Denial

[Zetti]

Lol

[jackandmarthaforever!!]

That was amazing -Jade-!!! Really well written. I love how you described Martha's emotions. It was really sad! I loved the way Jack was right at the end. Anyway fab fic and I really hope you will continue with it!!

[linzie_mac01]

That was a great fic, i could really tap in to how martha was feeling and she is so much fun when she's drunk lol

[vale4eva]

That really was excellent Jade!

Marthas really got it bad hasnt she. She deserves it though

Diving head first into the waves after having practically drunk the whole club, and Jack just stands there and watches! I dont blame him, id do the same.

Best leave her to it Jacky, she'l only end up going off at you again

Great chapter, looking forward to the next one.

How many chapters is this going to be? Cause technically you could make this into a long fic! Wink wink!

[xsianx]

Great writing !

Poor Martha, I don't blame you, Ash is kinda Hot.

Hope to read more from you soon. Trapped?

[-Jade-]

lol, it might just stay as a one shot. Otherwise it'll only be a three parter fic.

[puja]

Fantastic chapter; I loved it!

Martha was hilarious and Jack was, well, he was just Jack

I know you want to concentrate on 'Trapped', but please do consider expanding on this, even if it is a three-parter, it's great!

[-Laura-]

Awww that was fabulous! Your writing is soooo good Jade! I esp loved the bit between Martha and Jack at the end when you described her trying to poke him! Made me laugh because i could totally see her drunkenly squinting trying to get him in the chest but not succeeding! lol It was sooooo good you definitely have to consider adding to it in the not too distant future but i understand you want to concentrate on Trapped which is good too because that fic is awesome aswell! Well look forward to reading more from you in the future because its all sooooo good!

[-Jade-]

Ok so I've been in the writing mood, so I came up with part 2, but I kinda want to emphasise a couple of things:

1. These parts are part of like a series, but they are each supposed to stand alone as a one shot. So try to kind of read it with that in mind.

2. This is not a J&M fic. This is a fic about Jack and Martha, but not them as a couple - it's about the issues surrounding their break up and such. It's about the trials they're going through in their heads. Just wanted to emphasise that because if you're expecting a JM happy ending (Nicole ) it won't happen. It's not even going to really have an ending or conclusion - as I said, they're a series of one shots. They're not really supposed to make up a whole story with beggining, middle and end.

So please read and review - honesty is really appreciated. And Enjoy!

PART 2 - 'I have this undeniable hunger for oblivion.'

“Sam! I’m not still in love with Martha, for the millionth time!” Jack cried out in frustration, his face scrunched up in annoyance at her petite frame stood in front of him, arms crossed and eyes disbelieving.

“Jack, just be honest with me! We got together at a bad time – Martha had just dumped you, it’s understandable that you would still be hurting, that there’d still be something there.” She said desperately, before quietening down. “I just can’t do it Jack, not again – I can’t get hurt like this, neither can Rory. So save us the pain and just be honest.” She finished, partly upset, but also angry at herself for being so guarded. She looked down at the floor, desperately trying to mask her pain as she prepared to lose the man that she knew, at another time and another place, would have been perfect for her.

Jack looked at her as she tried to hold it together. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t understand what he was feeling, he just wanted to make Sam feel better, feel secure. Taking a deep breath he approached her, his hand reaching under her chin and bringing her face up to look at him.

“Ok, since we’re being honest here, I’ll try my best to explain how I’m feeling. You and Rory, you mean so much to me now. I don’t think you understand…” he emphasised, pausing only a moment before continuing. “I won’t deny that I love Martha, because that would be unfair, but it’s a different kind of love now. It’s definitely more than a friendship kind of love, but it wouldn’t justify ever going back to that relationship. That part of my life has gone; I couldn’t go back with all that risk of getting hurt again.” Again, Jack paused, wanting to phrase it right.

“When me and Martha met it was like, ironically, love at first sight. I might never have that with someone else. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.” He finished gently. “You and Rory are my life now; please don’t let the past get in the way. And Martha – she’s going through a hard time right now, I’m her best friend, you’re going to have to accept that she comes with me, you can’t really avoid it. But I love you, more than anything. I promise.”

Jack finished and looked gently into her green eyes, wanting to comfort her pain and secure her feelings. He saw the hesitant look in her eyes as she tried to establish whether it was the worth the risk. And maybe she decided that she was sick of running, that maybe she should take a chance – in life and in love.

Slowly she nodded, a small smile appearing as she realised that maybe this was right, maybe she had been reading into things too much.

“Ok.” She said softly, looking right back at Jack. And he smiled in return, that smile that said that she was the only one he cared about. Then she felt herself being gathered into his strong arms, protecting her from anything and everything.

