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Dying To Be Alive

Guest jenlee

By Guest jenlee
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jenlee

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Thanks for all your comments :D

PART THREE

8.01am

“Dammit Nicole! Why the hell didn’t you tell me Aden was coming back?” Geoff yelled as he and Nicole made their way towards the beach, looking for Belle. She wasn’t answering her cell when they called it so they literally had to search for her. Geoff hoped he could find her and soon. Irene was beside herself with worry and would have been out searching herself had the breakfast rush not been about to start. Instead Geoff and Nicole had quickly offered to begin searching.

“Gee I don’t know Geoff. Maybe because I didn’t know he was coming back until I got up this morning and found him in my kitchen!” Nicole yelled back just as angrily.

“What and you didn’t think that maybe we could have used a wee warning? Real thoughtful of you Nic.”

“Don’t you put this on me Geoff Campbell! I sympathise with Belle, you know I do, but she was not the only one effected by Aden leaving. Nor is she the only one effected by Aden being back.” Nicole retorted as they continued to rush along the beach. “And I will have you know that I did think Belle should know that he was back but then the happiness of having my best friends back kind of took over.”

“Of course it did.” Geoff said, knowing he was about to go too far but unable to stop himself. “Always putting yourself first right Nic?”

“What the hell does that mean?” Nicole asked, stopping in her tracks.

Geoff turned to face her. He was ready for this confrontation. It had been brewing inside of him the last few days. “Take a guess Nic.” He said angrily.

Nicole stared at him in disgust but Geoff was almost sure he saw a flicker of hurt. “If you want to have it out with me about us breaking up, fine! I’m ready for it! But don’t you dare use Belle and her problems as a reason to attack me.”

Geoff stared into Nicole’s eyes for a moment and shook his head sadly. “I thought you loved me.”

Nicole blinked then swallowed. “I did.”

“Did?” To think that Nicole actually no longer loved him hurt more than when she had broken up with him.

Nicole didn’t say anything for a long minute and Geoff felt that the silence itself answered his question. “Now’s not the time Geoff.” She finally replied.

“You’re right.” He said with a nod. If she couldn’t answer his question then he was fairly certain he didn’t want to hear the answer. “I’m going to go home and see if Belle went there. Let Irene know if you find her.”

Geoff turned his back on Nicole and walked in the direction he had just come with Belle. He heard Nicole behind him let out a huff of anger before taking off in the opposite direction and he was glad she had let him leave the conversation at that.

He had been so ready for a row with Nicole, so ready to tell her just what he thought of her. He had felt all of his anger, confusion and hurt rising up, boiling inside of him, quickly getting reading to explode in the form of a heated argument with the person who had caused all of his anger, confusion and hurt.

Then he had seen that very small, but very there, glimmer of hurt and was unable to do it.

Geoff sighed and ran a hand through his hair, replaying the same memory in his head that he had been playing for the last few days.

Flashback - 18/10/11

“So what did you want to talk about?” Geoff asked his girlfriend as they slowly made their way along the beach. She had sent him a text that morning, asking him to meet her so they could talk. They had been back together for close to sixth months now and, as far as Geoff was concerned, they had never been better.

“Geoff, I think we need to break up.” Nicole told him as she stopped walking to face him.

Geoff frowned in confusion. “What?”

“I think we need to break up.” Nicole repeated.

Geoff didn’t say anything for a moment, just stared into Nicole’s eyes, wondering just how serious she was being. It didn’t take long before he realised this wasn’t one of those time he would be able to talk her out of it.

“Why?” He asked and hated the way his voice cracked with emotion but was unable to help it. Nicole didn’t want to be with him anymore and it hurt. It really hurt.

“I just, I need some space Geoff. I - I feel like I hardly have any time to myself these days. I need…space.” Nicole told him with a shrug while avoiding his eyes and Geoff quickly became aware that she was lying. She was averting her eyes and stammering over her words.

She was breaking up with him and lying about why she was doing it.

End flashback

Geoff didn’t know what hurt more. Being dumped by the girl he loved or the fact that she was lying to him. He didn’t know why she was lying and he didn’t know her true feelings for ending things with him. Was it something he had done? Was it something she had done? Was there someone else?

He didn’t know. He had no clue. But he planned on finding out.

* * * * *

8.07am

Aden sat slouched on the couch next to the counter still in shock. He was not shocked at seeing Belle. Nor was he shocked at her reaction at seeing him. He had known from the moment he had agreed to accompany Nicole to the diner that he would more than likely be seeing Belle. He hadn’t been looking forward to seeing her but he had figured he may as well get seeing her over and done with. It had to happen sometime.

