Support Group

[emmasi]

My doctor still thinks I'm an alcoholic As of this moment, I have decided to stop drinking for at least three months to prove the point. I don't WANT to stop drinking, but I CAN. Once she understands that I'm not an alcoholic, maybe she'll accept that I have a right to get drunk with my friends every other month if I feel like it

[Lise]

The sheer fact that you are willing to give up alcohol would prove to me that you aren't an alcoholic. Alcoholic's drink whenever they can get their hands on the stuff.

I'm very sad to hear that you aren't feeling any better. I don't know what else to say to you, Jem.

[emmasi]

Thanks Lise. It just makes me so angry that she's supposed to be helping me, and all she can do is assume the worst about me. Just because I tell the truth, and admit when I've had a bad night and gotten drunk for the wrong reasons - that being that I was so stressed and emotional that I just wanted to wipe myself out for a few hours so I didn't have to deal with it anymore. But she knows what I'm going through, she knows that I'm anxious all the time - I'm actually shaking from it right now, and that's from driving over two hours ago - and she knows that, at the moment, the medication I'm on isn't doing it's job. And she says "Well, I don't think it's a case of the medication not working." So I said, "Then what is it?" And she said "We just have to increase it." Well. DUH. And WHY would you increase it? BECAUSE IT'S NOT WORKING!!!! F***ing double-talk to make me sounds like a lying psycho addict. And on that note, I finally caved in and agreed to see a counselor. I've been to at least four counselors who have done nothing for me, and I am sick of saying "I don't remember anything in particular that would make me feel the way I do," and having them then assume that I'm lying. Grrr. Again, I don't WANT to see a counselor, but I CAN - in my personal experience, counselors have been a complete waste of time because I have no great mystery about my life that I need to "uncover." I am just incredibly sensitive to everything and that makes me anxious and depressed - wow! Looking forward to spending half an hour waiting, an hour rambling, and $50+ of my money on that every other week Because time and money really are the two things I have HEAPS of...

God, this better make my doctor happy, because it sure as hell won't help me. I'll be irritatingly sober, short of time and money (moreso than I already am), and still, there'll be some way that she'll make my supposedly medical condition MY fault. First she tells me it's chemical and drugs will help it - which they completely have, until the last three weeks - then she turns around and acts like I'm an emotional wreck because of some deep-seeded denial that I obviously need to work through with her little counselor buddies. PICK A DIAGNOSIS, LADY!! Is it chemical - a PHYSICAL deficiency that I happen to have, and which isn't my fault and that can't be helped, other than to be treated medically, like any other physical illness, OR is it something that's all in my head, and it has been put in my head by the circumstances of my life, the effects of which will go away once I talk through it all and get it off my chest? Call me CRAZY, but I seem to talk an AWFUL lot about my various problems, and it hasn't bloody helped a bit yet. The only thing that has helped is the Effexor, which I still have faith in. I just need to feel like my own doctor, who prescribes this miracle cure, believes in it too. Otherwise, what is she doing? Giving me some placebo to tide me over until she can break down my resistance and get me back into counseling? Well, congratulations, you got me. I look forward to hearing how it's still my fault when nothing comes of it.

The other thing is, I'm about to lose all my friends. There's the two I've already alienated with my anxiety and depression - one who doesn't believe in it at all, and one who... I don't know... seems almost jealous of me stealing her limelight (she was the first to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and she's the only one of us who doesn't drink - she's quite judgmental about it). Then there's the one who IS an alcoholic, and who also does drugs. She does not pressure me or judge me and she's nobody's role-model. She's just the only person who is willing to listen to what I have to say, face to face, and relate to me as a friend. I don't want to lose her, but I feel like, if I want to make my doctor happy and prove this clean and sober lifestyle of mine, that I'll have to turn my back on her at some point. I don't want to and... I don't think I can. It's scary to think that she might assume I've become like our other friend though, the one who doesn't drink, and that I'm trying to "lead by example," as if I'm judging and condemning her lifestyle of intoxication and excess. I won't lie, it does worry me sometimes, but it's her life, not mine. I love her the way she is. I just have to stop being so paranoid and trust that she'll love me the way I am too, no matter how crazy or straight I get.

Yeah... like a counselor's going to get anything more useful than this out of me . I tell ya, the internet is cheaper, and you guys leave me feeling a hell of a lot better and more supported than any counselor has.

[~Lynd~]

My best friend has been going out with her boyfriend for 4 months and last week he was admitted to a Psych ward.She told me last night that when one of the other patients said something about her when she was visiting,staff had to stop him from decking the person.Yes,in a Psych ward,how smart!

