Caged

[Ludub]

Title: Caged

Type of Fic: Long Fiction

Main Characters: Josh & Kyle, The Braxtons, & other characters not in the show.

Genre: Drama / Psychological Thriller (with scenes of same sex romance)

BTTB Rating:  A

Does it contain spoilers: No for Australia (maybe for UK pace?)

Warnings: Adult Themes, Violence/Death, Sexual Content. 

(I will give additional warnings at the start of each chapter if necessary)

Summary: Josh has been arrested after going on the run with Andy and now he’s been sentenced to an even longer stint in prison. He’s found himself without his big brother’s protection and is trying to find his feet in a maximum-security prison with some of Australia’s toughest criminals. How is he going to cope?

 

Chapter 1

Josh stood in his cell and listened to the footsteps disappearing into the distance. The door had been shut with a loud metallic clang and a bolt drawn across as though to emphasise the miserable reality of his situation. Prison! His heart was pounding now like it had never done before and he’d begun to feel very short of breath. ‘This is it’ he thought to himself, ’28 years in a cage like some kind of animal… I’m not going to make it through this… I don’t even know if I want to.’ He turned and looked at the body that lay in the top bunk. He was an older man in a white singlet who looked to be about fifty years old and had a multitude of tattoos on his sweaty looking body. They had a bunk bed, a metal toilet for the two of them to share, and a bookcase with a few of the man’s meagre possessions.

“We gonna have any trouble?” asked the man, speaking in what Josh took to be a Russian accent, “You tough guy?” The man swung himself up into a sitting position so his heavily tattooed legs were dangling off the bed. Even from where Josh stood, he could see that this was a very large and muscular man. The mattress was sagging under his enormous weight and making the lower bunk a very claustrophobic prospect. Sucking at his eye tooth in an exaggerated way, the man looked him up and down, and raised one eyebrow at him. “Well?!”

Josh shook his head and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Good” said the older man, “You know when to shut up and don’t give me no trouble…” he said grinning at him and showing off a number of gold teeth, “Alexei can be real nice…. But you get on my nerves? Alexei not so nice…. We understand each other?”

Josh nodded again. This was exactly what he had expected prison to be like. How was he going to spend the next 28 years locked up with people like this?!

“You answer me when I speak to you!” said Alexei, narrowing his eyes at him, “You can talk… yes?!”

“Yes” said Josh, coughing a little because his voice was choked with fear, “Yes, we understand each other… I won’t give you any trouble.”

Alexei clapped his hands together and threw him another smile. “Good!” he said, jumping down off the bed and clapping his hand on Josh’s shoulder. He was significantly taller than him and about twice the width! He leaned down and brought his face very close to Josh’s. He stared him in the eye for what seemed like a very long time as though he was sizing him up. “Boo!” he shouted suddenly, causing Josh to nearly jump out of his skin. “Hah!” roared Alexei, laughing and smiling like a maniac, “You little Fish! …So jumpy!”

Josh stood staring like a rabbit caught in the headlights. He was on the verge of a panic attack but he was trying not to show it. They’d put him in a cell with a crazy man who liked to speak in the third person and who seemed to want to scare the crap out of him. His heart was beating so fast now, and the man was standing so close to him, that he was sure that he'd be able to hear it. The sheer size of this man that he was now trapped with was enough to scare anyone! He really didn’t know what to say!

“You very quiet… New Fish?” said Alexei, patting him on the cheek in a way that lingered just a little too long for comfort, “You scared of Alexei?”

Josh shook his head and tried to smile. He had no idea what the right answer to that question was.

“Good!” laughed Alexei, leaning in and taking his face in both hands. To Josh’s horror, the man planted a kiss on each cheek. “Maybe New Fish and Alexei will be good friends.” He gave Josh’s face one last squeeze, forcing his mouth into a sort of trout pout and laughed again, “You have nice mouth.”

With that he wandered over to the metal toilet. He took his trousers down, exposing a large hairy backside, before turning and seating himself with a self-satisfied smile. “Prison food not so good” he laughed, staring at him as the sound effects began.

The metal toilet left absolutely nothing to the imagination and Josh grimaced and looked away. He didn’t know where to put himself. This was an absolute nightmare! ‘Why didn’t I just kill myself?’ he asked himself, as he tried to ignore the sound and smell of Alexei’s bowel movements, ‘I could have just hanged myself at that farmhouse when I had the chance …I could have slit my wrists.’ He didn’t know what to do. The lower bunk was obviously his bed, so maybe he should just go and lie down, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to move. What on earth was he going to do?!

 

*****

 

“Out of the way, Fish!” grunted one of the other inmates as he shoved him out of the queue for the mess hall. He tried to step back into line but he found himself being jostled out of the way and shoved. Eventually after about ten large men who looked like they probably belonged to a gang of white supremacists had made their presence known, he sheepishly stepped back into the line and shuffled along with everyone else.

He picked up his tray and held it out when he eventually arrived at the serving window, and a mush of brown beef something or other, along with a white potato-like substance, was slopped onto the tray. He nodded at the man serving and moved along after everyone else. The mess hall was enormous and deafening and he had no idea where to go to sit down. It was just a sea of angry looking men in green tracksuits. He looked for an empty table and kept his head down as he made his way towards it. Sliding onto the bench seat that was bolted to the ground, he looked around him to make sure that he hadn’t attracted undue attention, and that Alexei wasn’t anywhere in the vicinity. With a little sigh, and blinking as he started to tear up a little, he picked up his fork. He was tired and hungry and feeling very emotional. Last night had been a nightmare of gargantuan proportions but he’d made it through somehow. Just another 28 years (minus one day) to go…

“Hey! Fish!” barked a loud voice, as a number of large tattooed men sat down and crushed in around him at the table, “What’s that you’re eating there?!”

He didn’t even have enough time to look up before the one sitting closest to him grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his face down in his tray of food. His face hit the tray with such force that he was sure his nose was broken and his eyes stung and filled with tears. Two of the others had taken hold of his arms and had them pinned down across the table. He couldn’t move.

“Rookie mistake, New Fish!” growled the man, bringing his face down to Josh’s level as he struggled to lift his head. His nose was filled with mashed potato and blood, and he was struggling to breathe, and choking because of the pressure on his neck. “This is our table” he growled at him, digging his fingers into the back of his neck, “You don’t sit here… Not unless you ask nicely.”

“Really nicely” smirked another, winking at him and blowing him a little kiss in a suggestive way.

“Maybe the New Fish wants to apologise?” sneered the man holding the back of his neck, “Maybe he wants to tell us how sorry he is for being so disrespectful?” He smiled at him and pressed on the back of his neck even harder, “Is that what you want to say? Eh, New Fish?”

“I’m sorry” spluttered Josh, struggling to speak because his face was buried in gravy and mashed potato, “I’m really sorry!”

“Speak up! We can’t hear you!” sang the man, smiling from ear to ear as he looked around the other laughing faces.

“I’m sorry!” he grunted as loudly as he could manage, “It won’t happen again! I’m sorry!”

With that, the man let go of his neck and yanked his head back up by his hair. “That’s right!” he said, throwing his arm around his shoulder, “It won’t! …But I think we’ll need to take some payment… Rent, you might say… for the time you spent sitting here… I mean, you can’t expect to take up valuable real estate like this and then just walk away?” He turned to smile at Josh as he sat there trembling with mashed potato, gravy, and blood all over his face. “I mean, you can see where we’re coming from, can’t you?”

Josh looked around all the faces of the men at the table and wondered what kind of ‘payment’ they were talking about. Many of the men had Swastika tattoos in plain sight, but a few of them seemed to be looking at him like a dog looks at its dinner. They might as well have been salivating. He glanced at the man sitting beside him with eyes wide with fear. He was more out of his depth than he’d ever been in his life and all he wanted was for Andy to be here with him.

“I’m sure we can come to some arrangement!” laughed the man, leaning in a little closer to whisper in his ear in a mock seductive tone, “Don’t worry… We’ll be gentle…”

“No!” shouted Josh, trying to free his arms and get away from them, “I’m not doing that!”

“Relax, princess!” said the man beside him, grabbing him by the hair again and laughing at the pure terror on Josh’s face, “Couple of packs of smokes’ll do it!” He turned to look at the guys at his table and shook his head in mock disappointment. “Honestly, these New Fish! All you try to do is have a quiet chat to them… Help them see how things are done around here, and they run around screaming blue murder like we’re all rapists!” He put his hand on his chest in a camp sort of way and shook his head at Josh again, “I for one am mortally offended!”

“Cigarettes?!” asked Josh, thinking that it seemed incredibly cliché. Did prisoners really trade in cigarettes?! Where was he supposed to get those?!

“Yes, ‘cigarettes’!” repeated the guy beside him, in a ‘duh!’ kind of tone, “I expect you to have them for me tomorrow!” With that, he shoved him off the bench and swiped his tray onto the floor. “Be a dear and pick that up” he said, smiling at him sweetly before turning back to the others and starting up a new conversation.

Josh crouched down and shakily scraped what he could back onto the tray before heading as quickly as he could for the door. ‘Making friends already’ he thought to himself as he wiped the potato from his bruised and broken face, ’and it’s only just begun.’

As he walked out through the doorway, he wondered what to do with himself. He could either go back to his cell and have to deal with Alexei, or he could go to the recreation yard and run the risk of making even more new ‘friends’. The only other option was the library. He figured that that might be somewhere that he could hide out until he had to go back to his cell for lockdown. Maybe he could find a corner and just curl up in a ball where no-one would bother him? He started to make his way along the hallway, towards the library, desperately hoping not to cross paths with anyone too scary along the way. He was so distracted by his own thoughts that he didn’t even see the man walking towards him and walked straight into him at great force.

“Hey!” exclaimed the man, giving him a shove backwards. He hadn’t been paying attention either. “Watch where you’re going!” he warned him.

“I’m sorry!” grunted Josh, looking up and desperately begging himself not to start crying. He’d already shown how weak and pathetic he was to everyone in that mess hall. He didn’t need to add crying to the mix. “Oh, my God!” he gasped, as he suddenly realised that he recognised the man in front of him, “Kyle!”

“Josh?!” exclaimed Kyle, looking shocked and then excitedly throwing his arms around him, “I didn’t even… I didn’t know! …What happened?!”

“Oh, my God!” said Josh, hugging Kyle tighter than he’d ever hugged anyone, “I can’t believe you’re here!”

Kyle pulled away from the hug and looked at him with concern. “What happened?! How did you end up in here?!”

[Ludub]

Thanks for the kind comments everyone. There's a saying that Irish people have no idea how to make a long story short and I think that might be true. This will probably take more than 4 chapters to tell... Maybe... we'll see.... Anyway, hope you like it! 

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!!!

 

Chapter 2

 

"Okay, come on..." said Kyle, motioning for him to sit down on the lower bunk in his cell while he wet a wash cloth at the small metal sink.  Josh was standing with his back against the wall, hugging his arms around his chest, and staring out through the doorway in a fearful sort of way. It was clear that he was incredibly jumpy. Everything about his body language said that he was scared out of his wits.

Josh glanced at Kyle and shook his head. He wanted to stay standing in case he needed to make a run for it. He’d seen those guys with the Swastika tattoos watching as he’d followed Kyle to his cell and he was worried that they were going to come get him at any moment.

"Look, Josh... will you just sit down?” said Kyle, shaking his head at him, “There's nowhere else for you to sit…"

“What if…” he began to say, going to the door to check that no-one was coming, “What if those guys… What if they come for me?!”

Kyle turned to look at him with a sympathetic little head tilt. “Josh, just take a breath, will ya?” he said, “They’re not coming for you… If they’d wanted to really hurt you, they would have.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, blinking frantically to stop the tears from coming. He’d been fighting the urge to cry since he’d arrived last night but it felt like the dam was about to burst. He hadn’t really slept in months.

“Yes, Josh… I’m sure.“ he said, giving him a gentle little smile as he pointed to the lower bunk again, “Now, sit.”

"Uhhh… okay" he mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the bed and jittering his knee up and down. He fidgeted a bit, not knowing where to put his hands before deciding to sit on them. “Thanks, Kyle” he said quietly.

“That’s okay” replied Kyle, kneeling down in front of him with a mug of water and a washcloth. “Here” he said, handing him the washcloth, “Your face is a bit… It’s a bit of a mess.”

He nodded at him and took the cloth. As he washed away the gravy and potato, and congealed blood, he became painfully aware that his nose was very definitely broken. He couldn’t even really breathe through it anymore, even when he’d managed to blow out all the mashed potato.

“I think that’s broken” said Kyle, grimacing a little at the sight of it, “I can try to reset it for you if you want?”

Josh nodded and braced himself. He gave a loud grunt as Kyle crunched the bone back into position. “Thanks” he spluttered, as he brought the cloth up to stem the new flow of blood.

“That’s okay” said Kyle, opening a little box from under his bed and pulling out a small packet of biscuits. “Here” he said, smirking a little, “You probably didn’t get to eat much of your lunch since it looks like you’re wearing most of it!”

Josh took the little packet of biscuits and held it in his shaking hands. He suddenly began to cry.

“Mate!” exclaimed Kyle, sitting down beside him and putting his arm around him, “It’s gonna be okay… First couple of days are the hardest… but at least I’m here.”

“Thanks” said Josh, leaning into Kyle’s hug and blinking to try to stifle his tears. He was embarrassed but in this moment he really just needed someone to tell him that things were going to be alright. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you!” he said.

“C’mon” said Kyle, taking the packet of biscuits back off him to open them, “Get those into you… You’ll feel better when you have something in your stomach.”

Josh began to try to eat, but he was crying so much at this stage that he was nearly choking on the biscuits. “Sorry, Kyle” he mumbled through his tears, as he wiped at them angrily with the heel of one hand, “This is so embarrassing!” He looked towards the door in a fearful way in case anyone out there was watching.

“You think I haven’t had a good blub?!” laughed Kyle, “You think those men out there haven’t?! …Some of the hardest men cry themselves to sleep in here, night after night… No-one wants to be locked up.”

Josh looked up at Kyle and gave a shuddering little sigh. “28 years, Kyle…” he said, grimacing again, “I’m gonna be in here for 28 years…”

“Christ!” exclaimed Kyle, furrowing his brows at him, “What’d you do?! Take out the whole of Summer Bay with a machine gun or something?!”

“Manslaughter” he mumbled, “I killed Charlotte… It was an accident but the courts didn’t care about that.”

"You killed Charlotte?!" he repeated, sounding surprised, “Wait, Charlotte Charlotte? It was you?!”

"Yeah" said Josh, crossing his arms across his chest because he still didn't know what to do with his hands. "It was an accident" he said again, glancing quickly at Kyle and then looking away again.

"How do you accidentally shoot someone?!" asked Kyle, giving a little snort of disbelief, "Actually, how does a blind man shoot someone?!"

Josh turned to look at him again for a moment with a guilty expression. "I uh... I got my sight back that night... I wasn't blind anymore."

"So, wait… You lied to us?!" demanded Kyle, looking less than impressed with his friend, "You had us looking after you for days when you didn't really need us?"

"I was scared" said Josh, flushing a little red in the face, "I just panicked, and then I couldn't take it back."

"So... wait… I can’t… I can’t get my head around this…” he said, furrowing his brows at him, “You’d been blind for months and you just suddenly got your sight back?”

“Yeah” said Josh, flushing an even brighter shade of red, “It was just shapes at first but then it just flooded back.”

“So… you got your sight back” he repeated, staring at Josh in shock, “…and your first thought was to go after Charlotte?!"

"No" sighed Josh, wiping at his teary eyes, "I wanted to tell people... I wanted to show Andy and everyone that I could see again. I wanted to get out of the house! …I tried calling Andy but he wasn't picking up so I thought I'd see if he was at the surf club. I wasn't really thinking about anything other than the fact I could see again. But then... then I... I saw Charlotte on my way there... She was there right in front of me... and I... I didn't plan it." He stared at the ground as he spoke, reliving the events of that awful night and beginning to shake a little. It wasn't something that he liked to think about, and for months he'd tried to blank it out and pretend that it hadn't happened. "I thought maybe... maybe I could persuade her to leave... Threaten her, I guess..."

Kyle gave a little snort and shook his head. "How did you think you were going to 'persuade' Charlotte King to do anything she didn't want to do? That woman was a total psycho!"

"I know... It was stupid" sighed Josh, "I didn't think it through at all... I just saw her and reacted." He still didn't know why he'd gone there. He could have just kept on walking and everything would have still been okay. He wouldn't be locked up for the best part of his life, and Andy might not be spending the rest of his life behind bars either. It was all such a mess... and it was his fault. One snap decision had destroyed everything! "Before I knew it" he continued, "...she'd pulled a gun on me" He continued to stare at the floor in a wide-eyed sort of way as the scene played out in front of him like a movie of someone else's life. Even now his stomach gave a violent lurch when he thought of the sheer panic that he'd felt that night. "I grabbed it... I grabbed the gun... but she wouldn't let go. I was just trying to stop her. She was going to shoot me... and I was scared… I mean, she was trying to... She wanted to kill me… and I don't know... It all just happened so quickly... We fought... and... it... it just went off"

“God, Josh!” groaned Kyle, leaning back against the wall and pulling his feet up on the mattress. "Why didn't you tell the police what happened?!” he asked, in a pleading tone, “They might have believed you?"

"I doubt it" said Josh, staring at the floor, "but I shouldn't have tried to cover it up... I do know that."

Kyle shook his head at him a little sadly. "Why did you?" he asked, wondering what he would have done himself in that situation. It was very easy to sit back and say 'Of course, I would have held my hands up' but who knew what someone would do once the panic set in? Maybe he would have tried to hide it too. Maybe anyone would.

"I don't know" he said, turning to look at Kyle with tear-filled eyes, "Cowardice, I suppose... I had my phone out... I was going to call them... and then I just started running… I ran and I ran... and by the time I got home, I didn't know what to do. I just hid in my room. I figured they'd come for me. The police would be there soon... Of course, they'd come!... I was sure of it! …But then they didn't... and everyone was still treating me like I was blind… and I don’t know why I did it… but I let them... and it seemed like a good way to cover… and suddenly it was too late to turn back... I just didn't know how to... to say it." He looked up at Kyle with a pained expression and shrugged his shoulders at him. “When people believe the first lie, it’s easier to keep on lying?” he said, “But it’s exhausting.”

