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All That I Want Is All That You Are

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Chapter 13

Later that day…

Luc and Mattie have been at Mattie’s most of the day, it is about 9-00 p.m. They are sitting on the sofa. Mattie is worried, she has started bleeding but doesn’t know if it is usual as she isn’t due on her period she doesn’t know whether or not to ring Rach, she is also worried about Luc, he seems distant but she doesn’t know if he is or if she is just being paranoid.

Mattie’s P.O.V.

Why is life so hard? Why are relationships so hard? So many things are going round in my head. I just don’t know what to do for the best. I mean should I really bother Rach? Should I talk to Luc about what is up with him? What if Jack was right and I am just a little slut and that Luc does only want me for sex, I know he said he doesn’t but the way he is acting makes me think otherwise. What about my mum, she is on holiday now but when she gets should I tell her? If me and Luc finish, which I hope to god we don’t, should I tell her the truth about everything. I am so confused, I just want Luc to cuddle me and tell me everything will be fine…

‘Mattie…Mattie, snap out of it, come on you have been staring into space for about 10 minutes. What were you thinking about?’ I can’t tell him, I don’t think I want to.

‘Nothing! Am I not allowed to think about things now!’ I snap back at him, a little to nastily. He looks at me, his hurt filled eyes staring right at me.

‘Sorry Luc, it’s just I’ve got a few things on my mind, forgive me please’ I say, I didn’t mean to snap I just don’t know what to do. He shuffles closer to me.

‘It’s alryt, you can talk to you know, about anything’ I doubt he would want to know about my problems, it’s a nice offer though.

‘Thanks, but I think I need to figure this out by myself, what has been up with you this afternoon? You’ve bee quiet and you hardly even glanced at me? Have I done something wrong?’ I just want to know where I stand either way, at least I will know where I stand.

‘Well…the thing is Mattie, you’re a fantastic girl, your beautiful, intelligent, amazing and I love you but I…I know something is bound to go wrong, you won’t leave me will you Mattie? I know that it might sound pathetic but I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you’ he starts to cry.

‘I’m sorry, you must think I am pathetic, but I have lost so many people I care about, my mum, my two aunties, both my Granddad’s and Nan’s. I only have my brother, who I’m not talking to and my dad and you Mattie. You are my life and I don’t ever want to be without you’ poor Luc, I pull him close to me and hold him tightly to let him know that I am here and I always will be.

‘I’m not going anywhere, you are stuck with me and I don’t know what I would do without you either, you are the most important person in my life and that isn’t going to change ever!! I promise!’ he hugs me tighter. I never realised how emotional he is, how bad his life must have been, when I lost my dad it was horrible but I had all my other family around me, he only has his brother and his dad, he has got me now as well, he really is an amazing guy. I love him even more now, although I didn’t think that was at all possible.

‘Mattie, thank you. Is it ok if I stay here with you tonight. My dad is away on business again! We can stay at mine if you would prefer, I just know that I don’t want to be without you’ I let go and look up at him and smile.

‘Of course you can stay here if you want to, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Do you want to go home and get your PJ’s’ I suggest as that way I can give Rach a quick ring.

‘Ok’ he jumps up and pulls me up.

‘See you in ten minutes baby’ he kisses me and runs out.

Now time to ring Rach…

10 minutes later…

‘Thanks Rach, see you soon love ya’ well she has out my mind at rest, she said it was completely normal, she started giving me the birds and the bees talk, which was kind of weird I might add, it was embarrassing. She swore she wouldn’t tell anyone and I know I can trust her. Luc’s just come back.

‘Hey baby, I’m back, did you miss me? Cause I missed you…lots’ he shouts as he comes through the front door.

‘Of course I missed you, why wouldn’t I?’ I tell him.

An hour later…

Luc was obviously shattered he has fallen asleep on me, we were sitting on the sofa and I started to talk to him but he didn’t answer and then I realised he was asleep bless him. We need to get to bed now though. He looks so sweet, I don’t want to wake him up, but I spose I will have to.

‘Luc, sweetie lets go to bed come on’ I say and try and move him.

‘ok, ok I’m coming’ he replies grumpily.

I pull him up and he is now properly awake.

‘Luc we need to check the doors and windows and I need to turn the T.V. off’ I tell him, he looks at me unimpressed.

‘Sorry but I don’t want the house to be burgled, mum would go mad and you were the one that said we should do it later’ he smiles.

