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I love music

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  1. I can't give up on him because Irene hasn't and I find Irene much, much easier to write. Don't know about the empathy, I do find it difficult to understand how someone could cover up the crime like that but I guess if I keep seeing it from Irene's viewpoint we should be okay. Anyway, I'll stop commenting in my own thread now and not post in here until next time I update.
  2. Thanks for your nice comments especially about Barry. Out of this whole fic I find him THE most difficult character to write as I have to get inside his head and try to imagine what it's like to have killed someone, buried the body and kept the dark secret for years and it's really tough putting myself in that place as...um...I never killed anybody. I like writing about kids tho, they're easier and sometimes I've been there!
  3. YES!!! I've been struggling with this lately, I've been okay with flashbacks and...um...getting all poetic but it needs more substance and needs its co-writer back. I only just got up tho and I haven't done anything yet apart from having my breakfast. Tea is so good and I have the time so I just had to have a second cup but with kit-kat instead of toast this time. I'm off work today and have to do shopping etc so will pm you later this afternoon.
  4. Nope. I've passed my concerns on to the appropriate authorities and they are currently investigating. Expect a court summons very soon. Seriously, if you have ideas and you're just stuck on how to write it I could probably write some but I couldn't promise how much or when. If you're looking for ideas for the fanfic challenge, just take one of your favourite scenes and write how one of the characters feels, it will inevitably have a build up to it. For instance, one of my fave scenes was when Jade found out about Kane and Kirsty because she overhead Shelley telling Kane he couldn't see her. Seeing as I've already written lots about KK I would prob write Jade's POV, maybe in diary style. Failing that, you can't go wrong if you write about when ppl are kids, we've all been there. I wouldn't worry about writers block. Some authors (like Charles Dickens) might have been able to write with people chatting all around him but 99% of us have to WORK at it all the time. I find all kinds of excuses not to write even when I do have time, especially if it's ages since I've written anything, because I know I'll have to REALLY work. It'll come back.
  5. He wasn't when Sally was a kid. Milko and Milco were separate entities...
  6. Thanks for your reviews. I'm about halfway-three quarters through the next chapter now. So far it's Will/Hayley and Martha/Kane but I WILL work on a Barry/Irene scene as promised too and I'll prob put a Dani cameo in there too. As you can guess, it's pretty long again...2,000+ words and rising...
  7. Yep, it was fantastic to see a light-hearted story for a change. Even tho I've never previously liked the character of Colleen, as well as laughing I actually felt sorry for her when she was so delighted and Alf and Morag were horrified to learn they were related to her. Great episode.
  8. Thanks. I'll be returning to Hayley next chapter and it's way, way past time I returned to what's happening with Will so he'll make a reappearance...not sure who else, if anyone, will pop up yet as I've barely begun it but, just to keep people happy, I can probably - well, hopefully - squeeze a Barry/Irene scene in there too...
  9. Sorry for the long delay in reviewing, Kat, life’s always hectic! Sally's hand no longer shook as she rapped loudly on The Caravan Park door. For the past half hour it was as if a smile had been pasted onto her face and she felt six stone lighter, such was her relief at having finally faced her demons. That’s a great opening, but careful with the wording. The smile “pasted on her face” makes it sound like a false smile. She hadn’t been able to stop smiling would be a better description. ...had hugged Sally so fiercely that she had felt almost as if her body would break with the pressure. It was heart warming though, to see her son so undeniably happy, to see that lost boy she and Flynn had taken in, standing so tall and proud, a man now and a man to be proud of. The happiness had been glowing from every pore of his handsome face and Sally had felt so proud of him as she had watched him leave for the service. She had taken more than the necessary photographs, determined to capture every emotion on a face that she had missed so much over the years. Loved the fierce hug that Ric gave Sally and the pride they both obviously had in each other. The onslaught was continuing but Sally had begun to tune out. The tears were already forming at the back of her eyes and her eyes stung with guilt because she knew what Martha said was true. Martha had every right to say it and Sally deserved to let her get it off her chest so she said nothing but stood there biting her lip as the ferocious tirade continued. "Martha that's enough! This is my wedding and Sally is here because I