The Murderous Man Made Of Straw

[pembie]

Story Title: The Murderous Man Made Of Straw

Story Type: Short/Medium Fic
Main Characters: Alf,Brax,Roo
Genre: Horror,comedy. Silly stories written for Halloween
Does story include spoilers: No

Warnings: No
BTTB Rating: A to be safe
Plot Summary Come meet Alfred as you take a long and endless trip of horror down some very dark and chilling misty roads

The Murderous Man Made Of Straw

Chapter 1

Greeting reader please feel free to immense yourself deeper. For there is a tale to be shared, or depending on how you end up interpreting it, it could very well be a warning depending upon you’re work profession. But for now just come snuggle down on the sofa while wearing you’re onesies or go sit by a nice log burning fire and give you’re mind over to me for a little while. We are going to take a wander through winding mist filled lanes. Down dark and daunting endless roads which lead to nowhere other than the very depths of hell.

But don’t panic the gates of hell can wait for now we aren’t quite there yet. For first we have to make a quick pit stop oh don’t get me wrong we’re still on route of the sheer horror, but there is I think someone that all of you would like to meet. So come along stop hiding behind that tree, get out of that overgrown undergrowth, silence those screams of terror as the darkness of this road surrounds you.

Come meet Alfred yes he maybe old but that doesn’t mean that you should just leave him to go unnoticed. He enjoys fishing, Oh stop looking at that sliver murderous looking hook with caution in you’re eyes. It isn’t Alfred’s fault that he had his hand bitten clean off by a shark.

Alfred enjoys barbecues Oh I hear you asking, how is that even possible when Alfred doesn’t even have a mouth to enjoy the taste of the food? I say don’t be so quick to judge at the way Alfred now looks. It wasn’t Alfred’s fault that his barbecue blew up in his face while he was bent over checking if his sausages had turned brown.

Alfred enjoys long walks along the beach. Yes, yes so the legs he has now are nothing to shout home about. Ok I admit some would say they are nothing short of being useless. Ever since Alfred managed to get a boat to roll over himself and crush his legs while he was working at his beloved bait shop.

How does Alfred spend his time I hear you muttering? Well let me tell you Alfred nowadays enjoys shouting out at passing joggers or even those pesky crows who like so much to poo upon his head calling them galahs. What’s a galah? Well your guess is as good as mine on that one fellow reader. But I’m leaning towards the angle of it being someone or something that Alfred deems as being an idiot

You're next question is how Alfred manages to shout? Well you see or maybe you can’t because you have gone back to hiding behind that tree again. Come out come out we have a long way to journey yet my not so brave reader, so stop being so scared of my friend Alfred the living and breathing scarecrow The man made of straw.

Hope you enjoy this

[pembie]

Thanks for the comments guys hope you all like this next one.

Chapter 2

Oh listen to that sound my fellow readers……. Yes your be quite right to think that it is an owl hooting happily away, and quick look up there, quick now, quick. Stop fumbling about in your pocket for your camera will you? By the time you have sorted the camera’s flash out for the picture it will be too late. WHOOSH oh darn that high speeding car the owl’s flew away in fright now. Never mind my disappointed readers we are after all not here to watch the wildlife.

But what do we do now? I hear you wondering, well let’s catch up with that high speeding Super Charger, with its blacked out windows even though the driver has them part way down shall we? You would of thought that car going past us was going to be important and your be right. For that car contains our soon to be victim of this tale’s horror

Meet Darryl, yes that might sound like a name that you may call your pet rat I know. Maybe that is why Daryl chooses to call himself Brax. Oh look at him looks cool eh very laid back wearing his shades even though the sun has long departed the sky. Very ironic that Brax is listening to the song Highway to Hell as well considering what’s to come.