And her reaction to seeing him was not quite what he had expected but was also unsurprising. He didn’t really know what he had expected her reaction to be but he knew that had their situations of the last few years been reversed, he would probably have taken off like that too.

No, what he was shocked about, was how different she looked. How awful she looked. How utterly destroyed she looked.

For someone he remembered as always being so nicely tanned, she had looked deathly pale. Not just pale, but there had been a yellowish tinge to her. She had looked sick. And thin. She had always been thin but now - Aden shook his head. He clothes were practically hanging off of her bones.

But worse than her paleness and skeletal build, were her eyes. There had been no life left in them as she stared at him. Disbelief, confusion, anger and heartache. But no life. Just flashes of emotion that, for a second, almost hid the emptiness inside. There was nothing to show him that she was who she was. Nothing that resembled Belle. Even the anger, something he had often seen in Belle’s eyes, had been different.

He hated that she wasn’t coping. Hated that she was so pale and thin. He wanted her to be happy and healthy. O.k. so happy was pushing it, but healthy was a necessity. Being unhealthy for too long, with her obvious unhappiness, Aden didn’t want to think about those consequences.

And what he hated almost as much as he hated her being unhappy, was that he was part of the reason for it. Even at the worst of times he had only ever wanted Belle to be happy. And now she was anything but happy. And he was partly to blame for it.

He had left. He had left at a time when they had needed each other the most. The only people who could have helped them at that time was each other, but he had left. He hadn’t said goodbye, he hadn’t left her a note, he hadn’t been in contact with her for almost a year and a half.

“Don’t go beating yourself up about it love.” Irene said handing him a coffee. “We all knew you would be back eventually, it was just a matter if time.”

Aden sighed. “I know, I just, I wish-” Aden suddenly realised that Nicole had been right. He should have let Belle know he was back. Or someone should have. He probably shouldn’t have been the best person to do it, but she should have had some kind of warning.

“Someone should have told her I was back.” Aden said to Irene.

“Love, if she had known you were back, she would have gone straight back home and spent the day holed up in her bed.” Irene said. “It had to happen eventually and there way no easy way to go about it. As much as it hurt her and as much as I hated to see her hurting more, it had to happen.”

“I’m sorry.” Aden said honestly. “I never wanted to upset her.”

Irene nodded. “I know.”

Aden watched as she headed back into the kitchen, an overwhelming amount of sorrow creeping into him. Belle had taken off after she had seen him. She had ran out of the diner faster than he had seen her run before and since then all of Aden had been too busy worrying about her too process his own feelings. To busy to deal with how seeing Belle had effected him.

And now those feelings were fighting their way up. His throat began to feel as though it was closing in on him as old feelings returned and the constant pain he almost always felt intensified.

This was a mistake. His previous worries and doubt that had disappeared while at Roman’s returned and he now knew the answers to them. Was coming back the right thing to do? It certainly didn’t feel like it. Was it going to cause more problems? From the way Belle had reacted, it already had. Would it ruin the large amounts of progress he’d made? Well that was yet to be determined but at that moment Aden certainly felt like he was back at the bottom.

The feeling that he had lost everything was upon him once again. Of course he hadn’t lost everything. Dr. Sanders always liked to remind him that he still had, and always would have, Roman and Nicole. His best friends. His family. But he had lost Belle. And when he had lost Belle, he had lost so much more. He would always have Nicole and Roman, but losing Belle and everything that came with it, had felt like losing everything.

He wanted to leave. Go back to Hawaii. To run. But he wouldn’t, because if he did, then he really would have lost all the progress he had made. Running away again was probably the worst thing he could do for himself. Staying may very well hurt Belle even more, but if he wanted to continue on the track he had been on, Aden needed to think about himself and what was good for him.

It may not seem like it now but being back in Summer Bay was not going to damage his improvement. He wouldn’t let it. If anything it would assist him. At least that’s what Dr. Sanders had hinted at. “Going home is just another step you need to take Aden. Another step on the road to recovery.”

At the time Aden hadn’t been so sure about his doctors words. He still wasn’t, but he knew that she had to be right because things would get very bad for him if she was wrong.

Still feeling emotional about Belle but slightly better about being home, Aden sat up a little straighter. Being back, seeing Belle again was hurting more than he had cared to think about. But it had to be done. It needed to be done for his, and possibly Belle’s, sanity.

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