"You tell one lie" sighed Kyle, "and suddenly you find yourself drowning in them?"

"Yeah" he said, nodding slowly, "Even when they arrested Zac... I just... I came really close to handing myself in one day... I did… but I just... I was just too scared." He looked around the miserable little cell that they were sitting in and gave a sad little laugh. "Too scared of this!"

Kyle looked around the cell too and nodded a little sadly. It was a very depressing place to spend your days but it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it might be. He’d gotten used to it at this stage and he'd been pretty lucky with his cellmate up until now. Although that was about to change.

Josh turned to look at the whitewashed brick wall on the inside of Kyle’s lower bunk. There were a number of family photos pinned there. The biggest one featured all four Braxton boys and their partners at the time. There were a couple of him and Phoebe together when they were younger, and a couple of him with Brax in the restaurant at Angelo’s, as well as a few with Ricky. There was another of him sitting on the beach holding Casey where he had a huge smile on his face. There was even one of him with Josh and Andy from before the head injury. It seemed sad that his whole life outside these walls had just been reduced to this small collection of photos. "I thought Brax or someone would have told you about me and Andy?" he asked, half-heartedly nibbling on one of the biscuits, "Didn't they tell you we'd gone on the run?" 

"They don't really visit" said Kyle, chewing on his bottom lip and looking a little hurt, "They did at the beginning but you know what they say, ‘out of sight, out of mind’"

"I don't have anyone to visit me now" said Josh, starting to tear up again, "I won't see Andy for 28 years... We'll be little old men... if we make it that long."

"Where's he?" asked Kyle, looking at him sympathetically.

“In some Supermax prison up in Brisbane” said Josh, feeling like he might throw up, “…He got 36 years.”

“Jesus!” gasped Kyle, “You guys don’t do things by halves, do you?!” Suddenly his ten year bit just didn’t seem so bad! “For Pirovic?” he asked, thinking that a 36 year sentence seemed excessive for the murder of a low-life like him.

Josh nodded and started to chew nervously on his fingernail again. “So you didn’t hear about the explosion then?” he asked.

“No?” said Kyle, wondering how he could have been left so out of the loop in such a short space of time. Ricky and Brax hadn’t mentioned any of this to him the last time they’d been here.

“There was an explosion at a fundraiser thing that Roo organised…” explained Josh, “…and they pinned the blame on Andy… He got in a fight with Tank and… I guess he knocked over some faulty gas canister or something… and… well… Hannah and Oscar died.”

Kyle sat looking at him for a moment with a dazed expression. This was a lot to take in and he really didn’t know what to say. What else had he missed since he’d been gone?! Was there even anyone left in the Bay that he knew?!

“Maddy lost her arm too” said Josh, frowning down at the ground, “It was horrible… just carnage!”

“God!” said Kyle, “They were such good people, all of them… They really didn’t deserve that.”

“I know” sighed Josh, “It shouldn’t have happened… Evie’s devastated… I mean, she’s basically lost everyone… including me.”

 “What about Evie?” he asked, “Is she not going to pay you a visit every now and then?”

“I let her go” said Josh, clenching his jaw as he tried not to start crying again, “Made up some stupid story about having a new girlfriend… like I’d somehow hooked up with someone on the run… Pretty ridiculous really, but I couldn’t have her hanging around on the outside waiting for me.” He wiped at his bloody nose again with the wash cloth and grimaced, “I couldn’t deal with having her come see me here when I know I’m never getting out… Not alive anyway.”

“Don’t talk like that!” said Kyle, ruffling his hair in an affectionate way, “It will get easier… but you were probably right to let her go.”

Josh nodded and set the biscuits down beside him on the bed. Somehow he didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. “I don’t think I can do this” he said quietly, “Not for 28 years!”

“Yes, you can” replied Kyle, with a little shrug, “It becomes the norm after a while. You settle in… and I guess you just give up… you give up thinking about what life was like before… or what you’ll do when you get out…. You just get on with things… Once you do that, it gets easier.” He ran his hand through his hair and gave a little sigh.

“I don’t think I can” said Josh, hanging his head again, “I can’t spend another night in that cell… not with him.”

 “Who’s your cellmate?!” he asked, looking at him in a worried sort of way, “Has something happened?!”

 

*****

 

‘Oh God, not again!’ thought Josh, as he heard the bed springs violently creaking above him, ‘How many times can one man need to use the toilet?!’ Alexei had already been up at least four times during the night and had filled the cell with unbelievably noxious fumes and unpleasant sound effects each time. It looked like this was going to be trip to the toilet number 5! How was he ever going to get any sleep?! Apart from anything else, the mattress above him was sagging so much with Alexei’s excessive weight, that he had very little space in his bed below. It was unbelievably claustrophobic and he feared that at any moment the bed might give way and he’d end up crushed between the two bedframes! Added to that, Alexei’s loud trumpet-like snoring, and it was nearly impossible to sleep.

He pulled his arms around himself and turned to face the wall. He knew that Alexei was sitting on the toilet only a few feet away but he was trying with all his might to pretend that he wasn’t there. He started mentally drawing pictures in his head. Anything to try to distract himself.

The toilet flushed and he heard Alexei give a loud hacking cough and spit something in the sink. Was this ever going to end?! ‘Please, just go back to bed!’ he pleaded with him silently as he lay there with his back to him, ‘Just climb back into bed and go to sleep, you disgusting excuse for a human being!’

Suddenly the weight on his own mattress shifted and he felt Alexei climb in beside him. “Maybe New Fish and Alexei will be good friends, eh?!” he whispered, softly stroking Josh’s hair behind his ear, "You have nice hair".

“No!” gasped Josh, scrambling as quickly as he could down the bed, and out the end, until he was up on his feet. “No!” he repeated, glaring at the disgusting sweaty man now lying in his bed, “That’s not happening!”

“Maybe not tonight” said Alexei, grinning at him as he lay on his bed in only a pair of boxer shorts, “But, Alexei? …He think Little Fish will change his mind very soon”

Josh backed away and watched in horror as Alexei clambered back to his feet and began to move towards him. Suddenly he was crushed up against the iron door with Alexei’s heavy body pressed against him. His heart was thumping now as the adrenalin coursed through his body. Everything in his being was telling him to run but there was nowhere to run to! “No” he said again, shaking as the large figure loomed over him, “Please, Alexei?! No!”

“Alexei not rapist” he said, shaking his head at him with a very unsettling sort of grin, “But New Fish will find out… Alexei can be very… persuasive.”

[Ludub]

Thanks everyone for their very kind comments (and to Suzza and Jarlie whose comments I haven't had a chance to reply to, glad you liked the previous chapter! x).

So... this story's a bit different... Hope you like it  (also I think the formatting on this chapter might be a little odd because I'm using a tablet instead of my laptop to load it so, sorry!)

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

 

Chapter 3

"Man, your family is complicated!" exclaimed Aaron, as he sat at the canteen table with Kyle.
"I guess" replied Kyle, keeping a close eye on the doorway.
“I mean, how do you keep track of who’s related to who?!” he continued to tease, flashing him a mischievous little smile.
"Aren't most families complicated these days?" asked Kyle, rolling his eyes at him before gazing back towards the door. He was starting to worry because Josh hadn't made an appearance yet and most of the men from his floor had already come in for breakfast. Josh had been terrified about going back to his cell, and he couldn’t really blame him. Not now that he knew who his cellmate was! He just hoped that he’d made it through the night unscathed. 
"Yeah, but yours seems more complicated than most...” laughed Aaron in a teasing sort of way, “I mean, do you have a Venn diagram or something?! It would help."  
"Very funny" said Kyle, glancing at him with a little smirk and rolling his eyes again, “It’s not that complicated!”
Aaron raised his eyebrows a little mockingly. "So, this kid is the brother of one of your brothers, who wasn't really your brother?" he asked, stealing a piece of toast off Kyle's tray with a mischievous little wink, "The one you tried to kill?!"
"Yeah..." said Kyle, moving his food out of his cellmate’s reach, "He's not really related to me at all... but he's kind of like a kid brother in a way... but not, at the same time... We used to live together and...I dunno... I kinda feel an obligation to him. He’s had a hard time."
"You're an interesting guy, Braxton, I'll give you that!" he laughed again, “You’re a bit of a soft touch, aren’t you?” He still couldn’t get his head around the fact that Kyle had fallen on his sword for some bit of skirt that he didn’t even really know. Ten years for some little tart with a sob story?! How nice could one guy be?!
"Yeah, well, I didn't have a family when I was growing up..." said Kyle,  giving him a sad little smile before turning back to watch the steam of men filing through the doorway. He was getting anxious now. "I know what it's like to feel like you don't have anyone." he added.
"Hey, I'm just kidding around" said Aaron, registering the hurt tone in Kyle's voice and tilting his head apologetically, "I know you had it tough."
"Yeah, well, so did Josh" said Kyle, furrowing his brows as he saw the last prisoner shuffle through the doorway. Josh wasn’t there! He turned to look at Aaron with eyes wide with worry. "You don't think?" he started to say, "I mean... you know who they put him in with?!"
"Cuddles?" said Aaron, grimacing a little and shaking his head, “You’d think they’d stop putting guys in with him... I mean, it’s pretty obvious what’s going on.”
“Yeah, well... No-one ever makes a formal complaint, do they?!” said Kyle, turning to look at him across the table, “How many New Fish have they put in with him since I’ve been here?!”
“I know” said Aaron, dropping his voice a little lower and checking that no-one was listening, “T said he’s got one of the guards in his pocket... bankrolling him apparently... So they just keep putting the young ‘pretty’ ones in with him... He likes them young... and straight... He’s basically got his pick.” 
Kyle gave a little groan and rubbed his face in both hands. He’d heard the rumours too. He hadn’t known what to say to Josh yesterday when he’d told him which cell he was in. 
“How good looking is this mate of yours?” asked Aaron, raising his eyebrows with interest.
“I dunno” he shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable with where this was headed, “I guess he’s pretty good looking... I never really thought about it...”
“Really?!” smirked Aaron, “Not even once?!”
“No” said Kyle, frowning at him a little, “You know this is all very... new for me.... I never thought I’d... I mean, I never did before... Not ever! ...And I never thought something like this... It’s still hard for me to get my head around, okay?!”
“Okay” smirked Aaron, “I’ll take it as a compliment that I was your first”
“Shhhhh!” warned Kyle, giving him a very disapproving look and glancing around to make sure that they hadn’t been overheard, “Not here!”
“Okay” sighed Aaron, shaking his head at him and gently rubbing his foot on Kyle’s ankle, “But you need to loosen up a little!”
“Stop it” growled Kyle, pulling his leg away and looking a little annoyed, “Not here!”
“Okay” he said again, realising that Kyle wasn’t messing about and suddenly looking a little more serious, “So, what are we gonna do about this kid?”
“So, it’s ‘we’ now, is it?” asked Kyle, “You want to help me with Josh?”.
“Yeah... course...” said Aaron, “If he’s important to you, then he’s important to me.”
“Thanks” said Kyle, flushing bright red and looking more than a little awkward. “I think I’m gonna talk to my brothers” he said, lowering his voice and leaning across the table to make sure that it was only Aaron that heard it, “...and see if they can get me enough money to pull some strings.”
“Get the kid moved to a different cell, you mean?” asked Aaron, sounding a bit surprised, “Do you know how much that costs?!” 
“Brax owes me” said Kyle, nodding slowly, “He has my share of the restaurant... I’m gonna ask him for it.”
Aaron cocked his head to one side and looked at the man sitting opposite him. “You’re amazing, you know that?” he said, “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone... as... I don’t know... as selfless as you... It’s like it’s some kind of pathological sickness or something.”
“Why?!” snorted Kyle, shaking his head at him a little incredulously, “Because I want to help my mate?! Because I don’t want him locked up with a rapist?!”
“Well, yeah” said Aaron, “Have you looked around you?! These people... most of them don’t care about anyone but themselves... but you?!”
“I just can’t stand by and let something like that happen...” said Kyle, grimacing a little at the thought of it, “Not when I can stop it” 
“And that’s why I love you” said Aaron, reaching across the table for Kyle’s hand.
Kyle snatched his hand away and crossed his arms across his chest. “Don’t do that” he said, frowning at him and chewing on his bottom lip.
“Don’t do what?” asked Aaron, looking noticeably wounded and copying Kyle’s body language, “Don’t hold your hand... or don’t say ‘I love you’?”
“Shhhh!” warned Kyle, shaking his head at him, “Just don’t!”
“What are you so afraid of?!” asked Aaron, with a flash of hurt in his eyes, “Why is it so hard for you to... to admit how you feel? Why can’t you just say it?”
“Because I don’t know how I feel... and we’ve talked about this!” he replied in a hushed tone as he looked around again nervously, “I can’t! ...and this is not the place to be having this discussion! Okay?!”
“Fine” sighed Aaron, folding his arms across his chest again, “But you’re lying to yourself and you know it!”
“You’re leaving in three weeks!” he snapped back at him with a teary look in his eyes, “What am I supposed to do then?!”
Aaron nodded at him sadly and then looked away. It was true. He was leaving... He’d spent 7 years in this prison wishing every day that he could get out, but now that he had Kyle, he didn’t want to leave! Things had changed so much for him in only a few months! “I’ll visit” he mumbled, still not looking at him, “I’ll visit all the time!”
“No, you won’t!” said Kyle sounding a little bitter, “And I don’t want you to!” 
“I can’t just leave!” he exclaimed, turning to look at him with hurt-filled eyes, “I can’t just never see you again!”
“And I can’t sit across from you in the visitors room knowing that I’m stuck in here for the next ten years” said Kyle, “Can’t you see how hard that would be for me?!” He shook his head at him in a sad sort of way. “Clean break... It’s the only way... You go live your life.”
“You think I can just walk away like that?!” he asked, “Just walk out that door and not look back?!”
“You’ll meet someone else” said Kyle, staring across the room and avoiding eye contact, “Maybe I will too?”
“I don’t want someone else” said Aaron, wiping at a tear that had started rolling down his cheek, “I want to be with you.”
“This was only ever meant to be a bit of fun” said Kyle, clenching his jaw, “This isn’t really about me and you... You’re just scared about going back into the big bad world outside.”
“You know that’s not true” he replied, sounding more than a little hurt, “I love you.”
“Stop saying that” groaned Kyle, looking around nervously again, “You’re not making this any easier... You have to leave...”
“Maybe I’ll rob a bank or something so they’ll send me back?” offered Aaron, with a sad little laugh. They both knew that he wasn’t serious.
“You do that and I’ll never speak to you again!” warned Kyle with a frown. “Besides” he said, forcing a laugh and trying to hide how sad he really was, “You might find yourself locked up with ‘Cuddles’... and I don’t think he’s your type!”
“Don’t even joke about that!” said Aaron, trying to laugh as well.
“You’ll be okay” said Kyle, giving him a sad little half-smile, “...and so will I... and maybe in ten years, we’ll catch up and have a beer and laugh about this whole thing?”
 “Yeah... maybe” said Aaron, blinking back a few tears. He looked towards the door and then back at Kyle again. “At least you’ll have this kid... Josh, is it? ...At least he’s here now, so you won’t be on your own.”
“Yeah” grimaced Kyle, “That’s if he’s okay.”
“Hey” said Aaron, cocking his head at him sympathetically, “I’m sure it’s not that bad... I’m sure he’s okay...” He didn’t sound very convincing.
“Then why isn’t he here?” asked Kyle, chewing nervously on his fingernail, “It doesn’t look good, does it?!”

