If You Don't Wanna Love Me

[charmed60]

Thank you so much champagne_char, flyingwithoutwings and Charlene. I'm pleased you're enjoying a bit more lightheartedness. I've tried to make things a bit more light and happy seeing as things have been so tragic for a while so this next chapter is also a bit more of a filler before things get serious again Hope you enjoy Also I would like your opinion as to how I end this fic; would you like me to give a definite answer as to Rachel's fate (ie whether she survives or dies) or would you like me to leave it where they don't know? Your thoughts are important to me as you're the ones I write for so please let me know in your replies!

Rachel buried herself deeper into Tony’s neck and held his hand tighter, laughing to herself as his breathing turned into a gentle snore. She felt so happy. Months and months of anguish and pain had all turned out to be for nothing and part of her was angry that he’d never told her the truth. It hurt her to think that he didn’t trust that she would understand but she could see that he’d suffered enough. She understood now why he was so intent on getting back with her when he found out about the cancer; it wasn’t because he pitied her but because he realised the lie wasn’t worth it anymore. She never thought that she’d ever be able to do this again, to lie in her husband’s arms and imagine a future with him and their son. For a moment she would be deliriously happy and then her heart would sink when she was reminded of the leukaemia. She had a feeling that Tony believed everything was going to be okay now, that because the bone marrow transplant had worked it meant that she was cured. She didn’t have the heart to explain to him that all it did was cure the infection and skip a step in her treatment program. She still had a minimum of six months of gruelling chemotherapy to endure and possibly another transplant with no guarantee of going into remission. She still couldn’t believe what Tony had done for her, she was even more amazed that he was a match and in some strange way she felt even closer to him.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been snoring have I?” Tony whispered as he shocked Rachel who didn’t even realise he was awake.

“Maybe” she teased, tickling his chest gently with her fingers.

“I’m so sorry, maybe I should go back to my bed.” Tony began to pull the covers back. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“Don’t you even think about it” she demanded, pulling him back towards her and leaning up towards him for a kiss. Tony laughed and wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her headscarf.

“Your wish is my command” he whispered, stroking her arm. “Rach, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Sure” she mumbled as she closed her eyes, relaxing into his embrace.

“Your hair” he tentatively asked. “Is it...has it”

“Has it fallen out?” Rachel interrupted, noticing how uncomfortable Tony was. “It did” she added, opening her eyes. “But I think it’s started growing back again. I dunno; I haven’t really looked yet.”

“Why not?” Tony asked, slightly surprised. He waited for a reply and became concerned when Rachel didn’t answer him. “Rach” he probed.

“Because I’m too scared to see what I look like” she cried, her head lowered in embarrassment as she subtly tried to wipe the tears away.

“Oh Rach” Tony soothed, “You’ll still look beautiful.” He wrapped his arms tightly around her and rested his head on top of hers. “You know that it doesn’t bother me don’t you? It doesn’t change anything.”

“You’re just saying that...”

“No I am not” he stated adamantly. “I love you and you losing your hair is not going to change that, ever.”

“Thank you” Rachel smiled, pleased that she’d finally been able to speak to Tony about it but desperate to change the subject. She was embarrassed and imagining herself without hair made her feel really uncomfortable. Whenever she removed her headscarf she would close her eyes and wouldn’t look in the mirror until it was covering her head again. She’d try every time not to cry when masses of curly hair fell from her shoulders and clumped together on the floor. She hoped that one day she would feel brave enough to look at her reflection and confront the disease which was plaguing her body. But for now she knew there was no way she ready to see herself like that and there was absolutely no way she could let Tony see her.

“I’m so bored of being in this place” Rachel sighed, sick of the sight of the four plain walls surrounding her.

“I guess it’s true what they say, doctors do make the worst patients.”

“Hey” Rachel shrieked, playfully hitting Tony’s chest. “Don’t be mean to me.”

“I’m sorry” he laughed. “But hey at least we get to be together in here.” He smiled and leant down to kiss Rachel as she looked up at him and placed her hand gently on his face.

“This is a hospital not a romantic honeymoon suite, can you please refrain from doing that in here” a nurse lectured as she stormed uninvited into their side room. Rachel and Tony broke away quickly and apologised swiftly, embarrassed that they’d been caught. “Mrs Holden yes?”

“Erm, yes” Rachel smiled, pleased to hear her being referred to by her married name once again.

“I just need to put another unit of blood up and flush some saline through your drip, can I have your hand.” Rachel cautiously held it out to her, slightly afraid of what this woman would do to her. She felt Tony squeezing her other hand reassuringly and immediately switched into professional mode.

“I’m Rachel Holden, I’m one of the RMO’s who works here. You’re Beverly right? Weren’t you working in Theatres?”

“I prefer Nurse Jennings. And yes I did but I’ve decided to do some rotation and get some alternative experience. Not that that’s any of your business.” Tension filled the air as Rachel realised it would be easier to just let her work and she leant back into Tony’s chest. “Don’t you have your own bed?” she enquired, looking at Tony.

“Well, yer but I’d rather cuddle up with my wife” he smiled brightly, trying to break down her cold exterior.

“I’d rather you didn’t” she bluntly answered, “you have no idea of the high risks of cross infection which you are spreading just by lying on that bed. You should know better Doctor Holden.” She looked at Rachel, then at Tony before strolling out of the room.

“Wow I feel like a naughty school boy” Tony cringed as they both released the laughter which had been building up inside. “Is she seriously like that?”

“Unfortunately yes” Rachel giggled. “Everyone is terrified of her, you can tell when she’s coming because the whole corridor just goes quiet.”

“Yeah well she doesn’t scare me” Tony stated “there’s no way I’m getting out of this bed.”

“Good” Rachel smiled as she kissed Tony softly on the lips. “She’s probably going to come back in here in a second and pull me away herself.”

“She’s going to have to get through me first” Tony stated before returning the kiss and holding Rachel tightly.

************************************

“Knock knock” Leah called as she pushed open the slightly ajar door to find Harry giggling as Tony bounced him on his shoulders, with the music blaring out from the stereo. “Tony” Leah shouted louder, waving her arms wildly in order to get his attention.

“Oh Leah, sorry” Tony laughed as he lifted Harry down into a sitting position in the crook of his arm and turned the volume down.

“Harry a rock music fan is he?” she teased, stroking his cheek and holding out her arms.

“Yer, he’s taking after his old man aren’t you buddy?” Tony passed his son over to Leah. “We’re just having some special father/son bonding and then I’m heading up to the hospital” he explained, trying to change the subject and in turn defer the embarrassment he felt at being caught dancing around the room.

“How are you doing now?” she enquired whilst attempting to pull her hair away from Harry’s strong grip. “Are you glad to be home?” she added.

“Erm...” Tony hesitated. “I’m glad to be able to see this little one but I miss Rach a lot. I feel so guilty leaving her every night Leah, she desperately wants to come home.” Tony took a seat at the kitchen table and absentmindedly began playing with one of Harry’s toys.