want her to be so you can just stop having a go at her okay? She's here to walk me down the aisle because I want her to be here, alright?" Cassie stood, hands on hips, looking absolutely heavenly in her beautiful, flawlessly fitted, off white, satin gown, her skirts billowing around her long legs. Poor Sally! It was lovely when Cassie defended her and Anna “shot a glare” at Martha and put a supportive arm round Sally’s waist. "I am here as your guest because I love you and I wouldn't miss your wedding for anything but I don't think I should walk you down the aisle." She had rehearsed this so often in her head but it was a struggle to keep her voice even when faced with the look of desperate hurt in Cassie's eyes. Cassie opened her mouth to protest but Sally silenced her with a look and a gentle kiss on the cheek. I read a lot of Irish authors (Patricia Scanlon, Melissa Hill etc) because I love the way their words flow. It’s hard to say exactly what I mean unless you’ve read any yourself but there are times in your writing when you sound exactly like them. The quoted paragraph above is one of those examples. "Actually there's a change of plan. I'll be walking down the aisle ahead of Cassie," Sally nodded to her daughter, a reassuring smile on her face and Cassie took her cue. "Mr Stewart, would you please do me the honour of giving me away?" Her eyes beamed brightly and Alf looked past her to Sally and a look of understanding passed between them. His words caught in his throat and a solitary tear escaped his eye as he smiled at Sally before taking a deep breath and finding his voice. "Nothing would make me prouder love." Beautiful moment. Staring straight ahead of her she fixed her eyes on Ric, so tall and broad, just as Flynn had been. He smiled at her with such pride, love from a son to his mother seeping from every inch of his familiar face and Sally smiled back at him. In her mind's eye, her husband was at Ric's side. Memories of her own wedding, of towelling robes and pouring rain flitted into her mind and Sally remembered not caring because she had been so in love. He was still with her and she knew that somewhere, wherever he was, he was stood at the head of the altar watching her while her beautiful baby girl danced at her feet. I liked that, Kat. Really liked that. ...and Anna, with her exquisite red hair and a knowing look in her eyes...ever the minx gave her a saucy, knowing wink and flicked her hair in the direction of a handsome member of Ric's grooms party. And that! Ric's eyes shone with love and pure adoration as he watched Cassie's descent on the arm of a man who walked with straight shoulders and an expression of deepest pride on his face. I like Alf being able to walk with straight shoulders and the expression of deepest pride on his face, but again watch the wording. Cassie’s “descent” sounds like she flew down from the church rafters! He watched Cassie being led down the aisle by Alf Stewart mightn’t be very imaginative but it says what it means and means what it says. As the words of the service were spoken by the gentle celebrant Sally's thoughts wandered to her own wedding, her own vows and to her little girl, whose vows she would never hear. I could feel Sally’s emotions there. Nice line. I don't like this. I've had it written for ages but kept putting off posting it because I couldn't get it to a point where I liked it. I've been struggling with my writing of late and nothing I put on paper seemed good enough to end this fic which has possibly been one of my favourites to write. Okay, I’ve done it myself on occasion but NEVER run down your writing before anyone’s had a chance to read it! Think about it. Would you read a book if the author began with “This isn’t much good, but...” or watch a movie if the announcer announced “I don’t know if this movie’s worth watching but...” Let people make up their own minds. Having said that, I can see where your dilemma lay. It has nothing to with the chapter. The chapter is absolutely fine as is the story. It’s only the last line that lets it down. First and last lines are hugely important. So you have : As the celebrant pronounced them husband and wife Sally beamed at everybody in the vicinity and squeezed Mr Stewarts hand tightly. He returned her gesture bestowing her with a ready smile and Sally felt a new found hope wash over her. Which is great - but the last line is weak: She had made her peace with him and in her heart she had finally said goodbye. I’m going to do a very quick edit as I don’t really have time to work much more on it, but see what you think of this (I’m sure you could come up with better lines): She had made her peace. With everyone. Those who belonged to her past and those who belonged to her future. All in all, it was a lovely fic, Kat, and don't let a weak last line colour your whole judgement. ps I'm going to start charging for these detailed critiques!!!
  10. Just read, Kat (Wow, you like to keep people waiting long enough for updates, don't you?!!) Loved the happy ending. Will review properly later in week as it's getting a bit late now and you know me and my sleep..
