The Darkness

[TelephotoMarigold]

Warning: Some upsetting scenes

Chapter 30 – Don’t Cry

Ella was standing in the corridor of the hospital watching as they wheeled Roman away on the trolley. Aden was standing near her and he guided her into an examination room.

She looked at the floor and in a voice she didn’t recognise as her own she told him.

“I need a rape kit done.”

Aden gasped and felt reaction set in.

“El?” he questioned.

She looked at him, moving stiffly to the bed and then nodded, a single tear falling down her face.

He handed her a hospital gown.

“I’ll get Rachel.” He told her.

“Why can’t you…” she began to ask and saw him shake his head.

“I can’t.” he told her, his voice thick with emotion.

She nodded and watched as he left the room. He and Rachel were back moments later.

“How are you doing Ella?” Rachel asked her softly.

She shook her head unable to speak.

“Ok sweetie. I need to get you undressed and put these clothes into an evidence bag.” She told her.

Ella pulled off the T-shirt slowly and tried not to flinch when she heard Aden gasp.

“Aden could you step outside please?” Rachel asked him watching as the man walked out and closed the door behind him.

“Ella, can you tell me what happened?” Rachel said.

“He cut me.” She said.

“Ok, I need to take some pictures of this. Is that ok?” Rachel asked keeping her voice devoid of the emotion she was really feeling. She helped Ella stand up and remove her jeans. She saw the cuts on her thighs and wanted to cry. Ella turned around slowly and Rachel saw more bite marks and cuts on her back.

“Ok. Let’s get this gown on you.” She put the gown on and left it down so that she could photograph the marks on her shoulders and upper torso. She then photographed her back and then she helped Ella onto the bed and carefully raised the gown so that her breasts were left covered but her stomach could be photographed. She placed a folded sheet across her pelvis.

When she finished taking photos she did an exam and took samples. She took scrapping from underneath Ella’s fingernails and then attended to the worst of the cuts.

“Let me get you up and to the shower.” Rachel told her.

She helped Ella to a sitting position and then to stand. She placed some hospital slippers on the floor next to her feet and watched as Ella slowly put her feet into them. Pulling open a cupboard she handed her a wash kit, specially prepared. Ella looked down at it and started crying.

Rachel fetched another gown and laid it cape like on her shoulders.

“Ella I’m going to walk you to the showers, ok?” Rachel said.

Ella nodded.

Rachel walked over and opened the door. She saw Aden standing outside in the corridor and she gave a brief nod to him before bringing Ella into the corridor and walking her down it.

Roman walked out of his room and saw Aden standing there, he looked up and saw Ella being led down the corridor and he knew immediately what had happened. He shouted her name and tried to move towards her only to find his path blocked by Aden first and then Geoff. He moaned as he saw the look on Ella’s face and struggled to get to her.

“No Dad” Aden gasped, not realising what he called the other man.

“Ella!” Roman called.

Geoff and Aden eventually pushed Roman back into his room, Nicole having recieved word from Geoff ahd met them at the hospital then closed the door and stood in front of it. Roman sank onto the bed.

“Why didn’t she tell us?” he asked them.

“That’s why. You’re acting like a mad man. She doesn’t need that,” Nicole said.

“You knew?” he gasped the question.

Nicole nodded slowly, then looking at Geoff she said softly “Rape victims can always tell.”

Aden looked away from them.

“You too?” Roman asked his daughter.

“No I was lucky, it didn’t go that far.” She said. She placed a brief touch on Aden’s arm before walking over to Geoff’s side. He put his arm around her and gave her a quick kiss on the side of her head.

“You can’t let her see you like this.” Aden said. He turned away from the look of grief in Roman’s eyes and said. “She asked me to do the rape kit but I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough.” His eyes were downcast.

Nicole exchanged a look with Geoff and walked over to Aden to take him in her arms.

“We have to be strong for each other now.” She told him and saw Geoff give a nod of assent.

Roman sat on the bed his strength leaving him. He started to gasp feeling his chest tighten with each breath. Aden looked up at the sound of his breathing and moving out of Nicole’s arms he walked over to the bed. He pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the other mans breathing. He didn’t like the sound of it so he pressed the call button for assistance.

“Geoff help me get him flat on the bed and then I need you and Nicole to wait outside!” Aden instructed.

Geoff moved over to the bed and helped get Roman flat, pulling the pillows out from under his head as Aden let down the bed. He stepped hurriedly away and let the professional medical staff in. He took hold of Nicole’s arm and led her outside. He could feel his wife shake as emotion took over and he had to admit that he felt the same.

“Incubate.” They heard the instruction from inside the room, followed by “Chest tube.”

Nicole gasped and Geoff led her to a chair in the waiting room sensing that she needed to sit down.

“What’s happening?” she asked in a bewildered voice.

Geoff looked at her.

“I can’t say it’s going to be ok Nic, I wish I could but you are right we have to be strong.” He told her. He sat next to her and put his arm around her, his lips moving in a silent prayer.

Aden came out of the Roman’s room a half-hour later. He came and found them. Crouching down he looked at Geoff and took hold of Nicole’s hand.

“He’s ok. A broken rib punched his lung and it collapsed causing air to go into the chest cavity. We will be keeping an eye on him for the next few hours but everything should be fine.” Aden smiled and was nearly bowled over when Nicole launched herself at him.

“Thank you!” she cried.

He held her for a moment until she was able to sit back down and breathe again. She held Geoff’s hand again and whispered her thanks to him, knowing that he had prayed for her Dad.

They looked up and saw Rachel standing a way away. Aden moved to sit beside them and waited to see what the other doctor had to say.

“Ella is ok.” She told them. “She’s going to need some help from each of you. Gardy raped her and it was traumatic. She’s asked me to tell you that much and ask you to please respect that she is not able to talk about it.” They looked up as Rachel stopped talking and saw that she was crying. “He.” She tried to tell them and couldn’t, taking a deep breath she began to speak again. “He brutalised her.“

Nicole gasped and burst into tears unable to hold them back. Geoff and Aden exchanged a look each of them thinking that Roman was going to kill Gardy when he got a chance.

Rachel took a long moment trying to get it together as she told them

“Ella has requested that none of you tell Roman. She’s aware that he suspects but she needs to be able to tell him herself. Charlie is with her at the moment taking a statement.” Rachel said. “Aden, I’m aware that you need a bit of time but I need you to come with me for a few minutes.” She said to him.

Aden nodded and stood up following Rachel down the corridor and into an empty room.

She turned to him.

“Ella is going to be ok, Aden. Obviously we will all need to help her. I’ve recommended counselling and she will be seeing someone soon. Your reaction was understandable in this case, but I think that you should sit down and have a chat with someone about what you have been going through.” Rachel paused. “Obviously I will be recommending that all of you sit down with someone at some point but I think that with your history,” she brushed over his own trauma, “that you might be …”

Aden interrupted bitterly.

“In need of therapy!” he said.

“Actually no, I was going to say better placed to provide her with a base for showing that people can get over this kind of trauma. But if you think that is what I really was going to say then perhaps you should see someone sooner rather than later, hmm?” she placed a gentle hand on his arm.

“I’m sorry Rachel, it’s been a tough few months.” He told her. He glanced his hand briefly over his face and exhaled slowly.

“It is alright Aden I do understand.” She said to him.

He smirked.

“Especially being held hostages by a madman eh?” he asked referring to their own history.

“Oh that bit was the highlight of my moving to Summer Bay!” she grinned suddenly at the black humour.

Aden returned to the others and saw that Charlie was sitting with them.

“Hello Aden. I was telling Geoff that I need to take a statement from him. I will also need one from you too. And I need to warn you that the army is trying to take custody of Gardy.” She informed them.

“No Charlie, not after what he has done.” Nicole said. “If the army take him he won’t be punished.”

“I agree.” Added Roman’s voice from behind them.

Aden turned to the voice.

“Roman!” Aden protested. “You need to be in bed.“

Roman held up his hand.

“I need to see Ella.” He said to them.

Geoff stood and moved towards the other man.

“Do you think that seeing her in the state you are in is going to help?” Geoff asked him.

“Geoff I know ok, I know. But I can’t let her go to sleep tonight without at least telling her I love her.” Roman said not noticing Nicole’s flinch.

“No!” Nicole shouted, standing up. “No, no, no, no!” She said. “Leave her alone, leave us alone. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for you. You shouldn’t have left us.” Nicole gasped as Geoff caught hold of her and pulled her away.

“Aden get him back to his room.” Geoff took control as they all seemed in shock.

Aden took hold of Roman’s arm and guided him back to him room. He returned the man to bed and instructed him to stay still and if he tried to do anything stupid like try and find Ella then he would have her removed from the hospital and placed somewhere he couldn’t find her.

He returned to the waiting area and saw that Nicole and Geoff were gone, leaving only Charlie. He gave his statement and agreed to go to the station to fill in any blanks the following day.

“Charlie,” he called as she started moving away.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Do us a favour and shoot the........” He said.

“After talking to Ella I wish I wasn’t a cop and had to follow rules.” She told him sadly. “But I promise you that I’ll make sure he pays for what he has put you through. All of you.” She turned and put on her cap and walked away leaving Aden wishing that they hadn’t pulled Roman away when they had the chance, but the man didn’t deserve that kind of death he deserved something much slower and far more painful.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 31 …..

Rachel walked into Ella’s room just before midnight. She’d been off duty for a number of hours but hadn’t been able to go home, despite feeling the need to give her children a hug.

“Hey.” She said softly.

“Hey.” Ella replied her voice quiet. “How’s Roman?” she asked.

“Like you he’s awake and asking about you.”

Ella looked up.

“Can I go see him?” she asked.

“Are you sure?” Rachel asked.

“He already knows what happened.” Ella shrugged. “I think I’ll be able to sleep if I go to him.”

Rachel came over and helped her out of bed.

“You know it’s going to take time don’t you?” Rachel asked softly. “There will be days when you felt like this hasn’t happened but then you’ll remember.” She said leading Ella to Roman’s room.

“You too?” Ella asked.

Rachel nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry.“ Ella said placing her hand on top of Rachel’s hand for a brief moment.

Rachel nodded and then knocked on the door of Roman’s room before opening it.

“Hello.” Rachel called.

Roman looked up and saw Ella standing there.

“Hey! He said softly.

“Hey you.” She replied.

“Do you want me to leave?” Rachel asked.

Ella nodded and watched as Rachel went out.

Roman held out his hand and Ella slowly walked over to him.

She took his hand as tears started falling from her eyes.

“You don’t have to say anything if it’s too hard.” Roman told her softly.

She nodded.

“Will you hold me?” she asked her voice barely audible.

Roman moved on the bed and she climbed in beside him. He put his arm underneath her, letting her guide how much contact she could stand.

“I love you Ella, nothing will ever change that.” He told her quietly. He felt her shake as she moved in the bed and felt his body against hers. After a moment he moved slightly and let her settle again. He felt her sigh and she said the words he dreaded.

“He raped me.”

“I know.” Roman told her, he couldn’t prevent himself from pressing a gentle kiss to her head.

She pulled his arm around her and he pulled the blanket over them. Softly crying she sighed and fell asleep next to him. Roman felt himself drifting off to sleep next to her.

She woke slowly just as the light was coming in through the window.

