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Guest -Jade-

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Story Title: Denial

Type of story: a series of one shots

Main Characters: Martha

BTTB rating: T

Genre: Drama

Does story include spoilers: Yes

Any warnings: (V/D) (SC) (L)

Summary: Martha's thoughts.

Wow, so long time, no writing, right? lol It has been agggggessss since I've written anything, but I'm back in the mood so hopefully you'll all start to see some updating on Trapped - that's if you're even still reading any of you. lol I wouldn't blame you if you're not. I might do some more random one shots and I might add more to this. This is just a small piece I did a while back, kinda in response to Martha being so naive, and also in response to a one shot Jamey-Maria (aka Krystal) wrote, although I'm not sure whether she ever posted it. :S In other news, Krystal wrote a guest chapter for Trapped for me (which is brill) so look out for that... :) Other than that, honest reviews are really appreciated, if you don't like it, tell me why, any constructive criticism is really welcome. :) Thanks to anyone who reads!

PART 1 - 'It is the weak who are cruel.'

The Surf Club was heaving with people. Coloured lights danced around the room, highlighting random victims, creating a brief insight into that person having fun and forgetting about their troubles; enjoying Christmas.

And then there was Martha. Gradually pushed right into the corner, she just stood and watched. She observed her grandfather talking to people at the bar, having a laugh. She saw Cassie and Macca, Ric and Matilda, Robbie and Tasha, Kim and Rachel, all having a great time. Happy in each others arms. And whilst they were basking in their unbroken love, their unbreakable bonds, she was sitting there with no one but herself to blame. No, she didn’t have Ash. Because Ash, if he even deserved a name, was probably enjoying Christmas with his wife and two gorgeous children, continuing to weave his deceit, she thought bitterly. Because he hadn’t had the guts to go and tell his wife the truth and Martha hadn’t had the heart to do it to the kids. It seemed like she had actually grown up just a little bit in the last few days; because revenge, she knew would just bring more unhappiness. The effort would be wasted, because as much as it would hurt Ash, and have the desired affect, it would also tear apart a family and Martha felt like she had done too much of that already this year. After all, she had torn her own apart in the first place.

She had done a grand job of that, and she had succeeded in only one thing – making herself miserable. Why did she always do it? Ruin a good thing? She didn’t know; it was like she couldn’t help it. She always had to be the one in control; but in reality she was never in control, because she couldn’t control herself. And she always paid the price.

Well it was too late to wallow in self pity now, she had to move on. And the first way of doing that was sorting things out with Jack. Due to her being a complete bitch to him, he hadn’t spoken to her in a fortnight. She didn’t think she would be talking to herself either after all the sniping comments she had made to Sam, all those little things she had said to make Sam doubt Jack’s love for her. Why couldn’t she have just been nice? After all, Jack had been so accepting and kind when he had found out that she had actually slept with Ash, effectively behind his back. But no, Martha couldn’t return the favour. Despite the fact that she had ended the marriage, she still felt the need to twist the knife. Because she couldn’t just be a mature adult, could she? She pretended to have all these morals, and then she went and broke them all. She had had a pretty good go at Cassie for cheating on Ric behind his back, and then what had she gone and done? Slept with Ash. Well that turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life.

Slowly her eyes glanced over the bodies dancing, talking, drinking and then she spotted him. Jack. Wow, she had really screwed him around. Though it hurt, she was glad he had moved on to someone better, someone who could actually treat him with a bit of respect. She couldn’t think of anyone less deserving of his love than herself. She had nagged constantly and yea that could be excused - but sleeping with his best mate? Leaving him when there were a few problems? Abandoning him when he needed her the most? That was low. He didn’t deserve that. He never had. In fact, he still didn’t deserve the way she had treated him since, what, with her subtle attacks on Sam and her temper tantrums whenever he told her to be careful of Ash. And yet he had been right. He was always right really, and that was just too annoying, she thought to herself as her face developed a wry smile. So what if he was a jerk when she first met him? He had turned out to be an adorable one. But Martha quickly shook herself out of that phase of reminiscing. She had made her bed, now she had to lay in it.

