Goodbye My Friend

[pamy]

Story Title: Goodbye my friend

Type of story: One shot

Main Characters: Jack Holden

BTTB rating: G

Genre: General

Does story include spoilers: No

Any warnings: death

Summary: Jack and james had been friends for years. But one night everything changed. Now James is dead and Jack is left to pick up the pieces.

Goodbye my friend

Dark clouds gathered in the sky. A cold breeze blew through the land. He did not notice. He did not care. Nobody did. It’s not like it mattered. Nothing mattered at that moment. It seemed as if nothing ever would matter again. He looked around for the first time. It seems weird how many people show up at a funeral. How many lives one person can touched. It’s almost like people feel obliged to come. Especially when you’re a cop. The amount of cops standing on the cemetery is unbelievable. There were people who he swore he’d never seen before. People he would probably never see again.

Oh we never know where life will take us

I know it’s just a ride on the wheel

And we never know when death will shake us

And we wonder how it will feel

He was still standing on the same spot. Staring at the coffin. He couldn’t feel anything. He knew he should but he couldn’t. He did not feel pain. He did not feel the need to cry. He knew he would eventually. He knew that the pain would overwhelm him sometime. But not right now. Some people told him that the funeral would help him move on. That watching the coffin being lowered into the ground would help him. Help him deal with it. Help him accept the harsh reality.

He had no need for that. He had already accepted it. He was not fooling himself. He knew what had happened. Seeing his best friend, his partner getting shot. Watching as he fell to the ground had taken his breath away. But seeing him there lying in a pool of his own blood had been enough. Enough to accept what had happened. To realize it wasn’t a dream. So he didn’t need to accept the reality. He already had. For now he just stood there between his colleagues.

Unable to feel.

So goodbye my friend

I know I’ll never see you again

But the time together trough all the years

Will not take away these tears

It’s okay now…

Goodbye my friend

The funeral seemed to go on forever. The priest just kept talking. You did not hear a word he said. You’re sure it was a good speech. But you didn’t’ hear a word of it. Finally after what seemed like forever, people started to leave. But he stays there. Staring at where the coffin had been. His best friend, gone forever. All there was left of him was a pile of sand. Sand covered with flowers. In every colour.

A soft smile appeared on his face. It was the first time he smiled since that fateful night. The night that he was sure would haunt him forever. But for now he wasn’t thinking of that. He was thinking of how ridiculous it really was. James had hated flowers. Hadn’t liked a thing about them. He couldn’t understand why girls seemed to love them so much. There was only one flower he ever like. Lilly’s. But of all the flowers on the grave there was not one lily.

Somehow that just seemed wrong.

I see a lot of things that make me crazy

And I guess I held on to you

I could’ve run away and left

Well, maybe…

But it wasn’t time, we both knew

He didn’t hear the people leave. Barely reacted as they spoke their condolences. He didn’t care. Would never care. Finally almost everybody had left. The only people still left where the people that had worked with James. But of all of them he was the closest to him. He had gone to high school with him. To the police academy. They had been partners since day one. When his mother had died, so many years ago, it had been James who had comforted him.

Finally they all started to leave. Leaving only him and James’s fiancé. They did not cry, nor did they talk to each other. They just stood there, side by side. Staring at the grave. The grave that held the one person that had always brought a smile to their faces. Eventually Paula also left. Leaving only him there. Alone. Alone staring at the grave. Remembering the last moments of James’s life.

A memory that would haunt him forever.

So goodbye, my friend

I know I’ll never see you again

But the love you gave me trough all the years

Will take away these tears

It’s okay now…

Goodbye, my friend

Looking back on it years later (not that he could ever say he truly did that) he could not remember how long he stood there. Nor what he felt or thought at that moment. He was not sure when exactly Paula left, only that she did. He could not tell you what had happened, or why it had happened. Only that it did. He had no explanations for what had happened. It had all happened so fast.

In the distance he saw Harry Chambers standing there. He had been following him this entire time. Never leaving him alone. Hating him. Always trying to get everybody on his side. Jack could understand that he supposed. He had after all lost his only daughter. He knew that Harry must be in so much pain. He was in pain. He would never be able to forget her face. But Harry Chambers did not come closer. Left him alone. With his pain. With his grieve.

This was after all not the time. Nor the place.

Life’s so fragile and love’s so pure

We can’t hold on but we try

We watch how quickly it disappears

And we never know why

It took him less than a week to decide to leave. Reflecting on it later he had always known he would leave. He could not stay in that place. Not in the place where his best friend had lived and died. He had probably decided the second James had died. Not that it mattered. His friends and co-workers tried to convince him to stay. They all said it was not his fault. He had shot in self-defence. Harry Chambers would leave him alone eventually.

As if that was the reason he was leaving. As if that really mattered. He could understand why Harry didn’t leave him alone. He wasn’t going to forgive him. If he couldn’t forgive himself how could Chambers ever forgive him? He simply didn’t want to stay. Eventually they let it go. They understood. Or perhaps they just told him that. It’s not like it truly mattered. The day the were leaving he went to his grave. He can’t tell you how long he stood there just that he did. He knew his brother and father were waiting for him. Would wait for him until he was ready to go.

He fell down on his knees in front of his stone

But I’m okay now,

Goodbye my friend

I can go now

Goodbye my friend

He could still not believe it had actually happened. Could not wrap his head around it. After everything they had been trough together. His mother dying. His father leaving. High school. College. All those years. All those memories. All those moments. He could not believe it had ended like this. That all of it was over. That he would never hear James laugh again. Or crack on of his ridiculous jokes. It was over. Just like that, his best friend was dead.

He stared at the name on the stone. It’s ironic that after everything that one person goes trough. After all the feelings they have, the only thing that is left of a person is a name on a stone. After everything they had done. Every life they had touched, every life they were touched by. All that was left of them was a name on a grave. Just a simple name. And nothing else.

One name. Just five letters.

But I’m okay now

Goodbye my friend

You can go now

Goodbye my friend

He stayed there for a while. Staring at the name. Remembering his friend. After a while, how long he never knew nor ever cared to know, he got up. He sighed. James was gone. He would never return. He had never understood why people talked to graves. The person they had once known was gone. All that was left of them were bones. They weren’t there anymore. So why talk to a grave? He had never understood. Would probably never understand.

He closed his eyes. For the first time in weeks. For the first time since James had died, tears rolled over his cheeks. Sobs were breaking trough the silence. Suddenly the skies broke upon and rain fell down. It was almost as if his best friend was crying with him. Slowly he walked away. At the end of the graveyard he turned around. In the distance he could still see his grave.

Softly he whispered a simple sentence.

‘ Goodbye my friend.’

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