Dead Nor Alive

[carmelle]

Story Title: Dead nor Alive

Type of story: one shot

Main Characters: Peter Baker

BTTB rating: G

does story include spoilers: No

Is story being proof read: No

Any warnings: No

summary: Peter Baker reflects on his life

The room was dark and silent apart from the sound of his breathing. He felt like he had been in this room for what felt like ever. It could have been hours, days or may be even weeks, he just couldn’t tell any more. He was alone and scared.

He had seen his life flash before him several times, and each time there had been many regrets, many things left unsaid, his life was incomplete. He was dead to the outside world and everyone that mattered, everyone apart from him. He wished he had died.

But what stood out most in his flash backs and what kept playing constantly on repeat in his images was that day just over five years ago, the day when he received that call.

5 years earlier…

He looked up from his desk where he was filling out some paper work. The clock said mid day. He looked back to his desk. The phone started to ring. He picked it up.

“Detective Baker”

There was silence at first followed by the voice of a nervous woman who he didn’t recognise.

“Hi, Peter... We need to talk. I know it’s been a long time, but it’s important.”

Peter was confused. Who was this woman that was ringing him at work?

“Ok, but are you going to tell me who you are?”

“Oh, sorry, it’s Christy. I don’t know if you remember me…but…”

There was silence from both ends of the phone. Peter remembered.

“Christy! Yes it has been a very long time and I do remember…So what do you need to talk to me about?” he asked sounding confused.

Christy seemed to hesitate before she spoke again. “Like I said it’s important. Is there any way we can meet up?”

Peter was curious. “Well ok, if it’s as important as you say it is. I have a break in two hours, so you can meet me outside the station. I’m assuming you know which station seeing as you know the number for it.”

Christy seemed to hesitate again before she answered. “Fine Pete, I’ll see you then!” And with that she hung up the phone.

Peter placed the receiver back and sat back in his chair wondering what was so important for Christy to be calling him after so long. The last time he had seen her they had both thought that they were madly in love with each other and would spend forever together. What did they know, they had just turned fifteen, and then all of a sudden she disappeared. Peter later found out that she had moved away with her family. He was heart broken. A few weeks later he had forgotten about her, until now. He assumed she needed help from the police. He was going to find out in two hours; in the mean time he had paper work that wasn’t going to fill it self in, and started writing away.

At two Peter found himself outside the station, alone. He waited for fifteen minutes. She obviously wasn’t going to show up and he needed his break. He turned to walk down the road and found him self standing face to face with a beautiful woman with long black hair, she looked vaguely familiar. She smiled at him. He smiled back, nervously.

“Christy?” he asked his voice shaking. Twelve years later and he still found himself nervous around her.

She smiled back. “Hello Peter.”

He looked at her. She was as beautiful as he had remembered, but there was something about her, she looked tired and sad. 12 years had changed her, but then again the last time he had seen her they were young and without a care in the world. He realized she was probably thinking the same thing about him.

“I’m on my break and was about to go get some coffee, why don’t you join me?” He asked, not so nervous any more. He wasn’t going back into his office without having his coffee.

“Sure!”

As they walked to the coffee shop he noticed that she wasn’t talking, and found the silence awkward, and was grateful when his phone rang. By the time he had hung up he found himself seated opposite Christy, with two coffees on the table.

He needed to head back to his office soon, so he decided to speak first.

“Well this is very out of the blue, how have you been?”

“Oh I know it’s very unexpected, but it’s my last resort. I’ve been ok, oh and what about your brother and parents, how are they?”

“Ok Christy, I haven’t heard or seen from you in twelve years and all of a sudden you ring me at work telling me you need to talk to me, and now you’re telling me it’s your last resort, so we’re not here to talk about my brother or my parents, who are all fine by the way, thanks for asking, so lets just cut to the chase. What’s wrong? Are you in some kind of trouble? Do you need my help?”

Christy looked up from her coffee and smiled. “Ok, well firstly, I want to tell you how sorry I am for not telling you this any sooner, second, I hope that you’re not going to hate me and third, YES, I do need your help!”

Peter was confused and smiled nervously. “What are you sorry about, what have you done?”

Christy opened her bag and pulled out what Peter thought was a piece of paper and placed it on the table in front of him. He saw that it was a photo of a curly haired boy.

“Cute kid!” he said smiling up at her.