Gradually she pushed herself away from the wall that she had been leaning on and steadied herself, wondering why she had decided to wear those heels. They were her favourite pair, but had she really expected to walk in them after a drink or two? Not that she was drunk, Alf had made sure of that, but she was just a teeny bit under the influence and she was feeling just that bit more daring. Her emotions were running high and she hated the fact that she seemed to be over analysing things. Had she really just spent the last quarter of an hour considering the ins and outs of her marriage? Well now she was going to have fun, and she was going to talk to Jack, later. He could wait. He was having too much fun with Sam anyway, she thought resentfully as her eyes swivelled around to room to come to a stop on their bodies, close together; and their faces, happy. No, she was never going to have that love again, but she was sure determined to have more fun. She’d outdo them easily. And as she saw her grandfather walk into the store room, she stepped up to the bar to fill in for his brief absence, as he always expected her to do. Somehow, she didn’t think he’d expect her to be helping herself to her own drink of choice though. People shouted their orders over the music and Martha obliged, dipping down to fetch their drinks, whilst topping up her empty glass from earlier with vodka. As she resurfaced skilfully, she added a touch of orange juice to her drink, hoping to disguise it to some extent from her grandfather’s ever old fashioned views on alcohol consumption. Which was totally ironic, considering that he was half owner of the only club in Summer Bay.

But then again, the rules only ever seemed to apply to her. No biggie though, she knew how to get around the old man, she knew him too well. As she saw him approaching she stepped down, leaving the bar open to him again.

“You having a good time love?” he asked her, as she stood a good few feet away to avoid him smelling the alcohol on her breath. She produced a beaming smile for him.

“Yea, the best Grandad.” Maybe she should have become an actress, she thought to herself, because she was sure good at pretending – she seemed to do it endlessly these days.

She then started to work her way back through the moving bodies, back to her corner, when she was grabbed around the wrist. Turning around she followed the arm up to a guy, who looked a couple of years older than her. He was quite sexy, she thought to herself as she considered his rugged look and smiled flirtatiously up at him. He took that as a sign and pulled her in towards him, moving against her to the beat of the music. And she let him take her away from her troubles, away from the thoughts swirling through her head. Briefly she paused to down what was left of her vodka before turning around to face him, her arms snaking around his neck.

In the corner of her eye, she noticed Alf and Beth swapping shifts and realised that now the real party could begin. Her granddad couldn’t look over her shoulder now, and she suddenly felt freer.

Lifting her lips to his ear she whispered, her breath all the heavier with alcohol.

“Get me a drink. A strong one.” And slowly he slid his hands away from her waist and was back in seconds with another glass. And he kept bringing them to her until they were in the corner, her lips pushing against his passionately, whilst his hands roamed and her tongue teased him. If she closed her eyes, she could almost ignore how stupid she knew she was being and enjoy the moment.

That was until she was pulled out of it.

“What are you doing?!” she heard someone whisper in her ear. Turning around she was faced with her one and only, as he gave her that disapproving look that riled her up so much.

“I don’t know Jack, what does it look like I’m doing to you? I’m having fun. You know, that three letter word? A concept I don’t think you’ve grasped yet.” She said, letting her words slur as she attempted to poke him hard in the chest. Jack grabbed her roughly in response.

“Ok enough, let’s go outside; you look like you’re going to be sick.” But she just laughed in response.

“What are you fussing about? I’m fine. I’m perrfeectly fine, just leave me alone. Go back to Sam. Your gorgeous girlfriend. Where is she anyways?” Martha asked as she turned her head in all directions, a totally confused expression on her face.

“That’s none of your business.” said Jack harshly, as he started to pull her towards the doors. Martha laughed incredulously.

“And yet you” she said, as she again attempted to poke him “insist on getting involved in my business, which is technically not your business.” She finished triumphantly as she nodded her head in an unbalanced way to prove her point. Jack chose to ignore her comment.

“Just get out here before you throw up in here and Beth has to clean it up.” Martha met him with a look of disgust.

“For the last time Jack, I’m absolutely fine! I feel no need to…” She found herself leaning over as she threw up just a few metres away from the club. Stumbling a bit she attempted to straighten herself before feeling another wave of nausea hit her. She grabbed the tissues Jack was handing her and finally it seemed to cease. Standing up she looked down at herself and groaned.

“Ewww, I feel disgusting.” Jack just looked at her with an expression that clearly said “I told you so”. But Martha was feeling too sickened with herself to object. Instead, she began to run towards the sea.

“Martha! Where are you going?!” Jack shouted out. Briefly she turned around, her eyes glinting slightly.

“To wash!” she said as she flung herself headfirst into the waves. Jack laughed slightly, despite the previous occurrences.

Because that was just typical Martha behaviour.

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That was brill!

Every time I've read this (which is quite a lot, since Jade forgot that she'd already sent it me :P) I've loved it. It's 'mazing...

You've got to make it into a full fic. You just have to. I'd love you for it. :)

Great writing Jadey.

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Jade this is great

I love the descriptions your using to describe her feelings and stuff fab.

To wash!” she said as she flung herself headfirst into the waves. Jack laughed slightly, despite the previous occurrences.

Because that was just typical Martha behaviour.

I think Sama nd Jack have broken up :P

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