Found out today that early this morning my niece died. She was on her way home from work and a car hit her.
I am not really an emotionally ... umm ... really can't think of the word, but like a person who deals well with emotions. I just don't seem to react to things like this outwardly, unlike the rest of my family who seem to enjoy (not enjoy, that's harsh, but gain I can't think of the word) discussing it all the time. It really makes me uneasy when they do this.
I mean of course I'm very upset that this has happened, more so for my sister than anyone else, I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling right now. I just don't really understand grief though, it tends to come out as aggression. I don't want to be like this around my family, but equally, I don't want them judging me because I'm not "sharing" my favourite memories.
A good friend of mine died earlier this year of anorexia. My mum and I were quite involved. No-one would believe me when I told them she must have anorexia, I don't know if they thought I was lying or if it was just too hard to admit too. I was the same with the grief then. I just can't deal with it so I shut down.
I haven't visited my sister yet, and although it only happened today, I'm afraid she'll think that I don't care, even if I do go round to see her.
Sorry for dumping this on everyone here, but I just can't talk to my family, or my boyfriend or anyone else about it. If I talk to m boyfriend, I'll cry and never stop. Fortunately he's the only person in the world I feel emotionally stable around, but unfortunately he's on the other side of the country right now. I don't really know what to do.