‘OK come on then lets get it done’ he yawns and drags me to the front door and all the other doors and windows. He lets go fo my hand as we go back into the lounge.

‘I’ll turn the T.V. off for you baby’ He says to me nicely. He turns it off and comes back to where I am standing.

‘Now can we go to bed please I’m rather tired’ he grabs me from behind me and tightly raps his arms around my stomach and pushes me towards the bedroom.

He lets go as we walk in and he goes and gets into bed, I shut the door and climb into bed next to him. He pulls me in and I snuggle close to him.

‘Night Mattie, I love you’ he says and then kisses the top of my head.

‘Night, love you to Luc’ I say but he has already drifted off to sleep. I wish we could spend every night together, I wish we could stay like this forever…

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Chapter 14 the next morning

Luc had been thinking about talking to jack after last night's talkk with Mattie, he had also received a message from Jack telling him that his secret would be out if he didn't do what Jack wanted, Luc new he had to talk to Jack. Luc new he had to incase jack ever told anyone the truth about an incident that happened years ago. If anyone ever found out then he would be hated, it had been jack that had taken the blame luc new that he owed Jack his life basically. He left mattie's at the crack of dawn and went to Jack's, he new Jack would be up he always was...20 minutes later...

'No Jack I can't do that to Mattie, I love her so much how could you blackmail me like this. I have thanked you for what you did adn will never forget it but I can't hurt Mattie I love her Jack why can't you see that. Please don't Jack' he begged pleaded and cried.

'Look Luc she is just some stupid tart that showed interest in you, you can and deserve so much better. I am your brother I only want what is best for you, so you have to dump Mattie or else Luc I swear on mum's life I will reveal everything to dad and even to Mattie then she wouldn't want you anyway would she luc?' Jack said manipulating Luc.

'Ok Jack, just don't tell Mattie please' Luc succumbed to the pressure of his older brother.

'Good now go break the good news to her' Jack grinned. Luc was fuming.

Mattie's P.O.V.

I turn and face Luc as he peacefully sleeps next to me, he looks so gorgeous when he is asleep, well to me he looks gorgeous all the time but even more so when he is asleep. I can't help but think and wonder how Luc has coped with everything that has happened to him. This once again has reitterated the importance of his brother, I don't care what happens but I have to get Jack and Luc talking again, as much as I hated thinking it, I might not be with Luc forever whereas he will always have his family no matter what, I have to get them talking. Martha will be able to help.

2 Hours Later

Itwas sorted Martha would talk to Jack and sort him out and now I had to find a way to talk to Luc about it. Luc was now up and was just at his house getting changed and speaking of the deil he hsa just walked in. I spose it is now or never...

'Luc, sweatie...can we have a chat' I say in my oh so sweetest voice.

'Yeah' he replies aprehensiously.

'we need to have a talk and you have to listen and not say a word until i have finished what I am saying ok?' i tell him quite comandfully.

'ok' he replies sheepishly.

'Well Luc after last night, I think that you and Jack need to try and sort out your problems. i love you more than life its self but there is asmall chance we will not stay together but your family will always be there, you don't have a choice about it. So it is important that you and brother make up, girls come and go but family is for life that is just the way it is. now if you chose not to at least try and sort things out with jack then you and I will have to part. That is how strongly I feel about this because like i said i love you more than anything and can't imagine being without you but I will if you and jack don't sort it out. So what do you have to say?' I say noticing a sudden atmosphere hanging in the air.

'Well I...er I suppose I will Try! Just for you though, I don't want to be apart from you ever' he replies. Right answer I feel like saying to him but don't. maybe I could tempt him into this even further.

'You know Luc there are possible rewards if you sort this thing out with Jack' I say winking at him. I leap on top of him and kiss him passionately.

'Cause you see if you and Jack sort it out then we will be less stressed and worried so we will have more time for enjoyment, won't we baby' I say as i pull back from him.

'I suppose, I never realised that you could be so devious using our sexual encounters as a way to get what you want' sexual encounters What the F**k, it sounds so seedy and slaggy.

'Sexual encounters?What tyhe f**k Luc is that all it is to you just sex, well thanks Luc at least you are finally being honest, Jack was right you only want me for sex. Well screw you, if you want another sexual encounter anytime soon then find a prostitute cause I aint doing it again' I screamed at him.

Luc's P.O.V.

How could I do it, this was like my worst nightmare coming true. I have to, she will get over me and it will be better for her in the future, I thought but new it wasn't true. I have to do it, I would rather she hated me for this rather than what happened years ago with Jack.