“Hey.” He whispered.

“Hello.” She said. She eased up off the bed and put her feet on the floor before lifting them up again.

“Cold tiles?” he asked.

She chuckled.

“Yes.” She told him.

“Stay there I will get you some slippers.” He said.

“It’s not going to change us is it.” she asked suddenly.

“Yes El, only for a while until some of the pain goes away. But I love you. I will do anything to help you through this, to get us through this. If you need to cling on to anything then focus on that.” He said and looked at her.

She was crying.

She held up her arms and he walked around to the side of the bed she was sitting on to put his arms around her. He held her loosely and let her guide what contact she needed.

“I love you.” She told him her voice breaking. “Tell me you don’t blame me.” She asked from out of no where.

“How could you think I would. Don’t confuse what he did with an act of love because it wasn’t. It was about control and hate and anger.” He told her gently. “You are still my El, you will find a way to laugh again and love again. He can’t take that from you ever.”

She looked into his eyes and pressed her lips briefly to his.

“See. That’s love. Not what he did.” Roman pressed his lips to hers.

She half smiled.

He found the hospital slippers for her and walked her slowly back to her room. She looked up at him.

“Can we go see the babies?” she asked.

He nodded.

“I’m sure it’ll be fun when they have a heart attack because they can’t find us.” He told her and helped her over to the lifts.

She almost smiled.

“By the way why are you in hospital?” she asked finally.

“Its nothing.” He said.

“So if I jab you in the ribs like I normally do when you tell me it’s nothing you’ll be fine will you?” she asked.

He smiled at her.

“Well maybe not .I have a couple of cracked ribs.” he confessed with a half-truth.

She looked at him.

“Ok one is broken and it punctured a lung which collapsed but its ok because my son is a doctor.” Roman grinned.

She looked at him again.

“Ok, so my son in law can conduct funeral services but I plan never to call on his talents.” Roman said.

She laughed, briefly.

They climbed into the lift and he pretended not to notice when she flinched from him.

The walked on to the maternity floor and into the wing that housed their children. She noticed immediately that Sophie was in a normal crib. She beamed at him and walked over to her.

“Hey, Sophie, this is your mummy.” She said and for the first time picked her up.

She took her into the side room and sat in the rocker.

“Do you want to feed her?” the nurse asked.

She nodded but looked at Roman.

“I’m sorry I can’t.” she told him with tears in her eyes.

He smiled.

“Yes you can.” He told her. He picked up a blanket and handed it to her turning his back so she could feed the baby. She pulled the blanket so she was covered.

“You can look now.” She told him.

He turned and could just see a glimpse of Sophie nursing. He tried not to stare but she really was beautiful.

He held out his hand and she took it in hers and smiled at him, tears pouring from her eyes.

“I do love you.” She told him.

“I love you.” He said softly. He sat in a chair by her and touched Sophie’s head.

“She is beautiful.” He told her a catch in his voice. “Thank you for having my babies. And never ever scare me like that again.” He added.

She smiled at him.

“But it was worth it.” she said.

She pulled her hand away and moved Sophie to the other breast, covering up with a blanket.

“You are beautiful and I can understand why you won’t accept that right now but you are.” His voice broke.

She looked at him.

“It will be ok.” she told him.

“I know.” He said. “I’m just not as strong as you are El. All I want to do is rip him apart.”

She half smiled.

“Trust me I know the feeling.” she told him “but it won’t change anything will it?”

He nodded.

“No but I would enjoy it.” he admitted and saw her give a quick grin.

“We will get through this. You told me we would so I have to believe you.” She said.

She handed him Sophie.

“Nappy change.” She told him.

“Forget it. I haven’t done one of those for years. Give me a gun to field strip and I can do it blindfold.” He admitted a look of fear on his face.

“Wuss.” She said.

She smiled up at him surprised at how easy it was and walked him over to the changing table.

He lay Sophie on the table and she guided him through the process of changing her nappy. He pressed a kiss to the top of Sophie’s head after and sat down in the chair while Ella fetched Georgie. She began to nurse him and reached out to hold Roman’s hand.

“Not quite how I imagined it.” she said her voice breaking.

“But we are here.” He said.

He lifted her hand and kissed it.

She smiled at him.

Suddenly tears poured down her face.

He squeezed her hand and let her cry,

After a long moment she looked at him.

“You do understand don’t you?” she asked.

“No.” he told her. “I wish I did but I’ll never be able to know how it is for you or even to be there for you. I know you are hurting and I don’t have words to help so I’m just here.” He said softly. “I’m hoping that something will get through and let you know that I love you and I’ll always love you.”

She smiled at him.

“Well Georgie needs his nappy changed too.” She told him.

“Wasn’t quite what I had in mind.” They did an awkward swap and somehow he managed to change Georgie without too many hassles and then sat back down next to her.

He found himself drifting to sleep and looked over to see that Ella was already asleep.

“Hey.” He said softly.

Her eyes sprung open.

“We should get back to our rooms.” He told her.

She looked sad.

“I was peaceful here.” She mourned.

“I know El, but the babies need their rest.” He told her. “And I’m sure my doctor will tell me off for being out of bed.”

She watched as he put Georgie to bed and then handed him Sophie. He pressed a kiss on both babies before settling them down watching as she smiled at him.

She held out her hand to him and he tugged gently helping her stand stepping back so she wasn’t crowded with him being so close.

She smiled at him

“Thank you.” She told him.

He smiled and walked with her back to her room.

She turned to him.

“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? “ she asked.

“Do you want to come back with me?” he asked and saw her nod.

He guided her to his room and settled back into bed with her.

“Don’t let him get me again.” She told him as she fell asleep.

“Never.” He told her. “ I promise to keep you safe now.”

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 32…We can work it out..

Aden started rounds and made his way to Roman’s room. He smiled when he saw two figures in the bed through the small window in the door and made sure he knocked before he entered.

“Yes?” Roman called sleepily.

“Good morning.” Aden called out softly.

“Hey son.” Roman said to him.

“That is a good sign.” Aden said to him

Roman smiled.

“She’s been here all night but we did go and see the babies earlier.” Roman told him.

Aden took his blood pressure and pulse and annotated his chart.

“I think we may release you in a couple of days.” Aden told him. “Charlie will be around later to take a statement.”

“Aden, thank you.” Roman told him.

The two men looked at each other.

“Dad.” Aden said.

“I know.” Roman told him his voice breaking.

“It….” Aden began.

“Son.” Roman interrupted softly still trying to keep his voice down so that he didn’t wake her, “We’ll talk soon.”

Aden nodded and left them.

He got partway down the corridor before the emotion got to him and he felt his vision blur with tears. That was when Nic and Geoff found him.

“Come on Aden.” Geoff said to him and led him to the canteen and sat with him while he had a coffee. He nodded to Nic who let them go. She went and sat in the waiting room and picked up a magazine to read until they got back.

“She’s in there with him.” Aden told the other man softly. “After what she’s been through she’s in there in his arms. Rachel told me that she wouldn’t sleep last night until she saw him. So Bible boy even if I did have feelings for her I couldn’t compete with that could I?” Aden grimaced. “And Roman knows but he still called me son.”

Aden took a swallow of the bitter black coffee he had ordered and looked at Geoff.

“Because you are. He loves you.” Geoff said softly.

“And what have I done to him?” Aden muttered,

“You’ve cared for his daughter, told your children to love him and call him Grandpa, become my brother.” Geoff told him. “No one bad deed ever cancels out all the good.”

Aden looked up.

“And you didn’t sleep with her did you?” Geoff asked him.

Aden shook his head slowly.

“No we kept stopping each other and then it seemed as though the attraction was gone the next time we saw each other.”

“Then perhaps it was there because you needed it to be so that you could work out who you truly love. Aden, every person gets tempted at one stage or another. Even me.” Geoff told him.

“You bible boy?” Aden asked, his tone slightly mocking.

“Of course even Bible boys are not immune.” He said. “It was during the last months of Nic’s pregnancy and one of the nurses here.”

“But you didn’t act on it.” Aden told him. “I did. I kissed her. And it was worse because it was El.”

Geoff grinned.

“No I didn’t kiss her. But I wanted to and I ensured that I kept seeing her even though I knew it was wrong.”

“Did you tell Nic?” Aden asked him.

Geoff shook his head.

“I didn’t have to she knew.”

Aden’s head snapped up.

“You are saying that Belle probably knows?” he asked.

“Maybe.” Geoff said.

“So how did you and Nic cope?” Aden asked at last.

“One night she pampered me. She cooked my favourite dinner and played my favourite music with the exception of being able to make love it was a wonderful night. And the following day we had a scan and I saw the nurse again and I looked at her and then at Nic and I knew I wanted Nic more than any temporary relief from my frustration. I knew that it wasn’t just about Sex though, it was about time and not thinking about the baby and worrying about everything. And I had been missing time with my beautiful wife.” Geoff told him slowly.

Aden sighed.

“How come you don’t call me beautiful anymore?” Belle said from behind them. She kissed Aden softly on the lips and looked into his eyes.

“Oh because you’ll get a swelled head.” he told her trying for a grin.

She and Nic sat with them.

Nic looked over at Geoff and smiled at him taking his hand in hers and giving it a squeeze.

“Charlie is taking Dad’s statement.” Nic told them.

“What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were off doing stuff this morning.” Aden asked softly.

Belle reached over and took hold of his hand.

“I thought my husband could probably do with a visit is all.” She smiled at him.

He smiled back.

“Yes I did.” He told her an emotional catch in his voice.

“Now why don’t you finish your rounds and then we’ll have lunch and if you want we can talk a bit.” She smiled at him. “I love you Aden.” She said softly.

He lent forward and kissed her.

“I love you too.”

She smiled.

“I know. I never doubted that.” She looked into his eyes, “Not for one moment.”

Aden stood.

He looked over at Geoff, watching as the other man nodded at him before he walked out of the canteen and back to work.

Nic moved around the table and sat next to Belle and held her hand.

The two women smiled softly at each other.

Belle looked up and smiled at Geoff.

“El told me.” She said. “She apologised and told me if I couldn’t forgive her she would understand but that I needed to give Aden time because it wasn’t just the guilt of hurting me that would eat at him it would be the fact that Roman would be hurt.” She added softly. “She said that they were going to tell Roman as soon as he were home but she wanted me to know from her. That Aden telling me would hurt him twice as much and he was already hurting because this was about Roman too.”

Nic looked at Geoff and smiled gently at him. He looked into her shining eyes and fell in love with her all over again. She’d never said a word about the nurse but he knew that she must have been hurt by it.

“I’m not a saint though, I slapped her.” Belle said suddenly. “And she held me when I cried after. And pulled me back together in time to get the children and carry on like nothing had happened. I couldn’t do the same if I were in her shoes. I once cheated on one of my boyfriends, more than what happened between Aden and El, and when we were found out, well I hid away I didn’t face up to what happened like El.”

“Aden said she was in with Roman.” Geoff murmured.

“Rachel took her back to her room.” Nic said.

“What?” Geoff asked.

“She had a nightmare and completely went hysterical.” Nic admitted. “Dad had to call for help. He’s shaken up.” Nic said softly.

“I can bet.” Geoff said. “How are you doing?” He asked her.

Nic smiled.