  11. Well, for anyone who's waiting for the next update I had hoped to have it ready (apart from editing) by this weekend but I'm still working on it. I was writing Kane/Martha and then moving to Gypsy scenes but I think it's best if this is just a Gypsy chapter and I move Kane/Martha forward to the chapter after next. I'm trying to leave myself some free time this weekend so I'll try and get some more work done. With any luck I should have it completed within the week - and you never know, I might even surprised myself and have it ready sooner.
  12. Hey, that's not always how my fics end. One ended with Robbie and Kim deciding to have a baby... Hey, that's not always how my fics end. One ended with Robbie and Kim deciding to have a baby... And if you haven't noticed usually her fics start with them together as well. I think you were joking but just in case you weren’t I’ll reiterate. The above ideas were just examples. For instance, let’s take emmasi’s fic about Robbie and Kim having ended by them deciding to have a baby. This could be the epilogue: Epilogue One Year Later “Ready, steady...go!” Robbie chanted and, laughing, hand in hand the three raced down towards the sea for the seventh or eight time. “Huuup!” Kim grinned as yet again they lifted their small son over another gentle foamy wave and two-year-old Billy squealed in delight as the cold blue water touched his toes. “More! More! More!” He demanded, kicking and splashing. “Gimme a minute, mate!” Kim panted in amusement. “Aw, he’s just old!” Robbie said, scooping a handful of water and throwing it over Kim, making Billy giggle. Kim caught his breath at last and immediately splashed Robbie back while Billy kicked for all he was worth, thoroughly soaking them all. He knew his two Dads wouldn’t mind. They always had heaps of fun together. Other kids in the kindy only had one Mum or one Dad. Some had one of each. But Billy was special. He had two Dads. Robbie grinned at Kim over their little boy’s head as they all turned back again ready for another mad race to the shore. Having a kid was more exhausting than either of them had ever dreamt but also the most rewarding. The moment they heard they’d been allocated a child had been the most special of their lives. The little boy they had adopted had blond curly hair and eyes as blue as the sea itself and strangers often mistook Robbie or Kim for his biological father. “You ever regret anything?” Robbie asked pensively, wiping a splash from his ever-present glasses and thinking back over all they’d been through. “Not for a second. We were meant to be,” Kim declared firmly as two seagulls, their silver wings glinting in the golden sunlight, circled overhead and once more the little family of three ran down to the sparkling water. See, although an epilogue is usually used to tie up loose ends, in this case the epilogue doesn’t take the story any further forward, it’s simply a glimpse of the future and a nice image to leave readers with. Hope that helps anyone who wasn’t sure.
  13. An epilogue doesn't ALWAYS have to be used just to tie up the loose ends of a story. It can also be used as a way to round off a story and leave the reader with the awwww factor by showing a glimpse of the future. For instance, your story has just ended with Jack and Martha getting married (or, in emmasi's case, Robbie and Kim getting together ) and nothing has been left unaccounted for. The epilogue could show the couple on holiday, walking hand in hand through the pouring rain in England's Lake District but not caring that it's raining, or sitting together in St Mark's Square in Venice watching the world go by and guessing about the people.
  14. I thought A Simple Misunderstanding a great title too, it's very original. Cerise, don't limit yourself to song titles. Think of the poetry you've done in school/college as well. I've used, before now, Promises to Keep (Robert Frost poem) and What Dreams May Come (well known line from a Shakespeare sonnet). I thought I was being very original but if you do a google search loads of people have used the same titles for fanfic or original fics but I still liked the titles. Or, if you know how the fic is going to pan out, use a title from the end - eg I always knew (without having a clue how I was going to get there ) that little Sally would stay several years after tellingl Pippa she was going to call for a few days so I gave it the title Sally Called! Hope these ideas are of some help to you.
  15. Totally agree, I HATE the storyline of her planning a cold-blooded murder! it's meant to be a soap about ordinary, everyday people, for God's sake, not a horror movie. I only started re-watching EE a few weeks back after a long break because I was sick of all the gangster type stories and thought it had improved drastically but the Max/Tanya story is dragging it down. I LOVE the story of Heather and Minty tho and how she's falling in love with him.