'Yeah that's right what Jack said si true, I was just usimg you for sex, you really thought I loved you, makes you even more patheti than I first thought' I shouted back and ran out crying.

The look in her eyes as I said it was horrible, I can't get it out of my head. I opened the door of my house and ran and collapsed onto my bed. I have never cried so much... and the worst thing is I have hurt the one person in the world I promised myslef that I wouldn't, I can never hold her in my arms and protect her I can't smell her sweet scent as I cradle her in my arms, nor can I even kiss her tenderly or hold her hand. She will hate me now nothing I can do will change it. I hope Jack is happy now.

Mattie's P.O.V.

How could he say those things, I new I would end up getting hurt. As I sit here I reminice about all the happy times we shared, there seemed so many, were thay all faked? Was there ever anything between us, did he ever really love me?...

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Chapter 15

Wednesday,(two days later).

Mattie's P.O.V.

Rach has been with me since about 8-00 am this morning it is now 3 in the afternoon, bless her she must be so bored listening to me droan on about Luc. She held me tight.

'Mattie, maybe things aren't always as they seem, Luc loved you I doubt that not at all but maybe something has happened or he had reservations about how serious you were getting, I think you should talk to him' how could she suggest that I don't even want to be within the same building as him, not because I hate him but because it hurts.

'Right you come on we are going to the surf club, we can have a drink and play pool and no arguments' I really didn't feel like going but new she wouldn't give in and I really didn't have the energy to put up a fight.

'Ok' I said beaten.

Luc's P.O.V.

I never realised how much i would miss Mattie I can't stop thinking about her, all the things we used to do, all the places we went together all the things we did whilst we were there, even just receiving a text message from her gave me butterflies and now I had ruined it not out of choice though. Jack insisted that i came to the surf club with him, he failed to mention the fact he had set me up with some whore, seriously what she is wearing can't even be concidered as a outfit, she ahd easy written all over her. Jack keeps winking and making thrusting movements, I'm not like him I don't want to just **** around all the time.

Then I saw her walk in the surf club...it was Mattie and Rach. Her face said it all.

Mattie's P.O.V.

I walk in the surf club to see Luc with his hands all over some scantily glad whore, glad to see he is able to move on.

'Come on, we are here to have a drink adn we will not leave till wwe get one' Rach said.

'Ok' I said as I walked passed, Jack had a smug look on his face and Luc couldn't even look at me. What a coward.

'Come on' Rach said.

We sat down and she got us some drinks.

'I kept looking in the other direction to where Luc and his new whore were.

'Mattie, I think you should talk to Luc, I think this has more to do with Jack than it does than Luc, look at his face he is miserable' Rach insisted and I had to agree when I actually looked at his face he was rather miserable.

'i don't care I'm not talking to him, he made it clear how he really felt, now please just drop it' I stated and rach got the message.

Would it always be this hard seeing him around. Surely it can't hurt this much forever I secretly thought....

Chapter 16

A week later/

Mattie's P.O.v.

Rach is here again. Well she is just about to leave, she hasn't said why but she doesn't need a reason.

'Ok bye Matts I'll ring you in a little while love ya gorgeous' sshe says as she walks out the door. Now that she has left I am just left to sit herre and contemplate on my life and how s**t it was right now.

Luc's P.O.V.

I can't do this much any longer, it is getting worse not better the pain I feel all the time. I have seen her a few times the worst when I was with that whore in the surf club I saw Jack's smug grin as Mattie walked past I might aswell have just put a knife through my heart and hers it would have been less painful. the door bell has just gone.

I open it and am stunned to see Rachel standing there.

'Hi Luc, may I come in' she asks what does she want.

'Ermm... Yeah sure' I lead her to lounge.

'Right Luc, now I want to know somethings please, first of all what the hell are you doing? How could you treat Mattie the way you have...Hang on my phone is going' she walks out of the lounge and aswers it, then walks back in an dplaces it on the table.

'So Luc do you have anything to say do you have any idea how upset Mattie is?' she says.

