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Fan Fic Challenge Entries 2006/07


Guest AngelRose

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Well I think it's my time to vote now. Firstly I want to say that the fics were of such a high standard that I'm having such a hard time deciding who I'm going to vote for. I haven't even decided now but here go the reviews anyways....

A Tale of Sinners

Wow. I loved this one. The writing was brilliant, and I could not fault it. It was descriptive, emotive without being over the top and that blew me away. I loved the fact that you didn't feel that you had to have a definite story and the simple descriptions of the different moments were beautiful, funny and hot. I also want to congratulate this author on being the one who followed the whole theme of this challenge (the seven sins) the best. I love the way you used one part for each sin and it was like you were describing and giving meaning to the sin through individual moments of one couple. I adored Cassie and Henry as a couple and well done on using an uncoventional pairing because it makes it that bit more exciting! What can I say? I can find no fault in this entry.

Greed

I agree with everyone else. This was random, but that's what I loved about it. The plot was original and amusing. The problem I had with this fic is that it was short and not descriptive enough. My advice to the author is to try not to read off events as if it's a list. Add description of surroundings, people, feelings etc...

I would suggest that what you do is take say this story and give yourself a challenge of re-writing it but having to make it 2 pages. If you practice you could produce such great stories!

Lust

Ok, the storyline for this was good. However, there was too much dialogue and this distracted a bit from the story and your writing. Furthermore, the tense didn't read as nicely as it could of. What I liked was that it was descriptive but you seemed to describe things that didn't necessarily need to be described. However I loved the idea for the story and the settings. As they say, practice makes perfect, so I would just say keep writing!

Coming Home

Ok, I know that people have said that it was too much of a cliched J&M story but I loved it, but not because of the reason that you're probably all thinking. When I read it I honestly didn't suddenly think "well this is a J&M fic so I love it" because to be honest there are some J&M fics out there that aren't a joy to read because they aren't written well. On the contrary, the writing for this was fantastic and funny. Nowadays, J&M fics are done so much that you really have to sort through them to find the ones which are really great quality. But the ones that are really worth reading are brilliant, they just get overshadowed by the masses of not so good J&M stories. This was one of the best J&M fics I've ever read and I want to congratulate the author on not feeling that she had to make up this super original plot in order to get votes from non-J&M fans. To me it was simple but perfect. It made me a laugh and it made me go awww. And what it reminded me off was almost like "vintage J&M". Weird phrase I know, but this story went back to the beggining and captured the original chemistry that J&M had which I feel has now been lost.

That

I LOVED this story. Reason: this author dared to be original and do something different. Granted the other people in this challenge took some risks, but this author went all out with a character that you wouldn't usually expect to be written about and a different style. I liked how she kept the character secret til the end. Yes, I agree that some of it could have been slightly better strctured so that it wasn't as confusing in some places but it was great all the same. I love things that make me laugh and this fic certainly did that. The last line was classic and so effective. Well done to this author!! What I would like to see you do now is to write a more serious fic that deals with a serious issue. Obviously I know who you are and I love your fics, but I've never seen you do one that is truly serious. You need to do this to vary your writing.

Finally Broken Beyond Repair

Brilliant. This fic was amazingly written and different. The pairing of Amanda and Jack, was shocking and yet interesting. I know this author took a risk with this fic and it so payed off. Again I can't fault it. The writing just blew me away, the plot was :o , the ending was beautiful. I was sitting on my chair, reading the ending and like everyone has already said, I could feel both of their emotions. I have to congratulate you on managing to make me actually feel sorry for Jack as well as Martha. You have an awesome writing style that I love and that story was simply great. I love the fact that the ending was not completely closed.

Rigth well I've finished the reviews, now for the hard bit. I'm having such a hard time deciding between A Tale of Sinners, That, Coming Home and Broken Beyond Repair, as I feel all of them are equal in quality. I want to vote for A Tale of Sinners because the writing was amazing and the use of sins was fantastic. I want to vote for That because of the sheer originality. I want to vote for Coming Home because of the way it took me back to original J&M. I want to vote for Broken Beyond Repair because the writing blew me away and because of the way it made me feel. I know I can't decide based on which I prefered so I'm going to decide this way:

-A Tale of Sinners and Coming Home have both received a lot of votes so I won't vote for them.

-That leaves That and Broken Beyond Repair.

-That has received no votes and it deserves to have received them. So I'm voting for That.

