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Rupert Meets Home and Away

Guest Ryan

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Kim walked into the diner and sat on a chair.

Started talking to Robbie who was already there.

He said I've got the party poppers and balloons

The presents, the candles and the cake serving spoons.

Have you cleared everything with Irene.

Because, tomorrow, Tash turns eighteen.

Don't worry, I've got it under control.

His forehead was wrinkled, stress taking it's toll.

Leah walked out of the kitchen and presented a cake.

It looks awful, is that the best you can bake.

Leah frowned and slammed it on Kim's head.

He was allergic to almonds and was soon dead.

Leah was hated from pillar to post.

Barry and Flynn had it in for here the most.

Tasha's party was called off and she began to cry.

She'd get no presents as Kim had to die.

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Into the church they filed, two by two

And one by one they sat on the pew.

Robbie, Alf, Barry and Dan

Carried the coffin in and the service began.

It was very emotional, I'll grant you that.

But Beth couldn't see because of Colleen's huge hat.

They sang a few hymns and read a poem or two.

Then someone went to the toilet and did a whacking great poo.

The people debated wheter Kim went to heaven or hell.

But there minds were then altered, what is that smell.

They sniffed around to find out who it could be.

Then Ric found some evidence when he went for a pee.

The police badge made them know it was Jack

That steaming great **** had come from his bum ......

Martha dumped him and asked who he could be so rude

By that didn't stop her stuffing her face full of the food

Then as they left the next story began to unfold

Will it flop or be screen gold?

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The ground all around began to shake

Alf turned and said make no mistake

I think we're experiencing an earthquake.

Who will survive and who will it take?

The church was reduced to rubble and stone

Lucas leg was broken, out stuck the bone.

Matilda cried to see her boyfriend in pain

Irene began to think of Kirsty and Kane.

The ambulance turned up and Nurse Julie got out

She tried to save Beth, but it call came to nowt.

Ric was most injured, he was put in the back

(Ryan, please stop, these lyrics are cack)

Cassie rushed into the hospital at Ric's bedside

Her fear of losing him, she just couldn't hide

Back at the church, hopes took a dive

The can't find Alf, is he going to survive?

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