“This is my son, well he’s…” Christy began

“Oh dear, if he’s missing, I promise you that I will do everything I can to help you find him and bring him back home safely.” Peter interrupted.

“No Pete! He’s not missing, he’s at home!” she added quickly trying to snap Peter out of detective mode.

“Well if he’s in some kind of trouble, I will see what I can do to help!”

“No, he’s not in trouble either!” Christy answered quietly.

Peter sat in silence, starting at Christy, his confusion showing on his face.

“Like I was trying to tell you, this is Andrew Curtis, my son. OUR son! There I’ve told you!” Christy said as she let out a sigh of relief and looked like a ton of bricks had just been lifted of her shoulders.

She looked up at Peter. He looked scared more than anything.

“Pete say something, anything? PETE!” Christy cried over the table as quietly as she could.

Peter began to shake his head. He looked angry.

“But…well…I don’t know…what do you want me to say? I mean are you sure that he’s mine? How do I know that he’s mine? It’s been so long, why are you telling me now? Besides the kid hasn’t even got blonde hair!” Peter sounded more hurt than angry.

“Peter Baker, trust me he’s yours! His name is Andrew Curtis, he just turned twelve, and I wanted to tell you all those years ago, but my parents forced me to move away with them, and since then I’ve never found the right time, and I’m telling you now as I can’t look after him anymore and what has blonde hair got to do with anything anyway?”

“Oh, I understand now. You want my money, so now you...” Peter didn’t have time to finish, Christy interrupted him.

“NO PETER! I don’t want your money. In fact I’m married and my husband and I have three children of our own. We’ve tried to make it work as a family, we really have, but Drew, he prefers to be called Drew, just doesn’t belong there and it doesn’t make sense for me to give up one child over three and my parents want nothing to do with Drew and I can hardly ask my husband’s family. Drew hasn’t got anyone else. That’s why I’m here now, asking you.” Christy tried to reason.

Peter was now furious, no child deserved to feel like they had no one, especially when he had a mother, and a father, if he was the father that is. He had to tell himself to calm down before he spoke again.

He looked at Christy.

“You’ve had enough of this kid, so now it’s my turn? And you expect me to take him on, just like that after all these years of not knowing ANYTHING about him? Tell me does he even know who I am? Cause I sure as hell don’t know him!” He was shouting now and people around them were staring. He looked down into his empty cup.

Christy tried again.

“Pete, I know I should have told you a long time ago, trust me I wanted to. I’m here now because I need your help, because I don’t know what I’m going to do and he knows that you’re his father, but he obviously doesn’t KNOW you.”

It was Peter’s turn to interrupt. “Christy, I have to get back to work, I don’t know what to do either.”

He got up and started towards the door. He turned back and saw Christy crying, he wanted to go and tell her that everything was going to be fine and that they would all get through this, but Peter Baker never made a promise he couldn’t keep. He turned back towards the door and walked back to his office.

He was back in his office by three thirty; it felt like it was much later.

He tried to block out everything from his break by throwing himself into his paper work. It worked until he was leaving. On his way out he was handed a piece of paper and the photo of Drew from reception. It had Christy’s number and address on it. Peter folded them into his pocket and went home for the night for some much needed sleep.

That night he didn’t sleep at all. He sat up most of the night staring at the picture of the boy. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to ring his brother, Dan, but wasn’t sure what he was going to say to him. He waited for morning to come.

Morning came. He rang the number on the paper he was given.

The phone rang, Christy answered.

“Hey, it’s Pete. I want to meet him, TODAY!”

Christy hesitated before finally saying “Fine, I’ll bring him to the coffee shop from yesterday, at four!”

“You do that!” and with that Peter hung up.

At four Peter found himself sitting at the same table from the day before. He was nervous and it was showing. He was excited too, but decided not to show that. Every time the door opened he would look up, only to see that it wasn’t Christy with a kid in tow. What felt like forever passed before the door opened and he saw her standing in front of him. She walked over to him, and behind her was the boy from the photo. Peter stood up and pulled out chairs for both of them. The kid sat down and didn’t look up.

Peter was quiet too. Christy spoke.

“Ok this is not easy. Peter meet Drew, your son. Drew this is Peter, your father!”

“It’s nice to meet you mate!” Peter was being honest.

“I’m not your mate, jerk!”

“Drew, be nice!” Christy interrupted.