It is at this point that I think that I should dive deeper into Brax’s history for you all. You see Brax is hired to shall we say sort things out for people, solve problems, dispose of unwanted trash, and yes sometimes even kill. It’s a very good paid job being a hitman, especially when the car that you’re driving is suited up with the latest high tech gadgets. They come in very handy when crossing paths with the cops. How did Brax become a hitman? Well let’s see since losing his two brothers Heath and Casey. Brax found himself having too much time on his hands, so why not give it a try? Being an hired hitman is after all much more exciting than watching daytime TV

Losing Heath and he’s wife Bianca to the outback, to go in search of their son Rocco after he was kidnapped by a kangaroo was hard for Brax to deal with. Not to mention the loss of Casey. That happened by pure accident. One sunny day taking Casey out for a driving lesson in the very same Super Charger that Brax is now driving. Brax was proudly showing off the cars many gadgets, when Brax accidently pushed at a button at the side of Casey’s seat, thinking it was for the cars hidden cup holder. But no cup holder appeared that button was in fact for the car’s ejector seat Casey shot through the car’s sun roof. On his way up Casey could hear Brax screaming his name over and over again. Brax later learned that Casey had landed in a foreign and dangerous jungle, luckily though he had been found by one black panther called Bagheera and a bear called Baloo.

But never fear readers after living the jungle life for a whole year Casey now lives in one of Australia’s top rated zoos, and when Brax isn’t being hired to kill he sometimes goes to visit Casey. who seems happy enough. He seems to be quite taken and a tiny bit in love with one of the zoo keepers called Denny.

Awwww a nice story I know with a happy ending brothers reunited and all that. Now for the horror to start for Brax has stopped at the side of the road he has a phone call let’s listen in.

“Captain Blood and Sand you don’t know me, but thank you for driving out in the dead of night for me.”

“Where is it I’m going eh?”

“That would be route 66, known as the road of no return, but I hope you do return.”

“What is it you want me to do out hear kill someone using the shadows for my cover?”

“God no pick my dad up please. You’re find him standing at the side of the road. He might smell a bit too. Be very careful he can be dangerous and very grumpy. Makes me wonder why Marilyn wants him at the wedding.”

“ No names remember for safety measures for me and you.”

Yes sorry Mr Captain Blood and Sand I won’t mention……… MARILYN WILL YOU PLEASE STOP EAVESDROPPING? YES I’M ON THE PHONE TO THE DRIVER NOW.”

Oh my we better back up abit readers Brax looks angry. Alfred’s daughter doesn’t seem to understand the danger which comes with hiring someone not within the law to solve such problems as driving out to Route 66. The troubles it might bring and neither does Brax really. But for Alfred the man made of straw route 66 is his very own playground of hellish fun.

[pembie]

Thanks for the comments. I wasn't sure how to take them at first. But I'm taking them as good My stories just wouldn't feel right if they weren't bizarre. I do my best to have them stand out. With what has been happening with Heath and Casey in the show I thought I would op for a funny way for them to exit the bay.

Thanks for the comments I have taken them on broad and have hopefully made references to them in this chapter.

Chapter 3

The wind has now picked up quite heavily, so do make sure that you are all wrapped as sung as a rug. Because since you have all read the last wonderfully bizarre chapter of this story, we have ventured further on down route 66, to bare witness to a single police car parked under the cover of some spider like claw shaped branches. From here Emerson can keep records of a number of speed checks of any deranged high speed lunatics. Now you may ask how many speeding motorists can a road such as route 66 have. The answer quite a few, it is after the road to hell. Sometimes it just happens to like to throw the odd curve or sharp bend to help keep the death rate up.

Emerson is deep in thought over a very taxing crossword clue, while having an iced doughnut hang partway out of his mouth. Emerson does enjoy his doughnuts everyone in fact what cop doesn’t? Surprising though Emerson isn’t in any way fat.

Alfred the scarecrow with his straw made arms tied to the fence posts of the Mcguire fenced off farm land can see Emerson parked. Part of him wants to shout out to him because having a face made of straw can get very itchy you know. Not to mention the problem it causes for bad cases of hay fever. Alfred knows though that the billowing wind is too loud for him to be heard over.

Brax has now put his foot down, the tossed up dust and gravel from the road behind getting swallowed into the blackness of the night.

“Can you pick my dad up please?” That must have meant that Brax should be looking out for a hitchhiker. Someone with their thumb poking out in need of a lift, not the type of work Brax would normally be doing but needs must go where the money is.