*****

“I fell over” grunted Josh, as he held an ice pack to the left side of his chest and watched as the doctor applied a bandage to the cuts on his stomach, “How many times do I have to say it?!”
The doctor stopped what he was doing and shook his head at him in a despairing way. “You and I both know that these injuries are not consistent with a fall” he said, “And you’re not the first to ‘fall over’ in Mr Petrovski’s cell.” 
“Can you just do what you have to do?” asked Josh, wincing and hissing a little as they began to stick the edges of the bandages down on his bruised flesh. His chest and stomach were a meshwork of black and purple bruises and he had a number of cuts and scrapes too.
“There are measures we can take to protect you” said the doctor, nodding at the nurse standing beside him to give them a moment alone. He watched as the nurse went to another patient across the room and then turned to look at him with a sympathetic little head tilt. “We can have you moved to the protection unit... You’d be safer there.”
Josh stared down at the floor and shook his head. Andy had told him about the segregation wings of maximum security prisons and laboured the point that it was somewhere that you didn’t want to end up. It was nearly entirely reserved for the paedophiles and the snitches, and the assumption was made by the other inmates that you must be one of those two things if you were in there. Once in, there was very little chance of getting out again, because you’d become an immediate target once back in general population. It would also mean spending 23 hours a day in isolation and he really didn’t think that he could cope with that. It really wasn’t an attractive option, even if this doctor seemed to think that it was.
“All you need to do is tell me what really happened” coaxed the doctor with a kind expression on his face, “I can’t help you if you don’t”
“I already did” sighed Josh, “I fell over.”
“You have cracked ribs and contusions to your stomach consistent with someone kicking you repeatedly” said the doctor, shaking his head at him with a worried expression, “These aren’t minor injuries!”
“I’ll be okay” said Josh, wishing that they’d all stop asking him these stupid questions. It was clear to anyone with half a brain that he couldn’t have gotten these injuries by falling over, but there was nothing in this world that would have convinced him to dob Alexei in. He’d made it clear in no uncertain terms that snitches didn’t fare well in the prison system and that he’d personally see to it that he died a slow and painful death. 
“You collapsed on your way to the mess hall this morning” said the doctor in a scolding tone, “How many more times do you think you’ll ‘fall over’ before you do some very real damage?!”
Josh turned away and clenched his jaw in anger. How stupid was this man, he wondered?! He’d only been there two days and he already understood better than this man how things worked on the inside.
“Now” sighed the doctor, turning his attention to the bruises and cuts on Josh’s knuckles and looking around again to make sure that they had some privacy, “I am going to have to ask you this...”
Josh looked back at him for a moment in a pleading way before staring at the floor. He wanted the ground to swallow him up.
“Have you been sexually assaulted, Josh?” he asked, in a quiet and soothing voice, “You need to tell me if you have.”
“No” mumbled Josh, “I told you, I just fell.” Alexei had been true to his word. He wasn’t a rapist as such, but he'd left him in no doubt that he would beat him to a pulp each night until he willingly submitted. Alexei was indeed a very persuasive man, but his method of persuasion mostly involved the extensive use of his fists. Josh had put up the best fight that he could but he’d been no match for a man of that size. He didn’t know what he was going to do.
“And I told you, you’re not the first prisoner to ‘fall over’ in Mr Petrovski’s cell” said the doctor, “I need to know what’s happened to you... Would you allow me to do a physical examination?”
“That didn’t happen!” said Josh, glancing up at him angrily, “It didn’t... so, no, I don’t need an examination.”
“Okay” sighed the doctor, making it clear that he didn’t believe him, “Well, I want to keep you in here for at least a couple of days. Maybe a week... Those ribs will need time to heal and I don’t want you ‘falling over’ again and puncturing a lung.”
Josh looked up at him again and gave a relieved little smile. “Thanks” he said quietly, thinking that he might at least be able to get some sleep, if nothing else. That’s if the pain of his bruised and battered body didn’t keep him awake.
“Okay... well, we’ll get you a bed sorted then...” he said, nodding at the nurse to go and organise that for him. He got up to look at the nasty gash on Josh’s eyebrow and gave a little sigh. “This really was a pretty bad ‘fall’ Josh... I think you might be a little concussed.“ he said, with a worried expression on his face, “We’ll need to give you a few paper stitches for this too.” 
“Okay” groaned Josh, clamping his eyes shut and gritting his teeth. He’d flinched a little when the doctor had gotten to his feet and the sudden movement had sent shockwaves of pain up through his body.
“Is the pain bad?” asked the doctor, “On a scale of 1 to 10...  1 being no pain at all...”
“An 8” said Josh, interrupting him, “It’s bad.” He’d answered that question many times in the past.
“Okay, well, we’ll get you some more pain relief too then.” said the doctor, applying the last paper strip to his eyebrow. He came back round and sat back on the chair in front of him. “Now, Josh...” he said, tilting his head to one side, “Bit of an unusual situation... I’ve had someone here asking after you... He seems very worried and he says he’s family? Do you know a Kyle Braxton?”
 

[Ludub]

Thanks everyone for the kind comments! Much appreciated! This is going to be a much longer story now than originally intended, but hey ho... I really hope you like this one... note the big red warning! 

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES & SEXUAL CONTENT

 

Chapter 4

 

“Wuh… what… What happened to you?!” stammered Josh, as he watched Kyle being wheeled over to his bedside. He had bruises on his face and a badly split lip. “Who did that to you?!” he asked.

“We're quite the pair, aren’t we?!” said Kyle, giving him a little smile and watching as the nurse walked away and left them on their own. He looked around to make sure that no one was listening and then gave a little shrug. “Had to find some way of getting in here to see you... Didn’t I?”

“You got someone to hit you?!” he gasped, staring at him in disbelief, “You did that deliberately?! I can’t believe you did that!... I mean... Who?!”

“It’s not that hard to convince someone to punch you in the face in this place” he said with a little laugh before pulling up his t-shirt to let him see. He had a couple of red welts on his abdomen that were obviously going to turn into pretty nasty bruises. He laughed again and shook his head as though he found the whole thing quite funny. “It can be hard to get them to stop once they’ve started though! Couple of guys had to pull him off me... It’s like he totally forgot why he was doing it... or that I’d paid him… Total nutcase!”

“Kyle... You didn’t have to do that for me” said Josh, shifting with great discomfort in the bed and failing to see any humour in the situation. “You shouldn’t have done that for me” he clarified, “This… This isn’t your responsibility.”  

“Come on, Josh!” said Kyle, wheeling himself a little closer to the bed, “I can’t just stand by and watch you get hurt like this.” He cocked his head to one side sympathetically and gave him a gentle little smile, “I care about you.”

“You shouldn’t care about me” he said, hanging his head, “You could have got yourself killed.”

Kyle looked at him as he sat there in the bed in front of him. He looked so downtrodden and alone. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. He had a split eyebrow, a black eye, grazes on his cheek, and he could see the deep bruising on his arms and knuckles. It was clear that he’d taken quite a beating and that he’d put up one hell of a fight. He could also see that he was actively avoiding looking at him now, and that worried him.

“...And I’m really not worth that...” he continued in a sad and distant tone, “I’m not worth anything.”

“Josh?” said Kyle, reaching out and gently placing his hand on his shoulder, one of the few places that he didn’t seem to have any visible bruising. He flinched a little, but he accepted his touch. “Josh, look at me?” he pleaded, “Please, mate, look at me?”

Josh slowly lifted his gaze and looked up into Kyle’s eyes. They sat for a moment just looking at each other. The pain in Josh’s expression was heart-breaking.

“Did he?” Kyle started to say, grimacing a little and feeling unsure of how to broach the subject, “Did he... did he force himself...?”

“No!” growled Josh, flushing bright red with anger and embarrassment, and shrugging his hand off his shoulder, “I fought him off, he didn’t get to!”

“But he tried?” he asked, looking at him in concern, “He made a move on you?”

Josh just gave a brief little nod and turned to look away across the room. He really didn’t want to go into details. Just the thought of it was making him feel sick.

“God, Josh!” he groaned, “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s not your fault, is it?” he said, clenching his jaw. He tried to fold his arms across his chest but winced with the pain of it and took them away again. He clasped his hands in front of him instead in an awkward sort of way. “It’s nobody’s fault but my own...” he muttered under his breath, “This is all on me... I deserve this.”

“You don’t deserve this” said Kyle, tentatively putting his hand on Josh’s knee, “I don’t care what you’ve done... No-one deserves this!”

Josh just shrugged and wiped angrily at the few tears that he hadn’t managed to blink back.  He still wasn’t looking at Kyle.

“You don’t!” insisted Kyle, leaning around him to force Josh to look at him, “You don’t deserve this… Do you understand me?!”

“Just go” said Josh, fighting the urge to really start crying.

“I’m not going anywhere” said Kyle, shaking his head at him, “The doc there’s worried that I might have concussion... That’s why I’m in this wheelchair… I’m a fainting risk, apparently… So, you’re stuck with me for a while longer.”

Josh rolled his eyes and tried to turn his body so he was facing away from him. “Mrrhhm” he groaned, realising that that had been a serious misjudgement. “Please, Kyle?!” he begged, leaning back against his pillows with his eyes closed and giving an exhausted sigh, “I just want to be on my own for a while.”

“I think that’s the last thing you need right now” said Kyle, giving him a worried sort of look, “I can sit here with you quietly but that’s the best you’re gonna get... Talk... don’t talk... whatever you like... but I’m staying here.”

Josh opened his eyes and glared at him with a sudden flash of anger. “What is it that you want from me?!” he snapped, “What?! You want to see what he did to me?! Is that it?!” He began tearing at the hospital gown that he was wearing and pulled it off over his head giving a loud hiss of discomfort. “Here, have a look!” he snarled, “It isn’t pretty!”

Kyle’s mouth fell open when he saw the extent of Josh’s injuries. His whole chest and stomach was black and blue and he had a couple of bandages on his abdomen too. “Mate, I...” he began, “I had no idea...”

“You got what you wanted” said Josh, glaring at him and talking through clenched teeth, “You’ve seen first hand what a pathetic little victim I am... A total waste of space!” His voice broke on the last couple of words and he slumped lower in the bed and began to cry. He lifted his hand up to hide his face and his whole body began to shudder.

“Mate!” said Kyle in a soft and sympathetic tone. He got to his feet, and sat down on the side of his bed. “C’mere” he coaxed softly, as he tentatively put his arms around him and pulled him into a hug as gently as he could. “It’s okay, mate” he said, “It’s okay”

“I can’t do this” said Josh in a voice so quiet it was barely audible, “I just want it to be over... I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Don’t talk like that!” exclaimed Kyle, pulling back from the hug and looking at him in a shocked sort of way, “Please, mate... You’ve only been here a couple of days... It will get better.”

“How is it going to get better?” asked Josh, as he wiped at his tears with shaking hands, “I have to go back there in a few days... and if I don’t show willing... If I don’t let him... let him have what he wants... I’ll be right back here again.” He looked at Kyle with scared and tear-filled eyes. “That’s if he doesn’t kill me next time.”

Kyle pulled him towards him and hugged him again. He wasn’t sure what to do. Part of him wanted to tell him about his plan to buy him out of Alexei’s cell. He knew that it would give him hope and that was something that he desperately needed right now, but he was worried that it would go wrong, and then where would that leave Josh?! There was a guard who could be bribed to move inmates to more pleasant living arrangements when problems like this arose, but the price was $10,000. That was a lot of money, and would essentially wipe out the little nest egg that he had waiting for him for when he got out. There were a number of problems with this plan and he knew that Brax was going to take some convincing. First, they’d have to find the money in cash without arousing suspicions with the bank or the police, and second, someone would have to be willing to meet with the guard on the outside to make the payment. He didn’t know if Brax would be willing to take that risk. He’d promised Ricky that he was going straight, and that he’d never put his freedom in jeopardy again, so he knew that it was a lot to ask. He just hoped that he could talk them round.

“Josh” he said, pulling away from the hug and looking him directly in the eye, “I’m not going to let that sicko kill you… okay? …No matter what, that’s not happening.”

Josh furrowed his brows at him in a worried sort of way. “I can’t see how you’re gonna stop him.” he said, shaking his head in defeat, “Once that door closes, I’m stuck in there with him for ten hours… You can’t stop him from doing anything… You can’t protect me in there.”

“Trust…” said Kyle, starting to cough quite violently and covering his mouth with his hand, “Trust… me…”

Josh gave a sad little laugh and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s nice that you want to help” he said, “But you can’t”

“Give me your hand, Josh” said Kyle, holding his own hand out for a handshake with a little smile, “Let’s shake on it”.

Josh looked at him like he had two heads, but decided to humour him, and took his hand anyway. A small object of some sort suddenly found its way into the palm of his hand and he looked up at Kyle in surprise. When Kyle let go, he clamped his fist around the small object, and slipped his hand under the sheets away from prying eyes. He’d look at what it was later.

“I’m going to fix things” said Kyle, giving him a little wink, “All you need is a little faith.”

 

*****

 

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” asked Aaron, lying with his head on Kyle’s chest and softly tracing his fingertips over the skin around his nipple.

“Hey, that tickles!” laughed Kyle, squirming a little and grabbing Aaron’s hand to stop him. He moved it down onto his stomach and kept his own hand on top of it.

“I know it does” giggled Aaron, glancing up at him with a mischievous little smile, “That’s why I was doing it!”

“Well, stop it please” said Kyle, putting his hand under Aaron’s chin to lift his face gently towards him. He leaned in, and pressed his lips gently to his, and they began to kiss in a soft and affectionate way.

“You didn’t answer my question” said Aaron when they eventually broke apart, “Are you nervous about seeing this brother of yours tomorrow?”

Kyle thought about it for a moment. He was nervous… and not just because he had to ask this enormous favour of him, but because he hadn’t seen him in nearly three months and he wondered if Brax would be able to tell that this huge life-changing thing had happened to him. He wondered if he’d somehow realise that he was gay… or bi… or whatever he was now. Was it something that other people could see?

“Yeah… I am” he said, giving a little shrug, “What if he says no?”

“What if he doesn’t come?” asked Aaron, looking at him with concern, “What if he’s a no show again?” Brax had cancelled on Kyle a number of times over the last few months and it was always Aaron that had had to pick up the pieces. Kyle was always so upset, even if he pretended that he wasn’t. It wasn’t too hard to see through the tough guy bravado, to the hurt little boy who was just desperate for a family to belong to. From what Aaron had seen, these Braxtons didn’t seem like the most reliable bunch, or like people who cared that much about Kyle. They really didn’t treat him very well and Aaron was angry and resentful towards them as a result. He couldn’t help it.

“Don’t say that!” said Kyle, looking noticeably wounded, “You’re meant to be telling me not to worry, not giving me more things to worry about!”

“Sorry” said Aaron, looking a little sheepish, “I just don’t get why you hero worship this brother of yours when he can’t even be bothered to come see you when he’s supposed to!”

“He’s busy” sighed Kyle, frowning to himself, “I can’t expect him to drop everything and come visit me all the time… and this place probably brings back bad memories for him too.”

“You need to stop making excuses for people who treat you badly” said Aaron, “Stop letting them walk all over you! Your name’s Braxton too!”

Kyle smirked a little. “Bennett, actually.”

“What?” said Aaron, looking surprised.

“I was born Kyle Bennett… I only took the Braxton name a few years ago.”

“Bennett?” he repeated, giving a little giggle, “Why didn’t I know that?! I feel like I’m sleeping with a stranger!”

“Yeah, well… I took the surname but I don’t think the boys ever saw me as a true Braxton… I mean, not like one of them.”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about!” said Aaron, raising himself on one elbow to look at him properly, “If they don’t even see you as their brother, why are you wasting your time on them?!”

“Because they’re all I’ve got” said Kyle, “I don’t have anyone else.”

“You have me” said Aaron, cocking his head to one side in a sympathetic sort of way, “And I love you.”

Kyle looked at him and gave a little smile. The truth was that he wouldn’t have him for much longer. Three weeks and he’d be gone! He would be on his own again, and maybe he’d pretend then that none of this had ever happened? Maybe he’d go back to being a red-blooded heterosexual, and try to tell himself that he’d never enjoyed the warm embrace of another man’s body? Maybe he’d try to lie to himself? Maybe he’d try to tell himself that it had all just been an experimentation phase? Or a basic sexual need when denied female company? Or the boredom of a life behind bars? Maybe he’d pretend that his stomach didn’t give a little flutter every time he looked at Aaron? Or that he didn’t feel a stirring in his loins at the mere thought of touching him or kissing him? Or that his feelings for him were never real? And maybe he’d try to pretend that sex with Aaron hadn’t been exciting, and passionate, and intense, and sensual, and tender all at the same time… Maybe he’d lie to himself about everything? And maybe he wouldn’t.

Right now though, as he gazed into the grey-blue eyes of his lover, so full of love and kindness, all he wanted to do was kiss him. He turned onto his side and reached for him, trailing his fingers through his messy dark hair, and pulling him towards him. They began to kiss, first slowly and tenderly, but the kissing gradually became much more urgent, and hands began to wander. Kyle gently pushed Aaron onto his back and climbed on top of him, raising himself on both arms so he was hovering above him. He loved those blue eyes of his, with his long black eyelashes, and he loved the paleness of his skin. More than anything though, he loved the way that he looked at him. He sat up for a moment, straddling him, and began to trail his hands over the muscled flesh of Aaron’s torso. He leaned down and began to kiss him on the neck. Slow tender kisses, snaking their way down to his collarbone, and then his pectoral muscle. He looked up at Aaron, still kissing his chest, and their eyes met for a moment with what felt like a burst of electrical energy. With a mischievous little smile he took his nipple in his mouth and gently bit it between his teeth. Aaron closed his eyes, giving a low moan, as the pain mingled with an intense feeling of pleasure.

“Kyle” moaned Aaron, taking hold of his hand for a moment and gently kissing the inside of his wrist, “I love you.”

Kyle looked up at him as he lay there with his eyes closed and wondered why he couldn’t say those three little words. He did love him. He was in love with him. He just couldn’t say it.

[Ludub]

Thanks once again for reading and taking the time to comment! ...I might not have time to update this again for a little while (need to focus on a chapter of Driftwood apart from anything else!) but I hope you enjoy it! 

 

WARNING: VERY ADULT THEMES!!!

 

Chapter 5

 

 

“Are you gonna tell him about me?” asked Aaron, picking his mattress up off the floor and hoisting it back onto the top bunk in their cell. They’d started laying their mattresses side by side on the floor as though it was a double bed. They’d always put them back in the morning though before anyone got the chance to see.  “Are you gonna tell him about me and you?” he asked again, turning to look at him.

Kyle spat out his toothpaste in the sink and glanced at him in a startled sort of way. “Why would I tell Brax?!” he asked, “What business is it of his?”

“He’s your brother, isn’t he?!” he asked, throwing their pillows and blankets back onto their respective beds, “…Maybe he’d like to know that you’re not miserable in here?” He turned to look at him again, as he rinsed his mouth, and gave a little shrug. “To know that you’ve found someone who cares about you… I mean, if you were my brother and you were in here, I’d want to know that… I’d want to know that you were okay.”

Kyle tilted his head at him and smiled. Aaron was a sweet and sensitive soul, and his whole family were such ‘share your feelings’ type of people, that he really couldn’t understand what it was like to be a Braxton. He didn’t understand that Brax might not be supportive. That he might not understand. 

“If I were your brother” said Kyle, throwing his toothbrush in the cup beside the sink before walking towards him with a mischievous little smile, “We wouldn’t have done what we did last night!” He gazed into his big blue eyes, slipping his arms around his waist, and pulled him in towards him for a kiss.

“That’s a good point!” laughed Aaron, as their lips met. He frowned a little as he pulled away a moment or two later, and gently touched Kyle’s lower lip with the tip of his index finger. “Does it still hurt?” he asked, looking concerned. It looked a little inflamed and red after all the kissing last night.

“A little” said Kyle, running his tongue over it, “It’s no big deal… I reckon it’s healing pretty well, considering it’s only been a couple of days.”

“So, you’re not going to tell him about us?” asked Aaron, pouting at him a little, “You’re just going to pretend that I don’t exist?”

