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Fan Fic Challenge Entries 2006/07


Guest AngelRose

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Posting in here just to make sure everyone gets their reviews... or should this be in the thread? Hmm, here will do

Here are my reviews :) Going down the list... I think....

A Tale Of Sinners - The sins were used well, but the story lacked in something, dramatic, intense, final. I mean, it was all of these things, but I didnt find it fulfilling enough. They were simply fragments of a story, incomplete and very vague. And that bugged me. I want things to be finished, to be complete. Last time I liked the idea of unfinished stories, but this one is very unfinished, so Im being very critical of that.

Lust This story was a little jumbled. The characters roles confused me. The way I read it Matilda and Lucas were in the rut, while Cassie and Ric were going strong shower scene anyone?

But then suddenly it all changed around, and Ric and Cassie were seeing other people at the club (with matching names?)

There was so much room for detail, but it just felt as if I were reading He said, she said. And nothing more. My advice for the author, think about describing words, or adjectives to throw in every once in a while. Describe the scene before you write it. On an end note, very good references to personal hygiene.

Greed - Okay, Im a fan of quirky stories, and thats what this one is. It was funny and odd and just random. Why were camera crews interviewing the girls because they were painting a house? Who cares, they just were. In saying that, I got completely confused. I do believe that this one would be a great story, if it were longer. Im not saying it has to be a novel, just kind of stretched out a bit. Details would be nice some of the time too. Describing things is good for the story, and helps expand the vocab too :)

Coming Home I liked the style of writing. But where was the sin? I know the prompts where in there, but it was just another Jack and Martha story when they fought, bantered, then fell in love. So I guess the sin could be wrath or lust or greed (coz Jacks a greedy bugger) but I just wasnt feeling it. There was no twist or anything to entice me in. But I did enjoy the writing style. My tip, avoid being another cliché. If your going to write J&M, make it individual, make it stand out. Thats how you entice audiences. Not by reading the same fics over and over. Sometimes the fairytale gets old.

That Interesting title. I enjoyed this story. It was SO DIFFERENT to anything Ive ever read. I didnt know who it centred around until the end.. and then I got Smartie! I was like, wow, shes so clever. I feel that this story could be developed so well, given a backstory, and turned into its own very brilliant fan fiction. The thing is I dont know. It just seemed as if it were put together for a purpose (which I know it was) and that it was hard to get through. I dont mean to sound like a witch, because I did enjoy it, it just didnt hit me with the wow factor. Some of it did, but not all. In saying that, writing someone in another time and place is very brave of you, and you really did that well! Id love to read more from you!

Broken Beyond Repair - This was dark and intense and written extremely well. I felt empathy for each of the characters, and the sin was used very well. It avoided all clichés that Coming Home fell victim to, and even though it didnt come as a huge shock, as youd led up to the scene, it was still so captivating. Had me hook, line and sinker. The ending was so emotional and well written, I actually felt sorry for all parties involved. But it did seem a bit squished together. Perhaps some of the moments could have been drawn out more? Thats really the only thing that could be improved. I enjoyed this story immensely!

My vote goes to Broken Beyond Repair. I was torn between That and Broken Beyond Repair. They stood out as the individual entries that I generally enjoyed the most. But Broken Beyond Repair won it by an inch.

I'm impressed by all the fics, despite my reviews sounding rather witch like. Everyone did an excellent job, and I really hope we'll get to be impressed by other fics in other challenges in the future :)

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Ok, here's my reviews.

A Tale of Sinners

I think the way this story was written was really clever. I liked how there was a different chapter for each sin, and all the sins were really well intertwined with the story. The descriptions and detail was excellent and the characters were very cute! I would have liked it to have a bit more drama somewhere, but that's just my preference. Overall, a really great story!

That

Although I didn't think the title really matched the story, I definitely enjoyed reading it. The emotions that Smartie was going through sounded really spot-on to me, and the whole story was very believable. The storyline was very unique and original. However, I think that there should have been a bit more emphasis on the sins, but it was still a really entertaining story. This writing style definitely suited me also!

Lust

I got a bit confused in this story. I might be a bit picky, but personally I think there was a bit too much detail, such as all the discussion on what the characters were wearing and the shower scene!?! There was some great writing in there, but the story for me just lacked some… ‘pizazz’ or ‘spark’ if you get what I mean. Some more sins intertwined in the storyline would be good too.