Alfred lets out a wail of flaming hells as his scarecrow straw hat blows from his head and fly’s across the path of the fast approaching Super Charger.

Brax hits the brakes as a quick flash of gold brushes against his windscreen.

Emerson loudly revs his engine and then stalls his car.

Brax has meanwhile crashed through half the fence he is now standing to the side of his car wondering what he’s just hit.

Let’s get a tad closer I have a feeling that Mr I’m so hard hitman Brax is about to get the fright of his life are you all ready? If you all thought that this story has been bizarre so far wait until the scarecrow speaks.

“What the hell who put that fence there?”

“Oh stop you’re flaming moaning, past me my flaming fishing hat will you? Oh by the way nice driving you great galah”

Oh crikey stop laughing everyone. It is quite amusing watching Brax scan the night with his wondering eyes but give him chance he will work out who as spoke eventually.

“Hey you, yes you get my hat you flaming….”

“Where are ya eh”

“Tied to the fence”

“Why what ya done?”

“Oh you know scared few crows but mostly they mock me by ****ting on my flaming head”

Brax now is wandering over to the fence.

“If I untie ya will you will be as crazy as you sound? I do have a gun you know I will shoot you.”

“Oooh scary the big galah as a gun, wouldn’t flaming matter I’m made of straw so your bullets wouldn’t harm me just leave a big gaping hole.”

What the hell are you on, isn’t the reason your tied up because you’re a mafia boss or something left here to rot?”

“No strike me handsome I’m a scarecrow, you’re flaming slow on the uptake.”

“Of course you are and I’m a ballerina.”

“NO NOW I’M FLAMING ALFRED STEWART BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ALF RESPECT YOU’RE ELDERS AND UNTIE ME FLAMING NOW.”

The booming voice of the scarecrow has shook Brax up. Quickly he goes to work untying him from the fence.

I sure does feel to Brax that this madman is indeed made of straw, with the last bit of rope undone Alfred lets out a wail of delight, then watching him run wobbly away Brax raising his gun and fires.

Farmer Oscar Mcguire can hear the sounds of gunfire as he drives his tractor across his cornfield.

“GET UP, GET UP NOW I ONLY SHOT YOU IN THE LEG”

Alfred stumbles onto his feet.

“You say your name is Alf Stewart eh? I think I am meant to take you to your daughter.”

“Who Roo flaming hell she’s not arranging another scarecrow festival is she?”

“I don’t know I just do the job. Now get in the boot and I won’t have to hurt you eh”

Emerson’s car starts up as the man from the Super Charger shoves a very strange looking man into his boot.

Strap yourselves in readers because next time there will be a fast car chase oh exciting but very bizarre.

[pembie]

Thanks very much for all you're comments

Here's the next one enjoy

Chapter 4

Farmer Oscar oh dreary me he’s looking quite pale don’t you think readers? You may ask yourselves who indeed wouldn’t be looking that way, when witnessing a high speed car chase on your doorstep. You could probably tell from our gassy advantage point that Oscar came very close to falling off his tractor, as Brax and Emerson sped past the old farm’s white picket fence. Farmer Oscar isn’t really a farmer he is only tending to the farming duties today, due to the noisy sex sessions that his Aunt Hannah and her boyfriend Andy, the local drug barren are engaged in. Thinking that he had heard enough of Hannah’s begging pleasure filled pleas of, oh yes give it to me harder Andy Oscar had grabbed up the tractor’s keys and jumped abroad, in time Oscar will come to regret doing so.

Come, come, come on. Stop tripping over yourselves, hurry. Oh never mind you readers are a slow bunch. I tell you what, as I know how things are going to turn out. I will run ahead and shout back to you. While you all have a rest.

Emerson can see Brax’s Super Charger just ahead. They don’t spare any expense when making sure that the local cops of Summer Bay have the finest, top of the range state of the art rocket boosters fitted to their cars oh no.

