rachel&kim Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Jess: Liking someone that has a girlfriend is one of the worst situations. Is the girlfriend going to the same uni as well? If not then I think it's looking pretty promising for the future, relationships rarely stand the test of different unis and then you can swoop in. If she is then you could always try telling him outright how you feel. Although it does have the potential to make things very awkward, it may turn out he's been feeling the same way about you. I guess just do what feels like the right thing to do. Zetti: You always feel things for exes in my experience, but it's almost never anything really real, it's just old habit to feel something for them, especially if it was a long term thing. I'd just mention in passing that he's in town. Otherwise if he finds out and confronts you about it you might have to lie to him. Is he a jealous type? Right so I texted my ex. I still can't sleep and I have such an early start tomorrow but I haven't really slept since we broke up. I don't know what's wrong with me! This break up was my idea! I texted him, which was such a bad plan because now he's going to know that I'm lying awake thinking about him, asking if he thought it was a good idea to talk sometime. I know, lame. But I'm very tired and couldn't think of anything to say. Well...no reply as yet. So he's obviously sleeping fine and doesn't miss me at all. Or he's having sex with someone else at this very moment and he's completely over me already!.....Shut up hattie... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Lynd~ Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 So, after my previous dilemma here about whether I actually have feelings for my (now ex) best friend's boyfriend, I've realised I most definitely don't. He's an idiot. He has an awesome sense of humour, but an idiot nonetheless. Before, I think it was just me going a bit giddy because we'd got so close in such a small amount of time. Besides, I think a mutual friend of ours has a crush on him. Oh, the joys of love. Which brings me onto my problem... I think I've talked about this guy here before. Anyway, quick run-down of the story: I've known this guy for years and every summer we go on holiday together for two weeks. Two summers ago we got really, really, really close. We weren't officially 'together' but we were very good friends. He kinda jokingly asked me out and I brushed it off as just that, a joke. A while later, I realised he was being serious and I asked him out in December '06. He said no. We then didn't speak for the rest of that year, after a series of massive arguments, and the following summer was, well, interesting. We've both applied for university this year and, by sheer coincidence, we both got into our first choices, which happened to be the same place. I don't reallu know why, but we started talking more this year and I went and visited him a couple of times when I was around where he lives. He told me he has a girlfriend (a mutual acquaintance) and I saw her again this summer. This summer me and him also got very close again. We just clicked and it was like we'd never been apart. He told me that his girlfriend hates the fact that we're so close. She hates it when he mentions me in conversation, and he had to lie to her and tell her that he hated the fact that I came and saw him, and that he was just doing it because he felt obliged. He reassured me that this was a lie, and I believe him. He had no reason to tell me in the first place, and doesn't think that I like him, so it's not like he'd be rubbing my face in anything; not that he's that kind of guy, anyway. So, yeah, I really, really, really like him. It never went away, even during the time we didn't speak, I guess I just buried it to make it easier to deal with everything. He's told me how clingy he finds his girlfriend, but I don't think he'd dump her for me 'cause she's had a string of bummer boyfriends and it's taken her a long time to trust this guy and he's not the kind of person who'd mess someone around like that (one of the reasons I love him, but also one of the reasons why he's a bloody pain!). We're going to the same uni in a few weeks, like I said before, and while I really want something to happen, I'm scared of messing it up. It's a no-win situation. Sorry about the insane ramble! Hattie: I have no advice, I'm sorry. I'd call him, personally, and then probably end up getting it all wrong! xo Aww Jess!I'm in exacty the same situation so can't help much. We were actually talking about his girlfriend the other night when my friend pipes up with,''you should dump your girlfriend and go out with Lynda''.I was completely horrified,i'd never even dream of telling him i like him unless they break up which i think they will eventually.He's hardly head over hills for her and she's going overseas at the end of the year.After she said that i laughed and said,''she wants you bad''.He laughed and said ''ok ok'' and ran away. I don't think he took it seriously because he's really easygoing but he's really shy to and i could tell he was embarrassed.He doesn't think of himself that way