'Yes if she feels anything like I do then it must be horrible, Rach you don't understand I was forced to do that to Mattie, I didn't want to but Jack made me. Something happened a while back and Jack basically got me out of a mess and if ever anyone found out then they woudl hate me, so Jack decided to blackmail and said that if I didn't finish with Mattie then he would tell my dad and Mattie what really happened and I couldn't have Mattie hate me for something like that I'd rather she just thought I was horrible to her because trust me what Jack knows is far worse, I love Mattie so much and I want her back but I can't get her back because she wouldn't want me and Jack would make her hate me anyway, so this way she will get over me and move, I am really truly sorry about what happened those things I said to her were disgraceful and as much as she hates me I hate myself more. I wish I could just scoop her up in my arms and protect her and love her but it wouldn't be fair on her' I said as tears rolled down my cheeks.

Rach Picked up her phone 'See Mattie I told you he loved you, please let him explain' she said oh no Mattie heard all of that.

'She just cut me off Luc, I think I may Have made things worse. i'm sorry' things couldn't get any worse.

'This isn't your fault Rach, you just wanted to help' I told her as the doorbell went.

'Rach will you get that I need to tidy myself up' I asked her.

'Yeah' she got up and answered the door.

'I couldn't hear who it was at the door as I stood in the kitchen splashing my face, so I was astounded as I turned and saw who was facing me...

Mattie P.O.V.

Having just heard what Luc said, the one thing I new was that i had to see him...

I was slightly surprised as Rach answered the door.

'He's in the kitchen, I will leave you to it, Mattie please just let him explain' rach said as she left.

'Thanks, I will' I said slightly excited, Luc loved me adn no matter what had happened I could deal with it.

'Bye Luc' Rach shouted as she left and shut the door.

I ran through to the kitchen, Luc's face when he saw it was me.

Seeing him now I didn't know whether to smack him accross the face or just snog the face off him. I decided on the latter.

I walked towards him and put my arms around his neck and he tenderly kissed me before I had chance to kiss him first. It was incredible, i wanted to be able to kiss him whenever I wanted I couldn't be without him i new that much.

'Why Luc, Why?' I suddenly asked, as I broke from that oh so familiar embrace.

'Why what Mattie?' he asked.

'Why did you do it, why couldn't you just explain,it can't have been that bad surelywhatever it is that you are hiding?' I ask him honestly.

'It is Mattie you really would hate me so much, i couldn't have that.I love you so much I thought it would be easier to dump you but it isn't it is horrible Mattie I just keeping remembering all that we did together how you made me feel, how amazing you are. I am so sorry' he started to cry I lead him to the sofa as i new this would take a while.

'I know Luc, I felt exactly the same only I started to question if you were just pretending, whether it was ll just faked,if you ever really loved me' i stated honestly to him.

'Oh Mattie, what have I done. I am so sorry' he says through his tears.

'I know, will you tell me what is so bad please Luc, I don't care what it is, I don't even care if you killed someone' I say and his reaction instantly confirms that that is what happened, Luc a murderer never! There must have been more to it than that.

'What?' I said panickly.

'i killed soemone, Jack had a gun that he had found and he showed me and I wanted to play with it he insisted that I didn't, then one night me and Jack went camping and some drunk guy came upto us and started shouting and hitting jack, I was hiding in the tent but could hear jack's screams of pain i searched for something to hit the man with i found the gun and went out. I smacked the man over the head with it three or four times, I couldn't stop it was like I was pocessed he lie on the floor and I continued to pound him with the gun he didn't move, didn't breath he was dead and I had killed him. jack grabbed me and put me in the tent told me to wait there and that he woudl sort it. i stayed there and waited until jack came back in the tent when he did finally come back he just said that he had disposed of the body and the gun. I hugged him so tight, so afraid, yet so relieved that Jack was ok. So you see Mattie I owe jack my life because if it wasn't for him then i would be in prison and would have ended up in there for a very long time. Jack said that itwas never to be mentioned again. I had started to forget about it and then Jack text me a few days ago and told me that uless I ended it with you then he would tell you and dad about what i am really like' he says and then sobs his heart out. Poor Luc, it wasn't his fault really, i had to make sure he new that I was there for him, that he wasn't alone.

'How old were you Luc?' I had to ask.

'Twelve' he replied.

I put my arms around him and he rested his head on my chest, we sat there for an hour. i didn't care what had happened, he apologised and I understood why. I loved him and forgave him instantly, I was more worried about what happened now.

'Luc, what do we do now?What do you want to do?' I asked him unsure of his reply.

'Mattie I am so sorry, you must hate me, I hate me. i want to be with you again and never let you go but I know that it isn't fair of me to ask you to do that' of course it was fair.

'Of course it is fair, Luc i love you, I don't care what has happened I just care about you and what is happening now. So you do want me back then?' I asked honestly but maybe a bit slefishly.

