Inversion

[emmasi]

Topic Title: Inversion

Topic Description: Belle. Rated T(L)

Type of story: Oneshot

Rating: T

Main Characters: Belle

Genre: Angst

Warnings: L

Is Story being proof read: Yes

Summary: Belle compares herself to Mattie.

INVERSION

What would it be like if you were me? If the perfect white you wear so proudly was suddenly turned dark? In a flash of blue, green, grey, the colours shift and our lives change. You’re me. I’m you. I don’t hurt anymore.

I’m with your boyfriend now, and you’re with mine. He doesn’t pine for someone else – not even for you. He’s with me, and he loves me. But do I love him? I think I do. He’s been a friend, and now a lover.

What would I want with the man you have now? He never wanted me. I forced him to be with me. I forced him to love me. He never would have otherwise.

My mother made sure of that. Made sure that no man would want me, the daughter of a whore. A whore myself. Even before I knew her, I was throwing myself at every guy I met. Was I trying to break her record? Pregnant by 13? God, imagine me with a baby… Imagine me with his baby…

Do you think he’d be an abusive father, like his dad was to him? Probably not. Probably… I think his foster dad drove that out of him.

Maybe we’re better people without blood to confuse it. Blood is thicker than water. Thick enough to drown in, and never be able to fight your way back to the surface.

I should never have come here. I never knew anyone who was perfect before. Then I met you. I saw your life – the life I never had – and I envied you. I hated you. I’d still hate you, if we hadn’t both changed.

You let yourself be fooled. You thought that I really was who I pretend to be. You thought that I could snap my fingers and have any man in town drooling at my heels like a mindless animal. You thought that’s what I wanted – what you wanted. Such a fool.

So now you have Ric, and he loves you. Of course, he’s always loved you; would have killed for you from the start. Any moron could see that. But you wanted him to be in love with you. Do you really think that’s what he ever felt for me? No… no way. I was just a convenient way for him to let his girlfriend know that it was over.

You would have killed yourself for love. I get that. I’ve spent my whole life wondering why no one wanted me. And suddenly you, the girl who everyone loves, is losing her mind and body to self-doubt. The world is insane sometimes, isn’t it?

He really did love you, you know. Lucas. He would have killed for you too. Must have been nice to feel that kind of dedication from a man. From anyone, really. But then, you grew up knowing that feeling. Your mum, your dad, your brothers, your sister… a whole family who’d jump to your rescue. I never had that. I had two “parents” who couldn’t wait to see the back of me, and a “mother” who would sleep with the one person that I thought really cared about me.

Lucas will never betray me. I’ll love him forever for that. But I know we’re doomed to fail. He’s too good for me. Does that sound crazy? I guess so, but it’s true. This is just the way it goes. I’ll betray him before our time together is up.

You see, I can wear these pretty white clothes of yours, Mattie – the gentle lamb – but everyone knows that underneath, all I’ll ever be is a black wolf. My only purpose in life is to chew people up and spit them out again, just like my mother. Just like she did to my ex-boyfriend, and probably did to my father as well. I’ll never know him because of her. I wouldn’t want him to know me, because I am her.

You’ve had your fling with self-loathing, and with using your blackened body to get what you want. That’s not who you are. You’re better than that. You’re way better than I could ever be.

Take back the purity and innocence that deviants like me have stolen from you, and wear it proudly once more. Because, no matter how much I want to pretend, we are who we are and there’s no changing it.

You are Matilda Hunter, and I’m just… me.

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