. “And Rachel said that he kept everything in your room how you left it hoping that you’d move back in once you finished Uni. A Dad who doesn’t love their son wouldn’t do that. He was so proud of you.”

“Matilda just stop talking” he shouted; “and just leave me alone please. I want to be alone.” His pleading struck a cord with Mattie and she sighed heavily, angry with herself that she couldn’t break him out of this deep depression. She wanted to hit him and get him to wake up to himself, to make him realise how much Tony did love him.

But if he wouldn’t let her talk to him then how was she supposed to do that she asked herself.

“Luc I’m going back to Uni in the morning…”

“Good luck with the exam” he mumbled, pulling the duvet back over his head. Matilda stared at him; a feeling of sadness washing over her before she stood up and left his room. As she closed the door gently it suddenly dawned on her that he’d remembered she had an exam; she hadn’t told him about it so he must have overheard her talking to the others in the week; she hadn’t realised he was listening and thought he was ignoring them. A slight glimmer of hope presented itself to Matilda and she prayed that if he was listening then, he would have taken in what she just told him. She wished desperately that she could stay and help him through this but she knew there was no way her University would allow her to miss the exam; it would result her failing her degree and she just couldn’t afford to do it. All she could do was hope that he would deal with it in his own time and know she was there to talk when he was ready.

Preview:

Leah tries to uncover the reason behind Elijah's strange mood.

Rachel makes a decision in an effort to move on

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Danni, Red Ranger, Carina (thank you, much quicker ) Barbara, Hannah (thank you for commenting, I love seeing new comments ) and Kirsty. Phew, wow that's a nice long list thank you everyone

“I think I’ve got enough food and I said to Charlie and Angelo that we’ll fire the Barbie up about six, is that okay with you?” Leah rambled as she walked along the beach with her hand tucked in Elijah’s. “Hey you okay?” She turned to look at him when he didn’t reply and found him staring at the sandy floor; seemingly totally ignoring her.

“Elijah” she prodded, stopping herself in her tracks and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder as he slowly looked up at her. “You’ve been quiet for weeks now and I know you say that nothing’s wrong but I don’t believe you. I know you better than that. Talk to me.”

Elijah closed his eyes disappointedly; he’d been trying to put off having this conversation with her for weeks. He knew she would only try and change his mind but it was something that he felt he needed to. “I’ve decided to leave the Church” he blurted out, realising that it was best to just be honest. “And before you say anything, I’ve been thinking about it for a while and it’s the right thing to do; I’ve made my decision so don’t try and change my mind.” Avoiding her gaze because he was afraid of her reaction he continued to walk along the beach, releasing his grip on her hand.

“What” he heard her shriek and he winced as he heard her feet padding towards him. “Are you crazy, where has this come from? I don’t understand, you love being a priest”

“Not anymore I don’t” he sighed, rubbing his forehead as he felt a headache beginning to form. “I’ve changed my mind.”

“No you haven’t” Leah snapped, her voice high pitched and tense. “Putting on a dress and then finding a better one in the wardrobe is changing your mind Elijah. You don’t just go off of being a priest. What are you saying; you don’t believe in God anymore? You don’t want to go to Church what is it?” She was struggling to understand his shocking revelation and couldn’t help but think there was more to it than what he was saying.

“I still believe in God of course I do” Elijah insisted; “I just don’t want to advise people anymore Leah. It’s too much responsibility; it can cause too much damage.”

“I don’t understand” Leah rambled quickly, her brow creased in confusion. “You’ve been doing this for years Elijah, it’s part of you, the responsibility’s never been an issue before. Think of all the people you’ve helped get their lives back on track…”

“Like Rachel you mean” he screamed; the truth angrily being revealed as the pressure became too much. “I really helped her didn’t I Leah. She nearly killed herself because of what I said to her…”

“Elijah” Leah gasped. Everything began to make sense; why he hadn’t wanted to visit Rachel in hospital, why he’d started to withdraw and she noticed him slipping off to the Church a lot more regularly since what had happened. “You can’t blame yourself…”

“See this is what I didn’t want” Elijah interrupted, his finger pointing angrily at her. “I don’t want you lying to me Leah and pretending that none of this is my fault just to make me feel better.”

“I’m not lying, that’s not what I’m doing…” Leah tried everything she could to convince Elijah that he wasn’t to blame but it was no use; he’d already left. Her heart broke as it suddenly dawned on her how much he was hurting; how much pressure he was putting on himself for something that was completely out of his control.

“Everything okay?” Rachel asked coyly as she approached Leah from behind, having witnessed Elijah running off.

“Erm, yer, he’s just, he’s had a long day” Leah smiled forcefully. More than anything she wanted to talk to her best friend and have her advise her of how to handle the situation best like she had done so many times in the past. But she couldn’t talk to Rachel, not about this; what if she blamed herself? It would be a vicious circle Leah thought and she didn’t want to ruin things for her friend when she was seemingly beginning to make progress in her grief.

“So how are you?” Leah added as her and Rachel began walking along the sea shore.

“Good I think” Rachel smiled slightly, “I’ve actually accepted a trial position in a Neurology ward in the City” she admitted hesitantly, wondering what her friend’s reaction was going to be. She still wasn’t sure herself whether it was the right thing for her to do but what she did know was that with a baby on the way she desperately needed money yet she couldn’t bear the thought of going back to Northern Districts. There were just too many memories there of when she’d been with Tony, too many colleagues that she’d discussed wedding plans with and she didn’t feel like she was ready to confront them again; to witness their sympathetic smiles.

“Wow really?” Leah gasped. “That’s a bit of a change in specialism and the City is a long way, are you going to travel every day?”

“To begin with yes and if they offer me a permanent position and I enjoy it then I’m thinking about maybe moving closer. I need to move out of soon anyway so that Lucas and Jack can have their share of the property so when this opportunity came up I thought I’d be silly not to take it” Rachel explained, pleased that her best friend hadn’t been too negative about it; more than anything she needed someone to convince her it was the right thing to do.

“Well I’m happy for you” Leah smiled doubtfully, “as long as you’re doing this for the right reasons? I mean if it’s just because you need somewhere to stay you know you’re welcome to live with me for as long as you need…”

“That’s sweet thank you but no it’s not just because of that” Rachel admitted, touched at her friend’s generosity. “They’re doing a trial of a new medication at this hospital and it looks amazing, I’m actually really excited to be part of it which is…well it’s a nice feeling to have.”