“I’m worried.” She admitted. “I need to speak to my Dad about last night.”

“I think it was understandable. “ Geoff told her.

“No it wasn’t. I blamed Dad but maybe if I’d told my Dad about Gardy the first time round none of this would have happened.” She said finally.

Belle sighed.

“Nothing would have stopped this. It was fated. Maybe if Aden and I hadn’t come back to the bay and you two hadn’t have finally got married and El bringing her son to see Roman.” Belle said. “Life is a big bag of what if’s and maybes.”

They saw Charlie walk into the canteen and she walked over to them.

“Hello.” Charlie said.

“Hey.” Geoff said.

She sat down next to them.

“The army are pressing charges against Gardy and the evidence in the warehouse is enough to put him inside for a long time.” Charlie told them. “Not to mention the other information they have on him.”

“And what about what he did to Ella?” Nic asked quickly.

“That is up to Ella. We will press charges if she wants us to.” Charlie said softly.

“Why wouldn’t she? What he did to her was evil.” Nic said, feeling herself get upset and angry all over again.

“Nic.” Geoff cautioned.

Charlie looked at her.

“I’m sorry Nic, I know this is difficult. Ella needs to think about the effects of what a court case could do to her. If she decides to go ahead then it may be as traumatic relating the events in court as when it happened.” Charlie said softly her expression sympathetic.

Nic sighed as she stood form the table.

“I’m sorry Charlie I know that its not you but I think that even with a prison sentence he will never be punished enough for what he has done.” Nic walked slowly away from them.

“Should I go after….” Belle began to ask.

Geoff shook his head.

“No she needs to see Roman and maybe go and check on Ella. She’s very angry at the moment and she needs to work through it.” Geoff told her.

“There is something else.” Charlie told them.

Geoff looked up.

“This isn’t good news is it?” he asked.

“Gardy has stated that he is HIV positive. I’ve told Rachel and she’s counselling Ella.”

Charlie told them.

“Don’t they test for this during the Rape Kit?” Belle asked.

“Yes. But it takes some time for the results to come through.” Charlie told them. “I’m convinced he’s said this to hurt Ella a bit more. But that is just my personal opinion.”

Geoff looked at Belle and saw that she was struggling to hold back tears.

“Thank you Charlie. I appreciate you telling us.” Geoff said.

“Well if it gets out that I have done then it’s my job on the line.” She told them watching as Geoff nodded.

They stood and began walking out of the Canteen. Geoff and Belle making their way to see Roman as Charlie walked slowly toward the exit.

They found Nic sitting by his bed. She placed her finger on her lips and they saw that Roman was asleep.

“Apparently, someone unhooked his morphine drip last night when he took Ella to see the babies. So the nurse has given him a large injection of something.” Nic told them.

She didn’t see the horrified look on Belle’s face.

“Does Ella feed the babies?” Belle asked softly.

Nic nodded.

Belle and Geoff shared a look.

He came over and knelt next to Nic and he took hold of her hand.

“Nic, honey, “ he began his voice emotional. “We’ve been told that Gardy is HIV positive.”

Nic burst into tears.

“No.” she cried out, no longer able to keep her voice low. “He is not going to do that to us. He is not taking her away.” She pushed Geoff’s hand away and stood stepping past Belle who tried to stop her and she ran down to the nurses station. She asked where Ella’s room was and ran to it. Tears were pouring down her face and she pushed open the door and saw Rachel.

“Nic.” Ella said softly. “It’s ok.” she told her.

She opened her arms and Nic immediately crumpled into the embrace.

“I won’t let him take you away.” She said emotionally. “He can’t.” she gasped. “And not the babies either.” She said her voice breaking. “He won’t get away with it.” she gasped.

Ella looked at Rachel and saw that she too was crying.

“It really is ok.” Ella said.

She was stroking Nic’s hair.

“The babies will probably be safe. They are going to give them some anti viral’s just to be safe. And people with HIV live a long time now with the combination of treatments available. It’s not a death sentence Nicole.”

“He can’t do this. It is not fair. It’s not. We only just found you,” Nic gasped.

Ella looked at Rachel and nodded watching as the other woman slipped quietly out of the room.

“Listen to me my daughter. We are strong and we will face whatever we have to. You have Angel to think about so I need you to calm down and take some deep breaths for me.” Ella told her. “And then I want you to go and wash your face so that when you see your Dad he won’t know you’ve been crying.”

Rachel returned to the room.

“Nicole I have a couple of tablets I would like you to take. They are extremely mild so won’t have long lasting effects.” Rachel told her and handed the still crying girl a small dispensary cup and a beaker of water.

Nic sat up and looked at Ella who nodded.

She put the tablets in her mouth and sipped at the water until she swallowed them.

Ella handed her a tissue and Nic wiped at her eyes.

“Are you not going to tell Dad?” she asked.

“No, not yet.” Ella said.

“He needs to know so he can help.” Nic told her.

“Nic, if I tell your father then he will discharge himself from the hospital and probably go and kill Gardy. I don’t want that man to be on your Dad’s conscience.” She gave Nic and Rachel a sad smile. “I can handle him being dead but not because your Dad did it.”

Nic stood up and walked to the door.

“I can’t believe how strong you are Step-mama.” Nic said finally. “I would be a basket case by now.”

Ella laughed.

“Daughter, I am a basket case but I can’t let myself fall apart just yet.” She told her watching as Nic left the room.

They waited until the door closed before Rachel asked.

“Are you sure you want to do this Ella?”

“Yes.” She said.

Rachel handed over the clothes she had brought into the room and helped Ella get dressed. They made their way out to Rachel’s car and she drove.

“You know there is a risk of …” Rachel began to say.

Ella nodded.

“During the fight, however minuscule there is a risk that Roman may have been in contact with contaminated blood.” She sighed. “That’s why I’m doing this Rachel. My husband saved me and now I need to save him.” she sighed again. “Out of interest how much blood is required for a HIV test?”

Rachel gave a quick smile and dropped a syringe in Ella’s lap.

“That would need filling. Hypothetically speaking.” She said.

Ella tucked the syringe into her pocket.

“I can’t wait three months to get tested again,” Ella said. “I need to feed my babies and get on with my life. If he is HIV positive then …” her voice broke.

“Ella I understand.” Rachel told her. “In your place I would want to know too. I don’t think I would be this brave though.”

They pulled up outside the police station and Ella slowly got out of the car.

“Ella?” Charlie gasped as they walked inside.

“I want to see him.” Ella told her.

Charlie looked at her.

“Ok.” she said finally.

She showed Ella into a room and told her she would bring him in.

“I take it you have no weapons on you.” Charlie asked.

Ella looked at the floor.

“Not a weapon, no.” she said.

“I understand.” Charlie said.

Ella stood there for a long moment before the door opened and he was escorted in.

“Hello Ella.” He greeted her.

“Gardy/.” She said softly.

“I bet you want to ask me some questions.” He murmured.

“Not really.” She said. “I just wanted to look at you before the army come to take you away.”

“The army?” he asked quickly.

“Seems that they want to ask you some questions.” She told him.

“No. I am a civilian.” He said. “I want a brief.” He shouted suddenly.

Ella laughed.

“Forget it. Did you think that you could come here to where we live and get away with the crap that you’ve pulled? No one is going to help you.” She looked at Charlie as she said the last bit.

Charlie nodded.

“And something else you should know. The man who’s coming to get you is Colonel George Addison.”

She looked over at Gardy and saw that the twitch was back in the corner near his left eye.

“You remember him don’t you Gardy?” Ella asked.

She leaned forward.

“My father.” She said. “And he is so looking forward to meeting you. I told him what you did to Mike. He’s made it his life’s work to bring you and your empire down.”

Gardy roared and stood up from his seat, he lurched towards her and had to be restrained by two of the officers.

Putting her hand in her pocket she pulled out the syringe and ripped open the packet.

She stepped towards him and stabbed him in his arm with it aiming for the blue vein under his mottled flesh. She luckily found a vein on the first attempt and began filling the syringe.

He tried to struggle but she held the needle fast until it was full and then removed it. She placed it back in the packet and stepped away and out of the room.

Rachel met her and took the syringe off her.

“Good work.” She told her. “Lets get you out of here.”

Ella nodded.

She turned to go and saw Charlie standing a way off.

“Thank you.” She called to her.

Rachel had the car door open and Ella climbed in.

“How soon?” she asked.

Rachel looked over at her.

“This afternoon. I will do it myself.” Rachel told her. ”But you need to know the test results will take time. I will be doing what is called a P24 test for antibodies and also a PCR test. The results of the P24 will tell me if he has any antibodies in his system and will give me a good indication of whether he does have HIV, however it will take between 8 –10 days for the results from the PCR.” Rachel warned her.

“I can deal with 10 days compared to the rest of my life.” Ella told her.

She sighed suddenly.

“Rachel can you pull over?” she asked.

Rachel slowed the car and took it to the side of the road watching in concern as Ella got out and was violently sick at the side of the road. She went round to help her.

“Come on El, you’ve been so brave.” Rachel told her.

Ella looked up.

“Sorry.” She muttered before being sick again. “I need to shower.” She said her teeth chattering as reaction set in. “I need to get clean.”

Rachel ran tot he car and found a bottle of water bringing it to her.

Ella drank deeply before pouring in over her hands and drying them on her jeans.

“Come on.” Rachel said again and helped Ella to stand. She led her to the car and helped her inside, even having to fasten her seatbelt because Ella’s hands were shaking.

She drove her back to the hospital and helped her into her room. Within minutes Ella had stripped off the clothes and pulled on a hospital gown. Rachel helped her to the showers and asked a nurse to stay with her while she walked down tot he lab to start the tests.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 33…. Who are you?

Roman woke slowly. He had no idea what was in the satanic syringe with the foot long needle the nurse had stabbed him with but it knocked him out. He looked up and saw that it was dark outside, which meant he had been asleep all day.

“Hey.” El said to him

He looked over and saw her sitting in a chair by his bed.

“Hey you.” He said, his voice hoarse.

She moved and picked up a glass of water, sitting beside him on the bed and helping him to sit upright so he could take a drink. She pressed the button on the bed and raised it so that it would support him. His chest felt tight and he looked down to see that they had removed the chest tube and he had a light covering of bandages on.

“How are you?” they asked each other at the same time,

Ella laughed and watched as he smiled.

“I’m ok.” she told him eventually.

“Uh huh.” He smiled. “So have you been watching over me?” he asked.

She smiled.

“Yes.” She told him.

He moved slightly in the bed and she climbed in beside him.

“How did you know?” she murmured.

“Because its dark and you seem afraid of it.” he said.

He pressed a quick kiss to her head.

She snuggled closer.

“The room he kept me in didn’t have any lights.” She confessed. “I don’t think I can go to sleep in the dark again.” She said sadly.

“Its ok.” he said to her.

“Uh huh. “ she smiled.

“Change of subject. Have you seen Nic? Is she ok?” he asked.

“Yes darling, she’s spent most of the day trying to wake you up.” Ella told him.

“That would explain the dreams I had.” He muttered.

“What?” she asked.

“I had this dream where I was being hit with a copy of vogue. And then being asked what colour I wanted my toenails painted.”

Ella laughed.

“You’re ok. She painted my toenails for me while we were waiting.” Ella murmured.

