Eli Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 Thak you both for the reviews, they mean a lot! Also they are really helpful, and I feel like I have improved my writing since I started posting here, much thanks to great reviews like that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted February 17, 2007 Report Share Posted February 17, 2007 Chapter 7 – Games The plan had worked out too well. Johannah had a feeling something bad would happen, this was going too smoothly. Constantly looking over her shoulder Johannah hurried along the beach promenade, on her way to complete the job, and tell DeAnna all she had found out. Honestly she couldn't wait to get it all out of her life, knowing that as soon as DeAnna had her information she wouldn't have to worry about her revealing the secret. Even with only 184 students there was a lot of paperwork to do. Sally had gone through the new timetables six times, but she was still finding mistakes and double-booking of rooms. «Sheila, could you come in here for a second?» she called out, trying to figure out why six different classes were booked for room C206 on the first period Monday morning. «What is it?» Sheila asked, standing in the door. «There's a problem with the booking of C206 Monday morning,» Sally said, «I know you wanted it, but could you maybe use B117 for a few weeks instead?» Sheila checked her book. «Sure,» she said, «I don't think we will need it that much either, I'm planning on starting up with a new, really big project.» Sally frowned. «Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, haven't your class already had a project this month? I don't want them to have too much homework with the applying for electives next year coming up...» «What project?» Sheila started at her, she obviously had no idea what Sally was talking about. «Johannah mentioned a project about local heroes, she asked me to help her.» Sheila just kept staring. She still had no idea what Sally was talking about. «So, what have you got for me?» DeAnna smiled, looking like a hungry wolf that had just smelled fresh meat. Johannah sighed. She was very nervous of being overheard here at the beach, but DeAnna obviously had nothing but her the information in mind. It was some kind of sick, desperate obsession. «I lied to Sally about having a school project, and she told me everything,» Johannah almost whispered, and swallowed. «What are you waiting for?» DeAnna almost whispered back. Johannah couldn't help swallowing again. «Are you ready?» she said. DeAnna leaned back and smiled. «Bring it on.» «I don't mean to say anything bad about Johannah,» Sheila said, frowning, «But I mean, so teenagers want extra homework!» Sally nodded. «I just don't understand why she would lie to me and ask for information about Kirsty Phillips.» As soon as she had said the words, Sally understood. «Excuse me, Sheila,» she muttered and hurried towards the door, «I have to go find DeAnna Phillips...» DeAnna just stared at her. An empty, designated glaring. «Nothing wrong?» she said, sounding hollow and shocked, «Ms. Fletcher said they were good people?» Johannah nodded. «Maybe she lied!» DeAnna suddenly exclaimed, «Maybe she knew what was going on?» «No.» Johannah shook her head, «unlike her I know when people are lying to me.» Neither of them said anything for a long time. Johannah found it weird, she had thought DeAnna would be happy to hear her parents wasn't involved in anything bad. «I have to go,» she finally muttered and got up without waiting for an answer. Not many people were left in the diner. The last life guard got off duty an hour ago, and people went home to eat instead of visiting the diner before returning to the beach. Tina was outside cleaning the tables while VJ was finishing up inside. «I swear to God the old cappuccino machine's soul has moved on to the new one,» a voice behind him suddenly said. VJ turned around and saw Tina trying to balance six full cups of coffee while walking between the chaos of chairs and tables. VJ smiled. «What do you mean?» he said and turned the little cappuccino-devil behind them off. «It's crazy!» Tina announced, «Six customers left their cups without drinking anything, because apparently the machine also gives you tiny plastic bits in your coffee...» VJ couldn't help laughing, it was something about the way Tina said it. «I'll get Stephen to take a look on it,» he said, and helped her out with the cups. Tina put down the last three cups, and lifted her arms, gathering her long, dark brown hair into a ponytail. «Are you working this weekend?» she asked. VJ shook his head. «No, why? Are you working?» Tina shook her head too. «I'm going windsurfing,» she said, «You wanna come with me?» VJ was surprised. He and Tina never hung out outside the diner, and he had no idea she liked windsurfing. «Or are you afraid I'll be better than you?» she said, with a perky smile, «Because I will.» «I'm not afraid,» VJ replied. «Then come with me.» VJ smiled at her, accepting the challenge. «Okay,» he said, «I will go with you.» Late for dinner again! Johannah was so sure Sally would tell her to watch the time when she was out, especially now that she had to call her to get