Oxidizer Posted December 11, 2006 Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 Wow. Yes, you get more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted December 17, 2006 Report Share Posted December 17, 2006 She didn’t care anymore. Not about herself, not about anything. As far as she was concerned, her life ended when Zoe’s did. Great ! You really got me seeing how much she loved her. "Who the hell was that?" Cassie asked as she sat beside Sally and Ric, who both stared on in confusion as screams of terror and pain continued to pierce the air in the background. Very powerful, even though it's kind of a cliché it really has a good effect on the story. "So what did you think you were going to do?" Tracey asked to the silent and dead-like man lied in the bed. "Did you think that once all of this was over that you could live happily with Drew? I’m only asking because you seemed so sure of yourself yesterday." Tracey stood up and cocked her gun and pressed the nuzzle hard against the side of his forehead as a tear streamed down the side of her face. "You’re not going into witness protection, Peter. You’re not even going to make it out of this room. You know what? You’re going to meet the same fate as that stupid f*cker who was driving that van." I love these paragraphs, the conversation/monologue is very lively, and the way you describe the situation makes it easy to picture everything. He did as he was told, a violent tremble shook his entire body as he legs began to give way, he was terrified and could hardly breath. He closed his eyes and panted breathlessly in fear as Zoe walked past him and stood beside Tracey who aimed the gun at his head from a small distance. Tracey pulled the trigger and a small popping sound accompanied the driver’s body as he fell to the ground. A perfect bullet hole in the centre of his head. This is really good, you make them seem so cold and evil, and the situation is very easy to picture. Well written! "I believe we’ve got a wedding to get to." I love the casualty of this sentence, it once again shows how cold they are. All over a VERY good story, I love the words you use and how you describe the situations without using too many words. Can't wait to read more from you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxidizer Posted December 21, 2006 Report Share Posted December 21, 2006 Wow! I'm really glad you liked it so much! Thanks for that too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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