Scripts - Episode 3426

ALF’S FLAT

ALF and DON are there. DON is holding his chest in pain. He takes tablets out his shirt pocket.

ALF

Don, are you all right mate?

DON

Alf.

ALF

Don’t worry. I’ll get Ails. She’ll know what to do. Ails, Ails, where are you? Geez, I don’t know where she is mate.

DON

Alf, the pills, the pills.

ALF

Just one.

DON

Yeah.

ALF

There you go mate. Get that in you. You all right?

DON takes the pill.

ALF

Aw, geez. Don, talk about giving a man a fright. What brought that on?

THE PALACE

HAYLEY and NOAH are there. NOAH is making bacon.

HAYLEY

Irene’s acting like they’re just coming around to have a chat, but I’m not going to let them walk over her.

NOAH

Hayls, you can’t be there.

HAYLEY

Why not? I’m Nick’s sister. I lived with Irene.

NOAH

Well if DOCS want to interview you they will. They’re not out to destroy her, they just want to find out what’s wrong with Nick.

HAYLEY

Yeah, well, why don’t they talk to Angela Russell. She’s the one that’s been bullying him.

NOAH

That’s not the kind of abuse they’re talking about. I mean, come on, once they talk to Irene they’re going to know it’s not true.

HAYLEY

Yeah, but we know Irene. They don’t. I mean, what if this gets out to other people. It’s not going to matter what DOCS thinks. Irene’s going to have a black mark against her name.

The toast come up burnt.

HAYLEY

Aw, great.

NOAH

Aw, I’ll have them.

HAYLEY

I mean, how did it even to get to this stage? It was that idiot Claire? You know, if Shelley or Flynn had have been there this wouldn’t have happened.

NOAH

Yeah, I know.

THE BEACH HOUSE

IRENE puts washing in a basket. DYLAN is also there.

IRENE

You got any washing you need done, darl? Can’t have DOCS thinking I make you walk around in dirty clothes.

DYLAN

Thanks, but I can do my own, you know.

IRENE

You sure you’re not just being polite. I told you when you moved in to make yourself at home and that includes chucking your washing in with ours.

DYLAN

It’s fine seriously. I’ve been doing my own washing for years. It’s just the way Angie and I did things.

IRENE

Fair enough. Well, you know where the washing machine is and we’ve got plenty of powder. You just help yourself, OK.

DYLAN

Thanks.

IRENE

Aw, god, I better get buggerlugs up, I suppose.

IRENE walks up to NICK’S room.

IRENE

Nick love, are you awake? Nick.

NICK

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

IRENE

You want to chuck your washing out darl.

NICK opens his bedroom door.

NICK

Irene, you’re allowed into my room. DOCS are going to look like a bunch of dummies so don’t let them throw you.

IRENE

As it happens, it’s got nothing to do with that. I just think it’s about time you started picking up after yourself.

NICK

Yeah, yeah.

IRENE

Anyway, better get your washing to me, mate or you’ll miss the boat.

IRENE walks outside and NICK sits at the table with DYLAN.

DYLAN

Hey, Nick, listen. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble the other day. I was just trying to help, so if you want to drop it, that’s fine.  I don’t have a problem, OK.

NICK

You know the stuff you said about Angie and you’re mate, it’s true, isn’t it?

DYLAN

Yeah.

NICK

How do you know he wasn’t having you on?

DYLAN

He was my best mate. She’s Angie.

THE BEACHSIDE DINER

COLLEEN leads DON out of the kitchen to a chair. ALF follows them there.

COLLEEN

Now you sit down and rest. Can I get you a tea? Peppermint maybe or a water might be better.

DON

It was just an attack of angina. I’m fine, really.

COLLEEN

Fine my foot. Maybe we should get you to the hospital. Better be safe than sorry.

DON

No, honestly Colleen. I’ve taken the tablets now.

COLLEEN

And what if they don’t work? I’m not having the two of you on my hands. You stay there and I’ll get your things.