“She’s not mad at you.” She told him.

“I know that.” He chuckled. “Oh El,” he said putting his arms around her.

“I know.” She whispered.

“We need to keep talking.” He told her. “No keeping secrets, not anymore.”

She sighed.

“Well in that case. I got told today that Gardy has said he is HIV positive.” She paused. “So I left the hospital and I went to see him.” her voice broke slightly. “I goaded him into loosing his temper and when he tried to get to me I stabbed him with a syringe and took a blood sample from him. Rachel has tested it and it came up negative for the antibodies. But she’s is running another type of test and the results won’t be back for 10 days.”

“Uh huh. Anything else you’ve done today?” he asked.

“I ran a marathon and came second, took up tap dancing and I’m also learning to play the saxophone. And I think I’ve solved the Middle East crisis and they told me my Nobel Prize is in the post.” She told him.

He chuckled.

“Why did you take such a risk El?” he asked his voice quiet in the quiet room.

“Because during the fight he could have infected you too.” She said. “I know its only a small risk of it but I needed to …” she stopped.

“Protect me?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“When I feel better I will try and come up with a sarcastic answer to that!” he told her and felt her laugh beside him.

“I love you.” She told him.

“I love you too.” He murmured.

“Are you feeling sleepy again?” she asked.

“A little. Can we go see the babies though?” he asked.

She smiled.

“Come on.” She said. “But this time you will have to wheel your iv drip. I’ve been instructed by a rather fierce nurse that if you disconnect yourself again she will be forced to have you restrained.”

He looked over at her, wanting to come up with some wisecrack but found that he couldn’t.

“El I’m scared.” He said suddenly.

“Of what?” she asked.

“Of saying or doing something wrong.” He said, his voice full of emotion.

“I know.” She sighed and he felt her begin to shake against him.

“I think you being here with me and letting me hold you is so amazing after everything you’ve been through well it blows me away how brave and strong you are.”

She began sobbing.

“I’m not strong.” She gasped.

“Yes you are. Doesn’t mean that you can’t fall apart a little bit. I’m right here Ella.” He said.

He pulled her closer to him and wrapped both of his arms around her, careful not to dislodge his drip.

She turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed against him. He continued to hold her stroking her hair, letting her cry.

They lay like that for a long time.

Rachel knocked at the door softly before turning the handle and walking through it.

“Sorry.” She called as soon as she saw Ella was crying.

“Its ok.” Ella said. She pulled away form Roman’s hold slowly and eased herself up on the bed until she was sitting and wiping her eyes.

“We’ve got a bit of news.” Rachel said.

She walked over to the door and opened it for Charlie to come into the room.

“What is it?” Roman asked.

“After your visit today Ella, Gardy recanted. He’s said he lied about being HIV positive.” Charlie told her.

She breathed out slowly.

“He lied?” she said. “He wants to hurt us that much?”

“El.” Roman said softly.

Rachel took a half step towards her.

“He lied.” She said again.

She stood up off the bed and walked towards the door past all of them.

“Ella.” Roman said to her.

“No.” she told him. “I need to be alone.”

She walked through the door and out of the room.

“Rachel can you unhook me?” Roman asked

“She said she wants to be alone.” Rachel told him.

Roman shook his head.

“I know Ella and she was way too calm.” Roman told her.

“You need to expect that she may not always react the way she has done in the past.” Rachel told him.

Roman nodded slowly.

“I’ll leave you to it. There was one more thing. Ella’s father has arrived. He was at the station earlier.” Charlie said easing out of the room.

Roman looked over at Rachel.

“I know Ella will be different. And I also know that I’m going to stuff it up on many occasions but she needs me right now. The last time I saw her like this, well it was when…” his voice broke.

“When I told her that ….. “ Rachel added.

Roman nodded interrupting her.

“And I stuffed up then by leaving her alone when she was hurting.” Roman added. “I’m not going to do that again.”

Rachel walked over to the bed and unhooked him from the drip. He stood up slowly and eased his feet to the floor.

“And incidentally please tell that nurse if she ever gives me a shot of that stuff again I will probably be forced to do something nasty.” He muttered.

Rachel grinned.

“Actually I prescribed that.” She told him.

“Ah ha,” he said. “Would that have been around the time that Ella decided on her foolhardy plan?” he asked.

“It may have been.” She said still grinning.

“Save me from calculating women.” He grinned.

He walked to the door.

“Wait you don’t know where she’ll be.” Rachel said.

“That’s easy she will be with the children.”

He went through the door and up to the maternity floor. He walked into the same side room where he been with her the night before.

“I said I wanted to be alone.” She said softly, her voice cold and hard sounding.

“I’m just here to see the babies.” He told her with a quick grin.

“I so believe you.” She said.

“El.” He murmured.

She stood up and he sat in the chair she vacated. She handed him Sophie and then picked up Georgie. She sat on his lap being as careful as possible about his injury and the babies. When she was settled he put his free arm around her and she leaned against him resting her head against his shoulder.

“How could he hurt my babies?” she asked.

“I don’t know El. I don’t know what I did to make him hate me so much.” Roman murmured.

She laughed.

“I can answer that one you’re pretty easy to hate.” She told him

He chuckled.

“Thank you wife. I love you too.” He told her.

She sighed. “I do love you but I’m so hurt right now.”

“I’m glad you didn’t use the word damaged. You are my beautiful Ella, you laugh at silly things, you sing when you think you are alone because you are convinced you don’t have a good singing voice. You love to hug. We should never try and wish you good morning if you haven’t already had a coffee. You are stubborn. You don’t like crusts on your bread. You love my daughter. You took on responsibility for your brother’s child and brought him up good. Although you swore you would never forgive him you named your child after your father.” He paused. “You loved me when I thought I didn’t deserve it.”

She smiled.

“And?” she asked him.

“And you will find the strength and the courage to deal with what has happened to you, because it is those things that make you who you are. You will not be defined by this.”

She stifled a sob.

“Hey” he said.

“You know all that about me?” she said finally.

“I know everything about you.” He grinned. “You like to use my shower gel. You listen to loud rock music when you are concentrating on something, You’ve been feeding a stray cat that comes into the garden. You adore back massages. You love to see the sunrise or sunset from the beach.”

“Enough!” She exclaimed as she cut him off. ”Ok I accept it you know me.” She tried to smile but her lips wouldn’t obey her. “But how did you know about the cat?”

“Oh that would be the tins of cat food in the cupboard under the sink.” He said.

“Uh huh.” She looked at him. “And why are you nosing under the sink?”

“I was looking for the paint stripper.” He said.

She sat up and looked at him.

“You wanted … ..why?” she asked.

“I needed something to do so I decorated the nursery.” He said with a grin.

“How did you know what I wanted?”

He looked at her.

“Ok.” she said. “I bet you didn’t use the border I wanted.” She grouched.

He just looked at her.

“Fine.” She said. “But if I don’t like it you’ll be redoing it.” she warned.

“El I have to tell you that I kind of fell apart.” He said softly.

She leaned back against him.

“I knew you’d come and get me. I just didn’t want you to kill him.” she breathed out slowly. “I didn’t want him on your conscience.”

“El.” He said softly.

“I know who you are too. And he’s not worth it.” she said.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

He leaned over and kissed her.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 34

Ella stood in the doorway of the nursery and burst into tears.

“I hate you.” she muttered to him.

Roman folded his arms across his chest and chuckled.

“So did I do it how you wanted?” he asked.

She glared at him with narrowed eyes.

“Is that a yes?” he asked chuckling.

He pulled her against him, holding her loosely in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

“Now then I’m pretty certain that we will need a few more things before we bring them home tomorrow so how about we go shopping?” he asked.

“I know I should have started shopping for things for them but I kept putting it off hoping you would be home.” She admitted.

“I’m home now.” He said.

He took her into Yabbie Creek and they spent the rest of the day shopping. Buying car seats, baby clothes, toys, blankets and cot sheets. Then wipes, talc, bottles, a baby bath and towels of the softest cotton, cotton wool, nappies, baby lotion, nappy rash cream just in case. Ella found she couldn’t decide between which cot bumper set she wanted and so bought both.

Roman laughed at her and then they looked at the pile of things they just bought. It filled the back seat and the trunk.

He grinned at her.

“Are you ok if I just make one more trip to another shop?” He asked.

“I’ll come with you.” She murmured.

He shook his head.

“No sorry. This is definitely one trip I’m making alone. If you really don’t want to be alone then I’ll do it some other time.” He said softly.

“I’m not going to …” she snapped.

He kissed her quickly stopping the flow of words.

“Yes or no El?” he questioned.

She nodded but tears had sprung into her eyes.

“Good. I’ll be about 15-20 minutes.” He said to her and pressed another quick kiss to her lips.

She watched him walk away and felt herself begin to shake. She climbed into the car and distracted herself by turning the CD player on and selecting her favourite songs to listen too.

“This is stupid.” She groaned unable to stop trembling.

She climbed out of the car and looked to see if she could see him. She spotted someone walking along the street that had a passing resemblance to Gardy. She gasped and was hit by a flashback to being in the room. She clutched her arms across her stomach and started to hyperventilate, her chest rising and falling in panicky gasps.

Just when she thought she was going into a full panic attack Roman came back. She launched herself into his arms and started crying.

“Its ok El, I’m here.” he said to her. “I shouldn’t have left you.” He groaned.

“I’m ok I saw someone who looked like him. I’m fine.” She said again, not sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. She pressed frantic kisses along his jaw and then his mouth.

“Oh god.” She moaned and pressed herself as close to him as possible. He responded by holding her tight.

“Its ok. I promise he won’t get you again. I always keep my promises El.” He whispered softly. “Here.” He said and loosened one of her hands to place something in it.

She looked down.

“I had to get the chain mended.” He explained and watched as she clutched the dog tags to her.

“Thank you.” She whispered. “I never asked if you’d found them.”

“Nic found them, see?” he said showing her he was wearing his ring.

He kissed her gently.

“Let’s get you home and unpack. I’m sure we have missed something.”

Ella laughed.

“No, I’m pretty certain we got the whole shop here.” She replied.

She looked over at him after she climbed into the car.

“Thank you.” She said to him.

“For what?” he grinned.

“For not telling me it’s nothing or that I’m going to be ok or that I’m strong and I’ll get past this. I guess thank you for accepting that it hurts.” She said softly.

“It hurts me too El, And I really don’t know how to fix it but I know that we need to find a way together.” He whispered.

She pressed her hand to his knee and they pulled out of the car park and headed home.

“When you came home how did you get past the alarm and how did you get in. You left your keys behind plus I had the locks changed.” She said puzzled. “The alarm was off too.”

He grinned over at her.

“Well when I left the army I did consider becoming a cat burglar.” He admitted.

“You broke in?” she muttered.

“Sorry El but yes. I had to guess at the code for the alarm but came up with it on the final attempt. Nic’s birthday.” He said.

“I need to get new locks.” She said.

“Its ok.” he told her.

“No. If you got in it means he can get in again.” She said her voice rising.

“El seriously, take a breath ok. If you want the locks changed I’ll phone Pete and get it done this afternoon but I am not going to let him get you again, beside he is locked up.”

He reached out and caught a hold of her hand, feeling it tremble within his own.