“It’s hard” Leah agreed, reaching forward and placing her hand over Tony’s. “But she’s getting better and that’s what matters right?” She attempted to brighten the situation but could tell that Tony wasn’t convinced. “Why don’t you take this guy up to the hospital, he’s guaranteed to cheer her up” she suggested, tickling Harry’s chin gently.

“The doctors won’t let her see him” he mused sadly, looking sympathetically towards his son. “Apparently it’s too much of a risk, the germs he could pass on to her while her immune system is so low could put us back to square one. It’s killing her Leah.”

“Poor Rach” Leah muttered. “There must be something we can do, she’s been stuck in that room for weeks now she must be going crazy!”

“Well actually...” Tony began with a mysterious smile on his face. “You wouldn’t mind looking after Harry for a little while would you?” Leah looked at him suspiciously.

“Well that depends” she started. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” She stared at him as if the answer would appear right in front of her but he remained tight lipped.

“Later I will” he grinned before heading to the drawer under the sink and slipping something that Leah couldn’t quite see into his jacket pocket. “I just need to get changed, thank you so much.” Tony headed into the bedroom, ignoring Leah as she called after him for information.

“What’s he up to sweetheart?” Leah whispered into Harry’s ear. “Why don’t you tell your Auntie Leah?” She gazed down at him and smiled when he looked back at her, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. “You are far too much like your Daddy” she laughed.

Preview:

Tony is disheartened to see Rachel's condition hasn't improved.

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Charlene, champagne_char, Suzanne and flyingwithoutwings for your comments. Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy

Tony strolled through the narrow hospital corridor, humming as he quickened his pace. He reached the lift and automatically went to press the call button before deciding that today, seeing as it was a special day, he would take the stairs. Rachel’s illness had made him appreciate so much, his life, his health and he knew it was something he would never take for granted again. He ran faster up the stairs, sometimes taking two at a time and refused to let his exhaustion slow him down; pushing himself reminded him that he was alive. He jogged along the corridor, dodging various stretchers and doctors travelling in the opposite direction and followed the route he had taken every single day for the past couple of weeks. He smiled to himself as he finally saw the door to Rachel’s room; his light at the end of the tunnel. Gradually slowing down his pace in order to give him a chance to sort himself out, he ran his fingers through his hair and straightened his shirt, tucking it back into his trousers. “This is it” he whispered to himself as he flung the door open and smiled brightly, eagerly looking forward to seeing his wife.

The colour drained swiftly from his face. He’d expected to see her beaming back at him, her smile which still made him go weak at the knees. But instead she was asleep, her complexion frighteningly pale and her breathing worryingly shallow. He slowly made his way over to her bed and gasped as he took in more of her weak frame. The oxygen tube she had had removed last week was back, a thin tube which ran across the top of her lip and rested itself on her neck. He shakily ran his thumb over her cheek and noticed the dark circles under her eyes; it was like the life had been sucked out of her. His first reaction was anger; fury that no-one from the hospital had called to let him know what had happened. When he’d seen her yesterday she was so zestful and now she was just a shadow of herself. “Rach” he whispered. “Wake up and let me know you’re okay.” His breath caught in his throat as he waited for a reaction, but she remained still. “Please Rachel” he croaked, desperate for her to wake up and be perfectly fine. He breathed a sigh of relief as her eyelids fluttered and she smiled weakly upon feeling his hand touching her face.

“I wondered when you’d get here” she muttered as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

“It’s okay, I’m here now.” Tony stroked her hair gently and rested himself on the edge of her bed, hoping that now she was awake she would sit up and go back to being how she was yesterday. His heart sank as he watched her close her eyes again, unable to keep them open and struggled to lift her shaking hand up to rest it on his arm. “You don’t look so good today Rach, what’s going on?” he probed as he rested his other free hand on top of hers.

“Thanks a lot” she wheezed, her eyes still firmly closed. She smiled as Tony began apologising and assuring her he didn’t mean it like that. “I know I’m just teasing you” she laughed. Rachel forced her eyes to open and saw her husband’s face creased with worry staring back at her. “Hey what’s wrong” she soothed. She was exhausted and desperate to sleep but wanted to wake herself up so that she could spend time with Tony; him visiting was something she looked forward to every day. It broke her heart that Harry wasn’t allowed in to but she knew it was for the best and thought perhaps it was better that he didn’t see her like that; she didn’t want to scare him.

“I’m scared” Tony admitted. He had been trying for so long to be strong for her but seeing her like this had hit a nerve and he couldn’t do it any longer. “Yesterday you were fine and now...you were getting better.”

“Tony I’ve got cancer” she explained, stroking his cheek tenderly. “There’s going to be some good days and some not so good days. Today’s just one of those.” She watched his expression and hoped that he would understand but he just looked back at her mournfully as if she’d just delivered some life changing news.

“I just thought that the transplant would fix everything” he admitted holding her hand tighter. “I thought it would make you better.”

“It did make me better” she smiled. “If you hadn’t have given me the bone marrow I wouldn’t be here.” She stroked his cheek with her thumb and wiped away a tear that he’d desperately tried to hide.

“How are you being so brave?” Tony asked her. His eyes were filled with pride and amazement and he didn’t understand how she could stay so strong when he felt like his heart was crumbling inside.

“Because of you” she answered quickly, without a second thought. “Because of your support, you keep me going. I’ve got too much to live for...it keeps me fighting, stops me from giving up.” She took a deep breath and struggled a smile, desperate to hide the pain she was feeling from Tony. She breathed a silent sigh of relief as he smiled warmly back at her and kissed her forehead gently.

“How’s my gorgeous little man?” she added, her mind wandering back to her baby son as it often did.

“Oh I’m okay...tired but okay” Tony joked, realising that he needed to stay positive for Rachel. She didn’t need his doom and gloom.

“You know who I’m talking about” she laughed back, mustering all of her strength to playfully punch him.

“He’s doing okay, he misses you” Tony answered, his expression becoming serious. He didn’t want to tell Rachel all the things he’d done over the past few days because he knew it would hurt her that she’d missed them. “I actually took some pictures of him on my phone for you to see, I know it’s not the same....” he added, as he fumbled in his back pocket for his mobile.

“It’s not but it’s the next best thing” Rachel beamed, her heart fluttering with excitement. “Thank you so much.” She waited patiently as Tony flicked through his phone and pulled it eagerly into her hand as he found what he was looking for. “What have you done to our son” she shrieked, tears of laughter pouring down her cheeks at the sight of Harry standing on Tony’s surfboard with his gym t-shirt on and a pair of oversized sunglasses. “He looks so big” she mused, her finger stroking over the picture. “Is he...is he standing on his own?” Rachel gasped as she turned quickly to face Tony.