her home to dinner. Johannah hadn't expected dinner for at least another hour, so she was even more surprised when she opened the door and there was no smell of food at all. «I'm home!» she called out nervously, «Is dinner ready?» Sally came out from the living room. «Not for another hour,» she said, «I just called you home because I think we should have a girls night, talking, eating popcorn and maybe renting a movie?» «Sure...» Johannah said, she couldn't have been more surprised if Sally had said she wanted to direct a re-production of Skippy the bush kangaroo. «I just called DeAnna and invited her over,» Sally continued as the doorbell rang, «That must be her.» Johannah's jaw almost dropped, there was something going on here! «I was thinking we could start with some talking,» Sally said as DeAnna entered. DeAnna didn't even look shocked to see Johannah, she just had the same designated expression as earlier. «Why?» Johannah squeaked, she couldn't take this. «Because I want to know what's going on,» Sally said firmly, looking at the two girls, «Game over.» Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SfanS Posted February 18, 2007 Report Share Posted February 18, 2007 here's your chapterly review! «What project?» Sheila started at her, she obviously had no idea what Sally was talking about. The truth comes out! I knew you wouldn't let her get away with it! And it was planned well, too! «So, what have you got for me?» DeAnna smiled, looking like a hungry wolf that had just smelled fresh meat. Great description! DeAnna just stared at her. An empty, designated glaring. «Nothing wrong?» she said, sounding hollow and shocked, «Ms. Fletcher said they were good people?» Okay, now I'm REALLY confused! «It's crazy!» Tina announced, «Six customers left their cups without drinking anything, because apparently the machine also gives you tiny plastic bits in your coffee...» LOL! Great line! «I'm going windsurfing,» she said, «You wanna come with me?» Oh...dear....why don't I like the sound of that? «Okay,» he said, «I will go with her.» That's where I got confused. Maybe just me, but I will go with HER ? Who's he talking to? Sorry if I;m just being strange. «Sure...» Johannah said, she couldn't have been more surprised if Sally had said she wanted to direct a re-production of Skippy the bush kangaroo LOL!! .«Because I want to know what's going on,» Sally said firmly, looking at the two girls, «Game over.» Da-dum! Love that ending! Intriguing...*asks hungrily for more* Great chapter, Eli! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted February 18, 2007 Report Share Posted February 18, 2007 Thanks That "her" part should of course be "she", sometimes things go a little fast A little too fast actually Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted February 18, 2007 Report Share Posted February 18, 2007 Oops, I missed seeing this yesterday! ...she couldn't wait to get it all out of her life, knowing that as soon as DeAnna had her information she wouldn't have to worry about her revealing the secret Love all the mystery! “Johannah mentioned a project about local heroes, she asked me to help her.” Sheila just kept staring. She still had no idea what Sally was talking about. Knew she was going to get found out eventually... to figure out why six different classes was booked It’s probably because English is your second language, but watch your grammar when you proof. That should be why six different classes WERE booked. There are some computer programs that check spelling/grammar for you. “I swear to God the old cappuccino machine's soul has moved on to the new one” Eli, that line was absolutely brilliniant! “Sure...” Johannah said, she couldn't have been more surprised if Sally had said she wanted to direct a re-production of Skippy the bush kangaroo. !!! “Because I want to know what's going on,” Sally said firmly, looking at the two girls, “Game over.” Great ending, especially Sally’s “game over” expression. Really fitting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted February 18, 2007 Report Share Posted February 18, 2007 Thanks! Gah, this chapter seems to be full of silly mistakes. I am very aware of the was/were thing, I have no idea how I could overlook something as basic as that, as that mistake usually annoys me soooo much! *correcting it now* My spelling and grammar check doesn't work properly for some reason, so I have to rely on my own ability to proof my own chapters, and sometimes... well as I said to Sarah, things go a little fast Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 Chapter 8 – Helpful drinks ”Sit down,” Sally commanded, ”I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. From both of you.” The fact that Sally for a second sounded like an episode of ”Judging Amy” couldn’t take the focus away from the horrible and twisted truth that was about to be revealed. DeAnna and Jo looked at each other. If possible, Johannah was even more nervous than DeAnna. Because Sally knew her better she would probably get to tell most of the story, and she wasn’t really sure what to do. The smartest thing to do, judging from Sally’s expression, was to tell the truth, but that would also mean