COLLEEN walks into the kitchen.

ALF

Aw, talk about a flamin’ fuss. Geez, it’s enough to set you off again, isn’t it Don? You are all right, aren’t you mate?

DON

Ah, yes, yes, I am although why you should want to hit me I don’t know.

ALF

What are you talking about?

DON

Well, you were about to punch me when the attack came on.

ALF

Aw, come on mate. Why would I want to do that?

DON

I don’t know Alf. Aw, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.

ALF

Yes, it does, it does matter. I mean, you could have died.

DON

Yes, well unfortunately it didn’t come to anything. Well frankly, I’m more worried about the fact that you can’t remember.

ALF

I do remember you talking to me and Ails trying to tell me something and I couldn’t listen to it, both at once and hen.

A FLASHBACK-ALF’S FLAT

ALF pushes DON up against a wall. AILSA’S voice can be heard.

AILSA

That’s it Alf. Go on now hit him.

THE BEACHSIDE DINER

ALF and DON are sitting at the table.

ALF

I’d forgotten all about that. Oh, Don, I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I’m really sorry mate.

ALF walks into the kitchen passing COLLEEN.

ALF’S FLAT

ALF walks in. AILSA is in the kitchen.

AILSA

How’s Donald? Is he all right?

ALF

Yeah, luckily.

AILSA

He should be more careful with that heart of his.

ALF

You told me to hit him Ails. Why? Why would you tell me to do something like that? He’s my mate.

AILSA

I didn’t say any such thing. It’s all those things they’ve been saying. No wonder your minds playing tricks.

ALF

Why did you go away? You knew he was in trouble. Why did you disappear like that?

AILSA

Alf, I do have my own life. I can’t be with you all the time. You know that. It’s always been that way love.

ALF

Yeah, well, I don’t want it to be like that anymore. We never spent enough time together, you were always at the diner and I was busy on the boat or doing something for the surf club and now we’ve got a second chance Ails and I want us to be together every minute. I need you love. I don’t know what to do when you’re not there. I get confused. I need you to keep an eye on me, you know, to keep me sane.

AILSA

It’s all right love. I’m not going anywhere.

They cuddle. ALF can then be seen to be cuddling thin air.

THE HOSPITAL

DON and MORAG are there.

MORAG

Just how much longer are we going to be able to cover up for him. You know, we’ve both been injured as a result of what’s been happening to Alf. Like I said it could happen to somebody else and it could be far more serious. I mean, it’s time we realised that it’s way beyond our capabilities.

DON

What else can we do?

MORAG

There’s only one thing to do, although I don’t think Alfred’s going to be to pleased with it, but I can’t pursue it unless I get your support.

DON

What exactly are you suggesting?

THE NURSING HOME

MORAG and DON draw up in DON’S car. They get out.

DON

There must be another way.

MORAG

We have tried everything else and no one can accuse us of anything else.

SARAH MCKAY DROP-IN CENTRE

NOAH and the DOCS officer SIMON are there.

NOAH

Flynn, didn’t call you?

SIMON

Yes, he did and he gave Mrs Roberts an excellent character reference, but he’s not here. We got a complaint from the counsellor in charge of the centre and we have to follow it up.

NOAH

Even if she’s wrong?

SIMON

Mate, you’ve got some personal interests in this case.

NOAH

Give me some cred.

SIMON

Bottom line is Claire’s the trained counsellor and you’re not.

NOAH

But she’s never worked in this area before. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s out of her depth.

SIMON

Then take it up with your superiors. They employ her, not us.

NOAH

It’s a bit hard if they’re not here.

SIMON

Sorry mate, she’s the one who’s qualified and we have to follow up on her concerns. Shall we go.

THE BEACH HOUSE

IRENE, SIMON, NOAH and HAYLEY are there.

SIMON

I understood how difficult these situations can be, but we are acting in Nick and the families best interests.

HAYLEY

Well, if that’s the case, you can turn around and go now.

NOAH

Hayls.