Anyway,she also told me that doctors have told her not to get a job for now because they won't let him out unless there's someone to watch him.They also said don't take a step back as family and friends have suggested because he'd take it as rejection.When he gets out he'll go on a disability pension and her on a carers and they'll live in a DOH house.

People thought maybe she should take a step back as they've been together such a short time and are practically married which may have caused this.She doesn't have a job and now neither does he and he took on the responbility for both of them which is quite stressful.But as i said,doctors advised against it.

I'm really worried about her.She's only 20 and shouldn't have to take care of him to make sure he doesn't top himself and she she shouldn't feel pressured to stay with him for the same reason.I've told her as much but she just gets defensive and says she won't and she's not.

She says she loves him but this is her first serious relationship and i'm scared she's looking at it through rose coloured glasses.People with mental illness's often have a ongoing battle with depression.their meds,and are in a Psych ward more then once,etc.She should get out and experience more before she decides she wants her life to be like that.

I'm in no way saying they don't deserve to be happy,they do but i feel like she has no idea what she's gotten herself into and she's only young.We don't know what he might say or do,he's already displayed violent tendencies when things don't go his way,etc,someone says something he doesn't like.

I guess the point of me posting this is how do i support her in something i don't support myself?I feel like i need to try,she's always been there for me when i need her but i have no idea how.If she goes through with this relationship there's going to be some really tough times ahead.She was crying and telling me she missed me the other night but it's her fault we haven't seen each other in 2 months.They want to get married when he gets out and she wants me to be matron of honour...In a wedding i don't support...fun!

I'm not sure if i'm making any sence and i sencerely apologize if i've offended anyone.

I also apologize for the length of this post!

I don't post here a lot but i don't know what to do...i quoted my first post so i didn't have to re explain the situation...He's out and has no job.they're still together and i barely ever see her even though she's down this way a lot to see him.

We went out last night and she said she had to go wait out front for him later so he can give her some moneu because she didn't have much on her but she'll come back because she was going to stay at my place.Well about half an hour after she left i called him to see what was going on and she was with him at a friends place!!!!!I was furious that she would leave me there and not even call so i said thanks for nothing you could have called i've been waiting for you.She hang up on me so i called back really peeved and was going to tell her our friendship is over because i won't be treated like crap and i'm sick of everything being about him,she doesn't have her own life.She didn't answer though so i didn't.

I was in tears,people kept asking if i was ok and it took me 2 hours to get home.

Chances are she'll eventually call and act like nothing's happened but i can't do this anymore.She's changed since she met him,we've known each other for 10 years and she'd never have done this before.I have no idea what to do or say,i thought she was the one person in the world who actually cared and wouldn't use and abuse me.

Olk so i'm back with the same problem...kinda.She broke up with him on sunday and has an avo out on him.

She's staying with me,her parents don't know the reason for the break up because she's embarrassed.My problem is she's raking my phone bill up and sleepinng a lot.Some other friends want me to go to their house on chrissy night and she wants to stay home and sleep.She's also told me she doesn't really want to come with us on sunday night either.She was on the phone for like 3 hrs today to.I don't feel comfortable leaving her home alone but i can't put my life on hold for her either,i told her i don't think she should sleep all day but i don't think she'll listen.

I don't want to sleep on my loungeroom floor all continously and raking my phone bill up.I know she's going through a lot and i feel bad for whinging,but how do i support her without losing my mind?

It's taken me ages to post this because she keeps coming into my room.I told her i was posting about some guy so i feel like i should at least mention that i really like a guy but can't tell him.There you go i didn't lie!

I don't really want advice,just a vent...She got back with him a few weeks after it happened and things have gone back to him being treated like a king and me like crap.Nice hey!He doesn't have any remorse,his responce was ''I apologised for that''.Yeah well go tell someone who cares dude.

I'm sick of being treated like this but i'm scared something will happen to her if i tell her i want nothing more to do with her.The stupid girl's gonna move back in with him.Even if i did wanna break the friendship i don't know how because she doesn't understand the meaning of no.

The stupid tool had the nerve to say if i was a real friend i wouldn't break the friendship up over him.Well if he was such a wonderful boyfriend he wouldn't have tried to kill her.Hypocrite.And she knows the reasons i can't tolerate him are to do with my childhood.We don't even talk about him and if she tries to i let her talk for a few minutes before telling her i don't care and she says ok and we change the subject.