risking DeAnna telling her secret. And nothing could be worse than that. If her secret came out... It would be hell on earth, and she could even end up in jail. ”Johannah, maybe you would start by telling me why you lied about having to do a paper on Kirsty Phillips?” Jo had been right, she was the lucky one to cut the line that officially opened this nightmare. She swallowed, and looked helpless at DeAnna. The help she got came as a surprise. ”Tell her the truth,” DeAnna said, ”There’s no point in hiding it.” ”What is going on?” Sally looked completely lost, but still angry, ”What have you been hiding from me?” DeAnna took a deep breath. ”I made a mistake, Miss Fletcher,” she said, ”A big one.” It had been another long day at medical school, and with the huge test coming up next week Pippa also had some hours of reading to look forward to as soon as she got home. Most days she went straight to the library in Yabbie Creek after school to study, and it was always late when she came back to the Bay. As a matter of fact, Pippa couldn’t remember the last time she got back home before the last lifeguards got off duty and the diner closed. Tonight was no different, and her mood didn’t exactly get better when she saw DeAnna Phillips go in to her house as she walked up to the driveway. That was is. Studies and cold dinner was one thing, DeAnna was worse. Wondering if any of her follow students would flunk out because of the failed test with her, Pippa Sauders turned around and headed to the last place on earth people went to study; Noah’s bar. Sally just stared at them, speechless. She really had no idea how to respond to all this. ”I guess the bottom line is,” DeAnna broke the silence, ”That I wanted to know who my parents really were.” ”But why couldn’t you just ask us?” Sally exclaimed, this wasn’t making much sense at all. ”Because I wanted to know how they really were,” DeAnna replied, and for the first time Sally thought she could see sadness and regret it DeAnna’s eyes, ”No one here would tell someone that their dead parents were bad people.” ”I still think you should have helped clearing their names,” Sally continued, shaking her head, ”You have caused nothing but problems with all your lies and sneaking around!” DeAnna swallowed, but didn’t take her eyes off Sally. She looked sad now, like she wanted to take back everything. ”I’m sorry,” she whispered as her vision became more and more blurred by the tears, because it was the only right thing to say. Noah’s bar wasn’t exactly like a noisy football pub during the world cup, but it was noisy enough to make it impossible for Pippa to focus on studying. Wondering if DeAnna had left yet she closed her book, and ordered a drink. Tina from the diner came in and sat down next to her. They weren’t exactly friends, but they knew each other and had spoken to each other several times. Tina was the kind of girl you just had to like. ”Oh, hi Pippa, I didn’t see it was you!” she said, and ordered a beer. ”Hi Tina,” Pippa replied, ”I’m almost never here anymore, I’m too busy studying.” ”Looks like you still are,” Tina said and nodded towards the book in front of Pippa. ”Oh, yeah,” Pippa muttered, ”I’m avoiding DeAnna Phillips, and she’s at my house so I had to study here.” Tina laughed, DeAnna was one of the things she and Pippa had discussed. ”So how are you?” Pippa asked as Tina got her beer. ”I’m fine thanks,” Tina replied and took a sip of the beer, ”I’m going windsurfing with VJ this weekend.” ”Oh, really?” Pippa replied, ”With VJ?” ”Yeah,” Tina took another sip, making Pippa think how white-trash it was to drink beer for a girl, ”I asked him to come with me.” Pippa tried to smile, but realised it was impossible when you really wanted to strangle the person you were smiling at, so she ended up taking a very long sip of her drink instead. Tina was the kind of girl you just had to hate. It was already dark, and no one in Summer Bay spent much time outside when it was dark. Actually DeAnna hadn’t seen anyone when she walked sobbing back to her motel-room after the confrontation was over. She hadn’t grieved when her parents were shot, but for some weird reason it felt like it was happening now. She only spent enough time in her room to get the two bottles of wine she had there before she headed back outside. Many people had found comfort in the ocean, and many people had drowned their sorrows in alcohol. Tonight she was doing both. Because of all the scary things in the world there was only one thing DeAnna Phillips couldn’t handle; feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted March 4, 2007 Report Share Posted March 4, 2007 ”But why couldn’t you just ask us?” Sally exclaimed. This wasn’t making much sense at all. ”Because I wanted to know how they really were,” DeAnna replied, and for the first time Sally thought she could see sadness and regret it DeAnna’s eyes, ”No one here would tell someone that their dead parents were bad people.” I like that. I could imagine it being said in an actual script. Many people had found comfort in the ocean, and many people had drowned their sorrows in alcohol. Tonight she was doing both. Really great lines. Because of all the scary