“My family isn’t like yours” he sighed, letting go of him and going to sit down on the lower bunk, “He wouldn’t get it… He wouldn’t understand…”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked, sitting down beside him and leaning his head on his shoulder, “I mean… How do you know how he’d react if you don’t tell him?”

“Because I know Brax…” he said, putting his hand on Aaron’s leg and softly stroking his thigh with his thumb. “I know my brothers…” he continued, “…and I know what they’d… I know what they’d think of me.”

“So, what are you saying? …They’re homophobic?” he asked, sitting up to look at him with a worried expression, “They’d disown you, or something?”

“Or something” he replied, sounding a little sad. He wasn’t sure that they’d disown him exactly, but they visited so seldom already, and he didn’t want to give them any more reason to cut him out of their lives. He was scared of ending up completely on his own.

“Screw them!” said Aaron, with a flash of anger in his voice, “If they can’t see what an amazing person you are…”

“It’s not like that” sighed Kyle, frowning and shaking his head at him, “We just… We didn’t grow up together… so it’s not like we have this whole history to fall back on… I just came into their lives too late… and I guess…” He shrugged and stared down at the floor. “I just don’t feature in their lives anymore… A ten year prison sentence will tend to do that!”

Aaron shook his head in a disapproving way. He couldn’t understand it. His family had stood by him through everything, and they were waiting for him, and counting down the days till his release. His mother and his three siblings had visited as often as the prison would permit, and they were forever sending cards and letters and photos. He’d never been in any doubt that they loved him. The way that Kyle’s family treated him always left him seething, and he found it hard not to say what he thought, but he bit his tongue most of the time for fear of offending him. He glanced at the photo on the wall behind Kyle and clenched his jaw in anger. “You practically raised that baby of theirs” he said, shaking his head at Kyle in wonder, “That ‘Ricky’ you’re always talking about… Why doesn’t she come to visit?”

“She’s busy with Case” he said, looking a little hurt, “Besides, this place freaks her out a bit… reminds her of visiting Brax when he was in here…”

Aaron gave a little snort of derision and shook his head at him in a pitying sort of way. “If you could see yourself through my eyes” he said, blinking back angry and frustrated tears, “You wouldn’t let people treat you like this… You deserve so much better!”

Kyle turned to look at Aaron and gave him an embarrassed little smile. No-one had ever spoken to him like this, and no-one had ever looked at him the way that Aaron did either. He didn’t really know how to deal with this much love and adoration and respect. No-one had ever treated him this kindly! He leaned in, taking Aaron’s face in both hands, and gently wiped away his tears with his thumbs. “Do you need me to tell him?” he asked, hoping that the answer was no, “Because I will… if that’s what you need.”

Aaron shook his head and gave a sad little smile. “No” he said, pressing a soft and gentle little kiss to his lips, “It’s enough that you offered.”

 

*****

 

"Oi!" said Brax, making his way towards Kyle's table with a forced smile on his face, "You're looking well, mate... Looks like prison's treating you a lot better than it did me!"

"Yeah" said Kyle, standing up to greet him with a nervous little smile. Brax clearly hadn’t looked at him too hard if he hadn’t noticed the bruising. "It's not so bad...” he said, “I'm going okay."

Brax gave him a brief hug and then sat down on the bench seat opposite him. He kept looking around him in a jumpy and anxious kind of way. He didn't like being back in here. He still couldn't quite get his head around the fact that he was a free man and part of him was worried that they might try to lock him up again if he stayed too long. He could almost imagine having to argue his case with the guards and convince them that he was just a visitor on this occasion and not one of the inmates. What if they wouldn’t let him out?! His heart had kicked up a gear as soon as he’d set foot in the grounds. "How you going with the other inmates?" he asked, glancing around the prisoners at the other tables in case he knew any of them, “Any more trouble?”

"Nah... things have died down since Gunno left." said Kyle, looking around to check that no-one was listening. "His guys have just ...sort of drifted towards different groups” he said, “…and I guess they've just lost interest in me."

Brax nodded and gave a nervous little half-smile. “Good to hear that, mate” he said, trying to sound relaxed, "And you're getting on okay with your cellie?"

Kyle gave an involuntary little laugh and nodded his head. "Yeah, don't worry Brax... No worries there." He wondered what Brax would say if he told him just how well they were getting on? That they’d spent the best part of an hour last night having sex and that they spent every night in the same bed together… He could almost picture the shock on his face right now!

"How’d you get that then?" asked Brax, nodding at the partially healed split in his lip and the bruises on his cheekbone. "You get in a fight or something?"

"Ah, you know…" said Kyle, giving him a little shrug, “Not hard in a place like this”.

Brax nodded and glanced around the room again a little nervously. “Listen, mate” he said, leaning forward on the table, “I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit more… Me and Ric, we’ve been busy getting the restaurant up and running and getting childminders and stuff for Case…”

Kyle gave him a weak little smile and nodded. He knew empty excuses and lies when he heard them. Everything about Brax’s body language said that he was uncomfortable being here and he’d seen him glance at the clock on the wall at least six times since he’d been there. He simply didn’t want to visit. That was the long and the short of it.

“…and Ric sends her apologies” he continued, “She said to tell you that she’ll come next time.”

“How is she?” he asked, glancing down at the little stack of photos that Brax had set on the table. They kept doing this. As though a few poxy photos would make up for the fact that they couldn’t be bothered coming to visit! And seeing photos of their normal family lives outside these walls, lives that didn’t include him, just made being here that much harder to deal with. How insensitive could they possibly be?!

“Yeah, she’s good” smiled Brax, picking through the photos and pulling out one of Ricky and a not-so-baby Casey. “She’s teaching photography classes now at the University… Really loving it!” He slid the photo across the table to him and nodded down at it. “Casey’s getting big, isn’t he?!” he smiled with pride, “A right little bruiser, eh?!”

Kyle stared down at the photo and fought the urge to start crying. He’d loved Casey, almost like his own, and now he wouldn’t get to see him again until he was nearly twelve years old! None of this was fair! “Yeah, he’s…” he started to say, but he turned the photo over and looked away across the room. They sat in awkward silence for a moment. “Heath?” he asked eventually, clenching his jaw in a tense sort of way and staring into space, “How’s he doing?”

“Yeah… he’s good” said Brax, looking a little guilty on Heath’s behalf, “He said to say hi”

“That was nice of him” said Kyle, sounding a little sarcastic, “Haven’t seen him in nearly six months.”

“Yeah, mate, I know” sighed Brax, “You know Heath though… He’s… He’s… Well, he’s Heath.”

“Yeah” said Kyle, crossing his arms across his chest, “You’re right about that.”

“So…?” said Brax, clearing his throat in a nervous kind of way, “What was so urgent that you needed me in here today?”

 

*****

 

“Welcome home!” shouted Alexei, looking excited as he watched Josh limp through the doorway, “I’ve missed my little fishy friend… Alexei has been lonely!”

The guard smirked at Josh as he pulled the door closed, and he flinched a little as he heard the bolt slide into place. His heart was already pounding with the anticipation of what was to come. He made his way over to the lower bunk and lowered himself carefully onto the mattress. His body was still so bruised and tender.

Alexei jumped down from his bunk and crouched down in front of him with his head tilted to one side. “Little Fish has learnt his lesson… yes?” he asked, in a coaxing kind of way, like you would a small child, “He play nice with Alexei tonight?”

Josh shut his eyes and shook his head. “No” he said, pulling his arms around him and shaking with fear. He was ready to die tonight if that’s what had to happen. Maybe it would be better than living like this for the next 28 years? He just hoped that Alexei would make it relatively quick.

Alexei gave a little laugh and put his hand on Josh’s knee. He laughed even more when he saw him jump a mile high and grimace with the pain of his bruised and battered ribs. “New Fish is still sore?” he asked, motioning for Josh to lift up his shirt, “Let me see”

Josh hung his head in defeat and did as he was asked. He didn’t have the energy to argue, and he hoped that seeing the damage that he’d done might convince him to leave him alone, at least for tonight. He slowly pulled his shirt up to reveal the dark brown and yellow patchwork of bruises on his chest and stomach. The bruises were still dark and savage looking on the left side of his ribcage.

Alexei made a surprised whistling sound and sat back on his heels. “Maybe Alexei get a little carried away” he said, patting him on the knee again, “But I don’t like when I not get what I want.” He put his hand under Josh’s chin to lift his eyes towards his. “I like Little Fish…” he said, grinning at him again with those scary gold teeth, “…and I want him to like me.”

Josh stared at him in horror. This man was completely and totally insane! He wanted him to like him?! A man that had tried to rape him and then beaten him within an inch of his life?! Like him?! …He wanted to kill him with his bare hands!

“You like Alexei?” he asked, softly caressing the side of Josh’s face, “Little Fish like Alexei? Yes?”

Josh just stared at him. He was speechless. He didn’t know what to do, but any kind of sudden movement seemed like it would be a mistake. Partly because of the pain of his ribs and partly because this man was unhinged and unpredictable. Who knew what he would do if he tried to stop him touching him?! He was trapped here with this madman and there was nothing he could do about it. Trapped here till the morning! He’d never felt panic like it!

“Maybe Little Fish is scared of man parts?” he asked, gesturing at his own groin and tilting his head sympathetically, “Or maybe he just scared of sex?” He began stroking Josh’s hair and tucked it gently behind his ear. “Little Fish is virgin?” he asked, “He not have sex with girl before?”

Josh didn’t know if this was the right response at all, but he nodded his head and stared down at the ground in a shy sort of way. “No” he said, glancing up at him in fear, “Never”

“Aha!” exclaimed Alexei, slapping his hand off his thigh, “So, Alexei catch himself fresh fish, eh?! ...I thought so!” He shook his head at him in a pitying sort of way and smiled. “Little Fish just need time” he said, gently pulling Josh’s shirt up over his head, “Alexei be soft and gentle… not take, if Fish not ready.”

Josh sat now on the edge of the bed with no shirt on and hugged his arms around his chest. He felt incredibly vulnerable as he gazed at the man in front of him. This had been a dangerous gamble and he wasn’t sure that he’d played the right cards yet. “Alexei and Little Fish sleep together” he announced, pushing Josh back onto the bed in a gentle sort of way, “But we take things slow slow… Just cuddle… Hold each other… No sex tonight.”

Josh stared in horror as Alexei took his own shirt and pants off and then sat down on the edge of his bed. He turned to Josh and went to undo the strings on the waist of his tracksuit bottoms. “No! Please?!” he pleaded, reaching for his hand to stop him, “Not yet!”

Alexei looked at him a little impatiently but then his face softened again. “Okay” he said, patting Josh’s hand softly and nodding at him. “Little Fish keep pants on tonight… We take things slow, slow.” With that he swung his legs up into the bed so he was lying beside him and gently rolled him over onto his right hand side so he wasn’t putting pressure on his broken ribs.

Josh winced sharply as he felt Alexei pull in close behind him and put his arm around his chest. “Alexei, please?!” he pleaded again, reaching and moving his arm away from his bruised ribs, “Be careful!”

“Sorry!” whispered Alexei, spooning close behind him and breathing heavily on his neck, “Little Fish smells nice… Not fishy at all!”

Josh lay there in the bed with his back to Alexei and waited with baited breath for him to fall asleep. Alexei’s sweaty body was pressed up next to his and he could feel just how excited he was. It was hard to ignore! He kept mumbling things in Russian which he couldn’t understand and planting soft little kisses on his naked shoulder. Every kiss and every whisper brought with it a wave of nausea for Josh and he’d never had to fight so hard not to vomit. This was worse than he could ever have imagined! He’d never felt more scared or violated in his life. This was rape without the rape! Tears were silently streaming down his face and he couldn’t stop shaking. After what seemed like an eternity he heard the snoring begin. More than heard it, he felt it reverberate through his own body, like the repetitive passing of a freight train. He slowly reached inside the pocket of his tracksuit bottoms and checked that the packet was still there. He’d been diligently hiding it since Kyle had passed it to him last week. ‘Tomorrow!’ he thought to himself, ‘Tomorrow I’m going to find some way to make this work!’

[Ludub]

Okay, so here we go... This is all getting very dark indeed... I do worry about myself sometimes... Anyway, hope you like it! 

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES & VIOLENCE!!!

 

Chapter 6

 

Josh shuffled along the corridor in the queue for the showers. He didn't know the man in front of him or the one behind him, but even if he had, he wouldn't have been able to string a sentence together to speak to them. He hugged his towel and washbag against his chest protectively and stared at his feet as he moved along. There was loud laughter every now and then, and he could hear that people were talking, but it had all just become a blur of shapeless noises to him. Everything seemed distant, but loud and echoey at the same time. It felt like being underwater. He lifted his hand in an absent sort of way and began to scratch quite violently at the skin on the back of his neck. He could still feel Alexei's lips against his flesh... his breath, his teeth, his tongue… The thought of it made him feel physically sick. It was like he'd infected him. His whole body felt itchy. It felt like there were little creatures crawling about under his skin and devouring him from the inside. He'd never felt more dirty in his life! Not even when he and Andy had been living rough and hadn't been able to get washed for weeks. This was a different type of dirty. He felt like every inch of him was tainted. He felt like Alexei had marked his territory like some sort of wild animal and claimed him in some way. He could smell him on him. He could smell Alexei's pungent sweat on his own skin and even the acrid scent of his saliva. It was dried on the back of his neck, and on his chest and stomach, and even on his face. He was sure the others could smell it too. They'd know. They'd all know! Things had happened this morning. Things that he desperately wanted to forget. That he needed to forget... but every time he closed his eyes it all played out in front of him like a scene from some low budget porn film. He couldn't get it out of his head, and he couldn't wipe the sensations and the sounds from his memory. It hadn’t been ‘rape’ as such, but it certainly fell into the definition of foreplay.

“Move it, Fish!” growled a voice behind him, and whoever it was gave him a thump in the middle of his back to chivvy him along. He’d been so lost in his own miserable thoughts that he hadn’t moved forward with the shifting queue.

“Sorry” he muttered, moving a bit faster and catching up with the man in front.  His heart picked up momentum when he realised that they were nearly at the door to the shower room. He wasn’t really prepared for this. His first communal shower since getting here. He was frightened of having to undress in front of everyone, and letting them see his bruises, but the need to scrub that man off his skin far outweighed his fear. He wanted to scrub every inch of his body. If he could have stepped out of his skin like a snake, he would have.

A few more steps forward and he was at the door. The guard who was keeping watch looked him up and down and gave a little smirk. He was the same one that had shut him in the cell with Alexei last night. As he went to move past him, the guard put his hand in the middle of his chest, and stopped him in his tracks. “Sleep well?” he sneered, raising his eyebrows at him in a mocking way.

Josh glanced up at him for a moment, with a pained expression on his face, and then fixed his eyes on the floor again. “I just want to get a shower” he mumbled.

The guard gave a cruel sort of laugh and took his hand away. “Go on then!” he grinned, nodding at him to go and giving him a little shove forward. Everything in Josh’s body language had told him what he wanted to know.

Josh found himself in a large room with benches and hooks for clothing on one side and a long line of showers on the other. There were naked men milling around everywhere, some with towels wrapped around their waists, others without. A quick glance around and he figured there were probably about thirty men in here. He was relieved to find that he didn’t recognise any of them. He made his way quickly to an empty space over at the benches and set his towel and wash bag down. ‘This is it’ he thought, blushing red with the shame of it all as he slowly pulled his shirt up over his head, ‘Now everyone’s going to see… Now they’re going to know…’ He kept his eyes fixed on the floor while he undressed and did his best to avoid making eye contact with anyone. He didn’t even look at the older man that came and took the space beside him. His chest was still very tender and it hurt a lot to bend down. With great difficulty, he took his pants down, and used his feet to pull them off his ankles. Now, dressed only in his underwear and socks, he sat down on the bench and thought about how to take his socks off in the least painful way possible. Alexei had insisted on putting them on for him this morning and had gone about doing it in what he obviously thought was a seductive manner. The thought of it still made him retch a little. He’d been sick a couple of times already this morning. After a moment’s struggle, he managed to pull them off his feet using his big toe on the opposite foot. Suddenly he realised that the noise had died down, and he looked up to see some of the men standing around looking at him. There was a lot of whispering and pointing, and exchanges of knowing glances, and some of the men had even started to snigger. His body was covered from head to toe in welts and deep dark bruises. It was no wonder that he was drawing attention! He looked back down again, clenching his jaw in anger, and lifted his towel and soap. He was here now, nearly naked in front of this crowd of strange men. There was no turning back.

He stood up and took his underwear off in a defiant sort of way. He walked past them as quickly as he could and went to one of the free spaces in the communal shower. He stood under the water and closed his eyes for a moment. All he wanted was to be somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. He began to wash himself, trying with all his might to drown out the voices and laughter of the men around him, and pretending that he was the only one there. He just needed to feel clean. He opened his eyes and looked around him a little nervously. Everyone seemed to be going about their business again and the interest in him seemed to have dissipated. He breathed a sigh of relief and started to scrub violently at his flesh with his wash cloth.  He scrubbed and he scrubbed, ignoring the pain in his bruised and battered body, and rubbing his skin raw. He didn’t think he’d ever feel clean again…

Suddenly a tattooed arm took hold of him, choking him around the neck, and a man pulled him in against his naked body in a strangle hold. He had hold of his arm too and had twisted it up behind his back to the point where it might break. “Morning Princess!” exclaimed the man behind him as he struggled in vain to free himself, “Looks like I didn’t make myself clear the other day!”

Josh clawed frantically with his free hand at the arm across his throat, trying to relieve the pressure on his windpipe, and gasping for air.

“What part of our little agreement did you not understand?!” he asked, grinning at his two companions who were standing in front of them now. “I think I made myself pretty clear” he said, twisting Josh’s arm a little further up his back, “Didn’t I boys?! Two packs of smokes? I don’t seem to have them!”

Josh gave a rasping sort of scream as the man continued to twist his arm, and his eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t speak. He could hardly breathe! It felt like his arm was about to snap.

