Where I Belong

[loobieloo]

Story Title: Where I Belong

Story description: Tony , through time.

Type of story: oneshot

Main Characters: Tony, Jack, Lucas

BTTB rating: G

does story include spoilers: No

Is story being proof read: No

Any warnings: None

summary: Tony through the years, ends up where her belongs, it's what he's been waiting for.

Ok so I wrote this for a HAAC competition thingy and I just thought I'd post it on here to see what you guys think I'm not too proud of it, but any reviews will make me happy

It's Tony's POV

**FLASHBACK**

“And do you remember when Jack and Martha first met? What a disaster!” I laughed to Beth.

“Yeah!” Beth laughed too, “It’s such a shame what’s going on between them isn’t it?” she added, searching my face to try and tell what I was thinking.

“Umm” was all I managed to say. I was still in shock about their divorce. I knew it would destroy Jack and that broke my heart.

But while everyone is concentrating on Jack and Martha’s troubles, they have failed to acknowledge anyone else’s. I try to block out what I am feeling but sometimes it all gets too much. It floods back to my mind and overwhelms all my other thoughts so I have to think about it. I have to remember what is going on, what I am feeling. I don’t love her, I want to, but I don’t. There’s no other way I can put it, I have fallen out of love with her and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

The nights in bed are the worst. Lying next to her, all the time just wanting to get away, to be away from her. Then the guilt comes. She is lonely and needs me, and Mattie and Lucas, they need us to be together. Mattie has already lost one dad and I will not put her through that again, just like Lucas lost his mum. I wish she was here. I wish it was her I was talking to, her I was cuddling at night. Even though she isn’t here and hasn’t been for some time, she is still the queen of my heart. She invades my thoughts daily, actually more like hourly. I miss her so much.

I thought I loved Beth. I think I did at first but exactly when that changed I don’t know.

Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy and I just want it to end. It’s driving me insane yet I have no power to stop it. I’ rather be feeling this way and putting up with it than telling everyone and breaking so many hearts.

“Hey dad, Beth” Jack greeted us as he walked in the front door.

“You’re very cheerful today aren’t you?” He hasn’t been this chirpy for weeks.

“Well, I’ve decided, Martha hates me and that’s the end of it. Why mope around for the rest of my life? I was actually coming round to ask if you wanted to come to Noah’s tonight for a few drinks with me. “

“She doesn’t hate you and are you sure that’s a good idea?” I wasn’t convinced he was ok

“Gawd dad! Come on, we haven’t been for a night out for ages, plus, it’ll help me get my mind off Martha”

“Ok, sure, why not?” I didn’t know what else to say, I knew if I didn’t agree to it, it would cause an argument and I couldn’t be bothered arguing with him.

“Meet me there at 7, see ya!” He waved as he walked out.

I could hear him whistling a happy tune as he walked down the garden path, maybe he is happy? Maybe he is over Martha and everything’s going to go back to normal?

***************************************************************

“Dad?” Jack brought me out of my daydream, “Dad? What are you thinking?”

“Nothing,” came my simple reply, “Just remembering things.”

“What things?” He had a worried look on his face.

“Just things. Like when you and Martha were getting that divorce, and, Beth”

“Oh dad don’t go all sentimental on me!”

“But” I searched for the right words “Don’t you ever wonder what would have happened if it had all been different?”

“No dad, it all worked out the way it was supposed to. Do you regret what happened with Beth?”

“No. I didn’t love her, it would have been worse to drag it on and on. She had the right to know. Do you regret what happened with Martha?”

“No, we obviously weren’t meant to be together. Besides, I’m happy now with Krystal.”

“I’m glad it all worked out for you.” I tell Jack smiling, “And when is Lucas coming in? I told him to be here for 12 yesterday and its half past!”

Jack laughed “You know how he is with time! You seriously didn’t expect him before 1 did you?”

“Yes I did actually! Seeing as I’m stuck in here, I can’t exactly go and see him can I!” I was angry that my own son couldn’t even do this for me.

“So dad, 70’s a big birthday. What do you want to do? I suggest a massive party with lots of booze!” Jack grinned at me cheekily.

“Oh yeah Jacky. I’ll just click my ruby slippers and organise that shall I? And there’s this stupid medication that I’m on to think of, the doc would go crazy if I had a drink! Although I thought a nice meal would be good. And you do remember, you’re not young anymore!”

“Speak for yourself! I’m always going to be young!”

“Ok, Ok! Where the hell is Lucas? I can’t believe he’s this late!” I was getting angrier by the minute.

*******************************************************

LATER THAT NIGHT

It’s been hours since Jack and Lucas left and I’m beginning to feel lonely again. I hate it here, there always comes a time for them to leave, and I am always left alone in the end. I’m not completely alone though. I know Kate’s here, I can feel her. She’s been coming for some time know, checking up on me I think. I like it when she’s here I can always feel her warmth, her love. I speak to her a lot more now and even though I don’t get an answer, I know she hears me.

“Can you believe it? Can you believe how long it’s been?” I’ve been missing her for years now and it’s just so strange to think how long it’s actually been since I kissed her, hugged her and held her. It feels like only yesterday.

“Yeah. It’s been too long, I missed you.”

Did she just answer my prayers? I wished and hoped and prayed for years she would talk to me again but she never did. Was that just my imagination?

“Kate?”

“Tony, I love you so much.”

I could see her now, standing before me, as gorgeous as ever. She hadn’t changed a bit since she left and it was then that I realised. Looking down at my hands, they weren’t wrinkly or old. They were young and smooth and strong. My surroundings had changed too, I recognised this new place instantly, it was our home, our home together. The home which we had planned to live in for ever, the one we wanted to bring our sons up in. I was so happy to be here again and it felt like I had never left. I held her close and told myself that I would never let her go again, ever.

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