“That’s great” Leah beamed until a thought suddenly dawned on her. “Wait, what happens if you do like it? You’ll move to the City and forget all about me.”

“Of course I’m not going to forget about you” Rachel gasped, squeezing her friend’s shoulder. “We’ve both been through university separately and still remained best friends, you can come up and visit anytime you want; they have some fabulous shops there” Rachel rambled, knowing that she was trying to convince herself more than anything. She had to be honest, she hadn’t really even considered what moving away from Leah would be like; she was just so desperate to find a job that she’d taken it the second it was offered to her. But losing Tony had taught her that she couldn’t think into the future anymore, she had to just take each day at a time. For now, her main priority was finding a stable job which didn’t have memories of Tony and build up enough time before the baby was born to enable her to be entitled to maternity leave.

“Well I will only let you move out if you promise me that I get the first offer of any babysitting opportunities” Leah begged, crossing her fingers tightly as she put on a brave face for her friend.

“Are you kidding me?” Rachel shrieked; “of course you will have first refusal” she joked.

“Good” Leah smiled, clapping her hands in excitement. “Now I’m having a little barbecue tonight so I hope you’ll be there?”

“I’m not sure” Rachel hesitated; “I’d love to I would but, I don’t like leaving Lucas on his own he’s still not coping well. I’ll see what he’s doing he might be going to Mattie’s little farewell party so if he is then I will come. Anyway I better get moving, I’ll give you a call later.”

“Okay bye” Leah called, laughing at Rachel’s rambled speech until she remembered the situation she’d had with Elijah earlier. What am I going to do about you Leah whispered under her breath; wondering how she was going to get through to him before he did something drastic that she knew he would later regret.

***********

Lucas kicked a pebble along the stony track he was walking along; his heart thudding so hard against his chest that he swore he could hear it. His mouth had dried out completely and so he swallowed hard, taking deep breaths in order to control his nerves. Straight along until you get to the tap and then turn left; it’s just right of the large oak tree Lucas repeated in his mind; remembering the directions Jack had given him. As he turned away from the path onto a grassy area he scanned the names in front of him hesitantly, wondering whether this was a good idea. He hadn’t planned on it at all but it was something Matilda said that caused a change in him that he couldn’t describe; a sudden curiosity and empowering wish to see him. Anthony Holden. It took all of Lucas’s strength not to turn and run the second he read the name that he was looking for and he felt his heart stop beating just for a second. Tears stung at his eyes as the realisation that his Dad was gone became even clearer and he felt his shoulders shaking with immense sadness. Why he whispered running his fingers through his hair; why did you do this to me. I hate you he shouted as the sadness subsided and the strong albeit familiar emotion of raw anger ravaged his body. He dropped to his knees and began pounding his fists against the headstone, ignoring the cuts which were forming on his knuckles and causing blood to trickle slowly down the granite frame.

How could you leave me; you promised you wouldn’t Lucas screamed; I love you, I need you, why aren’t you here? The sound of Lucas’s frantic sobbing echoed all around the cemetery and he gasped for breath, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he dragged his fingers through the damp soil. If he had his way he would have continued pounding the headstone until it cracked and crumbled in front of him but he just couldn’t do it; intense fatigue rushed through his body and the grief overwhelmed him so much that he hung his head and arms, only having the energy to cry.

He stayed that way until his throat; hoarse from crying, began to make no noise and he opened his eyes blearily, wiping the tears away. He ran his fingers along the words etched into the headstone; Loving son, father and fiancé; forever in our hearts. Maybe to one of your sons you were Lucas bitterly spat before turning his attention to the photograph attached to the right hand corner of the headstone. It was the ultrasound picture of Rachel’s baby and having seen it for the first time, Lucas suddenly felt a deep connection with the unborn child. He wondered whether it would grow up feeling exactly the way he did, like its father had abandoned it, unloved by the man who was meant to make you feel like the most important person in the world. I’ll never forgive you Dad Lucas whispered; seething as he pulled the box of soil Rachel had given him from his pocket and threw it forcefully at the headstone, watching the dirt splay over his name. He looked bitterly at it one last time and walked away, vowing never to come back again.

**************

“You really didn’t need to come all the way up here with me” Rachel insisted as she gasped in shock at the size of the main entrance. Compared to Northern Districts this was a palace and she wondered how she was ever going to find her way around. The sheer dominance of the hospital suddenly caused her nerves to come flooding back and she struggled to imagine herself ever working here in a high flying busy city unit; she was much more used to the smaller, coastal towns.

“Dad would have wanted me to make sure you got here safely on your first day” Jack smiled nostalgically, stretching his arms from the ache that the long bus journey had inflicted upon him.

“Plus my lovely husband here has promised to buy me a new pair of shoes; I can’t wait to try out the shops” Martha shrieked excitedly, wrapping her arms around Jack.

“You do know I’m going to be doing an eight hour shift today don’t you?” Rachel asked tentatively.

“Of course, we’ll go and have a look around the shops then have some lunch, maybe do the tourist thing; just let us know when you’re finished and we’ll meet you.” Jack assured, smiling confidently at her. He could see that she had a look of total bewilderment and deep down the real reason he’d insisted on accompanying her was because he wasn’t one hundred percent sure that she was ready to come back to work. “Do you know where you’re going?” he added, watching her scan the notice board in front of them.

“Erm” Rachel hummed, looking desperately for the Neurology ward. Her heart skipped a beat as she spotted it and realised it was only down the corridor from where she was standing. “I’m not sure about this” she admitted, feeling angry at herself as tears began to well up in her eyes.

“You’ll be fine” Martha assured, “go show them what Doctor Armstrong can do”

“And if you need anything or feel like you can’t cope then it’s okay. Just call us and we’ll come and get you straight away alright” Jack soothed; his response less positive than his wife’s.

“I will; thank you” Rachel breathed, avoiding giving them hugs in case it made her cry even more. She waved briefly and headed towards the ward which was about to become her new workplace. “You can do this” she repeated over and over, encouraging herself as her legs began shaking and a wave of sickness passed over her. “Not now sweetheart, I can’t be sick now” she muttered to the baby; her pace slowing down as she tried to swallow the nauseous feeling away.”Here goes.”

Preview:

Rachel gets an offer too good to refuse at work - but then finds herself unable to cope.