Again I want to re-iterate that the entries have been amazing and it gave me so much pleasure to read them all. :)

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Right, well voting is now closed and I've got the results.

In first place, by one vote, came A Tale Of Sinners, by sevenpuddings. Fantastic story. I hope you're ok with hosting the next challenge Jess. :) (7 votes)

In second place, came Coming Home, by Anna (I don't know your bttb username). lol (6 votes)

In joint third place, came Broken Beyond Repair (author wants to remain anonymous) and Lust, by aedjude. (4 votes each)

In joint fourth place, came Greed by Stuart2006 and That (author wants to remain anonymous). (1 vote each).

Well done to all the authors!! Thank you so much for entering! :D

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Yay! People like Henry and Cassie! My main ambition for that story was to convert as many people as I can into Henry and Cassie shippers!! Soon, they are going to dominate the board! *Evil cackle*

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Okay seriously, thanks guys for liking this story. It was my baby from beginning to end, and I had so much fun writing it! I'm glad if you enjoyed reading it, I'm also glad that people told me that it needed drama, or that they didn't like it. I needed that to help me improve.

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Sure, I'll host the next one. Should be fun! And also, I do believe Coming Home was written by furrylogic.

Now I feel like a witch for tearing it down... sorry!

Congratulations to everyone else, they were seriously awesome stories!

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I decided to say it was me who wrote "That."

For two reasons really,

One, to call Jackandmartha!!! a plonker for putting the title as "That"

And two, to explain. :D

It was never supposed to go up, I didn't like it, I'd JUST finished it when I sent it to jackandmartha!!!, and I told her not to post it. "Why send it in?" You ask, because unfortunately jackandmartha!!! thinks I'm her friend, and I felt bad for letting her down on writing a fic, when she REALLY wanted me to. In my head, I thought "If I write one anyway, she'll know I tried." So I came up with it, sent it off, and we agreed not to put it up. But, of course, smelly jackandmartha!!! did anyway. lol. :P But I don't mind really, not the end of the world! :D

Why did I post all that!? Lol. All I wanted to say was, the title wasn't supposed to be "That" Lol. :D

Congratz sevenpudd's! :D

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Some seriously good writing in these and I enjoyed reading them. I hope people don't think I've been unduly harsh or unfair, I've been pretty honest about what I think and tried to give some constructive criticism but hey what do I know so feel free to completely disregard anything I say. I'm really glad that voting has ended so that I don't have to choose which is my favourite! I'd also like to say well done to everyone who entered, it's a really brave thing to put your work on display for all to read, especially when you're limited by word and inclusion constraints so well done to everyone who had the guts to enter. That already puts you all one up on me! well done guys.xx

Tale of sinners

I found this the most difficult story to review because I know who wrote it and I’ve already read it before so the shock factor was lost a little. …However Henry and Cassie are no my favourite characters as you well know but I loved them in this. I loved the way you interwove the sins, they felt very natural and not in the least bit forced or there for the sake of it. The chemistry between the characters was very, very believable and I could really feel the electricity between them, you captured the passion so well. Your description is incredible and you have a great ability to create a scene and an atmosphere whether it be tension, passion or whatever. I liked the fact that each segment was a story on it’s own but also connected to the other bits and that none of them were complete but left open for future development; hint, hint. The insecurities really gave something to the pieces as well because they made the characters seem more real and for me more likeable. People have commented on the lack of drama but I almost think I’d have been disappointed if this did contain drama because it might have taken something away from the intensity of the interaction between the characters. Just my opinion. Overall a fantastic piece of writing.

That

When I first started reading this I was exhausted and found it really confusing but when I re-read it just now it was easier to understand but still a bit difficult to follow at times. The storyline was completely unique and very different, you were very brave to go out of a modern timeframe but I thought you really made it work for you.

I confess I spent most of this story trying to figure out just which summer bay character it was based on and I loved who it turned out to be, that was a great twist at the end and I never saw it coming. I really liked the way you described the feelings of the characters and the emotions felt by the girls involved. There was some really evocative descriptive writing, I particularly liked:

‘Every morning that seat was there, lonely and waiting for me to arrive. It looked so open and peaceful as the gorgeous early morning sun shone through the window and hazily rested on the felt’

I also liked the way you got the typical teenage angst just right “I mean, common, that top, them pants, so last year!!” that line had me in stitches.

