Support Group

[MarMar]

I definitely think I understand about not posting and thus not feeling like you are judged. I think that's why I stopped posting here.

[beachbabe]

That doesn't sound silly at all. I told myself I wasn't going to post at message boards for two weeks... I lasted about 4 days, and 2 of those I was nowhere near a computer . I think at one level it's a form of procrastination, you put more importance on being online than you should because if you're not online then you have to face the real world and all the problems that are in it. The computer is somewhere safe, and even if it turns bad (like you have a fight with someone) you think that you can walk away at any moment, so you keep coming back with the idea that you can leave whenever you want. But then as soon as you leave, you want to go back to it because the real world is so much harder to deal with. There are people and responsibilities and conflicts that can't be turned off by the press of a "power off" button. It's scary. Which is why you keep coming back where it's safe, even when it's not really safe for you at all. You get so wrapped up in this idea of a controlled life, where you can leave it all behind at a keystroke, that you start to think, wouldn't it be so much easier if you could leave the real world behind so easily? Which then makes you realise how difficult life actually is, how demanding and draining, and you just dont want to live at all, so you avoid your work, you avoid your family and friends, and you even avoid the things that use to make you happy in the world, like tv shows or hobbies, all to cut you free of your ties, as if having that kind of freedom will make you happy. When in fact, you've just traded in all those things for a single and much smaller cage (the computer).

Of course I don't really know if that's the case for you, but I'm projecting my issues .

When I wasn't posting, I was a lot calmer. I didn't have to worry what people thought of me because I hadn't said anything for them to judge. Then I got scared of the idea that people would start to prefer this place without me and there'd be no place for me when I actually wanted to come back, so I panicked and started posting controversial things that I knew people wouldn't ignore, not for the sake of controversy but because I felt strongly about the issues and wanted to raise them strongly... and of course, I was immediately disagreed with, which made me anxious. I don't mind being disagreed with, but I often feel ignored and misunderstood when it happens, and it's frustrating when I can't get through to people... that happens in real life too. Mostly I just don't talk because I can't think clearly enough or fast enough to say what I mean. So in the end, I just don't say anything. Then people misunderstand that as me being intentionally rude or arrogant... Online I think slightly clearer and have a lot more time to type out what I want to say, so I say too much, too agressively because it's so important to me that people understand what I mean, because I know how easy it is to be misunderstood when all you have to go by is words on a screen. Then I come off as a bitchy know-it-all and people don't like it, which makes me anxious again and therefore more agressive and determined to be understood properly. It's a vicious cycle, and one that's very stressful.

Muse, Mar, thanks for caring. People tell me all the time that they care about me, but until I care about myself it just doesn't get through... but I do very much appreciate you trying and that means a lot . I'm not sure about making long and rambling phone calls to the UK though lol

I think this is exactly how i feel actually its the stress of home work and exams and i find comfort in my computer pretty sad really huh?

[Guest [x]whacko[x]jen[x]]

That doesn't sound silly at all. I told myself I wasn't going to post at message boards for two weeks... I lasted about 4 days, and 2 of those I was nowhere near a computer . I think at one level it's a form of procrastination, you put more importance on being online than you should because if you're not online then you have to face the real world and all the problems that are in it. The computer is somewhere safe, and even if it turns bad (like you have a fight with someone) you think that you can walk away at any moment, so you keep coming back with the idea that you can leave whenever you want. But then as soon as you leave, you want to go back to it because the real world is so much harder to deal with. There are people and responsibilities and conflicts that can't be turned off by the press of a "power off" button. It's scary. Which is why you keep coming back where it's safe, even when it's not really safe for you at all. You get so wrapped up in this idea of a controlled life, where you can leave it all behind at a keystroke, that you start to think, wouldn't it be so much easier if you could leave the real world behind so easily? Which then makes you realise how difficult life actually is, how demanding and draining, and you just dont want to live at all, so you avoid your work, you avoid your family and friends, and you even avoid the things that use to make you happy in the world, like tv shows or hobbies, all to cut you free of your ties, as if having that kind of freedom will make you happy. When in fact, you've just traded in all those things for a single and much smaller cage (the computer).

Of course I don't really know if that's the case for you, but I'm projecting my issues .

When I wasn't posting, I was a lot calmer. I didn't have to worry what people thought of me because I hadn't said anything for them to judge. Then I got scared of the idea that people would start to prefer this place without me and there'd be no place for me when I actually wanted to come back, so I panicked and started posting controversial things that I knew people wouldn't ignore, not for the sake of controversy but because I felt strongly about the issues and wanted to raise them strongly... and of course, I was immediately disagreed with, which made me anxious. I don't mind being disagreed with, but I often feel ignored and misunderstood when it happens, and it's frustrating when I can't get through to people... that happens in real life too. Mostly I just don't talk because I can't think clearly enough or fast enough to say what I mean. So in the end, I just don't say anything. Then people misunderstand that as me being intentionally rude or arrogant... Online I think slightly clearer and have a lot more time to type out what I want to say, so I say too much, too agressively because it's so important to me that people understand what I mean, because I know how easy it is to be misunderstood when all you have to go by is words on a screen. Then I come off as a bitchy know-it-all and people don't like it, which makes me anxious again and therefore more agressive and determined to be understood properly. It's a vicious cycle, and one that's very stressful.

Muse, Mar, thanks for caring. People tell me all the time that they care about me, but until I care about myself it just doesn't get through... but I do very much appreciate you trying and that means a lot . I'm not sure about making long and rambling phone calls to the UK though lol

I think this is exactly how i feel actually its the stress of home work and exams and i find comfort in my computer pretty sad really huh?