“I believe I was very clear in my terms” continued the man, watching as Josh’s face turned purple, “All you had to do was keep to your side of the agreement and none of this would have been necessary… I’m a reasonable man… Anyone will tell you that!”

Just at the moment where it looked like he might pass out, and his vision had started to cloud over, a dark and imposing figure appeared from behind them. He couldn’t see who it was but it was obvious that he cast a very large shadow.

“This one my little fishy” said Alexei, frowning at them but speaking in a calm and collected sort of voice, “You break Fish? You pay! …New Fish not cheap!”

“Ah, mate?!” exclaimed the man behind Josh, as he let him go and turned to face Alexei with a big smile on his face, “We didn’t know this was one of yours!”

Josh collapsed with a loud smack on the tiled floor and clawed at his own neck as he struggled to breathe. It felt like his airways had collapsed.

“We didn’t know!” insisted the man with the Swastika tattoos, “He didn’t tell us!” He turned back to Josh and put his hands on his hips in a theatrical kind of way, made all the stranger for the fact that he was butt naked and slightly aroused. “Why didn’t you tell us you were one of Cuddles’ boys?!” he scolded. He shook his head at him in a disappointed way and sucked on his teeth for dramatic effect. “We could have done some real damage too!” he said, “…and then where would we be?! You could have cost me a lot of money there!”

Josh glanced up at them, blinking furiously as stars floated in front of his eyes, and realised that they were talking about him as though he were a piece of property. A slave! He was a slave, and he belonged to Alexei!

The man standing with Alexei nodded at his two companions and the two of them grabbed him by an arm each and hoisted him back onto his feet with no concern for any of his injuries. He gave a loud groan, and hung there limply on shaking legs. He continued to rasp and wheeze loudly as he tried to breathe.

“See?” said the man, turning to Alexei, “No harm done!” He held his hand out to him for a handshake and flashed him a nervous smile, “No hard feelings?”

“He no breathe good” said Alexei, ignoring his proffered hand and tutting loudly, “Throat is crushed…" He shook his head in a disappointed sort of way. "No good for sex tonight!”

“Ah, he’ll be okay!” laughed the man, spinning round to look at Josh again and slapping him gently across the face, “Won’t you Fish?!”

Josh’s eyes rolled back in his head and everything went black.

 

*****

 

“He’s gonna get it!” said Kyle, smiling from ear to ear as he slipped onto the bench opposite Aaron, “Brax says he can get it!” He’d just spoken to him on the phone and the feeling of relief was truly amazing. It looked like he’d be able to help Josh after all!

“Oh, my God!” exclaimed Aaron, smiling back across at him, “That’s amazing!”

“I know!” grinned Kyle, slipping his hand under the table and giving Aaron’s knee a little squeeze. He’d never wanted to leap across the table and kiss his boyfriend more. It was at times like these that he wished they didn’t have to hide their affection for each other. They only had 16 days left. What was he going to do when he was gone?!

“How?!” asked Aaron, suddenly looking a little more serious. He dropped his voice to a low whisper and leaned towards him. “Where’s he getting it from?!”

“He wouldn’t say” said Kyle, frowning a little, “Brax always has his connections though…” It was something that worried him too. What if he did do something stupid?!

“He’s not gonna end up in here, is he?” asked Aaron, looking concerned, “He’s only just got his life back! The wife, the baby, the whole package…”

“I know” sighed Kyle, “I reckon he has some mates he can borrow it from… Maybe Ash or someone?”

“He has friends that just have ten grand lying around the place?” asked Aaron, raising an eyebrow at him. He still couldn’t quite get his head around the way these Braxtons operated.

Kyle bit his lip and nodded in a guilty sort of way. Aaron came from a family that had always been very law abiding, so the world that Kyle and Brax inhabited was completely alien to him. He’d never really done anything illegal. Not deliberately anyway… He was in prison for manslaughter. He’d been involved in a bar fight when he was only 19 years old, and one foolish, drunken, snap decision had ruined everything! He’d been at a buck’s party and things had simply gotten out of hand. A guy had taken a swing at him, and he’d hit him back, but the guy had fallen and cracked his head off the bar. He’d died instantly. It had been a total accident, but it was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He didn’t think that he’d ever be able to forgive himself. Feuding with drug dealers, and robbing golf clubs, and kidnapping people, was so far removed from the life that he’d known, it wasn’t even funny.

“What about Smithy?” asked Kyle, looking around to make sure that they wouldn’t be overheard, “That mate of yours okay to talk to him for us?”

“Bordino?” said Aaron, “Yeah, he’s sorted.” He thought how funny it was that he’d made all these friends that were proper bona fide criminals. He had friends who’d been drug dealers and friends who had killed people. What had become of that innocent nineteen-year-old boy who’d walked in here 7 years ago?! Here he was, organising dodgy hook-ups with bent guards, so they could exchange $10,000 dollars in dirty cash, for the unauthorised movement of a prisoner from one cell to another. In the words of Andy Dufresne ‘On the outside, he’d been an honest man, straight as an arrow. He’d had to come to prison to be a crook.’

Kyle smiled at him again and then glanced towards the door to the mess hall. He wondered if Josh was still in the infirmary or if he’d been sent back to his cell with Cuddles. He really hoped that they’d kept him in a day or two more. Maybe they could have this all sorted before he had to go back there?!

“I don’t know whether to say anything to Josh when I see him” said Kyle, turning back towards Aaron, “I don’t want to get his hopes up until I’m completely sure.”

“How long does Brax think it’s gonna take?” asked Aaron, “Did he say?”.

“He said he can get it by the end of next week” said Kyle, looking a little worried. He wasn’t sure that Josh could hang on that long, even with the help of the pills he’d given him.

“So…” said Aaron, tilting his head at Kyle and looking more than a little sad, “Maybe he could take my place?” He didn’t know why Kyle hadn’t thought of it himself. It seemed like the obvious solution.

Kyle looked at him in a shocked sort of way. Of course, the countdown had begun, and of course, he knew that Aaron was leaving in a little over two weeks, but it still hadn’t really sunk in. He really was going to lose him! “Uhhh… yeah” he stammered, as he looked away and blinked back a few tears, “I suppose so?”

“It makes sense” said Aaron, reaching across the table and taking Kyle’s hand. For once he didn’t pull away. “At least then you’ll know he’s safe, and you can look after him.” he said. He was trying to put on a brave face but inside his heart was breaking. He didn’t want to go!

Kyle turned to look at him and they gazed into each other’s eyes for a few moments. Kyle wanted more than anything to tell him how he felt. He opened his mouth to say it. Those three little words. The most important words that he could ever say to him... This was the moment! “I…” he began to say, faltering a little when he saw Aaron glance towards the mess hall door, “I…?”

Aaron furrowed his brows and nodded for Kyle to look towards the door. One of their friends whose cell was on Josh’s floor was making his way towards them in a frantic sort of way. Kyle had asked him to keep an eye out for Josh and let him know if they brought him back.

“Tony?” said Kyle, looking up at his red-faced friend who was clearly out of breath, “What’s wrong?! What’s happened?!”

“Paramedics!” puffed Tony, “I saw that mate of yours! …He was being stretchered out by the ambos!”

[Ludub]

Thank you for all the lovely comments  Really hope you like this one! 

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

 

Chapter 7

 

 

“Hey” said Aaron, lying on his front and resting his chin on Kyle’s chest, “I know you’re worried but you don’t know… It’s probably not as bad as people are saying.” He could see how stressed he was about this whole thing, but it was the not knowing that was getting the better of him.

Kyle took his hands away from his face and looked at Aaron with eyes wide with worry. “It better not be as bad as people are saying!” he exclaimed, “There’s all sorts of rumours flying around the place! …That he was gang raped! That they broke his neck! That he’s dead! …What am I supposed to think?!”

“I know” said Aaron, giving him a soft little kiss on the chest, “I know… but you know what this place is like… Anything happens and it’s Chinese whispers…”

“I know” sighed Kyle, gently running his fingers through Aaron’s hair, “I just… I can’t believe they won’t tell me what’s happening! …It’s not like he has anyone else… With Andy in prison too, I don’t even think he has any next of kin… I mean… I don’t think there’s even anyone for them to inform.” He gave an exasperated sigh. “He could be dead for all I know, and they’d never even tell me!”

“He’s not dead” said Aaron, shaking his head at him and hoping that that was the case.

“I just can’t stand not knowing” he groaned, “I wish they’d just tell me what was happening.”

“Could you see if one of your brothers can find out anything?” he asked, pulling himself up the bed a bit to lie by Kyle’s side, “Maybe they could go see him …and see how he is? …Check how bad he is?”

“Maybe” said Kyle, turning onto his side to look at Aaron properly, “I could ask, I guess.” He wondered if Brax or Ricky would be willing to try for him. Surely, they could do that for him?!

“Do you think they’d let them in?” asked Aaron, wondering where the prison would stand on Josh having visitors while under guard. Would they allow Brax or Heath to visit?

“I dunno…” said Kyle, “…but it’s worth a try.” He leaned in, and gave him a gentle peck on the lips, before pulling back and gazing into his big blue eyes. What was he going to do when Aaron was gone?! The thought of it just broke his heart. They were both trying so hard to ignore the ruddy great elephant that was currently packed into their prison cell with them. He was hanging over them and intruding into their day to day lives together. Everything was overshadowed by that one terrible thought. Aaron was leaving! They didn’t have much time left! He tried to push that thought away though. He didn’t want to think about that right now… He reached for Aaron’s hand and interlaced their fingers, pulling it towards him, and pressing a soft little kiss to the back of it. He wanted more than anything to tell him that he loved him. He wanted to say it right now! He’d missed his chance the other day, and the moment had passed with all the Josh-related panic, but he felt like he was going to burst if he didn’t get the words out now. He needed to say it!

“What?!” laughed Aaron, when he realised that something had changed. Kyle was looking at him in a way that he never had before. He suddenly felt a little shy. “Why are you looking at me like that?!” he giggled.

“Like what?!” asked Kyle, tangling his fingers in Aaron’s hair and pulling him in for a hard and passionate kiss. “I love you” he whispered breathlessly, as they broke apart.

“Did you just say what I think you said?!” gasped Aaron, rolling over on top of him with a big smile. He couldn’t hide his surprise.

“I think I did, yeah?” said Kyle, blushing and looking a little embarrassed, “It just… I uh…”

“Say it again?” asked Aaron, leaning down and kissing him on the neck.

“I love you!” said Kyle, rolling him over so that he was on top. He leaned down and started planting soft little kisses on his lips. “I love you!” he said again.

 

*****

 

"You've been very lucky, Josh!" said the Welfare Officer from the prison. He was sitting to the side of Josh’s bed, with a case file in his hands, and looking at him in a sympathetic sort of way, "If the swelling in your throat had been any worse, they might have had to intubate you! Do you have any idea how serious that is?!”

Josh just stared out the window and watched the trees swaying slightly in the breeze. It hurt to breathe in, and it hurt to breathe out… but it hurt even more to speak. Besides, he had nothing to say to this man.

"This was a very serious injury" he continued, shaking his head at him, "You could have died. You could have died very easily indeed!" He reached out and tentatively put his hand on Josh’s knee but quickly took it away again when he saw him flinch. Josh was clearly very jumpy. He gave a little sigh as he followed Josh’s gaze towards the window, and turned sideways in his chair to look out the window too. “Josh?” he said, crossing both arms on the back of his chair and staring out at those same swaying trees, “How am I supposed to help you, if you won’t talk to me? …I’m the Welfare Officer for the prison… For you prisoners… I can help, if you’ll let me.”

Josh clenched his jaw and continued to stare outside. As much as ‘Keith’, the Welfare Officer, wanted to help him, and as well intentioned as he was, it was clear that there was no way out of this for him. His fate was sealed. Alexei would simply have his way with him, and then toss him aside when he was finished, or when there were fresher fish to fry. At that point, he’d either kill him, or sell him on to the highest bidder. There would be no escape for him that didn’t involve rape, and/or death. He glanced sideways just for a moment. He and Keith weren’t alone in this room. Over by the door was the same guard that had locked him in with Alexei that night! That same guard that had turned a blind eye while a gang of white supremacists had tried to strangle him to death! Josh wasn’t about to talk to anyone, Welfare Officer or not! Not while that guy was around! Not only was he standing guard within easy listening distance but he’d taken to smirking at him each time their eyes met. He was in no doubt that this man was in Alexei’s employ.

“You need to tell me what happened.” pleaded Keith, “If it was Mr Petrovski you only have to say the word and we’ll launch an investigation… He’ll be put into segregation!”

Josh pursed his lips and hugged his one free arm across his chest. The other was handcuffed to the side of the bed. He stared out through the window and tried his level best to pretend that the other two weren’t there. He tried to tune them out and concentrate on the sounds outside that window. Down on the ground out there, there were normal people, just going about their normal lives... He could hear their voices as they called out to each other, and sometimes he could even hear their laughter. He couldn’t see them but he could hear them. All he could see was the tops of the trees, another building just across the way, and a clear blue sky up above. He could see that there was a light summer breeze from the way the trees were moving. It was the kind of day for heading to the beach or getting your friends and family together for a barbecue. A perfect summer’s day! People sounded happy... It was such a sharp contrast to the world that he now inhabited. A cold grey world, made of bricks and mortar… and iron bars... and blood… and pain.

“Josh?!” said Keith, sounding increasingly frustrated, “You’ve only been in prison a couple of weeks, and you’ve already been hospitalised twice…” He opened the file again and made a show of scan reading the first couple of pages. “You have a 28 year sentence.” he continued, “How do you see yourself surviving this if you won’t help yourself?!”

Josh glanced at him for a moment, wondering how he could be so stupid, before looking away again. Snitching on Alexei was the one sure-fire way to get himself killed, and nothing about that death would be pleasant! That was one thing he could be certain of! Alexei was covered from head to toe in tattoos, something not all that unusual in a prison environment, but it seemed that his tattoos held a deeper meaning. Alexei had taken some time during their extended ‘foreplay’ session to explain their significance, and he’d even taken Josh’s hand and forced him to run his fingers over each and every one of them. Russian prison tattoos were like a secret language. The two 8-pointed stars on his shoulders meant that he was a man of criminal authority, with ‘connections’, and not someone to be messed with. Someone high up in the Russian Mafia. The dagger through the throat meant that he had killed people while in prison and the drops of blood on the blade indicated how many. There were nine. The skulls and the coffins represented the people that he’d killed on the outside. Josh had counted ten. There was a young girl holding a fishing rod in her hand, and the line was caught on the hem of her dress, hoisting it up a little. That was on the flesh on his abdomen just above his groin. It meant that he’d been convicted of rape. He’d told Josh that it hadn’t been rape, saying that ‘Alexei not rape people’, but admitted that the girl had taken some ‘persuading’… There were a host of other tattoos, all with ominous and threatening connotations, but he’d lost track of them as he totted up the number of deaths on Alexei’s hands. In any case, the message had been simple! Alexei was a mass murderer, a rapist, and a high-ranking member of the Russian mafia. He was not someone that you went tattle-tailing to the authorities about!

“Josh?!” pleaded Keith, sounding a little exasperated, “If you don’t tell me what happened, I won’t be able to help you… and you’ll be sent back there in a few days.” He shook his head at him sadly, taking in the bruised, and battered, and incredibly sad looking young man in front of him. His throat, and the skin around his collarbones, was still a deep black and purple colour, and looked incredibly painful. Added to that, the bloodshot eyes and the bruising around his mouth, and he really did look a pretty pathetic sight. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. “You’ll go back to that same cell…” he continued, using a soft and coaxing voice like you would with a small child, “To your cell with Mr Petrovski… I can’t do anything about that unless you talk to me… Is that what you want, Josh?!”

“Can you please just go?” whispered Josh, in a voice that was so hoarse it was barely audible. He still wasn’t looking at him.

“He speaks!” exclaimed Keith with a nervous little laugh, “I was beginning to wonder if they’d done more damage than we thought!”

Josh closed his eyes and breathed out in an exasperated way. It hurt. “Go!” he said again, in a strangled sort of whisper. His larynx was fractured and he couldn’t raise his voice much above a whisper, “Please?!” 

“I came here to help you” said Keith, softly placing his hand on Josh’s knee again, “This sort of thing shouldn’t be happening… not on my watch!”

Josh turned to look at him and accidentally caught the eye of the guard by the door. He could see him smirking at him and obviously finding this whole thing highly amusing. He looked at Keith with his knitted brow and his red-faced indignation, and rolled his eyes. This Keith guy was never going to let this go, was he?! He’d just keep badgering him for information and trying to get him to implicate his attackers. He needed him to go! He needed him to let it drop! Suddenly, he knew what he had to do! He took a pained breath and stared down at his bedsheets in an embarrassed sort of way. This was going to be humiliating… “It’s not what you think.” he rasped, picking nervously at the bandage on the back of his hand, “This is my fault… We just got a bit… ‘carried away’.”

“What? What do you mean?” asked Keith, looking surprised that Josh was suddenly talking, “Carried away? …What are you talking about?”

Josh glanced at the guard again, noting his amusement, and flushed bright red. This was mortifying but it was the only way that he could see of getting rid of this idiot! “I uh…” he began, in a voice that was raw and hoarse, “Have you ever heard of asphyxiation as a type of… of… Well… that choking can be kind of …erotic?”

“You mean?” said Keith, furrowing his brows at him, “You’re trying to tell me that… that this was consensual?! …Some kind of fetish?!”

Josh nodded and clenched his fists. He wasn’t a very good actor. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of his entire life and talking about it now was forcing him to relive it. He could almost feel that arm across his throat again, crushing the life out of him. ‘Erotic’ certainly wasn’t the word that he would have used to describe it!

“So… you want me to believe that you… what?!” he asked, staring at him in an incredulous way, “You just found someone who was willing to choke you half to death in the showers, in front of everyone else… for… for what?! …Sexual gratification?”

“It’s what happened” wheezed Josh, avoiding eye contact with him, “That’s what happened.”

“Okay?” said Keith, sitting back with his arms folded in a way that said he didn’t believe him, “And who was this… this guy that you just had to have… right there in the showers with everyone watching?!”