“Nice? Why should I be nice to him? Where has he been all these years?” Drew was fuming. It was definitely not what Peter had expected or wanted.

“I only found out about you yesterday!” Peter tried to explain.

Drew shot a menacing look at his mother. Christy was shaking. She seemed scared of him. Peter saw and realized he had no idea what he was getting himself in for.

“Well now that I know about you, I would like for us to get to know each other. What do you think?”

Drew was quick to respond “Stuff your getting to know each other. I only came here today to see what kind of a person you are, and now that I’ve seen you, I know that you’re nothing great. I don’t want to have nothing more to do with you…EVER!”

With that Drew got up from his chair and ran out.

Christy got up from hers. “Pete, I’m so sorry.” and ran after her son.

“Yeah me too!” said Pete quietly, not that anyone heard him. He left the coffee shop and went back home.

That night his phone rang. He picked it up

“Detective Baker”

It was Christy. “Hey, I know things didn’t go that well today, but I’m still struggling here and not sure what to do…”

Peter interrupted her. “Well I have an idea, and it may work if you and Drew both agree. The way I see it Drew can either sort out his act and stay with you, or he can come and stay with me if he wants to, OR, he can go to boarding school. What do you think?”

Peter was shocked at what he had just said. He hadn't planned anything, the words just came out of his mouth.

“I can’t afford to pay for boarding school!” Christy replied.

“I can, but it’s Drew’s choice. What do you think?”

“I need to talk to him”

“You do that!” With that Peter hung up and tried to get some sleep.

The next morning he was woken up early by a phone call, he thought it was going to be from the station. It wasn’t.

A week later he found himself inside the visiting room of the best boarding school for boys in the country. A note had been sent to Drew earlier on in the day letting him know that his father would be coming to see him. Peter was nervous. The door opened and Drew walked in.

The door shut behind him. There was an awkward silence. Peter spoke first.

“I just wanted to know what you think of this place.”

“It beats living with mum!”

“Well I would still like to get to know you. My offer for you to come and live with me still stands. You can come now, or may be later, or when ever you want. It’s up to you. I’m not going to force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I also want to say sorry for not having had the chance to have known you earlier, even if it wasn’t my fault and I just want you know that I will always be here for you, if and when you need me…”

Peter wasn’t sure where he was going with his speech, but he didn’t get the chance to find out. Drew made sure of that.

“Listen, jerk, I DO NOT want to get to know you. I don’t want to live with my mother who I have known all my life, so why would I want to live with a father who I have known for less than a week? I hate my mother, and I hate you even more. I don’t want to have anything to do with you…EVER. Don’t come back here saying that you want to see me or talk to me, cause I sure as hell don’t want to see you or talk to you. You are dead to me! NOW LEAVE!”

Peter was shocked and he felt like he wanted to cry. He didn’t know what to say. So he did as he was told. He opened the door and closed it behind him. He was sure he heard crying coming from inside the room, he wanted to go back in and tell Drew that he wasn’t going to go anywhere, but he didn’t want Drew to see him crying. Peter had managed to shock himslef yet again. There wasn't much that brought tears to his eyes. He walked to his car and drove back home. He decided that he would come back and see Drew in a few days, once he had time to calm down.

Peter went into work the next day and was told by his superiors that they were sending him undercover. Peter didn’t want to go, but then decided that maybe doing a stint undercover would give Drew enough time to get used to the idea of having a father, and him enough time to get used to having a son.

Unfortunately Peter found out that in his job one thing always led to another. He found that he could never get away from his work. It had completely taken over his life. He often thought to himself that if he really wanted to go and see his son he could, but he always found a reason to not go, or usually blamed it on work. Eventually days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, and still Peter had never found the time.

Back to the present…

Things had changed a bit since then. Peter had all the time in the world now. As he lay in the darkness of the room, dead to the outside world, he wondered to himself what would have happened had he chosen not to walk away from Drew that day, had he just faced his fears and gone and visited Drew; he wondered where Drew was at that moment. Peter fell asleep thinking about the son that he never got to know, hoping that he was happy and safe, where ever he was.

Meanwhile in Summer Bay…

Dan Baker, his wife Leah and their friend Sally were going through Peter’s belongings. Sally found a document and handed it to Dan. The document stated that Peter’s money was being paid into an account belonging to an Andrew Curtis.

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