He turned away from her, attempting to invent an excuse quickly. “N,no I’m holding him up you just can’t see, I cut it out...well took it so that you wouldn’t see my arm.” He finally looked at her and smiled sadly as he saw her breathe a silent sigh of relief; he knew it would break her heart if she was aware that she’d missed important milestones in Harry’s life. Important to a Mum anyway.

“He looks like you more and more every day” she smiled proudly before handing the phone back to Tony; it hurt too much to keep looking at the picture and imagine what she was missing out on. Her heart ached, all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her little boy, smother him with kisses and hear him giggle again.

“You’ll see him again soon I promise” Tony whispered as if he could read her mind and gently stroked her cheek. “Listen, I was going to take you out for a bit today but I don’t think now is the right time, we should wait until you’re feeling stronger” he added, slightly upset that he wouldn’t get to carry out his plan.

“You were going to take me out?” Rachel beamed, deliriously happy at the thought of some fresh air and a change of scenery. “I feel stronger already I do please, take me out of this place.” She knew she sounded like a child in a sweet shop but she was desperate to leave her room which felt more like a prison to her than a hospital.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea Rach, maybe tomorrow” he suggested, afraid that it might be too much for her.

“Tony please” she begged. “I need to get out plus...I’ve got another round of the chemo tomorrow so I won’t be allowed to leave.” She slowly looked at him, her eyes shifty.

“You didn’t tell me you were having more treatment tomorrow,” Tony murmured. “I thought it wasn’t going to be until next week.”

“Well they moved it forward, just to be safe” she explained. “I’m sorry I just didn’t want to worry you.”

“Rach” Tony sighed as he moved closer to her. “We’re in this together okay. Anything that you’re worried about I want you to tell me, the only way we’re going to get through this is if we’re honest with each other.” He took both of her hands in his and kissed her knuckles gently. “So are you going to tell me why they really moved the treatment forward?”

“My bloods are up a bit” Rachel sighed realising that he was right; she needed to be honest with him. “It could be nothing but it could be a sign of another infection, it’s just a precaution.” She held her breath waiting for Tony’s response, she knew he was a worrier and after everything that he’d been through in his life, she didn’t blame him.

“Well we better get you outside then hadn’t we” he smiled, moving the wheelchair which was parked in the corner of the room next to Rachel’s bed. He leant over and gently lifted her into his arms, trying desperately not to hurt her. He winced when he realised how weak she was, she could barely muster up enough strength to wrap her arms around his neck and hold on. As he lowered her into the chair and went to move away Rachel clung tightly to his shirt and whispered in his ear; “try not to crash this into any walls wont you.” Tony laughed to himself, realising that whilst Rachel’s body might be weak, her spirit wasn’t and she was strong on the inside despite her body failing her. He knew he shouldn’t worry about her so much but that didn’t stop him from doing everything he could to look after he thought as he wrapped a blanket around her legs and pushed her slowly towards the door, being careful not to bump in to anything.

Preview:

Tony has an important question to ask Rachel but then receives some bad news.

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Charlene, flyingwithoutwings, crazylazy, Laura (nice name ) and champagne_char. All of your comments are so appreciated as always! Laura you should start writing H&A ones and put them on here, I'd love to read them Flyingwithoutwings, I'm pleased you liked the last line; it took me ages to decide how to end that chapter! Here's the next one, i hope you all enjoy and Charlene I hope you were right This chapters actually spookily similar to a storyline which happened on a show called Brothers and Sisters but for copyright reasons I'd just like to clarify that I came up with the idea first I'd written this chapter before I watched it! Enjoy

The wind blew gently across Rachel’s face and she smiled gently as she felt the warm sun beating down on her. She revelled in being able to breathe in fresh air and instantly felt stronger and more positive, believing there might actually be a chance she could beat the cancer. It’s amazing how much a beautiful day can improve your mood Rachel thought to herself. Tony pushed her along a winding path until they reached the gardens, a small but intricately designed part of the hospital grounds and she breathed in the smell of freshly cut grass. In front of her she noticed a looming rose bush that she was heading towards and it brought back happy memories of the times Tony used to surprise her with a bunch of red roses whenever she’d had a bad day.

“Maybe we should stop here for a bit?” Tony suggested, stopping the chair in front of the bush and taking a seat on the bench next her. “My back’s killing me, I’m getting far too old to take long walks” he joked.

“You’re not too old” Rachel laughed. “Thank you so much for bringing me out here” she smiled gratefully as she placed her hand gently on his. “It’s so beautiful. You forget there’s a world outside your window when you’re stuck in a hospital room 24/7.”

“It’s not for long” Tony assured; stroking her hand. “And now they’ve brought the chemo forward you’ll be home even earlier.”

“Yes, I will” she agreed, her smile widening even more. “Back home where we can be a proper family again; you, me and Harry. I’m a lucky girl.” Rachel was tired of feeling sorry for herself and having people pitying her; she wanted to focus on the good things in her life, it’s what helped her through.

“It’s going to be a fresh start for us Rach, things are going to be different I promise you. When the cancer’s gone...” Tony hesitated. He didn’t know whether it was appropriate to talk about a future they didn’t even know they would have. His hands started to shake as he contemplated his life without her, a life where he had to raise a child all by himself and cry himself to sleep every night with an aching loss in his heart. He’d been through it before and he couldn’t bear the thought of having to go through it again.

“Which it will” Rachel prompted, squeezing his hand gently. Tony stuttered, trying to remember what he was going to say before his mind had wandered. “When the cancer’s gone” Rachel added, trying to save Tony from his temporary amnesia. “we can start over, we won’t take things for granted anymore. It will be the beginning of a new life for us.”

“I was actually going to say that we could go away, maybe go back to where we had our honeymoon” Tony suggested, noticing a spark ignite in Rachel’s eyes.

“Really” she beamed, her voice shaking with excitement.

“Really” he repeated. “But Rach, we don’t have to wait until the cancers gone to start our new lives together.” Tony stared into her eyes and noticed her sad expression.

“It’s difficult to though with me in here and everything being out of a routine” Rachel sighed, desperately wishing that she could just go home.

“Life is full of moments that don’t fit the routine” Tony remarked. “It’s up to us how we deal with them and I think that we should start by doing things properly” he smirked as he reached his hand into his jacket pocket.

“You are a wise man Tony Holden” Rachel smiled proudly. “But the problem with you being all wise and prophetic is you’re speaking in riddles and I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She laughed and rested her hand on Tony’s knee, confused as to what he was looking for. It was the first time she’d been able to take the time to look at him properly and it suddenly dawned on her how dressed up Tony was. He was wearing the dark blue shirt that she’d bought him for his birthday last year and the smart black trousers that he only wore on special occasions. “So how do we do things properly then” Rachel enquired, her hand stroking Tony’s face, forcing him to look at her.