Angelo is up to something

[charmed60]

Thank you Carina, Danni, Kirsty and Red Ranger. Your faithfulness makes me happy Hope you enjoy the next chapter

“I’m Mr Wallis, it’s lovely to meet you” the smartly dressed Neurologist greeted as he towered above Rachel and shook her hand confidently.

“Doctor Armstrong” Rachel smiled back politely, her nerves subsiding slighty; he seems nice she breathed silently, sighing with relief.

“It’s a bit intimidating isn’t it?” he chuckled; noticing her wide eyes and stunned look.

“Just a bit” she replied back nervously; “the last hospital I worked at could probably have fit into just this ward; it’s incredible.”

“You’ll get used to it soon enough” the doctor assured. “Have you heard about the new trial we’re conducting here with coma patients” he enquired, browsing briefly through the file he was clutching tightly in his hand.

“I have yes, I’ve been reading a lot about it; I think it’s a really exciting development. Fingers crossed it will be successful on the longer term patients” she mused excitedly, desperate to impress her new colleague with the research she’d been doing.

“I’m glad to hear it” he smiled, placing his pen in the front of his shirt pocket. “We’ve actually got a patient in at the moment that were preparing for the trial. I know you were supposed to be working with Doctor Adams today but how would you feel about assisting me with it?”

Rachel stared back incredulously at him; unsure if she’d heard correctly. “Wha…you want me to help you with the trial is that, is that what you’re saying?” she rambled, her cheeks blushing red with embarrassment at her unprofessional display of emotion.

“If you’re interested?” he answered, amused at her reaction.

“Absolutely” she swiftly replied. “Thank you.” Rachel smiled as Mr Wallis instructed her to follow him and desperately tried to wipe the goofy smile off of her face. All the nerves from earlier had quickly vanished and she now couldn’t wait to get started; what an honour that he would ask her she squealed, hoping the Doctor didn’t hear her. A brief glance up at him assured her that he didn’t and so she concentrated on remembering everything she’d read about the infamous trial. She walked towards a set of double doors and gasped in shock as two other doctor’s held them open for her; the staff seemed so friendly here, it was so different to what she was used to. I think I’ m going to be happy here Rachel smiled deliriously to herself. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea.

*************

Angelo tapped away swiftly on his computer keyboard, glancing nervously at the screen as he considered the implications of every single word he was writing. He knew he shouldn’t be doing it, he knew it was morally wrong but it was too late to feel guilty about it now. He looked tentatively around him to make sure no-one was looking and unlocked the drawer under his desk to which he was the only one with the key to it. Pulling out a manilla folder he continued to survey the area before opening it carefully, ensuring none of the scrap pieces of paper fell out. Angelo ran his finger down the list of information jotted in note form on the plain piece of paper and inputted the date he’d found into the computer before also including the time of official identification. 3.30pm. He breathed deeply, trying not to consider the implications of what he was doing; the consequences were far too frightening for him to think about. Scrolling down to the bottom of the page he inputted his name as a way of digitally signing to confirm the information was correct before also including Charlie’s. She’d never know; it would never be investigated. Everything would be fine.

*************

“So, just to confirm that I’ve read this correctly” Rachel began, keen to ensure she was on the right track; “the Moxillibol is given intravenously, is that right?”

“Yes that’s correct” Mr Wallis confirmed as he lead Rachel through the bustled corridor, dodging the various stretchers and medical professionals getting in his path way.

“They did a trial using an Intramuscular version of the medication but it appeared to cause cardiac implications. The idea is that by giving it intravenously, we will be able to control the dose and stop the trial at anytime should we assume that there could be contraindications.”

“And it’s only ever been used on short term coma patients, this one were about to do now is the first one on a longer term patient in this country?” Rachel questioned; suddenly feeling very nervous that she was about to be involved in such a significant trial.

“Try the world” Doctor Wallis corrected. “There have been similar trials carried out in other parts of the world but we’re the first ones to use the higher dose of Moxillibol on patients who’ve been in a coma for longer than three months.”

“Wow” Rachel gasped; the trial was even more prestigious than she’d first thought. “And the family have given their consent?” Rachel assumed.

“Unfortunately this patient has no family to consult so the consent has been given by the social services.”

“That’s sad” Rachel replied, “to have no family at all.” A pang of grief ran through her as she realised that her situation wasn’t actually that far off of the patient she was about to treat. Okay so she had a brother but he wasn’t around much and she also had a Dad who was never around. The only real family she had was the one she’d created with Tony and yet with him gone…Rachel fought back tears which she’d spent all of last night praying wouldn’t appear. It was then that Rachel felt encouraged even more to make sure this trial was successful and do everything she could to give this patient their life back.

“Okay so before we go in, I’ll give you a brief detail of what we’re dealing with” Mr Wallis mumbled, his head still firmly focused on the file he was clutching in his hand. “He is a male patient, age predicted to be late thirties early fourties, height 5”9, appears to be in good health apart from the obvious” he chuckled; a joke which Rachel didn’t actually find that funny. “Erm” Mr Wallis continued, tracing his way down the notes he had in front of him; “he suffered a significant cerebral contusion and his blood pressure has been consistent while he’s been with us which is part of the reason we selected him as an ideal candidate for the trial.”

“How did it happen?” Rachel interrupted. She knew the medical details were important to know but she never liked looking at her patients as just a medical client; she wanted to know the person beneath the illness, beneath the injury.”

“It’s written here somewhere” Mr Wallis replied, shuffling the pages. Rachel was actually quite surprised that he didn’t know already; for a doctor who was supposed to be the lead consultant in charge of his care he wasn’t doing a very good job. Her opinion of him was beginning to change but she reminded herself that in fast paced city hospitals; holistic patient care wasn’t as easy to do due to time restraints. “Ah here it is; he was involved in an explosion” Mr Wallis answered; which caught Rachel’s attention immediately. “It says here that he wasn’t believed to have been inside the building when it happened but that a piece of debris must have caught him and caused the cerebral injury.” He looked up from his file towards his new colleague and found her to be shaking, her face pale and withdrawn with what appeared to be a sudden state of shock. “Dr Armstrong are you okay?”

“I….was…” Rachel attempted to talk but the shock of what she’d just heard had caused a reaction she wasn’t expecting. The similarities of what had happened to Tony were striking and she found that she was having difficulty breathing. Her palms became instantly sweaty and she could feel tears causing an intense pressure in her head. “Did it, erm…did it happen, here, locally I mean” she spluttered, breathing deeply in order to try and catch her breath.

