Guest Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 Great chapter Glad Tom enjoyed his birthday with the family. wonder why Tom got called into Ben's office. I look forward to more update again soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inactive User Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 Great chapter Liked how Tom enjoyed his birthday with his family Wondering why Ben wanted to call Tom into his office Update soon please xx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Forever Missed Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 uh oh Tom's about to get retrenched! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan F Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 OK...I think it's gone far enough now without anyone saying anything. So far I've seen only two or three original lines. The rest is simply a transcription, word for word, of the Pilot episode. We have a script for that somewhere on the site already so there's not a lot of point in typing the rest up. I would suggest taking some time to work on your next update in order to turn it into your own story, otherwise the thread will have to be closed. As someone else has mentioned, try and make your posts longer too rather than posting short snippets - if you work on it offline in Word or suchlike you'll find it much easier. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Forever Missed Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 On 10 January 2016 at 8:32 PM, Bobby Forever Missed said: Great update but may i suggest making your chapters longer? that way we as readers can get lost in the story that was me Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackpittorino Posted January 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) 14 hours ago, Dan F said: OK...I think it's gone far enough now without anyone saying anything. So far I've seen only two or three original lines. The rest is simply a transcription, word for word, of the Pilot episode. We have a script for that somewhere on the site already so there's not a lot of point in typing the rest up. I would suggest taking some time to work on your next update in order to turn it into your own story, otherwise the thread will have to be closed. As someone else has mentioned, try and make your posts longer too rather than posting short snippets - if you work on it offline in Word or suchlike you'll find it much easier. It's my story I don't tell you how you write your stories so don't tell me how I write mine. I had put a lot of effort into writing this chapter 14 hours ago, Dan F said: OK...I think it's gone far enough now without anyone saying anything. So far I've seen only two or three original lines. The rest is simply a transcription, word for word, of the Pilot episode. We have a script for that somewhere on the site already so there's not a lot of point in typing the rest up. I would suggest taking some time to work on your next update in order to turn it into your own story, otherwise the thread will have to be closed. As someone else has mentioned, try and make your posts longer too rather than posting short snippets - if you work on it offline in Word or suchlike you'll find it much easier. I'm just writing my own Verison 14 hours ago, Dan F said: OK...I think it's gone far enough now without anyone saying anything. So far I've seen only two or three original lines. The rest is simply a transcription, word for word, of the Pilot episode. We have a script for that somewhere on the site already so there's not a lot of point in typing the rest up. I would suggest taking some time to work on your next update in order to turn it into your own story, otherwise the thread will have to be closed. As someone else has mentioned, try and make your posts longer too rather than posting short snippets - if you work on it offline in Word or suchlike you'll find it much easier. There will be differences in my story I decided my story is going to be delayed untill I get my way of writing it the way I want to because I'm trying to retell the whole story and I put so much effort into writing it chapter 1 part 2 it took me two weeks to write because I was thinking of the best way to write it Edited January 22, 2016 by Dan F Merged multiple posts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan F Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 9 hours ago, Jackpittorino said: It's my story I don't tell you how you write your stories so don't tell me how I write mine. I had put a lot of effort into writing this chapter The point is though, at the moment, it's not actually your story. It's Bevan Lee's story (the man that wrote the Pilot episode). Using existing scenes and slotting in your own lines every now and again is not a fanfiction. 9 hours ago, Jackpittorino said: chapter 1 part 2 it took me two weeks to write because I was thinking of the best way to write it I know how much effort it does take to transcribe something, having to stop and start the video continuously whilst you write everything down - but if the beginnings to your own story is identical to what aired on-screen, you don't have to write that part out. For example, if your original ideas don't come in until after the Fletchers move to Summer Bay, you could simply say in the blurb "Tom Fletcher has been retrenched and the family have moved to Summer Bay". Or even "This story is set 3 days after the Fletchers moved to Summer Bay" - and then you can carry on with your own story. 9 hours ago, Jackpittorino said: I decided my story is going to be delayed untill I get my way of writing it the way I want to because I'm trying to retell the whole story That's probably for the best, it's an interesting concept so you'll need some time in order to come up with an original take on it. I'm there's some readers that will look forward to it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackpittorino Posted March 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2016 Chapter 2 3 Months later after Tom Fletcher has been retrenched from his job and now resides in summer bay with his wife Pippa and foster children. Tom wanted what was best for his foster children and Tom and Pippa would do anything to keep there foster children. Tom and Pippa love there foster children Tom and Pippa always treat there foster children like if they were there real children. It was 11pm at night then Tom and Pippa woke up by the sound of Sally screaming Tom and Pippa then rushed to Sally's Bedroom Pippa comforts Sally Pippa Sally what's wrong Sally I had a nightmare that the whole world was under communism and there was posters that says Big Brother is watching you Tom Sal George Orwell's 1984 is only a book and we have both agreed it was only book (Sally smiles with a cheeky grin on her face) Sally I know Tom then tickles Sally after the fun Pippa tucks Sally in her bed then Tom and Pippa give Sally a goodnight kiss Tom then turns off the lights Tom and Pippa had Adopted Sally Recently so 17 year old Dodge would stop tormenting Sally. Dodge Moved in with the fletcher's one month he no longer lives with the fletchers because of criminal acts he cause around summer bay and he is now in juvenile prison End Of Chapter 2 The next chapter will be longer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 1, 2016 Report Share Posted March 1, 2016 Great chapter loved family time. I look forward to more Update again soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inactive User Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 Awesome chapter Loved the family time Update soon please xx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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