“By you agreeing to marry me again.” Tony held his breath and watched Rachel intently for her response. When he noticed that she’d made no movement he held out the box he was holding tightly in his hand and offered it to her, helping her to open it when her weak and shaking hands were unable to untie the bow. She remained speechless despite several attempts to respond to him. Tony pulled off the lid and revealed a tiny silver heart shaped necklace with a delicate diamond carved into it.

“It was my Mum’s” he explained. “I never really knew what to do with it but I want you to have it and I know she would to. She would have loved you Rach, I wish she could have met you.”

“Me to” Rachel managed to say as tears caught in her throat. “It’s so beautiful. I know how special your Mum is to you Tony, are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely” he smiled as he pulled it out of the box and undid the catch. “From one special woman to another. Although you’ve got to promise to marry me of course.”

Rachel laughed and tears slowly rolled down her cheeks as she realised she hadn’t even accepted his proposal. She’d been so thrown by the emotional sentimentality of his gift that she’d completely forgotten.

“Getting married again, wow, can we even do that?”

“Of course” he beamed. “We can renew our vows wherever we want, maybe we could just have a small ceremony, just you, me, Harry and our closest friends. I’ve looked into it, it’s easy to organise. You just have to say yes.” Tony hesitated as he tried to ignore the aching in his fingers from holding the clasp of the necklace open for so long.

“Of course I’m going to say yes” Rachel cried as she allowed Tony to fasten the necklace around her neck. He placed his hands tenderly on her cheek and kissed her softly before wrapping his arms around her.

“I love you” Rachel whispered. “Whatever happens I love you so much.” She mustered all the strength she could to tighten her grip around him and hold him as close to her as she possibly could. They both stayed like that for what seemed like hours, listening to the birds singing and the distant sounds of children laughing. It was only when Tony’s phone rang that they broke apart, Rachel still clinging to Tony’s arms as he reached into his pocket. He mouthed ‘sorry’ to her and brought the phone up to his ear. Rachel watched as his radiant smile disappeared and the creases in his brow deepened with worry before he stood up rapidly and ran over to the opposite side of the garden. Her heartbeat fastened as she watched every movement he made, trying desperately to hear the conversation he was having; she had no idea what was going on. Tony’s arms waved about in front of him as he tried to calm down the person on the other side of the phone and Rachel held her breath as she saw him end the call and take a deep breath. He made his way over to her, his gaze firmly upon his feet in front of him.

“Who was that, what’s going on?” Rachel rambled, every second feeling like an hour in time.

“Nothing for you to worry about” Tony waved off. Rachel noticed how he wouldn’t even look at her and she suddenly became frustrated that she couldn’t stand up and force the truth out of her husband. “I do need to go home now though, it’s just work stuff I’m sorry” he added, his voice shaking as he stepped behind her and began pushing Rachel back towards the hospital doors.

“Stop this damn chair right now and tell me what the hell is going on” Rachel screamed as her frustrations found a way to express themselves. “I might be sick Tony but I am not stupid, I saw the worry on your face and I need you to tell me what has happened right this second.” Tony stopped the chair and slowly walked towards Rachel, crouching down in front of her.

“I don’t want you to worry” he whispered, looking up at her.

“I already am worried” Rachel muttered back, her voice tinged with terror. “You said to me only a few hours ago that the only way we would get through this is if we are honest with each other. So tell me.”

“Harry’s not well” Tony finally confessed. “Leah called because she’s worried about him and she wants me to come home. It might be nothing” he quickly added, forcing a smile as he tried to reassure her.

“What’s wrong with him” Rachel cried as she forced herself not to get too hysterical. Children get sick all the time, it’s what they do she reminded herself.

“He’s got a rash and he won’t stop crying, Rachel I really need to get home but I promise I will come back and tell you the second I know what’s going on okay” Tony promised as he began to stand up. He was torn. He knew that Rachel would feel completely helpless and she deserved an explanation but he was also desperate to get home to his son; Leah sounded terrified on the phone and he needed to make sure his little boy was okay. He was just about to walk behind the chair when Rachel grabbed his arm with a strength he didn’t know she had.

“I’m coming with you” she stated pertinently. It was only when she held Tony’s arm that she realised how much she was shaking.

“You can’t Rachel” Tony retorted. “You’re too ill, the hospital won’t let you.”

“I don’t care what the hospital think Tony, this is my son we’re talking about” she snapped back, her fingers digging tightly into his skin. “And if you don’t let me come with you then I will walk home myself.” She stared at her husband and saw the conflict flashing through his eyes. She knew he was right, the hospital would never agree to let her go but right now, all she cared about was Harry. She breathed a sigh of relief as Tony nodded his head and lifted her into his arms, carrying her gently but swiftly towards their car. “Please let him be okay” she whispered under her breath. “Please let him be okay.”

Preview: Rachel is distressed when she sees the state Harry is in.

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Romeoprincess, Suzanne, Jarliefanever and flyingwithoutwings. As always your comments are VERY appreciated. Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy

“Shh sweetheart, it’s okay, Daddy will be here soon” Leah soothed as she held Harry close to her chest and attempted to calm him down. His whole body was drenched in a fevered sweat and his frantic, hysterical cries were piercing. Leah had tried everything to ease his pain but he didn’t want to feed or sleep and he hadn’t stopped crying for over two hours now. She felt awful for calling Tony when she knew both he and Rachel cherished every minute they could spend together but she was worried sick about Harry. She knew she’d never forgive herself if she did nothing and something awful happened to him. She let out a frustrated sigh and attempted again to get Harry to take his bottle but he thrashed his head to the side whenever she put it near his mouth and screamed even louder. Leah closed her eyes and lifted Harry back onto her chest, rocking him gently. His screams deafened her, so much that she didn’t hear Tony fling the front door open.

“Rachel! What are you doing back” she gasped as she opened her eyes and saw Tony standing in front of her with her sickly looking friend in his arms. Their faces were both washed with fear and their eyes looking directly at their son.

“She forced me to bring her home” Tony reprimanded as he lowered Rachel onto the settee and ran towards Leah. He took Harry into his arms and held his head close to him. “Hey buddy, you going tell Daddy what’s wrong?” He winced when he felt how hot his son was to touch and he instructed Leah to get him a cold flannel.

“Tony can I see him” Rachel cried, feeling left out and frustrated. She hated that she had to ask to hold her own baby and couldn’t do it for herself but more than anything she was desperate to ease the cause of Harry’s pain. So many emotions were building up inside her; joy at seeing her baby again, pain at seeing him so upset. Her heart skipped a beat as Tony walked towards her and rested Harry down in her arms. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she resisted the urge to just hold him close, instead allowing her medical instincts to take over.

“Where’s the rash?” she enquired as she scoped every inch of his soft skin. “Sweetie it’s okay” she soothed, running her hand through his damp hair.

“It’s, it’s on his chest” Leah replied, relieved that Tony had arrived and she no longer had to make the decisions.