[emmasi]

Five days sober. It feels longer lol. I went to a club last night. Drank lemon-squash and free water. It's harder than I thought it would be, not because I want to drink but because other people want me to drink. My friend said "It's a holiday." ... Good Friday. I don't think I'd drink on Good Friday anyway, since I claim to be a Christian. She didn't push it though, just that first mention. My mum was the worst! When I told her that I'm not going to drink for the next three months, she said "Yes you will." Not judgmentally, but as if she was determined to see it happen, because not drinking is "ridiculous." Hm. Last night she gave me money to get a drink at the club, and when I came back with a lemon-squash, she said that she thought I'd get something alcoholic, like she was disappointed that I didn't.

This is making me realise something. I am surrounded by people who drink. That's not a new realisation, but I am worried that by me choosing not to drink, it will alienate them from me even further. That's not going to stop me in my plans, but what my doctor doesn't realise is that the reason I started drinking in the first place was so that I felt comfortable interacting with people, and so that I could let go of all my fears and anxieties by wiping them out and numbing myself to reality. Without that, I am what I am - an anti-social, anxiety-ridden hermit who would rather be cowering under the covers in bed than out on the town drinking soft drink while my friends and family get drunk and gamble to excessively loud music.

I'm not a social person. Alcohol makes me social. I can't have it both ways. At the moment, I'm choosing to sacrifice what little social life I have to make my doctor happy. But then, she won't be happy, because she says "You don't need alcohol to have fun." Yes, ideally, that is definitely true. When you have depression and anxiety, however, it sure as hell helps.

I'm just worrying out-loud. There's no change in the plan. I suppose I'm just posting to keep a record of the steady decline of my life, such as it is.

On the plus side, I am saving money on alcohol. On the downside, I'm spending even more money on antidepressants, now that I'm on a double-dose, than I ever would on drinking. There's incentive for you

[Lise]

Don't get me started on cousellors. My Dad (my, oh so, perfect father) sent to me to one when I decided that to leave school. I remember him saying that it was my way of rebelling since I never did it as a teenager, beforehand. The silly b*tch that was my counsellor did nothing for me. I just hated school and couldn't bring my self to go back.

Alcohol is a bad thing to turn to when you're running from yourself because once you've done your running, the alcohol tends to stick around (well, in some cases, anyway). It must be harder to give up when everyone around you expects you drink it.

I don't really have any advice this time, Jem. Just thought I'd say that

[emmasi]

It's just an odd situation. I'm not physically addicted to the stuff, so it's not bothering me that way, but when my problem is that I can't deal with other people's expectations of me, and one of those expectations is that it's normal and even necessary to drink... yeah, it's a bit harder than I expected.

I'm thinking of using this as a springboard to quit some other things, or at least cut down. I've had people at me for ages to cut down on meat, caffeine, dairy, sugar, wheat, and just about anything else that isn't directly derived from recycled cardboard . No intention of doing this forever, but it's something to do. I'm also going to go back to a single dose of anti-depressants. They're not helping either way, and one dose is much cheaper than a double. It's all well and good for my doctor to keep writing up endless prescriptions, but she doesn't have to pay for them. Same with recommending me to counselors. She reckons that Medicare will refund that, but I have to find the money to pay upfront in the first place. I really don't see how going to useless counselors, wasting time, money, and energy - which are the things I have the least of to start with - is going to help me at all.

I'm actually thinking of dropping the anti-depressants altogether. If they don't work, then there's not much point in throwing my money down a sinkhole.

[thelonius]

Emmasi why don't you try Lemon, Lime and Bitters? Its counted as an alcoholic drink to some people so that may get your friends off your back but the content is also so weak that you could just as easily claim it as non-alcoholic. That's what I drank when I tried (unsuccessfully) to stop drinking for a whole month.

I'm sorry that things are really tough for you and I hope you feel better. I don't think I can really offer anything that you haven't heard already and probably don't want to hear. Just in regards to your friend who drinks and does drugs. Just tell her the truth about why you aren't drinking. Explain it to her in a way that she'll understand because it sounds like she's been judged just like you. And if you tell her, I'm doing it to get them off my back, it doesn't come across as you taking this moral high-ground and becoming someone who will ultimately ditch her.

[emmasi]

I used to drink Lemon, Lime and Bitters as a kid . That might explain a lot lol. Ah, I don't go out enough to worry about that. It's mostly that I'll be at home or at a friend's place and someone will offer me what they're drinking, like beer or Jack Daniels or worse, one of my favourites like Kaluah or Malibu It's going to be annoying, but I'll soldier on. I have a point to prove!

[-Kevin-]

I am so depressed . Today's my mum's 3rd anniversary.

Its hard to believe just how fast time goes