Greed

Boy, this was a random story. It was quite fun and quirky, but I think there should have been a bit more depth somewhere. I did get quite confused too with the whole camera thing, and why exactly were they painting a house in rainbow colours?! But it still was funny and there was some talented writing in there too.

Coming Home

I can never get enough of J/M stories, and like Jess said above, it was very cliché, but the writing was still brilliant. I enjoyed how the sins were intertwined (gosh I’ve been using that word a lot!). There was a perfect amount of detail and everything flowed really well.

Broken Beyond Repair

This story was really emotional and the emotions explained in words were done really well. I definitely felt like I was ‘there’…or in better words I could really feel involved in the story. The style of writing was excellent and there were also some great descriptive words. If this story was a longer story I think it would have been easier to read, but I realise it is hard to do in a one-shot. But a wonderful story overall.

This was a really hard decision! There was some terrific storylines, but basically I think it all comes down to how well the sins were intertwined, while keeping up an interesting storyline. Therefore my vote goes to A Tale of Sinners – this story really stood out to me. That and Broken Beyond Repair were the other two I was closely thinking between, and I really loved them too, but like I said earlier, it all came down to how well the sins were written.

Everyone should be congratulated for even entering, for I know it might take a lot of courage. I didn’t hate any of the stories, which is a good thing. :)

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Okay, review time. But first of all, just wanted to say how much I loved reading everything! It's so great having an influx of 6 or 7 new fics to read!! Here we go:

A Tale of Sinners

I really enjoyed this one, I thought it was very well done, especially the way it was linked with the seven sins for each chapter. It would have been so hard to do but this writer did it really well. Something I loved especially about this one was the underlying concerns behind the characters. They were both in very ordinary settings, and were casual in those surroundings but there was just so much buried in both Cassie and Henry, and I really enjoyed the whole insecurity/personal development thing. Overall, it was really good. If I had to give some advice, it would be to put in more links, because I just loved the way it was already interwined!

Greed

Okay, this story was really quite random. But that is not a bad thing, I just felt it was a bit too short and there

was not enough to draw me in. It was pretty interesting to begin with but somehow the bit on television kinda made it way too out there. I thought it was really quite entertaining, it just needed more of a storylink or a link, and more development. Although I do love randomness, this was just a bit too random.

Lust

This story was very confusing at times. I do actually understand the idea of the story, and the problem with Ric and Cassie but somehow it did not seem written properly because of the overload of dialogue. I felt that there was too much added in that seemed very significant, but was added in just for the sake of writing it in. Things like, having an extra 5 minutes and writing about that even though nothing added to the plot happened in it. But overall, the moral in the story was good. Perhaps more written text and less dialogue would be better though.

That

I loved this story! I thought it was very entertaining and very different. I loved the ending, and despite the "Smartie" giveaway, I did not at all suspect it was Colleen. I thought that was very original! The only problem is, at times the different sections in time and perspectives confused me, but it might have just been me! I think it would have been better if you had connected it more to the sins rather than just at the end.

Broken Beyong Repair

I was completely blown away by this story because of the intensity in it. It was extremely full-on and I loved that, and I loved the fact that the ending stopped there, at Martha's expression. THat there was no resolution or an attempt of one. I thought it was very well written and described really well. The only thing to change would be to make it less crammed in, and that the ending seemed too convenient. The whole being-caught-in-bed kinda thing was too expectant. I think that was because you were trying to finish it in the word-limit, I think it would have worked well longer though. But overall, I loved your writing style!

Coming Home

I thought this story was really well written and clear. It would have been better with more reference to the sins. But it was still really quite good. I did not like the very happy ending, it seemed a bit too rushed. I thought the start was very interesting but the turn-around in Jack's behaviour just seemed to come out of nowhere. It needed more development. I guess to me it just seemed like a Jack and Martha story but with an added scene with a sin. I loved the way you wrote it though, and stylistically it was very good. I thought the way it was sectioned was done well.

- - - - -

Overall, I loved reading them. This was a really good topic! I really thought that Broken Beyond Repair was just outstanding in it's writing, and That was simply so original and entertaining. But I'll agree with Annie, I loved how A Tale of Sinners just interwines all the sins, I didn't think anyone would attempt it but this person did. So it's my winner! Why I chose it was because: It had great character development, the reference to the sins in the chapter titles and the actual chapters themselves not just the title - was just done so well, and I just thought it had more depth than any of the others. There was just so much buried underneath it, so there's my pick! EDIT: Also, the actual writing was top rate, the descriptions, the style, loved it. I thought I should add that because otherwise it is like I'm just picking out of storyline and characters which I'm not!