“Sorry.” She muttered. “I’m overreacting.”

He smiled.

“No its understandable.” He said softly.

“What if you hadn’t have guessed the code?” she asked.

“Well I guess it wouldn’t be the first time that Jacko and I have been arrested. Although maybe a first for your dad.” He joked.

She looked at him.

“Actually no. We were locked up in Hong Kong once.” She admitted and grinned at him seeing the look of shock on his face.

“Elizabeth Harris!” He gasped.

“How was I to know what I said to that custom official meant that!” she muttered.

“What?” he couldn’t resist asking.

“Just something about his mother a goat and her dog.” She smiled. “and that my dad witnessed the whole thing. I think was the whole phrase.” She laughed and looked over at him.

“Fine but how did you get locked up?” he couldn’t resist asking.

“Because my dad turned round and told them I was a wanted fugitive he was trying to escort back to the UK. He decided that the best place for me was also a jail cell until everything was sorted out.”

“I know I’m going to regret this but that’s not the full story is it?”

She laughed again.

“No. I had run away from the prissy English boarding school took my dad’s credit card and decided I wanted to go to home. I got as far as Hong Kong before the card got stopped and he flew out to get me. He was dragging me on a plane back to the UK so I tried to get him stopped in customs by insulting the head official.” She giggled. “He was so upset.”

She looked up to see that they had pulled into the driveway of their house.

“Nicely done Lt Harris.” She grumbled, realising he had distracted her from her panic of earlier.

“Thank you Mrs Harris.” He said and leaned over to press a quick kiss to her lips before she could release the seatbelt. She reacted, feeling trapped by the restraint and feeling the hot breath on her lips before he made contact and the panic returned in a frantic burst. She pushed at his shoulders and screamed.

With shaking hands she tugged at the release of the seatbelt and pulled at it. Roman reacted slower shocked by how fast this had happened.

“Ella!” he cried out, trying to cut through the panic.

She pulled again at the belt and the catch released. She pushed at the door handle until it swung open, her weight pressed against it, she fell out on the ground below scrapping her knees and hands only reacting.

He scrambled out of the car and ran around to her side.

“Ella.” He said

“No!” she screamed. “Don’t call me that.” she moaned tears falling down her face.

“El.” It’s ok. He knelt down next to her.

“El.” He said again softly.

She blinked and looked at him.

“Roman.” She said, her tone returning to normal.

“Can you stand?” he asked.

She nodded and eased up feeling the sting of the scrapes.

“Ok I’m going to put my arm around you.” He told her and did so leading her slowly into the house. He clicked the numbers into the alarm on the way past and led her to sit on the sofa. He left her there while he fetched a glass of water and held it so she could take a drink.

Seeing that she was calming down he gave her a moment alone and went outside to see to the car. When he returned he fetched the first aid kit from the kitchen and bathed her hands first them her knees applying antiseptic balm to the scrapes.

She looked at him and slow tears poured down her face.

“It is going to be ok El, we need to give it time.” He said cutting off what he knew she was going to say.

“How?” she asked, with a self mocking smile, “because I’m pretty convinced I came unglued just now. What if I’m with the babies and the same thing happens?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have an answer for you. I am certain that they probably won’t kiss you just yet and maybe expecting them to talk so soon is a bit much even if they have my brains.” He said.

She looked up at him, torn between laughing and crying. She settled on thumping him on the arm for the terrible joke.

He leaned forward and kissed her.

“See.” He told her when she didn’t panic. “We’ll find a way to work things out but I guess that suggesting we use handcuffs will be out.”

She glared at him.

“That’s so funny!” She muttered and stood up walking stiffly to the stairs.

“El?” he questioned.

“I’m going to go and throw the handcuffs out!” she winked at him. “If you don’t want to try them.”

He laughed and opened his arms.

She ran to him and held him as tight as she could, then remembering his injury she eased off.

He pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head.

“I promise you we will get through this. Please give us time El.” He sighed.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 35

“Dad?” Nic called walking into the house.

“In the kitchen.” he told her.

She walked through carrying Angel in the car seat and a couple of carrier bags in the other hand.

“Hello.” She said to him and lifted the car seat onto the table.

He walked over and looked at the sleeping baby.

“Where’s Ella?” she asked.

“In the nursery unpacking things. I’m giving her some time alone.” Roman said softly.

“Is she ok?” Nic asked quickly.

“Not really.” He confessed. “Did you get them?” he asked.

Nic nodded looking sad.

“Nic please.” He said. “I know this is horrible but I need you to hang in there. Ella needs us to be strong.” He murmured.

“How are you doing?” Nic said trying to distract herself.

“I’m fine.” He said.

He looked up and saw Ella coming towards them.

“Hey.” He called to her. “Did we forget anything?” he asked.

“Just the nanny.” She told him. “Hello Nic.”

“Hello Step-mama.” Nic said looked at her dad. He nodded to her.

Nic turned and handed the carrier bags to Ella.

“Dad suggested that you may like these. He thought you might feel a bit more comfortable in them.” Nic told her.

Ella took the bags with a puzzled look at him.

She opened up the first one and saw pale blue material. She took them out and saw they were satin pyjamas. There were several pairs in different colours and also a matching robe.

She looked at him with tears in her eyes before opening up the other bag which contained long sleeved night-dresses.

“Thank you.” She told him. “And you Nic.”

She walked over to Roman and kissed him.

“How did you know?” she asked him.

He smiled.

“You wore hospital scrubs and not the fetching little gown they give you. I figured that you were more comfortable being covered up.” He murmured.

She gave him a hug and another kiss before turning to Nic.

“Would you like to see the nursery?” she asked her.

Nic nodded and handed Angel over to her Dad before following Ella up the stairs.

“Ella its lovely. “ Nic commented.

She walked around touching the items on the changing table then watched as Ella opened the wardrobe and showed all the clothes on tiny hangers and the basket of soft toys in the bottom. She’d added a hanging canvas shelf unit and tucked inside were blankets and towels and extra nappies.

“When are you bringing them home?” Nic asked picking up a teddy bear and stroking it.

Ella knelt down next to her.

“It isn’t your fault Nic.” She told her.

Nic started crying.

“I was going to follow you but Angel started crying.” She told her. “And if I’d told him what Gardy did to me before maybe it would have been different.” She added with a sob.

Ella took her into her arms.

“And maybe if I’d told your Dad what Gardy did to me years ago it would have been different.” She told her.

“Years?” Nic questioned.

Ella nodded.

She pressed a kiss to Nic’s head and with a shaking voice told her about Gardy trying to attack her before and her brother stopping him.

“Oh Ella!” Nic cried and pulled her into her arms. “You don’t blame yourself do you?” she asked.

“No. Mostly not.” She admitted. “But sometimes I think I could have done something different.” Ella confessed. “I should have fought harder or screamed.”

“He had a knife and he was cutting you. How could you have stopped him?” Nic asked her.

“I don’t know but there must have been some way. “ Ella said becoming distressed. “I should have stopped him.”

“Ella.” Nic said. “How?”

“I don’t know. I should have screamed more. I could have fought him.” she muttered rubbing her hands together agitatedly.

“You’d just had the babies where you’d nearly died. How could you fight him you were barely out of hospital.” Nic told her.

“But I should have done Nic.” She said. “I can’t get clean.” She cried. “I shower and shower and I don’t feel clean.” She moaned, the sound of which was unearthly.

Nic looked up and saw her Dad in the hallway. She nodded and he walked in.

“El.” He said.

She looked up at him her eyes unfocused.

“I have to tell Mike what happened. How am I going to tell him?” she cried. “How can I tell him something like this.”

Roman sat down next to them.

“El.” He said again.

She blinked.

“My beautiful El.” He said softly.

She looked at him without seeing him.

“I’m right here El.” He murmured.

She blinked again.

“Roman?” she said.

“Yes. El.” he said to her.

“I’m sorry.” She told him. “I’m sorry” she said again.

“Ella.” He said.

She flinched at the name but finally focused on him.

“Why are you sorry El?” he asked.

“Because I let him …” she broke off.

“Ella.” He said again and saw the impact of the name on her. He glanced at Nic and saw she was crying. Focusing back on Ella he reached out and took hold of her hand. She tried to pull away.

“You are not dirty El, you are beautiful. You couldn’t fight him any harder than you did. This is not your fault.” He told her. “I’ll tell you that a hundred times a day if I have to, You are beautiful El and I love you.”

She blinked again and looked at him then over at Nic.

“I’m sorry.” She told them, “I’m trying to be strong but this hurts.”

Roman leant forward and kissed her.

“You are strong El, but you don’t have to be strong for us. We love you.” He told her softly. He held open his arms and pulled her into them feeling a sob go through her. After a time he put his hand in his pocket he pulled out the jewellery box he’d bought earlier at the same time the jeweller mended the chain on the dog tags.

“El.” He said.

She puled away and looked at him wiping tears from her face.

“I promised you a diamond ring and I never got a chance to get it for you. Well here you are.” He handed it to her.

She opened the box and saw a platinum ring with five diamonds in.

“It’s an eternity ring.” He told her. “Because that is how long I am going to love you.” He promised.

She gasped and felt herself welling up with tears all over again, this time she knew they were happy tears.

“Roman.” She gasped.

He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger.

“You don’t think what has happened to you will change my love for you do you?” he asked.

“What if I can’t…” she started to ask.

He smiled.

“I hope you aren’t worried are you? We have always been passionate and I expect we’ll find that again. If not I am more than happy just to hold you.” He told her.

She smiled slowly.

“Fine. I guess you are stuck with me then.” she told him.

Nic looked at Ella.

“Step-mama?” she asked.

Ella looked over at her.

“I’m ok.” she said softly.

“You sure?” she asked.

Ella nodded.

“Great now let me look at that ring.” She ordered.

Ella laughed and held her hand out.

Nic looked down seeing the Claddagh ring on her third finger as well as Ella’s wedding ring and now the additional diamond ring.

“It’s beautiful” Nic told her.

“Uh huh! Why do you sound shocked?” Roman asked his daughter.

“Because I always figured you were clueless. You never bought her an engagement ring.” Nic told him.

Ella laughed.

“Twice.” She told her. “He never bought me an engagement ring twice!”

Nic looked at them.

Roman chuckled.

“Come on.” He said to them.

He stood up and put his hand down to help Ella up. Then did the same with Nic.

He walked slowly downstairs and into the lounge checking on Angel who was still asleep.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 36

Ella checked on the babies again. It was their first night home and they were still asleep. That meant the baby monitor was working. She went back to bed.

Roman lifted the covers and she climbed into the bed next to him.

“Ok, they are still asleep. And don’t say I told you so.” She whispered.

He chuckled.

“I have to say I like these pyjamas.” He told her stroking her back.

“Uh huh.” She said. “I like the fact that you bought me a nightlight.” She told him. “I wondered why you bought two of them.”

He chuckled again.

“You told me you didn’t like the dark.” He murmured sleepily.

She smiled.

“I love you.”

“Great, can we get some sleep now because I suspect that we have a lot of sleepless nights ahead of us.” He told her

She giggled suddenly.

“El I so did not mean that.” He grouched.

“Sorry.” She told him.

He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips before turning over and pulling the covers up.

She lay on her back and looked at him. His back was too her.