Rachel struggled to lift Harry’s top as he thrashed himself about in her arms and she had to get Tony to hold him down whilst she did. She noticed a series of blotchy red spots on his chest and instantly thought the worse. “Get me a glass” she called out, not caring whether Tony or Leah responded.

“I couldn’t remember whether the rash had to disappear or not when you pressed the glass against it” Leah rambled, moving out of the way as Tony rushed past her towards the kitchen. “You think it’s meningitis don’t you?” she asked, noticing the panic in Rachel’s eyes.

“I, I don’t know” Rachel admitted as she kissed Harry’s head softly, her tears dropping onto his already soaked cheeks. Tony held a glass out to her and she eagerly took it, pressing it instantly against the rash on her baby’s chest. The spots instantly disappeared. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief and a smile appeared instinctively on her face. “It’s not, it’s not meningitis” she beamed, looking at Leah and her husband’s terrified expressions. She stroked her thumb back and forth over the rash, inspecting it closely when she noticed Harry’s cries instantly subside.

“He’s got a rash on his foot as well Rach” Tony noticed, pulling his jean leg backwards to see it extending all the way to his knee. Rachel moved her hand away from Harry’s body and watched as he instantly flung his own hand towards his chest, his fingernails digging deep into his skin and causing it to bleed. His face scrunched up and his bottom lip began to quiver as he broke out into a cry again.

“Oh sweetheart, is it itching you” Rachel cooed as she moved Harry’s hand and began to gently stroke his chest again, smiling as he immediately stopped crying. Her heart swelled when Harry looked up at her, his cheeks still flushed and tear stained and smiled a wide gummy smile.

“Rach, hey, is he going to be okay? What is it?” Tony enquired as he broke Rachel from the bubble she was in, cherishing the feeling of being with her son again. She looked up at him and noticed her husband’s worried expression, feeling instantly guilty that she’d unintentionally pushed him out. She was so used to it just being her and Harry that she’d forgotten Tony was part of their full time lives again.

“I think this little man has chicken pox” she explained as she gently tickled Harry’s tummy and enjoyed the sound of his laughter. Tony breathed a loud sigh of relief and his hand clutched his heart.

“Chicken pox” Leah shrieked. “Is that it? Oh, I am so sorry for worrying so much I feel like such an idiot” she cringed, feeling embarrassed that she’d caused such a panic. “It was just he was crying for so long and his temperature was so high...”

“I think he’s just frustrated with the itching and he’s worked himself up into a bit of a state” Rachel explained, pulling Harry closer to her and running her fingers through his hair. “A little bit of chamomile lotion and he’ll be perfectly fine.”

“I’m sorry” Leah repeated, hanging her head in shame.

“Hey don’t worry about it” Rachel and Tony both echoed at the exact same time. They looked at each other and laughed – it felt so right being a family again.

“No seriously Leah” Rachel added. “It gave me a valuable excuse to sneak out of that awful place and see my baby again so you have nothing to apologise for.” She smiled and held Harry’s tiny hand in hers, kissing his head softly as he clasped her finger tightly. She’d missed him so much and it frightened her how much he’d changed since she saw him last; his hair had started to lighten and his legs hung over when she held him where he’d grown so much. She’s been afraid that he wouldn’t recognise her when he saw her again but she was glad to see that wasn’t the case.

“Rach…” Tony started, well aware that she wasn’t going to like what he was going to say.

“I know what you’re going to say” she interrupted, her eyes welling up at the thought of leaving her baby again. “Just one more hour please.” Rachel looked up at him and pleaded with her eyes, “please” she whispered again.

“It’s not worth the risk” Tony soothed, placing his hand over hers. He hated to be the one that took Harry away from her but he knew deep down that he was doing the right thing. “Especially with the chicken pox, you don’t want to catch it and jeopardise the chances of the chemo working; you’re so close to the end.”

Rachel nodded understandingly and looked down once again at her son. She wanted to take in every part of him so that she had a fresh image in her mind of what she was fighting for. “Okay, take him away before I change my mind” Rachel cried, loosening her grip on him and allowed Leah to lift him out of her arms. He’d started to doze but woke up again when he was moved and started to cry loudly. “I’m sorry sweetheart” she whispered. “Will you get him some chamomile lotion on your way home?” she asked Tony, wiping the tears from her cheeks as he lifted her into his arms.

“Of course I will” he smiled sadly. “He’s going to be okay Rach, in a couple of weeks you’ll be home again and then we’ve got the rest of our lives with him” Tony assured, trying to cheer her up.

“I hope so” she whispered, more to herself than anybody else. She weakly waved goodbye to Leah and nestled her head into Tony’s shoulder, she couldn’t bear to see Harry so distressed. She just prayed the chemotherapy would work this time; it was her last chance.

Preview:

Both Rachel and Tony fight off nerves as their wedding day arrives

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Kirsty, RomeoPrincess and Jarliefanever! Here's a more light hearted chapter, I hope you enjoy!

Six weeks later

“I’m sorry you can’t have any champers Rach” Martha apologised as she poured the fizzy liquid into her glass, squealing as the bubbles poured over the side.

“It’s okay” Rachel smiled, “these drugs I’m on already make me feel like I’m drunk so I’m not really missing out.” She stifled a laugh and focused on keeping still as Leah applied liner delicately to her eye lid.

“I keep meaning to ask, has Kate backed off now?” Martha pried, as she realised neither her or Tony had spoken about her for a while.

“Yeah she has for now” Rachel answered optimistically. “She came over to our house a couple of weeks ago, she was completely hysterical. And when Tony explained everything to me properly, about what she’d done and how she wasn’t like this when he was with her…I realised that I shouldn’t be hating her I should be trying to help her. When I think about what she’s been through, having to leave her family to protect them and then come home to find your husband married to someone else and your son dead…it’s just unimaginable. I encouraged Tony to support her through it and she’s agreed to see somebody to help her cope with losing Jack.”

“Wow Rach, that must be pretty difficult for you though, allowing Tony to spend more time with her” Leah questioned, pausing for a moment as she became engrossed in what Rachel was saying.

“Well it’s not nice but…she needs to talk to Tony to get through this, he’s the one who can tell her all about Jack and fill in the missing pieces. I can’t be selfish when the poor woman’s had a breakdown and plus I trust Tony so it’s all okay.”

“Yer I guess” Leah mused.

“So…how are you feeling? Excited, nervous, wanting to back out?” Martha smoothed her dress down and leant on the wall, making herself available to pass Leah make up as and when needed.

“Well it’s a bit late to back out” Rachel giggled in response, “we are already married remember.” She sipped her orange juice and took a deep breathe, desperate to control her nerves. Every woman dreamt that at least on her wedding day she’d be able to look and feel the best she ever would. But Rachel knew that wasn’t possible, she was still pale and gaunt but praying that Leah’s makeover would be able to conceal the tiredness she felt. “I’m just really really happy” she beamed, not willing to dwell on the negative side of things. Today she was going to make sure that the cancer wasn’t even mentioned; she wanted it to be the happiest day of her life and a chance to focus on all the amazing things she was blessed with. The past few weeks had been an intense whirlwind of non-stop chemotherapy; but she’d come to the end of her treatment and all she could do now was wait for the results.