I hope I didn't offend anyone, I actually really enjoyed them all! I hope you all keep writing, they were very well done. I guess that's the sucky bit about this challenge - picking and analysing and reviewing!

:) Well done!

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Alright here are my reviews

A Tale of Sinners

Wow, this one was amazing this person has some really good writing talents. i liked how the seven sins were linked in each chapter. The description of every was amazing to read, but as most people have said already it did lack a bit of drama , but i still loved it. I havn't seen much things written about Henry and Cassiie so that was good. I liked how u had a chapter for every sin, you're an amazing writer, I'm going to have to read more of ur fics, when i know who you are :D

Greed

I liked this one, it was prett random and the idea was quit intresting, i think thew story would have been better if you had more in it. It kind of consued me as what was happenign, but maybe thats just me :lol: , i think you have good writing skills, but you should have added more into it.

Lust

This was kind of confusing i think too much was added that didn't have to be said, like every five mionutes what was going on. I think it was well written but it did have too much dialouge i think. Overall i enjoyed reading it but i think it would have been better with more discription of the feelings and what charecters are thinking instead of dailouge...... hope i make sense

That

This was so different in a good way, i enjoyed reading this story, and i would have never expected it to be Colleen, even thought it was Smartie i never realised till the end. I thought the storyline/idea was original, and also the different views of people was intresting to read, excellent story

Broken Beyond Repair

i loved this story, so much emotion shown in it, it felt like you coudl teel what the charecters are going through, i thoguht ur writing was excellent. It would have been better if you could have had it as a story but since it was a one off it was pretty good. I also liked the ending when Martha came in, kind of expected but still good and i also liked it how you showed her point of view.

Coming Home

Excellent story i liked the idea and everything. I love all J and M fics, so maybe that's why i enjoyed it so much. I was kind of confused with the behaviour of Jack i don't know why he turned angry at Martha all of a second, just a bit confusing, but overall i loved it. I like how you did it in parts aswell because it kept me entartained. Great writing.

Hope i did everyone and i hope i reviewed the right story to the title. I enjoyed reading all thsoe 6 fics, i think the writing in all of them was really good. I'm sorry if i sounded mean in some of the reviews.

Ok now my vote was between "Broken Beyond Repair" and "Tail of Sinners". At the end i decided to go with Tail of Sinners, i thoguht that story was amazing and the sins were used well.

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Well, I can't vote.

Sorry guys, but it would be extremely unfair for me to do so. Not only have I not read all of the fics, I fear that i'd be biased with J&M. I also can't sit and read M rated stuff, I just can't. Sounds wierd, I should be a curious 15 year old who likes a good old giggle - but I'm just not like that. lol. Sorry.

I fell in flippin' love with Coming Home.

Sheer brilliance.

I had tears in my eyes, and I wasn't even laughing! You know when you can't laugh, but it's right in your throat? I had that! Just imagening them doing it!

I need to know who this author is, because you are brilliant! You're REALLY funny!! You're my god. lol. I love humour, I find fics quite boring without it, and I try to put it in my fics. lol. (not always successful...) And, you got the humour mark STRAIGHT AWAY.

You're brill. *yey*

Now, you're probably all wondering "Hmm, looks like Nicole's got her choice pretty much sorted out, how come she doesn't vote for Coming Home?" Well, my little munchkins, the answers simple. If it was Alf and Colleen, or Ric and Cassie, I don't know if I'd pick it. Now, that's not great to say, it doesn't look good for me, but I'm being honest about it. I love this fic, and I'm not taking away the writing skills when I say this, it's just it made it that bit better when it was Jack and Martha. Obviously because they're my fave characters.

You deserve my vote, you really do. And I'm sorry, but I can't give it you. :(

Broken Beyond Repair

Another reason why I can't enter this fic - I know who wrote this, which made it HILARIOUS for myself. lol. You know who you are, and you gave me a tummy ache! I don't read intimate bits (only when it comes up in bay_girls fics, because I HAVE to lol) but, because I know the person, I just had to. Although I feel a bit sick, and can't get a certain bit out of my head, it was probably the funniest part of my day, and I'm not going to be able to talk to this person the same again! :P Prepare to be teased - majorly. :P

But, the end. The bit where he woke up, and when Martha saw him was great. I'm going to use the word beautiful, even though it was awful. lol. I felt like I was Martha. I felt as if I'd just walked in on the man I love in bed with another woman, ashamingly pulling up his trousers. Even though I haven't been in love, or married, or been cheated on!

