Support Group

[MarMar]

Hey

It's been a long time since I've been here and an even longer time since I've posted. I'm not the most active member. I'm still new and I'm still a bit of an outsider, but I hope it's ok for me to post in here.

he last few weeks has been really good. I've planned our wedding (everything) and only spent two weeks dealing with all that needs doing. I've been good. Really good. No crying, I'm actually getting out of bed and functioning - going to the store and all.

The last few weeks has been great - we decided to finally tie the knot after being engaged since July 2005, and over the course of two weeks, I've done everything that needs doing - the guest list, seating arrangements, photographer, reception, menu, invitations, etc. I even got a dress and shoes. It's been really great, as it's kept me busy and given me something to focus on. I've been able to actually function again. Nothing too big, but I've mostly stopped picking my skin (decided to go with a backless dress to have some sort of motivation).

Today has been ****. Nothing major, just small things ticking me off. Got home from the movies just now, to the news that one of my favorite bands are coming to Europe again this fall. Good news, eh? Not so much. We went to Germany in early May to catch a show, we're going to England in August for three concerts with other fav band and then there's the wedding in September. Soon-to-be-hubby is leaving for Denmark medio-October to get an education. I'm staying here, hoping to continue mine. I don't think there's a way for us to afford going to either Poland, Germany or England to see them. This has upset me greatly. I know it's nothing compared to what, I'm sure, people in this community and elsewhere has to endure, but getting to see and talk to my favorite bands is somewhat therapeutical for me.

And we can't go. I'm in tears because of this. I know it's stupid

[Cal]

Mar, it's great that you are feeling well and that you have planned your wedding already. You can just relax now.

Also, it's not stupid at all! Talking to your favourite bands is therapeutical, after all, you are a huge fan and you really like them. It's nice to get to talk to them, you kind of realise what they are like and how they are with their fans. I envy fans who get to talk to the band members....the closet thing I have ever gotten to a band member was Kelly Osbourne's hand - it was awesome...Oh, and Head out of Korn did point and laugh at me and he threw a can of beer at me too....

Anyway, I'll stop waffling - I'm not sure if I have been any help or not, I tend to talk a lot. I hope everything goes well for you!

[aejdude]

I agree with Cal, it's good you are feeling well.

And i can totally relate to missing out on seeing bands, before my accident in october i really wanted to go and see some of my favourite bands between october and december and i thought great this year i actually feel good to want to go to a concert as i haven't been to one before and then i had my accident and that stopped me from going which wasn't good on top of all the effects the accident had on me, and most of the bands i like only tour in the autumn so it means having to wait another year actually years because they only tour in the year they release their album and they aren't touring anymore until the next album so it isn't that great and without having the accident to deal with i wasn't feeling great so it would have made me feel better, basically all this post is saying is that i understand you getting upset over not seeing bands as i have felt the same but there isn't much you can do if you can't go you can't go, you will still be annoyed about it but then time passes and other things will be on your mind.

Hope this helps, sorry if it doesn't.

[Siog Alainn]

OK, this is probably stupid and I feel selfish for saying this, but it's really getting to me.

Today is my birthday and all my relatives remembered but none of my closest friends. The two people I consider to be my best friends haven't said anything even though I have been talking to both on MSN and bebo. There are people who I made a HUGE effort with on their birthday like cakes, balloons, cards and presents, and they haven't so much as text me.

I know that during the summer, everyones sense of time and days get mixed up but if I'm supposed to be a friend is it too much to ask that they send me a text or leave me a bebo comment?

I just feel real hurt and underappreciated. Then on the other hand, I feel terribly guilty and selfish because I know there are people with real problems out there and they're probably not complaining which makes me feel even more upset. I'm healthy and financially secure, I've a great family, doing more than fine at school etc

Am I making too big a deal out of this? Comments appreciated x

[rennyren]

Oh, hun. First up, happy birthday!

Secondly, I know exactly what that feels like. I had one year where no one remembered my birthday, and it felt terrible. So you go ahead and complain all you like!

And then remind them about it. Seriously. I know it makes you sound like an egomaniac, but your birthday is the one day that you can. So every person you talk to, be all like "I was born today! Worship me now!" Send out a massive text, or hire a skywriter or something.

Good luck with all that, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY again!

[emmasi]

Not to get your hopes up, but they could be planning a surprise party... and think it's funny to make you utterly depressed first... I've never liked surprise parties...

Failing that, it's possible that they just don't realise what day it is. I know all but one of my friend's birthdays off-by-heart, but ask me what the date is today and I'll star at you blankly. Seriously, my best friend's birthday is the 14th of April, which I know, and I also know that he shares it with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Paul O'Brien. So do you know how I actually remembered it was his birthday this year? I had to read Paul O'Brien's fans wishing him happy birthday here first!