Not really. I find the same thing

[emmasi]

Insomnia again. I know why. It's anxiety. My old friend . From the seemingly simple task of remembering to wake up and watch Sunrise tomorrow, to the slightly more harrowing thought of leaving the house alone, walking literally 20 meters down the road to a travel agent, and booking a ticket home... That's stressing me. I've already put it off for two days, making excuses as to why I couldn't book, because I'm so paranoid that I'll do something wrong. Now I have to face it before it's too late... stress.

Even if I thought I could handle it, I'm now worried that I won't get enough sleep to be able to do it competently. And the worry is what's keeping me awake!

I thought maybe if I went and laid down and thought about some fic scenes to write, I'd drift off. It's what I usually do. But then I started thinking about one particular fic, the reactions to it, and how I think some people took it; What some people think of me for writing it... Of course that's cranked up my anxiety levels into a stomach-knotting mess...

I wish I wasn't so dependant on other people's perceptions of me. It cripples me. I can't leave the house because I'm scared I don't belong on the street with other people. I can't comfortably stay inside because I don't think my family or friends really want me there. (Perfect timing - my friend just woke up and saw me here, still typing away at 1.23 in the morning... keeping her awake, no doubt.) And now, I can't even write a stupid fic because I'm scared of what some people - people who don't even READ my fics, normally - will think of me... Crippling...

And a powerful anti-sleeping mechanism too. If I could sleep half as well as I panic I'd be a lot calmer, I think.

[MarMar]

At the start of last year's spring semester, I was very much set on getting some help. I found out that there is a psychologist and even a group-therapy at the uni.

There's an article in the latest edition of the student paper, focusing mostly on EDs, but none the less, there are parts that stands out:

I want to be sure that all students know that they can come Sis Helse (student organization health) if they suffer from stress, peer presure to drink, anxiety or other problems. Therefore I feel that more publicity is needed about the health service as a good alternative for the students, Nesvik (name) explains.

And this one:

Sis Helse has several offers for students who are troubled with any kind of mental health problem, assuming their education institute is associated with SiS (student organization). Anda (name) says that most of the cases at UiS are students with depression and anxiety:

- Many comes to us in a very early stage of, for example, depression and anxiety. We try to help them before their problems develop. Therefore we do a lot of preventable work, he says.

This is what bugs me. I was given some info on the group-therapy, but I felt that I had to pull every little detail out of the psychologist. I didn't end up singing up for it as the document I was finally sent said it was for students who had anxiety about not performing well in school. I told him that this was not my problem, but never heard anything back. I didn't say what my problems are, but given these two paragraphs, where they try to advertise who good they are at offering help, to me it doesn't really seem like they want to give it. I dunno. I know that I'm probably complaining over nothing, but I would have liked for it to be easier to get information and maybe be asked then, since the group-therapy didn't address my problems, if I wanted to come in for a talk.

Once again, this is why I haven't done anything yet. I'm very wary of seeking help, because this is the way I'm afraid I'll be treated.

[claire_louise]

Mar, isn't there someone else at the organisation you could speak to? Do they have more than one psychologist? It seems that the person you spoke to was perhaps very busy and because he couldn't help you directly you ended up falling through the net. I'm sure it wasn't intentional but obviously it doesn't help.

[MarMar]

As far as I know, they've now got two psychologists (one started this month), a nurse and a social worker. As far as I know the only other option I've got is the public health care system and they don't give you an appointment unless you slit your wrist and bleed all over their ER floor. Maybe then someone will see you. There's at least one and a half year waiting list unless you have the money to go to a private practitioner. I don't. My husband will be moving to another country soon for a good half year and I cannot afford food, electricity and seeing him as well as paying £45 per 45 minutes.

What irritates me is how the "advertise" the uni psych-alternatives when they don't take the time to follow up people who have already contacted them.

[Dan F]

I've been asked to post this anonymously on behalf of another member

I've known this woman for 6 years, since I was 12 (let's just name her Amy for this). She's in her late 30's. She's also married and has 3 kids. A year ago I came out to her and told her I was bi - she ok with it. And asked if I had ever liked her that way, I lied and told her no.

Just recently she came out to me and told me she is bi also. Apparently she always has been, but was scared of what everyone would say. All through my teenage years I'd get this short crushes on her that came randomly and lasted for about a month. I hadn't actually had any till a month or so ago. Anyways um a few nights ago we were texting. And she told me she has feelings for me, I automatically told her it was fine, but nothing can happen. Amy persisted and kept asking if I had ever had a crush on her, I eventually told her I did but it doesn't matter because she is married, has kids and the age difference. Although I've always said gender and age doesn't matter, I'm now starting to think it does. She even said she would throw away her marriage if it meant we could have a chance. Let me make this clear I'm not a marriage wrecker and I don't want her to do that.

Thing is, I really do like her and would like the chance to be with her. But I think that all things considered it can never happen.

Help?

[Zetti]

I am going through the same kind of thing, I went out with someone and it turns out he has a gf and everything so I called it quits and he promised me he would dump her but I cant be with him.

Follow your heart otherwise whats the point. Just be careful and dont lie to yourself. Thats worse.

[rachel&kim]

To whoever Dan posted for: Speaking as a child of divorce (my dad had an affair and it all broke down after that) I'd say for her children's sake don't go there. But that's really more her problem than yours. My advice would be don't, seems like too much in the way, but in the end it's your decision.

To everyone else on here looking for support I reccomend: http://dailystrength.org

It's an internet support group and you can join different communities according to what you'd like support with and can talk to lots of people going through the same issues you are. I use it for tackling my eating disorder and find it very helpful. I know a lot of people don't like internet support groups because they act more as a downer than anything else but I find it a good place to go and write about my feelings and talk about things with people going through the same problems.