“I don’t think so” he answered; once again consulting his notes. “I’m of the understanding that he was transferred here around fourteen weeks ago as his local hospital were unable to offer the specialised care his condition required.”

Rachel choked back a barrage of sobs and felt an intense need for some fresh air. Without looking back and ignoring the angry calls from Mr Wallis she turned around and ran as fast as she could; her heels scrapping loudly on the shiny floor. Desperately looking around for the exit, she pushed angrily at every door she could find, hoping it would lead her out of the ward. “Where is the exit” she screamed, not caring that she was appearing insane to the people around her. She could hear whispers around her; “is she a patient,” “alert security” and so pushed through the crowd, figuring it was probably likely that the exit would be in the opposite direction to the way people were travelling. A rush of nausea ran through her and the room began to spin as she started hyperventilating; panic gripping her body. She burst through the door and stumbled as she bumped into a group of medical students milling around outside. She tried apologising but found that she couldn’t talk and dizziness and panic washed over her even more as she was crushed by the hundreds of people rushing in different directions.

She saw a door ahead of her with a green exit sign above it but try as she might she couldn’t push past the people in her way and it caused her breathing to become even more erratic. As she finally reached the door she frowned when she was faced with flights of stone stairs. Rachel began running down them, taking two sometimes three at a time in a desperate attempt to get some fresh air. However after only one flight she found that her legs couldn’t carry her any longer and she collapsed in a heap to the floor, clutching the stair rail tightly whilst finally allowing herself to cry.

Preview:

Elijah hands in his resignation to the Bishop

Will Rachel be able to continue working?

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Carina, Danni, crazylazy (thank you for your lovely comment) Red Ranger, Barbara and Kirsty. It's really interesting to see how you're all reading this differently, it gives me ideas Enjoy the next chapter

“Thank you for meeting me” Elijah smiled weakly, shaking the hand of Bishop Pitt. He’d once loathed this guy, thought him totally incapable of human emotion and compassion; something he thought every religious clergyman needed. However since Elijah had experience his softer side; gotten through to the harsh exterior the Bishop put around himself; he found that he had a great deal of respect for him and felt comforted by his matter of fact honesty.

“I’ve always got time for you Elijah, how can I help?” the Bishop sincerely replied, taking a seat next to him in the middle of the Pew.

“I would like to step down as Reverend” Elijah blurted out, deciding it was easier to say it straight away rather than sugar coat it with a ton of excuses. He didn’t even look up as he awaited the Bishop’s response; however the sound of his drawn out breath in alerted Elijah to the fact that he wasn’t best pleased.

“This is most unexpected” he muttered, his tone littered with a sense of disappointment.

“It’s something I’ve been considering for a while now and trust me, it’s not a decision I’ve taken lightly.” Elijah slowly moved his head up to look at his companion when his breath was taken away from him. The interior of the Church caught his eye, the stained glass windows in all their splendour and the beauty of the atmosphere which filled the Church he’d come to know as his home. He felt a wave of regret pass over him, of sadness and he could have sworn that he felt the Spirit of God with him. He always did when he stepped into the building but today, in his darkest and most troublesome time; he felt it even stronger.

“Elijah remember the teachings…”

“I haven’t lost my faith Bishop, I still believe and trust in God very much. It’s my role as a Reverend that I’ve lost confidence with and I don’t trust myself to have the honour of that role anymore.” Elijah was bitter in his response, too angry perhaps. He didn’t need someone to doubt his decision; Leah had been doing that perfectly fine for the past few days since she’d found out. He just needed someone to tell him that it was okay and that there would be something else he could do that would fulfil him just as much.

“Has something happened?” the Bishop tentatively questioned, causing a loud exasperated sigh to emerge from Elijah’s lips.

“There was an incident okay. And I don’t like to talk about it. All I can say is that because of me, one woman tried to take her own life and nearly the life of her unborn

child. The burden is just too great to bear Bishop, can’t you see that I cannot be trusted?”

“Elijah…people who are set in the ways of their decisions will do things whatever anybody else tells them. God put you in that woman’s life for a reason and whilst you may think you led to her nearly losing her life, has it occurred to you that your presence might have led to her keeping her life to?”

Elijah pondered on the thought for a moment, trying desperately to see some truth in the Bishops response. He wanted to believe more than anything that he wasn’t responsible for what had happened to Rachel but he just couldn’t see any other explanation. He was the last person she’d spoken to before she’d made that decision to end her life, it had to be what he’d said that made her do it he thought.

“Sometimes things don’t happen the way we expect” Bishop Pitt continued, his hands clasped firmly in front of him, “but God works in mysterious ways and perhaps this woman you speak about needed to do what she did in order to move on. Perhaps she had to hit rock bottom before she could get back on her feet again. I’d like you to speak to her Elijah, help her through this difficult time; guiding people is part of you, you have a gift. And unless God tells me that he has a different plan for you, I wont accept your resignation. And trust me he’s shouting in my ear right now not to let you off that easily.”

Elijah chuckled, his heart lifting with a sense of relief, something that surprised him. He’d been sure that leaving the Church was what he wanted but now that he was being denied that he actually felt happy about it.

***********

“I’m so sorry” Rachel apologised profusely, tears still streaming down her face as Mr Wallis approached her from behind, booming her name. “This is really unprofessional of me I know.”

“I’d like an explanation” he muttered unsympathetically as he sat down heavily beside her on the steps and removed his stethoscope from around his neck.

“My fiancé” Rachel whispered, a deep pain setting in her chest at the thought of having to explain what had happened to the man she loved, still loved. “He was killed…less than four months ago” she choked; “that man, it was so similar, what happened to him. Just hearing what you were saying it was like, like I was reliving it again. I just couldn’t breathe and…”

“I’m sorry” Mr Wallis apologised sincerely, “you must be going through a very difficult time right now.”

“It’s hard” Rachel nodded, “but I’m getting there, one day at a time.”

Mr Wallis held his breath, afraid of what her reaction would be to the words he was about to say. “Perhaps now is not the right time to come back to work.”

“What?” Rachel gasped, looking him directly in the eye, pleading with him not to do this.

“You’re obviously finding it difficult to cope and…”

“No” Rachel breathed, “I know how I reacted was wrong but it was just the shock of the situation. I promise you it won’t happen again.” She felt her heart rate fasten with fear; less than an hour ago she felt positive about her future at this hospital and now she was being told that she had to leave. “Please, don’t do this…”

“I don’t want to” Mr Wallis insisted; his eyes filled with a genuine empathy, “but Dr Armstrong we have many patients admitted to our ward with cerebral injuries and I think it’s only going to cause you too much trauma right now. I’d be happy to have you back in a few months, when you feel like you’re ready to come back to work.”