Brax himself can’t quite believe that what looks to be just the normal bog stranded run down cop car has somehow managed to catch up with his Super Charger’s built in turbo rockets. Never mind a few shots from his gun should puncher the cop car’s tyres anyways. Glancing over his shoulder quickly Brax aims the gun focus, focus, if only he could focus, the constant cursing and yelling from Alfred locked inside the boot has given Brax a banging headache though

“STRIKE ME ROAN YOU MUST BE THE BIGGEST GALAH I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. BUT DON’T WORRY I WILL BE BACK FOR YOU’RE FLAMING HEAD IN ABIT. CATCH YOU ON THE FLAMING FLIPSIDE

From behind Emerson can’t believe to see a huge sliver sharp hook jab itself through the black steel of the Super charger’s boot. In a matter of a few seconds Alfred has made a big gapping hole through the black shaded metal and steel and as lunged himself across onto Emerson’s car bonnet.

Brax gazes back from hearing the honking sounds from Emerson’s horn.

Listen to that readers if you listen carefully you can hear Alfred’s straw like feet brush across the surface of the road. Oh look his on the run towards the McGuire farm Oh no Oscar maybe in danger.

Meanwhile back up the road Emerson has rammed Brax into some gassy undergrowth.

“What you want with me pig eh? I ain’t done nothing.”

“Well I think we both might just have some very different ideas of what nothing actually means. You were speeding for one thing, and you had someone or somekind of Freddy Krueger monster come bursting out from inside your vehicle’s boot.

Walking around to the back of the car Brax laughs.

“Yeah right sure ok if you say so.”

“Well I say if that gaping hole is anything to go by its true. Would you mind telling me what you were transporting?”

“Na”

“Well you will have to come down the stat………..”

Emerson then feels hazy and rather chilled as the green misty gas washes over him. This gas is released from the Super Chargers exhaust; it comes in use normally when a cop comes round to expect the number plate. The gas acts as a amnesia forget me sort of drug. Emerson gapes at Brax totally dumb witted and baffled.

“What, where am I? Who am I? Who are you?”

“You have been on the booze fella eh go and sleep it off in that bush over there.”

Emerson starts to have a wander the way Brax has pointed. But oh no look its more trouble on the way in the form of Alfred the man made of straw driving Oscar’s tractor.

“MOVE FLAMING ASIDE, HEY YOU YES YOU”

Brax turns.

Sat abroad the tractor is Alfred the scarecrow a murderous grin upon his yellow straw face, and a rather sick looking Oscar.

“HOW ABOUT YOU GET BACK INSIDE YOUR CAR? AND ME AND YOU WILL THEN HAVE A FLAMING GAME OF CHICKEN!!!!!!. THE ONE THAT LOSES WILL BECOME THE DEAD GALAH!!!!!!!!”

[pembie]

Thank you Sarah,Kristen,Red Ranger and JoiseTash for reading and leaving me feedback on this story Glad you enjoyed Hope you like this last chapter.

Chapter 5

The sound of the wind is now whistling my fellow readers. I should if I was you stay safety resting in the deep undergrowth. Things are about to hit the tree bark up this way.

Daryl Braxton has never faced off with any enemies this far gone cuckoo before.

He has faced off with insane ones granted. Like his best childhood friend Adam Myers, the brother of the famous murderer Michael Myers. While they were playing outdoors one day Adam had gotten his foot crushed by Brax’s soap box champion racer go kart. Adam had then tripped and tumbled over the side of a nearby wishing well Time went by but Brax had never told anyone. Partly down to being to scared too. But mainly down to he’s jealously of Adam’s collection of supermodel themed pogs. Esther Anderson being the rarest pog of the collection out there, and Adam refused to swap it with any pogs out of Brax’s collection.

Upon he’s return of being trapped down that wishing well Adam had teamed up with Brax’s new friend Jake, who Brax had also annoyed beyond belief. Brax had taken his brother Hammer out to a bull rodeo; Where Hammer who happened to be wearing a bit too much red was hammered into fence by an over excited bull. Years later now and Brax having been to hitman training academy Jake and Adam are now both dead.

The killing of friends turned foes becomes easy to do when you’re paid the big bucks to see it done.