“Didn’t get his name.” sighed Josh, feigning a disinterested shrug, “Couldn’t tell you.”

Keith sat across from him and looked down at the file in his hands. He gave a heavy sigh and snapped it shut. What was the point?! It was always the same thing! Some pretty young boy would somehow find himself in Petrovski’s cell, and then fall victim to ‘random’ attacks by faceless assailants that they couldn’t identify, or somehow lose all ability to stand on their own two feet as soon as the door to their cell closed. Collectively, these boys had had more ‘falls’, ‘trips’, and ‘fainting fits’ than one could possibly imagine! He was always hopeful that one of Petrovski’s boys would be brave enough to stand up to him one day, but no-one ever was. ‘Erotic asphyxiation, though?! That’s a first!’ he thought to himself with a sad little smile, ‘Certainly inventive!’

“Well” said Keith, getting to his feet and patting Josh lightly on the arm, “I’m here if you need someone to speak to… if anything ‘changes’”

Josh watched him go and glanced across at the guard. As their eyes met, the guard burst out laughing, and wiped at the tears that had started running down his face.

“That… That was priceless!” huffed the guard, doubling over from the pain in his abdomen, “I thought I was gonna lose it right in front of him! ‘Choking can be erotic!’ …You’re a funny guy, Barrett! That’s a new one on me! ‘Erotic?! …Some kind of fetish?!’ ...Wait till Cuddles hears about this! He’s gonna laugh himself silly!”

Josh just turned and faced the window again. He only had one hope left now but he knew it was an incredibly long-shot. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to manage it, or if it would even work if he did, but the alternative was more of this, and he knew that he couldn’t live this way for much longer. He had one chance to escape this misery, and it would either work out, or he was going to die in the process… He wasn’t sure that he really cared which.

 

*****

 

“Why was this bag under the bed?!” snarled Ricky, as she lugged a gym bag into the living-room, “A bag full of cash?! … Brax, you promised!”.

“Ric, it’s not what you think!” he groaned, turning to look at her with a guilty expression on his face, “It’s for Kyle.”

“For Kyle?!” she repeated, furrowing her brow at him and throwing the bag on the floor at his feet, “Kyle’s in prison! What does he need… What does he need thousands of dollars for?!”

Brax lifted Casey off his knee and set him down on the floor. He got to his feet and walked out to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. He leaned both hands on the kitchen counter and shook his head at her. “He needs it…” he said, giving a shrug, “He asked me for it… That’s all you need to know… I don’t want you getting caught up in this.”

“You don’t want me getting caught up?! Caught up in this?!” she repeated back to him in an exasperated sort of way, “You’re my partner, and the father of my child… and if you get caught, if you get caught doing whatever it is you’re doing, then I’m going to lose you again! …How is that not getting caught up in it?!”

“I’m not going to get caught” he sighed, throwing back his glass of water, “It’s okay, Ric! …It’s nothing… I’ll be careful.”

“I’ll be careful, I won’t get caught!” she repeated, mimicking the tone and deepness of his voice. “How many times have you said that, Brax?!” she asked him angrily, “You can’t make promises like that!”

“Ric, this isn’t like… It isn’t something you have to be worried about… okay?”

“Okay?!” she snorted, “You really don’t get it, do you?! …If you get caught, I will not be waiting for you! I can’t watch you go to prison again… Not this time!” She sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh and ran her hand through her hair. “You just can’t help yourself, can you?!” she asked, rolling her eyes and giving a huff of anger, “You just can’t give up… that... that other life... Can you?!”

“It’s not like that.” he sighed, “Kyle asked for money… He asked for his share from the restaurant because he needs it… It’s as simple as that.”

“What does he need it for?!” she demanded to know, turning to glare at him with narrowed eyes, “I have a right to know! Kyle’s my family too!”

“Fine!” sighed Brax, coming over to sit down beside her. He sat for a moment, rubbing at the back of his neck in a frustrated way. “He needs me to bribe someone…” he said, eventually, “It’s for Josh…”

“Josh? …Wait?! What?!” she asked, turning to look at him in surprise, “You’re going to need to start at the beginning!”

[Ludub]

Thanks once again everyone for the kind comments. I hope you like this chapter (I'm a bit nervous about this one  It's extremely dark! And quite sad... You have been warned!)

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES & SEXUAL CONTENT!

 

Chapter 8

 

 

Aaron rolled over towards Kyle and pulled in close behind him. “Morning!” he whispered, slipping his arm around his waist and planting a tender little kiss on his shoulder, “You awake?”

Kyle shrugged his shoulder away and hugged his arms around himself in a way that made it clear that he didn’t want to be touched.

“Kyle?” said Aaron, sounding a little hurt and surprised, “Are you okay?” He put his hand on his shoulder a little tentatively, and tried to turn him to face him, but he pulled away again. ”Kyle? What’s wrong?!” he asked, sitting up beside him.

“Nothing” he mumbled, keeping his face turned away from him, “Just… Just leave me alone.”

“Kyle? I don’t understand” he said, beginning to softly stroke the hair behind his ear, “Have I done something wrong?” He’d only seen Kyle behave like this once before, and that had been the morning after they’d slept together for the first time. He’d freaked out that time too, giving him the cold shoulder for a couple of days, and his reaction had been more than a little hurtful. Was this because he’d said ‘I love you’ he wondered?! How repressed could he possibly be?!

“No… of course not” muttered Kyle, giving a loud sniffle.

“Are you…?” said Aaron, peering at him in the murky light of the cell. It was still early morning and they hadn’t turned the lights on yet. He could only just about make out the outline of his face. “Are you crying?!”

Kyle didn’t answer him. He just brought one hand up and wiped a little angrily at his face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?!” asked Aaron, lying down beside him again on his back and staring up at the ceiling, “Is this because… Is this… Were you not ready to say it?”

“It’s not that” said Kyle, slowly turning over to face him with tears streaming down his face. His face was red and blotchy and his eyes were rubbed raw. He must have been crying for hours! “I just… I don’t want to lose you!” he said, grimacing as he began to really sob, “I love you… and I’ve been trying to pretend that I don’t… I mean… I’ve been lying to myself for months… Lying… because I know you’re just going to leave me.” He wiped again at his eyes with the heel of his hand and gave a heavy sigh. “And… and now you’ve made me say it! …You’ve made me love you!… and I …I can’t… I won’t get out of here for ten years! And that’s if I’m lucky! …And you’re just going to leave me!”

Aaron rolled over to face him, so their foreheads were touching, and put his arm around his waist again. “I know” he said, in a sad tone of voice, “I’d stay if I could… You know that.” There really wasn’t much else he could say. He was leaving. He was going… There was nothing that he could do about that! Although sometimes he would lose himself in daydreams and fantasies. He wondered if he’d be allowed to stay if he did something bad before they let him out, like kill one of the other inmates, or stab a guard?!  Would they let him stay then?! Maybe they would… Of course, he’d never do something like that, he just didn’t have it in him, but it was nice to dream sometimes.

“I don’t know… how I’m… going to live without you” sobbed Kyle, sniffling and finding it hard to get the words out between sobs. “I just… I love you… and I need you.”

“I love you too” sighed Aaron, wiping at his tears for him, “I don’t know how to live out there… and just leave you here… It’s not fair!”

Kyle reached for Aaron, pulling him down on top of him as he lay on his back, and began to kiss him hard on the mouth. “Please?” said Kyle, stroking the side of his face and shuddering under him as he continued to cry, “I need this!”

Aaron gave a little jump when he felt Kyle’s hand on his inner thigh, making his intentions very clear, and he looked at him a little quizzically. Kyle wasn’t usually one for early morning fumbles for the fear of getting caught. “Really?” he asked, moving his hand down Kyle’s stomach towards the waistband of his jockey shorts, “Now?”

Suddenly they began to tear at each other’s underwear, removing it in a matter of moments, and running their hands all over each other’s naked bodies. Kyle ran his hands over the muscles on Aaron’s back, digging his fingernails in a little, and enjoying the feel of his lover’s body weighing down heavily on his own. They began to make love, trying their best to stifle their moans and be as quiet as possible, so as not to be heard by their neighbours next door. Kyle had to bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out. There was a desperation in their lovemaking this morning, as though they would never get to do it again. It was very rough, and frantic, and full of passion… and unlike any sex that they’d ever had before.

“Aaron!” groaned Kyle, as he climaxed and his whole body shook for a moment. Aaron followed suit a moment later. “I love you” said Aaron, smiling down at him in a sleepy way and planting gentle little kisses on his neck.

“I love you too” whispered Kyle, choking on the words as he began to cry again. They lay there panting, and kissing each other softly in a sad and mournful sort of way. “I love you so much” sobbed Kyle, wrapping his arms around him as he held his lover on top of him, “What am I going to do without you?!”

 

*****

 

4 days later…

 

Josh walked through the door to his cell as though in a daze and sat down on the mattress on his bed. His heart was hammering in his chest at an alarming rate and his whole body was shaking. He’d never been more scared. It was going to happen. Nothing that he could do was going to stop it from happening and tonight was probably going to be the night. He watched as the guard closed the door and listened as the bolt slid into place once more. He was back in this cell. Back in this dreaded place. Alone with Alexei for the next eight hours! He eyed the empty water bottle sitting on the floor beside the bed. It was too late for tonight. Besides, the packet that he needed was hidden in the bedframe down the side of his bed, and Alexei would hear him reaching for it. It was going to have to be tomorrow night. He glanced up at the tattooed legs hanging down over the edge of the bed above him and felt his stomach churn. He could already smell him. The air in the cell was pungent with his body odour and the smells of his last bowel movement. He thought he might be sick.

“So, my little fishy?!” said Alexei, jumping down from his bed and taking that same crouched position that he had before, “How is Fish? He breathe better now?”

Josh stared at him in a dazed and vacant sort of way. His throat was still very bruised and tender, making it very painful to speak, but even if that hadn’t been the case, he didn’t know what to say to him.

Alexei put his hand out towards him and placed it gently on his throat. He winced and grimaced with the pain as Alexei began rubbing his thumb up and down his bruised flesh. “It not look so bad?” said Alexei, tilting his head in a way that might have been confused for sympathy, “Little Fish be good as new in few days.”

Josh let out a little whimper when Alexei trailed his fingers down his neck in a way that was supposed to be seductive and touched his collarbone. It hurt so much!

“Little Fish not like that Alexei touch?” he asked, with a little smile, “Maybe Alexei kiss better instead?” With that, he reached for the bottom of Josh’s shirt and lifted it to pull it off over his head.

“No, please?” begged Josh, looking at him in a scared and tearful sort of way.  He caught hold of his shirt and tried to keep it on. “Please? Not tonight?” he pleaded. He’d seen the lustful way that Alexei had looked at him from the moment that he’d walked in the door tonight. He knew that there was little chance of dissuading him, but he figured that it might be worth a try. Maybe he’d take pity on him? “I’m just so…” he wheezed, “I’m still so sore.”

“Alexei know something that make Little Fishy feel much better… Feel really good!” he said, with a grin on his face. He yanked the shirt off over Josh’s head, making him wince with the pain, and then pushed him forcefully onto his back. “Alexei kiss better!” he insisted, leaning over him with an excited glint in his eye. He began to kiss him on the neck, biting him lightly with his gold-plated teeth, and licking him every so often. Josh clenched his jaw hard and clamped his eyes shut. He was trying to picture himself anywhere other than here! Trying to imagine himself on the beach in Summer Bay. Trying to pretend that this wasn’t happening! He was doing everything in his power to ignore the pain of his bruised body and the disturbing sensations invading his mind. Horrible sensations! Uninvited and unwanted! Alexei’s stubbled chin kept rubbing the tender bruises on his neck, there was a sharp pinching pain each time he took his flesh between his teeth, and it was even harder to ignore the intense heat of his tongue burning its way across his skin… This was revolting! ‘I’m not here’ he kept telling himself, ‘This is happening to someone else… I’m not here!’

“Little Fish trust Alexei?” he asked, suddenly sitting up and looming over him in a very threatening way, “Yes?”

Josh kept his eyes shut and nodded his head. He felt pathetic and defeated, in every sense of the word. He was more scared than he’d ever been in his life and he was having to fight the urge to vomit.

“Little Fish answer when I ask question!” he said, with a sudden flash of anger. He grabbed Josh’s throat in his hand, squeezing it just a little, but more than enough to make him wheeze. Suddenly Josh’s eyes were bulging and his hands were clawing at him frantically as he tried to free himself. All the veins were standing out in his face and he’d turned a dark red colour. Alexei leaned down close to his face until their lips were only centimetres apart. It was as though he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to kiss him or kill him. “Little Fish understand Alexei?!” he demanded to know, as he stared him right in the eye, “Speak!”

“Y- yes… Yes!” coughed Josh, staring up at him in shock and continuing to claw at him in a desperate sort of way. He could hardly breathe! It was happening again! His throat was closing! “Yes” he wheezed again, with what little breath he could force in through his airways. “I trust you!” he mouthed as he started to go blue, “Please?!”

“Good!” grinned Alexei, releasing him and softly patting him on the side of the face as he gasped for air, “Maybe Little Fishy friend and Alexei have some fun tonight, then? Eh?!” 

Josh stared at him in terror as he held his hands to his own throat protectively. He couldn’t stop coughing and the pain was unbearable. It hurt just to breathe. What if it was happening again?! What if his throat was going to swell again?! What would he do?!

“Little Fish wants to have some fun?” he asked again, sounding more than a little impatient. His face had clouded over with anger again because Josh hadn’t answered. He stared at him with narrowed eyes as though he was ready to pounce and attack him again at any moment. There was something so predatory about his gaze. It sent shivers down his spine.

“Yes!” wheezed Josh, nodding at him in a panicked kind of way, “Yes!” His heart was pounding with such force that it felt like it could burst, and his whole body was shuddering now with fear. ‘So, this is it!’ he thought to himself in the saddest way possible, ‘This is how it happens!’

“Good!” exclaimed Alexei, suddenly looking very excited, “Little Fish will enjoy! …I promise!” He ran his hand down Josh’s chest, devouring him with his eyes as he went, and stopped at the waistband of his tracksuit bottoms. He looked up at Josh with a mischievous little smile and said, “Pants come off tonight! Alexei wait long enough!”

 

*****

 

“I’ve had some time to think… and I’m doing the exchange” said Ricky, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows at him, “No arguments, Brax… It’s the way it’s going to be!”

“I’m not letting you do that!” said Brax, shaking his head at her and leaning both hands on the back of the couch. “There is no way I’m letting you do that!”

“You don’t get to decide what I do or don’t do!” she growled at him, “I’m not letting you go to prison! …If you get caught, you know they’ll throw the book at you… If I get caught, it’ll be a first offence, and I can spin some sob story about Josh being like a little kid brother to me.”

“And what if that doesn’t work and you end up in prison?” he asked, shaking his head at her again, “Where would that leave me with Casey?!”

“Oh, so it’s okay for you to leave me holding the baby, is it?!” she shouted at him, “I’m just the little wifey who sits at home like a prison widow, am I?!”

“You know that’s not what I meant” he groaned, glancing at Casey who was playing on the floor unperturbed by all the shouting. What on earth did she think he would do if he suddenly found himself a single father?! He wasn’t made for that! “I just… I can’t let you take that kind of risk” he said, throwing himself down on the couch beside her, “How could I live with myself if I let my… the mother of my child go to prison for something I wasn’t man enough to do myself?!”

“I’m not giving you a choice” she said, picking up the bag of cash. “If you don’t let me do this, I will call the cops right now and I’ll tell them that someone is planning to bribe one of the guards at the prison…” She picked up her phone and held it up a little theatrically. “I’m not bluffing, Brax… I’ll do it!”

“You’ll be handing Josh a death sentence” he said, rubbing at the back of his neck the way he always did when he was stressed, “…and maybe Kyle too!”

“I’m not letting you go to prison!” she said through gritted teeth, “So it’s either my way, or no way at all!”

He shook his head and blew out a big puff of air. “We’ll have to be really careful” he said, turning to look at her in a very worried way, “We can’t take any chances of anyone finding out.”

“I thought you said you were being careful?” she said, narrowing her eyes at him, “I can’t see why it’s any different if I do it instead of you!”

He gave a sigh and nodded slowly at her. “We’ll be extra careful” he said.

“’Oh, don’t worry, Ric!’” she said mimicking his voice, “’We’re being really careful!’ Turns out you weren’t being that careful at all then?!”

“I’ll make the call” he said, sucking on his teeth in an exasperated way, “If you’re absolutely sure?”

“I’m sure” she said, scowling angrily at him, “But you just remember, you’re the one that put us in this position!”

[Ludub]

Thank you again to everyone for taking the time to comment! You guys are great!  Really hope you like this chapter! It's very dark. Darker than previous chapters, if that's possible... You have been warned! 

 

WARNING: ADULT THEMES & SEXUAL CONTENT!!! 

 

Chapter 9

 

 

“Josh?!” said Kyle, approaching him in the queue in the mess hall, “Are you okay, mate?! I’ve been so worried about you!”

Josh stared down at his tray with one small pot of yogurt on it and a bottle of orange juice. “I’m okay” he answered in a strange rasping voice, “I’m okay… I’m okay.” He began to walk away from him towards an empty space at the side of the mess hall, on the opposite side from the white supremacists.

“Josh?!” called Kyle, turning and going after him, “Stop! Hey!”

He caught him by the arm to try to stop him, but he jumped nearly a mile high, putting his hands up in front of himself defensively, and dropping his tray.

“Okay!” he cried, cowering where he stood and hiding his face, “Okay!”

“Josh?! It’s me, Kyle!” he said, holding his hands up in a conciliatory way and looking at him in concern, “Calm down! It’s just me!”

