Drive Me Insane

[Jen]

Chapter 40 - Saving Grace

Watching the melodic rhythm of the waves rolling in and out along the shore I couldn’t help but think about all that had happened. It was hypnotising, watching the steady beat of the water, hitting the sand with force and then retreating in fright, only to return with the same effort and then be drawn back out to sea. I was so drawn in to this pattern that I didn’t even notice him walk up to me. He sat down on the sand nearby. Not right beside me, but close enough to warrant me darting my eyes across, only to see him also watching the sea.

The sun shone down brightly on his face, capturing his perfectly soft cheeks and shadowing his eyes behind his hair. Those dark, soulful eyes that had begun all of this.

I opened my mouth to speak, to fill the void, which hung in the air, but the lump in my stomach now moved into my throat, rendering me incapable of uttering a single word. I quickly looked back out over the horizon, not wanting to be caught staring.

“Belle.”

Even when he wasn’t trying he still managed to cause my heart to skip a beat. I gulped, unsure whether he wanted me to acknowledge his presence too. I didn’t have time to contemplate what I would actually say because Drew continued on my behalf,

“I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me,” he paused, “But I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

My breath stopped short, but still, no words came,

“I’m sorry, Belle,” he said, “For everything.”

“What-?” my voice was barely present; I don’t know if he even heard.

“You have to know that I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m just so sorry.”

“No,” I said, my voice stronger this time, “What do you have to apologise for?”

Drew sighed, and began tracing patterns in the sand with his index finger,

“I shouldn’t have left,” he replied, “but I guess I blamed you.”

His voice trailed off at the end, I could sense that he was wondering what I was thinking. I bit my bottom lip and chanced a look in his direction. He was now beginning to dig a hole with his hands, slowly moving the grains between his fingers.

“I kept thinking that if we had never become involved then none of this would have come out. I wouldn’t have a mother locked in a rehab clinic in the city; I wouldn’t be forced to temporarily re-locate to live with my workaholic father; I wouldn’t have been suspended from school – Actually that might have happened anyway,” Drew added with a strained chuckle.

When you lay it all out there, like a deck of cards, this really was all my fault. I knew it, and now Drew realised it too. He was obviously better off without me, so the sooner we ended this, the better.

I could feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes. I forced myself to look away, because I knew making eye contact was the last thing I would be able to handle right now. I sniffed, hoping Drew wouldn’t notice my emotional state.

“But you see, I’ve realised I was looking at it the wrong way,” he said with much clarity, “Sure, all that stuff might have happened, but my mother is now getting the help she needs, that I was too scared to look for; I am beginning to form some kind of relationship with my father; And I was never really good at school anyway, but now I’ve got a chance to start over.”

That doesn’t make it okay. It is still all my fault that your life is so messed up. I should have just stayed away when I had the chance.

“So it is your all your fault,” Drew stated, “That my life is the way it is.”

The tears welled up on the brims of my eyes, and cascaded down my cheeks at Drew’s words. I stood up, attempting to leave, run away from all the pain that I had caused him. But as I started down the beach, I felt his hand grab hold, tightly wound around my wrist.

I turned my head away, determined not to look at him. I already felt bad enough, looking at him would only make things worse.

“Why are you crying?” he asked.

“You said it yourself,” I stuttered through my staggered crying, “This whole thing is my fault.”

Drew didn’t reply, but his grip remained firm. There was no escape.

“And I’m sorry Drew, I really am,” I sobbed, “I didn’t mean to –” but I couldn’t finish. My tears were streaming hard and fast down my face. My chest was rising and falling rapidly as I gasped for air through my sobs. I felt Drew pull my hand towards him, and use his free hand to pull and my guide my head into his chest.

I initially fought against his touch, not wanting to be any closer to someone I had hurt so badly. But he was so much stronger than I was, and in my current emotional state I wasn’t in any position to object. I nuzzled my neck into his chiselled chest, letting my tears wet his shirt. He finally let go of my wrist, pulling both his arms around my waist and holding me tight.

He rested his chin on the top of my head and waited for my tears to subside.

I hiccoughed and took a few deep breathes before slowly pulling my head away. I realised that I had been gripping tightly to his shirt to keep myself steady, and still had a handful of material clasped in my hand. I quickly let go, but realised that we still stood close, our lower bodies touching and Drew’s arms wrapped around me.

“Taylor,” he said. He hadn’t used that name in so long, “You really drive me insane. You know that, don’t you?”

I shrugged and continued to stare at his shoulder, refusing to look him in the eye. One final tear rolled slowly down my cheek. Drew raised his hand slowly, and wiped it away carefully. His hand lingered on my skin, which was wet and I felt myself shiver.

“I was trying to thank you,” he said quietly.

“What?” I spluttered.

“I don’t care about all the other stuff,” Drew replied, “You’ve changed me, Belle. There’s no going back now.”

I sniffled quietly. Drew moved his hand away from my cheek and cupped my chin. He angled my head so I could no longer avoid his gaze. His dark eyes were staring back at me and I felt my knees weaken. I wanted to hold him tight and make sure he never left, but I knew that was impossible. Neither of us knew what would happen next.

“I think,” Drew began, “I’m falling in love with you.”

I could feel the sides of my lips turning upwards. I wanted to yell, to tell him that I felt the same, but something was stopping me.

“But what happens now?” I asked, “With your mum? Your dad? School?”

Drew shrugged,

“Who cares?” he replied.

“I care,” I insisted.

“I know that now,” Drew said, giving me a small smile, “I guess all we can do is just take it one day at a time.”

One day at a time. It sounded so easy. So simple. But we both knew that things between Drew and I were never easy or simple.

But standing there, on the beach, with his strong arms around me, all our cares seemed miles away, our troubles were a distant memory, and there was only one thing on my mind.

“I think I can do that,” I said as I leaned in and gently pressed my lips on to his.

He wrapped his arms around me tighter still, squeezing all the air out of my lungs. I forced myself to gasp for breath as I tilted my head and lost myself in his kiss. I wound my fingers through his hair, and felt him move his hand up and down my spine.

We were both panting when we pulled away. Smiling broadly we collapsed, side by side on the warm sand. I leant over, resting my head on his shoulder.

Off in the distance there were two figures walking along the shore. Their feet were greeting the waves as they lapped at the sand, and they wove their hands into one another. The male, who was taller, leant in and gave his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek as they strolled care-freely along the bay.

“We were never like that, were we?” I asked. My voice was a mixture of longing and disgust.

“We didn’t have the chance,” Drew replied dryly.

I pulled my head up and looked over at him, his face bursting with a grin and his eyes sparkling in the sun. I couldn’t help but smile too.

Tomorrow would be another day, with more challenges waiting for us, but right here in this moment, there was nowhere else I would rather be. Everything else could wait.

In your eyes you know I’ve found my place

You see you - you are my saving grace

The End.

-

A/N: Aww! I was listening to this song (Saving Grace by Pete Murray) when I started this chapter, so I thought it only appropriate that that is what it was titled. I highly recommend it for inspiration. It’s an awesome song! Anyways, that’s it. The end. Complete. Fin. Sequel? Who knows. I hope you liked it. I needed things to end up on a positive note, even if they don’t stay like that forever. I hope you can accept it for what it is - The end of a long fiction. Final comments would be greatly appreciated, and thank you for reading. Jen xx.

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