Brax can’t be certain of it now though sitting behind the wheel of he well equipped spy/hitman black tinted window car that he is so willing to take out a scary pissed off looking scarecrow sitting abroad a tractor while grinning like some kind of Looney tune, how uttering bonkers.

Alfred revs the tractors gears, sending the roads surface of gravel shooting into the night’s sky.

Brax puts his foot down and shoots forward while firing his gun through the opened partway window.

“HAHA, HAHA YOU SILLY GALAH, YOU JUMPED UP LITTLE TROUT STRIKE ME ROAN BRING IT.” Yells Alfred the crazed scarecrow.

Alfred glances quickly over to his passenger Oscar who is still looking rather ill.

“Errrr Mr….. Errrr Sir can we…….”

Grabbing at a passing filled bucket of hay. Alfred throws it wildly in the air for Oscar to catch, which he luckily does managed too. The hay that filled the bucket moments ago rains down on them both.

“YOU PUKE IN THERE” Alfred screams dodging and weaving away from Brax’s oncoming fired bullets.

The incoming phone call from Alfred’s daughter though gives pause to Brax’s wild bullet onslaught of the fast approaching tractor.

“Hello Mr Captain Blood And Sand have you found my dad yet are you on the way back now?”

“Oh shut up will ya get off this line. I want paying triple for this you hear me?”

“I am sorry it’s the straw isn’t it? Gets all over your seats.”

“You’re father is freaking not human miss” Brax shouts into his phone’s hands free device. His car serving away from a close shave with the tractor.

“What was that is everything ok Mr Mr Mr?………. Brax ends the call as a giant net casts a reaching grabbing shadow out from the front of the tractor. The net soon has hold of the car. A left behind little treat from the previous farm owner Farmer Dexter.

“Haha got you now flaming Galah.”

Oh no watch out cover you’re ears everyone, Brax looks to be panic stricken. That car of his is being pulled closer and closer into that tractor’s claw like grabbing net.

Brax’s eyes are scanning over the car’s multiple choices of weapons.

Magnum naaaa, Minigun naaa, cannon naaaa, rocket launcher naaaa, Brax lets out a desperate wailing cry, throws his hands up and collapses onto the dashboard.

Beep, beep.

“Welcome to your car’s weapons command hub. You have just selected homing missile. Target is now locked on thank you have a nice day now.”

Brax looks up to catch sight of a rocket shaped missile whiz out from behind from his car’s exhaust.

Beep, Beep

“Hello again this is your car’s weapons hub again. Please stand clear your vehicle is about to be blown into little pieces have a great day…………”

“WHAT THE HELL……………” Brax shouts. The tractor net around him has loosen. But even that isn’t a enough time for him to get away before the explosion happens.

There is one good outcome of this though the murderous man of straw has been set a light.

Oh there’s Oscar, his somehow been thrown away from the huge fireball that is now Brax’s burning car. Oscar has escaped his close burnt to a crisp fate. Never the less he will be having nightmares of this night forever that can be nothing but a sure thing.

Emerson has since retried from the police force mainly down to his episode with Brax’s amnesia gas. The reason for his retirement is because of the problem of not being able to remember his own name or in fact what his job was.

Route 66 is a road where hellish and unbelievable accidents happen. But beyond that road behind its many trees, your find glorious views of the crystal blue sea of Palm Beach, where sailboats bob up and down where fish men sit peacefully while listening to music from their digital radios. Oh the peace and quiet is wonderful at Palm Beach Alfred was a fish man He liked the water He liked the feel of it against his sale like skin. There was no need of using bait when it came to Alfred’s way of fishing though. Alfred who had once been the murderous man of straw had now become the Murderous monstrous shark man of Palm Beach feasting upon the flesh of fish or the silly surfers if they were stupid enough to enter the beach’s water.

So readers if you are fancying a quick dip in the sea when visiting the delightful sands of Palm Beach, be very careful. You might just feel the trickle of Alfred’s teeth from beneath the water’s depths before he eats you. Because Alfred is dangerous and very flaming grumpy so beware.

The End