“I am ready” Rachel shrieked, failing miserably at keeping control of her emotions. “It was one mistake, it wont happen again. I’ve been so nervous about starting today and that mixed with the shock…look please, just give me one more chance.” She watched as Mr Wallis turned away and looked down at the stethoscope in his hand. “I need this job, I want this job so much. Getting back to work, doing what I love is what is going to get me through this. I wont let you down again I swear.”

Rachel held her breath and winced as time seemed to stand still. She could practically hear her heart pounding in her ears and was praying under her breath that he would give her another chance.

“The trial will go ahead at 2pm this afternoon. The patient needs to be prepped. If there is any sign that your current circumstance is affecting your work as a doctor…”

“It wont I promise” Rachel breathed, smiling through her tear filled eyes.

“Let’s get back to work then” he encouraged as he jumped to his feet and turned back towards the door, swinging his stethoscope cheerfully around his neck.

“Thank you, thank you so much” Rachel called after him, pulling herself to her feet and wiping her cheeks furiously. She hoped that she didn’t look too awful and wished she could pop into the toilets to sort herself out but after her mini meltdown just now, she didn’t think he would take too kindly to her being late. Pull yourself together Rachel she muttered to herself before quickening her pace in an effort to catch up with him.

Preview:

Will Rachel be able to maintain her professionalism and make the trial a success?

Charlie celebrates her engagement with Aden and Belle but Angelo is acting suspiciously.

[charmed60]

Thank you so much all! It was tempting to change the Doc's name but then I didn't want to just incase I missed one I hope you enjoy this chapter!

“You’re cooking” Charlie gasped as she walked in through the door after a long shift at work to find Angelo with a spatula in his hand.

“You sound surprised” Angelo replied, dramatically feigning insult.

“Well you do only cook on days that don’t end with a y” Charlie teased, wrapping her arms around his waist. “It smells delicious, what’s the special occasion?”

“Surprise” Charlie heard a voice scream behind her and she turned to find Aden and Belle beaming back at her from the doorway.

“Angelo told us your happy news, we’re so so pleased for you” Belle gushed excitedly, shrieking as she run up and gave Charlie a hug.

“Thanks.” Charlie forced herself to smile but in reality she was furious at Angelo; he’d promised not to tell anyone else, what if Rachel had found out?

“Thanks for coming guys” Angelo beamed; “take a seat, dinner won’t be long. Would you like some wi..” He was interrupted by the vibration of his phone in his back pocket and in a haste to make an exit, pretended he was going to the basement to fetch a bottle.

“So, when is this thing happening then?” Aden asked; trying to create conversation in a silence filled room.

“Aden it’s not a thing; it’s the most important moment of Charlie’s life” Belle lectured, tutting as she mouth ‘men’ to Charlie, as if he’d never understand the importance of a wedding.

“We haven’t set a date yet” Charlie smiled. Despite her earlier reservations she had to admit that it was making her more excited, being able to share her news with her friends. She’d been finding it really difficult to plan anything for the day when she was having to keep it secret and if she was being honest; it was making her not even want to bother doing it. She turned towards the hob when she heard the pot fizzling and began to stir it carefully, frowning when she noticed Angelo had missed a key ingredient.

“Do you think he’ll be upset if I make a few changes to his recipe?” Charlie grinned, hoping that she wouldn’t offend her fiancé.

“I’m saying nothing” Aden replied, holding his hands up in an effort not to get involved.

“Thanks for your help chicken” Charlie sarcastically replied as she moved towards the fridge and searched the shelves for what she was looking for. Her attention was turned towards the inside door and it was then that she noticed three bottles of chilled white wine, waiting to be opened.

“Everything okay Charlie?” Belle whispered as she snuck up behind her friend and caused her to jump.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” she assured.

“Are you having doubts about the wedding?” Belle questioned, her eyebrow creased in confusion.

“No, not at all” Charlie promised, her heart thudding as she tried to understand what her fiancé was doing. “I’m just going to give Angelo a hand” she explained, trying to

manoeuvre around Belle.

“No need, I’m back” he grinned, panting as he jogged into the room, empty handed.

“Where’s the wine” Charlie questioned, her hands folded tightly in front of her.

“Oh, I forgot about that” Angelo chuckled, sweat forming on his forehead. “I got a call from work just wanting to confirm I was erm…going to be in tomorrow” he stuttered, wiping his hands down his jeans. “I’ll go and get some now…”

“There’s no need” Charlie bitterly replied; “there’s three bottles in the fridge.” She faked a smile at Aden and Belle but eyed Angelo suspiciously as he moved towards the fridge, taking deep breaths. Something was going on and she didn’t like it; she hated being left in the dark; too many secrets had been kept in her family as she wasn’t going to let that happen with her new one. Whatever it was going on, she would find out.

***************

“Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” Mr Wallis tentatively asked as he stopped in his tracks outside the patients door. “I can’t have you breaking down again.”

“No I wont, I’m okay now” Rachel nodded, a reassuring smile plastered on her face despite the uneasy feeling she felt inside. She breathed deeply as she followed him into the room, her heart pounding in her chest and she slowly lifted her head up, afraid of what her reaction would be.

“T, Ton..Tony” she spluttered, her body frozen in shock. It felt like all the cogs in her brain were working overtime and she blinked furiously, trying to understand what she was seeing right in front of her.

“Sorry did you say something?” Mr Wallis asked, his eye cautiously watching her.

"Tony" she whispered timidly again as the room began to spin around her. She stumbled towards the bed and stood shakily beside him. It was him, it was her Tony. But how? They'd told her he was gone, they’d buried him. She began to breathe heavily, things were happening too quickly and she couldn't process what was happening. Was this real? Was it really him? But how?

"Dr Armstrong" the doctor interrupted. "I thought we talked about this, if you're not going to be able to control yourself...."

"Tony" Rachel repeated, ignoring the voice she could hear echoing in the background. She reached out, slowly at first and touched his face, his stubble tickling her fingers.

She moved her hand slowly towards his eyebrow and a wave of something which she couldn't even describe rushed through her. A tiny scar etched just above his eye from an accident at work last year.

