TelephotoMarigold Posted December 25, 2011 Report Share Posted December 25, 2011 I'm completley alone and always will be and the depression i have at this time of year I thought I had escaped from. I hate that Christmas is the time of fmaily becuase I'll never have that. I'll never hold a baby or watch first steps and hear first words. I'll never watch them come excitedly into the room and open presents. Or have the family dinner. and if I'm ill there is no one there to offer me support or take care of me. and it's all so painful. I was actually looking forward to Xmas this year until now... and all I have is savage reminder of all that is gone I can't even begin to imagine spending Christmas alone, and for anyone that does, it must be lonely and I guess it doesn't feel like Christmas either? Do you have any neighbours who spend Christmas day alone and would also perhaps like some company too? I know it's not the same as you hope for, like spending it with family, etc, but perhaps if you spend it with a neighbour so as you're not alone on Christmas day? Even if you had a few people over for Christmas dinner, etc? That way, you could have some company for a few hours? It's true that the majority of people who say it's the best time of the year have got family around them. As for always being alone, I doubt that very much. It will happen one day. Good things come to those who wait. Maybe that means Conrad coming to the UK? Hmm. Whatever you decide to do on Christmas day, enjoy it as much as you can, and have a Merry Christmas. Because on the plus side, you get to watch whatever you want on tv, with nobody complaining ... And maybe next year's Christmas will be better for you, and different? As long as the world doesn't actually end in 2012 that is ... It isn't about being with people. It's about not having kids. It's about 8 miscarriages. I could be in a roomful of people and still be alone because no matter what they say or do they can't alter that single fact that I will never have kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetti Posted December 25, 2011 Report Share Posted December 25, 2011 I know I have issues and that I have to deal with it but why do people use the one thing you want & throw it back at you? I have spent so long moving on and now it just hurts more & I officially have given up. I don't care anymore. I am done. How am I supposed to move on if everyone throws it back in my face? There is only so much I can take of the pain before it gets to be too much. I was actually looking forward to Christmas and its been ruined I hope everyone else enjoys it because I know I wont. I'm not worth the time anyone spends on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelephotoMarigold Posted December 26, 2011 Report Share Posted December 26, 2011 My brother just shared his happy news,,, I'm about to be an Auntie again... Hate hate hate.... Christmas, myself, the world... everybody... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucii Posted December 29, 2011 Report Share Posted December 29, 2011 I know this is pretty pathetic but I can't trust guys at all I'm just terrified that something's going to happen to me and I can't seem to let it go. I change my mind a lot about whether or not I want to be with someone which is ridiculous and it ends up they lose interest and I end up back at square one. My ex he's my best friend and he still is although it hurt me when he moved on. But we've been talking recently and he said that I can trust him I know I can and I know he'll never hurt me but I still can't commit to a relationship with him because if he doesn't hurt me then I'll hurt him and I couldn't live with myself. He split up with his girlfriend for me and I rejected him so now he's alone too and I feel terrible about it and I don't know why he's still speaking to me after all I've put him through. Then there's a male friend from college. We got talking a few weeks ago before beginning a physical relationship only. No getting attached, no emotions no calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend and at first I was fine with it because we get on great and I know I can trust him but I just feel really guilty because all I can think about is my ex and what I've put him through. It's just really confusing and I don't know what I should do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danni02 Posted December 30, 2011 Report Share Posted December 30, 2011 So I'm not usually one to share my feelings on a forum, but right now I just feel so alone. My Papa died on Wednesday and it was a pretty big shock. I knew he'd been in and out of hospital for the last 4 months or so since he had heart surgery, but I really didnt expect the end result to be his death. He's always had problems with his heart since I can ever remember and they always seemed to be able to fix things. I guess it just all became too much for him to take. But the thing is, I'm living in Canada at the moment so I'm not with any of my family. I can't offer my Gran a shoulder to cry on, or offer support to my Dad. And then there is me. I've not seen my Papa for 7 months now and I'm never going to get to see him again. I can't get home for the funeral which devestates me. I know on that day I will be thinking about him, and that when I do go home I can visit his grave but I feel so bad that I can't get home to be at his funeral. I feel as though people will think I didn't care about him, which wasn't true at all. He was my Papa and I loved him with all my heart. I do have friends here that I can talk too, but I've only known them a short amount of time and it's not like family. I want to write something so they can read it out at the funeral, but I just keep staring at the blank page. Why can't I think of anything to say? We have so many lovely memories together, yet when I try to write I get nothing. I just feel so alone and sad at right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pembie Posted December 30, 2011 Report Share Posted December 30, 2011 Hey Danni When you try and write something for your Papa's funeral don't think too hard about it Just let your thoughts and feelings come out naturally. Think of all the things you want to say to your Papa like how much you love him and why he is so special too you Just let your greif take over I guess. Put it. down as if he is there with you listening. Hope this helps sorry to hear about your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetti Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 I wish I knew what to do, I am such a fool. I willingly believed that it wouldnt happen again but it did and I let it go, and the past few days have been so freaking hard and yet it happened again. I am so torn up and broken, where am I supposed to go from here? I cant stop crying, I am so close to the edge that I am not sure I want to pull myself away, it would be so easy just to cut and not have to think about the pain, but then that means the self control I had goes and I am not sure I can get it back if I let it go. What do I do? I honestly cant do this anymore. Everything hurts. I just want the pain to go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelephotoMarigold Posted January 13, 2012 Report Share Posted January 13, 2012 No, no... I'm fine... I'll just deal with all your crap even when I've got my own stuff to deal with... Don't even bother to ask how I am... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetti Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 I think it's all finally hit me. Just how hard tomorrow is going to be. I wish I could just hibernate but it feels like that will never happen. I have to do it but I dont want to. I do not want to walk into that situation. I just wish it was done and over and to be honest I really can't see it happening. I am grateful that I have my family and friends supporting me but at the end of the day they can't help because I have to do it. I have to face it and in a way relive it. To got through the motions and hope that I don't fall apart at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelephotoMarigold Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Got no one to call... no one to care.. Just about at the end of my .. tether.. can't take anymore... I think this is goodbye.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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