SIMON

This might be easier if I can speak to Irene in private.

IRENE

Love, it’s OK, really.

HAYLEY leaves.

SIMON

I’ve asked Noah to take some notes if that’s all right with you.

IRENE

Do what you like. I’ve got nothing to hide.

SIMON

Why don’t you tell me how you came to have Nick living here?

THE SURF CLUB

NICK is sitting down. DYLAN walks up to him.

DYLAN

Nice surf, ah.

NICK

There’s actually no surf. Not Mr. Perfect after all.

DYLAN

Perfect. It depends on whose making the judgement. Some people expect more than others.

NICK

You know your mum, she hasn’t really done anything yet. I’m sorry man. I’ve got nobody else to talk to.

DYLAN

She’s messing with your mind Nick. She’s an expert.

NICK

I don’t get you. Why are you telling me this stuff? Do you hate her that much?

DYLAN

Hate her. She’s my mum. Just lately I hate the way she’s manipulating people. I don’t understand it, but when she’s with me, she’s Angie and I love her no matter what. I suppose you’re going to tell DOCS all this.

NICK

Yeah, right. Angie would just deny it. Make me look like an idiot. Nah, I don’t want to tell anyone, not unless it’s the only thing that will save Irene.

THE BEACH HOUSE

SIMON, IRENE and NOAH all sit at a table.

SIMON

Lets talk about your own kids. You’re son Nathan is in and out of jail. Damian and Fin in foster care. It’s not the best track record.

IRENE

Look, I never said I was the world’s best mother back then, but I have done nothing wrong all right. I am a good person and I’m a good mother. I would never, ever betray kids trust like that.

SIMON

In spite of past difficulties you keep bringing these kids into your home.

IRENE

What am I supposed to do? Turn them away.

SIMON

There are programmes set-up to deal with kids in trouble. Any one of these kids would have qualified for foster care.

IRENE

I applied for that.

SIMON

And they rejected your application.

NICK and DYLAN walk in.

SIMON

The department had its reasons, but you keep bringing these kids in. Why?

NICK

She’s a decent person. That’s why.

THE NURSING HOME

DON, MATRON and MORAG are there.

MORAG

So I can be sure that my brothers not going to be just locked away and forgotten about.

MATRON

Definitely not. We have one of the leading specialists in the field. Our Alzheimer’s patients receive the most up to date treatment.

MORAG

Oh, that’s certainly reassuring.

MATRON

Well, feel free to keep looking around and if you have any further questions just have me paged.

The MATRON walks away.

MORAG

Thank you. Well I think that Alfred could feel quite at home here.

DON

Well, I’m sorry, but I disagree. What about all the things he loves? His fishing, his boat. If he comes here he’ll lose all that. He’ll lose his identity.

MORAG

He’s going to lose that anyway Donald.

DON

Alf does not belong in a place like this. Imagine who he’d feel?

MORAG

In a short while it’s not going to matter to Alfred where he is. He’s already starting to live in another world. Before long he’s going to be living in it all the time. Donald, I remember how it was when I led my father through this illness. I don’t want that for Duncan and Roo. I don’t want it for Alfred either. You’re in charge of his concerns. I’ll leave it up to you.

MORAG walks away.

THE BEACHSIDE DINER

ALF looks at a pan. AILSA is there.

AILSA

Oh, honestly Alf. I can’t turn my back for a second.

ALF

Well don’t blame me love. You’re the one doing the cooking.

AILSA

Well it’s pretty hard when you can’t find the right ingredients.

COLLEEN walks in.

AILSA

That storeroom is an absolute disgrace.

ALF

There’s nothing wrong with the storeroom if you just open your eyes.

COLLEEN

Not to worry. I’ve been having trouble finding things in there myself.

ALF

You always did take Ailsa’s side.

COLLEEN

Oh, well you know us girls. We stick together. Now, why don’t you go and sit down and have a nice rest. You deserve it after the morning you’ve had. Ailsa and I will sort it out, won’t we Ailsa?