“It's really you" she screamed in a voice that frightened even her when she heard it. Tears began pouring down her face, so sudden and uncontrollably that she couldn't even see. She blinked furiously, desperate to get rid of them so she could see his face again, his arms, his body.

"Okay that's it" the doctor shouted out, rushing over to her and placing his hands either side of her arm, forcing her away.

"Noooo" she screamed, pulling herself away from his arms. She flung herself over Tony, gripping on tightly as familiar memories of him holding her flooded back. She

didn't even hear the shout for security as she moved further up his body and gripped her arm tightly around his shoulder, nestling her head into his neck.

He looked exactly the same apart from the bandage which was wrapped tightly around his head and the deep bruise embedded on his right eye. "Tony it's me, it's Rachel" she sobbed, cupping his face in her face. She began stroking his cheek with her thumb, whispering to him, just in case he could hear her. "You're going to be okay now, I'm here. Everything's going to be okay."

“Get her off of him” Mr Wallis shrieked, “take her into my office.” He shouted demands at the security team and watched as they dragged a distressed and shock stricken Rachel away, fighting her desperately as she tried to cling onto any object which would keep her in the room. “This is barbaric” he muttered under his breath, wiping the sweat from his brow as he heard his co-worker’s chilling cries echoing down the corridor. “John will you bleep psychiatry, tell them we’ve got a patient that needs reviewing urgently.”

Preview:

Mr Wallis tries to convince Rachel that the man she saw isn't Tony

Martha and Jack go shoe shopping

[charmed60]

Thank you so so much Red Ranger, Carina, Danni, Suzanne, freckleface and Kirsty. I hope you continue to enjoy

Rachel banged harshly against the door, ignoring the throbbing sensation which struck every time her fist made contact with the wooden frame. “Let me out” she screamed; “please.” She swallowed back tears and ran her fingers through her hair, pacing along the floor trying desperately to understand what she’d just seen. He was alive. Tony. He wasn’t dead after all, but how? They’d told her he was, they’d buried him; had they buried the wrong person? Or maybe that wasn’t really Tony, maybe it just looked like him. A wave of panic rushed through Rachel’s body and her hands began to shake as she considered the possibility that she might have made a mistake.

But then she remembered the scar; how Tony had come home with blood still trickling down his face and she’d tenderly cleaned it up for him. She could vividly recall him telling her how proud he was that he had his own personal Doctor at home and that if she was this nice to him then he’d make attempts to get hurt more often. She chuckled lightly to herself as Mr Wallis came storming through the door, his eyebrow raising in suspicion at her happy expression.

“How are you feeling now” he whispered unsympathetically, perching on the edge of his table and looking down at Rachel as she sank into a nearby chair, the shock taking its toll on her.

“Like a caged animal” she sarcastically replied.

“Maybe you should explain to me what that was all about. You gave me your word that it wouldn’t happen again…”

“That was before I realised that my fiancé who I thought was dead and buried three months ago was actually lying in front of me” Rachel sobbed, “it’s him, it’s really him, God I need to call Jack” she muttered to herself as she stood up swiftly and ran towards the phone placed in Mr Wallis’s desk.

“Sit down Dr Armstrong” Mr Wallis bellowed as his hand covered the phone and his voice became harsh and authoritative. Rachel stopped in her tracks and looked up at him afraid, the distress evident on her face.

“Please let me just call him, it’s Tony son, he deserves…to know…his Dad.” She took deep breaths as her sobbing overwhelmed her and felt Mr Wallis’s arm guide her into a chair behind her. “I don’t understand…”

“Listen” he soothed, his voice suddenly taking a compassionate and empathetic tone. “Sometimes when we lose somebody it’s difficult to accept that they’re gone. We don’t want to imagine our life without them and so we force ourselves to believe that they’re still here, just so we don’t have to feel the pain anymore.” He paused for a moment, allowing what he was saying to sink in. He knew he shouldn’t be getting involved; he was a Neurologist not a Psychiatrist. But he could see how distressed she was, how fragile and he didn’t think it was fair to let her go on believing her fiancé was still alive.

“I want to call Jack, please” Rachel whispered; desperate to deny everything he was saying to her. Mr Wallis nodded, deciding it was kinder to let her have someone be with her when the psychiatrist got there and left the room, allowing her some privacy.

*****************

“What do you think about these babe?” Martha questioned as she modelled a gorgeous pair of navy blue leather peep- toe heels with a delicate bow sewn on the heel.

“Erm…” Jack yawned as he forced his eyes to stay open and sound enthusiastic about what felt like the 700th pair of shoes his wife had tried on. “They’re nice, really nice, let’s get them…”

“No wait” Martha interrupted, forcing Jack to sit back down in his chair. “I’m still not sure between these and the last pair I tried on.”

“Honestly? They look the same to me” Jack sighed exasperatedly, massaging his temples lightly.

“They’re not the same Jack, the bows on these ones have a totally different design and they’re patent leather.” Martha rolled her eyes and scrunched up her face in thought as she put one of each on her feet and studied them intricately in the shop mirror.

“You’re right, my mistake; how could I not notice” he mocked, closing his eyes briefly before the sound of his phone ringing forced him to move.

“Rach hey, you got a lunch break already?” he joked; a cheeky smile appearing on his face before it dropped dramatically when he heard the sound of her crying. “Rach what’s wrong? What’s happened?” Jack stood up swiftly and moved out of the shop, his finger in his ear as he tried to hear what she was saying. “Calm down Rachel, I can’t understand what you’re saying, you’re making no sense. Who is alive?” Jack’s mind was working overtime; he could hear the panic in her voice but despite her attempts to talk all that was coming out was anguished sobs.

“Jack what’s going on” Martha asked as she followed Jack outside, her shopping bags tightly clutched in her hand.

“Rach we’ll be there in ten okay just stay calm. Everything’s going to be okay.” He put the phone down and grabbed Martha’s hand, racing towards the car without saying a word. He’d known all along it was too soon for her to go back to work, he should have stopped her. She was making improvements, moving on and now it sounded like she was right back where she started.

***************

“She’s convinced one of our patients is her dead fiancé” Mr Wallis informed Jack outside of his office where Rachel was still being kept in. “She told me about the difficulty she’s been having in dealing with his death; I believe she’s experiencing a psychotic episode as a result of a mental breakdown. I’ve spoken to one of our psychiatrists and they’re going to review her later this afternoon but they’re rushed off their feet. Just to warn you, they’ll probably want to keep her in…”

“Hang on a second” Jack spluttered, his hand held out in front of him. “You’re going to section her is that what you’re saying?” He couldn’t believe what was happening and desperately wanted to speak to her, he was sure this was all just a big misunderstanding.

