Zoe Strikes Again

[OMG!How hot is martha and jack]

hi dis my first fanfic jack was walking down the road nd tasha came out of the nearby bus shelter because it was raining. she said to tasha that martha really lucky to have him but martha should no that relationships cant last longer than a year coz then they become boring, so they need to make it while they last and that tasha and martha could still b frndz even if martha was with lucas and i was with jak coz they luv us still nd will rspekedt aowur idea to be together. on other side ofthe bay alf was talking to mrs flethcer about how kidz these days are so smart nd it putz him as a kid to shame.

[Jacksthehottest]

i have no idea what you just wrote maybe if you change the font colour and don't write text language

[OMG!How hot is martha and jack]

its ok now i fixed it for yoo

[OMG!How hot is martha and jack]

thanks for your comments im writing part 2 now

sally and alf were walking along the beach still and then there was jack there with tasha, and zoe jumped out of thei bushes with a she said that if they didnt stop she would shoot herself and mrs smart after she killed herself and that she woodent do this if she could get the last reminding bit of pieter which was jacks liver and because she wanted to make sure pieter wasnt helping anyone and that by killing his liver he would all be gone nd she can live in peace becaoze nonobody will harm her and she wont bring out revenge onsummer beach after all.

alf said she was a floooping mounggarell and that she is mad jack meanwhile jumped up and pushed zoe into the sand and then he said that you **** hurt us because we are more than you and sarah said that we have beeting you before we would willing to do it again

my next chapter will come soon so dont worry

[OMG!How hot is martha and jack]

thanks do anybody else have comments for me?

i will post next part tonight if i can get onto the computer

[Stuart2006]

Hey like the story just 1 thing i think you should contact a modarator to change the title to Zoe Strikes Again not zoe strike fagain. Please continue........

[-Jade-]

Sorry, but it didn't really do it for me. It's short; it's all like one continuous sentence with little punctuation and lots of spelling mistakes; and what is with the ****'s???

You need to write more clearly and describe the feelings of the characters, not just write one long list. Also, you're not allowed to used text speak on the board, which is what you used in the first part.

Another thing; to make it clearer who is saying what, some speech marks wouldn't go a miss.

Basically, my advice to you would be to try re-writing it again but considering punctuation and description in order to improve.

[xGlowingAngelx]

^^I agree. I know not everyone has perfect Spelling and Grammar, but I don't actually see much punctuation at all. I can see this fic having great potential, so may I suggest that when you write the next parts you perhaps send them for proof reading first. I think this could help improve it, and then more people would recognise the story's true potential.

[-Annie-]

^I agree.

Also, perhaps try reading other people's fics, to see how punctuation is used and how the authors use emotions and background info to explain their story.

[-Emily-]

^^

I agree, din't follow on or anything, very strange I'm sorry to say. And because no puncuaton was used well, I didn't get what you were saying.