Don't Slide

[Louise_2983]

Story Title: Don't Slide

Type of story: One shot

Main Characters: Aden and Belle

BTTB rating: A

Genre: Drama, Angst

Does story include spoilers: No.

Any warnings: Drug references

Summary: Belle "accidentally" gatecrashes Aden's Buck's night. Was her mistake intentional? Can she trust him after what happened with Nicole and has he forgiven her for all her lies?

“Even on a day like this when you’re crawling on the floor, reaching for the phone to ring anyone who knows you anymore”

You ache inside as she walks swiftly towards you feigning surprise at the coincidence she’s probably had pencilled in her diary for weeks now. Saturday July 11th 4.30: Hairdressers, 7.30: Meet the girls, 10:00 Check up on Aden. And you hate her for that. But simultaneously you love her for it too. Because she cares. For the first time in your life somebody actually cares, cares enough to stand by you in the torrential rain of problems you’ve created, cares enough to agree to marry you in spite of them and cares enough to sacrifice her own hen night to make sure you haven't strayed.

She cares but she doesn’t trust.

And you’re beginning to wonder whether she ever really has, whether she truly fell like you did or if there was always something holding her back, preventing her from completely handing over her heart. A chain of distrust shackling her to the past where she is surrounded by constant reminders of the nasty comments and misdemeanours which fill your history book. If she doesn’t trust you then you know that she can never truly know you, never truly love you, because no matter how strong it is, love alone is never enough. Without trust reality will always be a major obstacle blocking any path you walk down together and it is almost inevitable that one day there will only be one set of footprints when you look down upon the rough terrain.

But you don’t want to look down, or indeed forward, because you can’t bring yourself to imagine a time when she isn’t in your life, when you can’t reach out and just hold her when everything becomes too much, when you can’t call out her name and know that she’ll be there. More than anything in the world you want this woman to become your wife tomorrow but inside nausea over comes you as the knowledge that this isn’t perfection hovers before your eyes haunting you as though it’s a ghost from your past sent to remind you that you don’t deserve this.

And neither does she, she deserves so much better and you know that one day she will find it and then she will be gone from your life forever.

“Staring at the same four walls have you tried to help yourself?… Think that pain belongs to you but it happens to us all”

You’ve made such a mess of things , you’re well aware of that. Is there any wonder she doesn’t trust you? But maybe if she did then it would be easier. Not that you blame her, you adore this woman and if you were her then you wouldn’t trust you either but somehow being faithful is even harder when you know that whatever you do people are always going to have their doubts about you. That she’s always going to have doubts. That no matter how much she protests that she loves and trusts you it will always be there at the back of her mind.

And that thought suffocates you as you stand here surrounded by flashing disco lights and men you wouldn’t even call your friends. Men who probably don’t even like you. They’re just here for the alcohol. You struggle for breath and somewhere far away you can hear a hazy voice asking if you’re okay. You open your mouth to reply but although your mouth makes the shape of the words you’re trying to vocalise there is no sound, it’s almost as though someone has pressed your mute button. The room’s beginning to spin and you can’t bear this for a second longer, you have to get out of here to taste the fresh, crisp night air, to lose yourself on a random street where you could be nobody, anybody. Anybody but yourself.

“It’s all right to make mistakes you’re only human, inside everybody’s hiding something…”

You’ve made a mistake. In fact if you’re being honest, you’ve made many mistakes . More than you can remember and you know that there’s many more to come. Because you’re human and human’s make mistakes it’s a simple fact of life, as simple as the sun rising each morning and setting each night. If you could find a man who’d never made a mistake in his life then you’d do the right thing, step back and let him marry her tomorrow but whose to say that in a few years time she won’t discover that he’s a serial killer or something just as, bad? Everyone makes mistakes, everyone hides the truth sometimes because sometimes the truth can hurt more than the lie, her distrust cuts through you like the sharpest of knives whereas when she was the one lying, when she was using behind your back your relationship was perfect. Perfect apart from the fact that it was based on a lie of course but her admitting everything hadn’t solved the problem, it had just given your problems extra dimensions.

Slowly you run your finger over the address embossed in gold ink onto the business card the random blonde handed you earlier, it would be so easy just to turn around and get in the taxi behind you, to turn up on her doorstep and be the person you want to be, free from the person you are. To have to somebody listen and not judge, to have somebody hold you and not expect you to change in return. You turn around, glance at the driver and take a deep breath………..

“It’s alright to make mistakes you’re only human, inside everybody’s hiding something. Take time to catch your breath and choose your moment…

Don’t slide”.

(Nb: All song lyrics in bold and taken from Don’t Slide by Dido)

Comments