“I’m sorry Mr Holden but it will be in her best interest and of those around her. She needs help, I’m just surprised her counsellor ever signed a letter allowing her to return to work.”

“No you know what I’m the one whose sorry” Jack shouted, his anger palpable. “I will not allow you to section her, that’s crazy. Just let me talk to her.”

“She’s through here” Mr Wallis directed, trying his best not to let his frustration show. He was meant to be dedicating this whole day to starting the trial, the thing he’d been working on for years. He’d dedicated his life to it and had been so excited to finally see it being put into practice that this interruption was the last thing he wanted.

“Rach” Jack sighed sadly when he saw the state of his friend, her tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes highlighting the pain and confusion she was feeling.

“He’s alive Jack. I don’t understand how but he is. I just want to go and see him again” she whispered, fresh tears trickling down her cheek.

“Rach, please don’t do this” Jack begged. More than anything he wanted to be able to believe her but the thought of it caused him to have so much hope despite the fact he knew it was completely impossible. He didn’t want to go through it all again; the aching, heartbreaking pain, that overwhelming feeling of loss and loneliness.

“It was him Jack. I know what he looks like…”

“Mr Wallis said that that man’s got a lot of bruising on his face; it’s an easy mistake” he soothed, crouching down in front of her. “Just think about what you’re saying, think logically. Angelo and Charlie said Dad was holding his wallet when they found his body.” Jack swallowed back bile as the images he’d tried so desperately to block came flooding back and made him gag.

Rachel froze; she’d forgotten about that detail. There was no way to explain how that could have happened; did that mean she really was going mad? Was that Doctor right? Had she imagined it all just because she so desperately wanted it to be true?

“I need to see him again” she choked. “It was him, I know it was. Why wont you believe me?” Rachel felt fresh hot tears streaming down her face and the stinging in her eyes was unbearable.

“Rach, I want to trust me I do but it’s not true, it’s impossible” Jack cried, his voice becoming angry. He just wanted Rachel to stop, he wanted her to quit putting these ideas in her head.

“It’s not impossible Jack I saw him with my own eyes” she insisted. “He’s got a bruise on his eye and a bit of a beard, will you shave it for him; he doesn’t like having…”

“Stop it Rachel” Jack screamed. “He’s dead, Dad’s dead. He’s not coming back, he’s not lying in hospital; we buried him. He’s gone.”

“He’s not” she screamed back, grabbing his shirt tightly with both of her fists. “Go and see him Jack, please, just go and look at him and you will see for yourself.”

“Okay you know what” Jack screamed, his voice hoarse. “I will, I will go and see him and I will prove to you that you’re wrong.” Jack jumped to his feet, anger consuming his entire body and demanded to know where he needed to be. Mr Wallis refused to let him go anywhere near his patients but Jack was adamant and grabbed Rachel’s wrist, ordering her to tell him where to go. Shocked and frightened at her friend’s sudden change in mood she ran from the room, her heart beating fast at the thought of seeing Tony again. She could hear Jack breathing fast over her shoulder and the sound of footsteps thudding along the corridor further behind.

“In there Jack” she pointed frantically as she heard the steps get closer and louder.

He couldn’t believe he was even playing this game with her but he didn’t know how else he could prove that his Dad was dead. Why did she have to make things so difficult he seethed to himself; just when he felt like he could be happy and have a life without his Dad in it she turned it all upset down. He was furious with her. He grabbed her wrist again and dragged her towards the door, pushing it open forcefully as he looked towards the patient lying on the bed. He could hear his heartbeat rapidly pumping in his ear and the sound of Rachel sobbing.

“I told you it was him” he heard her cry before dizziness overpowered him and everything went black.

Preview:

Lucas is offered a surprise gift by Alf

Jack deals with the aftermath

[charmed60]

Thank you all for your gorgeous comments freckleface, kitkat, Red Ranger, Carina, Danni and Kirsty. It's so lovely to see so many of you faithfully commenting every chapter and also to see new people reading it all the time I hope I don't disappoint, enjoy the next chapter

Jack groaned as he came to and instantly wondered why he was lying on the floor; a pillow wedged under his head. He looked around and saw Rachel sitting closely to the edge of a hospital bed, her hand gently stroking someone’s head and whilst it was difficult to tell, it looked like she was smiling. “Dad” Jack gasped as everything came flooding back to him and he jumped to his feet, ignoring the feelings of wooziness washing over him.

“Woah babe slow down” Martha soothed as she rushed forward and helped him to the side of the bed.

Jack tried to speak but couldn’t find the words; he could hear strange noises being muttered from his lips but he had no control over them and couldn’t stop. Rachel was right, it was him; his Dad was alive. He grabbed his hand tightly and looked up at Rachel, both of them beaming and crying, trying to understand how he was here.

“Where has the…erm…security gone” Jack finally managed to say, surprising himself that that was the first question to come to his mind.

“Martha came rushing in just as they tried to take me away again. I think they realised that three of us couldn’t be insane” Rachel giggled. She couldn’t describe what she was feeling right now, but seeing Tony made her realise how much pain she’d been carrying around with her ever since he’d died; or since they were told he’d died. She felt like an incredible weight had been lifted from her shoulders and her heart suddenly didn’t feel so crushed; she found that she could breathe easier and the deep pain in her chest wasn’t there anymore.

“I can’t believe it” Jack cried, “I don’t understand, Angelo said he saw him, he took his wallet out of his hand.”

“I don’t understand it either” Rachel admitted, “but that doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that he’s here.”

“Yeah” Jack smiled, nestling his head on Martha’s shoulder as they watched Tony’s rhythmic breathing. “Luc” Jack gasped, “I need to call Lucas, he needs to know.” He jumped up from his chair, kissing his Dad on the forehead and left the room, his hands shaking with excitement at the thought of breaking the news to his little brother.

“I’ll go and make sure he’s okay” Martha smiled, leaving Rachel alone in the room with Tony.