I also felt like Jack. I felt like I was pulling on them trousers, fastening up that top as I hurried to stop the woman I love finding out. Then I felt the pain of seeing her looking at me. I felt it. I really did. Not many people can do that, you really wrote that incredibly. For that, you've totally and utterly wowed me. Sure, I'm going to take the mess out of you for AAAGEES for this fic, but that end... I can pick no fault. (Apart from the fact you ended it. AND that Jack cheated on Martha. :))

Sorry again! :D

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O.k well i finally got around to reviewing but before i do i have to say, that i was blown away by the standard of fics that were submitted and while i'm writing this line i still havn't completley made up my mind.

A Tale of Sinners

This story's use of sins were perfect. They fitted in extremely well with every scene you chose. The quality of the writing was also fantastic. I loved the pairing of Cassie and Henry and i'm not particulary fond of either characters, that's due to how well you wrote it. I really don't think i can give constructive critisism for this one as you are obviously a very talented write and know how to structure your fic.

Greed

This is definitley what i call random :lol: But that's not bad thing. I think random fics are fantastic if you have a really good idea and make them descriptive. My advice to you would be to work a little on describing things and and spread it out a bit more.

Lust

I thought this story had a good plot but the amount of dialougue kind of took away from that and made it hard for me to concentrate. I think it would have been better to scrap some of the dialgue and try to explain what's going on through thoughts and movements. Makes it more cpativating but other than that i thought it was good.

That

This fic was completley different to any other i have read and for that i loved it. I was a bit lost at the beginning of the fic as to who the story was actually based around but after two paragraphs i forgot all about it due to the fantastic writing. It definiltey made me giggle at the end, and i thought the idea was so original. I very much like the idea of a fic of Colleen. Well done.

Broken Beyond Repair

At first i couldn't past that fact that the title reminded me of a car. :lol::P I would say that it was rushed, it felt you were trying to ad it all into the story resulting in it coming out compressed. When i read a fic i like to have time to adjust to ideas of characters and there place within the fic and i felt as if you just kind of threw them together without giving it time to develop.

Coming Home

Apart from it being very cliché i loved it. That's me being very biast towards it being a J&M fic but credit for the writing and structuring of it. You made me laugh a lot and i have to agree with Nicole

I need to know who this author is, because you are brilliant! You're REALLY funny!! You're my god. lol. I love humour, I find fics quite boring without it, and I try to put it in my fics. lol. (not always successful...) And, you got the humour mark STRAIGHT AWAY.

You're brill. *yey*

I will find out who you are! :P

O great i've come to the end i still havn't made up my mind, well this is hard. But i think i'm going to have to go with A Tale of Sinners. The way all the sins were used and the didn't once seem out of place to me was amazing. Well done to all as i really enjoyed reading. :D

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First of all, reviews:

A tale of sinners:

I loved it! The pairing of Henry and Cassie had me a little fazed at first, but I got used to it and saw the true potential of the story. It was beautifully written and at the same time, it was humorous. Perfect! Well done. :)

That:

I really liked this. I was a tad confused at first as to whom the characters were but it soon struck me and I have to say I thought it was great to see something different. It was a rather touching story, I must say.

Coming Home:

Have to agree with sevenpuddings, I wasn’t really feeling the magic that could have been. I suppose after a while, I do get fed up of reading J/M fics, so it’s worse when they’re just fairytales. A good story, just not my cup of tea.

Greed:

LOL, This one made me laugh. It was so…. Unusual. The problem was, I couldn’t actually see any magic within it. You’re a good writer, but unfortunately I just couldn’t feel the spark.

Broken Beyond Repair:

This one was certainly descriptive, lol. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry when I read it, so I found myself squinting to read it. It was a good story, just not what I go for.

Lust:

Not bad. A bit too much speech in there for me. Maybe that’s the problem. I'm not sure. It just doesn’t so t for me. Sorry.

So with all that in mind, I think it’s safe to say my winner is:

A tale of sinners! – Well done! :D

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