Taz Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 I saw this on another forum so I thought that I would BORROW it: these are apparently the rules for being in or creating an Aussie soap. This is from the Points of View message board on the BBC website btw, and they are are reknowned for being a right load of whingers. 1.All participants must have perfect teeth and skin. 2.95% of the women must be blonde. 3.Make that artificial blonde! 4.99.99% of the cast must be white. 5.no good acting allowed! 6.The script and acting have to be crap. The actors must release a pop single. 7.Most of the cast have appeared in at least one other Aussie soap. 8.All participants must have perfect teeth and skin? And why wouldn't I want to watch good looking people? if I didn't, I'd watch the Jeremy Kyle show! 9.All domestic fridges must contain an inexhaustible supply of fruit juice. 10.At least one female member of cast must have the appearance of having had at least one face-lift. 11.Everyone's house is sparkling clean although nobody is ever seen cleaning! 12.No permanent character must have a widely-recognized disability. 13.nobody smokes nobody drinks nobody has a suntan nobody swears nobody can act since the death of bouncer 14.You can do a weeks food shop and bring it home in two small string bags. 15.You wear a school uniform until you're in your mid-20's! 16.You always wake up with your make up on. 17.Nobody has time to wash their hair or brush their teeth. 18.Enamoured teenagers who get too friendly with their objects of desire will be split up by their respective parents, who will eventually see the error of their ways and allow the star-crossed youngsters to be together: after which the female will drop a sprog (fathered by someone else) and her original boyfreind will disappear off to Oakey (???) (By the way, Why don't Aussies say fair dinkum anymore?) 19.All the girls have to have a bikini scene when they get to age 14. 20.You will get married outdoors in a pergola-type thing, half your family won't turn up (being on sabbatical playing in a Panto in Britain), you will devise your own wedding vows - heavy on the schmaltz - and, of course, something catastrophic will happen on the big day. 21.Nobody ever seems to wear reading glasses or other spectacles 22.There are no elderly people. 23.Nobody has a suntan. 24.Have you seen Cassie on Home and Away ! 25.They also have huge white teeth - see Martha on the same show. 26.Earthquakes, plane crashes, mudslides and nobody gives a second thought about this afterwards! Also the scub who raped your best friend or sister will eventually become your husband! 27.Aussie soapers are forgiving and resilient, they also have poor memories. 28.Whenever someone leaves a house, there is always someone just about to knock on the door to come in. 29.You wear a school uniform until you're in your mid-20's? ..and the skirt/dress will be so short it will only, just, cover your modesty..... 30.After an argument(where people on your street will ALL take side!) they will make friends again over a nice barbie. 31.You will suffer life threatening illness, lose a limb, and/or be starved of oxygen after being trapped in an upturned dinghy. Yet, miraculously, after only a week or so you'll have no ill-effects whatsoever. 32.You will never see this... An aboriginal tribe sits down in the middle of Ramsey Street and says 'Yeah...we did some checking at the local records office. Seems you white folks owe us Gurindji about 200 years in back rent...with interest. Oh, and we accept PayPal.' 33.None of the cast members must be handled too roughly by other cast members. This is a health and safety issue, to avoid splinters. 34.Aussie soaps have to broadcast twice in a day because nobody believes them the first time around. 35.There must not be two characters with the same first name, either past or present. I am sure we can think of some more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmasi Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 A lot of that made no sense and wasn't funny (and I usually have a good laugh at stuff like this...) but I'd just like to point out: nobody drinks What Aussie soaps have they been watching ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luc Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 I think I, along with a lot of people will agree with this addition No actual member of a community is gay or lesbian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Bee Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 35.There must not be two characters with the same first name, either past or present. Home and Away has proved this one wrong Sam Marshall and Sam Tolhurst/Holden Jack Wilson and Jack Holden Sarah Thompson/O'Neale and Sarah Lewis I'm sure there are more, i just can't think of them right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taz Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 A lot of that made no sense and wasn't funny (and I usually have a good laugh at stuff like this...) but I'd just like to point out: nobody drinks What Aussie soaps have they been watching ??? Well I did say they were a load of whingers and every one's humor is different. I like Scrubs, my brother does not get it at all. C'est la vie. And as for nobody drinking, this is the UK, land of the international lager lout; all UK soaps are based around a pub and no episode goes by without some drunken brawl, so of course we think nobody drinks. EastEnders and Coronation Street the two leading UK soaps are pub focused. Phil Mitchell (EE) is a drunken soap legend. The UK gets Neighbors and Home and Away, and we also remember The Sullivans and A Country Practice. Lots of drunken brawls in them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Known as FKAJ Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 I think at least 75% of those are totally inaccurate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmasi Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 Noah's? Charlie's? All night benders that everyone goes on whenever their life turns bad? It just seemed like a really odd point to make. As far as names go, Scott Hunter Scott Phillips That one got confusing. Jack Hunter Jack Holden Same initials to boot! And let's not forget the hellish age of: Kim, Kit, Kitty, Kelli, etc... Not the exact same name, but egads! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy H Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 Some of them points are very disrespectful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anaya Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 Noah's? Charlie's? All night benders that everyone goes on whenever their life turns bad? It just seemed like a really odd point to make. As far as names go, Scott Hunter Scott Phillips That one got confusing. Jack Hunter Jack Holden Same initials to boot! And let's not forget the hellish age of: Kim, Kit, Kitty, Kelli, etc... Not the exact same name, but egads! Adding on from that... Don, Dan, Dom, Dean, Dane.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abi Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 Some of them points are very disrespectful. Indeed, very disrespectful. 1.All participants must have perfect teeth and skin. 17.Nobody has time to wash their hair or brush their teeth. Makes no sense at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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