-

Martha stood frozen outside the door seconds later, as all her surroundings seemed to blur spectacularly into one whole swirl of despair. Her mind went into overdrive, processing, and reprocessing all that she had heard. Of course she deserved it – what had she been expecting? For Jack to drop everything? For him to say he loved her and that nothing could change that? Well apparently time was a major factor, as was hurt. She had hurt him, probably more than she could ever have imagined.

And then the other scenario hit her – would she really have had to hear him say that if she hadn’t taunted and pushed Sam into that state of mind… that frame of doubt? Probably not, because that’s what she was good at – making things worse.

“God damn it, Martha.” she muttered, self hatred starting to echo through her thoughts. And slowly she backed away from the house, from Jack’s words, from the emotions hanging intoxicatingly in the air. She didn’t want to feel this anymore. She thought that she was good with pain, that she was tough, that she could deal with rejection, with deceit. But this was completely different – this was unknown to her. She had been treated badly by sleazy guys before, that wasn’t new, neither was her own path of self destruction. But she was hurting about a guy who had only ever been good to her, who had only ever treated her well.

And she started to run, run somewhere where she could just get lost.

-

Martha dug her feet into the damp, cool sand, letting her toes sift through the grains. Looking up, she squinted against the sun, wondering whether the weather could actually manage to be any more different to her mood. She didn’t really know what to do any more, she didn’t get the point of the situation – why was everything always so damn complicated? It was like life was trying you out; seeing how far it could push you before you went over the edge. Martha was great at pretending; usually. But this time there was no denying that this hurt; it really hurt, and Martha couldn’t see a way out. She knew that Jack loved Sam; that much was apparent from the words that he had uttered earlier, but the only way around this was to fall out of love with him. And Martha didn’t think she could do that. Well, she couldn’t see it happening right now.

She couldn’t see herself forgiving her mistakes either. After all, she had put herself in this position, no one had helped or contributed to the mess, it was just her.

Still looking at the startling blue of sea, with it’s glinting surface, she contemplated just throwing herself into the nothingness of the sea, throwing herself into oblivion. Would that help her forgot? She didn’t know, but she was sure as hell going to try it. Nothing could mess her life up anymore now, she had nothing to lose, she could afford to be stupid, take risks. Because she was now in a place that was past reasonable thinking, she just wanted an escape. The infinite expanse of water was beckoning her to come and get lost.

So, decisively she pushed herself off the ground and shed her singlet and shorts, revealing the bikini previously hidden beneath the layers.

-

Her head was the first to receive the numbing shock as she fed herself into the waves. It was like the water was gripping her tightly, putting pressure on her body as she swum underneath the surface. And she kept holding her breath until she experienced a light, heady feeling that took over her thoughts. Eventually, needing to breathe she burst out from the surface gasping for air and looked back to shore. And, as if it was life’s way of taunting her, there stood Jack, looking straight at her. Giving an exasperated sigh she waded back into the shallows and walked up the sand, partly pissed off that Jack had interrupted in her ‘forgetting’ session, but also curious about why he wanted to talk to her. It had to be important is he was waiting for her.

Warily she approached still dripping water from her swim. Quickly she put on a smile.

“Hey” she said in a bright voice, waving slightly. Jack just looked at her, seeing right through her façade.

“I saw you run away before – from outside the house. I saw you crying.” He said softly. Martha rolled her eyes choosing not to reply to the statement. Jack stood expectantly, but realised she wasn’t going to answer.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. Martha turned to look at him, her eyes almost accusing him of trying to make the whole situation worse for her.

“Funnily enough, no.” she bit back sarcastically, turning away from him to look out at the sea.

“Maybe you should…” Jack attempted but was promptly interrupted, as Martha turned angrily towards him again.

“Maybe you should just leave.” She replied bluntly, pushing Jack away, because it was the easiest thing to do. Because it was what she always did.

Jack sighed, he knew this was going to be difficult, if Martha didn’t want to do something, invariably it just wouldn’t happen. End of.

But Jack also knew her better than most and he knew that this was stubborn Martha talking - the one who appeared when she was actually feeling most vulnerable and upset. And he could see the pain in her eyes clearly, despite the fact that she was trying to hide it.

Approaching her, he put his arm around her gently and gathered her into a hug, trying to ease her pain. At first Martha tensed up, refusing to relax into his hold, refusing to let herself think that this was anymore than a friendly hug. But in the end she realised that that was what she needed right now; a friend.

After a few moments, she pulled away, her cheeks stained with a few solitary tears. Looking up at him she smiled slightly.

“You’re not making this any easier you know.”

[beckyboo]

I’m her best friend, you’re going to have to accept that she comes with me,

^^^^^ So cute

“You’re not making this any easier you know.”

^^^^^^^^^So sad

This is Fab Jade

Update the next part soon