  16. Thanks, I don't think anybody else liked it. No more reviews either here or on fanfic.net. ETA: Ah, well, not to worry, I'm going to watch High School Musical 2 now.
  17. That describes my favourite type of story, I prefer emotional stories to car chases, murders and stalkers etc [yawn]. Glad to see that you are still thinking about these characters I can’t stand car chases, murders and stalker type storylines either, I hate stories that have to rely on shock value to try and entertain. When I wrote “not a great deal happens” I was commenting on the fact that a story should have a beginning, a middle and an end. I like Eli’s writing and as a snapshot of the lives of Geoff and Lucas it works well enough.
  18. It was as if the sound of the drawer closing and him collapsing back in to the stack of pillows again filled the entire room and echoed back from the walls. The last few gleams of sunlight were making their way through the thin, flower-patterned curtains; not orange like they should have been at this time of the day, but pale and weak. The sound of a door closing, a car pulling out of the driveway, and he was alone again. Only it felt like he had been alone for weeks now. I really LOVED that beginning, Eli. Great description. “Geoff, it’s Lucas,” he said, and Geoff got the feeling he was trying very hard to pretend he didn’t know something more had been going on between Geoff and his youngest son before Lucas had left for uni, “He wants to talk to you.” I really like the way you’ve conveyed he knows his Dad knows and his Dad knowing he knows while they pretend not to know!!! I reckon that would probably happen with a lot with parents in this situation. “I don’t need him,” said Aden, just as coldly, “But speaking of Lucas; that’s why you’re all teary-eyed, isn’t it? Do you miss your boyfriend?” “Yeah,” Geoff almost whispered, not taking his eyes off Aden for a second, “So what if I do?” Aden stared at him, and for the first time it didn’t look like he knew what to say or do. The truth had been a more powerful weapon than any verbal attack. The pale light of the afternoon found its way through the frosted glass in the door as well, and the dark shade blocking the pale light revealed Aden standing there, paralyzed for a few seconds before he walked away. Nice touch, the way Geoff admits to his feelings instead of denying the relationship as Aiden expects him to. It was as if the sound of the drawer closing, hiding the picture of Lucas Holden in it, filled the entire room and echoed back from the walls as the last gleams of pale sunlight faded away and chased away the summer; making room for whatever season it was that would come tomorrow morning. Great descriptive ending too! If I have a criticism of this story it’s just that not a great deal happens. But as a one-shot it’s fine.
  19. ETA: Just found out Irene's maiden name was McFarlane (thanks to lissieke for the info ). Bit too late to edit now but will edit the name tomorrow.
  20. Does anyone know what Irene's surname would have been before she ever married? (I'm assuming she married, I think she's Mrs Roberts, isn't she? )
  21. Try this: It was years ago now but Sophie could remember every little thing about that night as clearly as if it happened only yesterday. Their conversaton, the rain pattering down, the smell of the sea. She took a deep breath. The emotions were still so raw. "This is how it began..." she said. Hope that helps! (I don't know the name of your character so I just invented one. )
  22. Tears were running unchecked down his cheeks, his eyes were cloudy and colourless, as if all light had gone from them. Those eyes didn’t belong to him, they weren’t how she remembered, they had no spirit, no life. He sat before her, changed beyond recognition and the feeling of guilt burnt a hole in her... Such a beautifully poignant scene between Sally and Alf, Kat. She fixed her eyes instead on the cold marble of the gravestone where her husband and daughter lay. Every fibre of her being believed they were together and happy but she missed them still so bitterly, it was like a physical ache in her heart. Nobody should ever lose anybody but to love a beloved husband and then a precious only daughter. Sinking to the ground Sally dug her hands onto the hard, sun dried earth, grasping desperately for something or someone to hold on to. That really conveyed Sally’s grief for me. “I’m so sorry I left the way I did, I should have stayed, I know that now but at the time, I just couldn’t bear it.” She let her breath go in short rasps. “It wasn’t your fault but I blamed you. Can you ever forgive me?” She looked at him finally, pleading with him but still unable to meet his eyes. She hated the hurt she knew she’d see there and hated knowing that she had put it there. “Oh Sal, if anyone should be saying sorry love, it’s me.” His voice was so familiar, a huge part of her past and all of a sudden she realised just how much she had missed him. “What I did… I’ve never forgiven myself.” He hadn’t