'Yes, I love you more than life, I will make it all up to you mattie I promise. I will never keep anything from you agin I promise on your life' jees he didn't have to go that far but I realised how serious he was.

'Ok Luc now come here' I tenderly kissed his lips, his face was wet from tears. He kissed back with more passionwilling me to know how sorry he was. ippulled away and lay in between his legs with his arms wrapped around me. he tenderly began to stroke my arm.

'Mattie' he whispered.

'You are incredible, you know that i don't deserve you i am really sorry again' he said honestly.

'Hey we deserve each other, we love each other what is more deserving than that and as for being sorry well don't, it is over in the past now forget about it and move on' I replied as he snuggled closer to me. We must have fallen asleep...

two hours later...

'Luc are you awake baby' I asked quietly, no reply obviously meant that he wasn't. I gently removed his arms from around me, I got up and kissed his forehead. I had to go to loo I was desperate.

'Mattie are you here' I heard him shout as I flushed the loo.

'Yeah I am, just been to the loo' I said as i walked back into the lounge.

'When I woke and you weren't here I thought I had been dreaming' the worried expressionreflected what he had jsut said.

'I was desperate for the loo nad I didn't want to wake you because you looked so peaceful' I leant down to kiss him and he pulled me on top of him. i wasn't ready for sex just yet, although I had forgiven him ,I still couldn't get those words out of my head.

'Luc I can't I'm sorry' I told him as I pulled away and stood up.

'im not ready for sex just yet, i know I said I had forgiven you and I have but I still can't get those words out of my head, the way you said them was the worst part about it, it really hurt' I told him honestly.

'i know i'm sorry, i will make it up to you, now come here sex isn't everything you know and by the way Mattie, we don't have sex we make love ok' he replied seriously. he grabbed me and pulled me back down, i melted into him instantly. He switched the tv on and we sat watching it for hours.

Four hours later...

Luc's P.O.V.

I was so happy, I finally ha Maatie back. this week had been like hell, not being able to touch her, smell her just be with her. It was now 8 o'clock and we had just eaten adn ere back sitiing snuggled up together on the couch watching tv. Mattie started to kiss me, she tasted of chocolate. We were so wrapped up in eachother that neither of had realised the front door was being opened.

'Luc, what the.....' Jack shouted. he startled us both.

'I thought you had finished with her? Do you really want me to have to tell her what you are really like' he couldn't do or say anything as Mattie already new everything now.

'No Jack I don't want you to tell her because it would be a waste of breath' i said back.

'I already know everything Jack and I still want to be with him, I still love him, although I think i love him even more nowand its all thanks to you' Mattie shouted a little cockily.

Jack started to erupt with anger.

'How could you Luc, that little tart will go and tell everyone, then were will we be, in jail thats where!' he shrieked.

'I won't tell a soul, I love Luc why would I hurt him or betray him like that. How can you even call him your brother you tried to blackmail him to get what you wanted what brother does that'again Mattie shout at Jack.

'Mattie, leave it this is between him and me, I don't want you to get involved you will only get jurt and I have done that enough.No one will ever hurt you agin I promise, not while I am around' I told her loudly so JAck could hear. She smiled and kissed me tenderly on the cheek. She was sitting behind me now, I was in between her legs kind of. She put her hands around me as to protect me and comfort me to stop me being angry.

'jack, we are going to be together no matter what you say or do, I am not scared of you anymore, you haven't got anything on me, you can't ruin my life.Now you either accept me and Mattie or you don't. But whichever you choose I don't want any trouble ok' I told him.

'Fine Luc you stick with her, I aint sticking around to see you get jurt by that selfish little tart' he shouted and stormed out slamming the door behind him.

Mattie had tightened her grip aroiund me so much by this point, that I can hardly breath.

'Mattie can't really breath, let go please' I squealed between breaths.

'Oh sorry Luc, I was jsut scared' poor girl. She has been incredible. I have to make it upto her and I know just how...I can do that tomorrow. now I need to concentrate on tonight.

'Mattie, will you stay with me tonight please, I know you aren't ready for anything physical but i just want to hold you please' I begged.

'Of course Luc I have been away from you for far to long, never again and as for the love making lets just say i could be persuaded, especially as you just defended me. Nothing like a knight in shining armour to rekindle our love' she replied, I had to show her the night of her life, show her I had missed, how much she ment to me and how sorry I was. This was going to be a long night good job we had that sleep in the afternoon...

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