Just the other day it was my other best friend's little sister's birthday... I know it's the 11th, but I didn't know that the actaully date the other day was the 11th until my best friend said to me "Hey, it's my sister's birthday." ...

Anyway, it sux to feel forgotten, but don't think that your friends don't care about you just because they flaked on a date. If they really have forgotten then I'm sure they'll be really sorry about it and make it up to you

[Siog Alainn]

Thank you both for your comments.

Its not a surprise party, one of them who forgot is in Greece with her grandparents the rest of the summer so she can't be planning something.

I've been talking to them since and they seemed to remember after they saw a comment from a guy I barely know on bebo. But then they started making excuses like "I was minding children all day and didn't get time" and "I didn't have Internet access" - which is blatently untrue in both cases seeing as I was texting and on MSN to both of them yesterday so the fact that they lied is making me all.....grr about it

but having said that, I had a really nice relaxing bubble bath with candles and incense and the works and that made me feel SO much better and helped me put things into perspective. So I can now see that getting so worked up and upset about it was silly, but I still think I have a reason to be annoyed. Maybe its because I'm really good with remembering birthdays and that sort of thing.......

Meh. I'll get over it.

So thanks again sorry for waffling! x

[penny lane]

^^ With that kind of situation - i.e other people letting you down and treating you in a manner far inferior to the way you treat them - i always just try to rise above it.

I know that's easier said than done but i try and focus on the big picture and realise that, in the grand scheme of my life, this is not going to make or break me.

Also, i try to do things that take my mind off it and are fun for me personally - that way, you can create your own happiness - it isn't dictated by other people.

Reading back over this, i realise it sounds like some kind of American psyco-bable, but honestly, i'm from Ireland and it really is what i try and do!

[rennyren]

Mmmmmmmm, bubble bath. The answer to everything.

Like I said, ever since my friends forgot my birthday, I've been really over the top and dramatic about it. In their face for WEEKS before hand. They just find it amusing. But they've never forgotten again.

Then again, I'm REALLY bad at remembering birthdays. I remember my dad's and sister's, because they're three days apart, but I've narrowed my mum's down to three possible days. And I remember my best friend's, but none of my other friends. But then I always make a big deal out of it and give them awesome presents and apologise for weeks afterwards, which is maybe what your friends will do. Well, I hope they do anyway.

And I also agree with caitlyn rose. Do things that make you happy. Like bubble baths.

[Cal]

I can't stand being a teen at the moment. And I can't stand living in this house. Being away for the past week or so was bliss. Nobody to tell me that my opinions are wrong and nobody argued with me. I've only been back a day and I'm already fighting with mum.

I can't stand it when she says I do nothing with my life when she is plastered drunk. She tends to over-dramatize things when she is talking. Apparently, I am totally obsessed with my computer. Which is a load of crap. I'm just interested in them. The 'rents say that I should do whatever interests me, but they tell me to stop doing it when I get interested in something. Make sense?

Maybe if we didn't move in 2004, it would all be different. I had a social life then. There were things to do. I loved it. But over here, it's quite different. I've lost most of my friends, lost all kinds of social skills, and I've been treated like crap by the people in school which means that I am afraid to be myself. Moving schools was a heap of stress. I moved in my exam year, which meant a new curriculum in most subjects. I was so stressed out. But I did OK in my JC. I tried my best, but for some reason, I don't think my parents were pleased.

The parents don't seem to understand what life is like over here when you are a teenager. They never seem to listen fully when you say stuff to them. They never seem to think about the consequences that will take affect on me when they make their decisions. Their mistakes in the past landed me here, completely alone and scared. I can't even concentrate in school because I've got so much stuff in my head. I'm scared about failing my LC, I'm scared of College, and I'm scared of the reality of being an adult.

My summer exam results were OK this year considering I was sick for half of the course. The parents were all like, "That's pretty good considering you've been through hell the past year. But you need to really study next year and do well in the LC!" - I get really annoyed at that line that they seem to repeat over and over again. It seems like they don't think I tried my best. I tried my hardest, I really did. They say that they will get strict next year when it comes to school work, which insults me a bit. It makes me feel like crap. It makes it look like I did sh!t all last year, it makes me look lazy.

As you can see, I love to rant. But all this anger is bottled up inside of me and I can't let it out. I don't want to talk to my parents about it because I know they'll make up lame excuses instead of trying to fix the problems, which they seem to be experts at. Avoiding the problem.