“The only thing that would make today even more perfect is if Brad could be here but…you can’t help flight cancellations right.”

“Well I’m sure he’s thinking about you Rach” Leah smiled as she observed the work she’d done and added more blusher to her best friend’s cheek.

“You look so great” Martha smiled “Tony is going to be blown away.”

“Well I really wish I didn’t have to be pushed down the aisle in this old thing” Rachel frowned, tapping at the rusty wheels “it’s not exactly going to impress him is it.”

“You haven’t got your strength back enough Rachel, Tony understands that” Leah replied. “And anyway, I don’t think he’ll even notice the chair when he sees how fabulous you look.”

Rachel giggled again and tapped her feet impatiently, she was so excited. She couldn’t wait to see Tony; having to spend the night alone after being used to being with him again was torture. She also couldn’t wait to see Harry; he was wearing a suit that matched his Dad’s and they’d spent the last few days teaching him how to walk down the aisle. Walk! He was growing up so fast. As tempting as it was she knew she couldn’t call him her baby anymore, he was officially a toddler and causing mischief already; opening drawers and cupboards and pulling out the contents all over the floor before running away, giggling to himself.

“Rach, are you ready to put on the dress?” Leah sang excitedly as she threw the blusher brush on the table and gulped back the champagne Martha had poured out. Rachel nodded eagerly and pulled herself up from the chair, clinging onto the desk in front of her for support.

“Let’s go get you married” Martha clapped as her and Leah bustled around Rachel excitedly.

*********************************************************************

“It’s a beautiful day to get married” Gina exclaimed to her brother as she took in the surroundings which Tony and Rachel had chosen for their wedding venue. They’d decided on a secluded part of the beach, away from the hustle and bustle of tourism in the area. Looming cliffs towered behind them making it seem more private and intimate and as the sun had started to set, a beautiful orange tint filled the sky. A soft breeze swept through the air, causing the sea to gently lap at the shore and Tony had laid out a pathway made of shells as an aisle for Rachel to come down.

“Yeah, couldn’t have picked it any better” Tony smiled as he gazed around proudly at the people who’d come to witness the wedding. It was only a small selection of his and Rachel’s closest friends and family; they didn’t want a big fuss, just a chance to celebrate their love in front of the people who meant the most to them.

“You nervous?” Gina asked as she noticing Tony constantly fiddling with his fingers and adjusting his tie. He thought it would be a nice touch if he wore the same suit he’d worn at his first wedding, yet due to the sandy floor and Rachel’s inability to stand in heels; him and all the guests were barefoot.

“Not really” he admitted. “I’m more excited than anything…that is, until I remember why we’re doing this. Everything is perfect until I remember that Rachel might be dying. It’s so hard Gina.” His voice began to shake and he felt a familiar surge of sadness radiating from his heart.

“I know” she soothed, rubbing his back affectionately. “But you’ve got to make the best of what you’ve got. Just think how happy this wedding is going to make Rachel, how thrilled she is to have finished her treatment and be home with you and Harry. That’s what you’ve got to focus on.”

Tony smiled brightly and hugged his sister warmly. “You’re a wise woman sis, I don’t know what I’d do without you. And thank you for all your help setting this up today, it means a lot to me and I know it will to Rach to.”

“You’re very welcome. You both deserve it” Gina smiled before shrieking as she felt something tug on her leg. Looking down she saw Harry pulling on her skirt, his chubby cheeks grinning up at her.

“Well hello there my gorgeous nephew” she cooed as she lifted him into her arms and admired the tiny suit Tony had dressed him in. “Oh Tony he looks so adorable, Rachel is going to melt when she seems him.”

“Well that’s the idea, got to try and impress the ladies haven’t we mate?” Tony grinned, tickling his finger under his son’s chin. “Especially your Mummy.”

“Oh I think she’s definitely going to be impressed” Gina laughed. “By both of you.”

“I hope so” Tony smiled. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply; the smell of the salty air brought him a sense of familiarity and he smiled to himself when he felt the sun radiating heat down on him. The sound of a car engine drawing closer broke him from his thoughts and he heard Gina exclaim that Rachel was here. Tony felt a rush of nerves sweep over him and said a quick goodbye to Gina who headed towards the car with Harry in her arms whilst he took his position; waiting for his bride.

Preview:

Will everything go smoothly with the wedding?

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Suzanne, Kirsty and Laura Here's the wedding, I really hope you enjoy it It's only a small one as the next chapter is the last of this story and then I'll start my next one, I hope you'll enjoy that to

“Rachel, you look amazing” Gina gasped as she watched Rachel stumble weakly into the wheelchair Martha was holding by the side of the car. She was wearing an ivory coloured silk dress, which was wrapped tightly around her waist and then hung loosely, sweeping along the floor behind her. Around her neck she’d put on Tony’s mother’s necklace that he’d given her and had tiny white flowers placed randomly on the left side of her curled hair. She was thrilled when she’d taken off her headscarf and noticed her hair had started to grow back and she’d kept it a secret from Tony, wanting to surprise him with it on their wedding day. It was still only down to her shoulders so she’d decided to have it pinned to one side and let her natural curls hang loosely over her shoulder.

“Thank you” Rachel smiled back as her eyes glanced over at her son who was now standing next to Gina, holding her hand. “Oh my….hey there my beautiful boy look at you, you look so smart.” Rachel felt proud tears brim and she blinked them away quickly, worried that her make-up would be smudged. She lifted Harry into her lap and took a deep breath as Leah pushed her towards where the guests had begun to take their seats. As they turned round to the cove, she saw Tony standing nervously with his hands held in front of him. He looked up at her and smiled brighter than she’d ever seen him smile before, his expression then turning to a look of shock. “Your hair” he mouthed. Rachel grinned, hoping that his look of surprise was because he liked it and not the other way round. The whole crowd went silent and so she took that as her cue and placed Harry on the floor. “Remember what you’ve got to do sweetie?” she whispered in his ear, hoping that he would. “Go and see Daddy.” She looked over and saw Tony crouched facing her, his hands held out as he called his son towards him. Rachel held her breath and smiled as Harry stumbled clumsily down the aisle, waving his arms excitedly and giggling at Tony. People were cooing at him and she heard whispers of how cute and adorable he was. Everything was going perfectly, until Harry noticed one of the shiny shells glistening in the sun and he became distracted, bending down to pick it up. Rachel laughed as she watched Tony run forward and pick him up, chuckling to himself as Harry held the shell up proudly, desperate to show his Dad what he’d found.

“It’s your turn now Rach, you’re not gonna make me stop this chair half way down and pick up a shell to are you?” Leah laughed, as she took the breaks off.