which is why i like him. We avoided each other for the rest of the night and i ended up in the bathroom in tears.I have no idea what to do next time i see him,talk to him or wait for him to talk to me...It's hard because i really like him but i can't tell him because of this gf.I also lack confidence because of my wc but he doesn't seem bothered by that either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Jess: Liking someone that has a girlfriend is one of the worst situations. Is the girlfriend going to the same uni as well? If not then I think it's looking pretty promising for the future, relationships rarely stand the test of different unis and then you can swoop in. If she is then you could always try telling him outright how you feel. Although it does have the potential to make things very awkward, it may turn out he's been feeling the same way about you. I guess just do what feels like the right thing to do. Zetti: You always feel things for exes in my experience, but it's almost never anything really real, it's just old habit to feel something for them, especially if it was a long term thing. I'd just mention in passing that he's in town. Otherwise if he finds out and confronts you about it you might have to lie to him. Is he a jealous type? Right so I texted my ex. I still can't sleep and I have such an early start tomorrow but I haven't really slept since we broke up. I don't know what's wrong with me! This break up was my idea! I texted him, which was such a bad plan because now he's going to know that I'm lying awake thinking about him, asking if he thought it was a good idea to talk sometime. I know, lame. But I'm very tired and couldn't think of anything to say. Well...no reply as yet. So he's obviously sleeping fine and doesn't miss me at all. Or he's having sex with someone else at this very moment and he's completely over me already!.....Shut up hattie... Nope, the girlfriend isn't going to the same uni. Yeah, I'll just have to see how it goes - I just miss him so much! Even though the break up was your idea, Hattie, it doesn't mean that you're automatically gonna stop feeling anything at all for the guy. Two years of closeness is a long time and even though he has faults, and reasons why you broke up with him, it doesn't stop you from still feeling something for him... otherwise you wouldn't have stayed with him as long as you have. We can't just switch our feelings off at the drop of a hat. Maybe your ex will wanna talk sometime, to get some closure between the pair of you, but in the meantime the ball's in his court and you have to concentrate on doing things for yourself to try and get your sleeping back on track and just feel better in yourself, and stuff. *hugs* Zetti, like Hattie said, feelings for exes are generally a force of habit. Maybe you should tell your boyfriend that your ex is in town but that you have no interest in having anything to do with him, if you do wanna stay with your current boyfriend. You need to make the situation clear to him from the start, so that he doesn't start getting suspicious of your motives when/if he finds out the ex is back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetti Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Thanks Hattie and Jess, I did tell him last night, suprisingly he took it ok. I dont have any intention of reuniting with him anyways Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachel&kim Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Jess: Liking someone that has a girlfriend is one of the worst situations. Is the girlfriend going to the same uni as well? If not then I think it's looking pretty promising for the future, relationships rarely stand the test of different unis and then you can swoop in. If she is then you could always try telling him outright how you feel. Although it does have the potential to make things very awkward, it may turn out he's been feeling the same way about you. I guess just do what feels like the right thing to do. Zetti: You always feel things for exes in my experience, but it's almost never anything really real, it's just old habit to feel something for them, especially if it was a long term thing. I'd just mention in passing that he's in town. Otherwise if he finds out and confronts you about it you might have to lie to him. Is he a jealous type? Right so I texted my ex. I still can't sleep and I have such an early start tomorrow but I haven't really slept since we broke up. I don't know what's wrong with me! This break up was my idea! I texted him, which was such a bad plan because now he's going to know that I'm lying awake thinking about him, asking if he thought it was a good idea to talk sometime. I know, lame. But I'm very tired and couldn't think of anything to say. Well...no reply as yet. So he's obviously sleeping fine and doesn't miss me at all. Or he's having sex with someone else at this very moment and he's completely over me already!.....Shut up hattie... Nope, the girlfriend isn't going to the same uni. Yeah, I'll just have to see how it goes - I just miss him so much! Even though the break up was your idea, Hattie, it doesn't mean that you're