ALF

Oh, suits me. Who’d be a bloke, eh? They come at you from all angles these Sheila’s.

ALF walks out of the kitchen. DON walks in.

DON

Problems Alf?

ALF

Aw, no, no. Ails and Colleen are sorting it out.

COLLEEN
Oh, I’d bet you’d be proud of the way things are going her Ailsa. It’s full stream ahead as always and Leah’s Greek food is still a big hit with the customers.

ALF

You know, it surprises me they get any work done at all in there, the amount of gas-bagging that goes on. Aw, Don, how did you go at the doctors?

DON

Ah, good, yes, yes, very good. Yes, he, well he suggested that I take it easy of course.

ALF

Yeah, of course.

DON

Yes, in fact Alf I was thinking that it might be nice if we went for a bit of a drive tomorrow. There’s somewhere that I’d like to show you.

ALF

Aw, great. Yeah, well it would do us both good to get away from things.

DON

Yeah.

THE BEACH HOUSE

NICK and SIMON are there.

NICK

Irene is like a best mate.

SIMON

So you relate to her pretty well.

NICK

Man, I’ve got a girlfriend. She’s gorgeous. Why would I want anybody else?

SIMON

Does Irene approve of your relationship with Jade?

NICK

Of course she does. What’s that got to do with anything?

SIMON’S folder falls on the floor.

NICK

I’ll get it.

SIMON finds the folder of JADE wearing her sexy underwear.

SIMON

Is this your girlfriend? These aren’t your ordinary snapshots. Who take these photos Nick?

IRENE, DYLAN and NICK are in the living room.

NICK

It’s no ones business what me and Jade do.

IRENE

It is when it goes on underneath my roof mate. What are DOCS going to think of me now? Now that they know this sort of thing is going on Nick, talk to me. What is going on? Is someone putting pressure on you to do this?

NICK

No.

IRENE

Well then what?

NICK

Get over it Irene. I told Simon you didn’t know about it.

IRENE

It’s not about that. I want to help you Nick.

NICK

No you don’t. You want to get yourself off the hook.

DYLAN

Aw Nick, come on.

IRENE

I don’t know who’s doing this to you mate, who’s making you think this way, but you are not the kid that I know and love.

NICK

Aw, yeah. Well, I’m not your kid. I know you think that me, Will and Hayley are some kind of second chance for you, but you’re not my mother.

DYLAN

Come on, you didn’t mean that. He didn’t mean that.

IRENE

No, I reckon he did. Excuse me.

IRENE walks away.

DYLAN

Don’t let her do this to you man. Irene will be there for you when you need her, but Angie won’t.

NICK

What do you care? I shut my mouth about Angie. Isn’t that what you want?

THE PALACE

HAYLEY, NOAH and IRENE are there.

HAYLEY

I can’t believe Nick would say that.

IRENE

It certainly took me by surprise.

HAYLEY

Yeah, this whole things getting to him and the photos. This is so not him.

IRENE

I know teenagers experiment, but, oh god, I’m going to have to tell Rhys. Oh, I can’t wait to show him the photos.

NOAH

What did Simon say about the investigation?

IRENE

Only that they’d be in touch. You know, I’m beginning to think that maybe he’s right. Maybe I am a crook mum.

HAYLEY

Aw, Irene don’t listen to them. I turned out all right didn’t I and Will.

IRENE

There’s the problem then. I’ve obviously assumed that Nick would just follow suit. Haven’t given him the direction that he needs.

HAYLEY

Aw, you’ve been a better mum than ours ever was.

IRENE

Thanks love. Still wasn’t enough though, was it? Well, one thing’s for certain. I’m going to have to be a lot more on the ball from now on if I’m going to bring him back into line.

THE SURF CLUB

ALF and AILSA are waiting beside the road.

ALF

Well it’s a pretty good day for it.

AILSA

Yes, just what we need. We’ve been cooped up in that apartment for far too long.

MORAG’S car comes along the road.

AILSA

That’s Morag’s car.