“Leah wait, I can’t do this” Rachel exclaimed, her hands pressed to the wheel to ensure she couldn’t be pushed forward.

“What do you mean? You don’t want to get married again?”

“I don’t want to be pushed down” Rachel answered determinedly. “I’m going to walk.”

“Rachel no, you’re not strong enough, you can’t do it on your own.” Leah was concerned for her friend and rushed forward, trying to stop her as Rachel pressed down on the arms of the chair and pulled herself up.

“I need to do this Leah. I don’t want to be treated like some sick, incapable person, it’s only a little way. I can do this I know I can.” Rachel attempted to gain some balance and took her hands away from the chair, smiling to herself as she stood unaided for the first time in months. She thanked Leah as she stood to the side and looked up at her husband, who had a concerned expression on her face. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to focus as she took one step forward. Her legs felt shaky and deep inside she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to do it; the idea seemed more realistic than the reality. She took another step and stumbled as Leah ran forward to catch her; tears of frustration brimming in her eyes.

“Need a hand?” she heard a familiar voice echo. She turned slowly, squinting as the sunlight blinded her and gasped as she saw her brother standing behind her.

“Brad what are you doing here?” she cried, holding her arms out as he rushed forward and hugged her tightly. “I’ve missed you so much” she sobbed.

“Tony sent me some money so I managed to book another flight” he answered. “You look amazing Bloss, I’m just sorry it’s taken so long to get here” Rachel smiled at hearing her nickname and linked her arms through his, unable to wipe the smile from her face. She clung tightly to her brother’s hand as he walked her slowly down the aisle towards Tony; his arm wrapped around her waist holding her up.

“Hey” Rachel smiled shyly and her heart skipped a beat as she finally reached Tony; she was in awe at how handsome he looked and couldn’t believe that he was hers. “Thank you so much for making sure Brad got here” she cried, struggling to control the tears.

“Hey you can’t start crying now or you’ll never get through the ceremony” he laughed, wrapping his arms around her. “You look absolutely beautiful” he whispered in her ear, so that only she could hear.

“You don’t look so bad yourself” she whispered back, still clinging tightly to him, enjoying the moment.

“Rach” Tony started. “I don’t think we can get married like this so you might have to let me go” he chuckled as Rachel apologised, embarrassed as everyone watching laughed along. The ceremony began and Rachel held tightly onto Tony’s hand, determined to stand throughout the service. They’d both decided that they wanted to say their own vows and seeing as they didn’t need to exchange rings, Tony began straight away.

“Rach, you aren’t just my wife or the mother of my child, you’re my best friend. You’re the one I want to see first when I wake up every morning and you are the last person that I want to see when I go to sleep. When I think back on all that we’ve been through, it’s amazing that we are still standing here today. But we survived it because of how much we love each other, because we trust each other and because I don’t ever want to be without you. I’m so proud that you’re my wife and I just want to spend the rest of my life making you happy, I love you.”

Rachel blinked furiously as tears clouded her vision. She was battling between wanting to wipe the tears away and needing to hold Tony’s hand so she didn’t fall down. Before she could decide, he reached forward and stroked his thumb gently across her cheek, smiling reassuringly at her.

“Tony, you are the most amazing husband I could ever have asked for, the most wonderful father to our son. You have been my rock through the most difficult time in my life and I honestly don’t know who I am without you by my side. You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I don’t know how long we will have together but what I do know is that I will spend every single day of the rest of my life being the happiest woman alive. And it’s all because of you. I love you so much.”

Tony and Rachel both smiled deliriously at each other as they were pronounced husband and wife…again. Wrapping their arms around each other, Rachel held tightly onto him, the excitement and happiness making her feel lightheaded. She shrieked as Tony lifted her into his arms and she placed her hand gently on his cheek, stroking it with her thumb as she leant forward and kissed him. She smiled to herself as she listened to the continuous sound of the people she cared about clapping and whispered to Tony how much she loved him in between kisses.

“Maybe we should stop doing this so publicly” Tony laughed as he glanced self consciously over at the crowd of people watching them and smiling.

“Okay but just one more” Rachel giggled, kissing him again. She leant her head down on his shoulder and nestled into his neck as he walked her back down the aisle, giggling as people threw tiny pieces of confetti over them both. She couldn’t even wipe the smile off of her face, she felt so happy. Here in Tony’s arms, with her friends family and beautiful son around her; nothing else mattered.

Preview: At the wedding, Rachel received a call with the results of her chemotherapy...will she take it?

[charmed60]

Thank you so much Romeoprincess, Jarliefanever and Kirsty and to all those who've ever commented on my fic. Your support has been so overwhelming and kept me writing, I'm really grateful for everything! Thank you so much Please read my next one!

Rachel sighed happily to herself as she swayed side to side, dancing slowly with Tony’s arms wrapped around her. Brad had arranged unbeknown to Rachel for a live band to play at their reception which was held on the beach where they’d just married and a soft warm breeze gently blew across their faces. She opened her eyes and laughed to herself at what she saw across the other side of the cove.

“Have you seen those two?” Rachel questioned as she pointed at her brother. He had Harry in his arms who was giggling at him as he pulled funny faces and threw him in the air, with Leah laughing beside them.

“Looks like Brad’s going to be the cool, fun uncle” Tony observed, chuckling at his son’s hysterical laughter.

“I always wondered if those two would get together” Rachel mused out loud. Tony looked down at her, curious as to who she was referring to.

“Brad and Leah!” Rachel explained. “It would be perfect, my best friend and brother…I think they suit each other well.” She smiled to herself as she got carried away with ideas about how she could encourage them both together; she thought maybe she’d have a word with Brad later and see what his feelings were. She desperately wanted Leah and Brad to have the happiness that she was feeling right now.

“Don’t they get a say in it” Tony teased; thrilled to see Rachel being able to focus on something other than chemotherapy.

“No” she joked. “Just call me cupid.” Rachel moved her head and looked up at Tony, smiling at him as she took in the face of the man she got to call her husband. “I love you” she smiled.

“Congratulations” Martha squealed, interrupting Tony as he began to return the sentiment. “It was such a beautiful ceremony, everything was just so romantic; the sunset, the vows…”

“You’re a big softie” Tony laughed as he wrapped his arms tightly around Rachel, amused at his daughter in law’s starry-eyed expression.

“Don’t tease me” Martha pouted, “I saw a few tears coming from your eyes during the vows.”

“They weren’t tears, the sun was shining directly into my eyes” Tony joked, trying to retain some of his masculine dignity.

“Aww I thought it was cute” Rachel teased. “Only a real man can cry.” She squeezed him gently and smiled at Tony and Martha’s playful banter. Jack would be so proud of them both she thought to herself and she knew that he was there with them all; it was difficult to describe but she could sense him and she knew Tony could to.