automatically gonna stop feeling anything at all for the guy. Two years of closeness is a long time and even though he has faults, and reasons why you broke up with him, it doesn't stop you from still feeling something for him... otherwise you wouldn't have stayed with him as long as you have. We can't just switch our feelings off at the drop of a hat. Maybe your ex will wanna talk sometime, to get some closure between the pair of you, but in the meantime the ball's in his court and you have to concentrate on doing things for yourself to try and get your sleeping back on track and just feel better in yourself, and stuff. *hugs* Zetti, like Hattie said, feelings for exes are generally a force of habit. Maybe you should tell your boyfriend that your ex is in town but that you have no interest in having anything to do with him, if you do wanna stay with your current boyfriend. You need to make the situation clear to him from the start, so that he doesn't start getting suspicious of your motives when/if he finds out the ex is back. Sucks about the girlfriend, I think wait and see is the best way to go now. Thanks for the advice, he did text back in the end and just said it would be good to talk sometime.... So I guess you're right, sooner or later he'll be in touch but until then I just have to wait it out and get over him. Mutual friends of ours have said he hasn't taken it so well which actually made me feel better. Yeah ok, horrible person! But it makes me feel slightly better knowing that he's not immediately over it. It's just so weird. Anyway, I'm not going to contact him again and I'm not even going to wait for him to ring me. I'm just going to leave it and move on. Soooo much easier said than done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Sucks about the girlfriend, I think wait and see is the best way to go now. Thanks for the advice, he did text back in the end and just said it would be good to talk sometime.... So I guess you're right, sooner or later he'll be in touch but until then I just have to wait it out and get over him. Mutual friends of ours have said he hasn't taken it so well which actually made me feel better. Yeah ok, horrible person! But it makes me feel slightly better knowing that he's not immediately over it. It's just so weird. Anyway, I'm not going to contact him again and I'm not even going to wait for him to ring me. I'm just going to leave it and move on. Soooo much easier said than done. Very much so - especially as she already deems me as a "threat to the relationship". Oh, gosh, tell me about it - having people tell you to "move on and get over him" is like the most abstract piece of advice anyone can ever give you... but, it's kinda true... it just takes time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachel&kim Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 If she already deems you a threat to the relationship that is potentially a good thing! He will eventually get tired of her being paranoid and telling him she doesn't like you seeing eachother that he will break up with her. All you've got to do is be super laid back about the whole thing and he will find it such a welcome break that he'll realise you're made for eachother! That's the plan anyway! Phase 1 of moving on, have not eaten seven bars of chocolate today. Progress is being made! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 ^^ This is the plan I'm aiming for. Gosh, I go over these "scenarios" far too much in my bed - I am sane, honest! Meh... I was doing so well until tonight - and then I had to go and stuff myself with Chinese while bitching about said boy to my friends. So, yeah, Hattie, I admire your resolve at staying off the chocolate... although it has been scientifically proven to make you happy - it apparently releases endorphins in the brain, or something. /geek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachel&kim Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Lol, trust me I have researched the reasons into why chocolate is a good thing. Unfortunately my skin doesn't feel the same way! Bitching is also said to make you happy...although I don't think there's any science behind that! Just kind of...lightens the load. So it's 12:34am, my eyes are actually itching with tiredness and I'm still awake. Stupid boy. Ruined my nice sleep pattern! Plus it's my sister's party tomorrow which some of his friends are coming to so I have to look AMAZING! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieroxNZ Posted August 30, 2008 Report Share Posted August 30, 2008 I have a problem. I was going out with this guy like ages ago, we broke up coz we weren't 'in love' anymore. We've both dated other people, but now he's just randomly started txting me saying he loves me, he wants me back, he'd do anything for me. And i don't know what to do coz i love my boyfriend but i love my ex heaps more. Plus my boyfriend and my ex are like really good friends, so i don't want to ruin their friendship. I dunno what to do, stay with my boyfriend or get back with my ex?? Please help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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