Josh slowly dropped his hands and stared around him in a wide-eyed way as though he wasn’t really seeing what was in front of him. It was almost like he was blind again. He looked dazed and distant, and as though he was lost in another world. “I’m okay” he muttered again, staring straight ahead, “I’m okay.” Kyle stood looking at him with his head tilted to one side sympathetically but he couldn’t help feeling that Josh was looking right through him. What on earth had happened to him?! He was behaving like a zombie! He watched as he crouched down to pick up the yogurt and the bottle of orange juice from the floor. Kyle gathered the plastic spoon for him and handed it back to him. He took it and began to drift away again, moving towards the wall at the side, and shuffling along with his head hanging down in a downtrodden kind of way.

Kyle decided to follow him and took up a space beside him when he leaned against the wall. He watched as he set the orange juice down on the ground by his feet and slowly peeled open the yogurt. His throat was still noticeably bruised, with shades of brown and yellow, and areas of dark red and black too. He watched as he took a small spoonful of yogurt and put it in his mouth. It looked like he was going to be sick for a moment but he saw him close his eyes and grimace as he forced himself to swallow.

“Mate” he said, glancing sideways at him, “Wouldn’t you rather come sit over there with me and my …my cellmate?”

Josh took another spoonful of yogurt and repeated the same process, screwing up his face as he forced the yogurt down. Eating was clearly very painful.

“Josh?” said Kyle, trying again, “I’ve been so worried about you. They wouldn’t tell me what happened to you… and there’s been so many rumours doing the rounds… and I didn’t know what to think! …I tried to get Brax to visit you, but they wouldn’t let him in…” He looked at his neck again and winced a little. It looked so painful! “It looks like they really did a job on you…” he began to say, but as he looked at Josh, it really didn’t seem like he was listening, “Mate?! You’re really worrying me now! What’s happened?!”

“I’m okay” said Josh, taking another mouthful of yogurt and forcing himself to swallow. He stared down at his feet with wide unblinking eyes, “I’m okay”

“Josh, can you stop saying that you’re okay?!” pleaded Kyle, coming to stand in front of him, “You’re clearly not okay! You’re not even remotely okay!” He moved towards him slowly and put his hand under his chin as gently as he could to raise his eyes to his. “Josh?” he said again, “What happened?”

“I’m okay” said Josh, staring at him vacantly, “I’m okay… I’m… I’m okay…”

“Will you come and sit with me and Aaron?” he asked, using the kind of voice that you would with a small child, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? We’ll keep you safe?”

“I’m… I’m okay” he repeated in that strange strangled voice as he took another mouthful of yogurt.

Kyle slowly bent down to pick up his bottle of orange, being careful not to touch him or make any sudden movements that might startle him.  “C’mon, mate?” he said, nodding for him to come with him, “It’s just over here.” He could see Aaron watching the whole scene unfold, furrowing his eyebrows and looking worried. He carefully and gently put his arm around Josh’s shoulder and began to shepherd him towards the table.

Aaron smiled kindly at Josh when they finally got there. “Hi, I’m Aaron” he said, getting to his feet and holding his hand out for Josh to shake, “I’m Kyle’s… cellmate.”

Josh ignored the hand and sat down a little gingerly on the bench opposite. He sat with his half-eaten pot of yogurt in his trembling hands. “I’m okay” he muttered, staring down at the table as he took another mouthful of yogurt and tried to swallow.

“Josh is just a bit… shaken up” said Kyle, sitting down opposite Aaron and giving him a very worried shake of the head. Anyone could see that something was very very wrong. “He’s not really feeling like talking.” he said, in a soft cloying voice. It was like dealing with a toddler.

“What happened to your neck?!” asked Aaron, following Kyle’s lead and talking to him like he would a small child. He tilted his head at him in a pitying way when he saw the deep and tender looking bruises on his throat. “It looks like it really hurts?”

Josh looked up at him slowly and their eyes met for a moment. Aaron had grey-blue eyes that kind of reminded him of Evie, and he had dark hair and pale skin like hers too. They could have been siblings. “I’m okay” said Josh, as his eyes began to fill with tears, “I’m oh… I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not” said Kyle, putting his arm around his shoulder again, “You’re not okay… You need to tell us what happened.”

Josh reached for his bottle of orange, and tried with shaking hands to take the top off, but it wouldn’t open. He slammed it down on the table with a frustrated little huff and tears started to roll slowly down his cheeks.

“Here, let me?” said Aaron, reaching for it and taking the top off for him with one twist. He handed it back with a gentle little smile.

Josh took the bottle and put it to his lips, but when he tried to drink it, he began to choke. He spluttered and coughed and rasped quite violently.

“Mate! Are you okay?!” asked Kyle, realising how stupid that question was as soon as he’d said it. He shook his head and patted him on the back to help him cough. He looked across the table and widened his eyes at Aaron in a ‘what the hell has happened here?!’ kind of way.

“I’m okay” gasped Josh, wheezing and setting the orange juice down again, “I’m okay.”

“Mate, can you please just try to say something else?!” sighed Kyle, pulling his fingers through his own hair in a frustrated sort of way, “Anything else!”

“Josh?” tried Aaron, reaching across and gently putting his hand on top of his, “Can you tell us what happened?” He was quite shocked at Josh’s appearance and at the way that he was behaving. He’d seen some of Cuddle’s other boys over the years but they’d never been quite this battered and bruised. Traumatised? Yes… But beaten within an inch of their lives? No.

Josh looked up at Aaron for a moment and something suddenly changed in his face. He glanced at Kyle beside him in a startled sort of way and then gazed around the room as though he was seeing it for the first time. He looked a little bewildered, like he had no idea how he’d got there.

“Josh? We can’t help if we don’t know what’s happening” said Kyle, looking at him with concern, “You can tell us...”

“I can’t” he whispered, hugging his arms around himself as he tried not to cry. It was a losing battle though. The tears were already streaming down his face as he stared down at the table. “I can’t.” he repeated, hanging his head and rocking slightly. All he wanted was to try to forget. He wanted to reach inside his skull and claw out the part of his brain that remembered anything to do with last night. If he could have done that right now, he would have.

“We can go somewhere else to talk if you need to?” said Aaron, throwing Kyle a wide-eyed look of real concern. He could only imagine what must have taken place last night but all the signs were there. “We can go to our cell and have a proper talk?” he offered.

“I can’t talk about it” said Josh, clamping his eyes shut and shaking his head quite violently, “Not ever.” After a moment or two, he turned to look at Kyle, and gave a heavy sigh. “I’m gonna use the pills tonight” he said, talking through gritted teeth and breathing out rapidly through his nose, “I don’t have any other choice!”

 

*****

 

“We have to do something!” said Aaron, watching Kyle as he washed his face at the sink, “You know we need to get him some help.”

“Yeah… but… If he goes into the psych ward, you know I won’t be able to get him transferred… not to this cell anyway” said Kyle, picking up a towel and drying his face, “It’s just another couple of nights.”

“A couple more nights?!” exclaimed Aaron, “I don’t think there’s any ‘just’ about that! …Did you not see him today?! That boy’s broken… well and truly broken.”

“I know” groaned Kyle, “I don’t know what to do!” He walked over and sat down cross-legged on the mattress in front of him. He reached out and took Aaron’s hand in his and gave him a worried sort of half-smile.

“Do you really think he can hang on for three more days?” asked Aaron, staring into space as he tried to imagine what those three days would entail. Cuddles was a frightening looking prospect even when viewed from a safe distance. He was an enormous and very imposing man, standing over two metres tall, and there was something hulking and gorilla-like about him too. Like a giant Silverback just asking for an excuse to rip your head off! He had a fearsome reputation, commanding a huge amount of respect, and was known for his brutality and cruelty. He looked like he could crush your skull in one hand if he wanted to! Being locked in a cell with him, trapped, and completely at his mercy?! He shuddered at the thought of it.

“I don’t know” sighed Kyle, running his fingers through his hair and blowing out a big breath, “I don’t know what to do for the best.”

Kyle gazed at Aaron as he sat there in front of him, feeling grateful for his support, and wondering what life was going to be like when he wasn’t there anymore. His life had revolved around him, and their relationship, from about his second week in prison. They’d rarely spent much time apart. They’d even managed to get yard work together for their work detail. They slept together, showered together, ate together, worked together… They were each other’s worlds. Suddenly that was going to stop. Aaron was just going to walk out through that gate, and he would have to build a new life for himself without him. It was like he was dying. They only had three days left to say goodbye.  He looked at him and felt an overwhelming surge of love and sadness. It actually made his heart hurt. Aaron had given him so much over these last ten months. He’d given him love and kindness, and a sense of safety and security, and that was something that very few people had in a place like this. He’d taken him in his arms, and into his heart, and he’d looked after him. He wasn’t sure that he would have coped without him and he didn’t know what he was going to do once he was gone. Getting used to prison had been incredibly hard, but he’d always had Aaron by his side to help him. Being here on his own was going to be tough.  It wasn’t about sex, although that had been a revelation, and he was definitely going to miss it. It was more about the times that they’d spent just lying there together and talking. He’d miss that the most. They’d shared so much. He’d told him more about himself than he’d ever told anyone. None of his previous relationships had been this open and honest. None of them had felt this intense. Sharing a cell, and being locked in together for hours on end, had forced a closeness and an intimacy that he could never have imagined. The Kyle of ten months ago would have been very shocked! He’d never even considered a relationship with a man before he’d met Aaron, and he still couldn’t really make sense of how it had happened or why. He didn’t think that he’d ever looked at a man in that way before. With Aaron, it had started as a close friendship, but an attraction had simply grown over time. Aaron had always known that he was gay, but for him, coming to terms with his feelings had been a major hurdle. The physical side of things had been even more difficult because of his own preconceptions and worries. He’d imagined a lot of unpleasantness that just wasn’t the case. He still wasn’t sure that he would identify as ‘gay’ if asked, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he was in love with a man, and that he enjoyed gay sex. He was still quite confused. All he really knew was that he loved Aaron in the most pure and simple way possible. Losing him was going to be so hard! He felt like his heart was being torn in two and sometimes he felt like he couldn’t breathe…

“Do you think he’ll get it together enough to do it?” asked Aaron, looking at him in a worried way, “I mean, he seemed pretty out of it?”

“I don’t know” said Kyle, shaking his head, “I’m not even sure it’s a good idea.”

“It is a very big gamble” said Aaron, furrowing his brow at him, “I don’t know if I’d have the guts to do it… I don’t! …I think I’d bottle it!”

Kyle nodded and stared down at the mattress. He wasn’t sure that he would have the guts to do it either, but he’d seen the desperation in Josh’s eyes earlier. He was in no doubt that he was going to try. On the one hand, he hoped that it would work, but he was scared for him too.  He wondered if he’d done the right thing in giving it to him in the first place. What if it backfired and it didn’t have the effect that they wanted?! For all he knew, it was all just hearsay, and it wouldn’t work that way at all! It was a gamble of gargantuan proportions and a lot could go wrong. He was frightened for him! It would either bring the nightmare to an abrupt end, or Josh would have the worst night of his entire life, and that was saying something!

 

*****

 

Josh walked into his empty cell and looked back into the hallway in a fearful sort of way. He’d seen Alexei heading to the shower room a moment earlier so he figured he had a few minutes at least to sort things out. He climbed onto his bed on his knees and reached down the space between the bedframe and the wall. He began to feel around the metal frame to the place where he was sure he’d stashed it. His heart began to race when he didn’t find it immediately. It had to be there! It had to be! If it wasn’t there, then it meant that Alexei had already found it, and if he’d read the note then he was a dead man! He began to sweat… He ran his hand frantically along the metal strip below the mattress, searching for the small packet, and failing to find it.

“Oh God!” he muttered to himself, feeling his heart thumping and beginning to hyperventilate, “Oh God! No!”

He glanced back towards the doorway to make sure that he hadn’t been seen, and then vaulted off the bed, and onto his knees on the floor. His ribs were still quite tender, but he ignored the pain, moving quickly in his sheer panic to find it. He got down as low as he could and peered underneath the bunkbed. His heart gave a leap when he saw it! It must have been knocked out of its hiding place with all the movement and jostling about last night! There in the corner by the leg of the bed was a small package wrapped in notebook paper. It was still there after all!

“Thank God!” he whispered to himself as he crawled underneath to retrieve it. He opened the handwritten letter from Kyle and emptied the 6 little pills out into the palm of his hand. “Okay, you can do this” he said to himself, as he grabbed Alexei’s water bottle from the floor beside the bed. It was already filled with his beige coloured protein supplement and ready to drink before bed. Alexei spent about four hours a day out in the yard lifting enormously heavy weights and posturing for anyone that wanted to look. He was a revolting man but he strutted about like a peacock and was obviously very proud of his physique.  Josh went to the door and checked that no-one was coming. He went quickly to the sink and filled the metal cup that they kept with a little water. He dropped the pills into the cup and swilled it around to make them dissolve. He helped things along a little with his finger until he had a thin white solution which he poured into Alexei’s bottle. He closed the bottle and gave it a bit of a shake before repositioning it on the floor where he’d left it.

He stood for a moment staring at it and wondering if this was a wise idea or not. Alexei was an enormous man. Would 6 pills be enough?! If it wasn’t enough then he was going to be in for the worst ten hours of his life, and there would be nothing that he could do about it. He wondered whether to back out now. He could ‘accidentally’ spill it before he got a chance to drink it. He could still do that, and Alexei would be none the wiser. His heart was thudding loudly in his ears and he was sweating like he’d never done before. Was he crazy?! What if Alexei figured out what he’d done?!

“Ah, Little Fishy!” exclaimed Alexei, as he came through the door with a big smile, “This, I like to see! Waiting patiently for Alexei, eh?!… Little Fish is excited for tonight, yes?! …Can’t wait for more?!” He came over to him and brushed his hair behind his ear in a gentle sort of way, before giving him a kiss on the lips and forcing his tongue inside his mouth. “Alexei be more gentle tonight” he whispered as he pulled away from him, “Not so hard this time.”

Josh grimaced and retched a little as he watched Alexei turn away from him. He wanted to scrub his mouth out with bleach.

“So!” said Alexei, picking up his bottle of protein shake and downing about half of it in a couple of gulps, “Little Fish and Alexei good friends now… This make me happy! We have nice time tonight! …Little Fishy learn lots of new things… Nice things... Feel really good!”

Josh nodded and looked down at the floor. He hoped for the love of God that he hadn’t just given him the best gift that he could ever have hoped for. He was so scared that he felt like his heart might burst.

Alexei drained his bottle and narrowed his eyes at him. “What does Fishy have to say for self?” he asked, in a coaxing sort of voice like you’d use with a naughty child, “Alexei teach little fishy friend… teach him out of… how you say? …Out of ‘goodness of heart’! …So?! Polite Little Fish says what?”

“Th …Thank you” stammered Josh, finding it difficult to raise his voice above more than a hoarse whisper. It sounded cracked and strangled. “Thank you, Alexei.” he said again, glancing up at him for a moment in a fearful way. He’d made him thank him a number of times throughout his ordeal last night, half strangling him when he failed to comply fast enough, and frightening the life out of him.  While he often thought that he’d be better off dead, and thought about taking his own life all the time now, survival instinct was a powerful thing. He found himself debasing himself, and doing the most revolting things, just to stay breathing… and he loathed himself for it. He didn’t know if he’d ever get over it! “Thank you for teaching me.” he mumbled in a defeated way.

Suddenly he heard the door-hinges give a loud creak and he looked sideways at the guard as the door swung closed. The bolt gave a loud clank and Alexei smiled at him as he began to strip down naked. “Alexei go number 2 first” he announced as he swaggered to the toilet butt naked and sat down, “Then we get started.”

 

*****

 

Josh lay on the bed face down, shuddering and shaking, and hiding his face in his arms. He was relieved to feel Alexei climb out of the bed, and turned his head for a moment to watch him as he walked away towards the toilet. It had been over two hours since he’d taken the pills, and they seemed to have kicked in, because things hadn’t lasted quite this long last night. He’d begun to wonder if it was ever going to end.

Alexei stood before the toilet bowl and gave a little groan as he strained and tried to urinate in vain. “Go down!” he growled, talking to his own swollen appendage, “Alexei need to pee…” He followed this with what Josh took to be a string of whispered Russian expletives.

“Mrrrrhhhhhhmmmm!” he cried as he tried to force himself to urinate. Nothing would come out. He began to pace up and down the cell, whispering something to himself, and keeping his eyes closed. The pills definitely seemed to be having the desired effect. The veins down either side of his penis seemed to be bulging in an unnatural and painful looking way. It looked as though they might burst at any moment! He walked back and forth, back and forth, clenching his jaw and sweating. Minutes passed, and there was no sign of things dissipating. If anything, it was getting worse! He stopped in his tracks, looking down at the large and throbbing body part, and took hold of it in an angry way. He began to swear loudly, and tried to force it into a downward position, crying out in pain when he realised that that wasn’t possible. He clearly needed to urinate with great urgency, having left it to the last moment, but he had no means of release, and the pain and pressure was building. His bladder was at bursting point! He was sort of dancing around the place now and he turned to look at Josh in a frightened sort of way. “Something is wrong!” he said, looking shocked and confused, and almost a little vulnerable, “Alexei’s water does not work!”

“Just give it a minute” wheezed Josh, looking up at him and feigning sympathy, “Maybe you’re just too… excited?”

Alexei nodded at him, and continued to pace the floor in a desperate sort of way. He kept whispering to himself, and grimacing as the pain and the pressure built. The offending member had begun to turn a dark purple colour, and when he tried to touch it, he recoiled in agony. “Oh, my God!” he gasped, clutching at his chest with one hand and putting two fingers on his own throat to feel his pulse. “Alexei have heart attack!” he gasped. He collapsed in a heap on the floor and started to hyperventilate, wriggling around with the pain in his abdomen and chest. He was in a bad way.

Josh sat up on the bed and reached for his underwear off the floor. “Calm down” he said, in as soothing a voice as he could manage with his swollen vocal chords, “You’re not having a heart attack… You can’t be!” He crouched down beside him and pretended to look concerned. “I think it’s just a panic attack… Just try to slow your breathing.”

“Alexei knows how he feels!” he whined at him, with eyes wide with fear. There was something child-like about him now as he lay there in pain. “Little Fish needs to call doctor!” he pleaded, “Please?!”