“What’s the matter?” she asked him quietly.

“Nothing, just sleepy.” He told her.

She lay staring at the ceiling watching as shadows went back and forth.

“Well sleepy do you think I could get a hug?” she asked.

He sighed.

“El.” He murmured. “Now isn’t a good time.” He groaned.

“So its not nothing is it?” she told him.

He turned back to facing her.

“No it isn’t. It’s a lot. “ He groaned. He pulled her against him and kissed her.

She felt his body pressing against her.

“Ok.” she said to him.

“You turn me on when you giggle and snuggle against me and I feel that I have no right to have that reaction right now.” He said against her lips.

“Why?” She asked softly.

“Because I do not want to do anything to remind you or put pressure on you to push yourself.” He told her.

He stroked her hair back from her face.

“I love you El and I want you.” He told her. “I think you are beautiful.” He added.

“I really need you to know that what we have is so special that nothing will ever change it. That my feelings for you will be the same and if anything I love you more for being here with me right now.”

He pressed another kiss on her lips before climbing out of the bed and walking into the bathroom.

She heard the shower come on and she started crying softly, wishing she could remember only how it was to make love to her husband and not the feel of the other man against her. She mourned, pulling his pillow against her as she sobbed. Eventually she fell asleep worn out by bringing the babies home and all the emotion. She was sound asleep when he came back into the bedroom and gently tugged away the pillow and pulled her into his arms.

“I love you.” He told her softly, holding her.

She woke slowly seeing that it was light outside. She clambered out of bed and saw that the nursery was empty and she ran downstairs feeling panic. She sighed when she saw that Roman had the babies in the lounge.

“Hey.” He said softly.

She saw that he was cuddling Sophie.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” she asked grumpily.

“You needed your rest El,” he told her softly.

“No I needed to be with my babies.” She muttered walking over to Georgie in the bassinet.

“El.” He said. “Our babies.” He amended.

She glared at him.

“And I needed to bond with them too.” He added.

She sighed and turned around stomping back upstairs.

Roman grinned as he rocked Sophie back to sleep.

“You are so lucky you have no idea how mad your mummy can get right now.” He told her. “But don’t worry she only gets mad at me and if you take after her I may have to remove the doors in the house and buy a lifetime supply of cups.” He told his daughter hearing the bathroom door slam upstairs.

Sophie sighed as though she understood every word he’d told her and he smiled again.

He placed his daughter in the bassinet next to her brother as a knock sounded at the door. He went over and opened it.

“Colonel.” he said automatically.

“I think you can call me George now.” He said to Roman. “Is my daughter here?”

“Come in. She’s upstairs at the moment taking shower.” Roman told him.

“That might be a good thing.” George said.

“What is it?” Roman asked quickly leading them through to the kitchen where he start making drinks. Already the tops seemed to be covered by baby stuff.

“Gardy is trying to cut a deal. In exchange for certain information he wants a lighter sentence.” He said.

“And is the army going for it?” Roman asked.

“They are thinking about it. I’ve recommended the maximum sentence but they believe I may have a vested interest.”

“Michael and now Ella?” Roman asked.

The other man nodded.

Roman handed him a cup of coffee and then poured one out for himself, he sipped it slowly.

“I wish I’d taken care of him when I had the chance.” Roman muttered.

“How is my daughter doing?” George asked him.

“She’s hurting.” Roman confessed slowly. He turned his head as he heard the tread of footsteps on the stairs.

Ella joined them. She was once more dressed in black. A black polo neck jersey and jeans.

“Coffee?” he asked her.

She nodded and eased herself into a chair.

“Hello Daddy.” She said finally. “What is it?” she asked him.

“Nothing.” He told her smiling, “I wanted to come and see you.” He added.

“Like hell Colonel.” She told him.

He grimaced.

“Oh, I forgot to warn you she’s in a bad mood.” Roman told him.

She glared at him.

He placed the coffee in front of her and stepped back hurriedly.

She looked for something to throw but she could only see the cup in front of her and decided against it.

She drank the coffee and looked at her father.

He sighed before saying eventually.

“Gardy is trying to cut a deal in exchange for a reduced sentence.” He told her.

She stood up and walked out of the room picking up her keys she raced out of the front door before anyone could stop her.

“Stay with the babies.” Roman told the other man and ran out after her. He found her on the beach.

“Ella.” He called and saw her flinch.

“Go away.” She told him.

“El.” He said again.

“No.” She screamed running to the edge of the sea. “Leave me alone.” She cried.

“Ella don’t do it.” he told her.

She turned and looked at him before running through the waves.

“Ella.” He called chasing after her stopping at the sea’s edge waiting to see what she would do.

She dived into the waves and swam as far and as fast as she could until she was panting with effort feeling exhaustion roll over her. She thought about swimming further out and not going back. The tug of the undertow was luring her further out. With effort she turned and swam slowly back to shore collapsing on the beach. He pulled her into his arms feeling her shake.

“I didn’t want to come back.” She told him. “Not for you and not for Mike or the babies.”

“I know.” He whispered picking her up and carrying her back to the house. He pushed through the door and carried her straight upstairs to the bathroom.

She pushed at his hands as he tried to undress her.

“I don’t want you to see.” She moaned.

“I have to get you out of these clothes and warm you up.” He told her.

She stopped struggling and let him take off the top and her bra. He pulled a towel round to cover her while he deal with the jeans. He put her underneath the shower letting the spray warm her before he picked up the shower gel and poured a measure on the sponge he soaped her down clinically cutting off a part of himself to stop from crying out at the bruises and marks on her skin. He washed her hair before lifting her out and wrapping her back in a large towel. He dried her gently and carried her through to the bedroom as though she were a life-size doll. He tugged on one of her nightdresses and tucked her into the bed,

She fell asleep immediately.

He walked downstairs slowly not bothering with his own clothes, which were wet from carrying her from the beach and the shower.

“She isn’t ok is she?” George asked and saw Roman shake his head.

“I wish I could have stopped him sooner.” George told him sadly.

Roman almost smiled.

“Just about everyone has said the same recently.” He commented.

He walked over and checked on the two babies seeing that they were fast asleep.

“We’re all sitting here blaming ourselves and that smug SOB is rubbing his hands together about to get a cushy deal.” Roman said the steely hint of anger running through his voice. “And the worst thing is watching her go through this. She is hurting so much.”

George sighed.

“I don’t know about how you two are coping but when Michael died my wife decided that she was going to take a bottle of pills rather than help our daughter in her pain, I had the same failing. I turned away in my hurt and I shut her out.” He sounded old all of a sudden. “I won’t do that again. I’m going to resign my commission.” He announced.

Roman sighed.

“And do what?” He asked the other man going into the kitchen and pouring out a couple glasses of whisky.

“I bumped into Alf on the pier. He invited me to sit down and do some fishing with him. Maybe I’ll do that for a while.” George accepted the glass of sprit and drank deeply.

“Watch your grandkids grow up?” Roman asked and saw the other man smile.

“Yes why not?”

“Because there are other Gardy’s out there and you need to stop them. We’ll always be here when you want us.” Roman told him taking a drink.

He looked over and saw Georgie stirring.

“Ok round two.” He commented. “How are you at nappies?” Roman asked him.

“You’re right I should stay in the army and leave you to it.” the man joked.

Roman smiled before standing up and walking into the kitchen to prepare the babies bottles. He took a moment to try and tidy up thanking whoever had invented dishwashers. He had the bottles ready when he heard Georgie give his first cry.

He picked up the towel and put it over his shoulder and went and picked up his son. Form some reason they took it in turns to cry for which he was so grateful.

He looked over at George and offered the bottle to him seeing him nod, he handed over Georgie and settled him in his granddad’s arms for his feeding. The boy accepted the bottle and drank deeply and greedily and the two men looked at each other and chuckled.

Roman picked up Sophie and started feeding her. She starred at him thoughtfully looking like a miniature version of Ella. He smiled down at her falling in love with his wife all over again for giving him the babies.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 37

Ella woke up slowly. The room was nearly dark with the exception of the nightlight he’d switched back on. Her stomach rumbled and she realised she hadn’t eaten much for the past few days. She stood slowly easing out of the bed. She was aching and cursed the foolishness that had made her do such a stunt. She walked over to the door and pulled on the bathrobe tying it tight around her. She walked slowly down the stairs and saw Roman on the sofa with Sophie and Georgie lying on his chest.

“Hey,” he called softly.

“Hey.” She said.

“I’m sorry. That was really stupid today.” She told him.

He smiled at her and carefully sitting up he cradled the babies to him while he stood up.

She held out her hands and he handed over Sophie to her.

She cradled her in her arms feeling tears well up in her eyes.

“Ella.” He said. “Don’t.”

She looked at him.

“I was going to do to them what my mother did to me.” She said.

“No. You are stronger than this. You would have fought and swum back. If I didn’t believe that wouldn’t I have come after you?” he asked.

She looked at him and stepped to him. He put his free arm around her and pressed gentle kisses to the top of her head.

“Are you hungry?” he asked changing the subject.

She nodded, unable to speak for the moment.

“Pizza?” he asked.

She looked at him and smiled.

“Please.” She asked.

He grinned.

“Good because it should be here soon.” He told her grinning at her expression, part frustration at his knowing of her and part lust at the thought of her favourite food. He placed another kiss to the top of her head and put Georgie in the bassinet. She did likewise with Sophie.

He tugged her hand and led her into the kitchen and showed her the table. He’d set it with the best china and candles and even a tablecloth. She sighed and looked at him a soft light in her eyes.

“Nic has been round she wants to do a belated Baby shower. Apparently everyone has been asking about it.” he told her.

He stood and reached into a cupboard.

“Rachel has also been round. She brought this. It’s a prescription for some anti anxiety medication that you apparently accidentally left behind at the hospital and also some cream to put on your cuts to help them heal.”

She looked down at the floor.

“You saw them.” she said.

“Yes. I didn’t have time to kiss them better though so I’m hoping you’ll let me help you put this cream on.” He told her softly. “She said that the tablets are really mild and won’t affect your milk for when you start feeding the babies again.”

She looked at him.

“Do you want me to take them?” she asked him.

“No. But what I want doesn’t matter much right now. I have to do what is best for you and if these help you sleep and help you deal with this then I will support you.” He told her, knowing that no answer would really satisfy her.

She sighed.

“I don’t want them.” she told him. “But what if…”

“What if the pizza guy doesn’t come soon are you going to get in a temper.” He asked.

She looked at him.

“Or try and go swimming in the sink?” he murmured. “El you will do what you need to for you to deal with this. And I will be here.”

She smiled.

He knelt down in front of her and held her hands.

“I love you. I really love you. I know in my heart that however painful this is you will not give in to it. You will not leave us, Mike, the babies, Nic and me. You will fight. You are fighting. If you don’t want them then don’t take them. But I am not going to think any less of my courageous beautiful wife if she needs to take a tablet right now.”

She started crying at his words and reached out to thump him.

“Ok, not quite the reaction I was aiming for.” He said standing up and rubbing his arm.

“Well stop making me cry then.” She laughed, still crying. ”I love you.”

He smiled and then had to walk over to the door to collect the pizza. He bought them back into the kitchen and served them. Uncovering the salad and lifting out the potato wedges he’d also cooked from the oven where they were keeping warm. Placing both bowls on the table he poured out drinks and lit the candles.