“Do you know how much trouble you’ve caused us?” she whispered, her hand gripping his tightly as if she was afraid that he would be ripped away from her at any second. The thought terrified her so much and it became so overwhelming that she climbed onto the bed next to him and lay her head down onto his chest, wrapping her arms around him. She could hear his heart beating and it comforted her, knowing that he was still fighting to come back to them. Tears rolled gently down her cheek and onto his chest and she breathed deeply, inhaling his smell which was no longer present on his pillow at home.

“You know if you asked me to marry you right here, right now, I’d say yes” she sobbed, the guilt at their last argument still engrained in her memory. “The flowers, the location, it doesn’t matter. You were right; as long as we’re together, that’s the most important thing.” She closed her eyes gently; the emotional toll of everything weighing heavily upon her as she listened to Tony’s gentle breathing. “Thank you for coming back to me” she muttered. “I love you.”

**************

“Hi Luc” Alf cheerily greeted as he watched Lucas stumble into the Surf Club; a downcast expression on his face.

“Hey Alf” he smiled sadly in reply, sitting on a stool at the bar. “Can I have a juice please?”

“Course you can mate.” Alf kept a cautious eye on the young man sitting on front of him and couldn’t hide his worry. “Listen, there’s actually something I’ve been wanting

to discuss with you” he started, hoping that his proposition would help him in some way work through his pain. “I’ve been looking for a new partner to help manage the club; there’s been a few offers but I’ve had to refuse them all because…well…because none of them come anywhere close to your old man.”

Lucas looked up slowly at Alf and felt a wash of pity for him; everyone had seemed to forget how close he was to his Dad. They weren’t just business partners but good friends to, even to the extent that Tony had asked him to be one of his groomsmen at his wedding.

“It got me thinking Luc and…I don’t think anyone’s ever gonna match up to your Dad. Except maybe you.”

“What are you trying to say” Lucas gasped, cringing slightly at the comparison made between them. They were nothing alike, he was obviously confusing him with his older brother.

“I’d like you to think about maybe running this bar with me. Obviously I don’t expect you to physically work here, you’re working your way up to be a famous author not a barman” Alf chuckled. “But maybe when you get some free time from your studies, you’d like to help out with the business side of things; helping with the books, giving fresh ideas to improve things around here. What do you think?”

Lucas tapped his fingers against the surface of the bar and looked plainly at Alf, considering whether to take his offer or not. The idea of extra money coming in to help him through his degree was certainly an attractive part of the offer but he wasn’t sure that he could face attempting to carry on something his Dad had created. He’d never be able to do as well as him, what if he messed things up? “What happens if I don’t, what about Dad’s side of the business.”

“Well I’d sell it to you of course, that’s what your Dad wanted” Alf admitted shyly, “but I’ve got to be honest with you mate; things aren’t doing too great here at the moment since your Dad…I just, I don’t think I could afford to pay out just yet…”

“Wait” Lucas interrupted, his attention still held on the first part of Alf’s conversation; “what makes you think he would have wanted me to take over the business, to have the money?”

“Because that’s why your Dad bought into this club in the first place” Alf revealed, his heart lifting as Lucas’s eyes widened with shock. “He wanted to invest in something so that he’d be able to help you through University, he wouldn’t have been able to support you otherwise.”

“I think you’re confusing me with Jack” Lucas stuttered, feeling his cheeks burn with guilt and humiliation.

“Jack’s already sorted mate, he’s married, got a decent job. Your Dad did this for you and you only.”

Lucas suddenly felt things begin to change, he suddenly didn’t know how he felt anymore but he didn’t have time to dwell on it as his phone began ringing, breaking him from his thoughts. With shaking hands he pulled it from pocket and held it up to his ear, clinging tightly onto the bar for support.

“Jack hey…woah, slow down, Jack… where are…Dad’s what?” Lucas began swallowing large mouthfuls of air, gasping for breath as he tried to process what his brother was

telling him. He grabbed his wallet which was laid on the bar and didn’t even notice his juice spill out all over the till as he raced out of the door, hoping to catch the next bus.

*******************

“He’s on his way up” Jack explained excitedly as he opened the door to his Dad’s hospital room. “I hope he’s carefu…”

“Shh” Martha hushed as she pushed her way past him, noticing Rachel’s sleeping form lying peacefully next to Tony. “She’s sleeping” she smiled, noticing how her fingers were still digging tightly into the side of his chest as if to subconsciously make sure he didn’t go anywhere.

“You know what, that’s not actually a bad idea” Jack yawned; his muscles were aching so much from that morning’s shoe shopping venture. “Maybe I should slip in the

other side of Dad like I used to when I was little”

“Aww you did?” Martha cooed, wrapping her arms around his neck “that’s so cute.”

“Only when it thundered” Jack added, desperate to defend his ego as he held Martha tightly around the waist. She nestled her head into his chest and smiled at the scene in front of her; “how did they make that kind of mistake Jack? Don’t they have to do DNA tests and that sort of stuff to officially identify bodies?”

“Yeah they do” Jack admitted, wondering the same question. He’d been so shocked to see his Dad alive that he hadn’t actually given thought to the fact that a serious error had been made by one of his co-workers. It suddenly filled him with a rush of anger when he thought of all the pain and suffering him and his family had gone through unnecessarily; what if Rachel had succeeded in taking her life; how would he have explained that to his Dad when he woke up?

“I trust you’ve had enough time with your Father” Mr Wallis declared as he rushed into the room, interrupting Jack from his thoughts. “Firstly I wanted to apologise…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to” Jack interrupted; “I think even I can agree that it’s a pretty incredible to believe, I doubted Rachel to.”

“Perhaps now’s a good time to discuss the trial we were planning on doing with your father…we need you to sign a consent form in order for it to go ahead” he explained, holding a sheet of paper in front of him. “I’d like you to read through this and then just sign at the bottom.”

“Woah hang on a second” Jack gasped, glancing over sadly at his comatose Dad. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, I, I’m not signing this” he insisted; casting his eyes down the long list of possible risks.

“Mr Holden, this trial gives us a lot of hope for your father’s condition…”

“I don’t care” Jack screamed, “my Dad is a human being not an animal, I’m not letting you do any of these tests on him. And you’re not changing my mind. I’ve lost him once I won’t do that again.”

Mr Wallis attempted many times to make Jack realise that the trial might be the only way Tony would ever wake up again but it was no use; he was adamant in his decision. The only chance of his trial being able to go ahead now was if Rachel thought differently; something Mr Wallis was positive she would.

Preview:

Rachel's wishes for the trial cause a fracture in her relationship with Jack

Lucas reacts at seeing his father alive