things in the world there was only one thing DeAnna Phillips couldn’t handle: feelings. And a great close to the chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted April 2, 2007 Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 Chapter 9 – A hangover you deserve Waking up next to someone, not being able to remember what happened the night before is never a pleasant experience. It gets a bit easier when you know who that someone is, but it still isn’t very fun. All VJ could remember from the night before was following Tina home from the windsurfing. It had been fun, the windsurfing. But this wasn’t. Because no matter how much fun he had had with the woman now asleep next to him, all VJ could think about was Pippa. As silently as possible he got out of bed and started gathering his belongings while thinking that thank God she wasn’t a stranger, because even though he knew her, this felt like the worst morning ever. Just the day before the windsurfing he had managed to have a meaningful conversation with Pippa, and they had even hugged each other goodbye. It was definitely progress, and by the time she had left he had made up his mind to ask her out soon. Now it was all ruined. --- The day before yesterday had been the first day in ages Pippa Saunders had been in a good mood. But today everything was changed. Only hours after speaking to VJ, being able to have a friendly conversation and sensing light at the end of the tunnel she had seen him with Tina. A part of her had hoped he would cancel the windsurfing with Tina now that things were better between the two of them. But then again she couldn’t really expect him to do that, she kept telling herself that. By dusk yesterday she had almost convinced herself VJ and Tina were just friends, but still she couldn’t find it in herself to go to the diner this morning. She was too afraid of what she maybe would have to face in the place both Tina and VJ worked. --- She would have been here by now if everything was normal. But nothing was normal today. VJ kept peeking around every corner in the diner, and found himself constantly watching the door, hoping she wouldn’t turn up at all today. The memories from last night had started to come back. He remembered following her to the bedroom, and then she had told him she had a surprise. He should have known better than accepting a challenge from her. A drinking contest with a pretty girl in her bedroom was never a good idea. But still he had accepted the challenge, and showed her his skills with vodka shots. It wasn’t like he couldn’t control himself! The only problem was; she was good at games involving vodka shots too, and not even when they ran out of alcohol she was ready to quit the game. She had a better idea; they could play strip poker instead! Almost to drunk to remember the rules of strip poker (or any poker at all for that matter) he had joined, and all he knew from then was that they had ended up in bed together. The hangover was bad, but not as bad as it would be if she showed up. VJ allowed himself 15 minutes extra for lunch today. A bad hangover combined with a noisy diner didn’t make him the most friendly waiter, and Stephen looked kind of relieved when he left. ”Hi,” Pippa said nervously, walking up to the man leaning towards the fence. He almost jumped by the sound of her voice. ”Hi,” he replied, trying to ignore the headache, ”How are you?” ”Fine thanks,” she said, ”How was windsurfing with Tina yesterday?” He should have seen it coming. Of course she had to bring that up. ”It was fun,” he said honestly, and stood up straight. He shouldn’t have done that. The sun! Oh, the sun, the bright light almost blinding him, sending jolts of pain from his head down his neck. Dizzy from the shock, Pippa had to grab him. ”Wow, are you okay?” she asked, ”You looked like you were falling for a second there!” ”No, no, I’m fine,” he muttered, rubbing his head. Suddenly she let go of him, and the expression was changed. ”Oh really?” she said, coldly, ”Cause you look like you have a bad headache!” ”Umm, yeah,” he muttered back, still struggling to focus on what was happening. ”So tell me, VJ,” Pippa said bitterly, ”What’s that headache from? Is it from... let’s see... A little too much to drink last night?” That brought all the dizzyness away immediately. ”Fun with Tina last night, huh?” Pippa continued, sounding angrier every second. ”Yeah, the windsurfing was fun!” VJ said, ”That’s all!” ”Just the windsurfing?” she said, ”or was it more VJ?” ”There was nothing more,” VJ replied, looking her in the eyes. She didn’t reply immediately. ”Are you sure,” she asked after a few seconds, ”because I really want to trust you again VJ!” VJ bit his lip. ”Trust me,” he said, and took a deep breath, ”Nothing happened between me and Tina, I promise...” AUTHOR'S NOTE: The title of this chapter is inspired by the title of a Bowling for soup-album; "A hangover you don't deserve" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 I haven't updated in a long time, sorry about that guys (if there's anyone left of you at all...). Please forgive me! Chapter 10 - What to do It was wrong. Deep inside Pippa knew she should trust VJ when he said