moved from his kneeling position but he shifted now uncomfortably, spreading his legs out from underneath him, his movements weary, like those of someone who simply didn’t have the energy to move faster. He let out a long shuddering breath but still stared steadfastly at the gravestone, refusing to look at her. Sally said nothing. It was his turn to talk. I really liked the emotional conversation and the description of Alf. the memories were like a non-stop slideshow before her eyes but they were good memories and it no longer hurt to see them. I’m not too sure “a non-stop slide-show before her eyes” is a description that suits the occasion, it somehow gives an impression of action-packed holidays. This is a slow, sad scene and should be reflected in the writing eg Memories flooded through her heart, good memories it no longer hurt to recall She blinked away the tears and wiped her face resolutely. She gulped in a breath of crisp, clear air, the smell of the Ocean infiltrating her senses, giving her strength. The sun’s warm rays were smiling down on her skin and she could almost feel Flynn’s love wrap like an envelope around her heart. She finally turned to look at him and caught him watching her in an unguarded moment. His every emotion visible on his face and she could read him like a book, just as she always had. He responded by pulling her more firmly into his arms, the two of them locked together in their united grief. After so many years of bitterness and pent up anger, they were both finally starting to come to terms with what they had lost and comforting each other. It was what they should have done all those years ago, what her selfishness had deprived them of. Beautiful lines, Kat. “I’m glad you came back Sal, you were like a daughter to me and I’ve really missed you. I’m so sorry for what I did, for driving you away.” He was gentling her hair, just as he had done as a child and Sally nuzzled closer to him, feeling his strong arms wrap their warmth around her. Eyes shut and with the sun warming her skin and his arms around her Sally felt a wave of peace wash over her body like the waves of the distant surf as it immersed her completely. “I’ve missed so much because of my stupid bitterness. I’ve been a fool.” She bit her lip anxiously and wiped the last trace of tears from her face. Her shoulders felt lighter, a huge millstone had been lifted from around her neck and suddenly it felt as if her heart was singing. It was as if she was noticing things for the first time, how blue and clear the sky was, how golden the sun and how it lit up some areas of the land and thrust others into shadow. It painted pictures of red and gold on the sand strewn path, the grass seemed greener somehow, fresher and the marble of the stone like a halo of white, pure and innocent, like those who lay beneath it. I had a tough time trying to pick out the best descriptions out of the above and in the end I had to go for ALL of them, BUT I have to add... “The sun’s getting higher, I think that means this wedding’s getting closer, aren’t you meant to be walking Cassie down the aisle love?” It was the first words of general conversation they had spoken to each other in so many years and Sally knew she would always remember them ... this is perfect! Above them the sun glowed in the sky and a solitary seagull could be heard. Suddenly everything was once again alright with the world. Ideal sentence on which to end a chapter. And BTW it was worth waiting so long for the update!
  23. Sorry to take so long to review, Eli. I’ve moved to a new department in work and I’m getting home later and later and later... For me, your best chapters were chapters 2 and 3. This was where we really got to know people: Leah’s exasperation on the phone, the revelation Hayley had to “hide in the laundry room” to avoid spoiling the surprise, and then that tender scene with Tasha and Robbie. That strong characterization carried on to Chapter 3, which also had a great cliffhanger ending. This was a strong story, really well written and with great dialogue. However, I think it might have worked better if we’d had a main character ie told generally from his/her viewpoint tho, as this was about whether or not Robbie had killed Tasha and Josie, it obviously couldn’t have been Robbie. I did think at the beginning the main character was going to be Pia Correlli and perhaps one of the detectives might have been the best choice for this as they were, in effect, telling the story. But with the absence of a main character it was a little too detached. The beginning was interesting, particularly the switch from the crime scene to how it all began. The ending was good too, everything tied into place, and the light-hearted remark about the forthcoming commitment ceremony. (Sorry, but I still don’t like that title - “Pain Relief” sounds like a medical book! ) All in all, a good read.
  24. Eli, it's a bit late now but I'll read and review some time later this week.
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