She reached out and stroked his hand as he sat down. He smiled at her.

“If we give it a week or so before we have the baby shower. I think that will give me a chance to get a bit better.” She said.

He grinned.

“Of course if she’d had the idea yesterday we might not have had to buy so much stuff.” He said to her.

She laughed at him.

“This is nothing we are going to need so much more.” She warned him. “Then school uniforms and school books and before you know it you’ll be driving them to see universities.” She said.

He laughed out loud.

“Don’t be silly. Sophie will not be leaving the house when she gets to dating age.” He muttered semi-seriously.

She laughed at him again.

“Oh come on, like she can be any worse than Nicole.” She told him.

“That is exactly what I’m afraid of. Nicole is her sister. It may be genetic.” He said looking at her.

She stood up and walked over to him tugging him from the chair. He let her lead him into the lounge where with a click of the remote she put on the stereo. She moved into his arms and leaned into him. He put his arms around her and they started dancing.

“What you mean take after their father?” she asked with a grin.

He made a tutting sound, still happy.

“Lets leave my phone book out of this conversation.” He told her.

She rested her head on his chest and sighed before lifted her head to his feeling his lips press on hers. She kissed him back passionately, feeling love. He groaned against her lips.

“Come on lets finish eating.” He said softly.

She looked in his eyes and tugged his hand towards the stairs.

“Ella.” He said.

She continued smiling at him.

“I want you.” She told him. “I want to feel you lying with me.”

She smiled at the expression on his face.

“I don’t know if I can make love but I know I want to touch you and kiss you.” She added.

He grinned.

“I can’t El. Not because I don’t want to but because I am afraid.” He confessed.

“I am afraid too. I might have a complete mental and put you off for life.” She admitted.

“Maybe not for life” he said letting her guide him upstairs. “About a week or two.”

She chuckled.

She turned on the stairs and kissed him again. Her lips moving passionately on his. She heard him moan and sighed against his lips, her tongue sneaking out to trace the outline of his lips.

“Oh god El. This is too soon.” He muttered. “We can’t, we need to give it time.”

She smiled.

“I want to hold you.” She told him. She pulled on his hand and stepped up another step.

She loosened the belt on her robe and it flew open. He saw her breasts pressing against the thin cotton material of the nightdress and he groaned out loud.

She giggled and turned and ran into the bedroom. He followed his hands shaking. She’d dropped the robe to the floor and the nightlight emphasised the silhouette of her figure through the thin cotton.

He stepped shakily towards her and she pressed her hands to him as he kissed her. She tugged at his T-shirt and pulled it over his head pressing frantic passionate kisses to his torso.

He moaned when he felt her tongue on him and her tugging at his shorts.

“El please slow down.” He gasped.

“I can’t I need you. I need to feel you.” She moaned. She pulled him to the bed and he tumbled on to it twisting at the last moment so that he didn’t fall straight on top of her. She rubbed her leg against him and carried on kissing him.

He reached for the buttons on the nightdress and opened the front of it his breath coming in rasping gasps.

She froze.

He pulled back looking at her.

“Sorry.” She said trying not to look at him.

He grinned and rolled over before sitting up.

He reached out and pulled her upright putting his arm around her shoulders he pulled her against him.

“Thank you.” He said to her.

“For what?” she said her voice quiet.

“for showing me you still wanted me and I didn’t repulse you.”

“How could you even think that?” she asked in shock.

“Because all the questions you have been asking yourself I’ve been asking myself similar ones.” He told her pressing a kiss to her forehead. He stood from the bed and pulled on his T-shirt.

“Seriously?” she asked.

He picked up her robe and handed it to her.

“When can I kiss her. When can I touch her. Will I turn her off if she sees me naked. Do I do anything that he did and how will I know. Can I talk about sex. Can I talk about what happened, oh not the details, that’s for when you are able and if you want to tell me but in general terms. If we make love what position should I try for. Can I touch her. Am I going to scare her.” He rattled off a number of things.

She looked at him, fresh tears in her eyes.

“I never realised that you would feel it too.” She gasped.

He smiled sadly.

“I wish I could cry El, I wish I could show you how much this hurts me but I’m a man and I was taught to be strong and not to show emotion.” He said gruffly.

“I don’t want you to cry.” She gasped and stood quickly putting her arms around him.

He pressed her close to him and reached down to kiss her.

She wound her arms around him and held tight.

“I love you.” She told him. “I love you and I want you. I didn’t think I could want you and I was so scared but I do. I want you. Maybe it is too soon, ok definitely too soon but I want to make love to you again. I want to see the look on your face and hear those noises you make and feel you touch me. I want that so much.” She said in a jumble.

He laughed and picked her up holding her against him.

“Good.” He told her. “Now would you like some pizza?” he asked.

She nodded.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 38

“You weren’t raped.” The woman told her.

Ella looked up in shock.

“Why do you say that?” she said, looking around the rest of the group.

“Because I’ve seen you with your husband and you don’t act like you were raped.” She said. “I can’t even bare my son to hug me goodnight.”

Ella smiled sadly.

“I was kidnapped and held hostage. He raped me and cut me. I can show you the scars if you like but I love my husband and I am not going to let anyone stop me from feeling love. I am a woman. I am a survivor. I will not be a victim.” Ella said clearly looking around the group. “The only thing that has stopped me from having nightmares and screaming all night is that fact that my husband bought me a nightlight. He also bought me pyjamas because I couldn’t bare for him to see what was done to my body. “

She looked over at the woman and smiled at her.

“I’m sorry if that is not the typical reaction of someone who was raped but I don’t intend to be a victim. My daughter had to baby-sit me when I was first home and my husband went to work. She also had to come out with me because I was scared to walk down the street alone.”

“Thank you Ella.” The counsellor said clearly.

There were 9 woman in the group all in various stages of recovery, she thought with a detached eye. She was lucky with her husband, there was one woman here who was on the run with her two children from her violent husband. Ella sighed sadly, how could you recover when there was that break of trust.

She found her gaze was held more than once by a pretty blonde woman. She always came dressed in a long sleeved white blouse and black knee length skirt. Tonight she sat directly opposite her. The group broke up and Ella collected her coat and started out of the door.

“Ella.” She heard her name called and turned to see that it was the blonde woman talking.

“Yes?” El asked.

“He cut you?” she asked.

“Yes, he used a knife.” She told her softly.

“Did he….” she started to ask.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know your name?” El said softly.

“I’m Louise. “ she was told.

“Hello Louise. Would you like to get a coffee?” she asked her.

Louise nodded and El led her around the block from the meeting room to an all night café. She settled them at a table and ordered a couple of coffees and cookies.

“What would you like to know?” El asked after the waiter had brought the coffees over and left them.

Louise sighed.

“I was attacked by someone and he used a knife.” Louise said quickly, not making eye contact.

She rolled up her sleeve and revealed a three-inch scar along her arm.

“I have some cream that will help that fade.” Ella told her softly. “I haven’t been able to wear anything except jeans and long sleeved tops since it happened to me.” She commented.

“I’m lucky that this is my uniform. I work at the hotel as a receptionist.” Louise said. “That’s where it happened. I had to check out one of the guests rooms and he attacked me.” She said crying.

“I’m sorry.” Ella told her and placed her hand on top of the girls.

“He said he would kill my family if I told anyone. I didn’t even file a police report.” She said “And I wish I had done.”

“It’s not too late.” Ella told her. “I’ll come with you if you want.” She said.

“I don’t know.” She said.

“You don’t have to decide now.” Ella took a drink of her coffee and pulled a cookie towards her. She snapped it in two and took a bite.

“You sound as though you knew your attacker.” She commented.

“I did. He was an old colleague of my brothers.” She told her. “Why?”

“Because I think he was the same man that attacked me. When you talked about it things seems so familiar.” Louise said in a whisper.

Ella reached out and took hold of her hand.

“I’m sorry.” She said to her. “I really am sorry.”

Louise looked up after a minute.

“I had to have an abortion.” Louise told her. “I never told anyone, not even the rape counselling group.”

Ella reacted as though she was slapped. She took a gasping breath as things connected in her brain. She pushed the cookie away and then the coffee. She felt sick.

“I’m sorry.” She said once more before standing and racing to the bathroom to be sick. She looked in the mirror and sluiced cold water over her face. Looking up again she saw Louise standing behind her.

“Didn’t you know?” Louise asked.

Ella moaned and shook her head.

“I have to get a pregnancy test.” Ella said.

Louise nodded and reached into her bag pulling one out.

“I’m sorry I just … I don’t know. I just thought that you looked like you were. “ She said. “This is coming out all jumbled. I know you’ve told us about the babies but there was something about you and I kept looking at you. You’ve put on weight since coming here but only in certain places.”

Ella nodded and looked at herself in the mirror. She took the test and went into a stall.

“How long?” Ella asked.

“Two minutes.” Louise told her.

Ella came out with the wand in her hand and lay it on the top by the sink.

Two distinct pink lines appeared in the little window.

Ella collapsed on the floor and started sobbing.

“I can’t be.” She moaned.

Louise came and sat next to her. She put her arms around her and cried too.

After a minute she handed Ella a second test.

“Just to be sure?” she asked.

Ella nodded and smiled weakly.

“But no more hey, otherwise I’ll need to drink more coffee.” The two women looked at each other and smiled sadly.

After a minute Ella came out of the stall and they once again waited. This one had the same two pink lines appearing.

“Oh crap.” Ella said.

“I take it that it can’t be your husbands” Louise asked hopefully.

She shook her head.

“Oh Crap!” she said again.

Louise gave her a hug.

Ella stood up and threw the two pregnancy tests in the bin. They walked back out of the ladies toilet and she ordered an expresso for herself and another coffee for Louise.

She sat back down.

“Oh crap.” She said again.

“Expresso?” Louise asked.

“They don’t do double vodkas so I’m improvising.” Ella told her.

“What do you want to do?” she asked.

Ella shook her head.

“Apart from use a rusty knife on someone I have no idea. I respect your choice Louise but its not for me.” She said softly. She drank the expresso down in one.

“Oh crap” she said again.

Louise ordered another expresso and when it came over she raised her cup in a salute.

“To crap.” She said.

They clinked cups.

“Thank you Louise.” Ella said eventually.

She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out her phone.

She couldn’t answer the incoming call from Roman. He would be wondering where she was as she was late. How could she go home and snuggle up with him, accept his arms around her and his lips on hers when she was pregnant with a rapist’s baby. She groaned aloud.

Louise held her hand out and took the phone. She answered the call.

“Hello this is Louise, Ella is in the ladies right now.” She said and almost groaned at the pathetic excuse.

“Hi this is her husband can you get her to give me a call when she is back.” He said. “Thanks.” He added.

“Sure thing. “ Louise said and clicked the phone shut.

“He’ll stand by you. He already has so far hasn’t he?” she said. “My boyfriend shot through when I started ..well not being so affectionate.”

“You went through the abortion on your own?” Ella asked and saw her nod.

“I’m sorry.” Ella told her.

Louise shrugged.

“I don’t know whether it was strong to have the abortion or to choose to have the baby. You have haven’t you?” Louise asked.

Ella nodded.

“And your husband?” she asked.