ALF

Don’t worry love. I’ll sort it out.

DON and MORAG are in the car. AILSA can now not be seen.

ALF

What’s going on Don? You never said anything about her coming.

DON

Didn’t I?

ALF

Come off it mate. You know what happened the last time the two of them got together and if Ails can’t come I’m not coming.

DON

Well I’m sure Morag can find it in her heart to forgive Ailsa.

MORAG

Of course I can. Where is she?

ALF

Geez Morag. You sure your eyes are OK? You sure your right to drive? Where is she?

ALF walks over to AILSA.

ALF

There you go. I told you it would be OK.

AILSA

Very nice of her ladyship to be so forgiving, particularly when the shoe should be on the other foot.

ALF

I’ll just throw this gear in the boot.

THE NURSING HOME

ALF, DON and MORAG are in a garden.

MORAG

Well there’s an activities room. They have bingo, movies, card night.

DON

You’d always have plenty of company Alf.

ALF

Well I suppose that it’s not all bad.

AILSA appears next to ALF.

AILSA

Alf, you’d be bored witless in a place like this.

ALF

Settle down Ails. I mean, we’re here now. Let’s at least give the place a proper once over.

MORAG

Em, lets go and have a look at your room, shall we.

The MATRON wakes up a man called BRUCE. ALF, MORAG and DON are also there.

MATRON

Bruce, wake up. This is Alf. He’s thinking of moving in.

ALF

G’day mate. You were in Nam to, eh.

BRUCE

Yeah, Charlie kept us up all night.

ALF

Yeah, only seems like yesterday to me to.

MORAG

I’m sure you’d meet some wonderful friends here Alf.

AILSA appears.

AILSA

You’re not seriously considering this.

ALF

I don’t seem to have much choice, do I?

AILSA

Well, what about me? There’s no room for me in this shoebox.

ALF

All right, let’s go. We’ve seen enough.

DON

Alf.

ALF

What? Don, it’s a lovely place you’ve found here and everything, but its not right for me and its not right for Ails. Thanks anyway.

THE PALACE

NOAH and HAYLEY are in the kitchen.

HAYLEY

I hope they leave her alone now.

NOAH

Aw, they will. You know, they’ve got their bonnet book routine out the way it’s not like they’ve anything to go on.

HAYLEY

Yeah, well they never did. I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t her fault.

NOAH

All I wanted to do was help Nick. He’s not going to want to talk to anyone now.

HAYLEY

Yeah, that’s why I was thinking, maybe I should move back for a while.

NOAH

How does that solve anything?

HAYLEY

Well it would give Nick someone to talk to. Please Noah, I really need your support with this.

NOAH

Well I want things to be right for Nick as much as anyone, but I think being in his face all the time is not going to do anything.

HAYLEY

Well then, how? How do I help him Noah?

THE NURSING HOME

MORAG and DON stand together. ALF walks over to the car.

DON

He’s still got enough of his mind left to decide for himself.

MORAG

Where as you seem to have completely lost yours.

DON

I won’t force him into a situation he doesn’t want to be in.

MORAG

He can’t look after himself. Well if you’re not prepared to put him in a nursing home he better come and live with you and Seb. Yes, I thought as much. Well, are you going to tell him or shall I?

ALF’S FLAT

DON and ALF are there.

DON

You could come and live with me and Seb, but after what happened yesterday I don’t think it would work out.

ALF

What if I still say no?

DON

Alf, I have to cat in your best interests and to be honest that means moving you into a home whether you agree to it or not. I’m sorry.

ALF

So this is it then, eh.

DON

I’ll make the arrangements, shall I?

DON leaves. AILSA appears.

AILSA

What on earth are you thinking of?

ALF

Well you heard what he said. I didn’t have any choice. But we’ll find a bed for you there. I’ll make sure of it.

AILSA

Alf, where’s the man I married? He’d never accept this.

ALF

Well, what else can we do?

AILSA

We can leave Alf. We don’t need any of this love. All we need is each other.