I liked the way you gave them nicknames. It really bought home the distance between them and I felt really sorry for Smartie when everyone was laughing at her, even the bus driver.

I’m not a big fan of stories that specifically state ‘girls pov’ etc because I like things to be more subtle but the girl’s point of view was really well written and made me think of the bully as a real character rather than simply a hate figure.

My only criticisms were that the structure was a little confusing at times and that you could have woven the sins into the story a little more but other than that I think you did a really good job, your description and emotive writing was excellent and I enjoyed reading this. Well done.

Coming Home

Should probably point out before I begin that I’m not the biggest fan of Jack/Martha and therefore maybe I’m a little biased. At first I really thought Jack and Martha were a couple so got a bit confused and I wasn’t really surprised at all when she lost the bet and got with him. I thought this was, as other people have said, quite predictable.

However you got the characters really right, especially Martha, I can just imagine her doing the ‘jealous much’ line and I liked the playfulness between the characters. I thought you created the sense of fun really well. You really created a lot of good humour and if anything this is one of the few fics I’ve read in a while which have captured the old chemistry that existed between Jack and Martha back when I liked them, before they got together.

There was some great dialogue such as ‘drink till you’re cute’ and some really quirky expressions ‘the so far from right it wasn’t funny ones’ which I really liked. I thought a lot of the language you used was pretty unique and I liked the format, it was spread out and easy to read. I’m still not sure if I like songs cutting into stories or not but I did think the one you used was really appropriate to the situation. To be honest it was the dialogue and the sense of fun between the characters that kept me interested in this and I did enjoy reading it but I’m still not convinced there was actually any chemistry between the characters, maybe that’s just a reflection of my views on the characters involved but I found it difficult to feel anything for them.

I love your style of writing though and your expressions and diaglogue were wicked. I’d love to read something of yours that wasn’t Jack/Martha related.

Greed

Quirky is certainly a good word to describe this and I love randomness but this was almost off the scale. I found it quite confusing and I was not really sure quite what was going on, what the storyline was or even if there was a storyline. Pieces of this were really well written but pieces of it were very childlike and I think this story could definitely have done with more expansion. A bit more description or a clear storyline or purpose would have made this fic much easier to follow. Saying that I did find it amusing in a quirky sort of way.

Broken Beyond Repair

Wow. I really enjoyed this. The chemistry between Jack and Amanda was intense, I really enjoyed their interaction. I liked the way you built up to Martha’s reaction and I felt really, really sorry for her at the end. Even though it wasn’t a shock I still felt drawn in wondering what was going to happen next. There were pieces of writing in this that really evoked the emotion and I think the lack of dialogue really allowed you to create the tension and the characters so well. This was completely believable and you even made me enjoy a Jack/Martha fic, which is an achievement in itself. I really liked the way you left the ending where you did and weren’t tempted to try and restore their relationship. The only thing that would have made it a bit better for me would have been a little more on Amanda’s reactions to the situation but that’s a personal feeling and I understand that it was essentially a Jack/Martha fic. You managed to get the emotions of Jack and Martha across really well and I did end up feeling sorry for them both. As others have pointed out it did seem a bit too convenient but you did well to give an inevitable build up to the conclusion even though you were pressed by the word limit. A really well written and intense story, well done.

Lust

Fragmented introduction. You over explained things, it felt more like I was being read a story too rather than seeing a scene in front of me if that makes sense. It made it difficult to get involved in the story. This story would have worked better if you had have let the dialogue do your explaining for you. For example: ‘Matilda hasn’t told Lucas yet.’ Followed immediately by “I haven’t told Lucas yet’. I didn’t think there was a need to really say it twice and I ended up feeling detached from the story. Because the sentence and paragraph structure was fragmented I found myself getting quite bored during the build up and almost just wanted to cut to the action but when the action arrived it was over all too soon. A lot of things seemed completely irrelevant and had little or no bearing on the story and I felt myself wondering why you included them, the rooftop was a classic example. The storyline was a good idea but in order to make it more interesting and believable you needed to elaborate more on what the characters were thinking and feeling rather than what was actually happening. There was a bit too much dialogue and not enough description of things, some descriptive writing about what the characters thought about events would have improved this piece. There was some good writing in this but for me the lack of depth and overload of unnecessary dialogue and explanation ruined it a little.

Again well done to everyone who entered and I hope I've not majorly offended anyone. Like I said earlier, you all entered and I didn't and that deserves a lot of praise in itself.

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