“Okay! Okay!” said Josh, getting to his feet. He went to the door and pressed the emergency call button. He needed Alexei and the guards to believe that he’d had no part in this.

Alexei made a sudden grunting squealing noise, like an injured pig, and collapsed over on his side. He lay there cradling his stomach and clutching at his heart. “Mrrrrhhhhhhmmmmm!” he cried out, pulling his knees towards his chest and sweating profusely. He was obviously in an enormous amount of pain. Josh wondered if his bladder might have ruptured.

He crouched down beside him again and grimaced a little as he forced himself to take his hand. Touching this man in any way made his stomach churn. “You’ll be okay” he whispered, playing his part to the best of his ability, “They’re coming… You’ll be okay.”

[Ludub]

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read and comment. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas!  I also hope you like this chapter...

 

WARNING: VERY ADULT THEMES!

 

Chapter 10

 

Josh leaned his head on his hand and fidgeted in his chair. They’d left him for a lot longer than expected this time and it was making him nervous. He guessed that that was what they wanted. He was exhausted and very shaken up and still reeling from the night’s events.  After Alexei had been rushed away, the warden had brought him in for questioning, and they’d been interrogating him for the last few hours. He’d been surprised to find that he wasn’t really a suspect. They all seemed to think that he was too beaten down, and too pathetic a specimen, to have taken such drastic action. It must have seemed highly unlikely that someone being raped would prolong their ordeal by giving their rapist Viagra. He’d overheard the guards joking about him, and about Alexei and his 600mg overdose. It seemed that that was 12 times the recommended dose. Something they all seemed to find highly amusing. Alexei had suffered a massive stroke and wasn’t able to communicate anymore. He’d sustained serious injury to his penis too and they’d had to perform some kind of surgery called a ‘fasciotomy’. He’d heard the guards hooting with laughter about it and seen them gesturing in crude ways to their own groins. From what he could make out, it involved slicing the penis open to allow the blood to escape. There also seemed to be some question over whether they would need to amputate or not! He was shocked that it had had such serious repercussions, but he couldn’t pretend not to be relieved. He’d had to put himself through hell to get here, and nearly killed Alexei in the process, but Cuddles wouldn’t be having his way with Little Fish again any time soon! Or anyone else for that matter...

Strangely, there seemed to be some suggestion that Alexei had been targeted by the white supremacists in the prison.  The guards wanted Josh to implicate someone called ‘Kurt Weissman’. They’d been questioning him over and over, asking if he’d seen anyone coming and going from their cell, or if he’d seen Kurt or any of his crew hanging around in the hallway outside. He’d guessed that Kurt Weissman was the man who had attacked him in the shower, but quite why he was the chief suspect in all of this was unclear. Kurt and Alexei seemed to have a history though. Some sort of rivalry between the white supremacists and the Russian mafia. All very complicated. The other suspect was someone called ‘Vasily’, another member of the Russian mafia, who seemed to be Alexei’s second in command.

Josh had been questioned by the warden and then by some of the guards. They’d done the ‘good cop, bad cop’ routine, alternating back and forth, and pressuring him to give them an answer. Some of them had feigned sympathy and pretended to want to help. Others had used threats of violence. One had come in, saying his name was ‘Steve’, and talking to him like they were best friends. Steve had tilted his head at him in a sympathetic way and asked him if he’d been having a ‘tough time’. He’d skirted around the issue of him being a rape victim, asking if he was scared of the other inmates, and offering to protect him. All he’d have to do was answer their questions. All he’d have to do was say that it was the white supremacists that had done it. All of this could be over if he just played ball. They knew that he’d been attacked by the Weissman crew. They knew that that was why he had the bruises on his neck. Surely, he’d like to see them punished? Steve had done his best to convince him, but he’d kept his mouth shut. How much of an idiot did they think he was?!

He glanced at the door and wondered, in a weary way, what they’d try next. He was tired and sore and all he wanted to do was sleep. He didn’t remember the last time that he’d slept through the night without having to be alert and watch for dangers. Months ago, probably… He sat for a few more moments, feeling his eyelids getting heavy, before giving in and leaning across the table with his head on his arms. He gave a heavy sigh as he allowed himself to drift off…

Suddenly the door slammed and he gave a terrible jump. It was the guard that worked for Alexei. He walked towards him with a strange smile on his face, pulling out the chair with a loud screech of the chair-legs, and sitting down opposite. With his arms folded across his chest, he just sat there and stared at him for what felt like an eternity.

Josh squirmed a little and tried his best to keep his eyes fixed on the table. Something about the way that this man was looking at him made him feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t unlike the way that Alexei had looked at him.

“Was it you?” the guard asked eventually, raising his eyebrows at him, “Did you finally get the guts to stand up to him?... Hey, Little Fish? …Did the fish get his own back on the fisherman?”

Josh didn’t answer. He just stared down at the table and hugged his arms around his chest.

“Well?!” yelled the guard, slamming his hand down to make him jump, “Was it you?!”

“N-n-no” stammered Josh, looking up at him for a moment and hoping that he wouldn’t see through him, “No, it wasn’t”

The guard stared him in the eye for a moment, as though he was sizing him up, and then leaned back in his chair again. “Nah… didn’t think so.” he laughed, “You’re one of those ones, aren’t you? The ones who just lie down and take it?”

Josh grimaced and pulled his arms a little tighter around his chest. He knew what he was trying to do. He knew that he was trying to get a rise out of him but he wasn’t going to let him.

“Maybe you like that kind of thing?!” he asked with a mocking kind of sneer, “Maybe that’s exactly the kind of thing you enjoy?! …Bit of alone time with a big strong man like Cuddles?”

Josh glanced at him for a moment with a flash of anger in his eyes. He regretted it immediately but he couldn’t help it. He was angry!

“That’s it, isn’t it?!” laughed the guard, slapping his thigh in an exaggerated way, “Alexei got himself a good one, didn’t he?!” He leaned across the table towards him and grinned in a cruel sort of way. “Tell me” he said, raising his eyebrows at him suggestively and emphasising every word, “What did it feel like… him on top of you like that, just grinding away there?! That big sweaty body of his… That huge…”

“Stop it!” snapped Josh, clamping his eyes shut, “Please?! Just stop it!” The smells and sensations of last night were flooding back through his mind and making him feel sick to his stomach.

The guard grinned from ear to ear. “You couldn’t get enough of it, could you?!” he continued, giggling a little viciously, “You wanted him, didn’t you?! You gave him that stuff to keep him going for longer… Didn’t you?! A nice big stiff one! ..You wanted it, didn’t you?!”

“I didn’t” growled Josh, shaking his head and trying to block it all out, “I didn’t want it… I didn’t…” He looked like he was about to vomit. He brought his hand up and covered his mouth as he began to retch.

“Oh, yeah!” laughed the guard in a teasing sort of way, “That’s what they all say… Give it a few weeks and they’re trailing after Cuddles like a little lapdog with their noses stuck right up his backside!” He looked at him again with a nasty smirk on his face. “You’re just the same as all the other ones… You did everything he asked you to, didn’t you? …Didn’t even take much persuading?!”

Josh made a sudden dash to the side of the room and leaned his hand against the wall as he began to vomit. He retched and retched while the guard just sat there laughing. When he’d finished, he stood facing the wall, shaking and breathing heavily, as he tried to calm himself down. Some of what the guard had said had struck a chord. ‘I allowed this stuff to happen to me’, he thought to himself. ‘I didn’t fight hard enough… This is all my fault!’

“You gave him the Viagra, didn’t you?” the guard asked again.

“I didn’t give him that stuff!” said Josh, talking through gritted teeth and shaking where he stood. He turned to look at him, glaring at him angrily. “It wasn’t me! Do you think I wanted… wanted him on me… for any longer than he had to be?!” “

“Then who did?” asked the guard, crossing his arms across his chest again and looking him up and down, “You know… This would all be a whole lot easier if you’d just give us a name… I mean, we’re pretty sure we know who it was… We just need a witness.” He nodded for Josh to sit down again.

Josh shook his head and shrugged as he sat down opposite him. He wasn’t going to say anything. Apart from the obvious fact that it hadn’t been them, implicating some of the scariest men in this prison in a crime of any sort, was obviously a death wish. Were they all mad?!  

They sat in silence for a moment, with Josh staring at the table in front of him and trying to fight the waves of nausea still crashing over him. “I didn’t see anything.” he said quietly, “I didn’t”

“Okay… if that’s the way you want to play it” said the guard, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head in a relaxed sort of way, “Just so you know, though… I can make your life a whole lot more difficult.”

Josh glanced up at him for a moment and wondered how much worse his life could possibly get. He hadn’t exactly had an easy time of it so far!

The guard smirked at him, as though reading his thoughts. “There are worse people in this prison than Alexei Petrovski, you know?” he said, giving a little laugh, “Much worse… I mean… I could definitely find you a nice warm bed in one of their cells… You’d find them a little less… ‘cuddly’” He reached across and ruffled his hair in a patronising kind of way that made him flinch. “You’d be missing your old mate Alexei then, wouldn’t ya?!”

Josh stared down at the table, but much to his own disgust, he began to shake quite noticeably. He didn’t want him to know how scared he was. “I told you… I … I… don’t know anything…” he stammered. He looked up at him for a moment and gave a little shrug. “Maybe he… m-maybe he took it himself?”

The guard looked at him with interest. “You think… You think Cuddles took 600mg of Viagra of his own accord?!” he said, raising his eyebrows at him “…Do you have any idea how much that is?!”

“I don’t know” said Josh, doing his best to look innocent, “But maybe he… maybe he was having …’trouble’?”

The guard considered this for a moment. It was possible. Alexei Petrovski was in his mid-50s and he’d been taking all sorts of weightlifting supplements for years to build his colossal physique. Maybe it had finally taken its toll on his ability to perform? Maybe Cuddles just couldn’t get it up?

“…And he’s a very big man… Maybe he thought he needed a bigger dose…” offered Josh, grimacing as he spoke, “Has he said anything?”

“He’s not talking” said the guard, looking almost sorry for Alexei, but probably wondering where his next pay cheque was going to come from, “He can’t talk.”

“Is he gonna be okay?” asked Josh, finding it hard to hide his relief, “I mean… Is he going to recover?”

“They don’t know” said the guard, looking at him with renewed suspicion, “But there’s gonna be war in here now Alexei’s out of the picture.”

Josh looked up at him in a confused sort of way.

The guard gave a little snort. This New Fish really didn’t understand prison politics at all. “Alexei was the ‘King’” said the guard, in a patronising way, “Someone basically just killed the King… There’s gonna be a lot of bloodshed before there’s a new one.” He got to his feet and made his way towards the door. “I’d watch my back Little Fishy… You might find that your ‘special hugs’ with Cuddles Petrovski were the only thing keeping you alive! …You’re fair game now!”

 

*****

 

Things had gone on and on for hours like that, with endless questioning! He’d held out. He’d kept his mouth shut. He hadn’t put the blame on anyone else. He’d taken their insults and their threats, and he’d even taken their physical violence… He’d gone somewhere else in his mind for a while. He was getting good at that.

They’d brought him back to his cell eventually though and locked him back in… Back where it had all happened… Back to his cramped and squalid cell…

The door clanged shut. He backed up and pressed his body against it trying to get as far away from the bed as he possibly could. He wanted out. He needed out! This was the last place that he wanted to be. It was the one place that he’d never wanted to set foot again but they’d brought him back here. He tried to hold his breath, and when that failed, he covered his mouth and nose with his hand. He was going to be sick again! He wasn’t sure if it was just his imagination, but to him, the whole place still stank to high heaven of Alexei. It was as though the very essence of his being had impregnated the walls and the floors, and every inch of the cell was awash with his body fluids. It was everywhere! He couldn’t escape it. What was worse was knowing that he smelled of him too. He hadn’t been able to wash yet. He’d had to sit there for hours, knowing that Alexei’s scent was on him… He’d marked him like a dog marks its territory.  The blanket on his bed was still in disarray, tangled in a swirl on the mattress, and exactly how he’d left it four hours ago. He looked at that blanket in the dim light and wondered what a crime scene investigator would see if they were to turn up now with one of those black lights. He shuddered to think. Blood, and semen, and sweat, and tears… painting a picture in no uncertain terms of what had taken place here. Cuddles had had his way with Little Fish tonight, just like the other night, and he’d done it because he’d let him. He’d let him do it because he hadn’t been strong enough to stop him. He felt weak and pathetic. ‘Andy wouldn’t have let this happen to him!’, he thought to himself, ‘Andy would have fought back… Andy would have died fighting!’ He’d allowed himself to be a victim… Bit by bit, he’d allowed that man to take his dignity and every ounce of self-respect that he’d ever had. He’d allowed him to use him in the worst ways possible. He was ashamed of himself. He knew that he wouldn’t get to see Andy for the next 28 years, but right now, he couldn’t imagine ever being able to look him in the eye again.  It was bad enough that Kyle and his cellmate knew! That everyone in this prison knew! It was humiliating! The thought of what had happened in that bed made him feel sick to his stomach. He could still feel it now. Feel it in his body. The sensations played themselves over in his mind, reverberating through him, like the shockwaves after an earthquake. He remembered every sickening moment of tonight’s ordeal… He couldn’t shut it out.

He slumped down the door and pulled his knees up to his chest. His whole body hurt. Everything hurt. He began to cry, and that hurt too… He was shivering despite the summer heat, and the hardness of the concrete floor was doing nothing to ease his suffering, but he couldn’t sleep in that bed again. Not ever! He glanced at the shelving over by the wall, squinting and trying to make out the shapes in the dim light. He saw the few items of prison-issued clothing that belonged to him, still folded on one of the shelves. He climbed slowly onto his knees, and crawled over to it, pulling a sweatshirt, a t-shirt, and a pair of tracksuit bottoms off the shelf. He crawled back to his space by the door, with them bundled in his arms, and made himself a makeshift bed to lie down on. He wrapped his arms around himself and pulled his knees up to his chest so he was lying in a sort of foetal position. He gave a miserable little sigh, and just lay there staring into space. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but he wasn’t sure that he could close his eyes. He was terrified… What if Alexei came back?! What if him being gone was just a dream, and when he’d open his eyes again he’d be back in that bed, with him still on top of him?! What if this was the fantasy?! What if it wasn’t over?! …What would he do then?! He tried to keep his eyes open…

That guard’s words were still ringing in his ears too. He’d whispered to him before he’d closed the cell door. “Watch your back, Barrett! …You’ve just lost the only protection you ever had!”

 

*****

 

“Josh?!” exclaimed Kyle, jostling the other inmates out of the way to get to him. “Hey!” he said, as he reached him, “Josh?! Are you okay?” He took his arm and pulled him out of the queue in the mess hall.

“Hi” muttered Josh, staring down at his feet. He couldn’t bring himself to meet his eye.

“Josh? What happened?!” asked Kyle, whispering quietly, “Did you do it?! …I keep hearing rumours this morning… Is it true?!”

Josh just nodded and continued to stare at the ground.

“Okay, come on” said Kyle, dragging him towards Aaron at one of the tables across the room, “Come on!”

Josh followed meekly, nervously scanning the faces of the other prisoners as they passed. He could feel their stares as he walked past them, and flushed red with shame when he saw them laughing and whispering. The shower this morning had been enough of an ordeal but he seemed to be drawing attention wherever he went. He was sure that they knew about him and Alexei, and what had happened the last couple of nights, and he was sure that they were laughing at him too. ‘One of Cuddles’ boys’ he thought to himself, with a little wave of nausea, ‘Pathetic and weak’.

They reached Aaron and sat down at his table. “You okay, Josh?” asked Aaron, keeping his voice low, “We’ve been worrying about you all night.” He could see how shattered he looked and couldn’t help feeling sorry for him.

“I’m okay” said Josh, avoiding eye contact with him and wrapping his arms around his chest. He knew from the tone of his voice that he meant the sexual assault and not the later developments. “Can we not talk about it…” he said, fidgeting a little, “Please?” He glanced around quickly to see if everyone was still looking at him. He felt like all eyes were on him. He looked behind him again, scanning the faces at the tables around them for any sign of Kurt’s crew. What if they were coming after him now?! He turned back and glanced at Kyle momentarily. “Have you uh… have you seen… those guys around this morning?” he whispered, ‘The guys who broke my nose?”

“No” said Kyle, looking a little nervous, “They’re saying the warden took them in for questioning…”

Josh nodded and stared down at the table again. “They think it was some guy called Kurt… Did you… did you know that would happen?”

“Yeah” admitted Kyle, “I kinda did”

 “So, you let me… you let me start World War 3?!” he asked, looking up at him with a little flash of anger, “I didn’t know who Alexei was… but you’ve been here a while… You knew how high up he is… Those guards said I’ve kicked off a war between the Russians and the white supremacists?!”

“Maybe” said Kyle, grimacing at him, “But it’ll probably blow over.”

“Then why is that guy over there looking at me like that?” he whispered, nodding in the direction of a large bald man who was glaring at him from across the room. He looked like a bulldog in human form.

Kyle followed his gaze, and then widened his eyes at Aaron. He was clearly worried now. “That’s uh… That’s Vasily Ivanovich” he said, “He’s uh… one of Alexei’s guys”

“Great!” groaned Josh, shaking his head and giving an exasperated little laugh, “Making even more friends now… Thanks, Kyle!”

“It’ll be okay” said Kyle, in a way that was very unconvincing, “They all think the other guys did it…”

Aaron nodded at him and gave a nervous half-smile. “Kurt and his guys will think Vasily wanted Alexei’s spot” he said, “…and Vasily will think Kurt put out a hit on his boss…”

“You’ll be in the clear…” said Kyle, patting him on the arm in a tentative sort of way, “…and you won’t have to worry about Cuddles anymore.”

“Unless they all think the New Fish did it…” he replied, feeling the eyes of the whole room on him, “…and I end up a target for both groups!” He put his elbows on the table and rubbed his face in both hands. “I’m a dead man, aren’t I?!”