“Rach” Leah shouted as she ran towards her and paused to catch her breath, waving a mobile phone in front of her. “Your phone rang, I wasn’t going to answer it but then I saw it was the hospital and so I answered it. It’s Derek, he said it’s important, he wants to talk to you.”

Rachel froze. The results must be back she mused. She felt her heart pounding so hard that she couldn’t catch her breath and her hand instinctively gripped Tony’s shirt, squeezing it so tightly that she was pinching his skin.

“Rach” Tony prompted as he gently pulled her hand away. He saw the colour had drained from her face and she was struggling to speak. “Maybe we should deal with this tomorrow, lets just enjoy the rest of today…”

“No” she blurted out, shaking her head furiously as she found her voice again. “I need to know.”

“Okay” Tony agreed. He’d been hoping that Rachel would wait and find out the results but it was only because he didn’t feel ready to deal with it, to deal with the fact that the cancer might not have gone. The doctors had already admitted that if the bone marrow transplant was unsuccessful then there would be nothing more they could do. “Let’s sit you down” he added as he felt Rachel shaking in his arms and her grip on him tighten. He realised that he had to try and be strong for her, it was his job to do that. As Rachel sat down on a nearby bench and reached out for the phone, Tony placed a comforting hand on hers, smiling encouragingly at her; a smile he had to use all of his strength to produce.

He watched as she mumbled softly to Derek, begging him to just tell her straight away. He desperately tried to decode her facial expressions, to try and figure out what she was being told. He took a deep breath in order to control his nerves and glanced quickly at Leah who had backed off slightly to give them space. She looked just as terrified as he was. Tony turned his attention back to Rachel when she gasped loudly and the phone dropped from her grip. Her hand flew to her mouth and she began to sob, her head lowering in an attempt to hide it from the people around her. Tony’s heart sank so low that he felt like he couldn’t breathe; their worst fears had been confirmed. She was dying. He desperately tried to think of the words to say to her but he knew that were none and so instead he drew her towards him and held her tightly, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. Tony tried everything not to cry himself but he just couldn’t stop the pain and grief which flooded his body as the realisation that his wife was going to die and there was nothing he could do hit him. He ran his fingers through Rachel’s hair in an attempt to distract him from these terrifying thoughts which were plaguing him and he closed his eyes tightly, allowing a multitude of tears to roll softly down his cheeks. He wiped them away quickly before they could fall on Rachel’s shoulders, he didn’t want her to know that he was crying. He wanted to be strong.

“I can’t believe it. After everything…” Rachel sobbed as she spoke for the first time.

“I know” Tony answered quickly. “It’s going to be okay” he whispered back, knowing that in reality it wasn’t.

“I can’t believe it’s over” Rachel continued. “It’s finally over.” Tony paused, his breath catching in his throat as he processed what she had just said. He didn’t want to dare to believe it but had he misinterpreted her reaction?

“What are you saying” Tony rambled as he pulled Rachel from his arms and cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “Are you saying…”

“It’s gone Tony” Rachel cried, her face breaking into a beaming smile. “The cancer’s all gone.” She shook her head in disbelief and placed her hands on Tony’s neck as he pulled her face towards him and rested his lips on her forehead, unable to speak. The shock of it all proved too much for him and he began to break down, his whole body shaking with sobs. Rachel pulled her hands away and wrapped her arms around his waist, stroking his back gently. A smile was fixed permanently on her face as she felt the weight which has been pressing down on her shoulders for months was finally lifted. She allowed herself to think about the future for the first time, how she could be a proper Mum to Harry, to be there for his first day at school, to comfort him when he fell down and hurt himself. All the little things that people take for granted she would get to do now.

“I’m so sorry” Tony whispered, ashamed at himself for breaking down and needing Rachel to comfort him when he thought it should be the other way round. “I just…”

“I know” Rachel interrupted, knowing that this feeling couldn’t be put into words. “Where’s Harry, he should be here.” She lifted her head up and looked around, spotting Brad standing next to Leah with Harry in his arms. They both had blank expressions on their face, unsure as to what was going on. Rachel beckoned them over and giggled when she saw Harry’s face covered in crumbs and icing.

“I take it he liked the wedding cake” she laughed, reaching out her hands for her son.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t know if he was allowed any but he stuck his hand in and it was too late to stop him” Brad apologised, cautiously watching his sister and brother in law. “Bloss, is…is everything okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Everything’s perfect” she smiled instantly as she nestled her face into Harry’s neck and began to cry; the realisation hitting her again. She felt Tony place his hand comfortingly on her back and Brad looked between the both of them, trying to work out whether he should be smiling or crying.

“Tony?” Brad enquired, hoping he could encourage his brother in law to tell him.

“Rach, do you want to tell them?” Tony whispered, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. She kissed Harry’s head and lifted her head up slowly, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“The leukaemia is gone” she beamed through watery eyes. “I’m in remission now; they think I’m going to be okay.” Tony rubbed the top of her arm and drew her close to him as they both smiled at Brad and Leah. Overcome with shock and excitement, Leah rushed forward shrieking, enveloping them both in a hug. Brad copied causing Rachel to scream with surprise and Harry; thinking it was a game; began to giggle from underneath the mass of arms.

“Okay, I can’t breath” Rachel laughed, her voice muffled as she struggled for fresh air.

“I’m sorry” Leah apologise as she pulled away, wiping cake that Harry had managed to smother from her shoulder. “I just, I can’t believe it, it’s so exciting” she rambled.

“I knew you’d pull through it” Brad smiled proudly. “For a little sister you’re pretty damn strong. I’m just so sorry I wasn’t there for you” he apologised, washed with guilt. “It’s just after Emily…”

“Hey, it’s okay I understand. And you’re here now” she smiled, reaching forward and squeezing his hand gently.

“Well we’ll leave you two to celebrate” Leah smiled as she placed her arm on the small of Brad’s back and encouraged him to move away with her.

“Yeah we’ll just be over here doing….something” Brad rambled before turning around and placing his arm on Leah’s shoulder.

“Did you see that” Rachel shrieked. “There’s something going on between those two I know it.” Tony laughed at her and took off his jacket, wrapping it around Rachel’s shoulders as he noticed her shivering against the cold.

“Are you warm enough” he asked her, smiling as he looked down and saw Harry’s eyes rolling as he began to doze off in Rachel’s arms.

“Perfect thank you” she replied, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. Now that all the excitement was over and the adrenaline had gone, she realised how exhausted she was. Today had just been unbelievable, she couldn’t process the fact that she wouldn’t have to have any chemotherapy anymore, that almost daily trips to the hospital wouldn’t need to be done anymore and that she didn’t have to live in fear that one night she might go to bed and not wake up in the morning. She felt like she was back in that place where everything in her life was perfect; she had an amazing, supportive, gorgeous husband and a beautiful child who was doing something new every day. She knew that eventually something would come along to make things more testing, that’s what life was all about. But what the cancer had taught her was that as long as she had her family by her side, she knew that she could get through anything.

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