nothing happened between him and Tina. But still... It would be interesting to hear Tina's side of the story. Lucky for Pippa Tina took her break exactly when she used to, and it wasn't hard to find her down at the beach with a soda. "Hey," she said, still not really sure whether this was the right thing to do or not. "Hi," Tina looked up, surprised to see her, "How have you been?" Pippa shrugged. "Okay I guess," she said, "Just busy with school and stuff." "Oh right, you're gonna be a doctor, right?" "Yeah." There was an awkward silence, and Pippa decided to jump into it. "So how was windsurfing with VJ?" she asked, trying to sound like a bloke talking to another bloke about a hot chick. "Aah, I see," Tina said, smiling and suddenly turning all giggly, "So that's what this is about?" Pippa blushed, she had no idea what to say. "It's okay," Tina said, "I'm not gonna make a move on him or anything, he's all yours." Pippa blushed again. "I wasn't thinking that," she lied, "I just wondered if you had a good time?" Tina laughed. "Yes we had," she said, finishing off the soda, "We had fun, and then VJ went home to his place while I went to visit my aunt." Tina couldn't possibly be lying, not the way she was looking right at her without hesitating. "I have to get back to work," she said and got up, "Talk to you later, Pip." --- DeAnna Phillips had always moved on easy. No matter what happened she would grieve, then move on. Although, she never truly moved on. She just wouldn't let herself waste time on tears and whining, every sad thing that happened was another reminder that life was precious. Now all the bottles of alcohol were empty, and unless another crisis came along, DeAnna had no plans to buy new ones. It was time to move on again. The only question now was whether she should move on somewhere else, or stay in Summer Bay. The old Deanna would have moved on somewhere else, started over again where no one knew her. That way she could get what she wanted there by playing games, it was only when she met people like Sally Fletcher, who saw right through her that could go wrong in places she was a stranger. But Summer Bay was different. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, the fact that she now knew the story about her parents, and how they had loved the Bay, it changed everything, and made it so much harder to leave. Kirsty and Kane Phillips had gone through thick and thin together here, and even though things seemed tough sometimes, there had always been love to find in the Bay. They ran away from the place they loved because they feared the future, they didn't bail on the Bay. And deep inside, DeAnna Phillips didn't want to bail on the Bay either. --- "You're working way too hard," Richard said, looking at his wife standing on a chair, dusting the top of the refrigerator, "You need to slow down a little." Sally stepped down from the chair. "I'm okay, it's just dusting," she said, but she put she put the chair back and sat down at the table. "It's not just that," Richard said and started massaging her shoulders, "You have been worrying about something for the last couple of days, I can tell, and that's why you're making the house shine like The House of Parliament." "I was going for Buckingham Palace, but okay," Sally joked, "I'm not worried, just thinking." "What are you thinking about?" Richard said, still massaging her shoulders, "Anything I should know?" Sally sighed. "Well," she said, "It was just a silly idea, really. I'm probably just feeling guilty for giving DeAnna such a hard time." She paused and sighed again. "Remember when we decided to start fostering again?" she asked. "Yes," her husband replied gently, "And that's how we got Johannah, remember?" "Yes," Sally said, and almost sighed again, "But remember when we had Ric, Cassie AND Lauren living home at the same time?" Richard hesitated, he could see where this was going. "You want more foster kids?" he asked. "No, not exactly..." "I'm not sure I'm following - " Richard began. Then it dawned. "You wanna offer DeAnna Phillips a room?" he asked sharply, "You want her to move in with us?" Sally swallowed. "I don't know," she said, "It was just a thought." --- "How is my very strong and handsome lifeguard-boyfriend?" VJ hadn't seen Pippa this giggly in weeks. Even when they got back together she hadn't been in such a good mood as she seemed to be now. "He's fine," VJ replied, trying to smile back, "How is my lovely Doctor?" Pippa giggled. "She's not a doctor, yet," she said, and then suddenly she got a naughty look on her face, "But we could play doctor if you'd like?" He just laughed back, couldn't say yes without feeling guilty. "Well, think about it," Pippa said, "I'm gonna go take a shower, but after that I'm all yours." Again he didn't answer, instead he smiled and kissed her, wishing it didn't have to hurt this much to hear her say those words. But the truth was; no matter how much he wished he could go on like nothing had ever happened that night, the guilt from keeping this secret from Pippa was unbearable; eating him up inside every day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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