Ella shook her head.

“He’ll tell me to have an abortion.” She said. “I shouldn’t have anymore children you see and this one, well he won’t see it the way I do.” Ella rested her head in her hands for a moment.

“You need to do the best for you.” Louise told her. “And you have a friend in me if I can help in anyway.”

Ella sighed.

“Thank you.” She picked up her phone and taking a deep breath she dialled.

“Hey hun.” She said when the call connected.

“Hey, you’re running late tonight.” Roman said into the phone.

“Yeah I met up with someone for coffee. I’ll be home later I need to pop round and see someone.”

“Ok El, I’ll kiss the babies goodnight for you.” Roman said and hung up.

Ella took another breath before bursting into tears. Louise reached out and handed her a tissue.

After a moment she pulled herself together. They swapped numbers and Louise promised to text her the following day. They left the café and went their separate ways.

Ella pulled up outside Rachel’s house and knocked on the door.

“Hey Tony.” She said when he opened the door.

“Hi Ella, you’re after Rachel?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Come on in love she’s in the kitchen cooking.” Tony told her.

She smiled at him and walked through to the kitchen.

“Hey Stranger. How are you?” Rachel asked her.

She looked over at Rachel and burst into tears. Rachel turned off the heat on the cooker and walked over to her taking her into her arms.

“Its ok. Ssh El.” Rachel murmured softly stroking her hair.

Ella looked up.

“I’m pregnant.” She told her.

“Are you sure?” Rachel asked. “Of course you are sure!” She added. “Now I take it that this won’t be Roman’s?” She asked, uncertain how to phrase it.

Ella nodded.

“Ok. What do you want to do?” Rachel asked.

“I don’t have a choice.” Ella said eventually.

Rachel sighed and led her over to the kitchen table getting her seated.

“You do. No one will blame you.” She told her. “If you want I can make sure it is done very discretely.” She added. “I will go with you.”

Ella shook her head.

“I don’t agree with it.” she told her. “And it isn’t the baby’s fault.”

“Ok.” Rachel told her. “How are you going to tell Roman?” she asked.

Ella looked up finally and wiped tears from her face.

“I need to leave him.” she said flatly.

“He will stand by you.” Rachel said. “I’m sure of it.”

“I can’t ask him to.”

“Ok. We need to do an exam and check you out. Can you meet me at the hospital tomorrow?”

Ella nodded.

“I can’t go home tonight.” she confessed. “I can’t sleep in the same bed as him knowing that I am pregnant.”

“What about Nic, can you go there?” She was asked.

Ella shook her head.

“No I can’t. I know Nic has been great but I can’t get between her and her father it wouldn’t be fair.” She murmured.

Rachel reached for her phone and made a call. After a few minutes Leah came over.

“Hey.” She called slipping in through the back door, she had a bottle of wine in her hand.

“Now Rachel told me and I know that you can’t really drink but I thought that a glass wouldn’t hurt.” Leah said. “And then I’m going to take you home with me. I’ve already called Roman and told him I’m having a crisis and you are helping me.”

Ella looked over at the two women.

“Thank you” she told them gratefully.

Her phone beeped and she clicked it open to read the message.

“Babies asleep but missing me just like their dad. Xx” she read out loud.

Leah and Rachel looked at each other for a moment before Leah poured out the wine in the glasses Rachel had hooked out of the cupboard.

Ella drank hers down in one.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 39

Ella sat on the beach looking out at the sea. Dawn had come and gone while she had been there. She’d left Leah’s while it was still dark. She looked at her watch and made her slow way to her car. She started the engine and drove to the hospital.

Pulling into the car park she wondered how she could tell him she was leaving him. Whatever she said it would hurt. She walked through to her appointment and filled in the questionnaire they gave her.

Rachel showed her into the exam room and she undressed and pulled on the gown without comment.

“Ella.” Rachel said.

“Yes?” she asked. She was once again dressed and sitting in the chair in Rachel’s office.

“You are pregnant. 14 weeks.” Rachel told her. “It’s not too late to decide what you want to do.”

Ella shook her head sadly.

“I can’t. Life is precious. “ She told her. “I wish I could. Just sneak off and have it done but I can’t. The baby doesn’t deserve that.”

“Ok then. I’m going to recommend that you take vitamin tablets and iron supplements.” She wrote out some information on a slip of paper and handed it too her.

“Tell him.” Rachel urged.

“I can’t.” she moaned, tears starting afresh in her eyes. “Don’t make me Rachel. How can I look at him and tell him that I’m going to have my rapist’s baby.”

She shook her head as if to clear it.

“No. I’m going to an estate agent and seeing if I can get a property in the area today. And maybe in a few weeks I can, I’ll tell him.” she murmured.

“Fine Ella, but you aren’t going to be alone through this ok?” Rachel told her.

“I have to find a place and move out today.” She said softly.

Rachel nodded.

“I’ll phone Tony to come and be with you ok. I really don’t think you should be alone at this time.”

“Thank you for worrying about me but I’m fine. I can cope.” She lifted her chin as she said it.

She stood and drove to Yabbie creek to look in estate agents. After walking around a few she had the details of one property she went to view.

Her phone kept ringing but she ignored it.

It was a small farm dating back to the start of the last century, it had 5 bedrooms and a lot of land. She loved it from the first. There were no near neighbours so she could hide out away from everyone for a while. She made an offer and after some negotiation it was accepted. She told them she needed to move in today and for a small fee it was arranged.

She went shopping after that and bought duplicate items for the babies and a bed for herself. The kitchen items came next followed by a tv and dvd player. She added a wardrobe, choosing several second hand items such as a sofa and a patio table set that she would use instead of a dinning table. She was promised that they would be delivered that afternoon. She added towels and sheets and blankets to the items before leaving the store and getting in her car.

She sighed when she saw she had more missed calls. She drove home slowly and sighed when she pulled up in the drive.

She walked in and Roman was in the kitchen.

“Hey you.” He called out. “I’ve been trying to get hold of you I’ve been worried.” He told her.

She took a deep breath.

“Hello. We need to talk.” She began.

He walked though to her and went to kiss her. She flinched back.

“El?” he questioned.

She shook her head.

“I’ve been thinking Roman. I need some space.” She told him stepping back. ”You have been really good but I need to spend some alone time.”

“I don’t understand.” He told her puzzled. “I thought we were getting better.” He said.

She shook her head again.

“No. It’s not working for me anymore. I can’t keep telling you I love you when I’m not sure I do anymore.” She told him biting her lip.

“El what are you telling me?” he asked standing up and walking over to her.

She backed away.

“See. It’s this. I’m feeling crowded. I need to take some time.” She said.

He pulled back.

“So what?” he asked. “I presume you have a plan.”

“I’m moving out today. I’m going to take the babies with me. I’m not going to tell you where I am for the time being. I’ll still have my phone so you can get hold of me.”

“No. Either I know where you are or the babies stay with me.” He said quickly.

“No.” she said. “I can’t allow that. I’m feeding them so they have to be with me.”

“It really doesn’t matter what I want does it?” he asked bitterly. “Fine.” He walked over to her and kissed her passionately and brutally before picking up his keys and leaving.

She waited until she was sure he was gone and collapsed on the floor and started sobbing. It took time for her to pull herself together and she had to drag herself upstairs and start packing.

Nic came round what seemed like minutes later storming upstairs clutching Angel

“What’s going on?” she asked quickly.

“I’m leaving him. I need to work through things alone.” Ella said her voice cold. She had no emotion left in her she felt as though she was dead.

“Ella you can’t do this. I just left my dad and he’s in pieces.” Nic told her walking over and putting her hand on Ella’s arm.

Ella shrugged off Nic’s hand.

“I’m sorry Nic but it’s done. I’m leaving him. I’ll be in touch in a couple of days. Now please leave I need to pack.” Ella told her, and again her tone was cold.

Nic looked at her and burst into tears causing Angel to start getting upset.

“El please.” She said to her.

Ella looked at her.

“No. My mind is made up. I can’t stay.” She told her.

“Can’t or won’t?” Nic asked picking up on the phrase.

Ella shrugged.

“Either.” She said frigidly.

“B****!” Nic said and walked out.

Ella listened for the door to slam before she started crying again, falling apart all over again.

“So do you want to try again Step-mama?” Nic asked from the doorway.

Ella looked up and saw Nic standing there.

“I’m pregnant.” Ella told her. “I’m pregnant with his baby. Tell me how I can be with Roman after that.” She said.

Nic went and put Angel in with the twins before coming to El’s side and holding her.

“El please tell him. Give him the chance to decide for himself.” She begged huskily.

Ella shook her head.

“I can’t Nic. Please don’t ask me. I have to do this. Please.” Her voice broke.

“Ok then. I’ll go get some boxes and help you pack.” Nic decided.

Ella sobbed harder.

Nic took her in her arms and held her.

“It will be alright El. We’ll get through this.” She told her.

Roman drove for a while wondering what the hell kind of nightmare world he’d woken up in. Eventually making for the lookout. He saw Miles car already there and almost smiled at the way the grapevine was working.

He climbed out of the car once he’d parked and walked over to the other man.

“Hello.” Miles said and handed over a bottle.

Roman opened it and took a very long drink. He felt the fiery liquid wash down his throat.

“Nic is with her. She is helping her pack. She said she would talk to you later” Miles told him.

Roman nodded.

“I thought we were doing ok. The counselling was helping. We were spending more time with each other.” Roman told him.

“More time?” Miles asked.

Roman grinned.

“More time.” He confirmed.

“But you hadn’t?” Miles asked.

Roman shook his head.

“Why?” He asked the other man.

“No reason.” Miles said.

He held his hand out for the bottle and looked at it before taking a drink. Luckily he had another couple in the car, he thought.

“Sorry, I don’t accept that you know something.” Roman told him.

Miles shook his head.

“No. I was just checking. I know that it is difficult to get into the swing of things, so to speak, after something like this.”

Roman held his hand out for the bottle and Miles handed it over. He watched as Roman took another long drink. Before handing the bottle back.

“Still it must have been rough living with her after the attack. Knowing things would never be the same.”

Roman looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“Is there something I should know?” he asked him.

Miles shook his head.

“Just making conversation.” Miles told him. “Thinking that maybe we could work out why she is leaving.”

Roman snatched the bottle back and finished it in a long swallow. He threw it in the bin nearby and heard it break with a satisfying sound.

Miles walked to his car and fetched another bottle handing it to Roman.

“I should have killed him. When I knew what he did I should have gone and killed him. Now he is sitting in a fancy prison cell while he has destroyed all our lives.” Roman said.

He handed the bottle to Miles and stood up and walked to the edge of the cliff. He looked down for a long moment before turning and walked back to the picnic table and accepting the bottle back.

Roman drank half of the bottle in one go. It was whisky. The alcohol didn’t touch him. He drank more. He tried to stand.

“I have to go to her.” Roman said. “There is something I’m missing.” He said and fell unconscious to the ground.

Miles laughed and phoned Nic.

“It’s done. You have a few hours.” He told her.

“Thanks Miles. And he will kill you.” Nic told him with a small chuckle.

“I know but it gets him back for making me drink that red stuff.” Miles told her hanging up. He picked up the other man groaning with effort and taking him to his car and driving him back to the Caravan Park to sleep it off.